Anger towards parents Sf - Day 18

 Anger towards my parents 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at my parents for having me and in this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for the decisions i have made in my life causing me to have hardship and failure, relieving stress and pain through blame and anger as energy releases through this blame and anger, but i see, realize, and understand it does not stop the anger/blame and thus conflict, but only perpetuates it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately blame and become angry at my parents because they brought me in this world and so in this i become spiteful toward them because i myself do not want to take responsibility for the messes in my life i have created and so say things like 'i wish you did not have me' to my parents where i want them to suffer as i believe i have for them bringing me into this world. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame and so abdicate my responsibility for the choices and decisions i made to get me into a point of pain where i myself see, realize, and understand brought me to this point, and that i can not blame others outside myself as i understand i am the one walking my own life, i am the one making the decisions and have the self power to do what is self honest in the moment or not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to praise my parents when it suits me to where i feel empowered based on ego desires that are giving me a sense of accomplishment or pride based on family/parent accomplishments, where in a  desire to be seen in a positive light and o see my parents/family in a positive light as this makes me feel worthy/important and thus i receive the energy of goodness without having to actually create it as myself where i actually live in a way that is worthy of life and prideful in myself for walking the self honest path that is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this anger and blame move into hate where i grow a form of hatred toward my parents for not securing my path in this world and guaranteeing success, when i see, realize, and understand practically my parents did the best they could with what they had and what they new of in the space and time they were in.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my parents as the reason for my flaws/failures instead of taking responsibility for these failures/flaws and working with changing them, processing them in practical self change to make them become stronger as this is practically what can be done with what is here and that my parents are not able to change anything for me, i realize, see, and understand i can only change these points of weaknesses myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents for their flaws/failures and see them as less then others/me based on these points, and i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents where i see them as the root of my failure as i came from them instead of recognize the gift i was given in this life as life and what they did to keep me alive, and secure to have a life and have the ability to walk my process and opportunity to create here.

When and as i see myself going into the desire to think thought patterns about how i am disturbed by my parents, i stop and breath, and go into humbleness and gratefulness for them doing their best with what they had and giving me what they could for me to have a secure platform to live my life from and create with opportunity. I commit myself to stop going into thoughts about my parents, breathe, and live the word self responsibility and self movement where i start moving myself physically to make my flaws such as addictions into self discipline and become stronger in these.

I commit myself to stop judging my parents and stand in their shoes to see where they are at, and support them to be there best self as how i would like if i was in their shoes, i commit myself to see my parents as equals, and walk in oneness as i correct myself first and stop abdicating my responsibility to energy and the mind. I commit myself to live the word humbleness as i see i am also flawed and have weaknesses like all, and so i am an equal as i also am not perfect, thus i work with my own self perfection as one and equal as all life. 

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Self Forgiveness (Day 3): Only Seeing the Worst of Myself - Day 581

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

I am sure we all can relate to this point of only seeing the worst in ourselves in moments of our life, they may be fleeting or they may be the majority of how one see what is here. I have been looking at this point as of late due to understanding why I in fact do this? What causes such an experience to only see what is bad, horrible, fearful, and so the worst that could happen or is here? 

There is a few dimensions that came up for me initially and those were the habitual and automated way I have created myself to see life in fear and realizing this has been patterned and repeated over and over in my life thus far, thirty plus years of viewing life like this. The second is being bombarded as a child to be afraid, the one memory that is coming up for me the strongest is my mom telling me that if anyone comes up to me on the street or when we are out and try to take me, to run and scream and look for a policeman! This obviously made me see that the world is a scary and dark place, even if i didn't realize it so much at the time, it imprinted into me on deep levels, being scared of the world i live in, people are bad, and humans can not be trusted. 

This leading to the experience that i am to be afraid, we have unfortunately created such a world were life is not guaranteed for many and that we can not at this time fully trust each other, so there is some logic in what my mom did, and i do understand she was doing what she thought was right. Though, this is not the only way to live life and through my example, who I am in relation to life here, and how i live I can reverse that paradigm and instead see the best in life nad build the trust that is necessary to ensure life is trustworthy and humans are educated on how and why to live in this way as well.

