My Experience with Confidence In Appearance - Part 5 - Day 365

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Featured Artist: Matti Freeman

This is a Series, here are the others for reference:
My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362
Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363
Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4 – Day 364

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define myself within the experience of myself as confident when I see when looking in the mirror I get a positive energy kick as I see that within my idea of the picture in my mind has been satisfied and I am feeling confident to go out in public and face others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my feeling of who I am through an experience of positive feelings when I see myself in the mirror and am satisfied with what I see and that have the thought that ‘now I can go and feel confident in myself’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my mind that I have to fufill and satisfy before I will go out with others and if I don’t satisfy this picture the feeling of confidence ends and I become insecure proving that this confidence is not in fact real because it depends on other factors rather then a living of it within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my confidence level based on the picture I see in the mirror and feel anxiety and fear when in public if I don’t have a picture that I am satisfied with when I look in the mirror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself worth and confidence within myself based on my picture in the mirror rather then the who I am as a person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the mind when I have the thought ‘now I can go and feel confident in myself’ and so go into public and feel better about myself due to this conclusion that I look my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy of positive feelings as excitement and a comfortableness if I am satisfied with the picture I see in the mirror and then become more comfortable in public situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when looking in the mirror and I am not satisfied with the way I look and accept the thought of ‘man, I look ugly  right now’ and so go into public feeling less comfortable and more anxious around other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat and judge others based on what they look like and compare there look with mine, and so feel confident or not based on the way I compare to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel better about myself through accepting the positive energy as excitement or comfortableness when I see myself as more then others and so get a sense of confidence within myself and become more comfortable with being in public with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better about myself within myself if I am more then others within my mind through judgment of others around me and base my experience of myself on this judgment I have made in feeling more or less then others.

When and as I see I am going into my mind and comparing myself to a mirror image of myself or with another and judging it as good/bad, I stop and breath, and realize this is being enslaved within a polarity of positive and negative that will continue as I separate myself from others and my own living through judgment. I realize I will only be able to live in equality and so true self confidence if I build it through my actions and words based on the actual reality of what is here including and accepting all as myself.

I commit to stop judging and sizing myself up and others in my mind.

I commit to let go of the energy of feeling good or bad about myself and accepting myself in that moment absolutely.

I commit to stop the backchat thoughts of polarity of ugly/beautiful.

I commit myself to build confidence in myself through the way I build myself over time through self responsibility and living in a principled way and following through.

I commit myself to stop judging others.

I commit myself to stop judging myself.

I commit myself to accept myself and push with all people by become comfortable with myself.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

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“What If I was More” – Day 329

I have been looking at self acceptance for a while now, and have not had a satisfactory point within myself of seeing myself in this way. So I have been observing myself throughout the day to see where it is that I am not allowing myself to just live, be and accept who I am in each moment. The biggest point I am seeing is the point of accepting my physical appearance, seeing it within a point of judgment, and seeing this backchat thought of ‘what if I was looking like this, how my world would open up more.” “If only I had that feature or that look then I would really be able to do what I want”, and so this continues throughout the day, this accumulation of anger and disappointment because I want to look better then what I see in the mirror. I have always had this point within me through the desire to this belief system, that ‘if I was looking this way, then I would be so much more happy and appreciated, and loved”, and so it’s a constant point of self sabotage I am engaging within based on this very physical point that I can not change anything about my physical body in terms of it’s appearance. It is what it is and I have to accept it as such.

So this point that I am missing out on life due to the way I look and act within society is purely based on my own acceptances and allowances of judging myself and others and continuously comparing myself to my world around me, thus not applying myself in the physical in changing and stopping this pattern once and for all. Because obviously, I can not change my physical and I see how really selfish and self centered I am being due to fear of loss, but it is a point that I can change and correct within the relationship to myself so I can start to nurture and care for myself as a living being, the physical being who is here within this world and body and make something of myself then just a point of self sabotage and lost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of belief that I am missing out on life due to not being the best looking female that I know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less then other females who I compare to myself as more feminine and womanly, and thus see me as not womanly and feminine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself less womanly then other women when I realize that I am not defined nor is anyone else defined due to their gender and that where integrity is born from is who we are within the way we live and treat others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as unworthy as a women compared to other women I see, and believe because I am not the top of the notch women look that I am thus less then others because I don’t have the same style as other females do and can’t pull off the looks other females can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and limit myself to styles and looks of what the picture presentation and expression of other women are conveying and comparing myself to that as seeing myself less then them, and then suppress my own expression due to a belief that I am just not stylish and beautiful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a desire to be beautiful and stylish based on my desire to only define people based on what they look like and how they move instead of seeing people as different expressions that are unique unto themselves and not compare and judge, but live equal to it all because this is how I would like to be treated as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to exist in comparison and judgment towards my world instead of pushing my application of breathing here and remaining stable in letting go of these desires and walking the path of realizing and living equal with all beings I meet.

When and as I see I go into a point of desiring to be more then who I am here within my flesh, I stop and breath, and speak ‘no I am here, I accept me as who I am in this moment’ and breath through all the physical reactions of anxiety and tightness within the stomach, and move through the reaction with breathing until it is subsided and thus focus on what is being said/physical interaction rather then the picture.

I commit myself to walk this statement of when the desire comes up to compare or go into self sabotage, breath, and speak I accept me for who I am.

I commit to breath through the reactions of anxiety and fear of loss through continuing to state the who I am statement no matter what points come up within me to go into reaction.

I commit to embrace the other within who they are and walk the point of acceptance of myself in equality to the other through seeing that we are both life in the physical and focus on the physical and letting go of the attachment within my mind.

I commit to practice communicating with others and moving through these triggers of backchat thoughts through breath awareness and stopping all points of judgment of myself or others through practicing seeing direct, what is here, in the physical and as the physical.

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Relationship Paranoia – Part 2 – The Origin of Relationship Desires - Day 318

This is a blog continuation of a series, here is part 1:

Day 312 – Relationship Paranoia – Part 1

So here I will be looking at the origin of this desire within me as a kid of liking a boy, and thus wanting a relationship with him. What within my memory and my living situation as a child oriented me to desire to be with another person? The first boy I remember liking was a boy in my second grade class, he was a boy who was shy, but very cute, so his looks where first on my list that attracted me to him. So I will look at this point first of ‘attraction’, and what within this point that creates a point of desire for another in my life at even the age of 8 or 9 years old.

First, I would say what drew me to attractive guys at that age where movies, the movies I watched always had this point of very cute guy or girl within it, to cater to each sexes desire, and they were always the hero’s within the movies. For instance was the movie free willy, the boy who lead in that movie I really liked based on him being cute. And within me, it was this desire to be like that or be with someone that was very attractive. Now, this point is very encapsulating and has been throughout my life, the desire for beauty, what makes the picture of someone so enthralling and enticing, as I look at it here it moves to sex. The desire to have sex with a beautiful person was already engrained in me even at that age of 8 or 9 years old, I may not have known what sex was, but I did feel a feeling of attraction to move closer to these beautiful pictures, and when I was younger, this desire or feeling again was fueled and grew within watching movies. Dirty dancing was the first movie I saw that I actually knew what was happening within the kissing scenes because my friends would talk about it, and then finally I saw this movie and it clicked, and I was like ok, this feeling is what everyone is talking about.

So this ‘feeling’ that everyone was talking about was a feeling or desire for closeness with another, for sex, but here one must question this because it’s not a self movement within a point of contemplation or decision making, but it’s like a pull, and the pull is magnetized towards another I have found through looks and beauty of another, and then the hope of relationship and then sex with this other. So even within the age of 8 or 9, I was already introduced to sex and relationship, and already was starting to feel the pull towards another, a desire to be with them, and at this stage it was based on this other being ‘cute’.

The Origins of desire in relationships therefore I would conclude based on my experiences as a kid would be one main focus is movies and television, what they show on the screen as sex and relationship, and inducing the experience within self of the feelings of lust and sex towards others. And thus what is imprinted within the human watching these movies or tv shows is that you have to be beautiful and sexy to get your desires fulfilled, to get another beautiful picture to be with you, and so I started on this road to be beautiful. The image of the characters on tv are very specific, they are geared to create desires within the viewer, the desire to be beautiful, and what does this desire create within the world system, consumers, buyers, but also devastation as the human view of themselves is skewed. It’s not about self-empowerment and wholeness of self, but these movies and tv series create a need and unfufillment within self, and a desire to perfect self. I will go into detail with self forgiveness and self correction next blog on these points.

