The Outsider - Day 511

What has been overwhelming for most of my life is the feeling and experience of myself as someone who was different and didn't belong. Here my story as the outsider answering questions like:

How have i experienced being an outsider most of my life? Is it something I desired? What were the pros and cons of such an experience? How did I find ways to make it work and what was the benefit of this? These questions and more are discussed in this interesting story about a girl and her life as an outsider. Enjoy.

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Day 286 – Self Judgment – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Backchat Dimension

Please reference these blogs for further perspective:
Day 283 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye
Day 284 – Self Judgment – Judging My Physical – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Commitments to Live – Part 1
Day 285 – Self Judgment – The ‘Flawed’ Eye – Self Corrections to Live Part 2

Looking here at the specific backchat that is involved within this self judgment I hold of my ‘flawed’ eye on the left side, and it is based on the memory of being called a ‘retard’ in school by others and eventually connecting this with the eye that is not perfectly symmetrical on my face. I became very fearful of others, that they would create this judgment of me as how I have judged myself and so I had a very difficult time being with others, because my mind was so loud about how others were thinking of me and how must they think I really have something wrong with me. The backchat was based in this line of thinking, ‘I am flawed’, ‘I have something wrong with me’, ‘everyone see me as dumb, retarded, useless’ ‘I am never going to amount to others, I am too flawed’ ‘look at everyone else they are perfect, look at me I am flawed with this face’ and eventually believing that I indeed had something wrong with me, like that I was never told that I had mental issues, and I was only finding out now because it’s so obvious. So the backchat was always in a way bullying me because I was bullying myself, making me less then others, believing this is who I am, and was using the fear of humiliation by others to continue to exist in such a abusive way towards myself, where eventually my whole view of myself was contorted and I could not really see who I was in the mirror, I only saw all the flaws, all the judgments, all the things wrong with my face, especially this ‘flawed’ eye staring back at me. 

There was much anger and blame towards those kids that called me this, to my parents who created me, to god for creating me to exist, to this world for being so cruel, to my sisters for being perfect and me being the flawed one, I often took my anger out in violence and conflict with others, never would I speak of such thoughts going on in my mind or what was happening within me because I was too proud and didn’t want to seem weak, but this causing me to deal with this alone. I didn’t deal with it, but just suppressed it within me and became very angry at others because I blamed everything and everyone else for me being this way except facing the truth of me doing this to myself. Fuck but man, I was living a nice life, I had everything that I could ever ask for, I never had to worry, I was perfectly healthy and mentally healthy, I excelled at sports, I could problem solve, I did well in school when I applied myself, I could see outside of the box, I was offered dates by males, but I didn't ever see this, I only believed this about myself, that I was flawed, I am not normal, I have something wrong with me, I am less then others, and thus this is how I lived alone within myself, suppressed, and in fear.

But really who was the one who created all these thoughts and backchats in my mind, who accepted and allowed myself to continue the chatter and judgments of myself over years within seeing me as the flawed person, the undeserving and inferior of the group, I did. So the blame and anger towards others was more a defense and protection mechanism for me to avoid these uncomfortable situations with others based on this point of always existing in my mind and not ever considering the physical reality, not being able to communicate because I was never here listening, but in my mind judging myself as my backchat. So it’s a question of not why is this being done to me like I have asked myself for many years, but why am I doing this to myself. Why am I torturing myself, why do I continue to exist within these thoughts that I am less then, not worthy, and it because I didn't want to face my fears, I didn't want to take responsibility for all of it, I didn't want to face myself as the bully, as the judger, and as the mind with all these nasty thoughts about not only myself but everyone else around me. I have created myself as the bullied as well as the bullier, it's all me, and this here lies the solution, understanding this and forgiving all of it to be able to change myself into a being that considers myself as well as all others as equals and does what is best.

Will continue, thanks for reading.

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Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:

Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness

When and as I see myself give my power away to my ideas of the word loser and thus see myself at a lose, I stop and breath, realizing that I can only lose power or am at a lost within myself if I give my power away by defining myself by this world through the mind as seeing me subject to it and taking my ideas of me being a loser or inadequate as a real definition of me. I realize I am the one who directs myself and words into meaning and understand, and thus I define who I am alone.

I commit myself to walk the point of not accepting myself to be moved by hearing the sound of the word loser being directed at me or another, through breathing, and realizing that I am not defined by this word as my beliefs and so I walk the commit to let go of the beliefs that I am inadequate within myself when I am called this or another is.

