Day 285 – Self Judgment – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Corrections to Live Part 2

Please reference these blogs for further perspective:
Day 281 – Self Judgment – The Point I don’t Want to Face
Day 282 – Self Judgment – Fueling the Imprisonment of Self as the Mind
Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye
Day 284 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Commitments to Live – Part 1

When and as I see myself go into a form of resentfulness towards others based on the way of my judgment towards myself as abnormal and them looking normal, I stop and breath, and realize that this is due to my own insecurities and inferiorizing myself based on features of my face that I have defined less then others. I realize this is only going to cause me to live in this cycle of polarities as positive and negative never being stable and thus abusing others based on this resentment I hold.

I commit myself to stop and breath and find why I am going into this point of resentfulness, so then I can realize how to stop it.

I commit myself to stop this point of judgment in polarities to others as good and bad, and learn to accept myself by seeing me equal as life not based on pictures.

I commit myself to stop defining myself by the individual flaws I see in myself and realize I am a physical body and accept myself in wholeness.

I commit to let go of the idea that I am flawed and realize this is my physical form and is keeping me alive.

When and as I see I go into comparison and start separating myself from others do to my mind thoughts of judgment based on this comparison, I stop and breath, and realize that this is going to end in me becoming abusive to myself and others through spite, and so I realize I must stop continuing to exist in comparison as it cause this separation within me and my world due to points that can not be changed.

I commit myself to stop and not accept myself to go into comparison by becoming aware of it and not accepting it to continue.

I commit myself to stop and not go into any point of resentment towards others if I see that I am starting this path of comparison through breathing and using my self will to not participate in this point of judgment and comparison in my world.

I commit to walk the acceptance of my physical and all physicals here by walking the process of correction through self-forgiveness and self commitments until I am here and do not go into judgment but stand in my decision to stop.

When and as I go into definitions of what is normal and what is not and thus start to define society in these terms, I stop and breath, and realize that I am being possessed by the mind within judgment as I am accepting judgment within and as me, I realize that to stop this pattern I must stop existing in this polarity.

I commit to walk all points where I see I go into judgment investigate it, correct it, and direct it into correction when I walk to that point again.

I commit to not accept myself to walk in to judgment and judge my world around me, and thus embrace others as me and grow in understanding of all walks of life that is here in their individuality but always living one and equal with all life.

I commit to walk the path of honoring all life as me in the physical and become in unison with it through acceptance and direction into what is best as I walk this within and as my own physical.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

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Day 284 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Commitments to Live – Part 1

Please reference these blogs for further perspective:
Day 281 – Self Judgment – The Point I don’t Want to Face
Day 282 – Self Judgment – Fueling the Imprisonment of Self as the Mind
Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye

When and as I go into a thought of judgment towards my eye and thus make myself inferior or superior to others in my world, I stop and breath, and realize this is a cycle of entrapment as I am being directed by themind within energy activation and addiction, and thus not self directed within walking the principles of my beingness as life in equality and oneness and what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts within breath movement and physical movement until I am stable within myself and am not moved by any thought of judgment of my eye.

I commit myself to walk the acceptance of myself as my eye in focusing on the physical as what it is and how it supports me to see the physical world and how I am life as the physical world within my physical beingness as all of life that is here on this earth.

I commit myself to make strong my eye of the physical in seeing what is really here through breath and thru considering all the life that is here.

I commit to stop the backchat by when it comes breathing and saying no stop, no stop until it is no longer here.

When and as I go into a point of blame towards my eye in seeing it as the problem of why my self interestdesires of being popular and getting attention is not fulfilled, I stop and breath, and realize that I amabdicating the responsibility of myself to life in stopping my self interest to be more then others, breath, and bring myself back to reality through breath and the realization that I am equal and one with the life within all and this polarity desire has got to be transcended.

I commit myself to breath and not accept myself to blame any being outside myself for what it is that I am participating in.

I commit myself to flag this point when I go into to blame and breath through it and not follow it and if I do investigate and see where it is I am abdicating my own responsibility.

I commit myself to stop separating myself into desires, let go of the desires, as I focus and push in my livingequality as I see this is best for all in the end and what is real and will last.