Self forgiveness on this childhood memory:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the sound and intensity of my mom's facial expressions in the moment of her telling me to be careful and scream and run if anyone trys to take me out in public.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take on the idea from that moment on that the world and people are dangerous and people will harm me if i am not aware and careful of my surroundings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people are bad and that they will do the worst of what can be done onto others and this includes myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all people in the world are not to be trusted and could and will do harm onto me if i am not careful and aware of what the people i interact with are like.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take inventory and judgments of other people as indicators if they were trustworthy or not based on if they were friendly, the way they looked, the way they acted, and judge if i would like them or not and fear them, if these boxes were checked or not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become distrustful of people around me in those moments of imagining a person taking me to harm me as my mom told me how to get away.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into petrification in that moment and see people as harmful instead of seeing people within the moment and allow the relationship to develop through time to get to know the person rather than just making quick sight judgments and defining someone to the worst of life in my mind and write them off as untrustworthy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the worst in life only where i see people as threats and judge people as unapproachable, making myself isolated and justifying this as this is how life is supposed to because people are fuck ups and i don't want to be around them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see the bad in people and thus only see the bad within myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see the judgments of not good enough, not making the mark, not being friendly enough, not being cool enough unto myself as i do in my quick sight judgments of others based on fear and distrust instead of seeing the best in others and standing as this as myself until it is proven otherwise and the being needs to walk a process without me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mom for imprinting this fear of people onto me based on her way of showing help to me as a child with potentially getting kidnapped instead of seeing that she was doing her best and she also was imprinted with this fear and distrust of people.

I see, realize, and understand that the relationship i would like to create with others and my world is one were the best is the starting point of who i am in my interactions and within myself, and i see that common sense must be applied in case to case basis if it is realistically something to consider based on what is transpiring in physical reality.

I commit myself to live the word best where i stand within the moment as best possible to see what is best within myself or another when the moment comes to fear and go into distrust.

I commit myself to get to know the being and my self by opening communication and find out what is best about the moment or being and see what comes through.

I commit myself to use common sense and the ability of myself to create the best of what is here through perseverance and living it as myself.

I commit myself to be my best self in each moment that is here so i can stand and recognize it within others, so what is best is created in this life instead of the worst of self.

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Dependency - Day 576

I have been seeing within this specific relationship I have in my head toward a particular being that I enjoyed and want to get to know more, but they are not showing signs that they want to get to know me more intimately and deeply. There is a couple points of reaction I am seeing causing this point of compromise within me where I am reacting in anger, jealousy, inferiority, and desire, and through this is based on projections I am having of what could be, what I would want to have happen, fear of lose, and so I am seeing this is all being created because I have allowed this point of dependency on others to define and so give myself direction in my life instead of creating this for myself.

