Day 288 – What Does it Mean to Be Gentle With Myself?

So for a moment I am going to look at this point of what it means to be gentle with myself. I was listening to an interview The Metaphysical of Imagination- Transforming Self Judgment into Self Awareness– Part 17 from eqafe today on self judgment and they discussed this point of gentleness with self. And how within self judgment, you are not this way with yourself, but more like a bully and cause harm to yourself. So I was looking at this because being gentle is something I can not relate much at all too. I was looking to see where in my life am I gentle, I came up with being gentle when I pet Henri on the head right over his ears like very gently and slowly, and I take the time to feel and sense the hairs in that area as the hair there are very short and soft. The ears make me consider to be gentle in that spot because of the sensitivity, and I really enjoy doing it because of the awareness that it brings me to because I actually have to stop and consider the pressure, movement, and direction my hand is going in to make sure I don’t hurt his ears or him. And it’s cool to do that, go slow, be aware of my movements, and feel for real the movement of the hair in this case under my hand.

So this is what comes up when I look at the point of myself and gentleness, but it’s in relation to another and not myself, I have never been gentle really with myself, considerate, and slowing down enough to really be in this with myself. The interview supported because I couldn’t even really see how to even do this, like slow down and be gentle, because I am constantly moving in my mind, in my day, and in my actions, so slowing down and allowing me the time to be slow and become aware of myself is like not even an option I would consider, like it’s just not realistic. But I did heed there suggestion, and walked some practical support points to practice slowing down and becoming gentle with myself, it’s not only very cool support to bring awareness to myself and the equality that I deserve as well, but is very relaxing and a point of letting go through a decision to do so through breath, it’s very nice.

So I will continue to apply these tools and see where it is that I can implement this more and more in my living because as a final point I will be much better suited to be gentle and kind with myself rather then harsh and bullying myself which I see I exist more in now as I continue to walk through this particular point with self judgment I have been in earlier blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not be gentle with myself and care for me in awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as too hard to be aware within breath and focusing on being gentle and taking care of each moment I make to caress me rather then force me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is impossible to slow down and become aware of myself to become gentle and caring with me for real in self awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I don’t know how to become gentle with myself and what that even means.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I don’t deserve gentleness because I am too much in my mind and not focused on what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself that I have never been or even know how to be gentle with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to put the effort in to focus and sit with myself and push through the resistances to give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the gentleness of life as the innocence and fragility of it within what it consists and exsist as, but really the stability and self empowerment that is given to self when self embrace gentleness in its expression of self acceptance.

When and as I see myself go into a point of resisting gentleness and slowing down with myself, I stop and breath, and realize that this is key in becoming stable within myself and finding the self within the mind as awareness.

I commit to slow breathing for a half hour a night and push the awareness of my breath and the touch of my skin to realize and begin to give me the opportunity to let go and become gentle with myself as self-acceptance as this gentleness action I am walking.

I commit to stop the judgment of who I am as gentleness and embrace it as a point of action I can take to bring myself into awareness and stability as the action of gentleness require to see it through to expression brings this to self.

I commit to not give up and walk this through as a gift to myself to stop abuse and embrace me as the equal part of life I am and thus respect this of myself as I give it to myself through being gentle with and for me and thus will have the ability to give to others as I have given it to self.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 287 – Simple Commitments

I am shifting gears for a moment, to write some commitments for myself, simple and relatively easy to apply in terms of them being straightforward and practical, I will write them here to have down and out of my head, and apply them for a month because I see I am accepting resistance in points and I need a bit of an exercise to get me back in the grove of walking consistently.

Here it goes:

1) I commit myself to wake up at 630 each day and take my dog as well as me for a run/walk.
2) I commit myself to do a blog and vlog everyday and do one added blog and vlog on relevant points within supporting and researching the equal money solution per week.
3) I commit myself to walk the DIP Lite responsibilities every night before I sleep.
4) I commit myself to clean for an hour around the house and help with responsibilities of cooking/care/garbage every day.
5) I commit myself to commit to one hour at least a day for DIP responsibilities.
6) I commit myself to one hour a day for transcribing.
7) I commit myself to one sweet a week.
8) I commit myself to run Henri at night or take him for a walk, no more out back.

Ok, here to walk this til May 31 as a point to walk consistent and in stability to support me within my process to come, will update as I go.

Thanks.