I commit to when I start hiding pieces of myself investigate and write about this, and walk the correction ofacceptance of all of me and stop this point of judgment as it is not real.

When and as I see myself go into a comparison and desire to be seen and liked by those that are normal and thus form a jealousy towards these people because I saw myself as not normal, I stop and breath, and realize what I am doing within this act of comparison and jealousy, I am separating me and life into categories and definitions that are not real but made up in my mind so I can gain something over others in self interest which is not the way to life but death, and I realize that death is the lost of life and really unfortunate as I have wasted my opportunity of full expression of life here within myself and within all, the greatest shame one can manifest as self.

I commit myself to when I see I go into comparison stop and not accept this point, move myself into awareness through realizing my breath and what I am doing here in the physical, and not participate until I can move myself into correction without question.

I commit to move through this comparison point and thus let go of jealousy as I walk the correction of accepting others as myself, when I am with others breath and move to correction by approaching those I resist and finding the equality within the situation and come to resolution.

I commit to come to resolution with those I resist and push the awareness of breath as life as equality among all that walk this earth through pushing it within myself, letting go of the thoughts that separate within myself by not participating.

I commit to let go of the judgment as normal and not normal as this is not the way of life, I breath, and walk the equality as myself in acceptance as I accept myself I will accept all others as self as my principles that I live as one and equal.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye

Please reference these blogs for further perspective:
Day 281 – Self Judgment – The Point I don’t Want to Face
Day 282 – Self Judgment – Fueling the Imprisonment of Self as the Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical eye.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of ‘my eye is so ugly, why does it have to look like this’ direct me into feeling less then others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my eye looks to me as flawed and ugly, and thus allow a feeling of sadness come over me because I realized that this means that I am not going to be able to be the prettiest girl and get all the attention I desired from others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my eye for me not being able to be the prettiest girl within my environment and thus see my eye as the problem for losing out on this opportunity to get the most attention as being the prettiest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and hide my eye within makeup and the way I stood to not have people notice this flaw in my eye because I was afraid they would judge me as how I have judged myself as ugly and not normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others thinking that I was not pretty and thusfear not having friends in my world and the attention that I wanted as being popular, desired, and liked by all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my eye that I saw as not normal in pictures by only having my ‘good’ side show because of fear of people seeing the real way I look, and not wanting to have anything to do with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fix my eye and make it look like everyone else's eye because I judged it as not normal and thus not acceptable because I had no chance of getting what I wanted, to be desired and given attention by everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am flawed, and thus become jealousof all others who I saw as normal or had symmetrical looking faces and thus had no notice of imperfections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and thus judge those with flaws as abnormal and as less then important then those that where normal looking because of my belief of what I can get by being normal looking as my desires would be met, and thus only looked for how I could be this in my world ‘normal’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous of others and their physical features, and thus become rude and angry at them within myself because I resented the fact that I couldn’t have this, I couldn’t be looking normal because I judged my face as abnormal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become resentful of those I compared myself to and saw as better looking then me, and thus imagined what my life would be like, basically better, if I looked like that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and thus become spiteful towards others based on our physical features and designs, and thus desire to be like them and dislike myself even more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine what my life would be like if my eye were just normal looking and thus become resentful towards it for my eye not being normal looking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that my eye is not normal and thus I must be flawed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that those who are not perfect within their look are not the best in society and thus can’t reach their desires in life, which is thus a life wasted and unfulfilled, which I feared greatly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within desire for the perfect look and living in spite and anger towards others because I didn’t have this within my idea of myself and how I saw myself based on judging me as not normal looking and that there was nothing I could do to change this outcome, which caused my resentment towards those that were normal looking become more and more over the years of holding this desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create separation as polarity with myself and life that is here as normal eyes and abnormal eyes, and separate myself from the physical living of being able to see life and the privilege this is within being alive by seeing the eyes in separation to myself as this polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my eyes and my physical body for granted and impose beliefs and ideas on to them that are not real, and energy reactions that harm the physical as anger, jealousy, and resentment based on my own desires for self perfection to gain my self interest in being likedand gaining attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish and not consider the life I am effecting as my physical body, and I forgive myself that I have not seen, realize, nor understood the reality of what it takes to see out of my eyes and live here in this physical existence on earth as a physical human body and a physical eye seeing.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 282 – Self Judgment – Fueling the Imprisonment of Self as the Mind

