Anger towards parents Sf - Day 18

 Anger towards my parents 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at my parents for having me and in this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for the decisions i have made in my life causing me to have hardship and failure, relieving stress and pain through blame and anger as energy releases through this blame and anger, but i see, realize, and understand it does not stop the anger/blame and thus conflict, but only perpetuates it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately blame and become angry at my parents because they brought me in this world and so in this i become spiteful toward them because i myself do not want to take responsibility for the messes in my life i have created and so say things like 'i wish you did not have me' to my parents where i want them to suffer as i believe i have for them bringing me into this world. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame and so abdicate my responsibility for the choices and decisions i made to get me into a point of pain where i myself see, realize, and understand brought me to this point, and that i can not blame others outside myself as i understand i am the one walking my own life, i am the one making the decisions and have the self power to do what is self honest in the moment or not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to praise my parents when it suits me to where i feel empowered based on ego desires that are giving me a sense of accomplishment or pride based on family/parent accomplishments, where in a  desire to be seen in a positive light and o see my parents/family in a positive light as this makes me feel worthy/important and thus i receive the energy of goodness without having to actually create it as myself where i actually live in a way that is worthy of life and prideful in myself for walking the self honest path that is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this anger and blame move into hate where i grow a form of hatred toward my parents for not securing my path in this world and guaranteeing success, when i see, realize, and understand practically my parents did the best they could with what they had and what they new of in the space and time they were in.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my parents as the reason for my flaws/failures instead of taking responsibility for these failures/flaws and working with changing them, processing them in practical self change to make them become stronger as this is practically what can be done with what is here and that my parents are not able to change anything for me, i realize, see, and understand i can only change these points of weaknesses myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents for their flaws/failures and see them as less then others/me based on these points, and i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents where i see them as the root of my failure as i came from them instead of recognize the gift i was given in this life as life and what they did to keep me alive, and secure to have a life and have the ability to walk my process and opportunity to create here.

When and as i see myself going into the desire to think thought patterns about how i am disturbed by my parents, i stop and breath, and go into humbleness and gratefulness for them doing their best with what they had and giving me what they could for me to have a secure platform to live my life from and create with opportunity. I commit myself to stop going into thoughts about my parents, breathe, and live the word self responsibility and self movement where i start moving myself physically to make my flaws such as addictions into self discipline and become stronger in these.

I commit myself to stop judging my parents and stand in their shoes to see where they are at, and support them to be there best self as how i would like if i was in their shoes, i commit myself to see my parents as equals, and walk in oneness as i correct myself first and stop abdicating my responsibility to energy and the mind. I commit myself to live the word humbleness as i see i am also flawed and have weaknesses like all, and so i am an equal as i also am not perfect, thus i work with my own self perfection as one and equal as all life. 

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Peace be with Self - Day 544

Usually the saying goes within the system, specifically religious systems in this world is ‘peace be with you’, this though is not accurate as what the saying should read is ‘peace be with self’, the I of who I am. This based on the principle of who you are is what you will create, so if each one live this word peace within self, then this will then resonate and start to be created within this world as it will start to effect and influence who you are within your living. So you will be able to give peace as you live it rather then in a way ‘hoping’ another person get’s it with the saying ‘peace be with you’. You can create it in your living.

So peace be with self is something I am practicing living at this moment, it is a powerful and empowering word I have found to live as it has the effect if applied to calm the waters so to speak of my inner being, my inner self in a moment. It’s been supportive as sometimes I can become emotional and within that emotion can become overwhelmed within the energy of it, though what I have been practicing in this moment is to stand within myself and speak the words peace as a directive for me to live. Once I speak this word peace, my whole body releases, like an out breath of my whole body and I become ‘at ease’ so to speak, calm, and what I have found it’s in a way seems as if I step back within myself and settle within the body more deeply or more grounded in a way, like in a way it seems as if i sink into the body more causing this supportive effect of the words lived such as I am here, I am ok, I am able to observe and look again, see what I can see, and take another attempt at finding a solution for what ever it is that is bothering me or making me overwhelmed. So this is one application of this word I am currently applying as a support to release from an energy ‘possession’ in a moment to help settle and become at ease.

I have been looking at the word itself ‘peace’ as I like to find and see what is within the words, the letters, and here what I found was ‘patiences emerging as grace’, I have also redefined the word patiences to be ‘pay attention to the essences (life)’ of another and self, and grace as ‘grateful pace’, so walking at a pace in life that is of gratefulness in considering all that is here and become aware of what I have as my life and opportunity that is here for the living. So I like to play with words to understand myself within them in a way to support myself to get a reference of how to see the word in order to live it and practice this in my everyday life.

