Gift’s in Life: My Relationship with Henri - Day 456

I am going to start a new series to bring to the awareness of myself the many gifts I have been given and are given in life, so much of my mind and self is occupied on the negative parts of life, but not so much is looked and realized in the gifts that are ever present here in life if I but become aware of them. This we all can do and I will open this point up more for myself so I can become more clear in what this means for me as this was brought up in a leadership chat I participated in today. The topic was about when someone passes for instance that is close to you, we normally focus on the loss of the person or animal, which is relevant and ok for grieving purposes, but also to realize and remember that the life that was lived (in this instance) had gifts within it one can learn from and live within their own lives, which honors the person/pet that lived and supports others to do the same.  So it was a cool point and interesting as I so much have been focusing on the lose/death/unknown of life not realizing and seeing that there is life here as gifts that are real and practical and can be learned to support with solutions to grow and expand as ourselves as life. 

So my first relationship that I want to open up this point with is one that I can say is individual or personal to myself/alone and different in the sense that it’s not riddled with emotional and feeling energy in the way of drama/entertainment/extravaganza as human relationships can go so to say, this relationship is with Henri my dog. Everyone that knows me knows how much Henri means to me and how close we are with each other, I have made him my companion since the day I got him when he was 8 weeks old and have been with him every since. Though he is an animal, it’s been a unique relationship because of this very fact, he is an animal and is not like a human, so for me it’s a different vintage point, a different perspective, a different way of living that I align with very nicely and I enjoy immensely.

I am not pure within this relationship as I can see my dependency on him at times where I will go to him for comfort or to have a moment of ‘escape’ of the pressures that are existing in the ‘human’ world so to speak, and so there are points I must walk through still to support myself to be stable here with humans and animals alike. With Henri there is an aspect of care I enjoy as I am responsible for his care and he depends on me for it, so he is supporting me to give as I would like to receive every day I am with him and this supports a lot with expansion in self giving and releasing self interest. So we support each other in different ways though there is a stability and equality existed within it as we walk together which is quite in interesting point to live in this way. He stands as a point of stability for a moment for me to see what that in fact means, all animals in there own way stand as this point I have found, most all of the one’s I have met from horses, to chickens, to birds, to cats, there is a sense of groundedness as well as the fact that they are physical, they are here, they are simple in terms of their requirements in living though they all have a unique expression and life within them that is very real and natural.

One point specific with Henri that I wanted to bring up here that is more a prominent gift he has shown me is the unconditional way in which he approaches others in my life. Many if not all dogs do have this aspect about them where they will approach most people without any hesitation, if they sense something’s off, they will hesitate in terms of danger or something in this line, but the people I have had a hard time with for instance in my personal life, he unconditional approaches and supports the person with his expression, and this does not change from one to the next. Regardless of what and how the person behaves or acts, Henri in these moments shows me what it means to be unconditional because when I see this and realize it when it’s happening, I say to myself ‘man, he just goes up and plays/has fun, loves on, and supports them’, there is no thought, no emotion or judgment, it just is a stable approach of enjoyment/play/fun as his expression without regard of who the person is in the sense of how I would approach them with thoughts, judgements, reactions, I couldn’t fathom the thought of doing what Henri does at times when it’s hectic.

So out of a lot of gifts I have been given with Henri on this path together for a moment, the unconditonalness of his expression is one that has had more of an impact on me because of the fact that I don’t see anything like this anywhere in the ‘human’ world. It’s so pure and innocent, so it’s an awesome example and gift I have been given through Henri’s expression in this case of what this looks like and how to live it. It’s a process obviously to stand as this point, but it is possible as the animal demonstrates here for example, and in blogs to come I will walk self forgiveness and self commitments on this point of uncondtionalness for more clarity and specificity on how to live this, but this to open the point up.

Thanks for reading!

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Living Self Courage – Trust in Self – Day 430

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So I am finding more and more this ‘trusting in my self’ to be a true statement. I often want to put trust into others and create a hope that things will turn out well and turn out the way I desired, but 9 out of 10 times it simply doesn’t. I find the most efficient and opportunistic method forward has been moving through resistances and putting trust within myself that I will be able to walk in the moment here and face and direct whatever comes. As I realize and most I am sure can relate, we have no effect on what is to come, we can not predict the future, so creating and building this trust with myself stand’s as a foundation for how I will and am able to move within my living reality in each and every moment I will face which is key to live beyond my fears and what I believe I can't do. I have found though that it’s an actual will to move meaning it doesn't come automatic with nice feelings and entertainment because of the patterns of self sabotage that i have existed within for so much of my life. Facing one’s fears and moving through resistance has not yet gotten easy, it requires self discipline and self determination to move through, but I have found and what helps ease a bit the motion of this movement that has to be done is the expansion that comes out of making the effort.

Here again the future can’t be predicted so one has to be ready for anything and accepting whatever comes is another tool that I have found supports to continue to progress within the action of living self courage. This is a process I have found, a learning process that can not be thought up in the mind, like the mind always makes reality into something that is glittery and glammed up or very scary and treacherous, but in actuality it is sometimes really great and sometimes really not, but all in all it is unpredictable and very interesting to say the least. Usually I have found when applying this point of facing fears and moving through resistances, it is never how I had thought it would be, and I am usually surprised at what comes out of the moments I push within. Always there is a gift for me that emerges, and usually in the form of expanding myself and or supporting others to do the same.

And always the journey continues and th challenges continue, but I have learned what matters within the time i am living in these moments is who am I going to be? And this is the most enjoyable part, I can decided in each moment who I am, no one can tell or make me be a specific way, I have my own will to do and live how I want to live. So it's important you live in a way you will be proud of and support others within because we are all here together, and it's our responsibility to bring about what is best for all. If you look in self honesty, you will see the direction that is needed to be walked. 

Though for the point of this blog, i have found to live self trust I have to apply and continue to commit myself to live self courage and push through my fears by applying the tools of self forgiveness, self correction, and breathing in the moment, and never giving up, no matter what, always keep walking and doing my best and supporting others to do the same. Before you know it you are where you believed you would never be, you live the apparent impossible, and so expand yourself in to new heights through your own self will, and that is truly inspiring.

Will continue in my next blog. Thanks.

Interview Support on the topic of self courage:

You Will Never Let Go - Quantum Mind Self Awareness
Can't Let Go: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 229
Can't Let Go: Transform Your Memories - Atlanteans - Part 230
Can't Let Go: Giving Up - Atlanteans - Part 231
Can't Let Go: Traumatic Memories - Atlanteans - Part 232
Can't Let Go: One-Dimensional Memories - Atlanteans - Part 233

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Day 277 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At

Check out this blog for reference to this post:

Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when another triggers being yelled at, which created a point of inferiority within me in where I saw I needed to regain my standing through using anger to become the strong one again and thus use force through my words or body to get my position of authority back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus resist authority but within myself desire it, and thus create an internal conflict of desire and resistance to the point of authority where I cycle back and forth and never am able to remain here and thus am unable to direct to a point of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be in an authorative position and thus will use what I don’t like done unto me as yelling onto another because I see that this is really the only way to get authority back, but realizing this is not real authority but enslavement through force. Real authority I realize is through controlling self and directing self to be able to manage one’s own authority as self-direction to do what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to take what others say or do to me as an attack on my authority and thus seek revenge based on me taking the other’s yelling at me personal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to become stronger then others to have more power and control over others and so will easily become angered and takes words personally as I have created a certain idea and image of myself as an authoritive person and thus when someone takes this image and doesn’t see the same, I take this personal and seek to use competition to win back my position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen as more then others and thus desire the feelings of superiority and control and power over others, where I am not realizing, seeing, or understanding that taking from another what is already here within both as self direction as our own authrotive will is creating a diminishment within me because I am separating the life that is here as me with the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this disharmony on the one yelling at me when I realize when I bring this blame back to myself I am the one accepting the yelling as a personal attack, when I realize I can breath, let it go, and direct the situation when it is able to be directed or walk away if there is no sign of solution able to be accessed at that time, I am the one taking it personal thus it is my responsibility to stop this and not go into blame as blame is an outflow of self abdication of facing self responsibility and change.

When and as I go into a point of taking another’s yelling towards me personal, I stop and breath, and realize I do not need to go into reaction but can direct myself through breathing, letting go of the point of taking the yelling personal through taking responsibility for my reactions by stopping them, and direct the point into solution that is best for all.

When and as I go into a point of reacting in anger or blame towards another, I stop and breath, and realize that this is a point of outflow of taking the mind as a personal attack and thus wanting to abdicate my responsibility within my creation of creating the point of blame and anger within myself, as I realize I created it through my own permission, so I realize I can simply let it go as this is an outflow of reaction within the other as yelling, and direct myself as the situation through taking responsibility of myself and directing the point into a resolution that will calm the situation down and create harmony through understanding as equals if this is possible.

I commit myself to stop and breath when I see point of reaction come up within me when someone yell at me, see what is being said in awareness of the equality within us and through taking self responsibility, and direct the point if there is a stable situation to do so for an outcome that will benefit both.

I commit myself to see when I go into an anger or blame reaction, to stop, and write out the point of what I am blaming or becoming angry at if I don’t see it in that moment to immediately correct, if I am able to I push to stop reacting and bring the point to correction through immediate action, or flag it and open it up in writing when I am able to to be understood through self forgiveness and self commitments.


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Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character

Within this character, I have found a point of resistance and anger as well as fear being hidden within it, thus having to face that which I fear as other humans who are apparently in my perception stronger and more smart then me. I am first going to look at this within memories I am holding as a kid of interactions with people of authority and how I reacted, and thus how this shaped myself in relationship to people of authority throughout my life.

As a kid, I disliked being yelled at, it made me feel scared within myself, like a shock, and within being yelled at I always felt less about myself because I attached being yelled at as me doing something wrong and being caught and called out and thus this made me feel less then I did before I got caught.

Being caught doing something wrong was not a thing I wanted to have happen because within myself I always wanted to be seen as the best child and have all people like me, even the adults, and when I found someone yell at me, I did not like this because this image I held of myself was thus squashed. I also obviously didn’t like to have to be in trouble or punished for things that I desired to do and that to me where not bad, but with authority they had the prerogative to decide for themselves if it was bad or not, and thus the authority to punish me. This I resisted having others have the authority to punish me without my understanding or permission because why the hell should someone who is older have this power, but then the fear of facing them and standing up would render me into their control and direction. I also questioned myself and who I was because at that time I didn’t know, and thus I did see myself as bad and wrong because these authorities were saying so, but within me at times I didn’t see I was doing wrong and didn't understand why I was being screamed at, so also a confusion grew within me about being yelled at and said this is bad when within myself it didn’t seem bad and thus didn’t make sense. Reaction to the screaming voice instantly created anger because it brought fear and thus this fear made me want to seek revenge on who created this in me in the first place because it wasn't pleasant.

I also had/have a big ego as I like the rewards and attention one gets when they are seen as the best, and so I wanted to be the best and thus have others see me in this way as much as possible, so I would easily resist anything anyone would say to me especially those in authority positions, like parents, teachers, coaches, if the were saying things that didn’t conclude to me being the best, and so I just didn’t want to hear what they had to say at all. I knew myself, I knew what I had to do, and I didn’t need anyone yelling at me and telling me what to do, so really just fuck off please, I am not listening to you, you are so annoying type of attitude. When authority figures would yell at me I grew accustom to just ignoring or attack, like I wouldn’t even hear what they were saying, when I was yelled at and made to feel like I was doing something wrong, or I would attack and go into a defense because I had to defend my honor, me desires for the rewards of being the best or popular, and so I would at any cost easily cut down my enemies which usually turned out to be people in authority if they tried and questioned or changed the outcome I desired of being the best and thus getting what I wanted.

Another point that I find with being with authority figures is when I am yelled at by another, I will go into embarrassment, it's an immediate reaction at times say if I was caught off guard or red handed doing something 'wrong', and I would feel embarrassed to be put in that position by this person who yelled at me. This embarrassment would activate anger within me and this is what fueled the defense mechanism as defending myself and seeing the authority as my enemy. Like I am being bombarded by authority and they were making me feel uncomfortable, so they deserve to pay, and I would fight immensely towards them sometimes directly like with my mom or passively like with my coaches, to prove that I am right and they are the ones who fucked up and stepped too much beyond my boundary of acceptability  My ego did not like to be embarrassed and/or wronged, and especially by another imperfect human trying to tell me that I am bad and they are better then me, and then making me uncomfortable within this. Nope, they were going to have to pay for this, and so I would just go into conflict and create a scene.

But within all of this my mind was split and I was not stable with who I really was, I had no idea who I was or what I really was looking for or defending as I saw within myself how flawed I was acting and abusive as well, so I just went from inferior to superior and back again and thus cycling with others who where doing the same. Never changing and never satisfied, and so always in conflict in my world. I will continue more and write this one out in blogs to come to correct this and thus be stable in my own self direction in the principle of what is best for all. Thanks.

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Day 268 – Redefining the Word Loser

Loser

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:
Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness
Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live


This word, loser, will have to be purified within yourself, the memories, the definitions, the beliefs, the fears you hold within it through the self forgiveness and self correction process that I have walked in the last few blogs I have referenced above. I am not completely done purifying this word loser as I still have memories and beliefs coming up within me, so I will continue my writing on this word in writings to come. But for the sake of this blog series, I will redefine it here within a point of how I see it could be walked for all in a universal purpose, what the word actually could be used for to describe and help encapsulate an action within reality.

So for Loser, we can see it as a derivative of the word lost, lost in the context of a competition, and no not the competition of ego in feeling superior over others, but the competition of here in reality to see what is best within the standards we live, and thus can be seen in what we will be walking within the equal money system for instance.

We will through test, trials, and errors walk through many different ways and means, products and services as we recreate this world into the best it could possible be. So within the different testings and trials of these different functions in life that we will use, we will have that which have proven in physical real time living to be best for all, such as a car design that is the most efficient, creative, long lasting, ect., and thus within this testing there will also be the cars that have lost. So within this context one could say ‘this car was the ‘loser’ of the testing arena, and thus car x is the best (or winner)’.

This establishing the practical use of the word ‘loser’ and thus also the word ‘winner’ as it’s not from a point of ego in making one better then the other in one’s mind reality any longer, but the word is the best in a testable, evidentiary, and practical physical reality way, it is what it is actually, there is nothing behind it or nothing anyone can interpret within it's meaning, but in it's realness of the word use it will be the 'loser' as it (place x here) lost in testing and it (place y here) is the winner because it won in testing.

We, within for instance the equal money system processing, will walk from the physical and thus live from the physical only as this is the only reality that is in fact real and able to be tested for real, so thus this is why we are in the process of stopping ourminds and re-birthing ourselves into and as the physical reality, so we are in fact real and can thus live from reality and be in reality. We are now in our minds and thus create all sorts of meanings and definitions in this word loser if you have a look, which create separation and confusion really within society. So living into and as us as physical beings here in physical reality in our presences, words, deeds, and understandings, we all will be equal and one in understanding of what the physical is and what words are in their universal meanings because in essence they will be what they are in it’s actual purpose, the universal meaning to be further discussed, but eventually this will become self evidentiary to a self realized being in the physical.

Another point within redefining the word loser is also as you can see we will redefine the use of competition as well, so within the equal money system for instance we will only create that which is best within life, and this will be agreed upon by all and self evident within all. So creating a number of the same things in different minute or small changes for making artificial competition to make money and profit, will be seen as wasteful and not necessary as it’s not best for all, so thus will be eliminated within the equal money system. Competition as we know it will be gone in our minds in self interest, and the real purpose of competition will emerge, to find what is in fact best for all in all that we do. And thus only that which is best will be created in all we do, which is the highest form of living possible and will create unimaginable results. The practical form of the word ‘loser’ will be necessary and functional as it will be for it’s real purpose, what it does in the physical word reason, create understanding for life in this word, and help life move through the living of words into living it for real within oneself in the best and most efficient way possible, lived for all.

Thanks for reading.
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