Back chat of winning, spite, and reflection of self dishonesty through Annoyance - Day 20

 Hi, I am working through my mind after a significant 'fall' where i had to face some reality consequences that made me realize the requirement of movement that is needed in the process from birthing from the energy of the mind reality as illusion into and as the living reality as self creation through living/action in words as self forgiveness and self correction - for more on some insight into this point and where it came through check out this chat - 1. Saturday 19th May 2012 - Desteni Forum 

When I am annoyed I see that i have some memories in me, mainly toward my sister whom i work with and spend a lot of time with, we are in a setting that is fast paced and i am her manager, so in this environment there are certain common sense expectations that are required. But for me i see my memories are of backchat of becoming angry that she is not listening to my 'direction' and not following the 'rules'. I have justified this anger/annoyance within a point of self righteousness and believing i am stronger and better at my job then her, which in turn in my mind as backchat make me think that i am thus able to bully her to a point where it makes her move quicker, do what i want, so this point of belief 'i am better at my job, she is so slow', creates in me my self justification to push her outside of proper guidelines and limitations and make it emotional where one is wrong/bad and the other is right/better. 

This cause in her an imbalance in the work day without a clear direction of her environment directives, but she is more on guard and thus more in her mind, self compromise, based on the bi-polar nature of myself becoming annoyed/emotional when a mistake is made or point not understood in its best potential. This stems from my ego, believing that cause i am at this skill of being on task and timely to a degree of efficiency for the office setting, i am thus able to diminish another who can't keep up.

This does not say anything about either one in terms of self definition and self creation, but it does say within me that i am being spiteful and evil in my interactions with another in my environment who is my equal, is me in another life, and thus is what should be valued before anything else, the equality and oneness of each one. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see person x as a being that i can bully and push around cause i am stronger and thus able to as the capabilities are at my advantage and i am more able to stay stable, and thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat that this being is weak and thus able to be pushed to extremes due to my desire to be right/get my creation in place thus control the outcome and creating a way where i get what i want.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self righteousness where i allow and accept thoughts as 'i am so much stronger and smarter then her' 'she is so dump' 'she is so slow' 'she is losing us money' 'she doesn't listen to me' 'she is trying to ruin my leadership abilities and direction' and 'i can't stand her, she doesn't obey'. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed at another for there life and living reality in this moment equal and one to me as this moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the other where in i see the other as my enemy/competition, instead of seeing it as me and that i require to walk in the others shoes to find out where and how can i support them equal to how i would want to be supported and live in a way that is best for all. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am within and as a point of self defeat when another in my reality doesn't walk my expectation and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control and force another into my will and direction in a way of force and degrading.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be better/stronger cause within my backchat i am speaking things that are not real, and are harmful which is evil, which is not best for all life my commitment and principle of living this life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to instead of standing as an equal to the other and supporting them to be the best they can be, i stand as a point of harm and degrading where i am gaining superiority over her and feeling more powerful and in control through the feeling of success and victory when in reality i am destroying and diminishing something i would not do to myself and not want done unto me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the other as myself and understand within the interaction what can we do to support each other within a point of self care and self support where both the environments are made to bring through the best for each other and what make practical common sense to allow both the opportunity to become stable and get the work done that needs done in a timely way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat of judgment thoughts toward other and self glorifying thoughts toward myself for being strong. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my ego as self interest be my driving force in the work place towards others instead of sitting in there shoes and finding solutions that will ensure all are cared for and all have the ability to be the best the can for the position they are in where things are clear and understood to the best of my ability to get it lived out into completion.

I commit myself to live the words self discipline within stopping my back chat about winning and being better, breathing, and not allowing thoughts of judgment or any thoughts of harm. 

I commit myself to flag point annoyance when or if it comes up showing to myself that i have fallen in self interest and trying to win.

I commit myself to recognize that i am going into ego as a point of self righteousness self glorification, because i am not in control of myself and feel inferior.