This word play of the word peace, I have just today looked at and wrote about so I have not yet tested the living of this word as i stated, ‘patiences emerging as grace’ though I can see within the potential of this application to support with emerging in a peaceful and more wholesome way of living in my everyday enviroment with others. One of the greatest gifts that is emerging in my personal process as of late is my growing awareness and understanding of others beyond my own reactions of them, so through working with and releasing my systematic reactions to others such as emotions like anger, judgment, embarrassment, I am more moving into living words such as gratefulness, grace, consideration, care, understanding, and through this I am starting to connect with people more on a real and substantial level. This I have not yet in my life been able to do, well maybe when i was a child, but since about 12 years old and on I have been very much trapped in insecurity and shyness where i had almost become retarded in my ability to socialize and function normally with others. So this has been quite a process and ability I have developed for myself and this is just the beginning, which is awesome.

What I have been realizing as I have been slowing down and practicing these living words such as peace, grace, patiences, understanding, and others is the absolute magnificence that exists here as our natural everyday life, it’s in a way missed because we are so much in our minds, thinking about this and that, that and this, speedy, busy, what is missed is the actual detail of our natural environments. The way the moon looks, the way the tree bark looks on the trees and the different shapes and kinds of trees that I visit every single morning with my dogs, my dogs expression as they sniff and express themselves from one spot to the next, the smile that my neighbor shows as she exits her front door in a delight of the fresh air and sun, and living the word peace where I become patience emerging as a grace, I become grateful for what is here because I become more aware and in tune with the life that is existing here, and there is so much! Everything is in a way alive and fascinating yet so simple. There is so much that is going on here and when I am in a state of peace as I practice this word in, I am seeing more and more of me here, my awareness and my ability to respond to life in a way of gratefulness and joy for the gift that it is.

Thanks for reading.

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As Within, So Without - War and Solutions with the Desteni I Process - Day 539

Here discussing how i personally have moved through images and videos with graphic and horrific images, where instead of going into anger, revolt, or disempowerment, I change myself to be able to stabilize myself and my mind to support with finding solutions. This to become an example to walk solutions in the world so war can come to an end, and we all stand as stewards of the earth. The desteni i process is an education of sorts that supports with this process of self change and world change.

Check out the links for more on the process at desteni:

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course - 

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!

www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material - 

www.Eqafe.com

Forum support: 

www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki: 

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Eqafe Facebook Page: 

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7 year journey to life Facebook group: 

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DIP Lite on Facebook: 

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As Within, So Without - War and the Desteni I Process - Day 538

Here speaking on the principle of as within, so without, in relation to the creation and proliferation of war within our world. How have I changed my view on war and myself within walking the tools of the desteni i process, and what have I learned about human's active participation in war and how it relates to ourselves very intimately. There is a part two to this as well, which will be posted tomorrow.

Check out the links for more on the process at desteni:

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course - 

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!

www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material - 

www.Eqafe.com

Forum support: 

www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki: 

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21 Day Self Forgiveness Challenge – Wanting Depth with my Partner – Day 515

Day 2-

Within myself I have always been a deep person, looking for and finding the truth of myself and this existence, I have been fascinated by this quest, pushing it and pushing myself to more and more depths, I thrive on this I would say. This is more a personal journey with myself, though with others, I have been seeing that there has been a desire to have such depth, to push for the meanings, the understandings, the realizations, and more of who we are together, though not all people are like me. Some are yes, though many that I have met aren’t and within this I have been struggling to feel satisfied with others and so only seek out those who support with this depth that I thrive off of. This has been especially coming up lately with my partner because we see things quite differently, it’s almost as though we see things in opposite ways, he tends to be more practical, scientific, and mathematical, where I am again looking for self introspection and realizations that will spring humanity into a new era of evolution and prosperity through this evolution of ourselves back to life here.

And it’s not to even say this is how it is, but this is more how I am seeing it at the moment, so within this relationship I am desiring this depth though it hasn’t manifested as of yet. I have been seeing that I am going into a frustration because of the two different ways we interpret and look at reality, so what I realized with a help of a friend is that every single relationship that we are in is unique unto themselves, there is no two that are the same and within this one can explore and create and express oneself in the uniqueness that is each one that we meet and interact with. This could be human, animal, or anything for that matter. I thought that was a very cool way of looking at it and supports with being here, living more real time and within this creating and expressing oneself based on the uniqueness of the moment rather then in the mind in comparison, wants, and backchat.

