Day 22 - Sleeping for rest or for mind upgardes - i always decide

 

I have been sleeping more and more lately where i been getting up right when i need to leave, which i would like to get some things done before i leave, i see that when i first wake up, my mind is the most active, making it's way to my awareness and pulling me into itself as my self as i start participating in fears of what if. The discipline and self movement in the morning first waking up will set the day up either in more suppression and struggle or self directive will as an expression of creating myself in what is best for me and so all. Its an act of being productive through self movement, a physical get up and go and moving forward, considering my body and all my cells as myself, and in this the understanding that life is not limited in the expression of what self can do and live, there is many potentials of expression each moment. So start with the small as practically there is a limitation of what i can physically do so common sense is needed every moment, and so i practice and live this as what i can do in my day to day and in this it strengthens and builds over time. 

So after sleeping when i open my eyes, i am seeing that there is these fears of dreading the day, what i will face, and if anything uncertain will happen. I find the fears of worst case scenarios will flood my mind and in this i will become weakened in my breathing and in my letting go, i will fall into emotions and start going into self judgments and points that i myself have no control over and do not have full context. Also i have too many things i want to get done so i become unmotivated to do anything because again the belief that its too much or i don't know where to start, all just distractions really and keep me stuck in the past and in thoughts and literally in myself/my bed/physical reality. 

The understanding is to get out of the mind through breathing and letting go of the thoughts, literally let them go, if they continue without the ability to direct, going to writing is suggested to sort out what ever is repeating in ones thoughts/memories, through self investigation and self forgiveness self can flesh it out and figure out how to correct it. It takes a lot of practice, so don't give up as the mind will push this on self often, its desire is energy and not what is best for all life, so self has to take the directive pricniple back and see how to live it for self. That is the beauty of the writing and speaking self forgiveness to understand how to correct self and where, usually self knows cause it's common sense but it will be worked through as one sticks with these tools. I have not yet applied myself satisfactory in this point of letting go and walking as breath, in and out, feeling the breath feed my physical body as i as my physical embrace it and release it back to myself as the earth to them take it in and give it back for me to take in, but i see the point and i am committed to live this as myself until it is done. In essence i am seeing that it's a giving to myself as all here as i do for me i do for others and vise versa as all is one and equal. I am finding to not hold onto to anything, let it go, purify with self forgiveness and recreate self here alwasy in living principles until they are natural, they are self, who you really are, i have separated myself from life for a bit and now i am walking back to life fully, i never was fully lost, but i am actually a whole being as life, no need for separation, we are all one as the same yet equal as beings in living expression. A fascinating real-i-zation indeed and in sound. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in the morning wake up with the belief that i am doomed for the rest of the day/my life and i have no control over the destruction of what is going to happen based on the thoughts that are coming up as in the world is scary, people are not trustworthy, the world is going to end, we are going to not make it. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the state of the badness of the world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the state of this world and go into anger in myself when i wake up about how messed up everything is.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into worst case scenarios within and as me where i am seeing the bad only and not the expression and potentials that exist in each moment as we are here and living in this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the what ifs of this reality where life could be this way or could be that way, instead of working with what is here as myself and my self honesty where i stand within a point of self introspection and self forgiveness and let go and move forward. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the past recreating preprogrammed moments of memory that exist here in the present moment that is here and so recreate myself as mind as memory instead of living here and creating myself as life in what is best for all as common sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try and figure things out with my mind instead of letting it go and seeing how life plays out and in this direct in the moment in the principles of life in what is best and doing unto another as how i'd like done onto me and in this live this as myself in the physical not in the mind as thought automation. 

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories and the past because it feels comfortable and safe as i know what to expect and don't need to really push myself beyond my boundaries.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to push myself beyond my boundaries and not stand within a point of life giving and standing within what is best to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sleep past my commitment time and not wake up due to the belief of being tired when i see i have gotten rest and i am only participating in my mind as thoughts and memories and thus allowing the mind as emotions/thoughts and feelings take over instead of self directing me here.

I commit myself to let go of the judgment and blame of myself and others, i forgive myself and live in a way of breathing and creating my day.

I commit myself to create my morning with walking up at 6am doing some writing and drinking coffee, along with exercise and prepping for the day.

I commit myself to walk up on my alarm and not stay in bed to rest. 

I commit myself to let go of the thoughts of i am tired as i see i am life and life is not tired and doesn't require to sleep but the body as the physical as me requires rest.

I commit myself to let go of fear and take responsibility for myself and share myself to support others as how i'd like to be supported.

When and as i see i want to go into thoughts and become lazy as automation, i stop and breath, i remain in breath and create myself in a way that is best for all in this moment, i will write when i am not clear and do self forgiveness until i am clear. 

I commit myself to live and do my best and bring and give this to others as a gift i can give and would like to receive as the best living potential for us all. 

more at:

desteni.org

lite.desteni.org

Day 17 - Illusion is Self

I have for many years not realized the power of illusion, this is not as i write a justification for accepting and allowing myself to be in an illusion, it's more understanding it now from a perspective where I have actually lived many out and realized after the fact of consequences playing out that I did not necessarily want to create, but due to the illusion i was in, I created it. An illusion is something that is seemingly real, but is not. Reality being that which exist and is consistent over time and testing, becomes fact or truth. 

Definitions:

• Illusion: An appearance or perception that is not aligned with objective reality. It is often shaped by misinterpretations, assumptions, or desires, leading to a distorted or imagined understanding of the world. Illusions can arise from internal factors (e.g., beliefs, emotions) or external stimuli that are misleading.

