Living Self Courage - Moving through Resistances – Day 429

Yesterday I had a work event where I had to face my fears and move through resistances that were intense and very familiar. This initially started in the morning before I was set to go to the event, when I am getting ready, I would look in the mirror and see within myself that I am not looking good enough. I will then start to participate in thoughts and feelings of anxiety and dread about the day where I am going to be feeling ‘ugly’ the whole day. Now this feeling is something I have been living with for a long time, this coming from many times and patterned behaviors from the past where I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and in my mind analyze myself in comparison to others in why I am worse or better.

So going to this event all the same patterns started to emerge, where I was dreading walking out the door because within me I had already failed, I was already seeing myself as a failure based on not being able to compete and live up to this illusion of an expectation I have been creating in my mind that I have to look perfect to then be able to present myself as perfect, though this perfection doesn’t in fact exist. There is no one on the planet that is able to live up to the expectation I have morphed and changed and sculpted within my mind to be this perfect picture, it simply is illusionary and absolutely insane that I am allowing this point to have so much power over me. I realize though through support form eqafe that the mind is using these moments where I give in and give up within myself to take over and keep generating these thoughts and emotions for me to believe this is real, this is who I am so the mind within my physical body can generate energy and continue existing as it does in full control.

Though, thankfully I have supportive partner who helped me walk through the door and get me to the event where we needed to be at that moment. I again at the booth started to see these thoughts and the feelings were coming up of dread and feeling like I am a failure, but again I kept getting supportive words from those around me and this helped. I then saw this fear and I was looking at it and within me seeing that it is so strong and so big, I don’t know how I am going to be able to walk and do this, and stop participating in these thoughts and feelings. Though the only way to my freedom from these feelings and thoughts continuing to haunt me is for me to in real time stop them, breath, forgive myself, and stand within myself as a life force able and willing to move beyond my fears, and live self courage.

This the courage and living of never giving up or giving into to these thoughts and feelings of diminishment no matter what I face is an act of perseverance to push through and make this world a better place. So as life is here always to be faced as self, I then got put into the situation that I was fearing where I had to speak to the people walking by because there was no one else who could. So I started speaking. And again I started speaking, and then again, and by the fourth or fifth time I was feeling like my ‘normal’ self again, I found my words and I was actually pretty surprised at my ability to speak to others and find ways to explain the product in the moment.

My point to the blog is that in order to move through our fears and our beliefs about ourselves of self compromise like I have with this fear of people and believing I am not good enough for this, I realized that this resistance has to be walked through, the fears have to be walked through and faced in the moment, and I have to change in the moment, I have to move myself to change this belief about myself and prove that I can become more. Otherwise there is no other way to the success I want for myself in selling my product or the success to making the world a better place. I have to face these things and within this the gift had emerged where I was able to see my potential in action in real time as I shared myself and moved myself to support my business in the opportunities presented and I created to do so. I also am grateful for these people in my life who support me when I need it and are there for me when I am not there for myself.

Self forgiveness to come as I will walk more in the next blog on this point of letting go of fear and walking through resistances. Thanks.

If you want to support yourself and this world to be a better place,

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Interview Support:

You Will Never Let Go - Quantum Mind Self Awareness
Can't Let Go: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 229
Can't Let Go: Transform Your Memories - Atlanteans - Part 230
Can't Let Go: Giving Up - Atlanteans - Part 231

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My Experience with Confidence In Appearance - Part 5 - Day 365

Visit more cool art here: Desteni Artists

Featured Artist: Matti Freeman

This is a Series, here are the others for reference:
My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362
Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363
Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4 – Day 364

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define myself within the experience of myself as confident when I see when looking in the mirror I get a positive energy kick as I see that within my idea of the picture in my mind has been satisfied and I am feeling confident to go out in public and face others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my feeling of who I am through an experience of positive feelings when I see myself in the mirror and am satisfied with what I see and that have the thought that ‘now I can go and feel confident in myself’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my mind that I have to fufill and satisfy before I will go out with others and if I don’t satisfy this picture the feeling of confidence ends and I become insecure proving that this confidence is not in fact real because it depends on other factors rather then a living of it within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my confidence level based on the picture I see in the mirror and feel anxiety and fear when in public if I don’t have a picture that I am satisfied with when I look in the mirror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself worth and confidence within myself based on my picture in the mirror rather then the who I am as a person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the mind when I have the thought ‘now I can go and feel confident in myself’ and so go into public and feel better about myself due to this conclusion that I look my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy of positive feelings as excitement and a comfortableness if I am satisfied with the picture I see in the mirror and then become more comfortable in public situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when looking in the mirror and I am not satisfied with the way I look and accept the thought of ‘man, I look ugly  right now’ and so go into public feeling less comfortable and more anxious around other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat and judge others based on what they look like and compare there look with mine, and so feel confident or not based on the way I compare to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel better about myself through accepting the positive energy as excitement or comfortableness when I see myself as more then others and so get a sense of confidence within myself and become more comfortable with being in public with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better about myself within myself if I am more then others within my mind through judgment of others around me and base my experience of myself on this judgment I have made in feeling more or less then others.

When and as I see I am going into my mind and comparing myself to a mirror image of myself or with another and judging it as good/bad, I stop and breath, and realize this is being enslaved within a polarity of positive and negative that will continue as I separate myself from others and my own living through judgment. I realize I will only be able to live in equality and so true self confidence if I build it through my actions and words based on the actual reality of what is here including and accepting all as myself.

I commit to stop judging and sizing myself up and others in my mind.

I commit to let go of the energy of feeling good or bad about myself and accepting myself in that moment absolutely.

I commit to stop the backchat thoughts of polarity of ugly/beautiful.

I commit myself to build confidence in myself through the way I build myself over time through self responsibility and living in a principled way and following through.

I commit myself to stop judging others.

I commit myself to stop judging myself.

I commit myself to accept myself and push with all people by become comfortable with myself.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

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Day 294- Self Judgment – Backchat Breakdown – Thought #3 - Lack in Self Confidence

 

Please reference these blogs, for further context to this quote below:
Day 291 – Self Judgment – The Voice of Unreason
Day 292- Self Judgment – Back Chat Breakdown – Thought #1
Day 293 – Self Judgment – Backchat Breakdown – Thought 2

“I am too far gone for this to work out and be able to be stable with another, I am not able to stand stable, I am too fucked up to be able to have a guy be into me and have it work out.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only continue to see and recognize the past, the past as me as an abuser to myself, and not stand and stop this point forevermore as the solution I see I am walking for myself and is possible as I continue on this journey to life, self freedom in self honesty and self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by what the thoughts in my head are saying to me when in no way are they supporting me to become a human being of stability and self sufficiency - where life is lived in equality, and thus I realize this is something not to take for reality because life for real is equal and one as unconditional support, and thus I must change my starting point in thisrelationship with myself as my thoughts to align equal and one to life which is in the physical and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a disappointment within myself as being let down based on believing the mind reality of my backchat as a self defeatism outlook and thus live within my world in depression because keeping telling myself and living out that I am not as good as another, when in reality I am making this entire thing up and sabotaging myself because of fear of changing myself within this point and seeing who I am without fear by walking as self expression within this point of being with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in self sabotage and continue to follow the backchat of self defeatism based on fearing rejection and having to face the reality of being rejected by another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who are rejected by others as lower in status then those who are accepted, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, think, and interact with others in this regard as less then if they are rejected and more acceptable if they are accepted by the group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my expression to fit into a group, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self compromise to be accepted and not have to face this point of rejection, but thus live the point of devolution of self as freedom as this is in no way freedom of self as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the word failure and the experience of a lower standing then others within this point of being rejected by others, when really this is a point that is not in alignment and thus is not able to be walked at this time when I am rejected within my reality, it’s not to take it personal, but just realize it’s a point to let it be for a moment until another opportunity comes to support if I am able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with myself based on the negative experiences in my past, I realize I must let these go to move on and become here able to see me for real in my physical environment as my physical body, and direct myself in my expression as I walk and expand myself within what it means to be one and equal with life as me as I face my world in self awarenessand self responsibility to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a perfect ideal for others to worship and praise and give me nice feelings not realizing this will create the polarity play out of the negative of myself based on the intensity of my participation within the thought, feeling, and thus living action of these play outs, and so equal and one creates the same in my world but just within opposite energies extremes, both creating the same outflow to these consequences, separation with life and separation with myself.

When and as I go into a point of desiring to resist another due to the backchat thought I am thinking of self sabotage, I stop and breath, realizing that this will create a point of self imprisonment of my own making listening to illusion as my mind in the backchat program of keeping me suppressed, and all the while suppressing my expression in the physical where instead I can be using my gifts, my communication, me living to expand and grow who I am with my world and the world at large for the outcome of what is best for all as I build this relationship within myself as myself equal and one.

I commit myself to let go of all thoughts of backchat of self sabotage through breathing and not participating in not a one of these thoughts through forgiving them, letting them go, and continue to walk as the physical, embracing me within my physical body and moving through the points I am resisting building my integrityand awareness as self trust.

I commit myself to find the solutions within the points that I fear through understanding the fear, and moving through that fear by facing it, and finding the path that will transcend it be it through my own push of self action or standing stable in a point of desire to move in energy, I remain focused on what the matter is here and that is life in what is best for all.

I commit to stop all self interest for me to be happy and gain a point of status, and so I commit to continue to walk all my breaths here in the pursuit of life in oneness and equality through and as myself as I transcend the control of the mind as the directive principle of myself to my own self direction in common sense here within and as the physical.

I commit myself to let go of the emotion of failure and disappointment within myself and stand as the realization of how far I have come, what I have changed within me, and what I can give to others to support with this change in all areas I touch and expand into as I have done this already for myself.

I give as I would like to receive, which is the way to life in freedom for all.


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Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
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Day 293 – Self Judgment – Backchat Breakdown – Thought 2

Please reference these blogs, for further context to this quote below:
Day 291 – Self Judgment – The Voice of Unreason
Day 292- Self Judgment – Back Chat Breakdown – Thought #1

‘how are we going to be able to discuss things, I am too ugly in my face and my face is deformed for him to look within my eyes long enough to like me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my face as deformed and ugly based on my mind's eye seeing it in self judgment through creating this picture in my head based on my imaginations of how I saw myself due to being picked on in school and the ideas I had in my head of how much of a loser i am because of this.

I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a loser because i was picked on in school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my mind within imagination as less then and ugly and play this out in reality seeing myself less then others and inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge deformation and beauty within this world as if it is something that is inferior to other human beings, I realize this is a gross mistake and cause me to become separated from all life forms here as well as myself as we are all different in expressions equally yet all one life force here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life and then judge it as bad/good when i realize it is all here as me as self, and thus I am one and equal and thus responsible for all that is here, within and without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this idea of myself as someone who is ugly because within me I have an ideal playing out that I desire to be beautiful above others and gain more attention and praise for myself over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life about self interest in desire to be more then others and seek attention to have good feelings about myself all the while creating this polarity play out of imagination of who I am within my mind due to defining me by my external world and reality through pictures, and not what is real here within myself and what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less capable then others based on believing this imagination play out and the moments in my mind saying in thoughts that I am this picture of imperfection, when in reality I am just a human being living in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the physical body in all and any part as separate from any other part of whole of the body and thus create a polarity as ugly/beautiful, and thus causeconflict within myself as my physical body something that is can not change and thus is not able to live up to this ideal and thus definition putting me in a path to nowhere constantly in conflict with myself and my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this backchat thought that I am ugly and deformed and thus not desire to approach or be with this potential person because I see myself as inferior and already see it ending bad because he will probably not like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this pattern of self sabotage, and thus continue to act in ways where I am creating a point of demise for myself and thus create the instances of my self sabotage by existing as backchat and listening to them through living them out by sabotage myself with others in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not go and meet the other person due to following this thought that I am not good enough for him and he will probably not like me because of the thought saying and I agree that I am so ugly and not ok looking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my thoughts instead of walking the physical with the other, what is real, what we communicate about, how we interact, what is the reality like, instead of going into a point of self defeatism before even meeting.

When and as I go into a point of seeing myself as less then others in my backchat thoughts, I stop and breath, and realize that this will lead to self sabotage and self defeatism, where I will likely avoid the situation and facing my fears and thus allow the mind to control and lose my self empowerment.

I commit myself to breath through all backchat thoughts, and walk the physical point of facing this point that I am trying to avoid, see what comes of it in reality, and allow myself to experience life and living with others.

I commit myself to stop this point of sabotaging myself by stopping the thoughts when they arise or become aware, and expressing myself openly and freely.

I commit myself to stop the self judgments of who I look and how I act, and thus allow myself to just be here and exist with others in my world.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

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Day 292- Self Judgment – Back Chat Breakdown – Thought #1

Please reference this blog, for further context to this quote below:

Day 291 – Self Judgment – The Voice of Unreason

‘this is not going to work, your too all over the place, he’ll want someone more stable and calm’ 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this thought as real and thus contemplate ending any chance or interaction with this potential partner due to this thought that I am not ready, I am not someone who will be good for him, I am not stable enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what my mind was saying and follow that through potentially sabotaging the whole meet up due to fear instead of looking at my progression in the physical, how I have changed within and as my own dedication, will and action, and stopped this point of sabotage of myself with the mind that is not in fact real or fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind over my physical action, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind as the illusion of thoughts telling me who I am instead of standing within my own self doing and awareness of who I am by how I live and how I have changed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection of this potential partner and thus create scenerios in my mind where I used in the past to sabotage myself so I don’t have to face this potential of possibly being rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind in my own self interest in the past to not have to face my fears, and thus blame the mind for what it is that I am doing as sabotaging myself instead of taking responsibility for myself and realizing it is me as the mind that has to change, I the directive principle of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to sabatoge myself and thus use and abusethese backchat thoughts of less then beleifs to do this with and make me not move and push through my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use illusions as thoughts and thus backchat thought of seeing myself less then to justify my existing in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to direct me in my living instead of directing myself in common sense and what is best for all.

When and as I see myself going into my mind and following backchat thoughts of self sabotage, I stop and breath, and realize that these thoughts are not who I am and are not real. I realize I define and thus am able to direct myself in my own awareness based on how I live in the physical and who I am within my beingness.

I commit myself to not accept this thought of ‘this is not going to work, your too all over the place, he’ll want someone more stable and calm’ to direct me by speaking this is not real it’s my backchat, and breathingthrough this thought, and walking the path of the physical, facing my fear.

I commit myself to check and see what is the point that I am abdicating to the mind by accepting this backchat thought, and bring this point through writing and correction so it stops having power over me.

I commit myself to move within physical awareness and not participate in any backchat thought that arises by not participating.

When and as I see that I am going into fear and following this backchat due to this fear, I stop and breath, and realize that fear is not who I am and I am not bound by this fear. I realize I can move beyond fear by facing it and finding the point that is able to be walked to support to stabilize myself and walk what is best for the situation.

I commit myself to move my physical body through this fear by pushing myself to face the fear, find the common ground within the points, and walk the physical solution in self honesty to support me to be stable, find this point through writing, and push myself to live it.

I commit myself to find the trigger point for this fear and push this point to face it and stop it from controlling me, and in this case stop the thoughts from directing me by focusing on what is physically real and that life is equal and one.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source