This is stemming from my childhood where my parents always supported me with giving me words to who I was in a positive way, and so taking on this positive outlook of myself and in a way believing that this is all I am. Then others in my reality showed points of negativity where I would then start to question who I was within me due to a belief that I am defined by the words of others and believing that what is said to me is who I am. This obviously causing conflict within me, a desire to be a follower of others who give me positivity, seeking out those who give me this, and so create a dependency on this experience I get within me when someone gives me a compliment or an experience is created from the words or actions shown by another that is making me have feelings of acceptance, cause within myself I am not giving this to myself and directing myself through living words that are best for self and so best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on the words and gestures of others that give me an experience within myself of positivity, where the experience of feelings come up as energy that I follow as a ride I go on, and from there when the energy has diminished within me as energy feeling and so the ride I was on is over, I go into a depression, a sinking, an experience that I am now less because I no longer have the experience within me of feeling something ‘good’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the experience that come up within me as points of energy with thoughts of how another will give me something or gave me something such as a positive loaded comment where I experience myself different from the usual lack of confidence I have experienced myself within due to the lack of positive feedback I have received from my reality and so created this seesaw within me as conflict of feeling less then myself here as a being that is physical and present, and so become dependent on others in my reality to show me who I am and within that, be defined by the energy experiences within me as energy that comes and goes as the fleeting moments in time I participate in, which is participating in the mind consciousness system feeding off the reality I am living in instead of standing one and equal within it and directing who I am based on my living as words and so actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts within my mind of ‘I am not able’ ‘I am not good enough’ ‘I need a partner who will give me a sense of my self as a ‘nice’ person and through this compromise my stand as life here one and equal to all beings here, where I am not dependent on taking from others and within this needing others to support me to live here as a being of worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the words of others within me through energy as positive reinforcement where I have defined myself solely on what others say to me rather then standing as a point of support for myself as myself and walking with reality as me as a stand for life as a pillar within who I am as I live and so from here am able to be an equality and oneness with others in all ways and be interdependent in the sense that I am not in need of others to give me life as energy experiences in me I follow and ride, but I give life to myself as living words as my self honesty in action and so can give life as I equally receive the life of who others are here in return and thus expand and learn about life here in oneness and equality in what is best for all.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed jealousy of the relationships of others that is built on solid ground and are a living example of what this stand as this point and so instead of creating this for myself, I disempower myself through self interest and create jealousy because within myself I am in self diminishment as I am not as of yet walking the path of self forgiveness, self honesty, and so living change to become empowered within myself as I change who I am from dependent on others to standing as an equal and realizing the oneness that does, in fact, exist here and that can be created as this equality is lived through words I redefine and live for myself and so share who I am with others on solid ground as I am grounded in my living here by actually standing within me and without equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger toward others in my reality to have what I want instead of realizing, seeing, and understanding that this has nothing to do with the other beings in my reality, but all to do with my own compromise within myself as I am showing to myself that at this time I am standing as not willing to walk the path of correction, which is a process of realignment in my living to define who I am within and so to the without in self introspection, self forgiveness, and living change and become my own understanding and presence of life as I live the correction process I walked in writing or sounding within self-forgiveness to learn what it’ll take to walk the path and process of self standing, self-empowerment, and self real-i-zation of the reality of self being here in who I am as my words redefine to align and so become one and equal with my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at others in my reality who are standing as this point through and through, not realizing, seeing, and understanding that this anger has nothing to do with beings in my reality, but all to do with my own self anger as I am understanding within me I am compromising myself due to laziness, apathy, and non movement of the path and process that is required for reprogramming who I am in these moments of dependency on others and so creating myself in reality as a real being who speaks words and stands as my own living words as I redefine who I am in writing and sounding forgiveness and directing myself in my reality in total self-responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat hate and spite of others in my reality as I accepted and allowed the experience of self-pity and self inferiority, through this only diminishing myself and my own stand in my reality as a being with integrity and the maturity to do what has to be done and walk the necessary physical steps of change required to walk the path of self creation in self responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not showing me the reality of what is here and so blame others in my world in many ways for not being there for me, when this is actually a gift and doorway to the path of forgiving myself for my miss-takes and living my forgiveness where I change myself to stand on my own two feet grounded in reality and standing as an equal as I redefine who I am as life in words that are supportive and best for me and so will equal and one support others as well.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others in my reality and so diminish within the experience i have created of a belief that i am not as good as others or i am better, creating a lack within me and so a lack in my living where i go into an experience that i need something someone where because within myself i am not giving it to myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create competition to beings in my world that i see that have what i desire, instead of realizing that i am not standing within myself as a being with integrity to walk the actual walk it takes to stand as that beings equal in care, regard, and consideration of what is best for all, and in that spite myself as life and become compromised as life as a diminished version unwilling at that moment to walk the process of change. 

I commit myself to stand in the words integrity as my internal grit to walk the change necessary to stand as an equal to life as i live what is best for all in regard of all and create myself within  my lviing to be here present as the precense of myself willing and able to create agreements that is best for all and no longer need or particpate in mind games as competition, comparision, or spite as i let go of these experiences within myself as i walk the living change necessary within me and so give myself as life within  my living to create what is best for self and so best for all. 

I realize and understand that I am able through and through and in fact is the only way to walk the change process necessary to create myself as a real being in my physical living that stands as a equal in my words and so is able to be independent of the energy experience I have accepted and allowed through becoming polarized in my reality through energy as emotions and feelings, I commit myself to let go of thoughts through breathing, and live the word independent as a point of reference that I have a process of physical change that is necessary through writing and living words that I can direct myself within and so live that is best for me and so best for all.

I realize that I am whole responsible for myself and the change that is required within to stand as a plus one in the reality as my physical presence to align back in the physical world as an equal walking the breath here in what is best for all through living words of support for self and flowing like water in my reality to change who I am to stand in this regard where it’s about who self is and how self lives here.

I commit myself to walk the dimensions of mind compromise I am existing within that separates me from life here in equality and oneness in what is best for all and so the cross-reference I can use as support is the polarizing within me of energy and the experience of dependency that comes up moving into breath and living words such as independent, self worth, self love, and self responsibility to change self in the moment to let go of energy and physically live the correction to stand as an equal as my living matches my words that is here as me.

I commit myself to let go of the experience of blame onto others as I take responsibility for my own experiences through walking the process of self change to live as an equal to others and so live as a pillar within me that is self sustaining as I walk the process of self purification through self forgiveness and become real as a being that is in physical.

I commit myself to redefine the word dependent to stand as a dependable being who walks the talk of living words that I redefine and live in alignment with all life as so honoring the life within and so without equal and one as a being that is in fact equal and one and not taking from life and not giving as I'd like to receive first and foremost. 

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The Gift I Found in Self Acceptance is Self Trust - See How... - Day 562

Original Artwork by: Andrew Gable

Check Out his art at: http://www.andrewgableart.com

Who am I in relation to this word trust, and within that what I am really investigating is I am seeing is the ability to trust myself. What this immediately brings me to is looking within, trusting the voice of myself that is one of deep gentleness and calm that resides within my being. So here I have seen that I have established over my lifetime a sense of trust within myself through what I have learned and become aware of as my inner voice. Though I have walked many years in distinguishing between the voice my inner voice that I trust and the mind chatter or movement that comes up within that is experienced within energy movements as thoughts and emotions/feelings. Energy meaning it has movement to it and in a way, I experience it as I am following the thoughts, the emotions like a chasing in fact of the mind as thoughts. I will experience this energy in my body as tension or irritability for example where my voice gets hard, my body can go rigid, a rise of heat is experienced in the chest, and it can go into an experience of an eruption. As opposed to my inner voice that I have established within me is more experienced within me as a deep settledness, a calm in my body, a silence, and it comes with understanding, a constant knowing of who I am, and this 'i am' is aligned with life principle, what is best. 

I have always had a deep connection with this part of me, this inner voice, even when I was a child and I am sure we all can relate to this, its that knowing that there is something greater and more profound in me and in this life that is not readily here or known, but it is true, it is genuine, and it is supportive, this inner voice that feels like I am touching is good for lack of a better word, it is like a soft hand holding me as a support always. And this I have harnessed to something that I cherish within me all this time and hold to the fact that there is in fact in this world an understanding that this life matters and there is something more to discover, which has sent me on quite a quest to understand more of this understanding and knowledge I have come to know within myself about life.

Trust within myself though has not always been so deep and clear, yes I have had a connection with this deep part of myself, but I also have been very much influenced and created myself from my thinking patterns mainly of self ridicule, self abuse, and self bullying. This often leads to behavior that I take out on others due to not directing these parts of myself in a reasonable way, but more go to diminishing myself and others and so creating a diminished view of myself in this world and in fact creating it. Where at times little to no self-trust was present. 

I have memories of going into kindergarten, and man was I excited to experience the new scene, I heard my sisters and mom talk about it and I couldn’t wait to experience it for myself, the classroom, the books, the toys, the kids, and when I got there I was told that I was going to be tested. All of a sudden the excitement and experience of being in this new place full of adventure now turned into a fearful experience where I didn’t know how I was going to do on these test, was I smart enough to get in? Was I going to have to miss out on this new adventure because I didn’t pass my test? What is the test going to say about me? And so the experience of wonder turned into an experience of fear where I no longer trusted my own experience and how I was learning and interacting with my world, but now I was going to be told who I was through a test I had to take which will open or close the door to this new adventure I was so close to experience. This test was my only way forward I was seeing, I had no ability beside tantrum to let them know that I did not want to be tested and anyways my mom was not having that because I had to go to school, there were no other options.

This experience of school grew more and more into a point of fear and tension for me where i was more concerned with the experience of others and what I was going to be facing in my environment every day in terms of pressures or intense situations where I had to ‘step up’ instead of exploring at my own pace, getting to know and understand for myself what I was interacting with, and so finding my place within it all. Where I was more placing my trust in what I was getting as feedback from my enviroment to define who I was rather then going into myself, who i was, and how i was understanding myself within this new way of life, which is more how we experience ourselves as young children before the schooling years start typically.

This schooling experience I had and started to take in as who I was was contributing to my evolution of fear and self abuse I started to develop due to my warped way of taking in my world and how I interpreted with what I was taking in as input from others, my environment, and how I saw others treat me and people in general. So more just copying what would eventually help me to cope with my inner experiences of fear and tension and the growing perception that there is something wrong with me because I was not always measuring up. The coping experience was to be hard on me, beat myself up, and then I can keep cycling in the blame that I am not good enough, I am the problem, and so stay stuck, where I never actually find out what the real issue is that I am struggling with because I keep reacting to it and making it about having to be perfect, better, or more than who I already am here as my truth. In this stuckness, I don't have to go out of comfort zones, in this stuckness I know me and so life becomes routine, easy, yet perpetually more difficult because this I am not good enough evolves and grows as I keep allowing these experiences to direct me rather me it, so quite the conundrum of self-defeat I have been living through. 

This idea of being broken or damaged contributed to my quest to fix myself, make me more pretty, more smart, more excellent in whatever it is I was competing in and so my measure of who I was was no more on what and how I live in terms of my example as my words in action, what I learned through listening to that inner voice as a child, but more on satisfying an image in my mind I had to live up to. So a lot of my lack of self-trust was because I was not going within, I was not accepting who I was within what I was doing and being ok with what the results were in fact. This lack of self-trust is because I disconnected with my inner truth as the acceptance of who I am within my reality, the truth of the fact that I may not be well trained in something and within that that is ok, I can accept that, learn from it, and then grow to find the solutions that would make sense to make me better.

When we all know intrinsically that we can not be perfect in everything all in one go with all we do, it is just not possible, yet the drive I had for many years was based on this belief.  This acceptance of who I am here in fact and truth, no matter how bad, ugly, or silly it may be is the gateway to experience and get in touch with the self and the truth of oneself as one is in fact working with the reality of who one is in any given moment. Once one is facing the reality of who one is and accepts that, then one can embrace it to learn from it, and from there work on the process of improving and making it better through a real time understanding as one is walking it step by step. 

So trust i am finding is built through self acceptance, accepting the fact of who one is at any given moment to open the door for the truth of self to emerge and so the ability to trust in oneself because one in fact knows who and how one is and how to walk the process of learning, understanding, and growing to new heights or new depths with the information gathered and worked with. Trust then can open up the door to self-expansion, where new heights of growth and depth can be reached because one has accepted and worked with what is real, within and into the without of oneself. 

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The Inner Child Within Us All - Day 490

Here speaking with my partner on how he has supported me in accessing and embracing the inner child within myself, and how that has come through in my living. Also, there were many perspectives shared by all of us on how to live this inner child in our day to day lives to enjoy life more and make it more fruitful. Please have a listen and enjoy!

Family and Competition – Day 484

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How is it that we become so competitive and driven to survival within this reality? I have been looking at this point recently and have found within most of my interactions there is an underlying experience and desire to be the best and compete. This desire comes in many subtle forms, they are thoughts that go on in the background, not very noticeable or visible, but they are certainly there. They are fueled within self insecurity and judgments. These thoughts I would say are the secret mind thoughts, the thoughts that I wouldn’t want anyone to see or hear, so within this there is an experience of shame and self dishonesty that I am experiencing. Where this leads to feeling inadequate and going into the world to try and make myself better, and to do this I go into competition, where I can be seen as more or better in some way. So the essential point that is moving this participating in the bad emotions such as judgment of myself or others which creates this desire to feel better. But what is this all holding up and keeping in place, shame, judgment, competition, and self dishonesty.

This is obviously not the way to self equality with oneself and one’s environment, so I looked at this point more in depth and realized that this desire to compete and be more has been with me since my childhood, I have always had this drive to compete and be more then. This started with my family and the culture that was created within my childhood years. The circumstances for children coming into this world vary based on income of the family and personal awareness, so there is many outflows we as a society have to take responsibility for and also support, so here I want to walk through some of these scenarios for myself so I can stand and take responsibility for them and stop them from perpetuating in my world and reality. 

To start, I remember going to my first experience of school where I was quite excited to experience all the different toys and games that I saw when I would drop off my sisters. This excitement diminished when I got to the kindergarten classroom, where I was given these tests to find out where I stood within the class and if I was going to be able to get in. I remember being stressed and anxious about the test taking because I had no idea where I stood in relation to it and I feared not being able to get into this cool looking classroom.

Here is one experience of competition and fear of survival that came up in my life and how this effected the whole rest of my schooling years where I associated this building with having to keep score and make the cut, competing with numbers and other children and environments, I mean it is a stressful thing to throw a child into not knowing what to expect and having no real understanding of the reason for the testing and why it is being done, and just expect them to be enjoying themselves and ok with all of it. Children aren’t told anything, they are mostly forced into what it is that is expected of them over traditions and never included in the decision. If children fight back, they are seen as rebellious and handled in a more strict way. This goes into parenting and how parents create a dynamic of master/slave relationship that the child certainly picks up on and becomes defiant in a way toward, which is extended into the system, such as the education system and the way in which is operates. This is from my personal experience of my own childhood and some insight and perspective to support with changing to solutions that will support all and create a better world for all.

I will continue in my next blog, thanks.

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Motherly Care – Becoming Unconditional – Day 406

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship in my mind with henri within a desire to fulfill my role as a mother taking care of her child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with henri where I desire to take care of him within the anticipation that he will give me admiration and affection for the care I give him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conditions within our expression in reality based on my self interest and not considering henri as an equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a judgment towards the way in which I see my relationship with my dog as too attached.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my behavior towards henri instead of realizing that it does not define me as I can see, understand, and realize the change that is necessary to align the relationship with henri as equals is within my will to direct myself in self honesty and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I care for henri he will give me an energetic high of appreciation and affection within his expression of unconditional giving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use herni’s unconditional giving of himself in his expression as a means for me to gain an energetic high through the creation of the idea I have superimposed onto him that he loves me and see’s me as his favorite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superimpose my mind onto reality as my expression towards henri and so create a limited verion of who I am with him based on a need/dependency on him to fulfill this need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a possessive relationship towards henri based on this desire for the energetic high of affection and so create a  dependency within our living in reality together where I am living from a mind reality of the past as an expectation instead of being here with him in self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation of how reality should be with henri and so limit our expressions within who we can be in each moment to an energetic experience I am desiring and trying to reach and so not being here within what can be created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous when henri gives his unconditional expression to others and I do not achieve the desired expectation of his affection and admiration.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of dependency to henri based on accepting and allowing my mind to create expectations of how henri should be towards me and desire a certain outcome limiting the moment of creation that is indeed here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to direct me into possession and dependency towards henri based on my addiction to the energetic high of admiration and affection and so limit the creation process of expression that exist in each here moment as we live together.

When and as I see I am living in a way with henri that is based on an expectation and desire and so become possessive based with how henri should behave towards me, I stop and breath, and realize that this will compromise my expression in physical reality with henri and compromise our relationship together as equals and so realize that the creation process will open up through being truly unconditional in our expressions in breath.

I commit myself to let go of the desire and need how how henri should behave and act towards me.

I commit to see henri within a stand as an equal being in my reality with equal respect and honor as I would want for myself.

I commit myself to unconditional express myself with henri within a common sense assessment of reality and what is needed for our practical living and well being as well as enjoyment.

I commit to put myself in the shoes of others in my physical reality and assess in breath who I would like to be as an equal and so express this an unconditional living.

Eqafe interview support I recommend:
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race
How to Give Unconditionally in Your Relationship - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Part 25
Give and Receive - The Soul of Money

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