So the paranoia that is created even at a very young age through what one watch on the tv screens, is the paranoia of the perfect look to get the perfect relationship, and then get to have that feeling of lust built up now through all the viewing over time on the tv, to find the perfect guy and have a relationship, sex, and then it will lead to marriage and thus security (I wil go into to this in detail in later blogs). So these expectations now, build up questions within self like, “but can I get him, will he like me, dear god, am I perfect enough? How do I get perfect?” And another problem is that children are never properly educated to discern from fact and fiction, and thus understanding how to create a point of self stability within yourself through these fears and feelings that are now created and being fueled on a day to day basis.

Suggest Read: Day 406: Relationship Paranoia Guidelines

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Day 131- Appearance Character – Intro

Here looking at the appearance character that exist within and as me, directing and defining every moment that I breath as I have for a very long time, always looked to define myself and life by this unseen force as one of my characters I play as the appearance character, and in this created many dimensions of mind fucks that I will be walking through within the next coming blogs.

So I find one of the primary trigger points for the activation of this character, as the appearance character, is thinking. When I actually go and start thinking about the way I look and how others are perceiving me, then the thoughts accumulate and accumulate, and I go into suppression and self judgment based on accepting this belief that I am this character that has definitions, ideas, beliefs, and desires on how it is I should look, and what will be the perfect look to strive for. This belief is based on childhood and growing up with the media, friends, family, schooling, pushing consciously, subconsciously, or unconsciously, that we all are in competition with each other because we are in survival mode here to live, we have to be the best to have access to resources, to get what we need to eat, to get a job to make money, to get the guy/girl, it’s the inherent game of the survival of the fittest battle. So from birth we are bred to compete, to be the conquer, to be the dominant one, to be the smartest, to be the prettiest, to be the richest, so we can win, and thus be able to live another day and survive in this world. We have created this world were we aren’t free here, but slaves to the system as we have accepted ourselves to play into this fame with each other, and with ourselves as well.

So within this understanding, we as the beings in this survival mentality, walk within ourselves the separation of ourselves as life as equals, and compete and fight to get on top, cause if your on top, you are more guaranteed to survive, but is this really living. Obviously not, that is what the process at desteni is about, to stop ourselves from living in such a way. We are not slaves, we are not designed to compete and have to battle to survive, we don’t have to live into the seperations and comparisions that create such a hellish experience within us and without as this world DEMONstrates, there is another way. Walking the process of self honesty and self forgiveness, to stop the competition programming and the desires to be more, and simply live in the physical, as the physical within a breath movement, and correct ourselves into equality and oneness. This is not an easy path, but it’s the only way to stop the insanity of this system and the insanity that I see within myself.

So within my own expericing of this point of competition where in I activate my appearance character, I find that it is the primary points I use to judge my ‘compeition’ and judge myself to see if I stand up to the competition. In most cases, I do not stand up, so I have created many points of suppressions in my expression, self sabotage within my interactions with others, based on judging myself within who I am, and it’s subtle sabotage, where in I will see myself in a mirror, and instantly judge my hair not being as I desired it to and have created a picture in my mind as how it should be. So creating many points of self judgement on points I am finding are really irrelevant, but is necessary to walk through and stop as I change my living to be in equality with others in the physical, and not in separation from the mind’s view. 

Featured Artist: Ann Van Den Broeck
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beauty system, beauty, model loo, appearance, appearance character, how to perfect my look, perfect body, competition, survival, slave, capitalism, survival of the fittest, desteni, 2012, journey to life

Day 83- 'I am a Tough Female" Character - Part 1

Here walking through the point of considering myself as a tough female and how I have defined myself in relation to males and females in this world in a point of competition and fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as a tough female because within myself I saw myself as weak and thus I overcompensated for the weakness within me with this tough exterior that I would present to others to be seen in a certain way to hide the fear I felt within myself towards others presences. I realize and see within this point of defining myself as weak and thus manifesting myself as strong on the exterior is splitting my expression within who I am thus I will be not able to be stable within it thus shifting back and forth and equality aligned as self here as physical is lost. Within this I realize to stabilize myself I must walk the point of defining myself as weak/strong by letting it go and walking here as breath to align with my physical body and life as one with me through living this within and as physical expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as weak within myself based on taking points personally within how I have been treated by others where they would call me names and I would create an idea within this that I am thus weak and not strong because others are being nasty to me thus I must have something wrong with me to be treated in such a way. I realize within and as this point that one I can not take other peoples words personally as I realize all here are walking the process of self realization and thus all beings are on different levels of process and thus 'do not know what they do' so to speak as many are not as aware of process, mind systems, and who they are in relation to it yet, so thus I walk patience and understanding in equality to life and stop myself from taking others worlds personally.

Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when as a child deliberately abuse and name call others in my world who I defined as weak and thus gave myself the permission to call them out and abuse them because I beLIEved it was ok because I was better then that other based on the definitions I held of being more superior thus I abused life equal and one to how I was abused so thus I could be shown and understand that life is equal in all ways and I will get what I give, so thus here I realize and understand that I must stop abusing others in this world and walk the physical process of understanding and getting to know another through becoming this as myself and stop the abuse as ego to try and be seen as more thus this is to accept myself and see that I am here no need to abuse others in self interest. I realize within this point of showing myself to myself when I diminish another I diminish myself and in return will receive what I give so rather I use my understanding of who I am as all life and live equal and one as how I would want to be treated until this is who I am in every breath. I stop the abuse of life as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within this comparison point as a child found that when I demonstrated that I was tough and was able to compete with boys that I gained respect by the males and thus within myself found that I enjoyed this respect as I saw females in fear due to not seeing myself pretty in relation to them so thus I always saw myself inferior to the females as in school it was much set up within groups and I did not see myself fit into the group of girls that I desired to be with that were the popular ones as I saw them all as prettier to me and thus wasn't able to win here, I had no chance within this competition point.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the children within  my school years as females in particular as unapproachable and in fear based on not seeing myself equal to them within looks and thus judging myself as less then. Within this judgment going into an inFEARior stance towards them and not feeling ok around them, thus I avoided them and went into diminishment within myself when around them. To equalize myself as my ego of desire to be perfect/best/on top, I would within this point of inferior towards them go into the same point I was seeing towards myself towards the other females by seeing then females as weak. I realize within this point that the females as my classmates where no threat to me nor was I inferior to them here as physical beings, but created this in-fear-ior stance towards them based on not accepting myself as who I am as physical life but desiring something more, desiring to be seen as pretty/gain the most attention/be perfect within myself so thus I can within my world be on top, be able to compete with others, and thus be able to survive in my world with others. I realize that I do not need to survive here so I must stop my separation within myself, see myself for who I am, and let go of the judgments and desires to be seen as the best/prettiest/most perfect, and stop the judgment of others and diminishment of others by letting go of my ego and be equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself within and as an inferior stance towards the females in my world based on comparing my picture to their picture and thus not seeing myself equal to their picture but either being more or less, and thus separating myself into ideas of my mind which are not real and thus a trap to enslave so I do not equalize but stay separate from  myself because I realize the other being is more then a picture and I am more then a picture were we are actually one and equal here and thus are not defined by any point but the equality that lives as life here as myself and within all.

Forgiveness to continue....

I commit myself to walk and re-align myself with and as the physical human body as my ground point within this world to life here in oneness and equality through letting go of all polarity play outs and judgments of myself as more or less then any being here that exist as I realize and commit to walk the walk of equality and oneness with all life as myself here as I breath.

I commit myself to walk humbleness with other beings here as well as myself to stop taking words, actions, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, gestures, behaviors, characters, personalities and all separated created entities within and as the mind consciousness system as the human being and thus walk myself here first in equalizing myself to all and thus walk as an example for others to see/show the way to self realization that we are not our minds, and thus simply are defined by nothing thus can and if will be free as life within this way of living.

I commit myself to stop the abuse of myself as others and thus stop the judgment by accepting myself and all life through the realization I see that I am all that is here and thus I must walk this as myself through stopping the abuse as myself. I commit to treat all life in ways I would want to be treated and always put myself in the shoes of another to realize that we are one here until this is done.

I commit myself to let go of the beauty point within myself as I realize that it is an abuse to life, defining life by a point that is a commercial as consumerism that I have allowed to define who I am, thus I commit to walk this definition through letting it go and stopping all reactions within myself through self forgiveness and corrective action until no picture move me and I am here.


I commit myself to stop to judgment of others due to desire to be more thus I commit to stop my ego and thus within this stopping I commit to stop the diminishment of others in my mind so thus I can be more again within myself. I commit to stop abuse by letting go of my desire to be more then others and also seeing myself less then others.
I commit to walk my physical process of self forgiveness, self honesty, self investigation, and self correction to let go of my mind from directing me and thus be equal so life is free to live equal and one as who we are as life.



ego, tough female, athlete, strong women, iron women, men vs. women, bullied, beauty, prettiest girl, model competitions, popular kids, equal life, equality, eqafe, desteni, 2012, journey to life, garbrielle goodroe

Day 38- My Face to Face

Judging my face/eyes based on the past and based on the desire to be beautiful, which has caused massive separation and turmoil within me over the years because I am holding onto this idea that I am and can be the most beautiful as within I see a ugly being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my face.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare my face to other faces in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create the idea within my mind that my face has to be beautiful and thus go into comparison with others to see if I am beautiful or not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others based on an idea that some are more then others within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the polarity of myself that I am more/less then other (me's)within what is here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes as messed up due to them not being symmetrically perfect and thus go into judgment of myself because I am not perfect symmetrically.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes due to the past of others judging them and making fun of them thus judging my face/eyes in a negative charge due to holding on to the belief that I am ugly.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame god/someone else for making me this way, when I have created and defined myself by myself and thus I have created the misery within all that I live by my self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame a god/someone else for the way I am experiencing myself as less then when I realize and see it is I myself who have defined myself as less then and judged myself in this way by allowing comparison and competition to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow comparison and competition to direct me when I realize this is not real as all that exist here is myself so thus I am comparing me to me and only competing with myself within illusions that I have made up like there are some who are better and some who are not so good = not real an illusion based on ego and my self interest to be special because I am not accepting me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes/face based on memories of the past and hold onto them here within life and thus go into a point of self judgment when around others if their is any motion to their eyes where I will see my eyes as the problem and go into inferiority because I fear that the other is judging me in there head and thus I fear being seen as less then them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to assume that someone else is judging me in their head based on my idea and belief that the motion made was in relation to me and thus make the whole point about me and how I am feeling/being treated/ being accepted instead standing in the physical equal and one and stopping the judgment, comparison, competition within myself to everyone I met. I realize I must stop the separation within me for it to stop within my world as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being seen less then another because I am in competition and comparison to everyone here within the desire to be more and be the best and thus when I go into a possession point of seeing others as judging me I will go into inferiority and limit myself due to fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge others actions as a personal attack onto me when I realize and see it is me who is creating this idea that I am being judge when the real truth is that I am the one judging myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my physical body and thus exist within this desire to be beautiful when I realize real beauty does not exist here, our physicals are our life source here and thus what gives me life here, why do I judge it and compare to other physicals because I desire to be more and be seen as special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be seen as more and special among beings I desire to like me or see me in a certain way because I want a relationship with them and thus I believe me being me will not be enough to impress them so thus I am judging myself and not seeing myself as good enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to impress others based on the way I look because I don't see them liking me any other way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sabotage myself to such an extent where I don't even feel the ability to be able to be liked by another within and as just being me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself through this point of self judgment and the judgment of life here I have created myself in such a way to only be living based on polarities and ego where I am not actually living among life here but only competing, comparing, and diminishing others to be on top because I am not accepting myself and seeing myself as worthy equal and one to all because I am not living this.

To be continued.....

When and as this point comes up where I desire to go into self judgment, comparison, competition about my face/eyes or physical in any way, I stop, breath, move my physical body, and stop the participation in the thoughts or ideas of judgment. I stop judgment of all life here as myself and thus focus on my self application, my living in and as walking self perfection, and stop the focus on how others are seeing me and who I am being here among others, but live and be physical.

I commit to stopping self judgement and the judgment of all beings here through breathing through the desires, wants, and needs and focusing on my physical one and equal with all here as we all are physical and that's it.

I commit to stop comparison to others and see life as me, putting myself in their shoes, and stopping my desire to be more.

I commit to stop trying to impress others and just live the acceptance of myself through living myself here in what I am doing, and only focus on self application of mySELF.

I commit to stop competition and the desire to be more/win as I am only competing with me and I thus will myself to live one and equal with all as I would want for myself in acceptance and real love.



self judgemnet, comparision, ugly, beauty, beautiful girls, sexy, perfect body, self abuse, self hatred, equality, equal life, eqafe, journey to life, desteni, 2012,

Day 3 - Judgement of Self

When I watched back the video I made tonight I immediately went into reaction of seeing myself as ugly. Judging and comparing my physical face to memories of what I have looked like and approved of in the past, and thus seeing myself less then those pictures. Throughout my life, I have based people, my first impression of them, based on their look. Defining the being in whether I was going to like them or not due to if they where attractive or not, and this definition and initial judgment of another would create a separation which compromised my ability to be with them as equals and thus taint the meeting  to be only as ego within self interest to be on top, be the winner, and thus gain system approval and acceptance for myself.

This was fueled by seeing movies and tv shows were the people on there were always very attractive, I was very much into beauty, I enjoyed people who were very attractive looking, and this initially was not in a sexual way, but in a way to establish myself among 'friends' and basically size myself up to thus compete for the most attractive male in my later years. I did not accept myself because I desired to be perfect within my look this never being able to be satisfied within myself because I was always seeing myself in comparison with others which created a hell for myself and me with others as I constantly was in competition. Til here no further I stop the judgment of myself as well as others within pictures, we are more then pictures, we are here as life. Life is not limited to look, pictures, or definitions and I am not limited to competition and the mind as ego, I can transcend and walk as equals with all that exist as I realize all that is here is me, I must stop my mind and thus walk within and as the physical as what is real to live this in fact to align myself one and equal with all as this physical reality as the physical reality is what is life, what is real, what is 'god', what is self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself based on images I am holding onto of what the perfect face should look like, what the perfect eyes should look like, what the perfect hair should look like, what the perfect style should look like and thus be constantly and continuously comparing myself to everyone I see, and thus define myself only by the outside looking in as I realize and see that who is on the outside is not who I have to be, I do not have to continue to define myself by the pictures that I hold onto as perfect and thus I can let go of this desire to be some image that is not real and not tangible to even consider never mind take up so much of my time in worry, thoughts, and attention as I simply made it up in my mind and made it real by allowing perfection as an idea to possess me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge another being based on this picture image I have in my head of the perfect look and thus within this perfect picture idea in my mind, size the being up and thus go into a conclusion that the being is then defined and figured out so to speak and thus I direct myself from this conclusion I made of him/her within ego as seeing myself in comparison to what I concluded as more or less within the other. I realize that within this type of separation of defining and judging a being within the idea of more/less and constantly and continually participating within this comparison as I meet new people and with all the people in my world I am creating my own hell as their is no fulfillment and joy in trying to attain a stance of superiority through other beings by diminishing them in my mind and really I realize only diminishing me as eventually I will sabotage the the other as my ego always looks to be on top and thus will abuse another to attain this goal of superiority.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into my ego and diminish others in an attempt to be superior to others as I am compensating for the inadequacy I see of myself through not accepting myself and judging myself within the polarity play out of better/worse as my image and what I believe is important as being perfect to be accepted. I realize and see that being perfect within the mind as ideas, images, and polarities is not real but only sabotaging myself to really live and walk self perfection through become self perfected in taking consideration of everyone that is here as myself and living equal and one to all that is here as I would want for myself. I see and understand real perfection is within and as life here in this physical reality through creating systems and solutions to better life for all and thus enjoy life as ourselves with each other in total acceptance and embracement of the joy of ourselves as life living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to base my whole beingness on the image of who all of us are within an idea that beauty is valuable and those who are more beautiful are somehow more worthy then those who are not. I see and realize the cycle of torment I have created for myself by existing within this absolute abdication to who and what life is as one and equal with all that is here in this physical reality and defining life by pictures that the being has no control over and makes absolutely no difference to the relationship we hold here as one and equal with each other as we are all the other as all that remain here is self, nothing exist outside of self as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to play into the depression of myself when and as I came to points in my life where I would see myself as not as pretty as the other and really within myself define myself as less then that I somehow was not as worthy, privileged, and special as I saw those with the great beauty. I see and realize that this idea of beauty as something that is able to be valued and thus defined and categorized among beings is in complete separation by accepting my mind as ideas and pictures to have power over me and thus abuse the life around me as well as myself due to following these thoughts that to be someone here you had to be good looking based on following  my thoughts and ideas that I am the mind and I have to win to live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow jealousy within and as myself when I see those who are in picture presentation that are the ideal image I would like to be of perfection in beauty and allow myself to go into spite towards the being as I see myself less then them but desire to have what they have as I believe there life is great as they have everything that I would want and that they have the perfect life because they look the part. I realize and see that what is here is not to be defined and placed in a box perfection as an idea placed into beauty, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and thus not relevant to what I am walking here as life in oneness and equality. Life is life and thus added value judgments of beauty is only limiting our expression and determining ourselves within images of the mind as ideas that need to be lived up to which is not necessary and cause division among beings if one accept and allow the ego to control self, so thus I realize best to stop limiting myself to ideas of beauty and perfection and live beauty as perfection of self here within all that exist in absolute specificity to the consideration of all parts of myself as the whole is unified and supported within the support system I am as life living with no ego as mind to hinder one's expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful within my backchat towards another being I see as more then me as I am jealous that they have the perfect picture that I desire and believe I need to succeed here in this world, so to make myself feel better, I will be quick and try to manipulate them to get them to be on my level through finding flaws in them and making them see it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be spiteful towards others beings and be nasty within my backchat as trying to diminish them based on seeing them more then me. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a depression state to ensue when I value myself less then other based on looks and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting depression to exist within and as me as I see myself unworthy and useless if I don't stand at the top among the group I am with and be seen as the best among them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus compensate within my athletics to make up for the lack I felt within my look so thus I could have some value among my peers and be seen as cool in a way that I saw others as cool, those who were good at sports.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself and others as cool based on if we played sports or not and placing a value judgment on physical activity and motion instead of realizing and existing as me here comfortable and stable within myself as I discover and express myself within the enjoyment of physical movement with others and with myself as my human physical body.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow abuse onto others based on my jealousy towards them of being prettier or better in sports then me and thus find ways to manipulate and diminish them to make myself be more and be seen by those at the top of the group so I thus can impress and get myself closer to being at the top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to diminish myself within the idea and living out this idea that i have to manipulate life and abuse life to get to the top in compete self abdication as myself as equal with all and go into ego to be seen by others within my acting in an abusive and self interested way to impress those I see as more then me so I can be accepted and seen as cool among the group as see as better then me. I realize and see that this is not who I am and thus I stop all forms of desiring to impress others to gain their approval to thus be seen by others as being in a certain group and thus go into self interest to try and be seen as more to thus boost my ego and be disillusioned that I am somebody because I am 'popular' but only living by the system of abuse through diminishing myself by abusing others for my own self interest desires and gains to be accepted by those I see as superior to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate me from the life that is here within ego as jealousy and judgment as I realize and see that I am only diminishing me and creating a cycle of self abuse as I go from peak to lows in a never ending cycle of searching for who I am and trying to fit in with others all the while creating conflict and abuse in my world due to anger and jealousy because I don't see myself live up to my idea of perfection within my mind that i desired very much.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define life by pictures and from the mind as ego within polarities of inferiority/superiority based on an idea that I need to be perfect to be accepted and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe to make it in this life and succeed I have to be accepted and thus I had to be perfect within what I did and look like as I was in competition with all the others in my group which created allot of depression as I just could not live up to this expectation of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create an expectation of myself that I had to be perfect to succeed and be accepted instead of realizing and seeing that true success is when one live in peace and freedom with one self by accepting oneself for who one is and embracing all that is here as self in thus forgiving oneself for seeing themselves in a faulty way to thus change self to live here among all life equal and one.

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My Self Correction:

When and as I go into this point of beauty and trying to fulfill this perfect picture within my mind, I stop and speak 'no, til hear no further', where I realize and see that life is I as a life being am not defined nor limited to any point of deinition, thought, belief, idea that the mind makes up within the polarities that will play out through accepting the ego to direct. Thus I commit to stop my ego as these thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and definitions to thus let go of the ties of limitation and allow myself to breath and live as myself in all that exist here as I create myself within all that is here as we as life walk as equals together in oneness and live in this way as well.

I commit to stopping all thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and jealousy based on placing value on judgments within polarities in separation to what is here.

I commit to walk with all life as myself and accept all life without any point but here as breath as I align with the physical in my words and deeds to thus embrace the world as myself and all living beings within it so peace can be lived and I can live in peace within myself as I walk and align myself with the perfection of this physical reality within the principles of oneness and equality through living in self honesty and self forgiveness.

 I commit to accept myself as all as one as equal and stopping all ego to be more and thus stopping all points of self sabotage as I go into the polarities of separating me from mysel fas all life. I stop separation in all forms and bring all forms here as me in living with life one and equal with me.

I commit to stand equal to life and thus stop at nothing to see this world live in this way through and as my self living and birthing myself with perfection my every breath to align to what is best for all life.



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