Saturday, August 30, 2014

Living Self Courage – Day 427




Courage -  “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty”

Within recent days I have found myself investigate this word courage, and what does that mean to me. I got some perspective from another who shared that courage is never giving up, even when one fall’s down, you get back up and keep going. Here in the definition it states that courage is strength to venture, preserve, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.

Within my world, I can see and have experienced many experience that bring emotion such as fear or anxiety, and within this I have faced this decision to stand within courage or fall into the emotions as fear and anxiety, what I have found is that I have existed too much within a desire to create a back door or an easy way out, where I have disempowered myself to live courageous and live empowerment within myself. I have disempowered myself because I have not found the resolve consistently to live self courage, to live the strength to stand by myself and the tools that I realize support me to become stronger within my resolve, stronger within my skills, stronger within my stand within who I am, and for this I have to ask myself why have I done this? Why have I disempowered myself? Why have I not been courageous?

And what comes up within asking these questions is a source power within me that is still standing, that is still here, that exist within me that is remaining vigilant and ever moving to stand within this word as self courageous. But within this I realize that this is all just a form of potential, this is something that exist here that I can become if I will it, but I realize that it will not exist if I don’t create it. I have to put in the time, the effort, the consistency, the living breath to move myself and so live the word self courageous. What does this look like to live self courageous in my day to day living?

This looks like moving myself beyond my limitations and boundaries I have set and become comfortable within, the patterned behavior I exist within day in and day out, and realizing that I am doing this myself, no one else is responsible for the way I am existing and experiencing myself but me. And then within this realization not just seeing it and going into an energetic experience of despair towards the thought that I am not living to who I expect or desire to be, but letting go and moving through this emotional experience of myself as all the falls and mistakes of my past, but understand that what exist is what is here as me in the presence that is here as myself as breath in action. I am still here, I am still breathing, I still have the opportunity to change and so move beyond my limitations and live self courageous in action. I have to act on my words I speak and write, I have to act on the commitments I write and commit to, I have to move within sounding myself in the physical to a new being that exist within self honesty and self discipline in each moment, and also I have to live out self courage by facing the resistances and fears that come up that have in the past cause me to stop moving, stop my living action as myself, and so exist I continue to get lost in my mind. The mind as myself is here, it exist as me this is a fact, but I realize that I don’t have to fear it. I have been fearing it as too powerful and so within living this as a belief of myself, I have allowed myself to disempower myself to move beyond my fears. But I see and realize by living this word courage, I can move into action as within the realization that living courage is never giving up no matter what is here and moving within my resolve of facing fears, building through this myself as the living of me aligned with the words I speak, I start here with living self courage.


I will continue more in my next blog. Thanks.

Interview Support on the Blog Topic I recommend:
Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153


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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Money Fears- Being Controlled – Day 426



I am going to write on Money fears, one of my fears with money is being controlled within what I can spend my money on and what I can’t, basically having an outside party monitoring what I am doing with my money. Now that I am in an agreement with another, this money fear has come to a head and I have to walk the necessary introspection to find the solution that is here that will be best for both. I find within myself my desire is to avoid him being involved all together, and walk the money point separate. But within this, I see the divisiveness of this decision and the power structure and intimacy we can create with us walking as one unit together, walking principled and doing what is best for ourselves, and so what is best for all.

Separating things is a form of hiding as within this I don’t have to be accountable to another and so can continue to walk the same path I have been walking for my life which hasn’t led to financial stability in the way I would like, and so I see the value in walking money with another as two is stronger then one as the one plus one equation equaling two demonstrates. Within this partnership, I also am learning a whole new set of skills within money management walking with another as I have not yet considered some of the points he has and he will walk the same with me, so it’s mutually benefitting us in many different dimensions, which is what I would like for myself and so for us both. I see I can still be financially independent based on the structure of the agreement that is developed, meaning we can establish the points of what we both want in the agreement as well as being responsible and ensuring each of us is heard and considered, this decision doesn’t have to be based from fear and/or desire, but can be walked within self awareness and a commitment to find solutions that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be unaccountable within my spending so I can spend how I want with no ability to track what I buy and so create a point of secrecy within the agreement due to fear of being accountable for my actions and having to face another within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to keep a hidden record of what I buy so I only see it so I can not have to stay disciplined and so stay in self interest where I am only considering myself and my own needs and wants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having someone else be involved with my spending and money making because I don’t want to give up my freedom within doing what I want with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to give up control of the way in which I spend my money and so resist any idea of having another come into my financial situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to direct me within who I am with another in finances instead of seeing the practical path of the two of us together and doing what is best for all to find where it is we shall walk this path as we are committed to each other and so committed to the path to ensure we have financial responsibility and understanding for us both to create a path to what will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is based within my idea of independence of others, when I realize, see, and understand that there are other’s in my world who I need to consider and treat as an equal, and so I understand, see, and realize that I am not alone within myself and my world, and so need to walk the path that will support our agreement to find the best means of ensuring we are secure and so can walk the path’s necessary that we set out to do.

When and as I see I am going into a point of backchat to do my own thing and not create an agreement with my partner in terms of any point that is here to be discussed and sorted out, I stop and breath, and realize that this action of creating agreements is able to be walked within the principles of what is best for all through self will and self discipline as well as self trust to realize that what actions are needed can be walked by self and done within an a way that will support both as equals when the other is consider in this way and the information is looked at self honestly and within the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to let go of the fear of control and see the common sense and practical path that needs to be walked to support an equality with another in agreements that are required to be made for the stability and well being of all involved.

I commit myself to breath and look within myself in self honesty before I speak to ensure I have understood why I speak and stop the reactions that will come automatically.

I commit myself to write out the patterns I see come up within reaction to ensure I face the point and sort it out in writing to give myself a guideline to change in the physical.

I commit myself to do what it takes to reprogram our money living together and so for myself that will support us both to stability and what is best.


I commit myself to treat my partner (all life) as myself and put myself in his shoes before I speak as we are one and equal here always.

Interview Support On Money and Relationships:
When Money Breaks Relationships - The Soul of Money
For Love and Money - The Soul of Money
Money Agreement: Step 1 - The Soul of Money
Sharing and Reactions - The Soul of Money
Give and Receive - The Soul of Money
Your Relationship and Money - The Soul of Money


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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Osho Card Support - Ending the Cycle of Self Abuse through Doing it - Day 425





Tonight I did an osho card reading, and the overall point I took from it was that at this time I have the potential to transcend my sorrow from my past, the suffering I have created in my life, and in this here moment expand my creation process through principles into something not only better for myself, but better for the whole of this world. I obviously see the correlation as within Desteni this is our primary focus, changing ourselves from within to what is best for all to then be able to change the outer in the best way possible as we have proven to ourselves through actually living it. I often times think about how much of my life is a struggle and how much of what I struggle with feels overwhelming and out of my reach to handle. But within this I am not in fact actually facing the real problem or pushing myself enough in each moment to do what is necessary to stop the struggle and overwhelmingness because as I realize I am creating this myself and so I have to then create the solution through my own will, there is nothing or no one else that can do this for me, I have realized this, if I don't move, my process does not move and so becomes stagnant.

A lot of the times, I am not so stable within my application because I am still accepting and allowing my back chat which is the nasty speaking of myself in the back of my mind to control and have power over me, and so diminish my effectiveness in who I can really be in this life. I can easily brush aside my need for particpation and become distracted with a whole area of things that we have created to distract ourselves with in this reality. But within dismissing and distracting myself from these backchat dimensions, I am missing the opportunity within this life to create myself new, to change myself, and let go of that which is not supporting me. To substantiate myself and so my life I have to create this for myself, there is no one else but me within this physical body and I as all have equally the ability to change our patterns that are not working for what is best for all and create solutions to then so create life.

I am focusing currently on one point and this is whenever within my mind I am hearing or seeing an experience come up of judging myself in any way, I immediately breath and stop it in awareness deliberately, and move myself within the physical in full participation meaning completely aware of directing myself to stop. I am pushing this until I am satisfied that I have proven to myself that I can stop in a moment through my own directive will. I have accepted and allowed myself to get discouraged or get overwhelmed and fall into energy in the past, and so stop my active participation in my process to really substantiate myself in the decision I have made to stop my self judgment character and become aware of my actions in the physical. Theses are cyclical points that I see I am falling into at the critical moments, so I am dedicating myself here to continue walking this process of stopping and changing in the here moment, and creating myself to be self directive by walking this process creation of myself step by step and breath by breath until it is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up in the difficult moments within walking a point of stopping my mind participation such as stopping my backchat and so I realize that substantiating myself in the decision I live that is aligned with life and living this decision into the physical is how to get this done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the mind in what it is bringing up about me such as that I am less then others or greater then, and so give up in the moments where the energy becomes intense and I am feeling overwhelmed, I realize that this is the critical creation point of myself in moving beyond the mind limitation and self enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move through the resistances to continue and push myself in this process, and so I see that within this not pushing I have diminished my potential that is here in each moment, and I realize to re-substantiate this again I have to stand and push myself when I want to give up or give in, otherwise i will continue to exist as the mind cause i am not changing myself in this critical moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don’t have what it takes to move beyond my limitations and it’s just too much, when I realize, see, and understand that this process is able to be walked within a breath by breath living, no past no future, just here directing in the moment and moving myself in a process of substantiations through my living participation and building self awareness.

When and as I see I am going into a point of wanting to fall or give in to the experiences within myself, I stop and breath, and realize that these moments of extreme experiences are the crucial moments to move through and substantiate myself within because I realize I am reaching the limits to my mind consciousness system and to move beyond that will be a push because I have to create it and it's also unknown, but moving beyond limitation and the unknown resistances is who I decide to be.

I commit myself to stop my backchat in each moment I see it come up within myself through breath and physical self awareness participation of stopping.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for who I have become and what I have created, let that go, and create from a point of awareness here within an expression of equality and oneness that life is here and we only have to create it within ourselves in who we are to live it.

I commit myself to live the correction within the moments that are here to be walked by moving through resistances and facing and transcending my fears by living them and changing myself within them to understand the point and so create a new reality in self direction.


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Sunday, August 17, 2014

What was my backchat about tonight? Day 424




About Being controlled through the implications of the words being used.
Creating anger towards him based on believing this statement is true that I am being controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the back chat I created of assuming the words being used was based and implied to show control  over me and form me into someone that I am not in awareness directing as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control others and desire to control others to get what I want out of the situation and have my will be dominate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control others for my own self interest and exist within the point of not wanting to form agreements and find solutions because I want to win as I am being driven by ego and competition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within competition and so exist within self compromise because I realize I am only competing with myself and so fighting against myself as life here is all me. I must will solutions for them to be for real for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is someone who exist within an absolute knowledge of who I am and that I don’t need to or want to listen to anyone else telling me either in reaction or in real introspection who I am within what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the information based on the one giving the information as I have judged them within it and so skewed the whole point being presented instead of a learning process and an opportunity to expand myself to then go into my mind and reacting and feed energy as anger and frustration towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal that I being told what to do and given directions within being informed within it of what is happening and what is being done and so within this go into an energy of ‘f that’ and not wanting to cooperate or find solutions with others in my reality, and stop separating myself and causing abuse, and breath, look again, see what all the options are, and create a path as a solution that will support all involved as I realize, see, and understand that this option is here and I can decide to live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ego and self interest where I want to win and be right and compete with this being and not become humble and let go of these desires to fight and compete, and so miss the opportunity to create the path for peaceful resolutions that are available if I but walk it into reality and stop my mind from reacting and going into alternate realities as imagination, backchat, and projected play outs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk self forgiveness on the point and not implement the forgiveness realization within the next breaths I took and so create a passive aggression within the forgiveness I am speaking which is only diminishing myself and so creating the diminishment of my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my reality within who I have become as my living action and so create abuse rather then slowing down and finding the solutions that will support growth and intimacy with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not desire to get close to others and develop intimacy because I am afraid of being hurt and so will fight and disagree within this desire to not have to face this fear with others of being hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept fear as my reality instead of standing up within and determining myself within my own self will to stand as integrity lived and stop the emotions though embracing them and moving them through me as I see they no longer serve me, and walk the stability of being here, and the solutions that will open up as I see more of what here is as the distractions of energy as emotions has been released.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stop energy and let go of my ego because I have become safe within it and determined who I am as it, and this comfort I do not want to give up, but I realize, and see, and understand that this comfort is not real comfort as it’s only based on stagnation and abuse as separation with others as I become isolated and shut myself off from others to not have to face this discomfort that is happening when I move beyond my fear and face my reality I have created and so this comfort is actually not real because it never leads to lasting comfort as stability within self.

When and as I see I am going into my backchat and starting to critic and think about others in blame, I stop and breath, and realize that this is only going to cause the self diminishment of me and stop the process of self expansion within my reality and intimacy with others that I can create as solution process that will be opening up if I just stop energy and walk with others in humbleness.

I commit myself to stop going into backchat through breath and embracing myself as it and releasing it as I realize it is not who I am, I do not define myself as this any more, and let it go.

I commit myself to breath until I am stable and then walk self forgiveness on the points I see I wanted to blame others or compromise myself with in separation to my world.

I commit myself to let go of judgments of others as I realize this is only judging and condemning myself.


I commit myself to in all it’s forms breath and find solutions that will support life and what is best for all through humbleness process of releasing my ego through self forgiveness and breathing and self correction, and walking this correction as solutions with others in my world and reality to create a better world.

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Friday, August 15, 2014

Why Do I Resist Physical Movement? Day 423



There is a point that is here currently for me to look at, which is me resisting writing out a mind construct, and as I started this blog I initially after I typed the first couple words I had a thought to go and hug henri who is lying write next to me. So this is an interesting set of behaviors I endeavored in instead of simply typing my blog, which was my plan of action, I first before the thought of going to cuddle with henri came, I had a resistance come up to start typing.

This resistance was in the form of a feeling, so it wasn’t something that I was consciously aware of nor was it something that I can even specifically describe or pinpoint now, but through the pattern that is coming up within going to write, I feel this resistance come up usually. So it’s more a physical experience of a heaviness or not wanting to physically move my body and self to do what it is that has to be done for instance here type out my blog, and this experience was accepted very fast, without me even noticing, as I followed the next thought and picture that came up of having a nice feeling when I could cuddle with my dog henri, and so I stopped what I was originally planning on doing and went and hugged henri. Distracted and moving more into resistance to physically moving, and more into my self interest and desire to do nothing for a moment, and so missing the moment to express here.

So the mind obviously within us knows what it is doing, it not only knows, it has programmed itself in specific ways for it’s own will and so we as the beings within our body/mind relationship have programmed ourselves within ourselves through accepting and allowing the mind to move myself through my thoughts into a point of self sabotage. I am abdicating my responsibility to ensure I walk the process I have committed to walk, and so ‘wasteing’ time in essence with an imbalance through seeking more and more relaxing times then that which is time dedicated to finishing tasks. And I realize that writing a blog as well as a mind construct is something that is supportive and helps me to stabilize this imbalance and become the potential that I can see in myself, but because I have conditioned myself so much in energy, I have now shown to myself that I am too much accepting and allowing this experience of resistance and missing the opportunities here to engage in my self change to walk this process to life, time is of the essence there is none to waste.

But here I stand and I must admit that this point has taken a lot of time to sink in and at time’s I have been steadfast and consistent within myself in moving myself in the physical and other times I have not done or lived in ways that produce worth, I am too much allowing my mind to put carrots out in front of me as thoughts and taking the snap at it, but realizing that this carrot stick leads to no where, but more desire, more wants, more emotional upheaval, and so continuing to exist in the mind cycle of resisting that which is physical and living in the mind as thoughts, memories, and pictures through energetic reactions to live. I am not living while I am resisting. 

Cuddling henri is obviously not good or bad, it is the starting point in which I have chosen to do so, and in the above I have shown that it was done in a moment of accepting resistance and taking the ‘easy way out’ so to speak to gain comfort, gain a positive feeling with no effort, and so create within my living nothing of substance.

What I want for myself and so for everyone is to create that which is of substance, that which nurtures myself and so all others, and that which will create myself who to be able to direct myself in what it is that I see is best for me and so best for all, creating me as the living word that always does what is best for all. If I don’t live consistency and principled in a way that births life in the physical, then I am not creating anything of substance and becoming part of that which takes from life, takes from this physical existence, and does not sustain self and so what is here as life. This is not the life I want to create, and so in my next blog I will walk the process of self forgiveness and self correction to give myself direction in the next moments this points comes up again and walk what is substantial here in physical reality through my living. Thanks for reading.

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