My Journey to Life: militant

Showing posts with label militant. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Day 279 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At - Suppression

Check out these blogs for reference to this post:
Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character
Day 277 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At
Day 278 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Yelling at Me -The Shock of a Voice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my mind when I hear a load voice yelling and fear I will get into trouble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed into submission as fear when I hear a load voice and thus become docile and forgiving towards that other person regardless of what they are doing to me or to others for them to stop being mad at me or yell at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a compromised position within myself towards others who are yelling as docile and forgiving without understanding or realizing what is the purpose of the yelling and if I can direct it into a best for all solution, but based on fear coward and stop my interactions of expression towards this other and suppress myself to not have to face them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become docile and suppress my expression around others when I hear yelling based on a memory of my dad yelling at me and him making me go to my room with a smack on my rear, and thus tense up and go into a fright when I hear a load voice based on fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of defense and protection of myself when I hear a load voice of a women based on a memory of my mom yelling at me and creating a point of defense of her vs me, and thus when I hear a voice similar I automatically go into this battle mentality and become tense and anxious for this meeting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a rush of anxiety run through my body when I hear a load voice based on seeing that I am less then this person with the loud voice and that I have to submit to them or go into conflict to be able to deal with this person who is yelling at me and get out of this situation which I didn’t care to be in in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed polarities as submit or fight to direct me when another is yelling instead of realizing what I can do in self direction to calm the position of the other down through understanding the other in equal consideration to myself regardless of the tone of there voice and thus direct in common sense for what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist being with people with load voices or whospeak allot due to this fear of being overtaken and having to submit to them and thus feel inferior to them as I am allowing myself to feel this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to those who are loud because I believe that I can’t compete and thus coward to their aggressiveness and not direct the point regardless of my fear or feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed feelings and fear to direct me around another with a load voice instead of assessing the situation in common sense and seeing what direction is necessary to take in what is best and directing any conflict into a solution in equal consideration of all involved.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

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Sunday, April 14, 2013

Day 278 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Yelling at Me -The Shock of a Voice

Check out these blogs for reference to this post:

Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character
Day 277 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a fright when I hear a high pitched voice in the manner of forceful speaking towards another or myself, and thus within myself go into a restriction and suppression in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the thought of “I am going to be in trouble” when I hear a high pitched voice or scream from another, and thus go into a defense mechanism as tension.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in trouble by another and thus resist this yelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a defense mechanism when I hear my named spoken in a high pitched voice and immediately allow the fear and tension to possess me with a nauseas feeling within my solar plexus area and want to escape the person yelling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to the person screaming at me or another in apprehension in a point of defense of being harmed and then immediately look in my thoughts to how I cancompete with this person to be able to do battle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and thus go into defense in a point of seeingthis person yelling as a threat to me in separation rather then seeing this person as me in a state of reaction themselves, and realize the point of my own self correction necessary to resolve the conflict within the other as I have realized for myself which is to see that the conflict is not a solution but walking together in a point of understanding and agreement is, and thus show the other if rather then go against.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my mind as blame and believe that this person is wrong and yelling at me for an unfair reason, and thus immediately resist what is being said to me and not direct the point, but go into reaction towards this person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a sense of relief when I see that I am not the one who is being yelled at and thus feel positive within myself because I avoided point of conflict andpotential harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this positive feeling to make myself feel better about myself and not consider the other whom is being yelled at and not go and find a point of support for this person, but rather avoid them because of fear and it not wanting to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid situations where high voices are being used because of this fear of shock I experienced as a kid when I was yelled at by adults.

When and as I see that I am going into a point of resistance when I hear yelling, I stop and breath, and realize that the yelling of another is not in anyway able or can effect me unless I allow it to.

When and as I see that I am going into fear of the yelling and going into reaction of suppression and defense, I stop and breath, and I realize that the fear is not real it’s only my mind creating this point of fear of harm and the defense of myself is no solution as this cause conflict with myself and the other, I realize I am here and able to direct the situation into a point of solution for myself and others through realizing the other is me and walking what I would want for myself with the other in a point of understanding and support.

I commit myself to let go of the fear and resistance when the yelling is going on through breathing, and continue to breath as the yelling is going focusing on the point that I do not have to be effected by this. I use my common sense and only approach the other if they are calm and can hear what I am saying, always within a point of equality and support for what is best to solve the conflict or tension.

I commit to not approach another in conflict and instigation, but walk in a point of harmony and understanding through my words and demeanor as being non aggressive through not reacting and care.

I commit myself to push non-reaction by using my breath, and focusing on the point of solution and what the issue is within the reason for the yelling in the first place.

I commit myself to continue to direct the situations where I am able to with conflict and find the solutions that will support stability within the group and my self in what will be best for all.

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Day 277 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At

Check out this blog for reference to this post:

Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when another triggers being yelled at, which created a point of inferiority within me in where I saw I needed to regain my standing through using anger to become the strong one again and thus use force through my words or body to get my position of authority back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus resist authority but within myself desire it, and thus create an internal conflict of desire and resistance to the point of authority where I cycle back and forth and never am able to remain here and thus am unable to direct to a point of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be in an authorative position and thus will use what I don’t like done unto me as yelling onto another because I see that this is really the only way to get authority back, but realizing this is not real authority but enslavement through force. Real authority I realize is through controlling self and directing self to be able to manage one’s own authority as self-direction to do what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to take what others say or do to me as an attack on my authority and thus seek revenge based on me taking the other’s yelling at me personal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to become stronger then others to have more power and control over others and so will easily become angered and takes words personally as I have created a certain idea and image of myself as an authoritive person and thus when someone takes this image and doesn’t see the same, I take this personal and seek to use competition to win back my position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen as more then others and thus desire the feelings of superiority and control and power over others, where I am not realizing, seeing, or understanding that taking from another what is already here within both as self direction as our own authrotive will is creating a diminishment within me because I am separating the life that is here as me with the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this disharmony on the one yelling at me when I realize when I bring this blame back to myself I am the one accepting the yelling as a personal attack, when I realize I can breath, let it go, and direct the situation when it is able to be directed or walk away if there is no sign of solution able to be accessed at that time, I am the one taking it personal thus it is my responsibility to stop this and not go into blame as blame is an outflow of self abdication of facing self responsibility and change.

When and as I go into a point of taking another’s yelling towards me personal, I stop and breath, and realize I do not need to go into reaction but can direct myself through breathing, letting go of the point of taking the yelling personal through taking responsibility for my reactions by stopping them, and direct the point into solution that is best for all.

When and as I go into a point of reacting in anger or blame towards another, I stop and breath, and realize that this is a point of outflow of taking the mind as a personal attack and thus wanting to abdicate my responsibility within my creation of creating the point of blame and anger within myself, as I realize I created it through my own permission, so I realize I can simply let it go as this is an outflow of reaction within the other as yelling, and direct myself as the situation through taking responsibility of myself and directing the point into a resolution that will calm the situation down and create harmony through understanding as equals if this is possible.

I commit myself to stop and breath when I see point of reaction come up within me when someone yell at me, see what is being said in awareness of the equality within us and through taking self responsibility, and direct the point if there is a stable situation to do so for an outcome that will benefit both.

I commit myself to see when I go into an anger or blame reaction, to stop, and write out the point of what I am blaming or becoming angry at if I don’t see it in that moment to immediately correct, if I am able to I push to stop reacting and bring the point to correction through immediate action, or flag it and open it up in writing when I am able to to be understood through self forgiveness and self commitments.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Monday, March 4, 2013

Day 241 – Leadership and the Mean Character – Self Correction to Live

Please reference this blog for understanding and context to this post, thanks.

When and as I see I am going into a point of ego when I am given responsibility within a leadership role, I stop and breath, and realize that within this belief and idea that I am chosen or special due to this appointment of leadership over others I am engaging in my ego and thus allowing and accepting the abuse and competitionbetween me and those I am with which is not necessary. I realize I can walk within equality within this leadership role, and thus lead within practical and logistic points, and stop the mind experience of being more because I realize I am not, we are equal.

I commit myself to become aware of my physical body when I am given a leadership position or responsibility, and do not accept any form of mind experience, breathing through it and writing down what in fact I am looking to do and walk within this newly appointed set of responsibilities or leadership position.

I commit myself to stop the desire when it arises of being seen as more special or believing myself to be more special because I was chosen to be a leader.

I commit myself to when I see I am engaging in this belief of being and desiring to be seen as more special, I breath, and walk the point of realizing that we are equal, I am not special this is a mind delusion I have created to make me lose focus and not stay in the physical.

I commit myself to stop the anger and resentment of energy emotions when they arise when I don’t receive the leadership position and another does.

When and as I see myself go into a point of judgment of superior/inferior based on who I see as the leader within my reality and those who are not, I stop and breath, and realize that this is really sabotaging my own self standing with others and not allowing myself to be able to really see or hear others and what they are saying or living within their world, which I realize create more conflict and confusion when I am herestanding as an example to live equal.

I commit myself to stop this point of judgment of others and walk an equal process of physically moving myself to walk with them in what it is that I can support with as well as here support from others.

I commit myself to stop my definition of myself from outside sources by embracing me in these moments and realizing what I am able to accept of myself and walk in correction to thus stand stable and equal with life rather then be in comparison with it.

I commit to accept myself and walk the process of becoming self perfected in my life where there is no gauge by external forces but that which I live and assess in self honesty due to my own self awareness in how I live.

I commit myself to stop and investigate all points in my mind when I go into a comparison and stop the participation to others and walk the solution by treating others as I would want to be treated.

I commit to walk a process of humbleness by standing as an equal with another and walking the point of unconditional support regardless of who or what they are, I walk in equality.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Day 240 – Leadership and the Mean Character

For further reference on the mean character, please read these following blogs:

Day 237 – Walking with Others – Why People see me ...
Day 238 – Mean Character – Militant Biatch
Day 239 - Mean Character - Self Commitments

I find within this point of responsibility I put myself in of leadership, I will become very rigid and strict inseeing that things get to a point where we will be able to accomplish our goals, I find within observing myself within this scenario of being responsible for others and the goal set us for us to do, is that I will go into fearand anxiety that I will fail and in turn be seen as not able to lead by those I deem as higher in authority to me, and thus not able to handle my responsibilities and be seen as someone who is not capable in what once wasthought that I could do.

I have a very hard time with this being demoted essentially as this kills my ego in my sense of self as the one that can handle all things, that can do it all, and that can become the leader that I am seen to be able to be. I will then become this mean person where I will direct others and not be self honest within the way and how I am conducting myself to get the goals met, this by force on others through words rather then being equal with others and allowing them to lead themselves essentially with the support and tools that I put in place to make it work for all.

I will be doing self forgiveness on this fear of being seen incapable when I am put in a leadership position and thus won’t allow myself to fail or others, and become mean when this is this case.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself within the idea that I must be capable and follow through in all responsibilities I take on especially those given to me by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as special or chosen within this point of another giving my leadership or responsibility within a project or point that we are working on, and thus allow this to go to my head and think then that I am better then others rather then see it as a point where I have potential for making the project work strictly within what it is that was assigned to me or simply because I am the best person with the right skill set for the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others within those who are in leadership positions and me as well, and see and gauge where it is that I am seen among the group or am placed to thus define myself within this perceived ranking I have made up in my mind and then thus define myself by this and treat others in a superior/inferior stance in relation to how I have defined myself.

I forgive myself that I will then within this perceived rank I have created for myself as either more or less then others will go and treat those I perceive as less then me within a strictness and forcefulness to get the work done correctly, and those I perceive as superior to me in a way that is kind and honoring them for them to see me in a high regard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my self and how I live towards others based on my mind and an idea that I am some how more or less based on a point of position I was asked to do or not do, and thus see myself within this view of better or worse related to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on others seeing me capable or not and thus define myself based on the actions of others who are in leadership positions for me to see where I stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my own self integrity to the ego of myself in desiring to be more and seen as more from those who are seen within high status in my circles or where I am at, and thus desire their approval so then I can be satisfied with myself because I have the approval who those who are at the top.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my own self integrity to those who are not in a leadership position and thus become this person who is more then them by being demanding and mean within my behavior and words for them to do something that I expect them to do in perfection, where in I do not do this to myself and expect the same for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within my actions due to this desire to be seen as special by those I see as more then me and thus abuse those within those I see as less then me based solely on the fact that I am defining who I am by others, and thus am determined and living from theacceptance of those around me and becoming a demon in the making because I am not seeing what I am doing as the meanness that I am living towards others, but jst seeing my desire to be seen by those that I want to impress as more and good at what I do, when in reality I am not good as in treating all as good and working towards a solution, but being good by forcing the results through strictness within my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use force in words toward others to make them do what I want instead of walking the process of correction within what it is in the process with another that is not working, walking patience’s and gentleness as how I would want for myself.

Self commitments to follow.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Day 239 - Mean Character - Self Commitments

When and as I go into a point of passive aggressiveness towards others in my words or mannerism, I breath and stop, and realize that within this way of living towards others I will create consequence of abuse and conflict as I am not considering others as equal but really in self interest to have it my way rather then coming to a solution that is best for the group.

I commit myself to when I see I go into this point of being passively aggressive towards another I breath, and do not speak or get some space and investigate the point of my reaction and correct it before I engage in the point again.

I commit myself to move through the desire to have it my way or no way, by implementing and pushing solutions that will work for all and have clear direction and consequence so all points are understood.

When and as I see I am going to backchat about the patterns of thought of blame from another, I stop and breath, as I realize this is not acceptable or real as it’s a point that I am using within my mind to make me right and the other wrong within only terms that benefit me and are based on my own perception not fact.

I commit myself to stop my backchat and internal conversations whenever they come up by realizing that this is not based on fact and thus realize it is only a point to serve myself, I use the physical to help stabilize myself in what is real, and not allow this to accumulate within me.

I commit myself to move the energy of anger and irritation through me by grounding it into the earth through my body, and not allow it to direct me through breathing and investigate why it is occurring and correct it through self forgiveness and self commitments.

I commit myself to stop all forms of aggression towards other and practice putting myself in their shoes and becoming humble to walk the solution that is equal and ends my self interest as ego.

I commit myself to clearly state the expectations of a project and clearly state and give time to integrate and ask questions and adapt to procedure before consequences is put in place, and thus I commit to walk the consequence within a understood term in what is known and not base it off my emotion and experiences in moments of energy bursts.

I commit myself to stop assumptions and stop walking within and as my mind, and move to the physical, walk fact, and walk what it is that is here and can be developed within all through collaboration and cross referencing.

I commit myself to accept others as myself and become a support for betterment of others in self honest assessment in what will be best for the group.

J commit myself to go the pace of the group and the physical and breath through the desire to move fast.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Day 238 – Mean Character – Militant Biatch

“I become very militant within where I see that a point needs to be corrected I have found, and have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of others in these types of scenarios to see how to direct people without causing a reaction within them as well as being self honest within what reactions are going on within me.”

For reference of the above post, please see this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that becoming militant with others will create an atmosphere of tension and resistances as I am using words and my physical mannerism with passive force and aggression to get my point across.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I am passively forceful with others and aggressive within my manners and words this will create a reaction of equal force and resistance due to the nature of the words being sounded within conflict rather then equality of understanding of who we are as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an atmosphere of conflict based on allowing the anger and irritation within me accumulate through my body in the backchat that is activating this anger and irritation of others in my world who don’t support what I expect to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto an expectation of how something should be done based on the backchat in my head that is saying I am the only one who is trying to solve theses issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I let my backchat continue within my mind of thoughts of separation, I will eventually live them out as this emotions and feelings and reactions are the outlets for these built up and accumulated energies being created through the continued perception within the backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and irritation towards another in blame with out clearly stating my expectations and what it is that the other is causing me to be in such a reaction, and rather outburst on them with no context as to why and with no understanding of what is expected of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a point of miscommunication and thus abuse within my actions and words towards others as mean and superior based on this belief that I am right and justified to act the way I do, when in reality I was not self honest and clear within my actions towards other in giving equal opportunity for understanding and discussions for solutions we all agree on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow assumption within my head without allowing others the decency to realize the points that are being created by my actions towards them, and giving them the chance to integrate it and implement it in the pace and ability they are able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become intolerable towards others based on my desire for things to move fast and be done instantly, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the real harm and abuse I am causing towards others who are not able to communicate with me these issues due to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become intolerable to others pace of work and speed of them doing things, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and thus live that all move at their own speed and pace, and in self honesty I must give all a chance to learn through support as I would want for myself and in project that I don’t have an understanding for.