I commit to walk the practical point of directing the word into an understanding for all, stopping the point ofpolarity with it that it creates with worthy/unworthy, but redefine it to be a universal meaning of the word that will fit it’s practical purpose of the word and define nothing but reality here.

When and as I go into a point of feeling inferior or inadequate within myself based on being called this word loser, I stop and breath, and realize that I am the one creating this feeling and belief of inadequacy and inferiority, and thus I realize I have the power to stop this belief and feelings and redirect myself through my living into letting it go and honoring myself and others as equals and live this.

I commit myself to let go of the fear and judgment of myself of seeing myself less then others.

I commit myself to walk as an equal in seeing that life here is equal, and thus I see that learning and growing is what is being walked within all walks of life, we all are in process of learning and growing, and thus I allow myself to walk this for myself, learn, grow, correct, and live and allow all life to walk this unconditional as well in this process of walking into self perfection.

I commit myself to stop the energy movement of fear and dread when I hear this word loser based on seeing that I am defining myself in this way because of the past, I stop the past from being here as the here is what is real, the past is gone.

I commit to walk what is here in breath and stop the past from controlling me, stop living from the past, and move my awareness to breath as life here in the physical.

When and as I see myself being in fear of my environment and people calling me names such as loser, I stop and breath, and realize that these people who call names are only showing their own true natures, this is not defining me nor do I have to take these sayings personal. I realize who I am and that I am not the words or phrases others speak of me, I am who I direct and thus define my own self to be, I am the creator of myself, I empower myself alone.

I commit to let go of this fear of being name called or ridiculed by others.

I commit to breath through this fear and allow people to say what they may, but also I stand within the principles of myself as an equal and support where I see I can and walk direct without taking it personal. It is not personal as life is all that is here and thus I realize what is being walked and what must be walked to see this for real is a process, and so I support life unconditionally.

I commit myself to stop taking all external words, gestures, behaviors personal as I realize I am walking process, life is not yet for real as life, and thus all that is here is in process, this is all me and I realize and commit to take responsibility of and for what is here as myself through my own process of self realization and self perfection and thus as the greater.

When and as I see that I am existing within my own mind as the losers and the winners within my world and reality in judgment and self interest, I stop and breath, realizing that I am not only perpetuating but creating this whole fear within me and thus within others that I desire to stop because I am living from fear. I realize I have to completely let go of the polarities within the mind as some and others or this and that, and walk into direct reality, what is here for real, and what will be the best outcome for all in humbleness in consideration of all that is here as me.

I commit myself to walk the point of letting go of all polarities within me, by embracing the other polarity I am trying to ignore, and thus seeing myself within it, what I am not accepting within myself, and accept it, write about it, self forgive the separation, and correct it into living it as myself in self responsible direction and correction.

I commit to stop using words for my own self interest and walk what is here within the practical purpose of words within a universal understanding of all to live and benefit from words in the best way possible.

I commit to end the abuse of others through changing my living behavior through writing self-forgiveness and self commitment statements of the patterns that need change, and living the change necessary to see this through by actually living it and stopping it in my day to day living. I commit to end abuse as myself in this world.

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Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness

Please reference this blog for further perspective on this post:

Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being called or associated with the word loser due to my ideas of the word defining me as less then others and thus fearing a part of myself being lost where another will gain over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the word loser more power then my own self direction realizing that I can only be defined by a word if I allow my ideas of it control me into fear and self compromise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate lose of myself with the word loser due to fear and my idea of myself seen and thus defined as inadequate if I am called this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be inadequate and thus vulnerable to others calling me a loser and thus suppress myself and fear being associated with this word because I believe this to be real meaning, that I am inadequate and others can see this, thus showing that I am not standing within my own self, but in fear of others harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others harming me and thus suppress myself due to fear of becoming vulnerable especially when hearing or being associated with the word loser as I believe that the labeling of a loser is the lose of my dignity within my environment and surrounding associates.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea and belief of this being true of being less then others if I am called a loser and become known as this by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept ideas within my head and be directed by these ideas within me of polarities and comparisons and thus be lost within this play out with words and ideas in my mind of the idea of me being called a loser and how I am branded now and at a lose, instead of living from the physical and creating universal definitions for words that is it’s actual purpose and thus having directseeing in and as what is real as the physical and direct from here in reality rather then the mind which is illusionary and multi-faceted and not clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually desire to use the word loser within myself and thus I hold onto it’s definition as real to make others inferior to me and me superior to gain more prestige and influence over others and in my surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm others within the ideas I hold of loser and make them feel less then me and when it comes to me in this position, I desire mercy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the message and words of life of give unto others as you would want done unto you, and thus create abuse and harm to others and equally create that for myself based on creating ideas and beliefs of words and live them out to be true rather then living from the physical in universal understanding of what words mean and thus live this in consideration of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word loser and the ideas of inferiority to suit my needs and desire not to be lived within these same standards when I am the one who is now inferior and have now have been labeled in the same vain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself into a split of superiority and inferiority when I realize that all life is one and equal with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distort the word loser to suit me and thus at the same time fear it when I am in the negative polarity idea I have created of it and been labeled as this, and thus I see and realize I must redefine the word loser and live it within it’s actual purpose to be here and thus direct it in common understanding in all’s equal consideration.