So the point I am looking at here within this point of self-judgment is when I see someone rub there eyes around me or go and touch their eyes. You may be like what the heck, why does that bother me when someone touches there eyes, and for me there is like a mile long of emotions, memories, and thought patterns that are being activated at times during this point of people rubbing there eyes around me. I mean this seems very unusual and like not important, but this point has been very tough to transcend because of me accepting and allowing my mind to define me within the perception, interpretation, and definitions of who I believed myself to be as what my mind was saying to me specifically within this case when people would rub their eyes around me.

Now my mind is me because of the way I have participated in it, designed it within how I interpreted and kept that which I believed to be me as a definition I would hold of myself and use over and over again in my living, and thus created my external world according to what I was telling myself as my mind in thoughts, pictures, imaginations, and backchats. This is what I have been creating within myself over the years taking bits and pieces of my external environment, moments in time, specific looks, celebrity looks, past memories of abuse, (ect) and carrying this with me like a heavy bag on my back bringing it here to make me feel bad about myself and lock me into the same depression cycle that comes up every time I have this point of someone rubbing there eyes. It’s like this physical point of suppression and depression I exist as within this playout, and it’s based in these memories of being called a retard in school and believing that this point of my eye is a point that makes me this way and why people were calling me this. I believed I was what others were saying to me because of this belief about myself, and thus I put myself as vulnerable to this abuse, attack, and humiliation because I believe I deserved this and this is who I am inferior to others, I accepted and allowed this of myself as within myself I always inherently believed I was less then others. (This is how I saw myself and judged this word 'retard' during this time I am writing about now, I will in blogs to come redefine and look at the attachments I hold to this word, and walk a point of correction once and for all to stop my judgments and separations towards this word and thus those in this world that have to live in this way.)

So this imprisonment feeling I am describing here really started back in school when kids would call me this, and I realized that my eye on the left side is misshaped or not completely symmetrical with my other eye, which created the reason for me being called this and thus this was something that was true then I reasoned. And when these certain people called me retard, I immediately connected this to the shape of my eye and how it is messed up, and so I believed that they were making fun of me based on this point with my eye. So I grew this great resistance to this specific eye and would be very much focused on it within interactions with others in public, and in my mind the thoughts would race, ‘do they think I am ugly?’, ‘do they think I look retarded’, ‘do they see me as inferior to them?’ ‘they are so much more confident and better looking, I am inferior’, so thoughts like this, making myself completely disempowered within my mind because I am only focusing on what my mind is telling me about this point rather then the physical interaction, what is being said, who we are as life, and so I eventually grew to a point where I could barely talk to others in public because I started to see this rubbing of the eyes everywhere I went.

This rubbing of the eyes was a reaction to seeing my face at times because of the way my eye is shaped for others, it is what it is really, but I have accepted this now and realize the insignificance to this or rather the reality of it, but to get to this point of where I am now with accepting it as a reality of myself and that it does in no way define me is miles away from where I was in the past. It was really a decision and a decision I continually have to walk for myself in each breath as at that time I never believed I could move beyond this point.

Because it was a point of a creation of a prison within myself, what I have created as this perception of myself and it was being held in place and thus I was being imprisoned within it through the self judgment I constantly was participating in within myself every day I was living. I was seeing myself through my mind and through the external world of how my mind perceived things. This was the point of enslavement because I was giving my power away to the mind, I was allowing the mind as myself to direct me and tell me who I am, and within this the mind consciousness system used this against myself because the mind is aware and is trying to survive just like me, it’s survives through me as my energy production, so it’s interest is energy not life as me in support. So it’s been quite a road with this point of inferiority and it was continued and fueled over many years through my acceptance and participation of self-judgment. I will walk the more specific points of how I created this imprisonment within my mind and the points where I haven't faced yet due to fear in blogs to come with self forgiveness and self commitments.

Thanks for reading.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 281 – Self Judgment – The Point I don’t Want to Face

So within the past year I have been specifically working with and walking through multiple points and dimensions of self judgment that I have created in relationship to myself, my physical body, and my interactions with others. I had created a possession point within myself with self judgment where I became isolated and could hardly face people because of what was going on within my mind. I have since realized and understood within my investigation of myself as self judgment and great support from desteni sources, that self judgment is my own creation, I am doing this to myself as I am keeping it alive in essence within myself, my thoughts, my backchats, my memories, and thus my living actions. I have found it is based on a point of not wanting to give up my image of control within the image I present as someone who is superior to others. I have always desired to be superior and thus gain power through becoming this image that is presented as superior that I have created in my mind.

This image is created through pictures, media, consumerism, people, past moments, characters I liked, and I use this archive of knowledge and information not only to design me as superior, but also to the design as inferior. I have now defined a specific image and design of what is superior, and now I must live up to that or else I am inferior. So this creating the perfect play out for me to exist within self judgment fueled by comparison in trying to be an image that can not be reached in my mind as superior because it is not real, and thus I torture myself with the play out of self judgment because of me seeing through the mind in self interest and not what is real as the physical as me.

So my image, what I present to others was very important to me and had to be perfect, otherwise I lose my opportunity for what I truly desire and craved, and this attention and admiration from others, this obviously boosted my ego and feeling about myself as superior. So within my mind I had created quite the perfected image and design I had to live up to, and when this design and image was faced in reality, I fell very hard. I will walk this point of a playout that lasted for many years, and open it up and release it within me so I can befree of it, this the point I haven’t wanted to face.

So in my next blog I will start at the pits of this hellish experience I was starting to live out within self judgment that I blamed on others, but realizing now it was all me.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

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Day 108 – Anger at Myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with myself when I give into the mind as getting a quick fix within an energy rush, and compromise myself standing by giving into the mind as energy. I realize and understand that when I give into the mind, it’s a point to walk through in writing and self correction, and stop the anger as the anger is just furthering me into the mind and separating myself from the solution as myself through the writing and self forgiveness and living the change as becoming equal with myself and stopping the reactions such as anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of taking the practical point of realizing that I am going into a pattern, and thus stopping the pattern through self application, I use anger as a point of release and within this react to others in anger or blame based on what I didn’t take responsibility for myself, to stop the reactions and walk the correction in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put expectations on myself where in I am expecting an outcome, and thus when I don’t fulfill this expected desired outcome I go into anger at myself. This I realize is not being practical or self honest as I cannot expect a certain outcome to manifest as the future is not predictable and thus I am here, and I work with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself within self discipline in making sure that I do not submit to feelings and emotions as I know where this is going to lead, into self compromise and unnecessary blame towards another, so thus to correct this point I become more self disciplined and walk the correction I walk in writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself a chance to walk through points and correct them in due time, and always expect myself to be perfect each and every time, where in this expectation is absolutely not realistic, which will always cause me to fall and accept the anger that follows at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at myself when I don’t reach an expectation I set for myself, and within this, not being self honest where in I realize obviously that the expectation is not able to be met ever, as I am not self perfected in my living, so I can’t expect myself to be this at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect perfection when I have not lived self perfection yet, and thus realize it can’t be an expectation but a living in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live into expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at something that is in my mind, and thus react in anger to a point that is unattainable, sabotaging myself and my process because I am in ego with trying to be perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be within the ego in where I am trying to be perfect for others, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use anger as a coping mechanism to not have to face the fact that I am not taking responsibility for myself and how I am behaving to stop the unrealistic mind illusionary points as I can just be perfect, when I realize I haven’t walked perfection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that I am perfect in my mind, and thus live up to that, instead of standing here in reality and living self perfection for real in each breath, the first step I can walk is stopping the anger towards myself for not being perfect.

When and as I go into a point of anger towards myself for a point of giving in to desire or a point of desiring perfection and not meeting this point, I stop and breath, and realize that I can only live self perfection within actually living it and walking the perfection in each moment I am here by pushing self discipline and self honesty, when and as I do fall, I pick myself back up, continue to walk, and re-walk the point through writing and self application. Also, I stop the anger towards myself as this is not beneficial and only cause separation within me, I realize I have to walk through the points within stability and self acceptance as I am in a process and it will take time to walk through points that have taken equally as long to be created. So I realize it will take time to walk the self perfection of myself in my living, and that anger is not necessary and actually self abusive, so I stop.

