Anger towards parents Sf - Day 18

 Anger towards my parents 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at my parents for having me and in this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for the decisions i have made in my life causing me to have hardship and failure, relieving stress and pain through blame and anger as energy releases through this blame and anger, but i see, realize, and understand it does not stop the anger/blame and thus conflict, but only perpetuates it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately blame and become angry at my parents because they brought me in this world and so in this i become spiteful toward them because i myself do not want to take responsibility for the messes in my life i have created and so say things like 'i wish you did not have me' to my parents where i want them to suffer as i believe i have for them bringing me into this world. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame and so abdicate my responsibility for the choices and decisions i made to get me into a point of pain where i myself see, realize, and understand brought me to this point, and that i can not blame others outside myself as i understand i am the one walking my own life, i am the one making the decisions and have the self power to do what is self honest in the moment or not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to praise my parents when it suits me to where i feel empowered based on ego desires that are giving me a sense of accomplishment or pride based on family/parent accomplishments, where in a  desire to be seen in a positive light and o see my parents/family in a positive light as this makes me feel worthy/important and thus i receive the energy of goodness without having to actually create it as myself where i actually live in a way that is worthy of life and prideful in myself for walking the self honest path that is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this anger and blame move into hate where i grow a form of hatred toward my parents for not securing my path in this world and guaranteeing success, when i see, realize, and understand practically my parents did the best they could with what they had and what they new of in the space and time they were in.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my parents as the reason for my flaws/failures instead of taking responsibility for these failures/flaws and working with changing them, processing them in practical self change to make them become stronger as this is practically what can be done with what is here and that my parents are not able to change anything for me, i realize, see, and understand i can only change these points of weaknesses myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents for their flaws/failures and see them as less then others/me based on these points, and i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents where i see them as the root of my failure as i came from them instead of recognize the gift i was given in this life as life and what they did to keep me alive, and secure to have a life and have the ability to walk my process and opportunity to create here.

When and as i see myself going into the desire to think thought patterns about how i am disturbed by my parents, i stop and breath, and go into humbleness and gratefulness for them doing their best with what they had and giving me what they could for me to have a secure platform to live my life from and create with opportunity. I commit myself to stop going into thoughts about my parents, breathe, and live the word self responsibility and self movement where i start moving myself physically to make my flaws such as addictions into self discipline and become stronger in these.

I commit myself to stop judging my parents and stand in their shoes to see where they are at, and support them to be there best self as how i would like if i was in their shoes, i commit myself to see my parents as equals, and walk in oneness as i correct myself first and stop abdicating my responsibility to energy and the mind. I commit myself to live the word humbleness as i see i am also flawed and have weaknesses like all, and so i am an equal as i also am not perfect, thus i work with my own self perfection as one and equal as all life. 

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What’s Best for all or Self Interest as Destruction? An Example - Day 553

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Here i am seeing a pattern I have walked with people in my life that has been consequential where for myself, I have become less adapt at moving in my environment. I am seeing this restriction in lets say the flow of who I am is based on not wanting to compromise or more cooperate with what is here, the physical reality. The principles are clear in what makes for a harmonious reality, which is live in what is best for all, considered all things and keep what is good, stand in the shoes of another as the other is equal to self, and do onto another as how you would want to be treated, though I have to live these principles to in fact stand as them.

For myself not compromising or not cooperating with reality where i do not live these principles above, I am essentially defying reality, not moving in a way that is supportive of this physical reality and so everything in it, which doesn’t make sense as a part of life to live in such a way. Now if I pull this out to lets say a global context, where I walk a self interested path of not cooperating and so not standing within the principles I shared above of what is best for all, I could be responsible for the harm of many. For example, say my job was to add filters to all the water pipes in the world, that will filter out the deadly bacteria that resides in this water, once it goes through these filters, the water is pure and all who drink are well. I have to change these filters three times a year to keep everyone in the world getting access to clean water.

Now this is a lot of responsibility, and this work is routine and boring to me, I am having these emotions come up, I want to quit, I am so bored, though I know if I miss a filter change, I am going to cause many to die due to the bacteria leaking in to the pure water. What do I do?

Here what would the common sense dictate, I have redefined the word common sense to mean sense to be the physical thus all here as life and common to be what is best for all, so here common sense is what is best for all in this physical reality for all here, which is everybody and everything. And obviously what is best in this hypothetical scenario I shared above is keeping everyone healthy and harm free as this is what I would want for myself, fulfilling the principles of life as doing what’s best for all. Life being the physical as the physical is what is real, real is the reality we live in in each moment, what is actually happening direct, real time, here, in the physical of ourselves and all around. So it’s simplistic in a way to understand all of this, though to live it is a different story. Understand that each one is walking this process of realizing that our actions in reality have an effect on not only ourselves, but in fact on everyone we touch and beyond as those whom you touch go and touch others and so forth and so on.

