Day 16 - Commitment Phobia

www.wiki.desteni.org

I realized recently that one of my major self sabotage point has been fearing commitments, whenever I get into a commitment with someone or something I do not last long, I get to a point where i put myself in a dire decision, and in the extreme nature of the decision that i have to make - go left or go right, I find i have been doing it in haste, in fear, within my mind, causing lots of regret later on in life and shame, and more fear. I am in a way feel delinquent in making a decision that is practical and can be best for all, so more a self judgment of not being good enough or capable, This I am seeing based on the manner in which i make decisions, where i can do it in the moment, spontaneous, but it is not my real spontaneous decision as everything in this reality is preprogrammed not for what is best but for enslavement. 

The moments one is real to direct self is when one self investigate, walk self honesty and self forgiveness, commit to living change of self that is of living substance that supports life growth, and in this walk what is best for all as in living the commitment of change for oneself until it's done. The decision being one that was self investigated in self honesyt, self forgiven to understand the flaws, and researched and understood in the fact checking, pros and cons, and living the understanding that is best. 

So it's a point of self change and self discipline, principled standing within the physical actions it takes to actually walk such a deep dive into self and a decision for instance that has to be made. This will require dedication and perseverance cause the mind/reality is not easy, it takes a point of grit but it's here as self responsibility and must be done. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear i am gong to make the wrong decision, i see, realize, and understand there is no wrong decision and what is here is what one create as ones thoughts, words, and deeds, thus i see, and I commit to standing in my shoes and all others and creating a decision for myself that is best for all the best i can understand by living the process to understand all facets and facts of the decision I am about to make. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self harm where i feel as if i do not have the ability or understanding to make a decision in my life that is best for all and will support life in it's fullest expression based on carrying my past here and seeing on all the rotten decisions i have made in specific moments in my life. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and not forgive myself fully for the past mistakes as actions done in the physical where i did not chose a path of best for all living, and in this create a point of self abuse and harm to see myself less then others and inferior and i can never stand as an equal.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not equal and a lesser version of life who doesn't have any real worth and doesn't really need to exist/be here cause i will just continue to make the wrong decision and harm abuse life/myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the decisions made where based on not slowing down and walking the timelines within self investigation and self commitment to understand the ins and outs and fine tune the information so i can gather the facts and make an informed decision, but based on impatience i move in a way of self compromise which causes my life to be compromised and chaotic as it's not stable nor predictable but done in the moment. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to decide that i am going to live impatience and not actually walk the step by step it takes which creates my life to be stable, but continue this, which is self abdication of responsibility to make a decision in a patient manner best one can as this is best for all and common sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed laziness within decision making where i don't slow down, but rush cause i allow the energy of it's too much pressure, it's too much to understand, i don't know, and the energy built up of these thoughts as pressure and tightness in my chest and into my head, where i feel like i have to just do it, not seeing, realizing, and understanding that i can breathe through the energy, releasing it, and finding the solutions within the slowing down and self investigation, writing/sounding self forgiveness, and change. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and complacent in my responsibility to be my highest potential this life, and in this expect too much and so built up energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become robotic and just have my mind blurt out the decision in the moment and live with the consequences of the chaos that'll ensue as i did not walk the self responsibility to under-stand what it is i am deciding on and will direct my life with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the mind in the hast decisions and so not care in the outcome but me getting a fix of energy as a release of the pressure i allowed within the thinking thoughts, and in desire relaxing instead of walking the decision properly.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire a release rather then breathing through the energy and walking self forgiveness until i release the energy and direct it myself back to the earth, substance, my physical.

I see, realize, and understand i am responsible for myself and my actions and decisions.

I commit myself to as best i am able to take some time and space to write out a decision i am going to make, research ways to walk such a decision, and put it into writing and myself into it where i find the facts, and make an informed decision best i am able to when and as the moments arise and come up to do such a point.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for not living the best decision that i could have made. 