Self Commitments and Redefinition to follow, thanks for reading.



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Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words

I listened to Anu’s interview today, and he was discussing on family rivalry and competition, and how within this play out with siblings we easily go into the point of ‘winning’ and ‘losing’ based on the inherent desirewithin us to be strong and thus be the ‘winner’, and so obviously not be ‘weak’ and be the ‘loser’.

So the first step he suggested within looking at this whole point of sibling rivalry, is too re-define the words winning and losing, starting with lose, lost, and/or loser, so I will start with the word – loser. I have a reaction to this word within a resistances and tension, like I don’t want to be associated with this word, it’s like a real negative, horrible experience within myself when I see the word loser. This based on seeing it as I am losing something of myself and will not be able to get that part of me back, such as losing my face for instance with others, my fake face as strength and being a loser means I am not strong and thus will not be able to be a fake face with others because they will see me for who I am, my name associate with me in the peer group, thus branded and a bad brand is not something one want to be associated with as that mean you are outcasted.

Why I want to be a fake face though one may say, and this is based on survival, it’s a learned behavior only done by humans to put on a fake face to impress others one’s abilities and capabilities even if it is false or unfounded, if you can fake it you can make it mentality. This based on humans living within judgment, separation, and abuse towards each other for greed and power. So being a loser is a huge point of fear as I see myself within being associated with this word at a lose, outcasted, abused, and thus not being able to survive with others and get what I desire.

Also, within being called a loser, it’s a point of being degraded and made to feel less then others, and so being called this brings a lot of fear, and so when I see that I may or could be perceived as a loser, I will go into suppression within my expression in fear of being seen as less then others or being called this name. I didn’t want to be seen as different and not part of the group because within being a loser and out casted, you are no one, you are not liked, and thus life because much more difficult and strained, you become the target of abuse because you are now weak. Interesting how I and we as humans, so easily will put another into this position as a loser, claiming it’s not a big deal, it’s just a little poking fun, it’s the way nature is. But it’s not, it’s most certainly is deliberate, a point of putting another in their place, and showing others who you are in relation to them/that other, that I am superior and you are a loser. Human nature does not have to be this way, in abuse and separation towards others; we can be as equals and live ni harmony with others through stopping this behavior. Though within being the one who is being out casted, I know that its not fun and games and jokes, when I am the one being called it’s a real big deal, it’s hurtful, and it cause a lot of stress and anxiety within me.

I will walk self forgiveness in the next blog and redefine this word.

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Day 148 – Stupid Character –Emotions and Thought Self Forgiveness – Part 7

Here is a list of blogs I recommend looking at for further reference:

Day 142- “Stupid” Character- Part 1 - Intro
Day 143- Stupid Character – Fear Dimension Self Forgiveness – Part 2
Day 144- Stupid Character – Survival and Competition Self Forgiveness – Part 3
Day 145- Stupid Character- Outcasted and Taking Things Personally Self Forgiveness – Part 4
Day 146- Stupid Character- Memory Dimension
Day 147- Stupid Character – Memory Dimension – Self Commitment Statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be stupid based on the emotions of self disappointment and sadness that came up when being called stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thoughts that ‘I am stupid because I was called this’ and thus live into this as seeing myself in little moments of being stupid and accentuating the moments where I did not live to my best and so created proof within myself by overanalyzing the acts that were not done to my best to prove to myself that I am this and sabotage myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over accentuate and over analyze actions in my living that were not lived to my best ability and thus justify my thought that ‘I am stupid because I was called this’ with these actions and thus allowing and accepting the self disappointment to grow within me as I have allowed myself to define myself by this point of living as ‘stupid’ so I could stay in this character and not have to face those that called me this, and my own feelings of fearing facing who I am within myself as judging myself in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing who I am within myself because I see that within this facing myself I will have to change this point of self disappointment where I will have to push my living to live in a more structured and prepared way to understand and thus correct my living that is not done in the best way possible I can live, and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this thought that ‘I am stupid’ based on hearing it from others and so live into this point of seeing myself in this way, where I didn’t push myself in living but hide and escaped within this idea of myself that I can’t do certain things like face others I see as better then me, and thus live into this self diminishment point, wasting time and my own capabilities to make something more of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what others say about me is so and thus believe the thoughts that I am these words spoken to me, and thus live in self diminishment as I have accepted myself to be this way by defining myself by my outside world instead of realizing who I am in my own self application and understanding as life in the physical and stopping my mind from directing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time and my own self development and growth due to fear of facing others and thus went more into my mind and diminished myself believing the thoughts of less then and believing the energies as self disappointment and sadness are who I am within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe thoughts as if they are real and believe feelings and emotions as if they define who I am, I realize I have to breath through these energies and thoughts to walk as the physical and be here as the physical, as life is the physical and the mind is not life it is energy which is not real.

I commit myself to stop and breath when I feel any reaction come up of sadness or disappointment when being called stupid or hear the word stupid as I realize it is a word and thus I am not defined by this word, and so use words for what they are, and let go of the words that have no purpose but to separate life.

I commit myself to breath through all energy reactions as sadness and disappointment and realize that I am not defined by emotions so walk here within the physical in what I am doing, and let go of the belief that I am the emotions I am feeling as I realize I am here as the physical, so breath and remain as the physical.

I commit myself to stop following thoughts and let go of the energies as emotions when I hear the word stupid by breathing to stabilize myself and realizing I am not defined by a word, I am equal to it thus I can direct it and use it for it’s purpose as is.

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2012, bullying, capitalism, character, depression, desteni,dumb,eqafe,equality, how to deal with bullies, judging self, no friends,outcast,peer groups,school, stupid competition, survival, surviving

Day 147- Stupid Character – Memory Dimension – Self Commitment Statements

Here is a list of blogs I recommend looking at for further reference:

Day 142- “Stupid” Character- Part 1 - Intro
Day 143- Stupid Character – Fear Dimension Self Forgiveness – Part 2
Day 144- Stupid Character – Survival and Competition Self Forgiveness – Part 3
Day 145- Stupid Character- Outcasted and Taking Things Personally Self Forgiveness – Part 4
Day 146- Stupid Character- Memory Dimension

I commit myself to let go of the memories of being called stupid in front of the class  and letting go of the charge of negativity as restrictions to the word stupid realizing that stupid is a word and so just see it for what it is not being defined by it by stopping the reactions to it.

I commit myself to stop the feelings of embarrassment and shame from directing me through breathing through it when I hear the word stupid, where in I don’t accept the memory to have power over me by realizing and remaining here in my breath, as the past nor the future are real, letting go of the energy charge that is attached to the memory and walking here as the physical.

I commit myself to breath through the desire to go into inferiority and submit into the belief that I am this stupid personality as I realize I am not the mind as these feelings and emotions, but here in the physical as the physical, thus breathing through the desire to go into the suppression and depression and remaining here as my breath and interacting with others to help remain here as the physical.

I commit myself to stop the point of movement within me when I here the word stupid and thus stop the point of re-creating the energy of feeling less then, walking as the physical and moving myself here in breath so thus I can let go of this desire to go into the suppression.

I commit myself to realize that when spoken of this word by another that this is a reflection of them and their own state of mind, so thus to understand this and not take the words personally as I walk who I am in equality and support to help others realize that speaking in separation of another is only diminishing oneself, walking as an example to show that that is not the way to live.

I commit myself to breath through the desire to go into restriction in my physical as I breath through the memory and the energy that is attached to it so thus I can stand no matter what word is spoken as I have realized it doesn’t define who I am.

I commit myself to let go of self judgment when called this by another and stand in the face of any word spoken to me as I am the living word and thus can live all words as me in realization that I am equal to the word as it is and that the mind in separation will carry a charge, so thus realizing this, and not accepting the energy charge to direct me by breathing through it and letting it go. 