I commit myself to stop the point of anger towards myself when I give in to a point of temptation, realizing that I have to walk the point again with more diligence and self investigation to see what it is I am still enslaved by, and push myself to not let myself fall by simply walking through it in stability and self discipline.

I commit myself to stop using anger as a point of release, and also to stop the blame onto others, when I fall or give into temptation, but breath and remain stable.

I commit myself to stop giving into temptations and walk the points through until they are done, and I stand.

I commit myself to stop the expectation of me to be perfect, and thus stop the point of anger when I don’t match my expectation. Thus I commit to stop expectation.

I commit myself to stop the ego as desires of being perfect as an idea in my head, and thus walk with the process here to self perfection in living to be the best being I can be and thus we create a world in the best way we can live by actually practically living it as ourselves. 

Interviews for Support with Anger:

Life Review - My Life with Anger

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 38- My Face to Face

Judging my face/eyes based on the past and based on the desire to be beautiful, which has caused massive separation and turmoil within me over the years because I am holding onto this idea that I am and can be the most beautiful as within I see a ugly being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my face.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare my face to other faces in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create the idea within my mind that my face has to be beautiful and thus go into comparison with others to see if I am beautiful or not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others based on an idea that some are more then others within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the polarity of myself that I am more/less then other (me's)within what is here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes as messed up due to them not being symmetrically perfect and thus go into judgment of myself because I am not perfect symmetrically.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes due to the past of others judging them and making fun of them thus judging my face/eyes in a negative charge due to holding on to the belief that I am ugly.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame god/someone else for making me this way, when I have created and defined myself by myself and thus I have created the misery within all that I live by my self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame a god/someone else for the way I am experiencing myself as less then when I realize and see it is I myself who have defined myself as less then and judged myself in this way by allowing comparison and competition to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow comparison and competition to direct me when I realize this is not real as all that exist here is myself so thus I am comparing me to me and only competing with myself within illusions that I have made up like there are some who are better and some who are not so good = not real an illusion based on ego and my self interest to be special because I am not accepting me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes/face based on memories of the past and hold onto them here within life and thus go into a point of self judgment when around others if their is any motion to their eyes where I will see my eyes as the problem and go into inferiority because I fear that the other is judging me in there head and thus I fear being seen as less then them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to assume that someone else is judging me in their head based on my idea and belief that the motion made was in relation to me and thus make the whole point about me and how I am feeling/being treated/ being accepted instead standing in the physical equal and one and stopping the judgment, comparison, competition within myself to everyone I met. I realize I must stop the separation within me for it to stop within my world as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being seen less then another because I am in competition and comparison to everyone here within the desire to be more and be the best and thus when I go into a possession point of seeing others as judging me I will go into inferiority and limit myself due to fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge others actions as a personal attack onto me when I realize and see it is me who is creating this idea that I am being judge when the real truth is that I am the one judging myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my physical body and thus exist within this desire to be beautiful when I realize real beauty does not exist here, our physicals are our life source here and thus what gives me life here, why do I judge it and compare to other physicals because I desire to be more and be seen as special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be seen as more and special among beings I desire to like me or see me in a certain way because I want a relationship with them and thus I believe me being me will not be enough to impress them so thus I am judging myself and not seeing myself as good enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to impress others based on the way I look because I don't see them liking me any other way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sabotage myself to such an extent where I don't even feel the ability to be able to be liked by another within and as just being me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself through this point of self judgment and the judgment of life here I have created myself in such a way to only be living based on polarities and ego where I am not actually living among life here but only competing, comparing, and diminishing others to be on top because I am not accepting myself and seeing myself as worthy equal and one to all because I am not living this.

To be continued.....

When and as this point comes up where I desire to go into self judgment, comparison, competition about my face/eyes or physical in any way, I stop, breath, move my physical body, and stop the participation in the thoughts or ideas of judgment. I stop judgment of all life here as myself and thus focus on my self application, my living in and as walking self perfection, and stop the focus on how others are seeing me and who I am being here among others, but live and be physical.

I commit to stopping self judgement and the judgment of all beings here through breathing through the desires, wants, and needs and focusing on my physical one and equal with all here as we all are physical and that's it.

I commit to stop comparison to others and see life as me, putting myself in their shoes, and stopping my desire to be more.

I commit to stop trying to impress others and just live the acceptance of myself through living myself here in what I am doing, and only focus on self application of mySELF.

I commit to stop competition and the desire to be more/win as I am only competing with me and I thus will myself to live one and equal with all as I would want for myself in acceptance and real love.



self judgemnet, comparision, ugly, beauty, beautiful girls, sexy, perfect body, self abuse, self hatred, equality, equal life, eqafe, journey to life, desteni, 2012,

Day 29- I Hate You

Looking at the point of rage and this energy I exist within towards others in my world as hate, and what within myself I am accepting and allowing to not actually face within me and my living, but blaming and thus projecting into another is what I will be walking in this blog. Hate is the opposite of love and thus it's a cyclical polarity cycle that is existing within me that I see I participate in based on my self interest and not getting what I want.

I am owed money from someone and she is stalling to not have to give it to me by saying she does not have it, here, within myself I go into assumptions and thoughts of diminishment towards her based on my knowledge and past assessments of what she has and what I know of that she pays for. Thus within this abusive energy as 'hate' that I 'feel' towards another being, I realize that I use the thoughts of assumptions I have created and base my living with this person on to use it against her and creating war as hate to get what I want achieved. This only furthering the hell that is here as this world, as this is the hell that is existing within me, fighting and conflicting with myself because I desire something that is impossible to have because I am missing myself within it, I am missing me. These energies being fueled by anger from the thoughts that I am not getting what I want, which is the money and thus go into superiority to thus diminish her and force her to give me what I want, the money = the energy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into superiority towards the other in an attempt to put fear in the other so I have an easier time getting what I want.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the other due to trying to be more powerful and get an ego boost from winning through my force.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to try and dominate another through my desire to be seen as the best and most powerful, and thus use anger and hate as a fuel to create the energy needed to be more powerful all the while abusing the other and diminishing myself as an abuser to life = myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as thoughts of separation towards another being be more powerful and force them to give me what I want, energy = money.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give more value to money and my desires then giving her the freedom to give me the money when she has it instead of going into ego as anger and hate and create a build up of energy through participating in the back chat that she is selfish and doesn't consider anyone else but herself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the other and define myself within and as energy as rage to then go into a point of hate as back chat thoughts of diminishment towards the other and live this out by speaking loudly and trying to diminish the other through my spoken words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into energy as rage and thus speak in a loud voice to try and diminish the other through fear so I can get what I want out of the situation even to the suffering of another that I have caused deliberately.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to deliberately cause suffering and pain to another based on holding onto this point of ego as desires to get what I want and thus when I don't, no matter what the case my be, I go into blame towards the other and desire to get revenge on them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into revenge where I am deliberately trying to cause the abuse to the other in an attempt to release this now accumulated energy of built up frustration and anger that I have created through the back chat of assumptions and thoughts that she is to blame, and thus cause deliberate abuse to myself as her and separate and diminish myself as I am the other that I am abusing.

I forgive myself that I haven't yet accepted and allowed myself to live among all here within stopping desires and giving to others as I would want to receive, and thus within this I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to give to another without the desire to receive something in return and thus when I do not get my due I go into anger and rage because I fear that I have lost something.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear lose when I realize and understand all that is here is me and thus I can never be lost as I am here one and equal with all, only fear as lost can exist in the mind as a made up illusion I am allowing to direct me as I believe it to be real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within a world where one have to fear the lose of something as I have created a separation among myself where I have separated myself with myself and thus have veiled myself to myself through this illusion that I can be lost not realizing in this that I have always been right here, in the flesh as the physical as breath as all as one as equal, and in essence as life can never be lost, it's not real it's all in my mind being created through energy as feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within a point of mind as energy through defining myself by feelings, emotions, thoughts, and thus reacting to others in separation by following these points as if they are who I am and thus miss myself here within the other and abuse life in this process and thus abuse myself as life into self diminishment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place money and material things within a possession point of ownership where I desire to keep a hold of all my things and keep note of what is owed as I desire to have what is mine here and given back if I share it to another.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to give the gift of life here unconditionally and realize those who do not give are here as me and thus require examples to see what this entail and what this brings about as the giving up self as all to all here within equality instead of conflict is true freedom and true self expression as you are giving to your self the freedom of life to live and be here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not give myself unconditionally to all in the realization that when I give all to all here equally I will receive equal and one this giving as the equality of all in the oneness of ourselves as life is all encompassing and thus I will want for nothing because all will be here as me to enjoy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be blinded by rage in deliberate knowledge of what I was creating as abuse but based on the release of energy that was now built up due to the anger and rage feeling I created through the hate that I experienced towards the other and thus accumulated the consequence of separation which little by little diminishes me as a being of life to the mind as energy where eventually I will cease to exist as the mind as me will end.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away to the mind based on accepting and allowing to exist within the polarity of love/hate and thus create myself from these energy outflows as anger and rage, and happiness and excitement, which are not real as they don't last and thus only create the cycles of the up and down polarity poles that this will create in my world and I see as I participate in it with the unsettledness and abuse I create when I exist and continue to direct myself from this starting point with others as mind as relationships of energy attachments rather then standing here within and as life in equality finding solutions and considering the other as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to engage in the emotions of anger and rage and the experience of hate that I am allowing to direct me towards others in my world as my desires weren't met and thus creating the selfishness within and as myself that I am projecting onto the other based on greed and impatiences.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed by desires as greed and impatiences to thus separate myself from others in what is here as what is physically practical fact within the matter that is real as physical and thus direct myself in decency with the other to consider their situation and their circumstance and come to solutions that is able to be lived and agreed by both to thus get the money issue resolved and have their be a solution that is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow the mind as ego as energy addictions to direct me into abusing others for my own self interest pleasure of releasing energy and gaining energy through the relationship connections that are built and thus participated in to attain what I want and thus feed off these relationships in both negative and positive poles to gain my energy as my self interest so I can be happy again and get my needs met.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within energy relationships as mind illusions within my world where I abuse life and separate myself here form physical substance as who I am and as who all are here in the perfection of life as breath in the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse life due to greed as ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse life due to rage and anger as emotions and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as emotions in separation to life here as me in equality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself into the illusion as mind creation of polarity poles of negative/positive as I realize and see I am both the negative and positive and thus must and will walk to equalize myself with what is real and stable, the physical as life which is and always has been one and equal with me.

When and as this point of anger as rage comes up and I go into blame as a hate for another being, I stop, breath, and continue breathing to re-align myself with my physical body by going to another location and stopping the participation with what ever I am doing completely. I breath through all reactions as energy movements to go back for more, and simply let go of the point of participation in the drive to gain and release energy onto others. I realize and see that it is abusing life and thus abusing me, I stop abusing life as I would not like to be abused myself.

I commit to stand and stop all points of energy addiction as thoughts, emotions, and feelings as mind as I see them come up until they are stopped and I am here stable within and as the physical as breath.

I commit to walk within and as myself to let go of all separation within the polarity play outs I currently exist as til I remain here and am not moved by anything, only my own self direction.

I commit to live here among all life when and as I have come to stability within my direction as myself in finding solutions to what is here as separation and faulty living by standing as an example as I walk myself to life and thus help and show others the way to walk as themselves to life through and as the self honest living here as me.