I commit myself to embrace the other as myself with love, care, gentleness, and clear direction of common sense as i would myself. I commit myself to use breathing and releasing the energy through physical activity and breathing to no longer direct myself with energy as mind in thoughts and shooting/harm/self glorification, but real living that is an equal and one support for all as i'd like for myself. 

More self support at:

www.desteni.org

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Eqafe Hangout: From Shyness to Self Confidence - Day 554

Thanks so much to Valentin Rozman for sharing your realizations and solutions you have walked in your process in this hangout.

Find the interview here:

https://eqafe.com/p/from-shyness-to-self-confidence-life-review

Interview synopsis:

"How to Transcend Shyness and become Self Confident within absolute Unconditional Self Expression."

Here in this discussion, Valentin and I will be looking at our experiences in our life of how we have transcended shyness to live with more self confidence and self authority. We will share what tools and practical methods we walked to create this change for ourselves. Also, we will discuss what fears we had to face and work through in this journey of walking through shyness and transforming it into self confidence.

These hangouts are for the purpose of educating all on the support given at the eqafe.com website, which shares through thousands of audio recordings the understanding of the human potential in this life. Where the listener can gain practical support that can be walked to help themselves become more effective in their everyday living.

Change in the Small Accumulation and Desteni i Process - Day 528

How has the desteni i process supported me to change in a massive way through everyday small moment change. Here I speak about the accumulation effect that occurs when one put there self will into something through a point of bullying and insecurity that I walked into confidence and self respect. This through walking specific tools shared in the desteni process, which supported this massive change I have walked in my life for the betterment of not only myself, but everyone around me. Enjoy.

More links to support:

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!

http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material - 

http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course - 

http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support: 

http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki: 

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page: 

https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ... 

DIP Lite on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Self Forgiveness Challenge – Competition – Day 517

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Day 4 -

I have found one of the roots to the abuse and turmoil in my life can be flowed from this one point of participation, and that is competition. Competition comes up in relation to many different scenarios and context, but it stems from experience of lack within self. This lack is seeking to be fulfilled through a source outside, and so the competition of oneself and another ensues causing many outflow consequences that are not best for all. To understand competition on a more in depth level it is where within self there is a point one is not wanting to take responsibility for, and through that point of not wanting to take responsibility, competition is created in a race to fulfill a craving to win and be better. Competition can also be seen as a form of distraction, one that is destructive in most cases, to suppress the actual real issue that driving this desire to be better and that is not wanting to face the real issue which is self needs to change in a way that is best for all.

Self forgiveness on this point:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to compete with another person in a way were it’s not causing harm, when I see, realize, and understand the internal energies that is fueling this behavior is one of superiority, ruthlessness, and desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a desire to become more then another and so within that have apparently more power in the relationship, when I see, realize, and understand I am only compromising myself due to the desire to gain something that I don’t believe I can give to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self abdication to the responsibility of changing myself and becoming the solution that is here to support what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to seek my own self gratification over others, where I will deliberately seek out my own self interest and advancement within the understanding that others will not receive and so loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek over others, and so take another’s share in this world, where I have more than needed and another ends up with less.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the equality equation within all movements in my life, where I assess and direct my outflows to be that which is best for all rather than only supporting myself to move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that I am more advanced then another person if I am winning in a competition with them either directly or indirectly in my mind, and create an idea of myself that I am inherently better than the other, looking down upon them and creating a feeling of superiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become ruthless within who I am in competition where I will seek my own self gratification in a moment of instant gratification where another will lose out as I gain more, and so exist within a form of abuse where I take and another loses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately know that I am taking from another and continue to do so due to the addiction of believing I am better and more and so safe from abuse from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the abuser and so create abuse in an escape from my own fear of abuse from others who compete with me, and so perpetuate the competition playout of win and loss over many scenarios and beings in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self abuse where I believe I have to compete to survive and so do it out of fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy as fear as a driving force within me to compete and so create consequences that are not best for all, when I see, realize, and understand that this equation can be lived out and considered in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live in breath here and consider each movement I make in what is best for all, where I take responsibility for myself and actions, and support solutions that will support all.

