Day 46- Living for Others

Here will walk the point of me living for others instead of living for and within myself as my human physical body one and equal to all here. I am always looking to please others or make others comfortable and ok, and within myself don't give myself equal consideration where I am ok and properly considered within my living. How can I be living if I don't live for me but for others is the point I will walk in self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live for others when in my self I don't give me the same consideration and attention because I am not gaining anything from it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live only for the attainment of something from doing it, such as the energy of good feelings or praise I will get when completed in satisfaction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to help another within only attaining a good feeling about myself which is separation because it's being done for something not an expression in equality to the other.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to live for feelings instead of standing here within the physical and practically supporting as I would want for myself without condition where life is truly free.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not give myself the consideration of others and judge myself as tough and ok even though I have not thoroughly consider myself within the point I am walking and just breezed by myself because I am concerned on how others are or if others will be mad, upset with me within what I am doing on my day to day life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live for others and not consider myself equal within this living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not investigate and slow myself down in my living to really see who I am being with myself only walk what has to be done for others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be concerned only on what others think/perceive of me instead of walking here in self trust and living within the physical in equality with all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from others and go into inferiority.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to please others so they will think highly of me and like me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live for others instead of living here for myself within and as what is best for all in equality and oneness with all life and walk my practical walk in becoming self perfected in my living and stop looking for an idea of perfection from others opinion/judgment/idea of me.

When and as this point comes up to try and please another and not consider myself, I stop, breath, and become grounded within my physical body through breathing, focusing on the equality of myself one to all and giving myself the equal consideration and care as I would give to another. Stopping all polarities of judgment and comparisons, and stand here as physical beings living and equally walking in the best way possible for all.

I commit myself to take care of self equal and one to how I care for others as I realize the other is me and I am the others thus stand in equality within myself and with all others.

I commit to stop comparison and judgment of myself and stand within the physical and live from physical practical considerations to not have to attain anything but just live and breath and do what is best for all and that includes what is best for me.

Day 45- Starting with My Secret Mind

Within and as myself more and more as I have started walking my process and becoming more of my 'secret mind' which is the part of myself within my mind that I keep secret and within this place I can be/say/do anything that I want, I realized that is like a constant chatter, a constant movement, and it's very noisy and anything goes. There is multiple dimensions going on within the secret mind as it's based on the accumulation of myself in all the suppression, anger, hatred, fear, memories, past events, judgments, comparisons, achievements, and all the other separations that I have existed as, but to start within this blog I will look at me within it, being the creator of the secret mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from existence as a whole and within and as each part, where I created a secret place for myself to go and create dishonesty's as myself by keeping things from others through keeping it in my head in a way where I would be ashamed or in fear to say to ones face.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create a space within myself that is secret where only I know of and can create the desires and imaginations I want that will satisfy my self satisfaction not considering the implications it has for myself within existence and existence as a whole as I am equal and one with the creation of existences and thus I am creating it within spitefulness and friction because I desire to be the winner and be able to bring down my 'opponents' without any consequence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the idea that there's no consequence for my secret mind activity because it hasn't effected anyone else so I though, it's only in my head. Realizing now that this is not so as what I think in my secret mind within myself I become.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe this thought that 'these thoughts in my secret mind are not of any harm and are not effecting others' when I could see and understand that it was having an effect through my actions and movements towards others that was done in competition and spitefulness based on the thoughts that were created within and as the spaces in my secret mind and thus these thoughts being accepted continually through and as my secret mind as anything went within that space

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow thoughts that are abusive and spiteful towards others based on the belief that no one will know and I have freedom because it's just my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the application of myself as the idea that 'no one will ever now and it's just in my mind' justifying and giving myself validation to go ahead and abuse life in my secret mind even though the nature of it was a dishonor and devaluing life as myself in a way I would not want done onto me, but based on the secret chambers I accepted it because I desired to do this because I was in competition to be the best and diminish others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse others and continually feed the desire to be on top within my own secret mind creating a net of deception within myself that will always catch me in and as shit as this is what I am creating in the ignorance that this is not affecting anyone which I realized is not true I continued it because it was easier and I desired to abuse life so I could be seen as the best.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not care about the abuse that was going on within my mind and continue to participate in it based on my desire to be the winner and be on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think about abuse and spitefulness within my secret mind towards others even though I realized that it will cause the harm of others eventually through my actions or words but accept and allow it because it made me feel in control and powerful.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be in control and more powerful then others and thus build this up within my secret mind as it was so easy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the secret mind in easement as it's easy to exist as a system robot abusing and diminishing life as all systems in this world are created around this system of abuse and competition, but here I stop this and walk the path of equality and oneness with all as myself no matter what it takes so I as all are truly free and able to all live in a life of decency free of mind influence but able to be trusted as we are living in self trust within ourselves through self honesty and self forgiveness through our own will and self direction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse others in my mind in secret because I was to cowardly to say it to their face and ashamed of the thoughts that were being created.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in thoughts and deception that bring down others and create spitefulness and conflict within my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create spitefulness and conflict in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow the secret mind to exist and direct me to abuse life and devalue myself as life because I am not here in reality but in my mind creating the separation of me one and equal with substance that is here for all but only given to those who are trusted, me within my secret mind I am not able to be trusted as it's not visible and can not be cross reference and the nature of it is evil as its not in equality but within competition and me living to be better then others which I will never be able to be one with all as I am deliberately separating myself so I can exist within and as energy as the mind so I realize it's best to stop the secret mind and live openly so self trust can be built within myself and my world.

When and as this point of the secret mind emerge where I go into this secret chamber to be spiteful and abusive, I continually stop the participation and do not accept myself to give the thoughts, emotions, feelings attention and push breath and working here in the physical. Accumulating the self honest truth of what is here as my physical application in the tools of writing, self forgiveness, self honesty, and self corrective application to disentangle and discontinue my ego as desire and need for power and control over others.

I commit to stop participating within my secret mind.

I commit to walking the process of walking out of my secret mind so thus I can stand stable here in self trust.

I commit to use breath and the physical body as my support to keep me stabilize and walk the equalization of myself to all life in what is best for all.

I commit to walk as an example for others through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application that this is possible and can be done within and as each one through our own wills.


secret mind. self trust, trusting self, can i be trusted, evil thoughts, imagination, no consequence, mind delusion, deceptive behavior, equality, equal money, equal life, eqafe, desteni, 2012, journey to life

Day 44- Stop the BullSh*t

Not stopping myself when I am in the mist of a tense moment in my world, and instead of stopping myself and stabilizing myself with the physical, I go into energy as anger and desire to get the last word in in competition.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give into anger urges and follow it when I made the decision to not go into the energy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow desire to get my way seen and heard override my self honesty and self trust to walk in what is best for all but instead went into ego and directed in abuse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to direct myself in abuse and thus direct myself in separation to the other in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel good when I exert my energy as anger out onto the other and let her know that I am mad at her.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to another's behaviors as if it really effect who I am but within this only be desiring to fulfill my ego and be heard and have the last word.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be addicted to getting the last word in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be addicted to winning and competing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be addicted to the energy when I am at the top within getting the last word in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the breath within these moments of energy addiction accumulation as anger and allow myself to go into separation based on ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed by addiction as energy release and accumulation as winning and competing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to continue to exist in competition with others in my world when I realize I am only fighting and competing with myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate me from the other and see this world in division as me vs. them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed by energy movement and stand to stop this by walking breath and practicing being here until I am here.

When and as this point to go into anger and competition to get the last word and win essentially, I stop, breath, and stabilize myself before I take another step, and do not speak until I am here....walk away! and don't go into the desire to get the last word and continue the energy just S-T-O-P!

I commit to stopping desire to get the last word in a fight.

I commit to stop energy addiction to anger and competition.

I commit to breath through the energy to get more and walk away until I am here as breath and stabilized one and equal to the physical as me.

I commit to stop fighting with others and fighting with myself.



ego, anger, i hate you, why do we fight, conflict, stress, no trust, equality, equal life, solutions for anger, self help for hate, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, 2012

Day 43 -Sup-Press Me Down Please, I'm Afraid

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself in front of others because I fear sounding stupid when I realize and see that this is only my self projection of the judgments I am having of them and thus I am limiting myself due to the judgments I hold of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself due to the fear of failing at what it is that I am expressing in and will be seen as less then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge others and thus be in competition of others when I meet them as my starting point.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within suppression of myself because I am competing with others and allowing fear of being less then others direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as competition towards others and thus define my living based on how I will be able to win and become more then others and thus go into suppression if I see that I will not be able to win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into suppression to escape and hide from having to put myself out there in front of others and be vulnerable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear putting myself out there and being vulnerable because I fear I will get hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear getting hurt by another and fear another seeing me as less then who I am here based on the belief that I will get hurt if I don't walk this point into perfection which caused me to feel this vulnerability.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear being seen less then others here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear being seen as stupid.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear being seen as boring.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I feared being called out by another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself because I fear being humiliated or embarrassed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I see myself not as good as others and thus give up before I even give something a go.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I see myself less then others and not as capable as others thus always have the belief that I will fail and not be able to succeed completely in what it is I am doing thus I use suppression to not have to face the failure in front of others so I just don't even try and just get comfy in the depths of suppression of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I don't accept myself here and see myself able to do anything worth while in a meaningful and perfect way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I believe that I will hurt and diminish others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear letting others down and having to face them when the shit hits the fan so to speak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear facing people.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear that I will not make it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I hold myself up to a standard of perfection and thus do not actually live and walk perfection which is a process but expect it every time in immediacy which is not realistic nor practical and actually impossible because it is not being walked in real space time but here and immediate within my mind showing it is not real but a belief made up in the head and showing the irrationalbility the mind exist within and as in this reality because how can I be perfect when I don't know what it means to be perfect because I haven't walked the understanding of it as this take time and direct participation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not give myself the opportunity to live and express myself in freedom because I am allowing fear and feelings of self diminihsment to direct me thus I accept and allow myself to go into suppression so I don't have to face myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into suppression to escape myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use fear as a means to not have to face myself and thus I realize this is only a point of self interest where I am not walking through the fear which is not real but allowing and accepting diminishment of myself here as fear and allowing the mind to direct me as fear is a mind creation is not real, is not substantial thus not rational to allow something as fear to direct me that does not in fact exist but I have made up within myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from myself here as life and allow suppression and fear direct me instead of me here standing directing myself in what has to be done to walk equality and oneness as myself for what is best for all and walk the process that is here back to life as who I am as all in oneness and equality to what is real as this physical existence where all are.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into beliefs about myself and others within allowing and accepting polarities in self interest so I can be comfortable and not have to push myself out of my comfort zone to have to walk the change and stand as life as what is real and what is best for all meaning push my comfortability and walk in instability for a moment to become stable for real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed by beliefs and polarities which I realize neither are real as they come from the mind in separation to me here as life and thus I stop participating in them and walk within the physical and correct myself by stopping the energy participation of myself in these separations as belief and polarities.

When and as this point to suppress myself comes up in my world to escape taking responsibility for myself or not wanting to face a fear, I stop, breath, and immediately walk into and as what I resist and want to suppress and face the responsibility I created and walk through the fears and judgments I am holding. I walk within the focus and understanding of who I am here and keep it physical with what is real and what is common sense and can be directed in practical terms for what is best for all. I realize and see that the only way to transcend this feeling of fear and desire to suppress myself to hide is by facing myself each and every moment and using my self honesty to walk my resistance and walk the process of myself to re-align with who I am here one and equal with all life.

I commit to stopping going into suppression and facing my fears and resistances in self honesty.

I commit to give myself some room to breath and not expect myself to be perfect when I haven't walked self perfection yet in my living.

I commit to be humble with myself and gentle and allow myself to breath and move at a pace I am comfortable with not going into ego to win or do this for others, but walk my SELF support to walk this for real and transcend this fear of failing and facing myself here within and as my world.



why do I suppress myself, no self trust, fear of life, fear of people, fear of living, limiting self, self perfection, living stable in this world, equality, equal life, equal money, eqafe, journey to life, desteni 2012

Day 42- I am More Worthy then You

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the polarity play out of seeing myself more worthy then another being due to a judgment I am holding and creating within myself towards life here among me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the point of separation to others within the idea that some are worthy while others are not worthy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live into this polarity play out due to my desire to be seen as the best and compete with others here so I can be on top and thus I allow this point of comparison and judgment because I desire to win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to win and be the best because I am not seeing who I am here as life as equal but seeing myself within survival and that I have to be more then others to survive which is based on me not accepting myself and living within comparison and judgment as polarities as separation to define who I am. Here I realize and see that all that exist is one with me thus no polarities really exist here within this physical world as we all are made of life/source/substance and thus this is who we are, anything else is the mind and thus made up in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to win and beat others when I realize and see that we are not in a game or a race here to win, we don't have to survive here and try to be on top, we are equal in fact and thus through living this principle within myself and within this world we can return to who we are as equal and one and be free.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold on to this picture of perfection of a being who is perfect within all the points I have defined as perfection within and as myself and thus judge others based on this idea of perfection I am holding onto and thus living and basing myself from.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have this idea that to be perfect and thus worthy one have to have allot of money, nice material stuff, well paying job, well educated, clean cut, pretty to the eye, fit and athletic, confidence, well versed and comfortable with self, and thus gauge and define others on this idea of perfection within myself that is based on a picture and not on real life here living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see life worthy if they fit into this picture and miss reality here miss what is real as me here living in breath as all are.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a comparison towards all in my world based on this point of seeing life as an idea instead of  seeing life within reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea of how live is suppose to live and create expectation when meeting someone or something and thus go into comparison and judgment and define them based on what I see and interpret.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within life through and as pictures and ideas as mind projections and creations instead of living where I am here in each breath and seeing life for real here as one with me as we are all here living we are not in our heads living we are here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as expectation of how life should be based on ideas and pictures made up by myself instead of existing within reality and living from the physical in real time and as who I am one to the other in equality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as comparison to life and who and what life is existing as instead of being here and walking equality through seeing and correcting myself in what I am separating myself from and stopping the separation from myself here as others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as judgment of myself and all life based on pictures and ideas and expect life to fit into my desire of perfection and thus go and judge them as less then or more then me so I can define who I am here because I am not seeing myself worthy and equal to others but always within this polarity play out of more/less.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within worthy or not worthy due to what I see and what I think about others instead of living life here in worthiness of all as myself and walking myself into and as the physical as self correction to live one with all and within reality equal to all stopping the judgements of myself and all life and stopping existing within my head as ideas and pictures.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within a polarity of more or less and separate myself from all life due to my desire to be more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within and as this desire to be more then others. I stop this desire and stand here and correct this pattern by walking as breath and stopping my participation within these desires by living the correction through living equal and one within and as my world.

When and as this point comes to see myself as more, I realize and stop and breath, stabilize myself and see within the moment what is it that I am not accepting of myself here and thus had to go into superiority to make myself feel better. Bring it back to self and see where I am not living within equality and thus correct myself through the tools, and stop the participation completely as comparison and judgment because all here is self and thus I must walk this acceptance to stop the conflict within myself as self judgment.

I commit to stopping myself within and as points of self compromise through judging and comparing life to me but live with and as life and walk the correction that is needed to walk this always.

I commit to stop existing within the polarity play out of worthy or not worthy and live the equality of myself by living this within my world with all no matter who or what one is or look like, breath and interact and walk as the physical in common sense for what is best for all.

I commit to walk within self support and walk the tools to correct my faulty living so I am stable here and live who I am as life to honor who we are here as equal among all in all ways.



i am more worthy then you, worthiness, elite, kings, queens, royalty, celebrities, wealthy families, businessmen, high rank, superior, equality, equal money, equal life, journey to life, 2012, desteni, eqafe

Day 41- I'm Not Worthy

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the point that I am not worthy of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as less then others and thus perceive myself as not as worthy as others due to me seeing myself in separation and not as good as those I judge as better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the polarity play out of not good and good and compare myself within life to others in this way and thus when I compare and then judge myself based on what I perceive as good/not good, I don't see myself as good, I see myself as less then, and from that starting point see myself as not worthy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others in separation and thus judge myself in relation to others in a polarity of worthiness or unworthiness due to my projections of my self judgment of not good enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse myself by separating myself and judging myself and seeing myself existing within unworthiness not realizing that I am existing within the cycle of worthy and unworthy and cycling back and forth in my mind within this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as polarities here of worthy or unworthy due to my comparisons of myself and others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge life due to my beliefs and ideas about them based on my projection of this idea of some are worthy and some aren't based on the idea of perfection I am holding onto of a perfect picture in my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto a picture in my head as perfection and judge life from this separation as my starting point.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself as less worthy to those that are better looking then me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself less worthy then those who I see as able to converse and be more free then me within groups.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see myself as not as worthy as others due to my education level.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself not as worthy of others due to the job I have.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself not as worthy as others due to money.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself less worthy then others due to fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself less worthy then others due to abilities in school.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself less worthy to others due to the people I don't know.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself less worthy then others due to my face.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself less worthy to others due to my body.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself less worthy then others due to my mannerisms.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel less worthy then other due to where I live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel less worthy then others due to what I have existed as within my past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel less worthy then others due to my friends or lack there of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel less worthy then others due to how much I make an hour.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel less worthy then others when I am called out and chastised.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel less worthy then others when I think that I have made a mistake.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel less worthy then others when I say something stupid in front of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself within the polarity of worthy or not within the idea that their are some that are worthy and some less worthy based on who we are here and how we express ourselves instead of realizing and seeing the fact that we are all here, thus within this realization in common sense is to walk the correction of stopping these ideas, beliefs, projections, and judgments of myself on who and what I am being here within and as all life and separating myself from myself as life causing always conflict and polarities to emerge as relationships of energy has been formed that must be sustained to survive as a mind and survive in this world system currently, and instead walk my process of self correction to live in self perfection with all equal and one to me in this physical world/reality as what is real and in fact here as is.

When and as this point comes to judge myself as not worthy due to an outside reaction/projection or thought I have of myself based on the polarity of better/worse, I stop, breath, and walk through the not worthiness judgment to thus be able to see the reality that it is not real as it doesn't exist within substance, what is real, but made up by myself and comes within my mind,  and walk the self honest correction. Within this I stop participating within judging life within a polarity of worthy/unworthy, and walk within equality of all as me, and only walk my self correction here within and as how I am living and then walk as life here as an example of how I have corrected myself to share with others so they can see and walk as well to stop the separation of ourselves here because we are all one and thus no one is more worthy or less worthy then anyone or anything else, but we all exist here and are free within equal expression in what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop judging life as myself within the polarity of worthy and unworthy.

I commit to walk within the physical and walk the correction of myself to stop existing in separation and comparing and judging myself based on others.

I commit to continue to walk this point of self acceptance as all here and when ready walk as an example to share and help others.



worthy being, I am worthy, am i worthy, self acceptance, self judgment, hatred, conflct, equality, equal life, journey to life, desteni, eqafe, 2012

Day 40- Do I Deserve Life?

Looking at the point within myself of asking the question do 'I deserve to live?' And how I have built up a resistance to myself to really live and express myself because I don't believe I am worthy enough to live a life of comfortably and enjoyment, living within this pattern of self sabotage.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create the question in my mind of 'do I deserve life?' implying that I am in question of if I deserve life or not when who I am and have always been here is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss myself here within the honor and respect of life as life is here within all and existent for all but through my desire to be more I have sabotaged my opportunity to live as I have separated myself from life/source/substance and desired to be more then who I am here as life within and as all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire my own self interest as power and control through being more then others and dividing myself here as life and life for all because of the desire for my own self satisfaction.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose my own self interest over life here among all and thus disempower myself to really live and thus question my ability to live not realizing that I have created this act of not living within and as who I am here as life and thus created the question of 'do i deserve life?', but realizing I have separated myself into conflict and competition for my own self satisfaction creating the diminishment feeling within me and sustained by me thus the questioning of who I am as life based on the fact that I am not here living as life which is one and equal with all that exist unconditionally.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within separation as self interest for my own self satisfaction missing me here and the opportunity to create a better world equal and one to all where real freedom and peace exist.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose my ego over life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate my responsibility and desire pity from life because I am living not in stability. Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame life for the way I am living abdicating my self responsibility as I realize and see I am the creator of my life and this world as a whole.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate my responsibility to life and to existence and created a world of suffering and pain.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself in self interest and thus create a world of conflict and division where war and starvation exist.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from myself here as life/source/substance for self interest as ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within this question of 'do i deserve life?' desire to live life and be life within a point of happiness and joy, but within this I will not give this happiness and joy to another as within myself I am existing within polarities and thus defining and participating in separation with others so thus I am existing and separating myself from the life that is here as myself in equality and oneness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create the desire to have a nice life when I have accepted and allowed a system where life is not given and received in equality and thus many don't have the means to live life in this physical and thus suffer and die while I exist within self interest to have my happy life missing the life of all others here happy just as I want for myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not accept myself here within who I am as life and thus 'think' and have this idea within myself that I am not worthy to live life because I am comparing and competing with others and thus separating myself from what life here is in equality with others and sabotaging myself as well as all others to in fact live in life here within equality and oneness as it has to be lived for real within self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not accept myself based on defining me by my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ideas and thus separate myself with others due to comparison and polarity participation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from others here due to the fact that I am existing within the mind in self interest as ego which is the idea that I am more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the mind as ego within the desire to be more, and thus miss me here within where life is  living here as the physical equal and one in what is real equaling substantial not in the mind as delusion as what the ego is, the mind is not real nor substancial it's in my head as thoughts, beliefs, ideas, pictures equaling not real but made up by me in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by my mind and separate me here from others based on energy movements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within energy as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and pictures. I stop my participating with energy through stopping my mind participation as thoughts, feelings, judgments, and pictures within my head and live here within physical living reality within and as my physical body as physical living and participation.

When and as I go and question myself as deserving life, I stop, breath, and let go of this question and the participation of energy that exist within this questions as judgments, ego and always self sabotage. I accept myself here and realize through this acceptance I will not be in question as to who I am, but live who I am as life here equal and one within my physical body as this physical existence and walking this til I am aligned and here as breath.

I commit to stop separating myself through existing within the mind by stopping participation of sabotaging myself and walking the acceptance of myself here equal and one with all life.

I commit to walk the acceptance of me here as I accept all as me and walk the physical living to bring life in equality for all as the oneness of life for all that exist here as I exist.

I commit to walk my process to stopping the mind from directing me by stoping my participation with self interest as ego and walk my re-alignment with the physical through walking my physical into and as equality and oneness with who I am here as life one and equal with all in unconditional expression.




what is life? who am i?, who are we as life? are we life? questioning life, what is the human? what is ego? ego, self interest, desire, mind demons, demons, equality, equal life, desteni journey to life, eqafe, 2012

Day 39- Am I Just a Picture?

Looking and walking through the pattern of believing myself to be not worthy based within the polarity play out of inferior/superior through comparison and  self judgment that I am not good enough to others defining this through and as pictures and images with ideas and energy connected to generate the feeling of what comes up as good or bad to what I am seeing in separation to me, this causing me to feel weak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself to just images and define life by pictures in my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to categorize beings based on how they compare to me as better/worse based on the way I judge their image.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define life based on the beauty system as beautiful/ugly due to the picture they/I present and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself based on how I want life to look like instead of seeing life how it is.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself as not worthy due to the way my picture looks in a singular moment of judgment based on my idea of being beautiful or being ugly within my judgment I cast on to myself and others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to only see pictures here as images in my head to which I am having a emotional connections to instead of being here in reality and seeing that we are just bodies, we are just flesh here, we are all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself within and as moments of focus when I judge my body/flesh according to other bodies/flesh that I see around me and thus go into a positive charge if I see I am 'better' in the idea that I want my picture to look like compared to other bodies I am seeing and thus defining me as a better looking picture.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself within and as moments of focus when I judge my body/flesh with others bodies/flesh in the vicinity and thus go into a negative charge as I have created the experience of lack and thus see myself as less then which I have created this emotion of unworthiness connected toward this idea of me being less then based on the images I am comparing myself to as either better or less then how I have judged my picture image in that moment. When in reality I neither lack nor gain but remain here as living flesh equal with the other as we both breath and we both live thus we are both here, pictures are not real I realize they are made up as they only exist within my mind and thus I created them so I can stop them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a positive experience were I have compared myself to another and defined me as more and thus allowed and accepted pleasurable feelings to warm me within an energy movement because I am feeling better about myself as I have defined myself by my picture and thus limited me to a picture only thru comparing the other to me and living within separation as ego to be more because I am not accepting myself fully here as one to them and thus I have created a point of competition not realizing and seeing I am competing with myself and diminishing myself as I am attack only myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a negative experience when I have compared myself to another and defined myself as less then that picture within the idea of beauty I am comparing myself to and thus go into inferiority towards that being I have compared myself to and live into the cycle of less/more defining myself by pictures thru desiring my self interest to be met of gaining attention from others as I am not accepting myself, and go into this depression state because I have not gained the attention I desire because I am seeing myself as ugly based on the comparison in pictures and thus no one will like me, I will not get my energy fill as power/good feelings.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by pictures instead of  realizing that we all exist here and thus all have the same life as myself thus to define a being by a feeling or experience and get stuck within this idea that pictures is who I am is done in the basis of self interest as I want to be seen as more and thus separating myself from from myself as life and diminishing myself due to the idea that I am not worthy here I am not good enough so seeking this through others instead of realizing I can only live this as myself I can only be worthy if I live it here within who I am here with and as all here as me. No polarity exist within this existence except the one I am accepting and allowing to direct me in my mind by continually giving it energy as being less then or more then what is in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a feeling of exhilaration as an energy movement when I am seen as beautiful and defined myself in a way of superiority to thus be addicted to the power and feelings of pleasure that this give me and thus within this experience of power and feeling of pleasure through the ego as superiority I miss the reality of what is here, that all beings are here still and thus I can not exist within being more as being better because I will be missing myself within the others and thus have to try and produce this point of being more which will never last, I realize I can not be more then who I am here as one and equal with all that exist, so this idea that I can be more is just that an idea and must be let go of because I am only compromising me to live here in reality and thus will eventually die out as energy as illusions because illusions never last, me being more is an illusion because what exist for real is life and life is one and equal as this physical is evidence to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get lost for a moment in pictures and my desire to be more then who I think I am and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by pictures and ideas.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define me by desires to be more and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting energies as power and  pleasure and depression direct me due to how I have perceived myself in comparison to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to another and thus define me by separation as pictures when I realize and see that who i am here is life and that all I see and all that live is life just like me no need to separate myself, we are here to live.

When and as this point to go into pictures in my mind and define me by these images as pictures, I stop, breath, and let go the desire to judge pictures I have created superimposed on to the body as flesh that live here as all life. I walk through the desire and stop participating in it. I realize that I must stop giving this pattern of judging and comparing life my participation to thus have the stop energy addiction stop.

When and as I have this desire to go into comparison towards any being in my world, I stop, breath and let go of the energy movement to compare, I stand here and breath through the desire not giving it any participation. I realize and see that all that live here is me and thus I stop defining myself by polarities and comparison and start accepting myself and living for me in understanding as equal and one with all life within and as the physical reality and walking to align with myself as physical in my living each moment.

I commit to stopping judgement of pictures in my mind and respect and honor all life as equal and one to me and how I would like to be treated, give respect to receive respect I walk equal and one.

I commit to stopping comparison to others in my world by letting go of  the desire to be more.

I commit to letting go my ego and stand here and walk myself to physical equality and oneness to what is real in this physical reality our lives and life as self equal and one.

Day 38- My Face to Face

Judging my face/eyes based on the past and based on the desire to be beautiful, which has caused massive separation and turmoil within me over the years because I am holding onto this idea that I am and can be the most beautiful as within I see a ugly being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my face.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare my face to other faces in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create the idea within my mind that my face has to be beautiful and thus go into comparison with others to see if I am beautiful or not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others based on an idea that some are more then others within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the polarity of myself that I am more/less then other (me's)within what is here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes as messed up due to them not being symmetrically perfect and thus go into judgment of myself because I am not perfect symmetrically.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes due to the past of others judging them and making fun of them thus judging my face/eyes in a negative charge due to holding on to the belief that I am ugly.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame god/someone else for making me this way, when I have created and defined myself by myself and thus I have created the misery within all that I live by my self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame a god/someone else for the way I am experiencing myself as less then when I realize and see it is I myself who have defined myself as less then and judged myself in this way by allowing comparison and competition to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow comparison and competition to direct me when I realize this is not real as all that exist here is myself so thus I am comparing me to me and only competing with myself within illusions that I have made up like there are some who are better and some who are not so good = not real an illusion based on ego and my self interest to be special because I am not accepting me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes/face based on memories of the past and hold onto them here within life and thus go into a point of self judgment when around others if their is any motion to their eyes where I will see my eyes as the problem and go into inferiority because I fear that the other is judging me in there head and thus I fear being seen as less then them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to assume that someone else is judging me in their head based on my idea and belief that the motion made was in relation to me and thus make the whole point about me and how I am feeling/being treated/ being accepted instead standing in the physical equal and one and stopping the judgment, comparison, competition within myself to everyone I met. I realize I must stop the separation within me for it to stop within my world as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being seen less then another because I am in competition and comparison to everyone here within the desire to be more and be the best and thus when I go into a possession point of seeing others as judging me I will go into inferiority and limit myself due to fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge others actions as a personal attack onto me when I realize and see it is me who is creating this idea that I am being judge when the real truth is that I am the one judging myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my physical body and thus exist within this desire to be beautiful when I realize real beauty does not exist here, our physicals are our life source here and thus what gives me life here, why do I judge it and compare to other physicals because I desire to be more and be seen as special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be seen as more and special among beings I desire to like me or see me in a certain way because I want a relationship with them and thus I believe me being me will not be enough to impress them so thus I am judging myself and not seeing myself as good enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to impress others based on the way I look because I don't see them liking me any other way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sabotage myself to such an extent where I don't even feel the ability to be able to be liked by another within and as just being me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself through this point of self judgment and the judgment of life here I have created myself in such a way to only be living based on polarities and ego where I am not actually living among life here but only competing, comparing, and diminishing others to be on top because I am not accepting myself and seeing myself as worthy equal and one to all because I am not living this.

To be continued.....

When and as this point comes up where I desire to go into self judgment, comparison, competition about my face/eyes or physical in any way, I stop, breath, move my physical body, and stop the participation in the thoughts or ideas of judgment. I stop judgment of all life here as myself and thus focus on my self application, my living in and as walking self perfection, and stop the focus on how others are seeing me and who I am being here among others, but live and be physical.

I commit to stopping self judgement and the judgment of all beings here through breathing through the desires, wants, and needs and focusing on my physical one and equal with all here as we all are physical and that's it.

I commit to stop comparison to others and see life as me, putting myself in their shoes, and stopping my desire to be more.

I commit to stop trying to impress others and just live the acceptance of myself through living myself here in what I am doing, and only focus on self application of mySELF.

I commit to stop competition and the desire to be more/win as I am only competing with me and I thus will myself to live one and equal with all as I would want for myself in acceptance and real love.



self judgemnet, comparision, ugly, beauty, beautiful girls, sexy, perfect body, self abuse, self hatred, equality, equal life, eqafe, journey to life, desteni, 2012,

Day 37- I Hope You will Show Me the Way

Within this desire for someone to come and save me, tell me the right way to go, and give me the answers to make my process easier, and this suffering of humanity to be lifted, I see this is only a point of self escapism and sabotage based on fear and laziness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire the point for a dimensional being, Bernard Poolman, a Destonian, a person in University, a self realized being, any being for that matter that I look up to and see that they have the answer for me, they can show me an easier way so I don't have to fully walk this process and walk every point that must be walked.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire a being from this world to show me the way to myself and how to walk this process so it is easier for me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to have my process be easier as within my mind I see it as difficult and overwhelming.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into mind resistances and live into these resistances when I come to points of difficulty and overwhelmingness and thus go into a hope that someone else can show me how to walk and show me what I am missing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself within this hope that I will and can be saved by anothers words when in fact I am seperating myself from my own words and thus seperating myself to truly live the words that I speak by giving my power away to hope within another beacuse I don't desire to walk the process and stand up absolutely.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to submit to the mind and accept myself to limit myself in the face of what is here as life in suffering and thus I make the decision through my words in living here to walk absolutely in the best world for all until it is done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate my life to a resistance as overwhelmingness and a feeling of seeing life diffucult and thus go into the easy way by sitting in hope and thus losing my power to move myself and live the solution that is here to be walked within and as my own self application.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into fear and accept fear within what I will have to do within this walk to life in absolute dedication and thus I fear that I will fail.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepitng msyelf to fear failing when I realize that within and as myself as I walk breath by breath this process is done, it only takes a point of self decision as to who I am and living this desicion each and every moment and I also realize it is not a choose as this is the only path that must be walked as what is here is nothing but hell on earth and thus it's obvious common sense that I have created this mess with all of humanity equal and one and thus I as humanity equal and one require to walk the process to correction and bringing ourselves back to life. It's a desicion for life or regret in self for not walking what is here to be walked in the courage to live a world best for all in self honesty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for having this fear of failing and this desire to not have to walk my process as if I am less then others here this only I realize is a self sabotage point where I stand in self wallow of my 'falls' but I realize within and as the fall is the gift of life to see where I am faulty and thus be able to change myself within what is realized, it's up to me to live the change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to adicate my responsibility to life as myself in oneness and equality to bring about a world that is best for all to a hope within escaping to not have to face myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to adicate my responsibility to life as myself in oneness and equality to a world that is best for all in a point of laziness where I see and realize this is how this world has been created in such a way where billions starve while some have enough, this to stop the desire to have an easy life through accepting laziness to do nothing because it's easier, but always push myself within the realization that I have the oppurtuinity to walk this and create a new world thus I have no choice but to walk this as I would want anyone to walk this if I didn't have the oppurtinity so it's my will to walk this until life is here in equality and oneness for all no matter what comes, I walk the tools of self honesty and self forgiveness to change my living to live equal and one with all til all here have walked this and we are equal in fact.

When and as this point to abdicate my responsibility to another or to a hope of another saving me, I stop, breath, and say, I am the way only thru my living in self honesty. I realize and see no one else can walk these steps for me, I myself must walk to life to create any change within my world and this greater world. It's all about my self and what I will walk in the face of myself here as all life til it's done.

When and as a point of resistances comes and a desire to be lazy, I immediately stand up, walk thru the resistance, and make the decision to stand within whatever the point that I was resisting in common sense. I walk this point of stopping self sabotage by walking through what I resist and correcting my living to stop the desires to be lazy.

I commit to stop the hope and desire for another to save me or show me the way and walk my living in correction to align with what is best for all in the physical.

I commit myself to stand as my own self support through walking the tools of self honesty, self forgiveness, and self corrective application when I face a resistance and thus give myself the opportunity to walk the correction.

I commit to stand with all life here as me who walk to a world best for all and assist and support all beings I can share with to help them walk this process and learn from others in self support.

I commit to stand up for life in all forms and stop the self judgment and sabotage of myself and learn from myself and realize that I am the way and thus I am my own savior.

I commit to walk through all resistances and desires to have the easy way and face what is here to be faced within what is here showing itself within and as the resistance I am experiencing.

I commit to not accept and allow laziness but move myself within the walk of self honesty to create stability within myself to walk process effectively and give myself the opportunity to live the changes in real time here to establish equality and oneness as me.



is hope real? why do we hope for things? action vs hope, savior, lord jesus save us, bernard poolman, portal, im saved, rapture, equality, equal money, equal life, desteni, eqafe, 2012, journey to life,

Day 36- My Way or the Highway

Trying to control others to get what I want because I 'think' I am better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the stance against others that 'it is my way or the highway' and disregard the other completely only existing within my own wants, needs, and desires in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to justify this stance as 'it's my way or the highway' due to the acceptance of me in self righteousness in ascertaining that I am right and the other is wrong thus giving myself the belief that I know the way because of this desire to control the outcome and that I know I am smarter then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to control the outcome within and as my world and the beings in my world because I believe that I am smarter and have considered more and demonstrate more of a knowledge base where I have the right to direct in this control of getting it done my way because I am 'seeing' that I am considering more so thus I am more capable to direct the other beings seeing and realizing this is where enslavement is bred and allowed by accepting that I am more then life here, I stop this point of seeing myself more and walk to equality as myself as this physical world as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that based on my own assessment of what is here within my world I can and should direct others to do tasks in the way I want as I believe that I have created the most efficient way and the other ways are done in laziness and half assed.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see myself within what is here in actuality and stop the need to control and be more and thus be able to walk in equality in peace to come to what is and will be best for all by sharing and considering all that is here to be considered within all beings that are within my world and willing to share themselves.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the belief that 'I know better' completely separating myself from the physical and thus only accessing my desire to be more then others and higher as I am seeing myself less then and thus need a point to compete with and potentially win because I see myself as in need to prove myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compete with others in the chance that I can win and be seen as more thus proving my value among others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel the need that I have to prove myself based on not accepting myself and defining myself by others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to place self value outside of me when I realize it can only be lived and fulfilled within and as me and then thus within my living into and as my creation as the world that I live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as inferior to others and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compete with others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define another being and judge a being based on my mind projection of them from my ego where I desire to be seen more and thus be able to control the situations in my world thus I use diminishment in my mind such as this judgments unto the other so I can get what I want out of the situation and justify my actions as abuse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself in a view of self righteousness where I believe that I am regarded as more and considered more then others and thus go into this stance that I can do/be more because in my mind I have created myself to be more and thus controlled others and pushed others to do what I see as right not considering their point of view and them as equal to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the others as me and thus desire to control to get my needs met.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow self righteousness to direct me in desires to control and be seen within myself as more and manipulate to get my way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to control others and manipulate them to get what I want.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into anxiety when I am not getting what I want and thus become rude to others because I am blaming them for me not getting what I want.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become rude to others due to my dishonesty of not considering all here as me and allowing my own desires to direct me to miss points and thus lose focus on what is best for all and compromise myself with others by trying to be a dictator and thus go into anger as blame on points that I have created and are responsible for as I realize all here is me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not speak to others as equals but that I know more and am smarter then.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compete with others and always be within the stance of competition and being more then others in all areas that I can compete in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compete with myself and diminish myself due to separating myself from what is here as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to be self righteous and separate myself from the solution here within equality with all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from what is here as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to enslave others within trying to dominate them and control when I am only creating the enslavement of myself as I will not give free to others as I want for myself, and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting desire for power over others direct me within the desire to be seen as the best.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself in self interest to override life here in equality and oneness and thus abuse life in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse life based on getting my desires met.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed by desire, but stop and direct me here as the physical in common sense in what is best for life one and equal with what is best for me. Always I put myself in the shoes of the other and walk the correction to align to the physical equality of us here as we walk for this world for all best in all ways.

When and as this point comes up to control others, I stop, breath, and direct myself to consider the other as myself, put them within and as me and walk equality to thus be able to see what is here and how I can support for what is best for all within and as others in consideration equal to how I would like to be considered. I realize I have to stop my mind as power and control in self interest so I can see within reality in what I am actually doing to be able to walk the solutions with the other in the best way possible in what is real.

I commit to stopping controlling others and walking as equals in all ways til there is no movement when and as I am here with any form of life but self movement.

I commit to stop desiring to have it my way and be at the top, but become humble and walk with others to see that we all benefit together.

I commit to stop anxiety by walking myself within practicality and discipline to get all my tasks done and walk what has to be done in the time frame aligned.

I commit to walk as equals with all and stop all abuse through desires and self interest.

I commit to walk the correction from self interest to the interest of all in equality as myself and how I would want to be treated and thus give to another as I would like for myself.



my way or the highway, hit the road jack, controlling boss, control, mind control, brainwashed, forced labor, slavery, enslavement, manipulate, equality, equal money, eqafe, equal life, desteni, 2012

Day 35- Hurry Up

The way I have existed throughout my life as far back as I can remember has been through a lets move quick and get it done mentality, being slow and going slow within who I am has not been the case or the way I have conducted myself at all. I find it quite difficult to be patient with others and not go into reactions of annoyance if I am not getting what I expect in a quick fashion, so thus this has created a lot of separation and unnecessary conflict and friction within myself and my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to get things done quickly and in a manner that is immediate and I can get an instant result as gratification through an energy movement as this point of getting the end result as soon as possible.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into impatiences when I don't get what I expect immediately or rather quickly in my world and thus go into irritation towards the being that I blamed to have caused this to thus be able to manipulate the other through this force of me as annoyance to have a better chance to get my need met as energy being gained through getting what I desire.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into blame and manipulation of another to get what I want within energy through my own self interest and thus diminish the opportunity for life here with all in oneness and equality which is the real true freedom of self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to get what I want and expect within the quickest time frame based on me being addicted to getting what I want based on living within a point of separation with others by only considering myself and only considering my own self interest thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into addiction as energy through getting what I want and thus being addicted to this so much where I have created a personality as quickness where I do all things in fast pace to get what I want quicker as I have become so addicted that I can't be here within breath but always in the mind pushing, forcing, and accelerating myself through the illusion of time and my idea of getting things done quicker then what is here to walk so I can get this energy within wants, needs, and desires I am living as and accepting within separation of who I really am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I can defy the physical practical reality of what is here to be walked and thus believe I can use my force as pushing in a haste to get what I want in the belief that this is ok and it will work out for me when I realize and see that it always diminishes my abilities to be clear and here where I miss points, lose focus, and compromise myself by not being equal with what is here, but trying to gain more then what I have access to as what is here in physicality and compromising myself to grow and expand within reality which is here in the physical not within my mind in a haste.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be within the mind dimensions of myself as thoughts, beliefs, and ideas of what is suppose to be and thus drive for this in haste as I have aligned myself with the addiction of gaining the energy as the result to what it is I am addicted to and thus by never getting enough as this energy always runs out, and thus I have created within me a need for more and more and thus because of my addiction to this energy as more I push and push to get this within the quickest time I can get it because all I have become is this addiction as energy accumulation and release and thus become a raging system to get my feed on the energy I believe that is who I am and what I need to feel good.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become addicted to energy in such a way that I compromise myself and others through rushing and not living within reality here in the physical but in my mind as a network of pictures, ideas, thoughts, and memories and thus am able to move through the mind dimensions in hyper speed but always within reality I compromise myself and my world because I am not real and not physical but in haste as illusion through the dimensions of my mind which is like a web and very difficult to gain stability within and a sense of self as it is filled with many points that move very quickly and is so big that there is no real access to reality and what is in real time because one is always following what the mind is showing which is always thoughts, feelings, emotions, and thus it continues as I continue to exist within in it, it is me until I stop.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as a mind system completely where I have actually compromised my living as life in reality and totally submitted myself to the illusions of my thoughts, ideas, beliefs, emotions/feelings and created a personality suit that 'I can not wait', 'I can not be patient', 'I need this immediately or I will be diminished'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself in accepting the idea that I can be diminished if I don't get what I desire as energy in immediacy or I will lose something.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing what I desire based on the idea that I need these things to live and feel good.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the idea that I need my desires fulfilled at all times in the quickest way possible for me to be happy and feel good here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within the idea that I need to feel good and be happy to be able to exist with myself and continue, when I realize and see this is just a point of energy acceptance I have lived as and thus became addicted to due to me separating myself from myself here as life and thus placing definitions on life here and creating myself in relationship to everything that exist here a way that I believe that I am not what I see, hear, touch, and smell and so thus I have created energy movements as feelings and emotions to define what I already am and have always existed as as everything that I come in to contact with in separation as if I don't know what it is and thus I don't see me within and as it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss this point of me in oneness and equality with all that exist because I was not living the truth of who I am as one and equal as myself to all that is here but existed within the belief and thus the thoughts that I am separate from others here because we are this and that and I don't at this moment exist in this way or that thus we are not the same so we are separate not realizing that even though I as life look different and appear different in moments in my world, in essence and where we come from is the same source/origin/substance and that is life one and equal with all as is within me, we all are the same within and without as we are all here and we are all life, there is nothing more nor nothing less that exist here then this fact that all life is here as self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the breath here of life within the rhythm of what is here as life's movement in this physical existence and never allowed myself to slow myself down enough to live here and see myself for all that I am here to thus have more of a clear opportunity to not miss myself within who I am and what I am living, and be able to face myself and change myself to remain here as the breath of life by living this for real within and as who I am as I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become addicted to energy  accumulation and release and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a haste to develop for more and more and thus moved quicker and quicker in the mind to get my fill missing me as life and thus self sabotaging and limiting myself to only being this drive for more and more energy and living only within a cycle of polarities that never end because I am missing myself within it and searching for me so it's a infinite cycle of looking for myself when I have always been right here as I breath.

I forgive myself for missing me here as patience and acceptance of all life as me and walking solutions with all as me in what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss me here as the breath and thus missed my opportunity to live life here in reality where I am as I breath, this is always slower then the mind as it is to be actually lived through accumulation of living breaths step by step, and can not be done in an instant in many cases, life I realize is in breathing here in the physical which moves slower then the mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ideas/beliefs as mind is illusion and thus can do anything within any point of an acceptance, the physical has to be lived thus require patiances and deligiance to be real within it, which is slow going.

When and as this point of haste to get my energy addictions filled through getting some sort of high through the build up and release of desires, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, pictures, I stop, breath, and continue breathing to let go of all the accumulation of the need for more energy. I slow myself down within myself as I become aware of my physical movement. I walk this correction of stopping the haste, slowing down by breathing and physical movement, and walk here as physical reality participation and walking this slow and in patiances to accumulate myself in a more stable way by seeing more by living for real through being here in more clarity by walking here within my breath as the physical itself through and as my physical body.

I commit to slow myself down through become aware of my breathing and physical body within movements.

I commit to stopping going into energy addictions and acceleration through my mind by thoughts, ideas, and emotion/feelings accumulation as a want and desire.

I commit to walk within and as what is real through considering all that is here through becoming more physical and slowing myself down to consider more of the reality that I am living in in actual participation here as I breath instead of going in energy and the mind and pushing to get an energy fill.

I commit to stop the desires, need and wanting to feel good within myself and be here within what is real and thus able to direct in reality based on fact and not on my mind which is only in self interest which I see and realize will always compromise my self stability and self trust.

I commit to walk the process from my mind dimensions to here as breath until all that remain is me here one and equal with life as we breath.



hurry up, move quicker, how to get things done quickly, why can't I slow down, impatience, haste living, slow down, take it easy, equality, eqafe, equal money, equal life, ems, elf, desteni, journey to life, 2012

Day 34- Annoying Bitty You are a Loser

annoyance; when you've had backchat in your mind towards people where you have won and they have lost, and then you manifest annoyance towards them as your armour of protecting your 'i was right and you were wrong


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into superiority as the idea that 'i am the winner, and you are the loser' when a point in my world come up where I have interpreted myself as right/winner and the other as wrong/loser and accepted myself to separate myself within a personality of I am better, I beat them and your less, you loser.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to beat another being in this world to give myself a boost within myself of acceptance as I am not seeing myself within equality with all but in a survival mode where I have to win and compete to be on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become addicted to this energy rush as winning and beating others and thus got lost within who I am here as one and equal with the other and thus in physical reality only diminishing myself and separating myself from life is I am trying to compete with what I already am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the feeling of happiness come over me when I beat another being and feeling proud because I did good by the system and was able to prove that I am better then another thus a worthy competitor.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compete and become addicted to the energy rush as winning when others lose and I separate myself from oneness and equality based on my desire to be seen as more to satisfy my mind as personality and be accepted by the system as system worthy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from life as oneness and equality and desire to be accepted as the system by being a winner, which is only driven off of competition and self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compete with myself and desire to beat myself and thus cause abuse due to this desire of ego to win against myself as I see all here in life is me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to when I win, go into annoyance towards another if there is a dispute or they give me a hard time in any way, this to thus keep in place the winning stance of myself and create conflict within the other so thus there is a division I can use to stay on top and keep the other suppressed by allowing the annoyance to direct me into diminishing them and defending who I am as right.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use annoyance to keep another suppressed by cause deliberate friction with the other due to my belief that my winning status with them could be proven wrong or argued against so I must go into this stance as defiance and friction with that being so there is a barrier and thus a protection to keep me in place as the winner/right and them as the loser/wrong and stay on top while fighting at all cost to keep me there with annoyance as a tool to keep myself safe within my own mind and justify the abuse I am allowing through remaining in this separation that I am more then you.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to abuse others and create abuse through suffering within my own self interest to stay on top and thus not be able to be questioned and prove wrong because I fear looking like an idiot if I am proved wrong so use annoyance as a point to buff this point of being proven wrong and looking like an idiot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being made wrong by another and thus made to look like an idiot and have others see me in this way because I fear being a loser.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to be labeled/seen/called a loser by others and thus I will strive to be the winner and protect this stance as a winner through conflict and friction as annoyance with the other and thus I have a better chance to remain as the winner and not have to face this point with others of being a loser all the while not realizing that I am living within a cycle of polarities back and forth of win/loss where this cycle will repeat until I equalize myself by living equal with all life as what is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to care and be defined by how others think/see/speak about me as if what they say/think/see of me is who I am and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by others and thus diminish myself by reacting in polarity's as win/loss and abusing life through conflict and friction, which I realize is only abusing myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow fear to direct me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not consider the other as me and walk what is here to be walked in correction of myself and what is best for all and stop my ego, fear, and irritation as a protection for my ego stance to remain on top.

When and as this point comes up of going into annoyance, I stop breath and see what is the point that is showing itself where I want to win as a personality defending my stance and thus within this stop the fear of being seen in a certain way, and walk the correction that is necessary in self honesty to be walk and live it with the other I am reacting in annoyance to. Find the solution that is here for what is best for all and live it, stopping the polarity play outs of trying to be more and winning, and thus fearing losing and being humiliated, so thus equalizing myself with all here and living in physical practical reality with all as myself to find solutions rather then creating more problems.

I commit to stopping reacting to others in fear and thus trying to protect myself from fearing being less then by trying and pushing myself to be the winner, and thus I commit to live in equality as the physical to solutions that will support all involved.

I commit to stop the fear by facing the fear step by step and writing myself out and self forgiving myself to see why I have the fear in the first place.

I commit to living here in physical reality and considering all the points involved and I commit to stop my reactions to others in how they approach me but live stability and direct myself one and equal as how I would want someone to direct and approach me. So I commit to stop taking points in my world personally and walk me here as process to equality and oneness.

2012, annoying people, competing to win, competitors, desteni, eqafe, equal life, equal money, equality, how to succeed, I am the winner, i beat you, loser, system worthy,

Day 33- Considering Myself

Do I consider myself within and as who I am accepting myself to be? do I value myself? do I consider myself as equal to life? do I give myself appreciation and acceptance as I would want from any other as equal? Do I consider the life that is here equal and one to me, and do I live this equality as me as all life?

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to give value to myself as life as one and equal with this physical existence as who I am here, but have separated myself into a diminished form of myself based on the limited experience play outs within polarities as energy poles of positive and negative that I cycle within not realizing that I am just going around in an infinite circle not moving anywhere, but only within the illusion of time as movement within my mind dimensions.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to consider myself equal to and one with all of what is here as nature, the animal kingdom, the insect kingdom, the oceans, the marine life, and all life I have seen as not as great as me as I have been defining myself within ego where I have created the idea that based on me being more 'intelligent' as I can speak and live civilized within this society, I am better and this within this idea that I am better I have disregard myself as nature and the splendor of these life forms as myself in the abundance of exploration and depth that is there for me to engage and understand, but abused within and as my living to be consumed and used for my own self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to engage and live this idea that I am more then other life here based on my 'intelligence and civilized living' not realizing I was separating me from me, seeing me as lesser then actually what is here as the physical as nature and the multiple dimensions and complexities that the nature as all forms of natural life exist within in balance and equilibrium unto themselves, and thus disregard myself as equal to the natural world to the detriment of my living here on this earth as it is in the process of dying right along with me based on my desire for more within ego as self interest and not seeing that life that has always been here equal and one to me but followed my mind as ideas which is not real and based on my own desires.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself with all life here within and as the idea and desire that I am more powerful then life here as I am a human being that has intelligence which is assumed and based on the idea that I can communicate and thus conduct myself within this society and animals, nature, insects, marine life can't, not considering me as nature where they exist and conduct themselves in communion and equilibrium just in a different way then humans and in different frequencies and processes but all the same and thus actually stand in more balance and unconditionality within there living expression as equality as themselves, where in fact nature demonstrates over the authority and power it has over the human when life becomes real in my world, the physical always remain, me as my ideas, beliefs, assumptions do not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss myself  here as equal to and one with nature as this physical existence, but destroy it because I am not seeing that the nature and all life that is here no matter what it look like or who it is, is one and equal with me as we are all here in the physical and we are all life, and thus I can live and walk in consideration of all ife here as myself in practical common sense and stop the dominance and desire for more for myself over the life that is here and always will be here in equality and oneness whether I align or not, life will always remain and be eternal as this is what life is eternally here in this physical REALity I as thoughts, ideas, beliefs, will end as it is mind and the mind I realize is based on illusions as consciousness not reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not consider myself within and as the marine life and oceans of our home as earth here and respect the equilibrium that has been created through and as nature as life and become a life giving environment for who I am as the life that swim and move about in the oceans, but disregard myself and separated myself as life and consumed and destroyed the natural habitat that is the oceans and marine life in this world for my own self interest greed for profit and consumption, the balance and equality of life one to me must always be considered equal and one to remain here within equilibrium with myself as physical life which is what is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not consider myself within the life that is being tested for products and consumer goods and the suffering that is going on within this system where life is not being consider equal and one to how I would consider my own life and well being but only used and abused for consumption and thus taken advantage of for profit and money. I realize and see that this life is me as I see that when chemicals and foreign products go in/on the skin or in/on the physical that is not conducive and in sync will cause pain and suffering and thus to do this deliberately is an act of abuse against life, against myself, I am abusing me here as I am not considering the oneness that is here eternally within all that exist adn thus in my mind as self interest abusing myself for a momentary satisfaction that will never last and I will never live eternal as who I am as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the oneness of all life here within all it's forms, all it's manifestations, all it's creations, and all it's living expressions and thus I realize and understand that in fact that all that exist here is me so thus I am to consider all the life in all ways in equality and oneness to myself within and as my physical being as I am the other in another life as all that is is here within the physical is me as we are all life here this is who we are, I have always been here, but missed myself due to allowing ego and self interest as mind relationships within energy experiences to direct me, thus I stop the energy as mind relationships to direct me and direct myself within and as the consideration of myself within all the life that is here and thus stand as myself to realign back to who I am in my oneness as the physical in equilibrium and balance and stop all suffering and abuse to myself as all the life here forevermore.

I commit to stop all points of separation with all that is here to thus re-align myself step by step back to the physical by continuing to walk out my personality play outs as mind dimensions I have created and walk the correction within and as the physical one and equal here as me.

I commit to stand for solutions that stop all the abuse to life here and walk the correction within myself to consider and realign within all in equality as life.

I commit to walk myself in to and as correction to be able to be aware and consider myself within all facets of my world to thus not create any separation with any point but walk within and as equilibrium by starting with myself to equalize myself with my world and the beings currently existing in my life and thus step by step expand and equalize til I am here and all that remain is self.

I commit myself to accept myself here as all and stop all the separations as mind ideas, thoughts, and beliefs within better/more and stand within equality with all life in what is best for all.

I commit myself to slow down and thus walk the breath walk and become aware as myself as the physical within and as the rhythm of my breath til I am here and all that remain is self as the breath of life.





considering myself as life?, what is life, who am I?, who am i, life questions, animal kingdom, equality for animals, nature, mother earth, marine life understanding, equal money, equal life, journey to life, desteni, eqafe, 2012,