Acceptance and Work: Dissecting the “I don’t want to” Character - Day 510

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I have taken on a new position in my job where it wasn’t a direct decision by myself where I had time to consider all the points and find what best suited me, I was more thrown into the position by unforeseen and unfortunate events. With that being said, I am now in a position of leadership and responsibility where I have to sharpen my skills and face fears and illusions I have created for myself. One of the points that has been coming up lately and has been effecting my work flow and environment is this nagging backchat that ‘I don’t want all this responsibility, I don’t want to be in charge of all this, I don’t want to be stressed about money and problems that arise day in and day out, I want to be free and do what I want’, then my mind will go into pictures of how others are getting to have an easier time, get to have fun and be worry free, I want that life again, I don’t want all this responsibility.

Though I realize that I have to change this pattern because I have decided to walk this path and ensure I do my best at it. So I will walk some forgiveness and create some ways forward for myself to find solutions for the points that I am facing within this character.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character of the ‘I don’t want to’ do what I have in front of me to do because of beliefs that it’s too hard and too much, not seeing that I am creating an experience of it as too much and too hard because of the personality I am going in of not wanting to do something with the energy of resistance and tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the character of ‘I don’t want to’ based on the belief that I am not able to when I see, realize, and understand I am able to that its more a lack of effort to do what has to be done because I have created a polarized reality of what is good and what is based through comparison with other people in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have my life be smooth and comfortable at all times where I don’t have stress or points that are challenging because within that I have created the perception that this is what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind me from the realization within the actually facing challenges and pushing myself within them to find solutions and ways forward, I grow and expand and this is when I am most empowered as I am able to be more purposeful within what I do and create more of who I am through the challenges I face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed pictures and thoughts of how good it is over there in the easy life where I see comfort and fun, when I see, realize, and understand each one is equally facing challenges within there lives and that life is not about what you do or where you are, but more who you are within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the face that I am where I am and I have the responsibilities I have, though I can accept this and walk within the realization that these challenges will support with my growth and expansion, and empower me to be more and more the person I really am as my potential in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create blame and reaction to others in  my reality for frustrations I am having toward myself for not moving into the challenges in acceptance and walking who I am within them as a creation process and opportunity to live my utmost potential within it.

When and as I am seeing myself go into the ‘I don’t want to’ character and start blaming and going into daydreams about how great life is over there, I stop and breathe, and realize that I am responsible for who I am within my life circumstances and I can change myself to accept this and live these opportunities to the best of my ability and make them something worthwhile that is best for me and all.

I commit myself to live the word acceptance when I see I am going into blame or reactive thoughts as I see I decide to walk this point and that I am responsible for who I create myself.

I commit myself to walk solutions that are substantial to support myself and all involved in a way that supports all to be there best by walking with them, understanding them, and finding ways to support there strengths and strengthen their weaknesses as I walk for myself.

I commit myself to live the word accept – stand where I accept what is here as it is and move into directing myself to live my highest potential and bring the best out of what I am walking within myself and within others.

I commit myself to push myself in challenges where I move into solutions and let go of the desire to resist and give up.

Really cool Support Hangout on the Word Work and what that means:

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DIP Lite on Facebook:
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Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
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Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Self Correction - Day 452

Photo By: Marlen Del Vargas Razo

Link to First part of blog series: 
Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Day 445

This also has developed into many forms of reactions within myself towards others in my day to day living, so the feeling of being chased is the experience I am doing to myself of not facing myself in my own reality. Allowing these fears and beliefs about who I am chase me around day in and day out, allowing projections to direct me, allowing energy to overtake me, and not standing within these moments and saying no to here no further, and walking the process to face myself and stop. So I have just been allowing myself to torture myself into this cat and mouse game of waiting for the next judgment, waiting for the next energy burst of emotion, and waiting for the next bout of depression because I believe I am being harmed by others and people are out to get me. When all the while I have been harming myself and chasing myself into a circle of self compromise through judging myself. Time to stop this once and for all, and forgive myself and release myself from this nightmare scenario. 

Looking at the above from my previous blog about being chased in a reoccurring nightmare I have been having over the course of my adult life, and within writing the point out, I found that this was inevitably due to the fact that I am not becoming disciplined within my living application to the potential that I know I am able to be. I have allowed this point of fear of others judging me direct me and distract me from the fact that within my own life, I am sitting and walking the same patterns I am accusing others to do. I am not standing in full self honesty within who I am being within my reality and standing within the potential that I know I am capable of living, which is stopping the reactions to what others are living/acting within my reality and taking what I perceive through my mind as a personal attack or harm done onto me to a point where I am not moved by walking the pattern out in self discipline and self change to direct myself in these moments in what is best.

So in essence I did come to the point above that I can not blame or create a fear of others within a point of becoming a victim to my reality because within myself I am seeing how I am creating it, in my mind, in my thoughts, in my backchat, and in the moments where I allow energy possessions and not stand within myself in a way I am satisfied with that is stable and I am able to direct myself and the situation/environment into solutions in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take responsibility for myself in all ways in all forms I participate within and as, as I realize that living in a form of blaming others for how I am experiencing myself is not real nor fact as I am doing equal to what others are walking that I am accusing them for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the experience within myself because within this I then don’t have to face the fact and myself within my own body and realize that this I am equally responsible if not more so to stop what is being created as energy possessions and stand within myself in ways that is self honest and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat specifically targeting others and their flaws and replay them in my mind so I can use this as a point of distraction for myself in the time that I see where I am able to take responsibility, but not willing to in that moment to stand and walk it into a living application of myself because of not wanting to be disciplined and push myself beyond my accepted limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the limitations of momentary indulgences in points in my reality that is imbalanced and creates a consequence that is not best for all, but in ways is showing who I am within my integrity to not stand as life but stay as a mind system and abuse what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life here and not stand within who I realize and see as my potential to be, but continue to exist in limitations and continue to fall in moments that I see I am able to stand within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself in and through my own mind, my own thoughts, and diminish myself into someone who is not able to stand as life in the potential that I have been gifted in this lifetime as the potential that I see I am able to live with what I have been given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this desire within me to get what I want and be given energy as highs and feeling good and positive within myself is what is real and what I want for myself when I see, realize, and understand it is the mind moving within a survival mode as myself in my physical body desiring to move to a point of dominance and indulgences that is not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose the mind as energy addictions in feelings and emotions instead of disciplining myself to move through the points as I see I am able to and become a support here for life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self interest to supersede what is best for all and this I realize is the path to hell not heaven on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed abuse to life as I have accepted abuse to my self in thought, word, and deed and not moved myself as life here walking what is best for all in all ways.

When and as I see I am able to move myself in a point of self honest movement and I indulge in my self interest/mind, I stop and breath, as I realize, see, and understand that this action is creating hell on this earth as abuse to life and I realize, see, and understand that this doesn’t make sense because life can live in the best possible potential we can create as I create this best possible potential within myself as life aligned to what is best for all.

I commit myself to let go of my desires and fears in the moment I see they are here through committing to take a breath, do self forgiveness in real time, and change myself in these moments to not move into the mind but stand as my own self direction as life.

I commit myself to push this application of real time stopping/correction in my process walking moving forward more and more in real time living.

I commit myself to balance who I am in all I do and stand within the self trust this will develop into as a being that is here and able to direct myself in all areas as I have created myself in all areas equally as balance.

I commit myself to stand within self trust through standing in self discipline and moving myself to correction in the moment that I am aware it is here to be walked.

I commit myself to release myself from energy addictions in all it’s forms through breathing and walking the self  correction process in real time and writing process.

Check Out these Awesome and Life Supporting sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
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Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
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Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Day 445

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So over my years of being on this planet and especially into my adulthood years I have had a reoccurring themed nightmare of being chased by people, usually like a movie seen, guys with guns or some sort of vengeance out to hurt me, well that is what it feels like anyway. And tonight, I also finished the transcription to the Future of Consciousness recording done on eqafe about Nightmares, and I suggest anyone who wants in in-depth understanding of where nightmares come from and why we have them, to check this one out. So for me, I want to investigate this reoccurring nightmare I have been having, within the dream, I am scared, I am afraid of being caught by these people chasing me and being harmed. So the energy existing within me in the dream is fear and anxiety fueled by people trying to harm me, and me always in a constant state of tension and stress to get away from them. Obviously, these people in my dream want something from me and they'll stop at nothing to get it, and so I have to run and become exhausted to get to a point of safety, though this safety is never permanent because I am always on the look out for these people and always in a state of being ready to run if I need to.

So the energy I am working with is – anxiety, fear, and stress based on being chased and not knowing what will happen in the future. Stress due to the fact of possibly being caught and being harmed, and having beliefs about the people that they will harm me, I am in great danger, and I can not relax in my own space, I am always needing to be on guard and looking out for threats against my life by people out there, the bad people in this world.

I can see this pattern of running from people aligning with the self judgment pattern I have been walking, I have this fear of people that I need to be on the look out, I am always in a state of tension because I believe people are out to harm me, and they will do so at anytime. I am afraid of being harmed by people and so the fear is perpetuated in my external reality because I fear people, I don’t understand them, I don’t really get to know them, I just straight out follow my reaction of fearing them and believing they will harm me. This causes me never really to be able to relax in my own skin because I am always tense and stressed about what others will do to me and this is based on my own self judgments I have created against myself, that I am inferior and people will harm me and take advantage of me due to me not being 100 percent perfect within myself where I judge myself as not as attractive as others and not as intelligent.

This also has developed into many forms of reactions within myself towards others in my day to day living, so the feeling of being chased is the experience I am doing to myself of not facing myself in my own reality. Allowing these fears and beliefs about who I am chase me around day in and day out, allowing projections to direct me, allowing energy to overtake me, and not standing within these moments and saying no to here no further, and walking the process to face myself and stop. So I have just been allowing myself to torture myself into this cat and mouse game of waiting for the next judgment, waiting for the next energy burst of emotion, and waiting for the next bout of depression because I believe I am being harmed by others and people are out to get me. When all the while I have been harming myself and chasing myself into a circle of self compromise through judging myself. Time to stop this once and for all, and forgive myself and release myself from this nightmare scenario. 

More to come in my next blog, thanks for reading.

Day 50- 'I Don't want to Change'

'I dont' want to change'

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live the thought out of 'i don't want to change' due to accepting my desire that its too much and I can't do it direct me to not walk the change because I believe that I am not capable enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept and allow the thought that I cant change because I am not capable enough realizing and seeing this is due to the point of not wanting to face myself and standing up and pushing through all resistances I face as I see and realize all it take within me is a decision and live it out breath by breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not desire to face myself and walk through the resistances as I want to relax and not have to walk the walk that it will take to in fact walk the change that is required to be walked within and as this process of equalizing self as the mind to the physical as it will be a long walk.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow desires as resistances to 'have a nice time' and its so long direct me into self sabotage where I will compromise my process for a feeling and an experience to feel good when what I realize and understand within who I am here is that I must change to equalize self with the physical to stop the separation of myself in this world and the enslavement of ourselves within as as this physical existence to the mind consciousness system, which is not a feeling nor an experience to strive for or gett a feeling from, but a living, here, in breath as I walk, no experience a being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to indulge in the point of overwhelmingness direct me into self sabotage where i resist change because its a long process when I realize this process is walked step by step and thus in time will accumulate to what it will be as time, but what I work with is here in breath moment by moment and thus it is manageable and actually simple in terms of the walking of it, it require to slow down which is cool anyway to walk as breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to always chase experiences as good feelings instead of facing who I am and walking what needs to be walked to change what is here as this world as I realize the only way to get this done is if I in fact change myself for real through actually doing it and  living the correction as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate myself to the mind as nice feelings as experiences instead of facing what I have created, taking responsibility, and changing to walk the correction to create a better world for all which will be better for me too.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to indulge in self interest for my own happiness and comfort while many others suffer due to the lack that this greed balances out as and thus create suffering in this world due to my desire for more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not change because I want to get my happiness through energy as feelings which is easy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire the easy way out, the quick fix, but realizing that the quick fix is just that quick and doesn't consider all that is here thus will always fail.

When and as this point to want to indulge in the thought to not want to change, and get a quick fix by getting easy energy through experiences as the mind, I stop, breath, and re-align with my physical as I realize I am life and life is worth it to walk in breath in patiences and get this done for real once and for all. So I breath to stabilize myself and say 'I am one and equal with life' and push through all resistance.

I commit to re-align with breath and stop indulging in the mind as thoughts, feelings, experiences.

I commit to walk the change that is necessary and walk my process to self correction.

I commit to walk one and equal with all those who are willing to create a world that is best for all and do my part to stand equal within this change and live the solution in equality and oneness to all in this world.

I commit to walk through all resistances in practical living and walk what is needed to be walked to correct myself and stand as life one and equal as the solution to end suffering forevermore on this planet.




i dont want to change, i dont care, life is too hard, why is life hard, hardships, stress, no trust, solutions, equality, equal life, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, 2012,

Day 44- Stop the BullSh*t

Not stopping myself when I am in the mist of a tense moment in my world, and instead of stopping myself and stabilizing myself with the physical, I go into energy as anger and desire to get the last word in in competition.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give into anger urges and follow it when I made the decision to not go into the energy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow desire to get my way seen and heard override my self honesty and self trust to walk in what is best for all but instead went into ego and directed in abuse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to direct myself in abuse and thus direct myself in separation to the other in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel good when I exert my energy as anger out onto the other and let her know that I am mad at her.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to another's behaviors as if it really effect who I am but within this only be desiring to fulfill my ego and be heard and have the last word.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be addicted to getting the last word in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be addicted to winning and competing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be addicted to the energy when I am at the top within getting the last word in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the breath within these moments of energy addiction accumulation as anger and allow myself to go into separation based on ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed by addiction as energy release and accumulation as winning and competing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to continue to exist in competition with others in my world when I realize I am only fighting and competing with myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate me from the other and see this world in division as me vs. them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be directed by energy movement and stand to stop this by walking breath and practicing being here until I am here.

When and as this point to go into anger and competition to get the last word and win essentially, I stop, breath, and stabilize myself before I take another step, and do not speak until I am here....walk away! and don't go into the desire to get the last word and continue the energy just S-T-O-P!

I commit to stopping desire to get the last word in a fight.

I commit to stop energy addiction to anger and competition.

I commit to breath through the energy to get more and walk away until I am here as breath and stabilized one and equal to the physical as me.

I commit to stop fighting with others and fighting with myself.



ego, anger, i hate you, why do we fight, conflict, stress, no trust, equality, equal life, solutions for anger, self help for hate, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, 2012