When and as I see myself go into the desire to win, I stop and breath, and realize this will outflow into a form of abuse either to myself or another.

I commit myself to move into the equality equation of what is best.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my fear and move into a calmness where I can live the word physical here as all are here equal to myself.

I commit myself to find solutions that are best for all and stop the desire to win.

I commit myself to live the word competition in a way of understanding what is best through trail and error, and determining through groups and test what is best for all if not apparently understood, and that which is supportive for all in all moments.

Self Supportive Material -
http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support:
http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

21 Day Self Forgiveness Challenge – The Bully – Day 514

Day 1 -

I have had this pain in my head in the back, I looked at it within myself and I saw that it was based on fear, I asked another for some more specific support who is skilled in muscle communication, and she shared that it was in relation to fear of being laughed at or mocked. I have had experience with this in my past and so I know of what this feels like and within me I understand why this fear exists cause I have not as of yet forgiven myself for these moments and forgiven others.

So here I walk the necessary forgiveness to release myself from this fear and thus be able to walk with all walks of life equal and one to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being mocked or laughed at because within myself I have related that to have a fatal flaw and thus my survival is at stack in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on my external reality and thus be moved by either a positive drive or negative one such as fear if and when someone acts in a specific way toward me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the external world such as people because I have accepted and allowed myself to make them more powerful then me and thus allow and accept myself to live and be defined by how I am spoken to, what gestures and movements are made, and how I am treated in any given moment to understand who I am in these moments and thus move myself depending on what is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value judgments on others in my reality as positive such as that person is ‘nice’ ‘good’ ‘I like’ ‘I love’ ‘they are awesome’ ‘they are so sweet’ if the person sends my way words filled with a message that gives me feelings that are warm and comforting within my body, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved and defined by energy movements within me based on what happens around me instead of me directing myself within and as myself and thus within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value judgments on negative actions happening in my reality such as I am called names or told within what I do is not good or belittling me and thus become reactive and defensively in blame toward the other for making me feel less then when I see, realize, and understand that this is what I have done to myself by accepting and allowing others to define me within my own self living and my own physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my trust of who I am out there onto my reality instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that this is not how I have to live, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my own thoughts, words, and deeds within myself and move myself into my own awareness of what is here within what I have lived, what I have understood, what I have proven to myself, and how I live in principles in support and assistance to a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed trigger words and energy as fear attached to these trigger words make me fall and react when faced with them instead of realizing and understanding that these words do not define me and thus I do not have to accept them as so.

When and as I see I am reacting to another’s words based on fear of being mocked or laughed at, I stop and breath, and realize I am the one who directs and defines myself, I realize I am here, I have changed and lived change for myself, I have transcended myself into a person I am proud of at this moment, and I am continuing to move myself into my highest potential.

I commit myself to trust that I am able to stand and move into responsibility in the moment the energy comes by a decision and breath.

I commit myself to stand through the storm until the calm and support always with solutions forward.

I commit myself to understand the other throwing words of abuse and realize I am not what is being said as I define myself.

I commit myself to stop abusing myself in my own mind by walking and living the words self acceptance as I stand in stability in my physical body in the principles of what is best for all.

I commit myself to live examples of support and stop all abuse and fighting til here no further.

Self Supportive Material -
http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support:
http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

The Outsider - Day 511

What has been overwhelming for most of my life is the feeling and experience of myself as someone who was different and didn't belong. Here my story as the outsider answering questions like:

How have i experienced being an outsider most of my life? Is it something I desired? What were the pros and cons of such an experience? How did I find ways to make it work and what was the benefit of this? These questions and more are discussed in this interesting story about a girl and her life as an outsider. Enjoy.

Self Supportive Material - 
http://www.Eqafe.com 

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course - 
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com 

Forum support: 
http://forum.desteni.org 

Desteni Wiki: 
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page 

Eqafe Facebook Page: 
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136... 

7 year journey to life Facebook group: 
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ... 