• Reality: The state of things as they objectively exist, independent of perception or interpretation. Reality is governed by facts, physical laws, and truths that are consistent regardless of individual viewpoints.

So for me, I was so embedded in the mind consciousness system which operates from the thinking processes, beliefs, emotions and feelings, I did not consider the reality of what it is I was participating in and creating. This is what i have created as a point of deception within everything that I have accepted myself to be, illusion - something not real, based on self desires/percpetions/thinking, and in this not aligned with actual reality, what is in fact real and going in, this is a big problem cause i am a creator in this reality, I am creating what is here. This is not a judgment or an exaggeration, but for me a realization and fact to be true, everything in an illusion is being created in the physical and becuase it's not based on reality, one is creating fuckedness, not best for all, where many suffer to great extents. This i also found is done in selfishness and also lack of awareness, not fully understanding, but there is a point of innocence and also self honesty when it's being used as an escape and excuse. 

I was not always able to see at times the obvious reality of what i was participating in, but often through the addiction i snap out of it and realize of shit, I am in reality and this is not what is actually happening, this illusion is a fake. In the illusion, thoughts come such as 'oh, it's not that bad', 'i am not harming anyone, it's just for a moment to feel good' (red flag!), 'everyone is doing it', 'i have no effect' and the thoughts continue. They don't start off intense or intrusive, but as i participate in such thoughts, it grows and expands, and the mind consciousness system multiplies within self is a being and alive and aware, and thus is expanding itself for survival, just as we as humans are doing, trying to survive and in this cope. 

Coping is not living, so the point of illusion is an important point to take notice of I have found, where is it that one is allowing the points of thinking, building on stories in one's mind, and not cross-referencing it, not investigating it due to justification (also part of self as mind consciousness), justifications of 'this is what i am seeing as best', 'this is how it is', 'this person said it was ok', but these are thoughts one is thinking, not cross-referencing it in reality if it is actually true and best for all life. I found I was abdicating responsibility, which i do like spreading butter, so easily, it comes so naturally, but the implications and consequences of this sort of illusionary living in my individual realities and realities as a whole is dire. 

We see these dire circumstances in our realities where most of the world is living in undignified living conditions, every 5 minutes a child is raped, animals are being slaughtered and abused extensively to extinction, I mean, the understanding for myself that I am actually directly responsible and participating in such atrocities that no being ever would like to live in nor create, is unfathomable, but true, self is part of this creation. This is a daunting task to realize as it requires self will to keep moving forward after the realization of such pain and horror being inflicted on life beings equal and one to myself, and the only difference between us in this world is that i have money to secure my point in this world, where many don't. 

An @equalmoneysystem will end such abuse overnight, this based on reality, not illusion, what is needed and what is best for all through the currents and medium as money in this world, money being our god, but doesn't have to be, it can be a vehicle for life, where all life is cared for and equalized for love to be lived for real and for all. So I am not blaming or pointing fingers, but making a note on the reality of what i within myself have been facing these last few years specifically and the reality of what we are seeing in our world, not peace, not love for all, and not safety for all, where it's getting more uncertain, dire, and intense for so many. 

Identifying and using self forgiveness to release the illusion and come to the senses of what is best for all life is a step forward in ending the suffering for life, and birthing through self as individuals each walk their point to a 'new' world where life is available for all and exemplifies within all's living, a great world for all and one i would enjoy equally. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by my desire to stay in an illusion because it is easier for the moment then facing the reality of myself as what i have created as fucked up circumstances through my direct participation in this world and the equal and one connection to the all on this earth by my thoughts, words, and actions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek my own self satisfaction in my world as my self when i see, realize, and understand in great degree that what i was participating in was not best and thus in that accepting and allowing the suffering and ills of this world to proliferate.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish in the face of suffering in this world and reality by going into my illusions as fantasies and not considering the reality i was missing right here cause i was not able to see, blinded by the light/love of my desires fulfilled in the illusion i was playing within in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to escape my life and circumstances within illusion instead of working with the moment and standing up within the moment, taking self responsibility, and stopping, using self forgiveness and living change so life can emerge within and as this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall time and time again to fear as illusion where i see that i am actually resisting facing myself and the points of self deception i myself have participated in and allowed to continue.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe illusion is too hard to stop, when i see, realize, and understand its within working with common sense and what is factually happening in this reality through time and testing to see if it stands stable.

I commit myself to stop illusions by investigating them as they come up in sound or writing with self forgiveness and finding the reality based solutions that can be implemented in my reality to help build my life in truth and fact rather then lies and falseness as the illusions i am making up.

I commit myself to stop using illusion as thinking to define my world, and work with simple math and what is here in the moment as breath, working moment to moment in common sense and what factually will build a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop self interest introspection and push my self to look at what is best for all as life one and equal and live this in the moments that illusion wants to pop up and direct me. 

Illusion is a distraction that is deadly and cause much suffering, self does not need illusions to live, the mind does. Self is the mind and also self is the illusion, self is also the solution always, I am working to be more reality based here in the moment as breath and do what is best for all life as best i can assess through my own illusions and working with the life tools, breathe, self forgiveness, and self change, stopping fear to be here and do what is best for all. 

Thanks for reading. 

Next blog on - relationship commitment fears.www.desteni.org
www.equalmoney.org
www.creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

Self Help course to start the journey to life:
lite.desteniiprocess.com

Physical Life/Self - What I have Learned through Desteni and Eqafe - Day 597

I listened recently to the ants interviews on eqafe.com, the ants come through the portal at desteni and discuss about how they are operating currently in a survival type enviroment, they themselves are not seeking survival means, though they had a lot to say about human consciousness effect on the enviroment. This I will continue in my next blogs.