So I will do some self forgiveness on the desire to have depth in relationships and redefine the word unique to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a depth within relationships where I go into comparison of my relationship with myself and others, and create a negative or positive feeling based on the result of this comparison that effects the relationship within many aspects of the interaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the depth of a relationship that I feel with some, but not see, realize, and understand that it took time and patience to get to a point where the relationship could be lived in such a way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within my life I need to have all my relationships have depth and introspection of life’s biggest questions to have a meaningful and substantial development with another, when I see, realize, and understand how limiting this is within my life and my relationships with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy of feeling good and excited when I meet someone who is deep and interesting and so go into a belief that ‘I like this person a lot’, when I see, realize, and understand that this is just based on a desire fulfilled and keeps me complacent in my life to not change and experience that which is outside my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotion of anger and resentment when I am with another who is more interested in other subjects or things to do that don’t hold my interest and want to retreat and retract myself from the situation as fast as possible so I can go back to my comfort zone which is discovering depth and truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow emotions such as anger and resentment toward another for being them, and not see, realize, and understand that this is actually limiting and diminishing my capacity of growth and expansion outside my comfort zones to new topics and doings that I would have never had access to otherwise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like a person or not based on the feeling of excitement and goodness I go into when another peeks my interest of depth, as I see, realize, and understand that I am not directing myself within these relationships, but being moved by energy and dismissing beings equal to myself with equally something to share that is substantial and meaningful in whatever unique way is created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the uniqueness of each and every relationship I am in based on the very nature of life itself, it is always changing, ever expanding, and ever creating and within this one can expand and grow with and as life as one walks with others in their life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others based on this belief that I need depth and not see, realize, and understand everyone has meaning and everyone has a unique expression to share and learn from.

I commit myself to move into a uniqueness of each moment I am in, exploring the moment with another, expressing myself within depth and/or expression whenever it is here to express.

I commit myself to move myself into new opportunities and within my relationships to expand and grow in learning about others no matter who or how they live and seeing what we can walk together in what is best for all.

I commit myself to live unique which is walking without comparison with others and finding the individual expression that everyone I meet has to share and exploring and enjoying myself within these moments.

Self Supportive Material -
http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support:
http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook:
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Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

"Don't question My Authority" Character and Solution - Day 505

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A pattern I am noticing at my work that I have been participating in and not taking responsibility for has been when I am becoming irritated at others, not outright or not even a lot of the time, but there are moments where I will become irritated and frustrated as if I allowed these back chat thoughts to accumulate and then they come out in behavior or specific energy presences I’ll be in toward these people. What I am starting to realize more and more is that even though I may seem like I am not effecting others or I am not out right reacting to others in my presence, that even small resistances or irritations that I hold in, resonately can be felt by others and their behavior will in turn change. Before I started taking more and more responsibility for my thought, word, and deed, I would blame the other person for being the problem, reacting and causing a situation in the office or where ever we are, it was them not me. Though now, I am seeing how my very behavior, even in the slightest of movements or non-movements that I make, even one word that I say where I am in a slight reaction, overtime or even in that moment will change the person receiving my behavior and reactions in a way that is not supportive, and thus I can effect and change another persons presence and so have outflows in this instance that are not best for all, which is unacceptable.

So I am learning and realizing the responsibility I do hold within walking and being aware as I am of my own mind, my own thoughts, my own reactions, and having the tools of self support and self change I have been walking for six years now, I realize I must move myself to change myself always, it is always the question of ‘who am I in this moment?;. Those in my environment are not the one’s who are responsible at this stage because they have little to no knowledge of self honesty and self forgiveness, and thus their only access to becoming this is through my example and my living presence of myself. So I am moving myself here and forward to stop all reactions within me and not move until I am clear within looking at myself first before I speak or assist another person.

I will be walking the pattern/character that is playing out here in this specific scenario with another person at work and the solutions/living words I will support myself with to not accept anything less then what is best for all and changing myself to become my highest potential.

The character I saw that was playing out within this specific scenario is where my authority was being thwarted and I was becoming competitive and fearful of another attempting to tell me what to do and how to do my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the character of being the authority over others and placing value in this as if I am more then or superior to others, where I am believing myself to have the right and the privilege to direct and not be questioned or told what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become superior within my work position because I hold a leadership role over others and have created the belief that I am more then others or better equipped to be in this position and blindly placed a higher value in myself then others in my working environment because of this perceived authority I have over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive I have the right to tell people what to do and be pushy if I need to be to get people moving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need to use force to move people rather then living the words patience, gentleness, and support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able and have the right to not be questioned due to what I have to do and deal with at work, when I see, realize, and understand that I am not considering nor standing in anyone else’s shoes, but my own and desiring sympathy and recognition from others for what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nasty and spiteful toward others when I am not seen within an authority stand point and so within this become reactive in my backchat that this person is stepping out of line and that I should be respected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a power trip where I believe myself to be special and more then others based on what I do rather then see, realize, and understand that we are all doing work and all are equally here to be honored and respected for participating and supporting the flow of the work done and doing our best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see the bad of another and harp on that instead of seeing, realizing and understanding it’s not about the other at all, but who am I within what I do, how do I behave, and where am I standing within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be more based on the placement I am in in the company instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that it’s about each one being equals and supporting all to be there best as I support myself to stand in my best and do what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop moving in energy as irritation and take responsibility for myself where I see I am able to change and live the word support, where I can stand as a support for another when the moment arises rather then going into reaction and conflict.

I commit myself to see all in my work place as well as my world as equals and each one playing a role/part to support the whole of the business grow and stay prosperous.

I commit myself to stand with others as equals realizing that my role is not based on what I do but who I am within what I do and how I stand as a supportive example for others to be the best they can be.

I commit myself to live the word humility and see what I can learn from others and be assisted within their presence to grow and expand.

I commit myself to live the words patience’s and gentleness with others as how I would like to be treated if I was in the same position.

I commit myself to write out the systems and directions and become more self directed, so I can become a leader that is effective and supports all to be the best they can be.

Self Supportive Material - 

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Forum support: 

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Blame – The End is Near – Day 502

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Moving from my previous post, I opened up how I have been living the word blame and how within my current application I am using it as a way to become superior in moments, though what I realized is that it is only causing a self diminishment. This diminishment is based on the fact that within the blame there is a desire to be right, and within this desire there is a competition outflow that I participate toward others in my world causing there to be a war like environment rather then an environment that is supportive and inclusive of all in understanding and a respect within equality and oneness of all life.

I discussed this play out with my DIP buddy and she gave me the helpful insight and redefinition of the word ‘winning’, showing me that within the desire to win such as in competition with another where I start blaming and making it about being right and winning, that in fact I am not winning but losing as I am losing myself to my emotions, giving my power away, and diminishing the value exchange that could occur if I was living in a way that is best for all and standing in the shoes of the other in a wholesome way. Wholesome meaning standing in the others shoes, where I see them from there birth and understand what they have walked in there shoes to be/get to a point where they are in their life’s in that moment. And within this redefinition of this word ‘winning’ is that it’s not to win in competition and blame as in trying to be right, but win in the way where I am standing through the desire to compete, blame and be right, and stand within my principle of understanding, unconditional listening, and supporting the other as an equal to find solutions that is best for all. And here this word is redefined to live in a way where I am ‘winning’ in the sense that I am building my self trust, self integrity, and self stability within myself in my world where I am standing more and more as an example of solutions in what’s best and so standing as a plus one for a world that is best for all.

So how I am seeing blame is more of a ‘lazy’ way of living in self interest, where it’s a living in resistance of not wanting to face self, introspect, and walk the correction process necessary to take responsibility for oneself, but move into a point of isolation more and more and fear as I go further from my self trust and self integrity by harming others in my world with my words and not taking responsibility for myself to change.