I commit to stop my ego and stand here among life in humbleness and gentleness as caring and sharing for the other as this is for me too.



hate, rage against the machine, raging, rage, spiteful, i hate you, self hatred, abuse to others, fighting, conflict, debt, love/hate, relationships, equality, equal life, equal money, desteni eqafe, 2012

Day 26 - Me as a Weakling Polar B(F)ear - Part 1

Looking at a point of fear in my reality, what I see is that I fear conflict with others. I fear being shut down and humiliated with another so I rather not go there and kind of skate through life scenarios. Within this skating through I will remain in fear because I am not directing the point, facing it, but suppressing and avoiding the point of humiliation and conflict with others by just skating through and being passive, so I can stay safe in my bubble until the next moment where I can be happy again by becoming the strong one.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear conflict with others due to the fear of being shut down and humiliated in front of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear others and have a belief that if I am in a conflict with another I will have the chance to be proved wrong or seen as not as good as the other and within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself within the other in a point of ego where I am in competition and thus looking to win and be on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to only be existing here within competition and comparison with another in my world and thus when faced with a point that is in conflict I suppress myself and go into fear because of a dislike and petrification of being seen and humiliated within and as my peers and others in a way where I will be seen less then and be seen as the loser because I got called out.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in fear of this point of humiliation based on me accepting and allowing myself to be within and as a point of competing and trying to win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the feeling of embarrassment and humiliation based on defining this feeling as bad and thus avoiding it to not have to feel it again thus avoiding people and suppressing my expression due to allowing this feeling to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define a feeling as bad and thus allow it to direct me into suppression and limitation within my world and my expression based on seeing this feeling as real and that it is who I am and thus be defined by myself through defining me as bad and inferior due to holding onto this belief that humiliation means I lose and I am a loser.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus fear people who I see as strong and confident within their demeanor and out going and thus go into suppression of myself and limit my participation with them within the expectation that I will freeze up and not be able to hold my own and thus expect me to be humiliated so thus I rather just not express and suppress myself to not have to face this feeling.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress my expression with others due to the belief that if I do express myself with someone who shows they are strong I will lose as I see myself as weak and thus will then have to face this humiliation as I see that I was beaten in the argument and thus could potentially be called out or made fun of which I fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear others within a picture of confidence and out goingness within their personality and thus allow suppression based on holding onto past memories where I was humiliated and thus had to face this emotion as embarrassment and being seen as weak and less then because I lost within the conflict/competition with my peers.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto memories of the past with my peers where I would be called out and humiliated in front of others and thus be defined as weak and made fun of and thus within that defined myself as weak and less then as I was called out and lost within the competition with the other in the conflict that was being faced and thus defined me as weak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as weak and less then others based on holding onto past memories with my peers when I was seen as weak and thus called out on this as I lost the competition of egos and thus was casted as a weakling with the group based on defining myself by this and playing into this role.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a inferiority stance within myself and suppress myself around others especially those in my peer group and not face them within what is being lived but go into suppression of myself so thus I don't have to face this idea of possibly being humiliated again based on my fear of this and being seen by this from others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself with others based on holding onto memories of being humiliated and called out and due to this fear of being humiliated I go into suppression of my self expression because I don't want to lose and have my ego damaged as being seen as less then others in a obvious way by accepting myself to play this role and thus define all life as myself as weak/strong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within and as competition with myself here and thus go into a point of perfection where I am trying to live up to this picture of perfection within my mind and thus holding all points within my world to this standard and when points play out within the win/loss scenarios and I define myself as 'loser' I go into more of a state of suppression as depression due to me seeing myself as a 'loser' and less then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself as less then others here and thus allowing myself to go into fear towards others in my world due to the fact that I am separating myself from life as me and defining myself by how others treat me through the eyes of competition and thus defining my world in these win/loss, weak/strong play outs.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within a point of competition in the quest for perfection as I desire this for myself as my ego so I can win and be the best in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow my ego to direct me in my world where I go into competition and comparison with others and live into this superior/inferior happy/depressed scenario based on what polarity I am getting as feedback in my world based on my reaction to others and how the play out is played out based on seeing and thus defining myself within either weak or strong and thus playing this role in my world by either becoming out going and boisterous or suppressing myself and fearing others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to play the role as inferior/superior based on my desire to be the best and thus allow and accept myself to go into suppression/happiness based on what polarity I am playing out in reaction to my world and my idea of who I am in relation to the ideas and fear of others I am holding on to.

To be continued.....





perfection, living perfect, self help, self hatred, fear of others, being bullied, being humiliated, ego, fear of life, equality, equal money, eqafe, journey to life, desteni, 2012