Consciousness of the Ant - 

Part 1 on Eqafe.com

First though, I'd like to discuss a bit about the difference between the physical/natural world and the human mind/consciousness, this to the best of my ability based on what I have studied of the subject with desteni for the last 11 plus years and within my own personal journey within many sources the past 17 years, so it's been a lot of my life. I am no expert, but I have been studying diligently, and the main point I have found that cause a disruption between the natural physical world and the human being is the fact that there is a lack of connection from the human mind/consciousness we are particpating in and this physical existence as life source. As we look around us, there is a distinctive difference between the natural world and human being's system world, I would say it's more undeniably clear then not and I am seeing many would agree with me on this, humans world is distinct amongst all life here. The buildings made of concrete, the structures as boxes we live in, the boxes we move around in, and the boxes we locate in throughout the day and into our personal living spaces (if we are lucky and have money).

Otherwise, you are in the wild/natural world, this world though is beautiful and magnificent in it's creational wonders and mysteries as gifts of the ever pulse of life itself, our wild/natural world on this planet has become brutal. Survival is the functioning mechanism at the moment of our natural world as human's in our quest for consumption have degraded a lot of the natural order and laws of this physical world. This due to the fact that human's haven't realized and thus forgot who we are, part of the natural world, one and equal, and thus do in fact have the ability to live this as ourselves and amongst the natural world in peace and co-habitation simply by living the natural order and law of all of existence - treat all life as how you would like to be treated, give before you receive and thus no want as you will be fulfilled, and all life is one and equal and thus all life is only ever in consideration in what is best for all.

Human beings have lost that connection with ourselves as our life force/source by particpating in the mind consciousness system - thinking and reacting, and thus fell from grace and lost our connection with ourselves as life itself. The key is taking self responsibility for self in this moment, and finding the will within self to understand who one is as the mind/consciousness and your current behavior that is causing harm to yourself and so others, and changing it within self first. Proving that who you are to all life as all life is aware, that you will no longer cause harm and will in fact be part of the solution to the best of your ability, and live that.

So as a human being, the mind as our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are a source point for the mind system machine inside us all and sucking dry the physical life source and thus our physical body until one day we die cause the body could no longer handle the stress and damage the mind was having on it. The body dies in doing it's utmost to live, the being within as the self is in shame and regret and will face oneself to the fullest degree in the afterlife. As Bernard spoke many times, this is our last life and there is consequence. The mind is a programmed system from within the  interdimenionsal existence of ourselves which is our inner worlds, and is being powered by our very act of thinking in our heads, this is not to become afraid, but to understand the circumstances we find ourselves in because there is always solutions to this, the solution has been lived and is being taught through the #desteni networks, #earthhaven, and eqafe.com platforms.

This has been discussed throughout the eqafe and desteni material, through the portal and the participants who have expressed on topics of all parts of life and the mind consciousness system, thousands of videos, writings, and sharings on these points have been expressed over the last 15 years since the portal opened on youtube. There is a process of support and networks all ready to support you on this journey of self discovery and adventure, to eventually embrace the mind as self and use it as it was intended, a tool for self creation. Through the tools of self forgiveness and living the change that is best for all life, we can in fact start to restore the magnificence of self as a life being here and thus once again restore order on our beautiful home and mother earth and make peace with all the co-inhabitants of this earth. Peace is a different state of living and being, it takes many steps based on the state of where each human being is at and the extent of mind programming one has to walk through, though it is possible, as the impossible is simply the initial phase of the self creation process of i am possible.

So do not fear, but start the first step, this is where i started and each being does on there journey to self as life, there are resources and support teams out there to help, so connect with us/me on facebook and lets help/support each other in loving and caring way. It took many years for myself to get into a relatively stable self, I am able to use the tools of desteni as self forgiveness to stabilize myself and get to a baseline grounding point, and it is worth every tear, sweat, and suffering that came about in this journey. We are capable, we are self responsible, we can make this world a place where our children in all walks of life are free. It's time. Enjoy self always and keep a balance of mental rest/relaxation through giving this to your physical self/body. Also, connecting to animals and nature is also great support for self balance, I highly suggest. Take care and big hug.

Check out the weekly chats on destonian.com, they can be every day with the portal, or Monday, Fridays, and Saturday's for sure at 9pm SA time.
Looking forward to meeting you there.

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com - Beginner Course in Desteni I Process
http://www.eqafe.com - Library of Existence
www.destonians.com - Desteni Group Support Network
https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesteniUniverse/ - Desteni Group Facebook Page
https://www.facebook.com/WLthroughgarbseyes - My Personal DIP Sharing
http://www.desteni.org - Main Website
www.patreon.com/earthhaven - Life Community Building Network

It's So Easy to React, Isn't It? But to Give is to Receive, no? - Day 588

Today I had a moment where I realized how much I have been allowing myself to react to my reality, react to the people in it, react to the noises, the hiccups, the interruptions, the pace, there is reactions everywhere, this is because it has become so easy to just react, release the built-up energy, and give into the experience of what it is I am facing in a way of self compromise and self insecurity. There is the motion of it, there is no effort, it comes, I live into the reaction, boom I am the reaction, and then I start creating myself into that reaction. The havoc that is lived out from the moment I decided to live into the reaction is unpredictable in it's scope and measure, once the energy has died out and I have 'calmed' down from the events playing out, I go into guilt, shame, and regret for what I had just participated in.