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2012, bullying, capitalism, character, depression, desteni, dumb,eqafe,equality, how to deal with bullies, judging self, no friends, outcast,peer groups,school, stupid competition, survival, surviving

Day 146- Stupid Character- Memory Dimension

Walking here on a portion of writing from an earlier blog, here is the list of blogs I recommend looking at for further reference:

Day 142- “Stupid” Character- Part 1 - Intro
Day 143- Stupid Character – Fear Dimension Self Forgiveness – Part 2
Day 144- Stupid Character – Survival and Competition Self Forgiveness – Part 3
Day 145- Stupid Character- Outcasted and Taking Things Personally Self Forgiveness – Part 4


So there is the fear of being outcasted due to the stigma or stereotype of being seen as a stupid person within this peer group, as I have memories of myself being called this, and thus what happened to me as being outcasted and alienated from my group of friends imprinted within me, and thus to this day I activate it as a fear of being alone/outcasted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories of being called stupid at school and thus when ever this word is spoken in my world, I will react in a restriction based on this memory of me being called this in front of my class at the chalkboard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel diminished and restricted when I hear the word stupid or retard or dumbass even in a joking manner, where I will go into restrictions and diminishment within myself based on accessing this memory of being called this in school in front of my class mates, and thus define myself by the feelings that I felt when was called this in the memory of being embarrassed and ashamed and thus go into a point of depression within myself as if to say and pin me into this place of self inferiority where I remind myself that this is who I am, I am not equal with others, because I am holding onto these memories as reminders to let me know that I am ‘stupid’, so don’t even try and act as if I am not, as I believe who I am is defined by my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock myself into a personality suit as the stupid character in where I will become this within energy experiences as shame and becoming uncomfortable in my body where I will immediately see myself as less then others, and fall in line within this, where I will censor my thoughts, words, and actions, and so become like robotic and unnatural in my movements because it’s not a natural expression, but done in fear and uneasiness because I am having this memory come through that I am a fuck up and that others see me in this way so then living in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by a memory of being called stupid in front of the class and thus defining myself as someone less then others based on believing that being called out in this way has now put me in the character of being this in my life, but I realize that for this to be true for me then I must live into it, I was re-create it and i do this through recreating and participating in this memory of accessing shame and uncomfortableness through the trigger point as the word stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this belief that who I am is defined by my past and how I was spoken to in these memories based on a perception I held that this is who I am if I was called this, not taking into consideration the state of mind of the boys in the room and who they were in relation to saying it to me, so to realize that when people speak words to me it’s to not go into the point of taking it personally, but to walk the understanding of the being saying it as to say this in an attempt to diminish another is based on a self acceptance of insecurity within oneself, so understanding this and walking the point in stbaliltiy to support and assit the person if I see that I can. I am not defined by words from another as I am the living word and define myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the feelings of embarrassment and shame when found that I was called stupid, and thus whenever this word is spoken access the energy as the memory, where I will go into a tension and restriction within myself as I have become embarrassed and ashamed again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access energy within the memory of being called stupid as embarrassment and shame based on believing that I am inferior to those that called me this due to a self judgment I have placed on myself as less then and was activated through this word through the memory and thus the re-living of this feeling of being inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior due to a word based on fearing what others think of me when called this and thus define myself by how others are seeing me, missing who I am and my own self respect and integrity in myself.

More to follow in tomorrows blog.

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2012, bullying, capitalism, character, depression, desteni, dumb, eqafe,equality, how to deal with bullies, judging self, no friends, outcast, peer groups,school, stupid competition, survival, surviving

Day 145- Stupid Character- Outcasted and Taking Things Personally Self Forgiveness – Part 4

Walking here on a portion of writing from an earlier blog, here is the list of blogs I recommend looking at for further reference:

Day 142- “Stupid” Character- Part 1 - Intro
Day 143- Stupid Character – Fear Dimension Self Forgiveness – Part 2
Day 144- Stupid Character – Survival and Competition Self Forgiveness – Part 3


So there is the fear of being outcasted due to the stigma or stereotype of being seen as a stupid person within this peer group, as I have memories of myself being called this, and thus what happened to me as being outcasted and alienated from my group of friends imprinted within me, and thus to this day I activate it as a fear of being alone/outcasted. Thus within this being alone and being seen as the outcast, is what I fear the most, as the feelings of being outcasted were not cool and being called the stupid one, is a point I took personally and made it real. I believed within being called this that I was limiting my chances of getting what I desire as money, men, sex, good job, and a good life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined and influenced by others words towards me, where in I am defining myself by how others speak to me, and if it is not in the way of feeling good/positive, I go into depression/negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus go into defining myself by the influence of how others see me, being trapped into the polarity playout of seeing myself within acceptance or not based on how others are speaking to me and their mannerism towards me when interaction, then going into my mind and calculating by past memories if it aligned with an acceptance or if I was being rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on the my mind as past memories of others acceptance of me or not through specific movements, words, and actions towards me and thus accept myself based on this being approved by me or disapproved by me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by how others see me based on holding onto a memory of being called stupid by my peers and thus imprinting in me the way I was seen and treated once I was labeled as this, and so started to change myself in accordance with this perception I gathered towards others in my world based on how they treated me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within a memory and thus define myself in each moment forward when I am with those in my age group based on the trigger points of how they speak to me or move around me, and thus will determine where I stand with others based on the perception of being seen within my own eyes as ‘accepted’ by them or ‘rejected’ by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be accepted by others in my peer group based on a fear of being rejected, so thus I will change my behavior and mannerism to be more outgoing and fun, and thus if I assess any pint that I was rejected, I will go into a reclusion with others within even simple points of beings not answering a question I asked, and within me taking it personally, but later I found it was based on them not hearing me or a point that had no relevance to me. I realize within this point of taking things personally and defiling myself by others I will never be truly content and peaceful within myself because this is an impossible point as it’s based on the polarity of good/bad, there will always be both polarities at play in various dimensions and various times, so thus I will be creating a complete mind fuck for myself every time I am with others because I am not here with my physical, but in my mind trying to be someone I am not, a picture in my mind of how I think I am being perceived by others, instead of being here and walking the reality of who I am as I am living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being outcasted based on holding on to the memory of being outcasted by my friends in the past, and thus within myself lived into this point seeing myself as the outcast and thus became reclusive and quiet with those in this age group, so I wouldn’t be bothered and imposed on by others as I fear conflict and being called out again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take others words or movements towards me personally when in fact I did not know the thinking behind it or where the person is in their life and so I am only creating a consequence for myself of separating myself from others due to this point of feeling good/bad about what someone says or does towards me and thus defining who I am according to the perception I have made on how another sees/speaks to me. If I want to be free, I have to direct and define myself here and accept life as it is, so thus I can change it to be what is best for all and thus what is best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the person who has outcasted another in seeing myself superior to another and thus making them feel less then me because within myself I judged them within what they looked like or how they acted, and thus assessed within this judgment that I am better, so thus creating and accepting the outcasted point in my world and thus it was created as me as I have accepted it to be instead of standing equal to life and accepting all as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself create a polarity of in and out where in I have created a point of separation through comparison and judgment and thus inequality within who I am, when I realize that we are all the same as life, and thus there is no point in comparison and judgment as it only separates me from others, and thus separates me from life as life is all and I am life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus play into the polarity of fearing not getting what I desired as I have only defined myself based on the approval of others and if they see me as worthy or not, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting what I want based on defining myself by others and thus linking my desires to others approval of me, which cause me to seek outside influence instead of being here as myself and walking my own self acceptance through understanding who I am in what I do and who I am with others stopping this point of living for others and thus live for self here one and equal with life as the physical.

I commit myself to stop the point of taking things personally by focusing on myself and breathing through the moments were I want to go into this point as I see that it will only create consequences for me of going into the polarity of better/worse, and so stand equal in what matters which is us as the physical and keep it simple with moving myself as others as life in the physical in solutions that will help life become better for all.

I commit myself to stop the fear of being outcasted by letting go of the memories of being called name and being outcasted by my group of friends as I realize that I am not defined by who I am with or who are my friends, but I define me here, and thus can be content with myself no matter where I am, that is true freedom by realizing that we are all here and thus just living this realization of equalizing myself with life and living this in my daily living.

I commit myself to stop all points of comparison and judgments within thoughts and walk the correction by stopping participation in them, realizing that life is equal in all its forms, to separate myself from this based on the judgments is not worth it as life is best in equality with all as this is what is real.

I commit myself to let go of all fear of being rejected as well as this desire to be accepted by others and thus walk my own self movement, my own physical process, where in I am not defined by any being but my own principles in my life in what is best for all life.

2012, bullying, character, depression, desteni, dumb, eqafe, equality, how to deal with bullies, judging self, no friends, outcast, peer groups,school,stupid
competition, survival, surviving, capitalism