So forgiveness on myself for continuing to live out this pattern for such a long time:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a pattern of perpetual blame onto others in my world because I believe that I am not at fault as I listen to my backchat speak to me about how it’s all others faults, looking what they do and say, look it how they treat and disrespect me, look at how rude they are, not at all self introspecting and seeing the actual facts and reality of this thoughts that are coming up through writing and self corrective writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self victimization based on the level of attack and abuse my mind was giving me about how others are treating me, not asserting myself within my directive will, to stop my mind with breath, self introspection in writing, and changing myself in what ever has to be done so I am here and clear to why patterns are playing out within me and so have the corrective process and living words understood to be able to change in real time moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag out more time then is necessary on process points I have to face and transcend through the writing process and self introspection by allowing distractions to occupy my time and within these distractions suppress my real behaviors, thoughts, and actions that I see I am participating in and not changing longer then is necessary to face.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self responsibility for myself within the actions and behaviors I have created in my world where I give myself a naive look of myself as a young person at heart that is in need of soft touches and within that focus only on my external reality and how I am being effected by it, reacting, and so blaming these reactions on others, when I see, realize, and understand that within myself I am creating the reactions, I am not asserting and moving myself in a way I realize and have proven to myself in real time I am capable of, and so prolonging my process of self realization longer then it has to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be convoluted within myself by blame and distractions not seeing, realizing, and understanding the overall and specific outflows this is causing in my life where my life circumstances are getting more intense and more compromising as I continue to live in ignorance to the responsibility I hold to move myself and stand as I am not new at this process and tools of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional about this process of change and so go into more reactions then necessary about who and how I am living within myself and my world, and change and transform myself each and every moment I am here to be my best and live my best through making my moments count and supporting myself in my highest potential in each moment.

I commit myself to let go of the desire to blame others for my life circumstances and so take responsibility for myself to understand my reactions, understand the programs that are playing out within, and write out the script of self change that’ll be necessary to walk to live change in this reality that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop blaming my world by living the word self response – ability.

I commit myself to live the words unconditional listening where I here and understand the other fully to their satisfaction and take responsibility for any reaction that comes up, where I immediately take the point on in self forgiveness aloud, or note it to be written out later to be faced and corrected.

I commit myself to use the word blame as a cross-reference for me in my world of where I am falling into self victimization and immediately apply the change necessary to take responsibility for myself and do what has to be done to walk the correction into a way that is best for all.

I commit myself to live the redefined word as winning where I stop my mind in falling in energy and move into self trust, self stability, and self directiveness in what is best for all.

Blame Interview Recording Support:
Blame: The Design - Atlanteans - Part 180
Blame: From Beginning to End - Atlanteans - Part 181
Blame: Self Forgiveness: Phase 1 - Atlanteans - Part 182
Blame: Self Forgiveness: Phase 2 - Atlanteans - Part 183
Blame: The Hidden Nature - Atlanteans - Part 184
Blame: Imprisoning Yourself - Atlanteans - Part 185
Blame: Absolute Choices - Atlanteans - Part 186
Blame: Taking Responsibility - Atlanteans - Part 187

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The Blame Game - Day 501

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Blame for me is something that is like a thorn on my side, I know I do it often and it consistently comes up in my world, though I am seeing that I can convolute myself within it to such an extent where I believe I can’t see it. So I am not self honest within this, I am not standing within a point of self responsibility to stand for myself and so eventually another to be able to see this system for what it is and transform it into a direction that is supportive and best for all.

Blame as a mind construct or creation from thoughts is something that I can see is not supportive, it creates me into a constant cycle of energy, where I am being directed like a carrot on a stick to this desire to win or be right and so within that believe that others are not right and others have to lose, which creates the experience of becoming lost making it more and more difficult to act in a self responsible way directing myself within what is best for all.

Winning or being right within my view point where I start to rise in energy and within that my physical tones start to rise, show that I am not stable any longer within my communication, but that I am starting to access the blame system. Because within the blame system, you don’t have to look at yourself in the moment, you can create all sorts of whys and why nots that you are not at fault and the other is. Though over time I have realized that that is actually the trap, blaming another person no matter in what context or what degree, is going to trap oneself in the perpetual cycle of up and downs of winning and lose. And in blame you never win, but always lose as you give your power away to your emotions and create an abusive destructive environment as your wake.

Blame is heavily influenced within competition and competition is created within insecurity and judgment I have found. When one cycles in the polarity of judging self thus making one feel insecure and then going out in the world and attempting to become superior and win, you become reactive and point fingers not wanting to see the actual behavior and consequences one is creating for oneself to realize eventually that this way of living is futile and will only end in frustration and limitation.

So when the blame system comes up, my buddy and myself have come up with some cool and supportive ways to move through this with a definition of the word winning, where I was been triggered into a blame spiral when I saw that I was feeling like I needed to compete and win. And so creating the blame game flow of making it about the other person being weak/bad and self being strong/good, not for real of course only in my mind do I beLIEve this and so it get's validated through experiences as positive and negative energy. This of course being unacceptable behavior as I am causing deliberately abuse to another where I could stop and change in this moment, but don't. 