And then the cycle repeats, and one creates another round of emotional havoc on the body and in one's environment, potentially causing irreversible damage and consequence, which creates the spiraling into guilt, shame, and regret once again. The only point that I have found that has led me to ignore or forget the inevitable pattern of abuse I live out when I live into reactions is space and time, it moves slower and we have allowed the forgetfulness of our past to become part of who we are, who we have become, but how can we actually forgot something we have created in this reality? We must know deep down that this never goes away, who we are is recorded in our flesh and so we will face who have become in this life and if necessary the next. Though we are the creators so we can 'pretend' and so live as the 'I have forgotten my own abusive behavior' pattern, which will cycle the repeated pattern of abuse I continually accept and allow as my creation here in this life/reality and our home, it repeat and repeat until we stop, until we say no more, and we actually live the change to be a better version as self. Understand this is a self process, no one else, but self, so get in tune with who you are, your inner voice, the voice of life that is you, cherish that as that will be your guide in self-honesty, your beingness essentially is what I see it as for now.

What is different and empowering about the Desteni process that I have yet to find in other sources is the actual understanding and living of the knowledge of how to be a better human being in this world, who supports and nurtures all life equal and one to one's own life, how to physically, actually figure this out and do it. The step by steps are laid out in this site along with the other networks associated with desteni, those who are willing and ready to walk this jounrey will do so, nothing will stand in life's way in this regard. The question always comes back to self in who am I? Who are you? That is the question indeed. So one can indeed then implement and commit to the path of life, what is best for all as oneself by practicing the principles of self honesty, self forgiveness, self introspection, and self commitment, actually apply this, live it, and not give up until you have gotten it, it is all here, as the question is asked, the anwser will appear. This has been extremely true in my process, life is a gift, an adventure, and fun along with the reality always that it is in need of immediate change into equal life for all, never losing sight of this point until it is here and self is as one and equal with all.

These principles or living words that is here and taught/practiced in the desteni process and on eqafe intersect and split apart the cyclical patterns of abuse that I have accepted and allowed to playout in my life, it creates a 'remembrance' of who one is in one's action in the past because self was present in those moments, getting a grip and understanding of who one is, why one is, where one needs to go to be a better version, and the steps are walked step by step to become and emerge as the better version you saw the potential you could be, this is seen in the self forgiveness and self-commitment statements. This is the path to life, eternal life, and a world that is best for all, it's in the individual into the the collective equal and one as self.

It is easy to live into energy, live into the reactions, live into the mind, but this is only because we have made it a habit, it's become ingrained, and thus can be undone and how about we make our habits where I as self-support myself to be the best I can be as me as my every breath in my everyday life and we all do this? Where the better version of ourselves where those who seek help and support from are here, willing, able, and educated on how to be of support to stand as an example as the best possible potential one can be, and so one becomes a teacher and a leader in this regard of what one themselves have mastered in the principles of life, being an example of what is possible and what we erroneously allowed ourselves to forget, we are the gift, we are life. To be a master, one has to walk 10000 steps or do 10000 hours of a task. Are you willing to start this journey? Are you on your way? I can tell you all the steps in the world are worth more than any path of least resistance in giving into reaction, creating harm, and being the lesser version of a being you know you can be.

How about our habit is to give life and thus receive it equally so? Live the words 'give' first, and so receive without want as you are creating it within the act of giving itself, it is a beautiful thing and creates real beauty in this life. This journey I am eternally grateful for especially for all those who have come before to stand in my stead as I give to myself the ability to stand and do what is best in self honesty, self forgiveness, and living my change for all life to be one and equal until it's done and so do this for others as I have been given.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org

www.patreon.com/earthhaven

How to Live the Word Extreme that Service All Life - My Findings - Day 587

Extreme

Continuing with living this word for myself, i wrote some sf and a blog last night on this word and the programming within it, and found it was due to the extremes of energy distractions i have lived into in the positive as indulging in these feelings, being happy, being excited, being curious, being elated, ect. in a way how i physically stand within these points in my body is it's a rush to my head from my solar plexus/stomach area in many cases and warm sensations come over my body and within my head area i am following a line of thoughts, pictures, and im off somewhere in my mind in a way distracting me from the self responsibility I am to face, understand, and change within walking my desteni i process of self forgiveness, self honesty, and living change until it is done.

The polarity of these extremes has been wanting to rebel against the system and those i blame for creating it, underneath that I found deep petrification of survival and death, so still working through these memories, though the realization and change process i am seeing to walk and in a way have redefined this word extreme to be from the outer world as my behaviors through the mind as separation in positive chase for the experience of feeling good for a moment and so balancing it out with the negative experiences of most fear, instead flipping the script and working with the word from the within to the without of self.

I am redefining the word extreme to be an inner fire, passion, that point of life essence that is burning inside of me, pushing, gentle yet in the ultimate strength of never giving up, never giving up on life here in what is best, and using that will as self as my realization and understanding of who i am as life, as the source, as the solution into my expression for all to learn from, be supported by as I have been supported, and creating life here, through the worst, coming through the ashes like a phoenix, that life force that makes it possible to breath and live, that is what extreme i will live, for life, the passion and fire that burns within to use as a force for what is best as my own self will, as my own living word, as who i am in all ways until it is done.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

www.destonians.com

http://www.desteni.org

http://www.earthhaven.org

Self Forgiveness (Day 5): The 'I am too Tired' Mind Demon - Day 583

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

Recently I have been looking at the act of apathy and laziness, what causes me to become in a way lethargic within my mind and body, and so my living? What I have realized it comes down to thoughts, there are specific thoughts that will be triggered and when triggered the decision to go into them and become 'lazy' and not push myself to do what is needed to be done will become my living application. So I see it simplistically, though deeper into this there is a deep desire to be comforted and cared for by the things in my life and within this, I am not in fact living an equality balance and thus the consequence of this is a point of not being able to live my highest potential. 

Self Forgiveness on the thoughts of apathy/laziness and the consequences that follow:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thought that i am too tired to do this or that, i will get to it later, i can do it tomorrow' and thus i see, realize, and understand with these thoughts that i will follow and live into, i become lazy and comatose in a way where i do not apply myself in my reality hardly at all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and apathetic in moments where i secretly have thoughts that i don't want to deal with or face this person or that problem and so go into the easy way of living my life where i don't push my boundaries and say stuck in the same perpetual cycle of entertaining myself as distraction in things that have no matter to what is relevant as this world and being part of a solution for what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use apathy and laziness as a way to distract myself to not face myself in my head/being and living and thus postpone my change process in what is best and thus postpone the potential change effect i can have on this world at large for the better.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts of i am tired to stop me from moving within the physical in my potential in the moments i am here and thus lose the opportunity for transcendence to be the better version i realize and have proven i can be, but stop and let it go for an easy high that is fleeting and false and thus will inevitably lead to my own self destruction and thus the destruction of the physical.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become so selfish and self absorbed within my own self pity that i have not a care in the world for what is real, what is suffering in this reality, and what effect i am having on the world as my footprint and thus my influence for better or worse and thus lose the potential creation process of life here in equality and oneness that only i can create and give to the world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live in self pity due to beliefs of self harm and lack instead of realizing that the potential for change is always here and that the idea of lack is an illusion as i am always and able to create myself here in each breath in the process of self creation as i move thus accumulating value of self worth as i become worthy as my living word as flesh in physical reality in honor and giving of myself to all for what is best thus equally giving this to myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who are lazy and apathetic in there life, not realizing and seeing that this was just a distraction point because i didn't want to face myself and thus walk the change process that is here to move when the opportunity is here to do so and push with everything i got for life as self in what is best.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give half ass effort and distract myself with entertainment and say i don't have time for life work as process and thus miss me here in my own responsibility to move myself and do what is best.

I commit myself to stop judging others and move myself when i see i am going into judging as this is a sign of self-depreciation and self abuse as i am showing in how i am living.

I commit myself to when the opportunity opens up to create self i seize it and live and stop all thoughts in there tracks with breath as i transcend and live my words of movement, doing, and self-creation.

I commit myself to push my limits each day until i am equal and one to live here in the physical as breath and life is best for all.

I commit myself to live the words discipline and perseverance as i push myself as breath and move through all resistances until transcendence and i am a creator of life in what is best in all i do and live as me.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org
http://www.earthhaven.org

Self Forgiveness (Day 4): The Elixir of the Mind/Separation - Day 582

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

Here I am looking at the desires that come up within me during my day, there is always something looming within, like a thirst that can not be quenched, a movement that I am reaching for, but is just out of my reach, a churning in the pit of my stomach for a taste of this sweet sweet nectar of getting my desires fulfilled, and if it does not, I go into a state of conflict.

There is a fine line between expressing within words and living words that are here within specific indulgences I have for a long time had an addiction in, the words I live must be specific so I give myself the solid foundation I will need to be able to walk the path of self-honesty, and transcendence to be able to indeed direct myself and not have the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions direct me. I have walked this path many times from addiction to self-direction, though it always seems to continue to challenge me, going deeper into the addiction patterns, investigating who I am within it and how I will walk in honor of who I am as life and all life here. And man when the mind as self as the addiction of desire wants something, it almost becomes too overwhelming where one just completely go into it and give in and indulge.

Self Forgiveness on Indulgence and giving into desire:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give in to my indulgences in such a way where i do it in a possession of believing that if i don't fulfill this desire i will collapse and become miserable and irritable, and so i must just get it because this is my savior.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within what i do and who i am that i must be getting access to the things i want and cause me to pain if i don't have them such as the pain of desiring something and not getting it, and through this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without the thing that i desire and cause suffering in the moment, if i don't get it i will be lost and suffer much.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe without fulfilling the desire that i am wanting that i will die and not be able to go on in my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without giving myself pleasure within fulfilling the desire within me as the mind's quest for release within the energy that accumulates once the desire is fulfilled to make my god and so follow it as my savior in this life instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding i am doing harm to myself and my body as i am not in full consideration of all, but only seeking the high of the desire fulfilled which is the drug of the mind that i feed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without the fulfillment of the desire that i won't have a good life and it will be filled with missed experiences.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in desires themselves and so become only interested in fulfilling my desire and thus becoming ignorant to my self responsibility to all life to do what is best as i would like for me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become selfish within my pursuits of my life in search of what is best for me, what makes me feel good, what gives me pleasure, while all the while ignoring how and who i am effecting within what i am doing in each moment i am here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts and emotions and feelings when the desire constructs come up instead of moving into breath and living who i am as principles in what is best for all.

I commit myself to walk the path of breath, letting go of all desires and urges for self fulfillment in self interest through breathing and grounding myself as the energy with the earth in realizing that i exist within all and thus i am able to direct myself in what is best at all times.

