Day 43 -Sup-Press Me Down Please, I'm Afraid

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself in front of others because I fear sounding stupid when I realize and see that this is only my self projection of the judgments I am having of them and thus I am limiting myself due to the judgments I hold of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself due to the fear of failing at what it is that I am expressing in and will be seen as less then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge others and thus be in competition of others when I meet them as my starting point.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within suppression of myself because I am competing with others and allowing fear of being less then others direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as competition towards others and thus define my living based on how I will be able to win and become more then others and thus go into suppression if I see that I will not be able to win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into suppression to escape and hide from having to put myself out there in front of others and be vulnerable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear putting myself out there and being vulnerable because I fear I will get hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear getting hurt by another and fear another seeing me as less then who I am here based on the belief that I will get hurt if I don't walk this point into perfection which caused me to feel this vulnerability.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear being seen less then others here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear being seen as stupid.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear being seen as boring.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I feared being called out by another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself because I fear being humiliated or embarrassed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I see myself not as good as others and thus give up before I even give something a go.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I see myself less then others and not as capable as others thus always have the belief that I will fail and not be able to succeed completely in what it is I am doing thus I use suppression to not have to face the failure in front of others so I just don't even try and just get comfy in the depths of suppression of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I don't accept myself here and see myself able to do anything worth while in a meaningful and perfect way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I believe that I will hurt and diminish others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear letting others down and having to face them when the shit hits the fan so to speak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear facing people.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I fear that I will not make it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself because I hold myself up to a standard of perfection and thus do not actually live and walk perfection which is a process but expect it every time in immediacy which is not realistic nor practical and actually impossible because it is not being walked in real space time but here and immediate within my mind showing it is not real but a belief made up in the head and showing the irrationalbility the mind exist within and as in this reality because how can I be perfect when I don't know what it means to be perfect because I haven't walked the understanding of it as this take time and direct participation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not give myself the opportunity to live and express myself in freedom because I am allowing fear and feelings of self diminihsment to direct me thus I accept and allow myself to go into suppression so I don't have to face myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into suppression to escape myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use fear as a means to not have to face myself and thus I realize this is only a point of self interest where I am not walking through the fear which is not real but allowing and accepting diminishment of myself here as fear and allowing the mind to direct me as fear is a mind creation is not real, is not substantial thus not rational to allow something as fear to direct me that does not in fact exist but I have made up within myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from myself here as life and allow suppression and fear direct me instead of me here standing directing myself in what has to be done to walk equality and oneness as myself for what is best for all and walk the process that is here back to life as who I am as all in oneness and equality to what is real as this physical existence where all are.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into beliefs about myself and others within allowing and accepting polarities in self interest so I can be comfortable and not have to push myself out of my comfort zone to have to walk the change and stand as life as what is real and what is best for all meaning push my comfortability and walk in instability for a moment to become stable for real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed by beliefs and polarities which I realize neither are real as they come from the mind in separation to me here as life and thus I stop participating in them and walk within the physical and correct myself by stopping the energy participation of myself in these separations as belief and polarities.

When and as this point to suppress myself comes up in my world to escape taking responsibility for myself or not wanting to face a fear, I stop, breath, and immediately walk into and as what I resist and want to suppress and face the responsibility I created and walk through the fears and judgments I am holding. I walk within the focus and understanding of who I am here and keep it physical with what is real and what is common sense and can be directed in practical terms for what is best for all. I realize and see that the only way to transcend this feeling of fear and desire to suppress myself to hide is by facing myself each and every moment and using my self honesty to walk my resistance and walk the process of myself to re-align with who I am here one and equal with all life.

I commit to stopping going into suppression and facing my fears and resistances in self honesty.

I commit to give myself some room to breath and not expect myself to be perfect when I haven't walked self perfection yet in my living.

I commit to be humble with myself and gentle and allow myself to breath and move at a pace I am comfortable with not going into ego to win or do this for others, but walk my SELF support to walk this for real and transcend this fear of failing and facing myself here within and as my world.



why do I suppress myself, no self trust, fear of life, fear of people, fear of living, limiting self, self perfection, living stable in this world, equality, equal life, equal money, eqafe, journey to life, desteni 2012

Day 26 - Me as a Weakling Polar B(F)ear - Part 1

Looking at a point of fear in my reality, what I see is that I fear conflict with others. I fear being shut down and humiliated with another so I rather not go there and kind of skate through life scenarios. Within this skating through I will remain in fear because I am not directing the point, facing it, but suppressing and avoiding the point of humiliation and conflict with others by just skating through and being passive, so I can stay safe in my bubble until the next moment where I can be happy again by becoming the strong one.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear conflict with others due to the fear of being shut down and humiliated in front of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear others and have a belief that if I am in a conflict with another I will have the chance to be proved wrong or seen as not as good as the other and within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself within the other in a point of ego where I am in competition and thus looking to win and be on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to only be existing here within competition and comparison with another in my world and thus when faced with a point that is in conflict I suppress myself and go into fear because of a dislike and petrification of being seen and humiliated within and as my peers and others in a way where I will be seen less then and be seen as the loser because I got called out.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in fear of this point of humiliation based on me accepting and allowing myself to be within and as a point of competing and trying to win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the feeling of embarrassment and humiliation based on defining this feeling as bad and thus avoiding it to not have to feel it again thus avoiding people and suppressing my expression due to allowing this feeling to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define a feeling as bad and thus allow it to direct me into suppression and limitation within my world and my expression based on seeing this feeling as real and that it is who I am and thus be defined by myself through defining me as bad and inferior due to holding onto this belief that humiliation means I lose and I am a loser.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus fear people who I see as strong and confident within their demeanor and out going and thus go into suppression of myself and limit my participation with them within the expectation that I will freeze up and not be able to hold my own and thus expect me to be humiliated so thus I rather just not express and suppress myself to not have to face this feeling.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress my expression with others due to the belief that if I do express myself with someone who shows they are strong I will lose as I see myself as weak and thus will then have to face this humiliation as I see that I was beaten in the argument and thus could potentially be called out or made fun of which I fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear others within a picture of confidence and out goingness within their personality and thus allow suppression based on holding onto past memories where I was humiliated and thus had to face this emotion as embarrassment and being seen as weak and less then because I lost within the conflict/competition with my peers.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto memories of the past with my peers where I would be called out and humiliated in front of others and thus be defined as weak and made fun of and thus within that defined myself as weak and less then as I was called out and lost within the competition with the other in the conflict that was being faced and thus defined me as weak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as weak and less then others based on holding onto past memories with my peers when I was seen as weak and thus called out on this as I lost the competition of egos and thus was casted as a weakling with the group based on defining myself by this and playing into this role.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a inferiority stance within myself and suppress myself around others especially those in my peer group and not face them within what is being lived but go into suppression of myself so thus I don't have to face this idea of possibly being humiliated again based on my fear of this and being seen by this from others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself with others based on holding onto memories of being humiliated and called out and due to this fear of being humiliated I go into suppression of my self expression because I don't want to lose and have my ego damaged as being seen as less then others in a obvious way by accepting myself to play this role and thus define all life as myself as weak/strong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within and as competition with myself here and thus go into a point of perfection where I am trying to live up to this picture of perfection within my mind and thus holding all points within my world to this standard and when points play out within the win/loss scenarios and I define myself as 'loser' I go into more of a state of suppression as depression due to me seeing myself as a 'loser' and less then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself as less then others here and thus allowing myself to go into fear towards others in my world due to the fact that I am separating myself from life as me and defining myself by how others treat me through the eyes of competition and thus defining my world in these win/loss, weak/strong play outs.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within a point of competition in the quest for perfection as I desire this for myself as my ego so I can win and be the best in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow my ego to direct me in my world where I go into competition and comparison with others and live into this superior/inferior happy/depressed scenario based on what polarity I am getting as feedback in my world based on my reaction to others and how the play out is played out based on seeing and thus defining myself within either weak or strong and thus playing this role in my world by either becoming out going and boisterous or suppressing myself and fearing others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to play the role as inferior/superior based on my desire to be the best and thus allow and accept myself to go into suppression/happiness based on what polarity I am playing out in reaction to my world and my idea of who I am in relation to the ideas and fear of others I am holding on to.

To be continued.....





perfection, living perfect, self help, self hatred, fear of others, being bullied, being humiliated, ego, fear of life, equality, equal money, eqafe, journey to life, desteni, 2012