Friday, November 16, 2018
I haven't written a blog in some time though I enjoy writing, I will continue on writing out my mind process and the self-forgiveness with it so as to support myself and maybe support others in their mental health and so physical well being of their life.
The topic for today is about sadness, I have been sad recently and for me, in my life, I really should not be sad. I have everything I need, I have many opportunities, and lots of people who care about me and give me support. So I have a lot, though this sadness is coming from within me, seems deep, a deep point of sadness I have been experiencing, one I know as I open it up will be challenging though this is what I want to uncover, the shit that challenges me so I can face it once and for all and move on to live more self-direct and self-supportive through understanding and so living the change necessary. So for this sadness, I am seeing it is due to relationships, I am feeling lonely currently and this is due to a desire to have companionship and essentially a partner. This I am more seeing as a program that is coming up, a habitual desire that I have participated in for a lot of my life because when I am alone I need to take more of an effort to be with me, like there is this deep hole within me that I feel some sort of emptiness and within that my life feels dull or boring or more that I am not feeling fulfilled in who and what I am doing.
Though practically speaking I am doing a lot, mostly work these days, I am running a company with my cousin and dad who is soon to retire, and we are very busy. I am understaffed at the moment so I am having to pick up all the little tasks that are needing to get done and no one is there to do them. So I have a lot of work like task work to do every day, this is somewhat fulfilling, though this is more for survival and within this, it does not sit well with me as something that I would like to do and live as my creative pursuit in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I do understand that work of all kind is necessary as stuff has to get done and not everyone can do what they love to do, though I do see a better way and potential for humanity to exist in this world that is not needing to survive to exist. But in the meantime, this is what I am doing, so there is pressure on me to perform and be responsible for all these tasks I do on a daily basis as well as the extra stuff that comes up that needs to get done. So my job for the most part is fine, though within my purpose of why I am doing this job and my plans to support a higher good are always within me, so this pursuit is a point of self-fulfilling I can stand within as walking such a goal is not only supporting myself but lots of others as well. So this in the process and as I walk this and fulfill what I set out to do, I can see a satisfaction being lived out. Patience and flexibility are also needed in such ventures though pushing through challenges and staying disciplined I have found are hallmarks to building the fulfillment of self that I am seeing I am yearning for.
Another point is that I am desiring a partner to settle down with, though I am also seeing that I have a fear here due to not wanting to get into a relationship where the person will not work out or will not suit me well. I find myself to be a bit peculiar in my interests and pursuits though I do see that I will fit in with someone nicely if they do decide to come around. So it seems that this sadness as of late is coming from a desire to have a relationship yet fearing one due to not wanting to get into the wrong one or one that will not work out in the end. I also have this idea coming up that when I am in one and have that desire met it'll lose its lust and I will desire to be single again, and not want to deal with the inner workings and dealings that relationships with others bring.
So I will walk some forgiveness on these points and clear the path for a change I can live with and brings out the best, here it goes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a desire to have a specific outcome in my day and life where I know what I am doing, who I will be, and who I will meet and thus fulfill a desire to have a fulfilling conversation or interaction with another to where I feel more valuable or worthy because I did interact with them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a desire to interact and have friendly conversations with others in my world because I have created the idea and belief that if I am having friendly conversations with others it means I have value and have something to offer others because they decided to stop and talk.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to go into a point of reveling in the energy of being liked, having people to talk to, being seen by others, getting noticed and thus desire to have this and so if I don't have this intereaction believe I then am not these things, not good enough essentially.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if i am not being noticed or talked to by others that I am then not as worthy as when I am being noticed and talked to by others, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on counting and holding the score of who talks to me and when.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the energetic desire of feeling good and happy when i am noticed and people talk to me and thus within my secret mind go into competition and comparison of others where I label and polarize myself and others based on the numbers, and create assumptions of why some are getting more and some aren't, which is not actually standing in physical reality here but lingering in the mind illusions of thought.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was younger create the decision to see myself as not as good as others based on the experience I got when I was humiliated in front of others and thus saw others kids not having to go through this experience, seeing myself as inferior and less than and from there desire and decided to figure out why I am this way and others are able to bypass such uncomfortable experiences such as these.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on a memory of experiences I went through as a child and thus hold onto the conclusions I made in that time instead of here changing who I am in relation to these memories and experiences within me and redefine who I am in relation to friendship, people on the street, family members, coworkers, and thus give myself a foundation for my stand to thus use as a point of creative movement.
I commit myself to redefine the word friendship for myself in relation to the relationships in my life and who I will be without comparison or competition, but me as a being meeting myself in another.
This for next blog, thanks for reading.
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Sunday, September 30, 2018
WHO AM I AS SELF HONESTY?
What is first coming up for me when I ask this question to myself is that I am still learning lol. I mean this concept within a practice of living and dedicating myself to it has spanned more than 9 years now, though it continues to expand and grow as I do. Self honesty has been one of the most challenging paths as well as rewarding in my life. I find this concept is actually quite simple in the understanding within the application of what is best for all meaning to live what is best for all one has to live self-honesty, though that is not really getting to the route and core of what this concept and practice actually entails cause self honesty is more then just being honest with oneself.
For me personally, I feel I have always had a connection with my potential, the best of me and seeing the best in people, though back in the beginning of my desteni i process I found that this was hidden and suppressed deep within me, i could mainly only see the worst in my self and what i was living and so the worst in others. This creating mostly outflows of limitation and abuse, which was not who i actually wanted to be, but until desteni i really had no other way of seeing myself out of it.
So self-honesty for me has been a gift and a vehicle within me of movement to be my best, it is moving within me in the sense that whatever is here i work with self honesty and that to me is the truth of who i am in those moments and what i am creating, getting real with those facts and within that making all the effort necessary to change myself to be my best self, this effort of change in seeing the worst of myself or in my addictions or in my laziness patterns, it is difficult to move, though using the tools and standing firm in my desicion to be self honest, what I have scripted for myself in my self forgiveness and self commitment statements supports me to live this through eventually. Though self honesty can also be lived when one is not living one's best, being self honest in the fact that you are struggle, not getting it, not changing as fast as one wanted, these are all points of one's self honesty at times in one's process, yet being self honest is the way to see the realizations as is and then work with the steps to start the process of change. Commitment to change is also a key in living and dedicating oneself to live self honesty in one's day to day life.
Self-honesty to me is the way to the heaven on earth, it is a solution through and through for the ills we face within us and without. It is also beautiful as it aligns with all in all ways and all can participate in it and all will get equal results if applied within oneself and in one's life, which is a changed being, a better version, and aligning to what is best for all. When all humans live this as there inner code the outflow consequences of who we are will equally change from survival and suffering to self awareness, self expansion, and creativity in our highest potential. So I see potential only in this word and the living out of self in this way, through and through, for all life as self here.
Self-honesty is always about self and I have found always steered me back to this point, self first, self here, who am I, and thus what am i going to live? These are incredible words to embody and embrace, a fantastic adventure it has been and will continue to be into the foreseeable future. Self-honesty is life and thus when life is lived in self-honesty one becomes balanced and more and more aligned to the natural order of life that has always been here, it is our best selves lived.
Monday, September 24, 2018
The word adventure for me brings me to a point of excitement and being enthralled, desiring to have an untamed and wild path into the unknown, discovering and uncovering secrets that are just waiting to be found. This is sort of how I’ve seen adventure and wanted to experience it in my life, this adventurous path being fun, entertaining, mysterious, and experiencing self-growth and realizing myself. I find when looking at the experience within me there is a desire to have this experience throughout my life, for it to continue, and find those who can come along for the ride to explore and in the best sense find ways to better life and ourselves as we enjoy and discover this path of life we are experiencing every moment.
Here is the definition of the word in the dictionary:
Adventure: an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks
Looking at the sound of the word, I see – advent sure; advantage lore;
So here I am seeing that within the definition and the sounding of the word there is a form of a path that is taken, where if one goes on this path, there is a point of an addition to one’s life able to be experienced and merged with. Adventure is the engine that starts to bring to fruition the points within self that is held as an idea or a desire and starts a path of self to discovering in reality what that idea or goal actually takes to attain and see it through.
Obviously once one goes on an adventure, a path into the unknown, there is an understanding that one does not know where it’ll lead, the specifics of what one will face, the outcomes within self and without based on what is faced, so one would need to incorporate points of adaption to the physical reality around them, willing to make sacrifices and change directions in a moment notice based on the feedback of the physical, and have a grasp on common sense solutions that will support with a progression of sorts into the desired outcome or goal one is looking to attain to see it through and actually create it for oneself.
So the equation that I am seeing within this word is the point of desire that is looking to be realized or created, an idea, a question answered, a growth experience, there is a reason and purpose to go on an adventure and within this what also is being shown within the definition of the word is a sense of walking into the unknown, which could potentially lead one into paths of danger or uncomfortability. Though I have found within the spirit of life itself and the creative process of the unlimited potentials that exist within this physical reality, one push through the fear and find ways to pursue and live life and the gifts will be received ten fold, life is adventure, life is at time risk, life is walking into the unknown, when walked within common sense, what is best for all, and a sense of innocent within the life lived in exploration, one can, in fact, live life to it's fullest and access the point of self here.
So adventure for me is a support word of self movement, aligning it to what is best for all in the pursuit of supporting all life as I would like for myself, has allowed me access to parts of myself and this existence that I could never have ever conceived of. It’s a point of passion, expansion, self discovery, entering unchartered territory, and walking into it full of capabilities to take on the challenges through taking self responsibility and finding one’s way to a solution that’ll support all, releasing fear and never giving up on one's goal to live. This is the beauty in the way of walking an adventure, you get to uncover and discover parts of yourself that has been hidden or unseen to you up until now, you get to expand into unknown parts of this world face new challenges, people, and ways of existing, and this in my experience has been a path of heartache yes at times, but untapped self discovery which brings me true joy because I finally get to the answers I am looking for, opening up new ones, and so the adventure continues.
This is the beauty of adventure one is tapping into the unending creative force of oneself continuously and realizing life is eternal and thus we are too. We are eternal beings that have been on an unending adventure discovering who we are and eventually through self forgiveness and living change in self honesty one realize oneself here and another adventure opens up, I am on the former path of self realizing myself here at the moment and it's been a fascinating adventure indeed :)
Adventure on my friends and en-joy!
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Sunday, July 22, 2018
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Sunday, July 15, 2018
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Thursday, July 12, 2018
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Saturday, July 7, 2018
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