DIP Lite on Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Starting to Investigate My Relationship with People – Day 420

Visit the Artist's blog: Andrew Gable

My relationship with people over the years has been shaky at best, I have always had a feeling of separation with others, I always felt that I had to get into a certain state within myself to be around people, like it took energy and effort to be with others, it was not easy and only enjoyable once I found my place. I always was looking for my place, I was always in fear of where to find it, how to get there, if I was going to be accepted, and would it last. So there was a lot of factors I was creating to even approach people and figure out how to continue to stay with them and how in fact was I able to do that. Because there was no manual on how to be friends with or exist with other humans, it was all kind of just there when I came of age and realized that being with other humans was not a walk in the park, it was going to take dedication and effort to make it work.

So the issue I was having over the years of not wanting to be with others was when I was bullied in school, and found out that not everyone likes me, not everyone is friendly, and this world isn’t so nice and great as I believed it was as a child being rather innocent to the harshness that is existent here. I started to develop fears about my body image and what I had and didn’t have compared to other kids. I started to realize that money was important and that buying the things to keep up with the other people I knew was needed to be able to continue to play in the social games of making it with groups. So once I started being bullied, I suppressed myself quite a lot, I would not do or say anything to instigate those that were calling me names as the emotional feelings within this were extreme. I can see and will be opening up the construct of being a bully and being bullied as a play out of the way in which we have designed our world and designed our relationships with each other based on the belief that this is what it takes to survive and this is how human nature is and this is how it’s always been. How existing within starting points such as these is in a way giving up on oneself and life to live in a way that is more abusive and existing within self interest alone that has been consequential as we see with the world and our relationships within it from children up into the world system., nothing really changes, just the dynamics and contexts do, we are still bullying each other and creating conflict with no real effort and dedication to find solutions.

So I was starting to develop my mind through what I valued within others based on things such as beauty, wealth, and personality and I myself started to based who I was on comparing and competing with others through these ideas of value I had created. This then created more and more separation with people in my world, being this way where I am basing who I am on very superficial ideas was not very fulfilling, I started to more and more dislike being around people and having to keep up these appearances and ideas of myself that in reality did not match. Over time my paranoia increased on how others thought, judged, and/or perceived me, I started to more and more alienate myself from meeting new people and pushing myself more and more in the belief that all people are fuck ups and I can not trust anyone.

I realized though overtime and through the desteni process that I engaged in some years ago that I have created the state in which I am existing within in this moment, I thought the thoughts, I created the beliefs, I judge myself and others, I abused and created competition with others, I am responsible for the way I have designed and created myself in this moment. I can not point fingers at any other person, place, or thing because in the end this is disempowering myself to ever create the change that I am capable of to become a human being that is trustworthy and self directed. Not living off of needs or wants, but through principles that support life and so will always support me by implementing and solidifying them through my living over time proven through time in the physical. Each one has to find the will and forgive themselves for who we have become and what we have done in the past, and again embrace each other and support each other as we have done for ourselves. Humbleness is key for such an endeavor of self purification and supporting life in this way.

So for the next blogs to come I want to investigate and understand more of who I am in communication and relationship with others, and how I can live the words humbleness and friendliness in a way that supports myself and others to become the best we can be.

More to come in my next blogs, thanks for reading.

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Related articles

• 403. How to Stop Living in Defense Mode
• The Desteni Group and the Journey to Integrity: DAY 226
• Self-Respect for The Physical Body: DAY 269
• Day 434: Deleting the 'Mean' from the 'Meaning of Consequence'
• Day 436: Suppressing In Fear of Expressing

Day 260 – Using the Mind in Place of the Physical – Part 1

If not, then I will go into my mind imagination and win, by yelling, screaming and even at points physically harming them through my thoughts and imaginations. 

Please reference these blogs for further context:
Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind
Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse
Day 255 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You - Part 1
Day 256 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You – Part 1.2
Day 257 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You 1.2 Continued
Day 258 – Does Survival of the Fittest make me a Robot?

