Sunday, May 20, 2012

Day 35- Hurry Up

The way I have existed throughout my life as far back as I can remember has been through a lets move quick and get it done mentality, being slow and going slow within who I am has not been the case or the way I have conducted myself at all. I find it quite difficult to be patient with others and not go into reactions of annoyance if I am not getting what I expect in a quick fashion, so thus this has created a lot of separation and unnecessary conflict and friction within myself and my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to get things done quickly and in a manner that is immediate and I can get an instant result as gratification through an energy movement as this point of getting the end result as soon as possible.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into impatiences when I don't get what I expect immediately or rather quickly in my world and thus go into irritation towards the being that I blamed to have caused this to thus be able to manipulate the other through this force of me as annoyance to have a better chance to get my need met as energy being gained through getting what I desire.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into blame and manipulation of another to get what I want within energy through my own self interest and thus diminish the opportunity for life here with all in oneness and equality which is the real true freedom of self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to get what I want and expect within the quickest time frame based on me being addicted to getting what I want based on living within a point of separation with others by only considering myself and only considering my own self interest thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into addiction as energy through getting what I want and thus being addicted to this so much where I have created a personality as quickness where I do all things in fast pace to get what I want quicker as I have become so addicted that I can't be here within breath but always in the mind pushing, forcing, and accelerating myself through the illusion of time and my idea of getting things done quicker then what is here to walk so I can get this energy within wants, needs, and desires I am living as and accepting within separation of who I really am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I can defy the physical practical reality of what is here to be walked and thus believe I can use my force as pushing in a haste to get what I want in the belief that this is ok and it will work out for me when I realize and see that it always diminishes my abilities to be clear and here where I miss points, lose focus, and compromise myself by not being equal with what is here, but trying to gain more then what I have access to as what is here in physicality and compromising myself to grow and expand within reality which is here in the physical not within my mind in a haste.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be within the mind dimensions of myself as thoughts, beliefs, and ideas of what is suppose to be and thus drive for this in haste as I have aligned myself with the addiction of gaining the energy as the result to what it is I am addicted to and thus by never getting enough as this energy always runs out, and thus I have created within me a need for more and more and thus because of my addiction to this energy as more I push and push to get this within the quickest time I can get it because all I have become is this addiction as energy accumulation and release and thus become a raging system to get my feed on the energy I believe that is who I am and what I need to feel good.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become addicted to energy in such a way that I compromise myself and others through rushing and not living within reality here in the physical but in my mind as a network of pictures, ideas, thoughts, and memories and thus am able to move through the mind dimensions in hyper speed but always within reality I compromise myself and my world because I am not real and not physical but in haste as illusion through the dimensions of my mind which is like a web and very difficult to gain stability within and a sense of self as it is filled with many points that move very quickly and is so big that there is no real access to reality and what is in real time because one is always following what the mind is showing which is always thoughts, feelings, emotions, and thus it continues as I continue to exist within in it, it is me until I stop.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as a mind system completely where I have actually compromised my living as life in reality and totally submitted myself to the illusions of my thoughts, ideas, beliefs, emotions/feelings and created a personality suit that 'I can not wait', 'I can not be patient', 'I need this immediately or I will be diminished'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself in accepting the idea that I can be diminished if I don't get what I desire as energy in immediacy or I will lose something.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing what I desire based on the idea that I need these things to live and feel good.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within the idea that I need my desires fulfilled at all times in the quickest way possible for me to be happy and feel good here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within the idea that I need to feel good and be happy to be able to exist with myself and continue, when I realize and see this is just a point of energy acceptance I have lived as and thus became addicted to due to me separating myself from myself here as life and thus placing definitions on life here and creating myself in relationship to everything that exist here a way that I believe that I am not what I see, hear, touch, and smell and so thus I have created energy movements as feelings and emotions to define what I already am and have always existed as as everything that I come in to contact with in separation as if I don't know what it is and thus I don't see me within and as it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss this point of me in oneness and equality with all that exist because I was not living the truth of who I am as one and equal as myself to all that is here but existed within the belief and thus the thoughts that I am separate from others here because we are this and that and I don't at this moment exist in this way or that thus we are not the same so we are separate not realizing that even though I as life look different and appear different in moments in my world, in essence and where we come from is the same source/origin/substance and that is life one and equal with all as is within me, we all are the same within and without as we are all here and we are all life, there is nothing more nor nothing less that exist here then this fact that all life is here as self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the breath here of life within the rhythm of what is here as life's movement in this physical existence and never allowed myself to slow myself down enough to live here and see myself for all that I am here to thus have more of a clear opportunity to not miss myself within who I am and what I am living, and be able to face myself and change myself to remain here as the breath of life by living this for real within and as who I am as I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become addicted to energy  accumulation and release and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a haste to develop for more and more and thus moved quicker and quicker in the mind to get my fill missing me as life and thus self sabotaging and limiting myself to only being this drive for more and more energy and living only within a cycle of polarities that never end because I am missing myself within it and searching for me so it's a infinite cycle of looking for myself when I have always been right here as I breath.

I forgive myself for missing me here as patience and acceptance of all life as me and walking solutions with all as me in what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss me here as the breath and thus missed my opportunity to live life here in reality where I am as I breath, this is always slower then the mind as it is to be actually lived through accumulation of living breaths step by step, and can not be done in an instant in many cases, life I realize is in breathing here in the physical which moves slower then the mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ideas/beliefs as mind is illusion and thus can do anything within any point of an acceptance, the physical has to be lived thus require patiances and deligiance to be real within it, which is slow going.

When and as this point of haste to get my energy addictions filled through getting some sort of high through the build up and release of desires, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, pictures, I stop, breath, and continue breathing to let go of all the accumulation of the need for more energy. I slow myself down within myself as I become aware of my physical movement. I walk this correction of stopping the haste, slowing down by breathing and physical movement, and walk here as physical reality participation and walking this slow and in patiances to accumulate myself in a more stable way by seeing more by living for real through being here in more clarity by walking here within my breath as the physical itself through and as my physical body.

I commit to slow myself down through become aware of my breathing and physical body within movements.

I commit to stopping going into energy addictions and acceleration through my mind by thoughts, ideas, and emotion/feelings accumulation as a want and desire.

I commit to walk within and as what is real through considering all that is here through becoming more physical and slowing myself down to consider more of the reality that I am living in in actual participation here as I breath instead of going in energy and the mind and pushing to get an energy fill.

I commit to stop the desires, need and wanting to feel good within myself and be here within what is real and thus able to direct in reality based on fact and not on my mind which is only in self interest which I see and realize will always compromise my self stability and self trust.

I commit to walk the process from my mind dimensions to here as breath until all that remain is me here one and equal with life as we breath.

hurry up, move quicker, how to get things done quickly, why can't I slow down, impatience, haste living, slow down, take it easy, equality, eqafe, equal money, equal life, ems, elf, desteni, journey to life, 2012

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