Day 270 – Winning- Fulfilling a Desire for Self Satisfaction - Self Forgiveness

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:
Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness
Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live
Day 268 – Redefining the Word Loser

In relation to this specific Post, please reference this blog:
Day 269 – What Does Being a ‘Winner’ imply in this World for the Human Being?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to win within competition against others to make myself feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to win because within myself I see that I have a belief that I lack something and thus have formed the idea that to feel satisfied and accomplished, I have to compete and show that I am strong and better then others through winning and being the winner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to believe this idea that I lack something based on the judgments I hold of myself that I am not good enough, that I am not strong enough, and thus use competition and the result as winning to prove to myself that this is not so. I realize though that this never solves anything, but just continues me in the same cycle loop of lack/fulfillment through competition and winning/losing, never stable, never here, never free in my expression, but always driven by this play-out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate thoughts about myself of self judgment within seeing myself as lacking in intelligence, beauty, presence, and thus comparing myself to others in where I allow myself to use the moment of possible winning through competing against these people  as enough of a push to continue in this cycle of polarities of lack/fulfillment in the pursuit of being the winner and getting nice feelings, and never actually solve the issue within me, which is the lack of self acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by what others think of me and how I perceive myself according to what others think, and only be satisfied, if only for a few moments, within the winning in a sport or competition, but still be left with this mental train of thought that I am having to be something or someone for others to accept me, not realizing that what I am missing is the acceptance of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy way out within this life in pushing my insecurities and judgments aside and thus escaping my self in having to face me as these insecurities and judgments, but use the quick shot of energy I gain when I become the winner in competition and allow that to sustain me for the low I will go into once the energy wears off, and I am back having to face myself as the truth of me as insecurities and judgments of lack.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use winning and competition as an escape and distraction as a quick fix rather then having to face and change myself within the beliefs of who I am within this physical body, and walk the process of self acceptance, accepting myself through physically changing who I am within my living, not accepting judgments or lack, and change my behavior to walk for real this self acceptance as a reality in my life and my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to direct me into believing that I am less then others based on my own self ignorance and judgments of desire to be perfect and thus try and live up to a picture in my mind that is impossible to fulfill, and then judge and torture myself with this self hate and self sabotage living of myself because I can't live up to the illusion in my head as a perfect picture, instead of accepting myself for who I am as a living being and living one and equal with all of life that is here and is equal in the physical, which is what is real and what matters, equality, lack is the mind and does not exist in reality as it's an illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in my mind in desires of perfection and thus  in reality live in self compromise using polarities as winning/lose by torturing myself with this play-out within trying to satisfy myself through energy highs, and dealing and coping with the energy lows, instead of taking responsibility for myself and life as me one and equal, and changing my living to be in self acceptance and accepting all as me in equality, stopping the energy as high/low thus stop competing against others  as I realize as is equal and all here is self as life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live and express freely through accepting all here as myself equal and one as what is real in this physical reality and thus chose to play the mental games of addiction and escapism through competition as winning and lose.


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