Day 259 – Does Survival of the Fittest Make Me A Robot? Only If I Allow It

Here looking and doing self forgiveness on how I go into my mind and take out my anger in different ways of thought/reaction and creating scenarios of causing abuse on others, but in reality suppress myself and what I am feeling, and allow it to accumulate until it explodes into an outburst where I can become out of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my reality suppress what I am feeling of another person in anger for instance, and go into my mind and create imagination fantasies of yelling and screaming at them without directing the anger into the physical and communicating what is wrong and coming to a solution that is understood by all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate anger within me through suppressing myself with others due to fear of creating a conflict that I can not win nor compete with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see life within fear in where I feel inadequate with others and thus will use my mind to make myself feel more empowered through fighting and beating them up in my mind where I always turn out the victor and the villian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to direct me into my mind where in I will go into suppression around people in physical reality, but in my mind create a whole scene where I really yell and beat them up if I am angered by them and take what they do to me personal.

I forgive myself to take others personal and not direct the situation in the physical but suppress it into my mind where i take it out in imagination illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I can not define myself with others and thus never confront them due to fear of being humiliated and ridiculed by them because I believed that I was not worthy and they would have ample ways to make me lose and feel humiliated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not able to defend myself against others because I believed myself to have something wrong with me and that I am flawed and others would always have a easy way to come back at me and humiliate me based on believing I had no defense because I was this weakened person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe something was wrong with me because in the past others said this to me and thus I believed that it was true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what others say about me and not live my own life and who I am within what I live within myself, and stop being influenced by what others say to me due to there own perceptions and beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind as a platform to gain power in my world because within the physical I felt powerless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless because I believed myself to be useless and not worthy and that I had a flaw that was unrepairable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was unrepairable and thus take this out on others through my mind due to the anger I felt within myself that others were ok and I had this flawed perception of myself and thus wanted to take this revenge out on others because I was jealous that they were ok and I was flawed and not normal, so used my mind in place of the physical to get my power back even if it was not real.

More to follow, thanks.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


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Day 259 – Does Survival of the Fittest Make Me A Robot? Only If I Allow It

Please reference these blogs for further context:
Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind
Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse
Day 255 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You - Part 1
Day 256 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You – Part 1.2
Day 257 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You 1.2 Continued

Day 258 – Does Survival of the Fittest make me a Robot?

When and as I go into a point of competition in where I will go into a quick scan and comparison with another where I will see if I am able to compete within them, I stop and breath, and realize that within this I am limiting my expression based on thinking rather then living in the moment in what is best for both.

I commit myself to stop the scan and comparison until I am no longer moved by it and I am clear here in what direction I will take.

I commit myself to always consider the other as an equal to me in fact as life and stop competing.

I commit myself to breath and release the desire to win and be the best through committing myself to accept myself and let myself live in each moment without judgment.

I commit myself to stop self judgment and thus end polarity playouts within separation with life and find common ground to come to compromise or agreements.

When and as I go into fear of my survival based on the thought that I will lose and thus suppress who I am, I stop and breath, and realize that living from fear will always create more fear in my world, so I realize I must face this fear, accept it as myself, and thus then walk the correction to face the fear and change it into a living for myself. I stop the fear of others and walk with those that stand for a solution that is best for all.

I commit myself to embrace the other as myself seeing them in their shoes and walking a point of humbleness stopping all points of being more.

I commit myself to stop fear and thus stand within my self trust and acceptance, and use my standing and ability within common sense to walk solutions with others and face what is here as consequence.

When and as I go into a point of comparison with another and judge the way they look or speak, I stop and breath, and realize that this will separate me into the mind as ego seeing myself more or less based on the pictures we present, living as suppressed expression within myself in where I can gain the point of knowing another and learning about someone new instead of sabotaging the meet up due to fear.

I commit myself to not accept this comparison to direct me, where I stop paying attention to it, and do not follow it within self compromise.

I commit myself to stop and see reality for what it is, stop going into my mind to define, but see life where it is here in this life in a wholeness.

I commit myself to let go of the thoughts in the mind that we are different, and communicate and go with those I resist and face this fear.

I commit myself to push my resistances and stop limiting myself due to fear, when I go into self compromise, I breath and do not accept it by doing that which I fear in common sense assessment of course.

I commit myself to stop scanning others and see the whole of the room, all that is there rather then focusing and going into my mind.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 258 – Does Survival of the Fittest make me a Robot?

“I will then calculate in my head within a quick scan of the other to see where i stand, and will then assess if i am able to win against them or not.”

Please reference these blogs for further context:
Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind
Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse
Day 255 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You - Part 1
Day 256 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You – Part 1.2
Day 257 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You 1.2 Continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how much I limit my self expression due to fear, fear of what others will do, say, and/or think of me, and thus I will exist within this fear in my living where I am on the defensive at all times, restricted and guarded around others due to this belief that life is a struggle and I have to compete to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within competition in my world in havingthoughts of sizing up others where in I assess within a moment whether or not I will be able to handle myself with another within a point of coming out on top with the other or feeling inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a fear of not having anything in life, not having any support from others, and thus being alone to fend for myself where I fear not making it and dying, and thus I will limit who I am here and what I will do around others due to this potential of lose and fear that I will be at a lose if I don’t go in prepared to compete and stay on top.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an in house or inner maintenance systemwhere I keep myself in check and also be on alter through scanning and access myself and myself within and around my environment and the people in my environment, where I will only move and express myself if I have assessed that I am more strong or more capable then others due to a calculation of the others look and the way they speak and thus go into a self definition and limitation of either being stronger or weaker according to how I have assessed myself according to the others comparison, and thus live into the role complete of what I assessed creating a separation between us based on assessing and living myself and who I am from a mindreality rather then the real reality of us being equal in fact as life here in this physical existence, here in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my self expression and the expression of my life in this world as my full potential to fear because I and accepting myself only to live form feelings andenergy as these feeling experiences I have created within me rather then letting them go as they are not real, they are not who I am, and thus they do not define me, and walking into reality, real common sense assessment in equal consideration of the other, and finding solutions to what is here that will work and suit both/all that live.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my living expression be from a starting point of fear through comparison and thus create a limitation within the potential that can be here in every moment, and thus miss the opportunity for real full expression and creating with another something unique and original.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my mind reality only seeingwhat my mind is telling me and what I am believing to be true rather then live from physical life, what is common between both, and what makes sense to create a solution that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to others through a scan and an assessment based on picture and their mannerism in a few seconds rather then be open and here in my breathin the physical, getting to know the other, who they are within their living, and walking as an equal to understand the other through the realization that we are the same, we are both life and thus live from this starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed comparison and self judgment direct me into a fear reaction with others in believing I have to defend myself to live here, when I realize that this is not the way life has to be, I can stop my fear and thus stop separating myself by living from reality, what is real and what is common, our equal value within all and making sure this world honor real life and I as myself and all life stop living from the mind in our own little bubble worlds, only thinking about our own survival and thus our own self interest, and abusing life the whole time rather then supporting it and enjoying it as equals.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life 
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Marlen Vargas Del Razo


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Day 257 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You 1.2 Continued

Please reference these blogs for further context:
Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind
Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse
Day 255 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You - Part 1
Day 256 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You – Part 1.2

When and as I go into a point of desire to indulge in my anger reaction in energy and go into an outburst onto another, I stop and breath, and realize the consequences of my actions of causing conflict within the relationship as this will cause friction immediately within the other as going into outbursts in anger toward the other will only create conflict as I am not considering the other in trying to be more rather then being equal.

I commit myself to breath through the emotional rush of energy as anger when I believe I have been offended by another, do not react or move myself until I am clear realizing that I will only cause conflict and more reaction within the other into a greater issue.

I commit myself to stabilize myself within this point to a point where I move myself in my own direction and am able to breath through and be stable within anger emotion.

I commit myself to only speak to the other when I am not in reaction and thus speak in a directiveness by my own reason and will, and treat the other as myself.

When and as I go into a point of seeking revenge due to taking another’s actions/words towards me personal and use anger as a tool to justify my revenge desires out on them, I stop and breath, and realize that this is a point that I need to bring back to myself as I am going into blame and not taking responsibility for how I am acting and creating abusive consequences within my living and thus require correction.

I commit myself to stop my desire to take revenge on another by seeing what it is that I took personal and walking self forgiveness and self correction to no more have this point have power over me but see it for what it is within me and correct into being stable within it.

I commit myself to breath and stop myself from taking others actions/words/gestures towards me personal as I understand where I can relate to the other and that the correction is to remain stable, standing on my own, and being humble in letting go points that need to be let go of because I am here and understand who I am as one ad equal with life.

I commit myself to breath through the reaction of desire to take revenge by not allowing the thoughts to accumulate of blame on another and letting go of these reactions of offense.

I commit myself to push myself to support others when I see I was offended and thus find the point of equality and support to become stable within these situations where I move myself and stop the desire to go into energy and release for a moment satisfaction.

When and as I go into a point of seeing I was rejected and others don’t like me, I stop and breath, and realize that this shows a sign of somewhere where I am not accepting myself, and so I investigate and find where I am not supporting myself and accepting myself and change this so I accept this and stabilize myself into a point of equality within the physical where I am equal with how I am and not moved by others minds/reactions.

I commit myself to stop the fear of rejection and thus walk the acceptance of myself in who I am and become stable within my correction of how I live.

I commit to stop taking offense by others and start to stand as an example in stability and understanding and humility.

When and as I go into memories of past scenarios where I was offended, I stop and breath, and realize that these physical happenings occurred and thus this is what is here as my life, I though realize I can stop my reaction within them realizing that I am stable, I understand who I was at that time and how I now realize and understand have changed myself to a person that is able to be stable with others and not moved through reactions of external forces empowering myself to be my own directive force in the solutions that I see will be best and thus always best for all.

I commit myself to stop the reactions to memories by investigating when this occur and stopping my participation in the energy of it through writing and correcting the point to see how I created the reaction and letting go of the ideas/beliefs/thoughts I held of myself that are not real and thus make myself real by living in reality and directing myself as my own self will.

I commit myself to stop blaming others for these reactions and memories by taking responsibility for myself and stopping my own reactions, stopping the blame, and living from the physical here seeing the memories for what they are and that they do not define me.

I commit myself to stop all points of definitions from the mind and walk in each breath here until I am stable through the writing and stability of walking the correction to breath here for real.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 256 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You – Part 1.2

Photo Source

When and as I go into a point of taking anothers action towards me as an attack or an offense, I breath and stop my reaction, and realize if I react in anyway I will only fuel the fire and cause the conlifct and separation to continue.

When and as I go into assumptions and believe my thoughts and perceptions over reality and thus cross referencing what I am seeing/doing with others, I stop and breath, and realize if I don’t establish my starting point in self honesty in physical reality with others, I will not be able to see what is real as my ego is vested in the mind and thus in my perception as thoughts/reactions.

I commit myself to stop and breath and walk through the desire to react, do not engage if I see I am reacting to the others words/actions towards me, and only speak when I am stable and can direct myself with out energy reaction.

I commit myself to consider the other equal to myself in where I don’t accept myself to go into reaction in emotion or feeling, but breath, and become stable and see the others in the shoes I would like to be treated.

I commit myself to cross reference what I am assuming or perceiving with reality, cross reference with others around me, and make sure what I am seeing is real and thus can then be direct to a solution that will be best.

When and as I see I go into an emotional outburst or reaction, I stop and breath, and walk the point of bringing it back to myself so I can see and realize and thus correct what it is that I took personally, and so correct myself so I stand stable and not moved by outside influence such as others words/actions towards me. I direct myself into peaceful and harmonious living with others by being this myself through being equal in living with others and treating others in this way.

I commit myself to stop my desire to have an emotional release and thus move through the emotion through breath and focus my attention to myself to find the reaction and bring it to a correction.

I commit myself to investigate myself at all times when I react and am moved by energy to see where I stand and how I can correct so I stand no matter what is here in stability in the realization that all here are me in fact that I must walk to correction step by step.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki