Looking at a point of fear in my reality, what I see is that I fear conflict with others. I fear being shut down and humiliated with another so I rather not go there and kind of skate through life scenarios. Within this skating through I will remain in fear because I am not directing the point, facing it, but suppressing and avoiding the point of humiliation and conflict with others by just skating through and being passive, so I can stay safe in my bubble until the next moment where I can be happy again by becoming the strong one.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear conflict with others due to the fear of being shut down and humiliated in front of others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear others and have a belief that if I am in a conflict with another I will have the chance to be proved wrong or seen as not as good as the other and within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself within the other in a point of ego where I am in competition and thus looking to win and be on top.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to only be existing here within competition and comparison with another in my world and thus when faced with a point that is in conflict I suppress myself and go into fear because of a dislike and petrification of being seen and humiliated within and as my peers and others in a way where I will be seen less then and be seen as the loser because I got called out.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in fear of this point of humiliation based on me accepting and allowing myself to be within and as a point of competing and trying to win.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the feeling of embarrassment and humiliation based on defining this feeling as bad and thus avoiding it to not have to feel it again thus avoiding people and suppressing my expression due to allowing this feeling to direct me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define a feeling as bad and thus allow it to direct me into suppression and limitation within my world and my expression based on seeing this feeling as real and that it is who I am and thus be defined by myself through defining me as bad and inferior due to holding onto this belief that humiliation means I lose and I am a loser.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus fear people who I see as strong and confident within their demeanor and out going and thus go into suppression of myself and limit my participation with them within the expectation that I will freeze up and not be able to hold my own and thus expect me to be humiliated so thus I rather just not express and suppress myself to not have to face this feeling.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress my expression with others due to the belief that if I do express myself with someone who shows they are strong I will lose as I see myself as weak and thus will then have to face this humiliation as I see that I was beaten in the argument and thus could potentially be called out or made fun of which I fear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear others within a picture of confidence and out goingness within their personality and thus allow suppression based on holding onto past memories where I was humiliated and thus had to face this emotion as embarrassment and being seen as weak and less then because I lost within the conflict/competition with my peers.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto memories of the past with my peers where I would be called out and humiliated in front of others and thus be defined as weak and made fun of and thus within that defined myself as weak and less then as I was called out and lost within the competition with the other in the conflict that was being faced and thus defined me as weak.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as weak and less then others based on holding onto past memories with my peers when I was seen as weak and thus called out on this as I lost the competition of egos and thus was casted as a weakling with the group based on defining myself by this and playing into this role.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a inferiority stance within myself and suppress myself around others especially those in my peer group and not face them within what is being lived but go into suppression of myself so thus I don't have to face this idea of possibly being humiliated again based on my fear of this and being seen by this from others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself with others based on holding onto memories of being humiliated and called out and due to this fear of being humiliated I go into suppression of my self expression because I don't want to lose and have my ego damaged as being seen as less then others in a obvious way by accepting myself to play this role and thus define all life as myself as weak/strong.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within and as competition with myself here and thus go into a point of perfection where I am trying to live up to this picture of perfection within my mind and thus holding all points within my world to this standard and when points play out within the win/loss scenarios and I define myself as 'loser' I go into more of a state of suppression as depression due to me seeing myself as a 'loser' and less then others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself as less then others here and thus allowing myself to go into fear towards others in my world due to the fact that I am separating myself from life as me and defining myself by how others treat me through the eyes of competition and thus defining my world in these win/loss, weak/strong play outs.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within a point of competition in the quest for perfection as I desire this for myself as my ego so I can win and be the best in my world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow my ego to direct me in my world where I go into competition and comparison with others and live into this superior/inferior happy/depressed scenario based on what polarity I am getting as feedback in my world based on my reaction to others and how the play out is played out based on seeing and thus defining myself within either weak or strong and thus playing this role in my world by either becoming out going and boisterous or suppressing myself and fearing others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to play the role as inferior/superior based on my desire to be the best and thus allow and accept myself to go into suppression/happiness based on what polarity I am playing out in reaction to my world and my idea of who I am in relation to the ideas and fear of others I am holding on to.
To be continued.....
perfection, living perfect, self help, self hatred, fear of others, being bullied, being humiliated, ego, fear of life, equality, equal money, eqafe, journey to life, desteni, 2012
No comments:
Post a Comment