I commit myself to consider my body equal and one within what i decide to live and express in and see where my body stands within what i do and why i do it, getting to know the body as me and waking up to the path that considers both self and the body and doing what is best for all.

I commit myself to release my desire flow of energy release through breath and in the moment direct myself to consider and so live what is best for all here, day by day, breath by breath.

Thanks for reading.


Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org
http://www.earthhaven.org

Self Forgiveness (Day 1):The Beginning of Self Deprecation - Day 579

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

For most of my life up until I have started to walk the desteni process and realized i have the power to change myself, I was living very much in self-insecurity and self depreciation, which in it's outflow led me to become angry, revengeful, abusive, even physically violent.

A lot of times in my childhood I remember feeling crazy inside myself like there was a person inside me that wanted to just rip out of my skin and scream due to the rage at times that would course through my body. I often was driven to punching and kicking people in my world, becoming a bully towards those who I saw as weaker than me and then creating a huge petrification of those who I deemed more then me. Resulting over time in a unstable person who could barely function in society and just wanted to be away from people, finding indulgences to quench the petrification that was eating away at me, and be calm for a while, then the voices would come back, "what is out there that can harm me, when will i be harmed, will i be able to survive on this planet, will I be strong enough" and so fear became rooted within me.

I did not, in fact, want to fight or be a bully, but I saw no other way out, everyone around me did the same thing, there were very little examples in my world of those who were at peace and lived peace in there lives, cared for others, and took self-responsibility. And I became equal to that survival system, competing with everyone, fearing my survival, and so it came out as bullying, not being patient when people made mistakes, not taking responsibility to do what is best for others, and so creating a fear-based world that was maddening and not what life is supposed to be about.

I see how I have taken on the anger and rage from family history, copying it from many, it's amazing how much we influence others and they us. This is why it is important to walk the process of self-purification, to know thyself and so be able to direct self in what is best to thus direct others to what is best equally so as how you would like. So living out my bully nature, using passive-aggressive force to move people to do what I want, manipulating in fact to get the desired result, and when my expectations are not met become rigid and cold. I see this pattern play out in my responsibilities at work at times stemming from an impatience I have found because there is an ego self-interest point i am defending and that is not to have to do extra work and also believing that I am better at my job than others and so I have the 'right' to say this in this way or do that to get that result, not in full consideration or being my best self. And thus causing ripples to outflow that are harmful and abusive, which is in need of correction and self-forgiveness.

So I am working with both insecurities and self-righteousness as a polarity design playout within this whole programming I just wrote out, balancing out the systems in place of not actually standing within the patience of what is here and the step by step process that must be walked in this physical reality to get the results that are grounded, long lasting, and best for all. I take short cuts and in life, short cuts always catch up with you, the best way to move forward when one has seen living that is not supporting life is to forgive ourselves, write out the corrections, and walk new in life fresh, here, breath by breath, creating a new you. because I see that taking this on will release the self-interest within myself and thus collapses this polarity design I am battling within myself, and do what is best regardless of the scenario.

Self Forgiveness to come on these points shared.

Thanks for reading.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org
http://www.earthhaven.org

Dependency - Day 576

I have been seeing within this specific relationship I have in my head toward a particular being that I enjoyed and want to get to know more, but they are not showing signs that they want to get to know me more intimately and deeply. There is a couple points of reaction I am seeing causing this point of compromise within me where I am reacting in anger, jealousy, inferiority, and desire, and through this is based on projections I am having of what could be, what I would want to have happen, fear of lose, and so I am seeing this is all being created because I have allowed this point of dependency on others to define and so give myself direction in my life instead of creating this for myself.

This is stemming from my childhood where my parents always supported me with giving me words to who I was in a positive way, and so taking on this positive outlook of myself and in a way believing that this is all I am. Then others in my reality showed points of negativity where I would then start to question who I was within me due to a belief that I am defined by the words of others and believing that what is said to me is who I am. This obviously causing conflict within me, a desire to be a follower of others who give me positivity, seeking out those who give me this, and so create a dependency on this experience I get within me when someone gives me a compliment or an experience is created from the words or actions shown by another that is making me have feelings of acceptance, cause within myself I am not giving this to myself and directing myself through living words that are best for self and so best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on the words and gestures of others that give me an experience within myself of positivity, where the experience of feelings come up as energy that I follow as a ride I go on, and from there when the energy has diminished within me as energy feeling and so the ride I was on is over, I go into a depression, a sinking, an experience that I am now less because I no longer have the experience within me of feeling something ‘good’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the experience that come up within me as points of energy with thoughts of how another will give me something or gave me something such as a positive loaded comment where I experience myself different from the usual lack of confidence I have experienced myself within due to the lack of positive feedback I have received from my reality and so created this seesaw within me as conflict of feeling less then myself here as a being that is physical and present, and so become dependent on others in my reality to show me who I am and within that, be defined by the energy experiences within me as energy that comes and goes as the fleeting moments in time I participate in, which is participating in the mind consciousness system feeding off the reality I am living in instead of standing one and equal within it and directing who I am based on my living as words and so actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts within my mind of ‘I am not able’ ‘I am not good enough’ ‘I need a partner who will give me a sense of my self as a ‘nice’ person and through this compromise my stand as life here one and equal to all beings here, where I am not dependent on taking from others and within this needing others to support me to live here as a being of worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the words of others within me through energy as positive reinforcement where I have defined myself solely on what others say to me rather then standing as a point of support for myself as myself and walking with reality as me as a stand for life as a pillar within who I am as I live and so from here am able to be an equality and oneness with others in all ways and be interdependent in the sense that I am not in need of others to give me life as energy experiences in me I follow and ride, but I give life to myself as living words as my self honesty in action and so can give life as I equally receive the life of who others are here in return and thus expand and learn about life here in oneness and equality in what is best for all.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed jealousy of the relationships of others that is built on solid ground and are a living example of what this stand as this point and so instead of creating this for myself, I disempower myself through self interest and create jealousy because within myself I am in self diminishment as I am not as of yet walking the path of self forgiveness, self honesty, and so living change to become empowered within myself as I change who I am from dependent on others to standing as an equal and realizing the oneness that does, in fact, exist here and that can be created as this equality is lived through words I redefine and live for myself and so share who I am with others on solid ground as I am grounded in my living here by actually standing within me and without equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger toward others in my reality to have what I want instead of realizing, seeing, and understanding that this has nothing to do with the other beings in my reality, but all to do with my own compromise within myself as I am showing to myself that at this time I am standing as not willing to walk the path of correction, which is a process of realignment in my living to define who I am within and so to the without in self introspection, self forgiveness, and living change and become my own understanding and presence of life as I live the correction process I walked in writing or sounding within self-forgiveness to learn what it’ll take to walk the path and process of self standing, self-empowerment, and self real-i-zation of the reality of self being here in who I am as my words redefine to align and so become one and equal with my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at others in my reality who are standing as this point through and through, not realizing, seeing, and understanding that this anger has nothing to do with beings in my reality, but all to do with my own self anger as I am understanding within me I am compromising myself due to laziness, apathy, and non movement of the path and process that is required for reprogramming who I am in these moments of dependency on others and so creating myself in reality as a real being who speaks words and stands as my own living words as I redefine who I am in writing and sounding forgiveness and directing myself in my reality in total self-responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat hate and spite of others in my reality as I accepted and allowed the experience of self-pity and self inferiority, through this only diminishing myself and my own stand in my reality as a being with integrity and the maturity to do what has to be done and walk the necessary physical steps of change required to walk the path of self creation in self responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not showing me the reality of what is here and so blame others in my world in many ways for not being there for me, when this is actually a gift and doorway to the path of forgiving myself for my miss-takes and living my forgiveness where I change myself to stand on my own two feet grounded in reality and standing as an equal as I redefine who I am as life in words that are supportive and best for me and so will equal and one support others as well.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others in my reality and so diminish within the experience i have created of a belief that i am not as good as others or i am better, creating a lack within me and so a lack in my living where i go into an experience that i need something someone where because within myself i am not giving it to myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create competition to beings in my world that i see that have what i desire, instead of realizing that i am not standing within myself as a being with integrity to walk the actual walk it takes to stand as that beings equal in care, regard, and consideration of what is best for all, and in that spite myself as life and become compromised as life as a diminished version unwilling at that moment to walk the process of change. 

I commit myself to stand in the words integrity as my internal grit to walk the change necessary to stand as an equal to life as i live what is best for all in regard of all and create myself within  my lviing to be here present as the precense of myself willing and able to create agreements that is best for all and no longer need or particpate in mind games as competition, comparision, or spite as i let go of these experiences within myself as i walk the living change necessary within me and so give myself as life within  my living to create what is best for self and so best for all. 

I realize and understand that I am able through and through and in fact is the only way to walk the change process necessary to create myself as a real being in my physical living that stands as a equal in my words and so is able to be independent of the energy experience I have accepted and allowed through becoming polarized in my reality through energy as emotions and feelings, I commit myself to let go of thoughts through breathing, and live the word independent as a point of reference that I have a process of physical change that is necessary through writing and living words that I can direct myself within and so live that is best for me and so best for all.

I realize that I am whole responsible for myself and the change that is required within to stand as a plus one in the reality as my physical presence to align back in the physical world as an equal walking the breath here in what is best for all through living words of support for self and flowing like water in my reality to change who I am to stand in this regard where it’s about who self is and how self lives here.

I commit myself to walk the dimensions of mind compromise I am existing within that separates me from life here in equality and oneness in what is best for all and so the cross-reference I can use as support is the polarizing within me of energy and the experience of dependency that comes up moving into breath and living words such as independent, self worth, self love, and self responsibility to change self in the moment to let go of energy and physically live the correction to stand as an equal as my living matches my words that is here as me.

I commit myself to let go of the experience of blame onto others as I take responsibility for my own experiences through walking the process of self change to live as an equal to others and so live as a pillar within me that is self sustaining as I walk the process of self purification through self forgiveness and become real as a being that is in physical.

I commit myself to redefine the word dependent to stand as a dependable being who walks the talk of living words that I redefine and live in alignment with all life as so honoring the life within and so without equal and one as a being that is in fact equal and one and not taking from life and not giving as I'd like to receive first and foremost. 

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org
http://www.earthhaven.org

The Gift I Found in Self Acceptance is Self Trust - See How... - Day 562

Original Artwork by: Andrew Gable

Check Out his art at: http://www.andrewgableart.com

Who am I in relation to this word trust, and within that what I am really investigating is I am seeing is the ability to trust myself. What this immediately brings me to is looking within, trusting the voice of myself that is one of deep gentleness and calm that resides within my being. So here I have seen that I have established over my lifetime a sense of trust within myself through what I have learned and become aware of as my inner voice. Though I have walked many years in distinguishing between the voice my inner voice that I trust and the mind chatter or movement that comes up within that is experienced within energy movements as thoughts and emotions/feelings. Energy meaning it has movement to it and in a way, I experience it as I am following the thoughts, the emotions like a chasing in fact of the mind as thoughts. I will experience this energy in my body as tension or irritability for example where my voice gets hard, my body can go rigid, a rise of heat is experienced in the chest, and it can go into an experience of an eruption. As opposed to my inner voice that I have established within me is more experienced within me as a deep settledness, a calm in my body, a silence, and it comes with understanding, a constant knowing of who I am, and this 'i am' is aligned with life principle, what is best. 

I have always had a deep connection with this part of me, this inner voice, even when I was a child and I am sure we all can relate to this, its that knowing that there is something greater and more profound in me and in this life that is not readily here or known, but it is true, it is genuine, and it is supportive, this inner voice that feels like I am touching is good for lack of a better word, it is like a soft hand holding me as a support always. And this I have harnessed to something that I cherish within me all this time and hold to the fact that there is in fact in this world an understanding that this life matters and there is something more to discover, which has sent me on quite a quest to understand more of this understanding and knowledge I have come to know within myself about life.

Trust within myself though has not always been so deep and clear, yes I have had a connection with this deep part of myself, but I also have been very much influenced and created myself from my thinking patterns mainly of self ridicule, self abuse, and self bullying. This often leads to behavior that I take out on others due to not directing these parts of myself in a reasonable way, but more go to diminishing myself and others and so creating a diminished view of myself in this world and in fact creating it. Where at times little to no self-trust was present. 

I have memories of going into kindergarten, and man was I excited to experience the new scene, I heard my sisters and mom talk about it and I couldn’t wait to experience it for myself, the classroom, the books, the toys, the kids, and when I got there I was told that I was going to be tested. All of a sudden the excitement and experience of being in this new place full of adventure now turned into a fearful experience where I didn’t know how I was going to do on these test, was I smart enough to get in? Was I going to have to miss out on this new adventure because I didn’t pass my test? What is the test going to say about me? And so the experience of wonder turned into an experience of fear where I no longer trusted my own experience and how I was learning and interacting with my world, but now I was going to be told who I was through a test I had to take which will open or close the door to this new adventure I was so close to experience. This test was my only way forward I was seeing, I had no ability beside tantrum to let them know that I did not want to be tested and anyways my mom was not having that because I had to go to school, there were no other options.

This experience of school grew more and more into a point of fear and tension for me where i was more concerned with the experience of others and what I was going to be facing in my environment every day in terms of pressures or intense situations where I had to ‘step up’ instead of exploring at my own pace, getting to know and understand for myself what I was interacting with, and so finding my place within it all. Where I was more placing my trust in what I was getting as feedback from my enviroment to define who I was rather then going into myself, who i was, and how i was understanding myself within this new way of life, which is more how we experience ourselves as young children before the schooling years start typically.

This schooling experience I had and started to take in as who I was was contributing to my evolution of fear and self abuse I started to develop due to my warped way of taking in my world and how I interpreted with what I was taking in as input from others, my environment, and how I saw others treat me and people in general. So more just copying what would eventually help me to cope with my inner experiences of fear and tension and the growing perception that there is something wrong with me because I was not always measuring up. The coping experience was to be hard on me, beat myself up, and then I can keep cycling in the blame that I am not good enough, I am the problem, and so stay stuck, where I never actually find out what the real issue is that I am struggling with because I keep reacting to it and making it about having to be perfect, better, or more than who I already am here as my truth. In this stuckness, I don't have to go out of comfort zones, in this stuckness I know me and so life becomes routine, easy, yet perpetually more difficult because this I am not good enough evolves and grows as I keep allowing these experiences to direct me rather me it, so quite the conundrum of self-defeat I have been living through. 

This idea of being broken or damaged contributed to my quest to fix myself, make me more pretty, more smart, more excellent in whatever it is I was competing in and so my measure of who I was was no more on what and how I live in terms of my example as my words in action, what I learned through listening to that inner voice as a child, but more on satisfying an image in my mind I had to live up to. So a lot of my lack of self-trust was because I was not going within, I was not accepting who I was within what I was doing and being ok with what the results were in fact. This lack of self-trust is because I disconnected with my inner truth as the acceptance of who I am within my reality, the truth of the fact that I may not be well trained in something and within that that is ok, I can accept that, learn from it, and then grow to find the solutions that would make sense to make me better.

When we all know intrinsically that we can not be perfect in everything all in one go with all we do, it is just not possible, yet the drive I had for many years was based on this belief.  This acceptance of who I am here in fact and truth, no matter how bad, ugly, or silly it may be is the gateway to experience and get in touch with the self and the truth of oneself as one is in fact working with the reality of who one is in any given moment. Once one is facing the reality of who one is and accepts that, then one can embrace it to learn from it, and from there work on the process of improving and making it better through a real time understanding as one is walking it step by step. 

So trust i am finding is built through self acceptance, accepting the fact of who one is at any given moment to open the door for the truth of self to emerge and so the ability to trust in oneself because one in fact knows who and how one is and how to walk the process of learning, understanding, and growing to new heights or new depths with the information gathered and worked with. Trust then can open up the door to self-expansion, where new heights of growth and depth can be reached because one has accepted and worked with what is real, within and into the without of oneself. 

For more informative links in self-supportive material, check out:

Eqafe - the Process to Self Perfection in Recorded form

http://www.eqafe.com

Desteni I Process - Self Development Support

http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com)

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Living Words Process and Support:
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Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/earthhaven

Forum support:
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