For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Check Marlen out here:
Facebook
Youtube
Blog

Day 286 – Self Judgment – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Backchat Dimension

Please reference these blogs for further perspective:
Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye
Day 284 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Commitments to Live – Part 1
Day 285 – Self Judgment – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Corrections to Live Part 2

Looking here at the specific backchat that is involved within this self judgment I hold of my ‘flawed’ eye on the left side, and it is based on the memory of being called a ‘retard’ in school by others and eventually connecting this with the eye that is not perfectly symmetrical on my face. I became very fearful of others, that they would create this judgment of me as how I have judged myself and so I had a very difficult time being with others, because my mind was so loud about how others were thinking of me and how must they think I really have something wrong with me. The backchat was based in this line of thinking, ‘I am flawed’, ‘I have something wrong with me’, ‘everyone see me as dumb, retarded, useless’ ‘I am never going to amount to others, I am too flawed’ ‘look at everyone else they are perfect, look at me I am flawed with this face’ and eventually believing that I indeed had something wrong with me, like that I was never told that I had mental issues, and I was only finding out now because it’s so obvious. So the backchat was always in a way bullying me because I was bullying myself, making me less then others, believing this is who I am, and was using the fear of humiliation by others to continue to exist in such a abusive way towards myself, where eventually my whole view of myself was contorted and I could not really see who I was in the mirror, I only saw all the flaws, all the judgments, all the things wrong with my face, especially this ‘flawed’ eye staring back at me. 

There was much anger and blame towards those kids that called me this, to my parents who created me, to god for creating me to exist, to this world for being so cruel, to my sisters for being perfect and me being the flawed one, I often took my anger out in violence and conflict with others, never would I speak of such thoughts going on in my mind or what was happening within me because I was too proud and didn’t want to seem weak, but this causing me to deal with this alone. I didn’t deal with it, but just suppressed it within me and became very angry at others because I blamed everything and everyone else for me being this way except facing the truth of me doing this to myself. Fuck but man, I was living a nice life, I had everything that I could ever ask for, I never had to worry, I was perfectly healthy and mentally healthy, I excelled at sports, I could problem solve, I did well in school when I applied myself, I could see outside of the box, I was offered dates by males, but I didn't ever see this, I only believed this about myself, that I was flawed, I am not normal, I have something wrong with me, I am less then others, and thus this is how I lived alone within myself, suppressed, and in fear.

But really who was the one who created all these thoughts and backchats in my mind, who accepted and allowed myself to continue the chatter and judgments of myself over years within seeing me as the flawed person, the undeserving and inferior of the group, I did. So the blame and anger towards others was more a defense and protection mechanism for me to avoid these uncomfortable situations with others based on this point of always existing in my mind and not ever considering the physical reality, not being able to communicate because I was never here listening, but in my mind judging myself as my backchat. So it’s a question of not why is this being done to me like I have asked myself for many years, but why am I doing this to myself. Why am I torturing myself, why do I continue to exist within these thoughts that I am less then, not worthy, and it because I didn't want to face my fears, I didn't want to take responsibility for all of it, I didn't want to face myself as the bully, as the judger, and as the mind with all these nasty thoughts about not only myself but everyone else around me. I have created myself as the bullied as well as the bullier, it's all me, and this here lies the solution, understanding this and forgiving all of it to be able to change myself into a being that considers myself as well as all others as equals and does what is best.

Will continue, thanks for reading.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Andrew Gable -

Check Him out here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andrewgableartist
Youtube:http://www.youtube.com/user/andrewgableartist
Blogs: http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com/

Day 285 – Self Judgment – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Corrections to Live Part 2

Please reference these blogs for further perspective:
Day 281 – Self Judgment – The Point I don’t Want to Face
Day 282 – Self Judgment – Fueling the Imprisonment of Self as the Mind
Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye
Day 284 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Commitments to Live – Part 1

When and as I see myself go into a form of resentfulness towards others based on the way of my judgment towards myself as abnormal and them looking normal, I stop and breath, and realize that this is due to my own insecurities and inferiorizing myself based on features of my face that I have defined less then others. I realize this is only going to cause me to live in this cycle of polarities as positive and negative never being stable and thus abusing others based on this resentment I hold.

I commit myself to stop and breath and find why I am going into this point of resentfulness, so then I can realize how to stop it.

I commit myself to stop this point of judgment in polarities to others as good and bad, and learn to accept myself by seeing me equal as life not based on pictures.

I commit myself to stop defining myself by the individual flaws I see in myself and realize I am a physical body and accept myself in wholeness.

I commit to let go of the idea that I am flawed and realize this is my physical form and is keeping me alive.

When and as I see I go into comparison and start separating myself from others do to my mind thoughts of judgment based on this comparison, I stop and breath, and realize that this is going to end in me becoming abusive to myself and others through spite, and so I realize I must stop continuing to exist in comparison as it cause this separation within me and my world due to points that can not be changed.

I commit myself to stop and not accept myself to go into comparison by becoming aware of it and not accepting it to continue.

I commit myself to stop and not go into any point of resentment towards others if I see that I am starting this path of comparison through breathing and using my self will to not participate in this point of judgment and comparison in my world.

I commit to walk the acceptance of my physical and all physicals here by walking the process of correction through self-forgiveness and self commitments until I am here and do not go into judgment but stand in my decision to stop.

When and as I go into definitions of what is normal and what is not and thus start to define society in these terms, I stop and breath, and realize that I am being possessed by the mind within judgment as I am accepting judgment within and as me, I realize that to stop this pattern I must stop existing in this polarity.

I commit to walk all points where I see I go into judgment investigate it, correct it, and direct it into correction when I walk to that point again.

I commit to not accept myself to walk in to judgment and judge my world around me, and thus embrace others as me and grow in understanding of all walks of life that is here in their individuality but always living one and equal with all life.

I commit to walk the path of honoring all life as me in the physical and become in unison with it through acceptance and direction into what is best as I walk this within and as my own physical.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 284 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Commitments to Live – Part 1

Please reference these blogs for further perspective:
Day 281 – Self Judgment – The Point I don’t Want to Face
Day 282 – Self Judgment – Fueling the Imprisonment of Self as the Mind
Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye

When and as I go into a thought of judgment towards my eye and thus make myself inferior or superior to others in my world, I stop and breath, and realize this is a cycle of entrapment as I am being directed by themind within energy activation and addiction, and thus not self directed within walking the principles of my beingness as life in equality and oneness and what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts within breath movement and physical movement until I am stable within myself and am not moved by any thought of judgment of my eye.

I commit myself to walk the acceptance of myself as my eye in focusing on the physical as what it is and how it supports me to see the physical world and how I am life as the physical world within my physical beingness as all of life that is here on this earth.

I commit myself to make strong my eye of the physical in seeing what is really here through breath and thru considering all the life that is here.

I commit to stop the backchat by when it comes breathing and saying no stop, no stop until it is no longer here.

When and as I go into a point of blame towards my eye in seeing it as the problem of why my self interestdesires of being popular and getting attention is not fulfilled, I stop and breath, and realize that I amabdicating the responsibility of myself to life in stopping my self interest to be more then others, breath, and bring myself back to reality through breath and the realization that I am equal and one with the life within all and this polarity desire has got to be transcended.

I commit myself to breath and not accept myself to blame any being outside myself for what it is that I am participating in.

I commit myself to flag this point when I go into to blame and breath through it and not follow it and if I do investigate and see where it is I am abdicating my own responsibility.

I commit myself to stop separating myself into desires, let go of the desires, as I focus and push in my livingequality as I see this is best for all in the end and what is real and will last.

I commit to when I start hiding pieces of myself investigate and write about this, and walk the correction ofacceptance of all of me and stop this point of judgment as it is not real.

When and as I see myself go into a comparison and desire to be seen and liked by those that are normal and thus form a jealousy towards these people because I saw myself as not normal, I stop and breath, and realize what I am doing within this act of comparison and jealousy, I am separating me and life into categories and definitions that are not real but made up in my mind so I can gain something over others in self interest which is not the way to life but death, and I realize that death is the lost of life and really unfortunate as I have wasted my opportunity of full expression of life here within myself and within all, the greatest shame one can manifest as self.

I commit myself to when I see I go into comparison stop and not accept this point, move myself into awareness through realizing my breath and what I am doing here in the physical, and not participate until I can move myself into correction without question.

I commit to move through this comparison point and thus let go of jealousy as I walk the correction of accepting others as myself, when I am with others breath and move to correction by approaching those I resist and finding the equality within the situation and come to resolution.

I commit to come to resolution with those I resist and push the awareness of breath as life as equality among all that walk this earth through pushing it within myself, letting go of the thoughts that separate within myself by not participating.

I commit to let go of the judgment as normal and not normal as this is not the way of life, I breath, and walk the equality as myself in acceptance as I accept myself I will accept all others as self as my principles that I live as one and equal.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye

Please reference these blogs for further perspective:
Day 281 – Self Judgment – The Point I don’t Want to Face
Day 282 – Self Judgment – Fueling the Imprisonment of Self as the Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical eye.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of ‘my eye is so ugly, why does it have to look like this’ direct me into feeling less then others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my eye looks to me as flawed and ugly, and thus allow a feeling of sadness come over me because I realized that this means that I am not going to be able to be the prettiest girl and get all the attention I desired from others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my eye for me not being able to be the prettiest girl within my environment and thus see my eye as the problem for losing out on this opportunity to get the most attention as being the prettiest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and hide my eye within makeup and the way I stood to not have people notice this flaw in my eye because I was afraid they would judge me as how I have judged myself as ugly and not normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others thinking that I was not pretty and thusfear not having friends in my world and the attention that I wanted as being popular, desired, and liked by all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my eye that I saw as not normal in pictures by only having my ‘good’ side show because of fear of people seeing the real way I look, and not wanting to have anything to do with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fix my eye and make it look like everyone else's eye because I judged it as not normal and thus not acceptable because I had no chance of getting what I wanted, to be desired and given attention by everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am flawed, and thus become jealousof all others who I saw as normal or had symmetrical looking faces and thus had no notice of imperfections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and thus judge those with flaws as abnormal and as less then important then those that where normal looking because of my belief of what I can get by being normal looking as my desires would be met, and thus only looked for how I could be this in my world ‘normal’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous of others and their physical features, and thus become rude and angry at them within myself because I resented the fact that I couldn’t have this, I couldn’t be looking normal because I judged my face as abnormal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become resentful of those I compared myself to and saw as better looking then me, and thus imagined what my life would be like, basically better, if I looked like that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and thus become spiteful towards others based on our physical features and designs, and thus desire to be like them and dislike myself even more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine what my life would be like if my eye were just normal looking and thus become resentful towards it for my eye not being normal looking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that my eye is not normal and thus I must be flawed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that those who are not perfect within their look are not the best in society and thus can’t reach their desires in life, which is thus a life wasted and unfulfilled, which I feared greatly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within desire for the perfect look and living in spite and anger towards others because I didn’t have this within my idea of myself and how I saw myself based on judging me as not normal looking and that there was nothing I could do to change this outcome, which caused my resentment towards those that were normal looking become more and more over the years of holding this desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create separation as polarity with myself and life that is here as normal eyes and abnormal eyes, and separate myself from the physical living of being able to see life and the privilege this is within being alive by seeing the eyes in separation to myself as this polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my eyes and my physical body for granted and impose beliefs and ideas on to them that are not real, and energy reactions that harm the physical as anger, jealousy, and resentment based on my own desires for self perfection to gain my self interest in being likedand gaining attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish and not consider the life I am effecting as my physical body, and I forgive myself that I have not seen, realize, nor understood the reality of what it takes to see out of my eyes and live here in this physical existence on earth as a physical human body and a physical eye seeing.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 282 – Self Judgment – Fueling the Imprisonment of Self as the Mind

So the point I am looking at here within this point of self-judgment is when I see someone rub there eyes around me or go and touch their eyes. You may be like what the heck, why does that bother me when someone touches there eyes, and for me there is like a mile long of emotions, memories, and thought patterns that are being activated at times during this point of people rubbing there eyes around me. I mean this seems very unusual and like not important, but this point has been very tough to transcend because of me accepting and allowing my mind to define me within the perception, interpretation, and definitions of who I believed myself to be as what my mind was saying to me specifically within this case when people would rub their eyes around me.

Now my mind is me because of the way I have participated in it, designed it within how I interpreted and kept that which I believed to be me as a definition I would hold of myself and use over and over again in my living, and thus created my external world according to what I was telling myself as my mind in thoughts, pictures, imaginations, and backchats. This is what I have been creating within myself over the years taking bits and pieces of my external environment, moments in time, specific looks, celebrity looks, past memories of abuse, (ect) and carrying this with me like a heavy bag on my back bringing it here to make me feel bad about myself and lock me into the same depression cycle that comes up every time I have this point of someone rubbing there eyes. It’s like this physical point of suppression and depression I exist as within this playout, and it’s based in these memories of being called a retard in school and believing that this point of my eye is a point that makes me this way and why people were calling me this. I believed I was what others were saying to me because of this belief about myself, and thus I put myself as vulnerable to this abuse, attack, and humiliation because I believe I deserved this and this is who I am inferior to others, I accepted and allowed this of myself as within myself I always inherently believed I was less then others. (This is how I saw myself and judged this word 'retard' during this time I am writing about now, I will in blogs to come redefine and look at the attachments I hold to this word, and walk a point of correction once and for all to stop my judgments and separations towards this word and thus those in this world that have to live in this way.)

So this imprisonment feeling I am describing here really started back in school when kids would call me this, and I realized that my eye on the left side is misshaped or not completely symmetrical with my other eye, which created the reason for me being called this and thus this was something that was true then I reasoned. And when these certain people called me retard, I immediately connected this to the shape of my eye and how it is messed up, and so I believed that they were making fun of me based on this point with my eye. So I grew this great resistance to this specific eye and would be very much focused on it within interactions with others in public, and in my mind the thoughts would race, ‘do they think I am ugly?’, ‘do they think I look retarded’, ‘do they see me as inferior to them?’ ‘they are so much more confident and better looking, I am inferior’, so thoughts like this, making myself completely disempowered within my mind because I am only focusing on what my mind is telling me about this point rather then the physical interaction, what is being said, who we are as life, and so I eventually grew to a point where I could barely talk to others in public because I started to see this rubbing of the eyes everywhere I went.

This rubbing of the eyes was a reaction to seeing my face at times because of the way my eye is shaped for others, it is what it is really, but I have accepted this now and realize the insignificance to this or rather the reality of it, but to get to this point of where I am now with accepting it as a reality of myself and that it does in no way define me is miles away from where I was in the past. It was really a decision and a decision I continually have to walk for myself in each breath as at that time I never believed I could move beyond this point.

Because it was a point of a creation of a prison within myself, what I have created as this perception of myself and it was being held in place and thus I was being imprisoned within it through the self judgment I constantly was participating in within myself every day I was living. I was seeing myself through my mind and through the external world of how my mind perceived things. This was the point of enslavement because I was giving my power away to the mind, I was allowing the mind as myself to direct me and tell me who I am, and within this the mind consciousness system used this against myself because the mind is aware and is trying to survive just like me, it’s survives through me as my energy production, so it’s interest is energy not life as me in support. So it’s been quite a road with this point of inferiority and it was continued and fueled over many years through my acceptance and participation of self-judgment. I will walk the more specific points of how I created this imprisonment within my mind and the points where I haven't faced yet due to fear in blogs to come with self forgiveness and self commitments.

Thanks for reading.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 281 – Self Judgment – The Point I don’t Want to Face

So within the past year I have been specifically working with and walking through multiple points and dimensions of self judgment that I have created in relationship to myself, my physical body, and my interactions with others. I had created a possession point within myself with self judgment where I became isolated and could hardly face people because of what was going on within my mind. I have since realized and understood within my investigation of myself as self judgment and great support from desteni sources, that self judgment is my own creation, I am doing this to myself as I am keeping it alive in essence within myself, my thoughts, my backchats, my memories, and thus my living actions. I have found it is based on a point of not wanting to give up my image of control within the image I present as someone who is superior to others. I have always desired to be superior and thus gain power through becoming this image that is presented as superior that I have created in my mind.

This image is created through pictures, media, consumerism, people, past moments, characters I liked, and I use this archive of knowledge and information not only to design me as superior, but also to the design as inferior. I have now defined a specific image and design of what is superior, and now I must live up to that or else I am inferior. So this creating the perfect play out for me to exist within self judgment fueled by comparison in trying to be an image that can not be reached in my mind as superior because it is not real, and thus I torture myself with the play out of self judgment because of me seeing through the mind in self interest and not what is real as the physical as me.

So my image, what I present to others was very important to me and had to be perfect, otherwise I lose my opportunity for what I truly desire and craved, and this attention and admiration from others, this obviously boosted my ego and feeling about myself as superior. So within my mind I had created quite the perfected image and design I had to live up to, and when this design and image was faced in reality, I fell very hard. I will walk this point of a playout that lasted for many years, and open it up and release it within me so I can befree of it, this the point I haven’t wanted to face.

So in my next blog I will start at the pits of this hellish experience I was starting to live out within self judgment that I blamed on others, but realizing now it was all me.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 280 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At – Suppression Self Correction to Live

Check out these blogs for reference to this post:
Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character
Day 277 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At
Day 278 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Yelling at Me -The Shock of a Voice
Day 279 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At - Suppression


When and as I see that I am going into a tension and fear due to a loud voice being expressed by another, I stop and breath realizing that the voice has no effect on me physically such as harming me physical, and thus I can let go of the fear by seeing that it is simply another going into reaction and thus I can remain stable and breath.

I commit myself to stop and do not participate in any reaction of another when I hear loud voices.

I commit myself to focus on who I am as stable in breath and self directed, and move myself into breath and using common sense to direct myself within the situation.

When and as I see myself react into submission when I hear a loud voice, I stop and breath, and realize that this submission is an indication of me going and being directed by fear, where I realize that it is separation and will lead to my self compromise in what I am doing.

I commit myself to flag this point of submission and find what triggered this submission of myself and correct through writing and stopping the trigger from directing me in the physical.

I commit myself to breath and find my stability within myself, embrace myself within this standing, and realize I am able to direct myself and I don’t have to accept this point of loudness as creating fear, it’s simply tone in sound or ask the other to speak softer if possible. I commit to if I react walk away until clear.

When and as I see myself go into a point of self compromise through submitting to fear and allowing others to control me through a sound of voice and accept myself as inferior to them when they are yelling loud at me or around me, I stop and breath, and realize that this is my own creation, I realize I am not fear and it is not something that I physically need to live, I can by moving though fear realizing that I am still here and thus I realize I must stop the fear and submitting to inferiority to thus stand equal with others and find solutions with others that are best.

I commit myself to stop all points of fear and thus stop all submission of inferiority through moving my physical when I see I am going into this point, and push myself to direct the point through making a decision, either facing the other or waiting due to unnecessary consequence possibly being created.

I commit myself to write and direct the point when I see I go into fear or inferiority towards another, and correct this point in my living until I am stable with all walks of life and able to direct myself when ever I face any point that within tonalities of voices.

When and as I see I am going into a memory of my dad yelling with his loud voice and smacking me on my bum because I was in trouble, I stop and breath, and realize this happened in the past and does not define me here, I am not under threat and thus cane make myself use common sense if these points come up of fear of harm through accepting the other and avoiding conflict if possible through removing myself from any point where aggression is a point that might be used.

I commit myself to stop accepting this memory of my dad in fear and tension when I hear a loud male voice, and move to find out what is the cause of the voice and understand it so I can direct myself in what will be best in common sense.

I commit to let go of my desire to be the best or have the last word with others in being loud myself and thus move myself to remove myself from the situation so further conflict and thus consequence can be avoided until I am clear and able to self direct myself in my tone of voice to be in equality not polarity.

When and as I see I am going into a point of defense in myself from a loud voice of a female and connect it to fighting with my mom, I stop and breath, and realize I am here and not in the past, I can move myself and thus direct to stop the memories because I don’t need to fight with anyone but can self direct myself to make decisions in common sense and what will be best for the situation.

I commit myself to stop directing myself in fear and thus going into a defense when I hear a women’s voice in yelling by realizing that is the past and I am here in my breathing, I commit to find my breathing and stop mymind from directing me into defense and protection when I hear a loud women’s voice as it’s simply a being voicing herself loudly.

I commit to walk with others and see why they are yelling and thus find solutions instead of seeing it as an attack.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 279 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At - Suppression

Check out these blogs for reference to this post:
Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character
Day 277 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At
Day 278 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Yelling at Me -The Shock of a Voice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my mind when I hear a load voice yelling and fear I will get into trouble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed into submission as fear when I hear a load voice and thus become docile and forgiving towards that other person regardless of what they are doing to me or to others for them to stop being mad at me or yell at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a compromised position within myself towards others who are yelling as docile and forgiving without understanding or realizing what is the purpose of the yelling and if I can direct it into a best for all solution, but based on fear coward and stop my interactions of expression towards this other and suppress myself to not have to face them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become docile and suppress my expression around others when I hear yelling based on a memory of my dad yelling at me and him making me go to my room with a smack on my rear, and thus tense up and go into a fright when I hear a load voice based on fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of defense and protection of myself when I hear a load voice of a women based on a memory of my mom yelling at me and creating a point of defense of her vs me, and thus when I hear a voice similar I automatically go into this battle mentality and become tense and anxious for this meeting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a rush of anxiety run through my body when I hear a load voice based on seeing that I am less then this person with the loud voice and that I have to submit to them or go into conflict to be able to deal with this person who is yelling at me and get out of this situation which I didn’t care to be in in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed polarities as submit or fight to direct me when another is yelling instead of realizing what I can do in self direction to calm the position of the other down through understanding the other in equal consideration to myself regardless of the tone of there voice and thus direct in common sense for what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist being with people with load voices or whospeak allot due to this fear of being overtaken and having to submit to them and thus feel inferior to them as I am allowing myself to feel this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to those who are loud because I believe that I can’t compete and thus coward to their aggressiveness and not direct the point regardless of my fear or feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed feelings and fear to direct me around another with a load voice instead of assessing the situation in common sense and seeing what direction is necessary to take in what is best and directing any conflict into a solution in equal consideration of all involved.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


Photo Source

Day 278 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Yelling at Me -The Shock of a Voice

Check out these blogs for reference to this post:

Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character
Day 277 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a fright when I hear a high pitched voice in the manner of forceful speaking towards another or myself, and thus within myself go into a restriction and suppression in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the thought of “I am going to be in trouble” when I hear a high pitched voice or scream from another, and thus go into a defense mechanism as tension.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in trouble by another and thus resist this yelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a defense mechanism when I hear my named spoken in a high pitched voice and immediately allow the fear and tension to possess me with a nauseas feeling within my solar plexus area and want to escape the person yelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to the person screaming at me or another in apprehension in a point of defense of being harmed and then immediately look in my thoughts to how I cancompete with this person to be able to do battle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and thus go into defense in a point of seeingthis person yelling as a threat to me in separation rather then seeing this person as me in a state of reaction themselves, and realize the point of my own self correction necessary to resolve the conflict within the other as I have realized for myself which is to see that the conflict is not a solution but walking together in a point of understanding and agreement is, and thus show the other if rather then go against.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my mind as blame and believe that this person is wrong and yelling at me for an unfair reason, and thus immediately resist what is being said to me and not direct the point, but go into reaction towards this person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a sense of relief when I see that I am not the one who is being yelled at and thus feel positive within myself because I avoided point of conflict andpotential harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this positive feeling to make myself feel better about myself and not consider the other whom is being yelled at and not go and find a point of support for this person, but rather avoid them because of fear and it not wanting to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid situations where high voices are being used because of this fear of shock I experienced as a kid when I was yelled at by adults.

When and as I see that I am going into a point of resistance when I hear yelling, I stop and breath, and realize that the yelling of another is not in anyway able or can effect me unless I allow it to.

When and as I see that I am going into fear of the yelling and going into reaction of suppression and defense, I stop and breath, and I realize that the fear is not real it’s only my mind creating this point of fear of harm and the defense of myself is no solution as this cause conflict with myself and the other, I realize I am here and able to direct the situation into a point of solution for myself and others through realizing the other is me and walking what I would want for myself with the other in a point of understanding and support.

I commit myself to let go of the fear and resistance when the yelling is going on through breathing, and continue to breath as the yelling is going focusing on the point that I do not have to be effected by this. I use my common sense and only approach the other if they are calm and can hear what I am saying, always within a point of equality and support for what is best to solve the conflict or tension.

I commit to not approach another in conflict and instigation, but walk in a point of harmony and understanding through my words and demeanor as being non aggressive through not reacting and care.

I commit myself to push non-reaction by using my breath, and focusing on the point of solution and what the issue is within the reason for the yelling in the first place.

I commit myself to continue to direct the situations where I am able to with conflict and find the solutions that will support stability within the group and my self in what will be best for all.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 277 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At

Check out this blog for reference to this post:

Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when another triggers being yelled at, which created a point of inferiority within me in where I saw I needed to regain my standing through using anger to become the strong one again and thus use force through my words or body to get my position of authority back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus resist authority but within myself desire it, and thus create an internal conflict of desire and resistance to the point of authority where I cycle back and forth and never am able to remain here and thus am unable to direct to a point of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be in an authorative position and thus will use what I don’t like done unto me as yelling onto another because I see that this is really the only way to get authority back, but realizing this is not real authority but enslavement through force. Real authority I realize is through controlling self and directing self to be able to manage one’s own authority as self-direction to do what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to take what others say or do to me as an attack on my authority and thus seek revenge based on me taking the other’s yelling at me personal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to become stronger then others to have more power and control over others and so will easily become angered and takes words personally as I have created a certain idea and image of myself as an authoritive person and thus when someone takes this image and doesn’t see the same, I take this personal and seek to use competition to win back my position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen as more then others and thus desire the feelings of superiority and control and power over others, where I am not realizing, seeing, or understanding that taking from another what is already here within both as self direction as our own authrotive will is creating a diminishment within me because I am separating the life that is here as me with the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this disharmony on the one yelling at me when I realize when I bring this blame back to myself I am the one accepting the yelling as a personal attack, when I realize I can breath, let it go, and direct the situation when it is able to be directed or walk away if there is no sign of solution able to be accessed at that time, I am the one taking it personal thus it is my responsibility to stop this and not go into blame as blame is an outflow of self abdication of facing self responsibility and change.

When and as I go into a point of taking another’s yelling towards me personal, I stop and breath, and realize I do not need to go into reaction but can direct myself through breathing, letting go of the point of taking the yelling personal through taking responsibility for my reactions by stopping them, and direct the point into solution that is best for all.

When and as I go into a point of reacting in anger or blame towards another, I stop and breath, and realize that this is a point of outflow of taking the mind as a personal attack and thus wanting to abdicate my responsibility within my creation of creating the point of blame and anger within myself, as I realize I created it through my own permission, so I realize I can simply let it go as this is an outflow of reaction within the other as yelling, and direct myself as the situation through taking responsibility of myself and directing the point into a resolution that will calm the situation down and create harmony through understanding as equals if this is possible.

I commit myself to stop and breath when I see point of reaction come up within me when someone yell at me, see what is being said in awareness of the equality within us and through taking self responsibility, and direct the point if there is a stable situation to do so for an outcome that will benefit both.

I commit myself to see when I go into an anger or blame reaction, to stop, and write out the point of what I am blaming or becoming angry at if I don’t see it in that moment to immediately correct, if I am able to I push to stop reacting and bring the point to correction through immediate action, or flag it and open it up in writing when I am able to to be understood through self forgiveness and self commitments.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character

Within this character, I have found a point of resistance and anger as well as fear being hidden within it, thus having to face that which I fear as other humans who are apparently in my perception stronger and more smart then me. I am first going to look at this within memories I am holding as a kid of interactions with people of authority and how I reacted, and thus how this shaped myself in relationship to people of authority throughout my life.

As a kid, I disliked being yelled at, it made me feel scared within myself, like a shock, and within being yelled at I always felt less about myself because I attached being yelled at as me doing something wrong and being caught and called out and thus this made me feel less then I did before I got caught.

Being caught doing something wrong was not a thing I wanted to have happen because within myself I always wanted to be seen as the best child and have all people like me, even the adults, and when I found someone yell at me, I did not like this because this image I held of myself was thus squashed. I also obviously didn’t like to have to be in trouble or punished for things that I desired to do and that to me where not bad, but with authority they had the prerogative to decide for themselves if it was bad or not, and thus the authority to punish me. This I resisted having others have the authority to punish me without my understanding or permission because why the hell should someone who is older have this power, but then the fear of facing them and standing up would render me into their control and direction. I also questioned myself and who I was because at that time I didn’t know, and thus I did see myself as bad and wrong because these authorities were saying so, but within me at times I didn’t see I was doing wrong and didn't understand why I was being screamed at, so also a confusion grew within me about being yelled at and said this is bad when within myself it didn’t seem bad and thus didn’t make sense. Reaction to the screaming voice instantly created anger because it brought fear and thus this fear made me want to seek revenge on who created this in me in the first place because it wasn't pleasant.

I also had/have a big ego as I like the rewards and attention one gets when they are seen as the best, and so I wanted to be the best and thus have others see me in this way as much as possible, so I would easily resist anything anyone would say to me especially those in authority positions, like parents, teachers, coaches, if the were saying things that didn’t conclude to me being the best, and so I just didn’t want to hear what they had to say at all. I knew myself, I knew what I had to do, and I didn’t need anyone yelling at me and telling me what to do, so really just fuck off please, I am not listening to you, you are so annoying type of attitude. When authority figures would yell at me I grew accustom to just ignoring or attack, like I wouldn’t even hear what they were saying, when I was yelled at and made to feel like I was doing something wrong, or I would attack and go into a defense because I had to defend my honor, me desires for the rewards of being the best or popular, and so I would at any cost easily cut down my enemies which usually turned out to be people in authority if they tried and questioned or changed the outcome I desired of being the best and thus getting what I wanted.

Another point that I find with being with authority figures is when I am yelled at by another, I will go into embarrassment, it's an immediate reaction at times say if I was caught off guard or red handed doing something 'wrong', and I would feel embarrassed to be put in that position by this person who yelled at me. This embarrassment would activate anger within me and this is what fueled the defense mechanism as defending myself and seeing the authority as my enemy. Like I am being bombarded by authority and they were making me feel uncomfortable, so they deserve to pay, and I would fight immensely towards them sometimes directly like with my mom or passively like with my coaches, to prove that I am right and they are the ones who fucked up and stepped too much beyond my boundary of acceptability  My ego did not like to be embarrassed and/or wronged, and especially by another imperfect human trying to tell me that I am bad and they are better then me, and then making me uncomfortable within this. Nope, they were going to have to pay for this, and so I would just go into conflict and create a scene.

But within all of this my mind was split and I was not stable with who I really was, I had no idea who I was or what I really was looking for or defending as I saw within myself how flawed I was acting and abusive as well, so I just went from inferior to superior and back again and thus cycling with others who where doing the same. Never changing and never satisfied, and so always in conflict in my world. I will continue more and write this one out in blogs to come to correct this and thus be stable in my own self direction in the principle of what is best for all. Thanks.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki