A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 272 – Winning – “I am Better then You”

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:
Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness
Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live
Day 268 – Redefining the Word Loser

In relation to this specific Post, please reference these blogs:
Day 269 – What Does Being a ‘Winner’ imply in this World for the Human Being?
Day 270 – Winning- Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction - Self Forgiveness
Day 271 – Winning – Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction – Self Corrections to Live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the thought within my mind as memories of times when I beat a specific person in competition and thus hold onto these memories as a justifiable stream of evidence that I indeed am better then this other and thus within this justification through memories, create myself in relationship with this other in superiority, where I will create a point of arrogance towards them expecting them to live up to me and my memories of competition or continue to be seen as less then me because I am creating this experience within me of being more because I hold onto memories of me apparently winning, which is not real because it’s in my mind and thus easily can be distorted from what in reality actually happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue existing within memories as I bring them here within talking to another I know I have beat in competition in the past and thus treat them in my speak and mannerisms in superiority, seeing within myself that they deserve this treatment because I won, I am better, and thus I deserve to live as the superior one because I beat them and they lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept memories as real when I realize they are not real as it is not here in the physical and use the memories in self interest where I will gain feelings of superiority based on defining myself through the actions that took place as winning in a competition, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an arrogance and self righteousness towards the other based on believing myself to be better then this person because I have defined myself more to them based on beating them and that I am referencing to validate this definition of myself through the memories I have brought up of me winning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by what has happened in the past and hold onto it and use the memories as a validation of who I am as more then others when in reality I am showing how self interested I am and abusive by treating another life being as less then me when me in the physical is equal and one to the other and thus competition in the seeking of gaining definition of importance and superiority to another is not acceptable and cause abuse as separation and conflict as I use these memories only for energy for myself to feel more, superior, and better then this other which makes me feel important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the energy as superior and better to others in beating them in defining who I am as more because I desire to feel important and be seen as this by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out this superiority in my world by treating others less then me through yelling at them and not allowing them to walk any process with me in their own self expression, but I demand them to prove that they are the winner and thus always exist within competition as comparison and polarity as better/worse when we interact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the opposite polarity where I will suppress the memories of me losing to not have to face that within myself as I have now only defined my self importance or self worth through winning, and so when I do allow memories of losing I accumulate the energy of anger because I see I am not good enough and thus this fuels the competition I participate in and so become extremely competitive with others in becoming physical at times and abusive verbally and mentally at times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame those I compete against for me becoming a loser and feeling bad and stifled within myself, and thus use this blame to get even through competition and when I win rub it in the others face to make sure I gain attention and recognition for this win, and I see as more then others which makes me feel important within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my own participation in competition and self righteousness allowing and accepting myself to abuse others mentally, verbally, and physically based on holding onto memories of lose and not dealing with them in self honesty, but suppress them until I bring the anger here that is involved within this memory of lose to fuel me to be aggressive and win in my competition towards them always resulting in abuse as I am existing within separation as you vs me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aggressive and in the point of you vs me and so doing whatever I can to win, where I will name call or abuse in my mind and at times physically when I was younger to win and so I can be seen as more and better then the others and thus gain that self importance which makes me feel worthy again within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others and only exist within competition based on defining myself by what others see of me and how I live in the physical compared to others instead of accepting myself and living in unison with others in equality and what is best for everyone where all ultimately can benefit equally as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept abuse within words, thought, and deed towards others within myself in the belief that I am better but realizing this is only ego and hiding the fact that I don’t actually accept myself and see myself as worthy, but live from the mind as ego to make myself feel better because within myself I feel inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me not standing up for myself and living within principles of what is best and equality to stop the cycle of polarity living in energy of inferior/superior or better/worse, and thus create separation with others because I am searching for myself, my expression through the external as competition but will always be unstable and unequal with others because I am only seeing myself in energy as highs and lows through win and lose and thus I will never be stable because energy will exist in this way to balance itself and never last as an expression of me because it’s not real it’s based in the mind as thoughts that construct this idea of myself as the ‘winner’ when in reality, I am not accepting myself and thus in separation with life as who I really am.