I commit myself to live the word patience which is to pay attention to my life and the life of all involved, and what is in fact best for all.

I commit myself to understand what is best for all within the actions and decisions i make and ultimately what is best for all life and will birth life within who i am as my life which will support in my outer life/world as well. 

Next blog on - relationship commitment fears.

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Best for all life until it's done.

Day 313 - What the Hell am I doing?

So I am here on the desteni farm, and just being here for a few days, I am already seeing much support and thus much change within myself. One of the main changes I am focusing on is stopping the backchat about judging myself. I have now gone through quite a process of writing to get to this point of being ready to physically walk this change, of course, it just takes a decision and sticking to this decision in every moment of breath, but for a long while, I realized that I used my backchat to stay within my accepted and allowed limitation of trying to be seen as someone who is more then others because i judged myself as inferior. This in a subtle way, like desiring people to think I am cool, wanting to be around me, and thus obviously within myself I am creating these same expectations of others immediately causing a polarity separation with me and my environment meaning there is a conflict of interest as the interest always should be what is best for all, but with this split, I am only looking what will be best for me causing the mind fuck I have been in for now way too long.

While being here for the past few days and sitting in some interviews with the portal, which will be coming out soon, I finally asked myself, ‘really, what the hell am I doing?’ I finally am seeing the change necessary to stop this point of self sabotage, it’s been a journey because it takes education to understand what you are doing and what you are creating within you each moment you think or backchat, I found this series, The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination  extremely supportive in stopping self judgment specifically. Another supportive thing was Bernard said to me, “you are the only one creating what is going on in your head, no one else but you”, and this is so true, I am creating all sorts of assumptions and thoughts and memory imprints of moments in time, where I am using to judge myself and degrade myself as well as make myself more and better then others because of the constant cycle play out of seeing myself inferior and using others to make myself feel superior. So it’s the cycle of competition and trying to win, but in the meantime it’s having quite an effect on my self stability and how I see myself in reality because the focus is squewed, it’s never been about me and who I am within myself, how I am standing, but about what others think, how others see me or treat me, and thus only from these assumptions within myself I live my life thus creating much self compromise.

And so the backchat is always geared towards preying on the ‘weak’ around me, who I can find that is not as strong as others and then go ok, here I am ‘better’ then this one, so I can get a bit of energy to last me for a while until a new occurrence happens where I have judged myself and go back into negative energy feelings as bad, sad, you know those emotions, and then I will search for that positive energy again. So it’s like seriously, what the fuck am I doing, what kind of person am I creating within myself with these types of thought patterns, this type of nasty back chatting of abuse and scheming I am participating in, a nasty person who is completely self compromised because all this cause within me is paranoia and conflict within myself and thus in my world making me lost. I am not able really to discern and direct myself in a way that is functional and effective as I could have with my mind clear, my mind here, my mind focused on what is real and practical, but allow my mind to go haywire and all over the place with these constant comparisons and mind assumption story line patterns repeating themselves over and over again searching for positive energy in the way od self compromise and abuse to others as well as myself.

So I have started to really force breath awareness and stopping every pattern thought that comes through, all patterns of judgment or comparison in my mind seeing them as the realization that they are purely assumption and thus not something to follow, and breath through all reactions that come up of emotion or feeling, and continue what I am doing in the physical. If I do react, I note it and continue to walk by letting it go, stop focusing on it, and allow it to dissipate through time to end it’s connection to me as a memory. It is not something that has to define me I have realized, yes, I may have reacted and made a mistake or said something dumb or something like that, but I don’t have to terrorize myself, but can simply let it go and continue practicing breath, living from the physical, and moving myself in the principles I realize are true and best for all which is best for me, life is one in all walks that are here and we are equal within this fact. I simply have to continue on this process of accepting myself, letting go of the mind components of self compromise, and stick to breath, focusing on what is real as the physical and my living within it to become the most effective I can be through clearing and focusing my mind on what is real, aligning it with the physical reality equal and one to life which is in the end equal and one to me if I dare.

This the true path to freedom and total self awareness and becoming the utmost I can be because I am in the reality where this is done, here in the physical, in my mind it’s there and it’ can get very messy with the judgments, desires, backchat, emotions, feelings, so I stick to breath, stick to here as what I am doing physically, and walk the process to change self in this manner with self forgiveness and self correction in living. Also, a cool point has been developing since i started walking this and it's a self appreciation because I am really seeing me from a point of equality with my environment and thus in my body, this for the first time really within a point of self decision probably in my whole life, and it's like a weight has lifted off my back essentially because I don't have the pressure of trying to be someone or do something to show I am this or that, but simply be me and live and enjoy what is here, it's really that simple.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki
Equal Money System Website
Equal Life Foundation


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Day 275 – Redefining the Word Winner to be Lived By All

Winner

So I, a few blogs back, redefined the word loser in relation to the polarity of the different energies we can exist within our minds as a negative as a loser and a positive as a winner for instance, but what has been clear through my own self investigation and should be clear within the obviousness of how we experience ourselves within these energies, is that they never last. We are always searching for more positive energy as winning in life and less negative energy as losing in life, but there is a way to live in stability, grounding ourselves to what is here in reality, what is really being lived, and living our words in their real purpose, which means to create words in what is best for all, universal meanings and to what their practical purpose is. Again, the word winner will have to be purified within self as all words will have to as each word carries attachments with them, different meanings, memories, pictures, definitions to thus be able to really live the word for what it's purpose is, and not be directed by our self interest within the word in what purpose we want it to have.

I will now redefine this word and walk this with the word winner as I did with the word loser. Now, to ground this word I will walk it in the same context as we did with the word loser, using it as a point of defining what is the best that will be used within our society within an equal money system through a competition of many things, and thus within that competition of many different products, services, policies, ect, finding what will be best for all through what in it's purpose is the actual best for it's reason for being. The winner being the best in what it will do and how it will function in consideration of all the life that it will touch, so in all areas we are able to consider, this product will live the best of it's ability in consideration of all in equal value and honor in the oneness of life that all have within it's very existence as it's beingness.

No more will the word winner signify or represent an ego definition for self or another as more then or better then as there is no relevance in this and no need to do that, because all things in life that exist in the physical will be valued equally and thus respected as such. So what will change will be the value we place on words being equal to life, all being respected as life, and all living within this protection so to speak to exist, and thus deserve a life of dignity and reverence   Then real world order can come of that because there is no more bubble worlds all gaming to make 'me' be the winner and not consider the consequences of one's actions on the rest, but we all win as one world in order as we all live as one life, individually expressing creating always what is best for all and thus this always being best for self, a win - win for all, which is optimum.

Winner(s) in the equal money system will be for the purposes of allowing life to see what is best within what we create because what is created will be within it’s purpose alone and will be valued equal to everything else, so it will no more be abused for profit or self interest, and thus all suffering will end once and for all. There will be no need for brands or any kind of consumer competition, all will be made to last and be the best of it's kind it can possibly be made as to thus reduce waste and make the most creative product/service we can. It will be quite fascinating and interesting to walk this into reality, grounding ourselves to real life, the physical, living words, and walk the process of creating ourselves, our society, our living systems, our policies, our products, our services in the best way possible through living this simple truth as princple of doing what is best for all in all we do.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 274 – Winning – “I am Better then You” – Self Commitments to Live – Part 2

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:
Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness
Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live
Day 268 – Redefining the Word Loser
Day 269 – What Does Being a ‘Winner’ imply in this World for the Human Being?
Day 270 – Winning- Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction - Self Forgiveness
Day 271 – Winning – Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction – Self Corrections to Live

In relation to this specific Post, please reference this blog:
Day 272 – Winning – “I am Better then You” – Self Forgiveness
Day 273 – Winning– “I am Better then You” – Self Corrections to Live – Part 1

When and as I see I am using memories to fuel my backchat and actions within the physical of revenge through competition and trying to win, I stop and breath, as I realize that this fueling of the backchat and my actions within this allowing the backchat to direct me will cause abuse to others and cause a point of conflict because I am not considering the other in equality and looking for the most harmonious direction to take for myself and the other in equal consideration where both will benefit, but only within my mind as me blaming them for me losing in the past as these memories of them beating me and thus seek to gain my power back through beating them. Within this I realize it is just self-interest only seeking to boost my ego because I want attention and fear being seen in a bad light by others when I am already here as life no need to seek it from others to let me know, but live it within and as my own self expression as I am already life here.

I commit myself to let go of the energy of these memories of lose through releasing myself within the hold of revenge as I see that we are equal and there is no reason to fight back, I am here and alive and thus I have no reason for conflict, I live, I need nothing else but to live this, so thus I commit to support myself and life as best I can to let go of emotions as revenge and become humble within myself and my world as what is best for all is only a living realization that must be lived and thus conflict will end.

I commit myself to investigate why these memories are being triggered within the moment and thus stop this trigger point from directing me and reacting through self forgiveness and self commitments and thus live the point of love thy neighbor as thyself even until it is here among us for real.

I commit to breath and release revenge and emotional anger when another is not supporting what is best for al and harm me, through letting it go, and support the other in peaceful means to see what they are doing, and if they can not hear let it be and walk my process as interacting will cause more harm then good.

I commit myself to let go of my ego and walk the path of peace which is self acceptance, accepting myself and everyone here in breath as life, I walk this by moving slower becoming aware of my breath, and walk the principles in my day to day interaction with others through stopping competition through stopping my memories and thoughts of competition, and practice walking support and assistance of others to a harmonious environment for all.

When and as I see I am going into abuse in my mind or in the physical, I stop and breath, and immediately come to realization that this is unacceptable, I am not taking responsibility for myself and practicing the equality equation, I realize this will end in self compromise and abuse to the other and thus myself.

I commit myself to stop the thought patterns of anger and revenge through stopping my participation in conflict situations with others, where I see that I can let go of my wants, needs, and desires, and walk in a way that support the best outcome for all through communication with others and practical common sense to come up with ways that will support all to understanding universally.

I commit to stop my self interest in only looking at my own wants, needs, outcomes, and thus allow all to benefit and do what is necessary to support others the way I would like to be supported.

I commit myself to let go of my attachments to things, and walk in simplicity what I need practically to live and walk my process and that’s it let go of the desires for more when in self honesty I see it is wasteful and not necessary.

I commit to let go of my self interest to be seen by others as more by letting go of the desire to have power over others through putting myself in the shoes of the other and asking myself, “is this how I would want to be treated?”

I commit to walk humbleness in finding it within myself and living it within my living in all that I do through acceptance of life here as myself and all, and unconditionally support myself through not accepting separation through thoughts of my perception of reality through the eyes of memories and the mind, but what is here in the physical in the understanding that I am all that is here in fact and how can I live to support all to live this as well.

When and as I see myself go into the mind to find out who I am through energy as winning and losing, and thus live in reality within a positive or negative experience of myself based on what idea as memories and thoughts have showed to me that I am, I stop and breath, and I realize that this is not who I am, I am not defined and based by energy in my mind as emotions and feelings of good and bad feelings attached to pictures, words, ideas, beliefs, or thought patterns, but am able to direct myself here in the physical in stability in the principle of equality and oneness, and through this realization of who I am as the physical as life in all that is powerful and magnificent within this living in oneness and equality with all that live as self, live this in fact in the statement of my expression through actually living here breath by breath in taking into full consideration who I am and all that is here and walking the best I am able to by correcting myself when I see I go into energy, breathing, and supporting myself as all in unconditional support to realign this life to what is best for all.

I commit myself to let go of feelings and emotions as reactions in energy to pictures and words and thoughts streams in my head, letting go of ideas, beliefs, and opinions I have of myself and others, and remain here in my breath, practicing each and every day to become stable in my breath, aware of the life that is here as me and in everything that I see and live with in the phsyical, and walk the support that is necessary for me and life to live one and equal by slowly but surely producing this as my expression and thus the expression of this world through self correction and self sustenance.

I commit to continue to investigate and correct all points I see activate competition and the desire to be superior, and walk the correction by stopping the energy and living the correction of supporting life, step by step until I move me in my own self will and direct all points as a expression of myself.

I commit to say ‘no, I do not have to be directed by this energy’, when I see I am going into energy possession, and thus get up and move myself physically to stop the activation of this energy possession through also stopping the thoughts that fuel the energy.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


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Day 273 – Winning – “I am Better then You” – Self Corrections to Live – Part 1

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:
Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness
Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live
Day 268 – Redefining the Word Loser
Day 269 – What Does Being a ‘Winner’ imply in this World for the Human Being?
Day 270 – Winning- Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction - Self Forgiveness
Day 271 – Winning – Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction – Self Corrections to Live

In relation to this specific Post, please reference this blog:
Day 272 – Winning – “I am Better then You” – Self Forgiveness

When and as I see myself experiencing energies of self righteousness and superiority towards another based on accepting a memory stream to flow through my mind of me beating them in the past in some competition and go into a superiority stance towards them, I stop and breath, and realize that living within this mode of living from memories and thus living from these memories alone, is accepting and allowing myself to compromise my ability to live in the physical in the best I am able to as well as abuse others because I have created the experience within my mind that I am more then this person because I am accepting memories as real and justifying my experiences of superiority based in these memories I have selected as me as the winner. I realize though within this that these memories are not real, they are in my mind and thus are illusions as what is in my mind is not physical, can not be tested, cross-referenced, and verified as true, and thus I am not being self honest within the moment, but only in self interest feeding my ego in feeling better about myself by making another feel less important.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing memories to direct me within sustaining my living here, reacting to these memories as if they are real and define the physical, and thus live from the physical here in every breath, treating others how I would want to be treated.

I commit myself to stop my ego in superiority by seeing what I am doing in the moment of trying to be more and stop in that moment, finding ways and solutions where there is a common ground and that all are able to benefit equally and thus treated equally as well.

I commit myself to walk from the physical what is in reality through testing points and seeing if they are conducive for all and make sense over time, walking self honesty within my reality and stopping the mind as memories to direct me.

When and as I see that I am going into a point of superiority with another and demanding competition from them where they must prove they are better then me and when I am not satisfied I will lash out in irritation and anger, I stop and breath, as I realize that this behavior is showing the complete lack of respect for myself and integrity within myself where I have to abuse and push others to be as I am as an abusive person, to prove my ego is the strongest, and thus cause uncomfortableness with others and conflict because I want attention and the energy of feeling more important and thus go as far as pushing others and myself to prove it by creating more and more competition and thus I can gain more and more energy, which is I realize abusing life for my self interest, unacceptable as I would not want to be treated in this abusive and degrading way.

I commit myself to stop and breath and do not accept myself to go into points of competition and proving to be more, this through letting go of the energy, breathing through it and saying no I will not accept this competition any longer.

I commit to see all in this world and in my world in there shoes, communicating with them and coming to common ground, and so stop the point of being more by accepting me, getting to know and understand how my mind works, and continue to walk the correction process in self honesty to correct my living to always consider others as equal and do what is best for all.

I commit to accept myself each and every time I see I am going into comparison and competition, by saying no I don’t accept me in competition, and embrace that part of me I am trying to beat. Open it up in writing and see why I am not aligned with it, what am I not accepting of myself, and so direct it into alignment with what is best for all through self forgiveness and self commitment statements.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


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Day 272 – Winning – “I am Better then You” – Self Forgiveness

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:
Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness
Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live
Day 268 – Redefining the Word Loser

In relation to this specific Post, please reference these blogs:
Day 269 – What Does Being a ‘Winner’ imply in this World for the Human Being?
Day 270 – Winning- Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction - Self Forgiveness
Day 271 – Winning – Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction – Self Corrections to Live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the thought within my mind as memories of times when I beat a specific person in competition and thus hold onto these memories as a justifiable stream of evidence that I indeed am better then this other and thus within this justification through memories, create myself in relationship with this other in superiority, where I will create a point of arrogance towards them expecting them to live up to me and my memories of competition or continue to be seen as less then me because I am creating this experience within me of being more because I hold onto memories of me apparently winning, which is not real because it’s in my mind and thus easily can be distorted from what in reality actually happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue existing within memories as I bring them here within talking to another I know I have beat in competition in the past and thus treat them in my speak and mannerisms in superiority, seeing within myself that they deserve this treatment because I won, I am better, and thus I deserve to live as the superior one because I beat them and they lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept memories as real when I realize they are not real as it is not here in the physical and use the memories in self interest where I will gain feelings of superiority based on defining myself through the actions that took place as winning in a competition, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an arrogance and self righteousness towards the other based on believing myself to be better then this person because I have defined myself more to them based on beating them and that I am referencing to validate this definition of myself through the memories I have brought up of me winning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by what has happened in the past and hold onto it and use the memories as a validation of who I am as more then others when in reality I am showing how self interested I am and abusive by treating another life being as less then me when me in the physical is equal and one to the other and thus competition in the seeking of gaining definition of importance and superiority to another is not acceptable and cause abuse as separation and conflict as I use these memories only for energy for myself to feel more, superior, and better then this other which makes me feel important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the energy as superior and better to others in beating them in defining who I am as more because I desire to feel important and be seen as this by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out this superiority in my world by treating others less then me through yelling at them and not allowing them to walk any process with me in their own self expression, but I demand them to prove that they are the winner and thus always exist within competition as comparison and polarity as better/worse when we interact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the opposite polarity where I will suppress the memories of me losing to not have to face that within myself as I have now only defined my self importance or self worth through winning, and so when I do allow memories of losing I accumulate the energy of anger because I see I am not good enough and thus this fuels the competition I participate in and so become extremely competitive with others in becoming physical at times and abusive verbally and mentally at times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame those I compete against for me becoming a loser and feeling bad and stifled within myself, and thus use this blame to get even through competition and when I win rub it in the others face to make sure I gain attention and recognition for this win, and I see as more then others which makes me feel important within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my own participation in competition and self righteousness allowing and accepting myself to abuse others mentally, verbally, and physically based on holding onto memories of lose and not dealing with them in self honesty, but suppress them until I bring the anger here that is involved within this memory of lose to fuel me to be aggressive and win in my competition towards them always resulting in abuse as I am existing within separation as you vs me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aggressive and in the point of you vs me and so doing whatever I can to win, where I will name call or abuse in my mind and at times physically when I was younger to win and so I can be seen as more and better then the others and thus gain that self importance which makes me feel worthy again within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others and only exist within competition based on defining myself by what others see of me and how I live in the physical compared to others instead of accepting myself and living in unison with others in equality and what is best for everyone where all ultimately can benefit equally as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept abuse within words, thought, and deed towards others within myself in the belief that I am better but realizing this is only ego and hiding the fact that I don’t actually accept myself and see myself as worthy, but live from the mind as ego to make myself feel better because within myself I feel inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me not standing up for myself and living within principles of what is best and equality to stop the cycle of polarity living in energy of inferior/superior or better/worse, and thus create separation with others because I am searching for myself, my expression through the external as competition but will always be unstable and unequal with others because I am only seeing myself in energy as highs and lows through win and lose and thus I will never be stable because energy will exist in this way to balance itself and never last as an expression of me because it’s not real it’s based in the mind as thoughts that construct this idea of myself as the ‘winner’ when in reality, I am not accepting myself and thus in separation with life as who I really am.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


Photo Source

Day 271 – Winning – Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction – Self Corrections to Live

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:
Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness
Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live
Day 268 – Redefining the Word Loser

In relation to this specific Post, please reference this blog:
Day 269 – What Does Being a ‘Winner’ imply in this World for the Human Being?
Day 270 – Winning- Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction - Self Forgiveness

When and as I see myself going into an experience of self satisfaction when I have participated in competition and won, I stop and breath, and realize that this is not real self satisfaction, but self compromise as I am separating myself from the others within the environment I am living in and thus seeing myself more based on the action of beating someone, when this is showing my ignorance to who I am as life as one and equal with all the other life forms that live with me as I am only in my mind in my self interest to feel better about myself through generating energy through my mind as feeling important because I am the winner.

I commit myself to stop and do not participate within the action of competition if I see what I am doing is to gain energy and define myself by this energy as I see when I am not within the starting point of equality, I will separate myself into this point of desire alone and not consider the others I am effecting within my actions as competing and trying to be the best.

I commit myself to not participate in the energy of desire when I see that the opportunity has arise to win, and thus not go into the action of attempting to win as I see that it is only due to gaining this energy as good feelings if I possibly win and thus cause separation and conflict with others based on the separation I am causing in only looking out for my self interest and trying to be better.

I commit myself to stop the projection in my mind of what it will be like to win and gain the good feelings and attention if I do win.

I commit myself to stop the desire to win by participating in sports within the physical, being aware of my body, and moving it as the sport actions stopping my participation and thus interest in winning alone as it’s irrelevant when it’s only for my own gain.

When and as I see that I am going into a self judgment of lack and thus seek to fulfill this through winning in something to gain good feelings to make myself feel better, I stop and breath, and I realize that this polarity of lack/fulfillment through feelings within competing and winning over others is self sabotage as this will never give me real fulfillment as it’s based on energy and energy always run out thus my self fulfillment is not real as it will end which is the reverse of the standing as self fulfillment for real I realize.

I commit myself to stop existing within myself as self judgment through accepting these parts of myself that I see I lack in through writing and coming to a decision in living that will help support this living for real as self acceptance as a commitment to live the best I can for myself and all that I effect.

I commit myself to stop separating myself from life here through existing through self judgment and thus comparison by saying ‘no, I don’t accept this judgment of myself or comparison of others any longer’ and speaking ‘ I accept my hair, I accept my face, I accept the other as me, ect’ to sound who I am within my living and stop continuing in the thought pattern in my mind.

 
I commit myself to stop looking for others to tell me who I am and thus push my own self expression, writing, being with me, and exploring who I am within moments and accept what I see and change that which is not best to the best I can be, I commit to live these principles in all I do.

When and as I go into a point of self compromise through existing in desire to be a perfect picture and thus use competition to see it to fruition through winning, but always existing within polarity of win/lose, high/low, never stable, I stop and breath, and I realize that this desire to be perfect has got to be let go of as it’s not real only in my mind, I realize I have to exist in the physical here in breath and move according to physical considerations and realities, which can not be a picture in my mind as perfection because I realize perfection has to be lived as me to be real as me.

I commit myself to walk through this desire of stopping perfection within myself and move myself in the physical in physically perfecting skills or studies I am working with and continue this in all I do, perfecting my self expression as free, my discipline, my acceptance of all and me, ect by working with the small and moving, as I go, to the bigger points until I am here and walking the best I am able to as a physical being in my living.

I commit to walk in the physical breath by breath and continue to let go of thoughts of desire to be better and compete, and I commit to not participate in competition if the starting point is this desire to prove I am better and to be a winner over others as feelings of self satisfaction within self as ego in self interest.

I commit to stop my desire to win to show off for others and walk with others in endeavors that will benefit all and all will win.

I commit to stop my self interest and realign to be in the interest of all in what is best for all.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
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