I will continue with Self forgiveness and self correction in my next blog, and also redefine the word blame and winning to support with more structure to stop this playout from occurring and change real time to a support being who stands for what is best for all life. Thanks for reading.

Blame Interview Recording Support:

Blame: The Design - Atlanteans - Part 180
Blame: From Beginning to End - Atlanteans - Part 181
Blame: Self Forgiveness: Phase 1 - Atlanteans - Part 182
Blame: Self Forgiveness: Phase 2 - Atlanteans - Part 183
Blame: The Hidden Nature - Atlanteans - Part 184
Blame: Imprisoning Yourself - Atlanteans - Part 185
Blame: Absolute Choices - Atlanteans - Part 186
Blame: Taking Responsibility - Atlanteans - Part 187


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How to Become Conflict Resolution Oriented - Day 480

My process of walking from not knowing how to solve conflict at work to creating a way to resolve conflict and stay solution oriented. Enjoy and thanks for listening.


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What was my backchat about tonight? Day 424

About Being controlled through the implications of the words being used.

Creating anger towards him based on believing this statement is true that I am being controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the back chat I created of assuming the words being used was based and implied to show control  over me and form me into someone that I am not in awareness directing as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control others and desire to control others to get what I want out of the situation and have my will be dominate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control others for my own self interest and exist within the point of not wanting to form agreements and find solutions because I want to win as I am being driven by ego and competition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within competition and so exist within self compromise because I realize I am only competing with myself and so fighting against myself as life here is all me. I must will solutions for them to be for real for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is someone who exist within an absolute knowledge of who I am and that I don’t need to or want to listen to anyone else telling me either in reaction or in real introspection who I am within what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the information based on the one giving the information as I have judged them within it and so skewed the whole point being presented instead of a learning process and an opportunity to expand myself to then go into my mind and reacting and feed energy as anger and frustration towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal that I being told what to do and given directions within being informed within it of what is happening and what is being done and so within this go into an energy of ‘f that’ and not wanting to cooperate or find solutions with others in my reality, and stop separating myself and causing abuse, and breath, look again, see what all the options are, and create a path as a solution that will support all involved as I realize, see, and understand that this option is here and I can decide to live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ego and self interest where I want to win and be right and compete with this being and not become humble and let go of these desires to fight and compete, and so miss the opportunity to create the path for peaceful resolutions that are available if I but walk it into reality and stop my mind from reacting and going into alternate realities as imagination, backchat, and projected play outs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk self forgiveness on the point and not implement the forgiveness realization within the next breaths I took and so create a passive aggression within the forgiveness I am speaking which is only diminishing myself and so creating the diminishment of my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my reality within who I have become as my living action and so create abuse rather then slowing down and finding the solutions that will support growth and intimacy with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not desire to get close to others and develop intimacy because I am afraid of being hurt and so will fight and disagree within this desire to not have to face this fear with others of being hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept fear as my reality instead of standing up within and determining myself within my own self will to stand as integrity lived and stop the emotions though embracing them and moving them through me as I see they no longer serve me, and walk the stability of being here, and the solutions that will open up as I see more of what here is as the distractions of energy as emotions has been released.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stop energy and let go of my ego because I have become safe within it and determined who I am as it, and this comfort I do not want to give up, but I realize, and see, and understand that this comfort is not real comfort as it’s only based on stagnation and abuse as separation with others as I become isolated and shut myself off from others to not have to face this discomfort that is happening when I move beyond my fear and face my reality I have created and so this comfort is actually not real because it never leads to lasting comfort as stability within self.

When and as I see I am going into my backchat and starting to critic and think about others in blame, I stop and breath, and realize that this is only going to cause the self diminishment of me and stop the process of self expansion within my reality and intimacy with others that I can create as solution process that will be opening up if I just stop energy and walk with others in humbleness.

I commit myself to stop going into backchat through breath and embracing myself as it and releasing it as I realize it is not who I am, I do not define myself as this any more, and let it go.

I commit myself to breath until I am stable and then walk self forgiveness on the points I see I wanted to blame others or compromise myself with in separation to my world.

I commit myself to let go of judgments of others as I realize this is only judging and condemning myself.

I commit myself to in all it’s forms breath and find solutions that will support life and what is best for all through humbleness process of releasing my ego through self forgiveness and breathing and self correction, and walking this correction as solutions with others in my world and reality to create a better world.

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