So for me to go into self interest and not stand in the shoes of another and do what is best for all, it’s like I am poisoning and killing myself as I infect my environment equally so with this self interest of self desires coming before the common good of all. We believe when we move in our environment, we do not have an effect on it, though observe children, they are copies of our every move and who do children grow up to be, the adults of this world, the world has never changed, why is this so, because we have never changed how we have been living in a real, substantial way, where ALL LIFE is considered absolutely through living self responsibility for the whole. We are living from a reality that is not real, which is from thinking and our minds, emotional states and reactions of self interest. We are in a day and age, where this is changing, we are now being asked and in essence made to decide here by life as we ask ourselves, who are we as we see the death of billions every year because of not having access to basic human rights such as clean water. So unfortunately the hypothetical I used is a reality for billions, where their end is forced as they don’t have the physical means to do anything about it, mainly access to money in this world.

So it’s an understanding that when I do not want to compromise or cooperate with the physical reality I live in and support what is best for all, I will create equal to this and the reality you live in will start to show this to self. Life is aware and everything existent within it is equal and one, so we humans are not alone, we are part of this world not the dominator of it, it’s time to consider what we are creating and decide who self is within this and live. This is each one’s walk and path, who you are will determine your future, so make it count. This is the path I am walking and I stand for life and nothing less then what is best, we walk physical reality in what is here, so we can create a world that is best for all for real, with real solutions, through self responsible actions in directing the outcome to be what is best for all. It is time, no more waiting. So let’s walk together, create together with the principles of life and so let’s create life and honor who we are as beings.

For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Living Words Process and Support:
https://www.facebook.com/schoolofultimateliving/

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Self Supportive Material -
www.Eqafe.com

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
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Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
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The Sorrow of the Human Being: Who is I - Part 2 - Day 549

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Within this point of looking at the current state of the human being, I will bring this point back to myself, back to the personal, back to who I am as the state of myself as a human being, and through this share my self and my experiences and realizations of how I have understood and so came to be who I am here today.

For many years, most of my life, I have been in a way feeling as if i am a shell of a person, the experience of myself internally was sort of like a self contained prison in a way, and this prison was constantly moving and changing, though always existing in the same way, like patterns that would repeat. I would get some pleasure once and a while, but this pleasure was distorted and confusing as I learned that pleasuring myself and pleasure in general was not the norm, and there was certain types of pleasures that were bad and not to be openly discussed and enjoyed, such as the pleasure of exploring my physical body or enjoying a piece of cake, it was always filled with a threat of some sort of harm being done on to me either with a stigma attached to self or a consequence that was unpleasant and looked down upon by others.

So I never actually truly enjoyed myself as pleasure, but was in sort of like a fog and constant fear of having these memories I had in my mind of the worst case scenarios keep popping up, haunting me in a way while investigating and exploring this part of myself as i was growing up. This also then formed into the imaginations and fantasies of creating pleasure in my mind, what i could do or where i could go and how i could live all in the confines of my own mind, but again this was never actually materialized thus it was a constant loop system with no tangible value created in the physical, that when i did get a chance to experience something pleasurable in reality it becomes an extreme, something i desired, something i craved, and then an addiction would be formed. An addiction is another prison as a point of self propulsion to something that i wasn't in control of because i didn't know why i was creating it and thus it became very difficult to stop it, seemingly impossible actually.

And here is where the consequences of such interaction with myself, my enviroment, and my internal world as my mind became prison like, this was due to the emotional experiences that i let infiltrate my being and take me on a ride that all who can relate, would really like to get off of. Yet, we can not, it’s a ride that continues, and continues, and continues, and every where we go and every one we meet are all on this same ride though we do not have any clue how to get off because we have no clue what we are in fact doing and we do not have the full capacity to know as it was designed to be this way. We are caged to our own internal selves, some cope well with this in society as society has been designed in such a way to cater to the enslavement of the beings that accept and allow it.

This we have all done and all participated in over eons of time, though on this planet it has become physical, we are here within a prison in our own selves, our own making, and we can even see the physical manifestations we have created to show to ourselves who we are as actual physical prisons we send ourselves to. And I can attest to this as i have lived it as i am sure we all can relate to this, and this anguish is energy in motion, it’s this ride, it’s the ups and downs, the explosions and the regrets, the fear and the remorse, the beliefs and the bullied, and so much more, we are seeking the good, the positive and avoiding, resisting, and running away from the negative. I am running away from myself, this inner turmoil, this cage, this prison, and within this running I am running straight towards it. What a vicious game you may say? It depends what your starting point is and always realize there is solutions, we are always capable of living and creating solutions that is a fact, though by the will of self it will be done.

What i haven’t understood for most of my life and the principles that govern life, and this life I speak of is the eternal life that has always existed, the life that resides within all, the life that is our physical world and the breath of life of each one. What i haven't understood was who i am, i never actually looked at this question, and within that i never believed that i could do anything to change my life. Though what i did know and could understand within me was there was a fire, be it small, yet it was here and it was burning in side of me. It was like an inner calling of my insides, something deep inside me, and this is the quest i have been seeking solutions for and so i started asking questions - the QUEST to Solutions. And this is when i found my saving grace, I found myself, and my self's ability to stand up within myself and change for the better. This has changed everything for me and everything about me, I am humbled by the understanding and also passionate about the change that is taking place internally and thus externally in my world because as within self so without. This is a principle of life.

As is said in the above eqafe interview quotation, ‘equality and oneness and what is best for all can become the saving grace of humanity’, so the solution is here, life is here, and self is here, the human being though has a process to walk to align back to life as we have de-manned ourselves through abdication of ourselves as a responsible being to ourselves and so to all life.  We must face our consequences, each and every one yet all equally and build again, stand before all life in humbleness and humility, and walk again in a structure and flow that never again allows what has been lived and existed in this earth as the horror and abuse. It is the time to stand for life within self and so within all that we are honorable and we honor ourselves and so prove this within our lives, our living, and in our world. The time is here and living solutions is at our fingertips, we just have to take action and this we is me.

For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Self Supportive Material -
www.Eqafe.com

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004

More on Living the Word PEACE - Day 546

Living the word Peace, which I have defined as a reference to be peace - p = patiences, e= emerging, ace = grace. So here it’s peace = patiences emerging as grace. Patiences I have redefined to be paying attention to the essence of life that always exist here in equality and oneness, and grace i have redefined to be grateful pace, which is complimentary to both the words patiences and peace as this grateful pace as grace is a slow, awareness of self, where i become aware of my breath, my movements in my body, and the movements of my world and within this live in an appreciation of the intricacy and majestic nature that is life itself living. Here i have also found that patiences is key because to become aware of what is here and get a point of understanding others and self within it all it takes a patiences of self. I have been practicing this because there is a lot to learn in a way, a lot to practice, a lot to substantiate within self, though this all can be done with a grace and a peace. So this balance of these practices in living words has been a supportive platform to live in more self awareness and awareness of my enviroment becoming integrated in realizing everything that is here is self.

Here it has been fascinating because I am starting to open myself up more to my enviroment, what can i learn about myself and what can i create and live to support others equally as how i would want to be supported, where I am taking notice more of the small, the simple, yet complex and always learning and growing within it as my self. And these principles are also foundational for me in my living, I always have these principles of equality and oneness and what is best for all at the forefront of everything I do as a reminder and a stamp so to speak of how I will live, how I will create, and who I will be as i move myself in my reality. This as a reminder until I am naturally living it as myself, and over time as I practice, these principles and living start to imprint and I start to live it more and more naturally. Though, my mind as the separation that I have accepted and allowed of myself is always here in a sense where I am still walking my process of self honesty, self forgiveness, and self change. I am seeing that within myself that specific words are also supportive to stand through challenge times or overwhelming times where i want to give into emotions or an experience and live out my separation. So in living the word peace i have found in a way I have more and more started to live in this state within myself as I understand myself and more importantly as i correct myself in my living.

But the moments my mind does come in with thoughts where i could be energized by say anger energy and impatiences, living the words peace where it is a solution point of what I want to create for myself instead of the anger, I also am seeing as I transition to this state of being as peace as my solution, I am having to in this moment of the trigger and my decision to either live a word of support or go into the energy and potential for abuse, I have to stand within living words such as integrity, commitment, and honor of life, so these are like reminder words or words I focus on in that moment of decision where I am triggered, am I going to go into it or can i live these words I have put in place to remind me of who I am, where I stand within myself, and what I want to create for myself and this is what i live.

I have also redefined these specific words as well, integrity being my internal grit, where when I live this word I check my inner core and I pull all my muscles tight and I stand up within this core of myself, like a directive decision to stand up straighter inside myself, and I make the decision to let go of the thoughts, state within myself who I am as life, as honor, as integrity, as my commitment to what is best for all life, and I decide to live the word peace, which is where I become patient with myself and others in my world and release the energy hold with a breath. When i release, I see what can i do to support the others and myself to find solutions in this moment and there is solutions that’ll come up automatically as there is always solutions for problems/issues if you are looking for them or you in fact just create them in that moment with using common sense and practical problem solving skills we all have.

So living the word peace has been in a way a stand within myself that I am directing myself to live and move as me as I face challenging moments in my life where i have that decision to decide who I am. I find speaking within myself that I do not accept and allow this thought to direct me, I live integrity here and I live peace, and this will create the movement of being at peace and moving in integrity because I have indeed lived with integrity walking what is best for all rather then giving into my mind and creating abuse in moments and the gift with living in such a way is a state of living in peace cause I created it for myself in real time.


For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Self Supportive Material -
www.Eqafe.com

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004

Consequence and Desteni-I-Process - Day 524

In this audio recording I describe what I have learned about how to walk consequence in a way that supports me to become more in control of my life, this through walking the desteni i process. The tools I have been supported with in this course has helped me walk my day to day through understanding what consequences are, stop my reactions to them, and how to change myself to live in more stability as I live my life.

Thanks for listening and please share any discussion points you may have.

More links to support:

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material -
http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support:
http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

The Challange of Self Responsibility - Day 523

Here I explain what I have walked within becoming self responsible in my life. What are the challenges and how did I support myself to move through them. What is the benefit of living in such a way.


More links to support:

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material -
http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support:
http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Is Self Pity Ever Relevant? - Day 388

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Featured Artist: Andrew Gable 

Please reference for context to this blog:

The Starting Point of My Day Will Be the Starting Point of My Way – Day 387

Self pity creates a point of compromise and abdication of responsibility in one's world based on the belief that self is a victim to one's reality, but where the real power lies is taking responsibility for yourself in your world and so giving yourself the point of power by understanding what is real and so changing it in an actual way as you live with and as it to be better for all. A point of relevance as it's not really a point one want to continue in without self responsibility and self direction, is a point of using it as a gift to see where one is falling in one's reality to emotions and thoughts of victimization, and using this experience of self pity as a cross-reference to see when one is allowing this in one's world. It's quite helpful to stop the automated nature of the mind as it exists in these energy addictions that we can exist in, so self pity can be a gift to support to move oneself to self awareness and then eventually to self change. Here I walk some self forgiveness and self commitments to correct this relationship to self pity with and as myself and so my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that others are causing me harm in my world and I am a victim to this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out my anger and frustration against myself for not standing up within myself and treating others as  I would like to be treated, but instead continue to live in the abuse through the emotions I allow to direct me towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wallow in my own self pity and become hopeless within myself and so within this fear blame others for what I see is out of my control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted the external reality of my self to effect me within a negative connotation as hopeless instead of realizing I can direct it the best I can and then allow it to be as I can only do my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wallow within a belief that I am out of control within my reality and I feel like I am going to lose the stability that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another being of the way I am experiencing myself within a point of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to direct me into a self pity and blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy emotions as pity and anger to direct me instead of breathing and remaining physical as a support to find solutions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in conflict with others rather then help and see where I can support them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my fear of loss onto others that I see are ‘weak’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to judge another as weak within a comparison of who I am in my physical environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as strong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to create a polarity cycle of my reality at work where I try and win and others lose, creating both and accepting both to exist when I realize I can stop this polarity and support solutions that will support all in common sense.

When and as I see I go into a fear and self pity and so blame others in a projection to not face myself, I stop and breath, and realize that this will only compromise the way in which I will walk and direct my physical reality and create my reality in a beneficial way where I am stable and so create the point of stability the best I am able to with others.

I commit to let go of emotions of anger and self pity towards the world I live in.

I commit to stop blaming others.

I commit to move myself when I see I am going into comparison, and find a point where I can support the other as I would myself.

I commit to walk equal with my environment and move through desires to create a polarity of winning and losing.

Eqafe Interviews Recommend for Topic Support:

Self Pity: Understanding Self Pity - Atlanteans - Part 142
Self Pity: Starting to Let Go - Atlanteans - Part 143
Self Pity: Nature & Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 144
Self Pity: The Gift - Atlanteans - Part 145

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Day 287 – Simple Commitments

I am shifting gears for a moment, to write some commitments for myself, simple and relatively easy to apply in terms of them being straightforward and practical, I will write them here to have down and out of my head, and apply them for a month because I see I am accepting resistance in points and I need a bit of an exercise to get me back in the grove of walking consistently.

Here it goes:

1) I commit myself to wake up at 630 each day and take my dog as well as me for a run/walk.
2) I commit myself to do a blog and vlog everyday and do one added blog and vlog on relevant points within supporting and researching the equal money solution per week.
3) I commit myself to walk the DIP Lite responsibilities every night before I sleep.
4) I commit myself to clean for an hour around the house and help with responsibilities of cooking/care/garbage every day.
5) I commit myself to commit to one hour at least a day for DIP responsibilities.
6) I commit myself to one hour a day for transcribing.
7) I commit myself to one sweet a week.
8) I commit myself to run Henri at night or take him for a walk, no more out back.

Ok, here to walk this til May 31 as a point to walk consistent and in stability to support me within my process to come, will update as I go.

Thanks.



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Marlen Vargas Del Razo

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