Back chat of winning, spite, and reflection of self dishonesty through Annoyance - Day 20

 Hi, I am working through my mind after a significant 'fall' where i had to face some reality consequences that made me realize the requirement of movement that is needed in the process from birthing from the energy of the mind reality as illusion into and as the living reality as self creation through living/action in words as self forgiveness and self correction - for more on some insight into this point and where it came through check out this chat - 1. Saturday 19th May 2012 - Desteni Forum 

When I am annoyed I see that i have some memories in me, mainly toward my sister whom i work with and spend a lot of time with, we are in a setting that is fast paced and i am her manager, so in this environment there are certain common sense expectations that are required. But for me i see my memories are of backchat of becoming angry that she is not listening to my 'direction' and not following the 'rules'. I have justified this anger/annoyance within a point of self righteousness and believing i am stronger and better at my job then her, which in turn in my mind as backchat make me think that i am thus able to bully her to a point where it makes her move quicker, do what i want, so this point of belief 'i am better at my job, she is so slow', creates in me my self justification to push her outside of proper guidelines and limitations and make it emotional where one is wrong/bad and the other is right/better. 

This cause in her an imbalance in the work day without a clear direction of her environment directives, but she is more on guard and thus more in her mind, self compromise, based on the bi-polar nature of myself becoming annoyed/emotional when a mistake is made or point not understood in its best potential. This stems from my ego, believing that cause i am at this skill of being on task and timely to a degree of efficiency for the office setting, i am thus able to diminish another who can't keep up.

This does not say anything about either one in terms of self definition and self creation, but it does say within me that i am being spiteful and evil in my interactions with another in my environment who is my equal, is me in another life, and thus is what should be valued before anything else, the equality and oneness of each one. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see person x as a being that i can bully and push around cause i am stronger and thus able to as the capabilities are at my advantage and i am more able to stay stable, and thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat that this being is weak and thus able to be pushed to extremes due to my desire to be right/get my creation in place thus control the outcome and creating a way where i get what i want.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self righteousness where i allow and accept thoughts as 'i am so much stronger and smarter then her' 'she is so dump' 'she is so slow' 'she is losing us money' 'she doesn't listen to me' 'she is trying to ruin my leadership abilities and direction' and 'i can't stand her, she doesn't obey'. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed at another for there life and living reality in this moment equal and one to me as this moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the other where in i see the other as my enemy/competition, instead of seeing it as me and that i require to walk in the others shoes to find out where and how can i support them equal to how i would want to be supported and live in a way that is best for all. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am within and as a point of self defeat when another in my reality doesn't walk my expectation and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control and force another into my will and direction in a way of force and degrading.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be better/stronger cause within my backchat i am speaking things that are not real, and are harmful which is evil, which is not best for all life my commitment and principle of living this life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to instead of standing as an equal to the other and supporting them to be the best they can be, i stand as a point of harm and degrading where i am gaining superiority over her and feeling more powerful and in control through the feeling of success and victory when in reality i am destroying and diminishing something i would not do to myself and not want done unto me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the other as myself and understand within the interaction what can we do to support each other within a point of self care and self support where both the environments are made to bring through the best for each other and what make practical common sense to allow both the opportunity to become stable and get the work done that needs done in a timely way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the backchat of judgment thoughts toward other and self glorifying thoughts toward myself for being strong. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my ego as self interest be my driving force in the work place towards others instead of sitting in there shoes and finding solutions that will ensure all are cared for and all have the ability to be the best the can for the position they are in where things are clear and understood to the best of my ability to get it lived out into completion.

I commit myself to live the words self discipline within stopping my back chat about winning and being better, breathing, and not allowing thoughts of judgment or any thoughts of harm. 

I commit myself to flag point annoyance when or if it comes up showing to myself that i have fallen in self interest and trying to win.

I commit myself to recognize that i am going into ego as a point of self righteousness self glorification, because i am not in control of myself and feel inferior.

I commit myself to embrace the other as myself with love, care, gentleness, and clear direction of common sense as i would myself. I commit myself to use breathing and releasing the energy through physical activity and breathing to no longer direct myself with energy as mind in thoughts and shooting/harm/self glorification, but real living that is an equal and one support for all as i'd like for myself. 

More self support at:

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Day 16 - Commitment Phobia

www.wiki.desteni.org

I realized recently that one of my major self sabotage point has been fearing commitments, whenever I get into a commitment with someone or something I do not last long, I get to a point where i put myself in a dire decision, and in the extreme nature of the decision that i have to make - go left or go right, I find i have been doing it in haste, in fear, within my mind, causing lots of regret later on in life and shame, and more fear. I am in a way feel delinquent in making a decision that is practical and can be best for all, so more a self judgment of not being good enough or capable, This I am seeing based on the manner in which i make decisions, where i can do it in the moment, spontaneous, but it is not my real spontaneous decision as everything in this reality is preprogrammed not for what is best but for enslavement. 

The moments one is real to direct self is when one self investigate, walk self honesty and self forgiveness, commit to living change of self that is of living substance that supports life growth, and in this walk what is best for all as in living the commitment of change for oneself until it's done. The decision being one that was self investigated in self honesyt, self forgiven to understand the flaws, and researched and understood in the fact checking, pros and cons, and living the understanding that is best. 

So it's a point of self change and self discipline, principled standing within the physical actions it takes to actually walk such a deep dive into self and a decision for instance that has to be made. This will require dedication and perseverance cause the mind/reality is not easy, it takes a point of grit but it's here as self responsibility and must be done. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear i am gong to make the wrong decision, i see, realize, and understand there is no wrong decision and what is here is what one create as ones thoughts, words, and deeds, thus i see, and I commit to standing in my shoes and all others and creating a decision for myself that is best for all the best i can understand by living the process to understand all facets and facts of the decision I am about to make. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self harm where i feel as if i do not have the ability or understanding to make a decision in my life that is best for all and will support life in it's fullest expression based on carrying my past here and seeing on all the rotten decisions i have made in specific moments in my life. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and not forgive myself fully for the past mistakes as actions done in the physical where i did not chose a path of best for all living, and in this create a point of self abuse and harm to see myself less then others and inferior and i can never stand as an equal.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not equal and a lesser version of life who doesn't have any real worth and doesn't really need to exist/be here cause i will just continue to make the wrong decision and harm abuse life/myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the decisions made where based on not slowing down and walking the timelines within self investigation and self commitment to understand the ins and outs and fine tune the information so i can gather the facts and make an informed decision, but based on impatience i move in a way of self compromise which causes my life to be compromised and chaotic as it's not stable nor predictable but done in the moment. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to decide that i am going to live impatience and not actually walk the step by step it takes which creates my life to be stable, but continue this, which is self abdication of responsibility to make a decision in a patient manner best one can as this is best for all and common sense.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed laziness within decision making where i don't slow down, but rush cause i allow the energy of it's too much pressure, it's too much to understand, i don't know, and the energy built up of these thoughts as pressure and tightness in my chest and into my head, where i feel like i have to just do it, not seeing, realizing, and understanding that i can breathe through the energy, releasing it, and finding the solutions within the slowing down and self investigation, writing/sounding self forgiveness, and change. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and complacent in my responsibility to be my highest potential this life, and in this expect too much and so built up energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become robotic and just have my mind blurt out the decision in the moment and live with the consequences of the chaos that'll ensue as i did not walk the self responsibility to under-stand what it is i am deciding on and will direct my life with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the mind in the hast decisions and so not care in the outcome but me getting a fix of energy as a release of the pressure i allowed within the thinking thoughts, and in desire relaxing instead of walking the decision properly.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire a release rather then breathing through the energy and walking self forgiveness until i release the energy and direct it myself back to the earth, substance, my physical.

I see, realize, and understand i am responsible for myself and my actions and decisions.

I commit myself to as best i am able to take some time and space to write out a decision i am going to make, research ways to walk such a decision, and put it into writing and myself into it where i find the facts, and make an informed decision best i am able to when and as the moments arise and come up to do such a point.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for not living the best decision that i could have made. 

I commit myself to live the word patience which is to pay attention to my life and the life of all involved, and what is in fact best for all.

I commit myself to understand what is best for all within the actions and decisions i make and ultimately what is best for all life and will birth life within who i am as my life which will support in my outer life/world as well. 

Next blog on - relationship commitment fears.

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Best for all life until it's done.

Day 2 Fear of Failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the failure of my life and fear not being life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to make it this life and not stand in my own self authority in moments I see I am able to, but give in to the mind temptation such as feeling good for a moment or snacking on things of pleasure, and then go into this fear of failing, when in reality did not stand in my point of self authority by stopping in the moments that the desire or temptation is here.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to succeed without putting in the physical step by step process it’ll take to stand equal and one to the pattern in real life living, which is daily mathematics of stopping through time, until I stop, and distract myself with fear of failure. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face the understanding that failure is a part of life, and standing up and moving forward to change and stand as the directing point as myself to stop the failure point in real time moments by standing and saying til here no further, I stop. And I live this over and over.

Revenge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to seek revenge for me failing and not standing in my own points of transcendence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want revenge in others whom I blame for my fall and failure, when I see that I walked the fall and thus must reestablish my authority in myself, and thus change the outcome for myself and the other in a way that will be supportive and best for both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea of failing as a means to hide behind where I really am resisting doing the actual steps to stop a pattern of behavior of harm, and thus fall and fail inevitably due to self defeat and laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed laziness to exist within me, and not stand in the face of the minds desire to give in and give up, and fail in pity for not standing and stopping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up, and not push through when I am able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for failing and falling in supporting myself to stop a pattern that is not beneficial to my life and living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to seek revenge of those I deem put me in these ways of living, instead of living the change in self honesty that I walked and lived this myself. I am the creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility of standing and stopping my mind demons and desires, and blame it on something outside myself.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts of revenge, and stand in the others shoes so I can direct myself in a way that will benefit life and living in what is best.

I commit myself to accept failure as a part of this life process and get up every time, until I stand as the equal authority of the pattern.

I commit myself to walk in sounding self forgiveness the thought patterns of these patterns of revenge and failure, to stand when these patterns come again.

I commit myself to get back up, each fall knowing I can and will myself to find eventual peace as this is what is best for myself and so all.

 

For more on the tools of self perfection and change, check out:

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#skilife

Physical Life/Self - What I have Learned through Desteni and Eqafe - Day 597

I listened recently to the ants interviews on eqafe.com, the ants come through the portal at desteni and discuss about how they are operating currently in a survival type enviroment, they themselves are not seeking survival means, though they had a lot to say about human consciousness effect on the enviroment. This I will continue in my next blogs.

Consciousness of the Ant - 

Part 1 on Eqafe.com

First though, I'd like to discuss a bit about the difference between the physical/natural world and the human mind/consciousness, this to the best of my ability based on what I have studied of the subject with desteni for the last 11 plus years and within my own personal journey within many sources the past 17 years, so it's been a lot of my life. I am no expert, but I have been studying diligently, and the main point I have found that cause a disruption between the natural physical world and the human being is the fact that there is a lack of connection from the human mind/consciousness we are particpating in and this physical existence as life source. As we look around us, there is a distinctive difference between the natural world and human being's system world, I would say it's more undeniably clear then not and I am seeing many would agree with me on this, humans world is distinct amongst all life here. The buildings made of concrete, the structures as boxes we live in, the boxes we move around in, and the boxes we locate in throughout the day and into our personal living spaces (if we are lucky and have money).

Otherwise, you are in the wild/natural world, this world though is beautiful and magnificent in it's creational wonders and mysteries as gifts of the ever pulse of life itself, our wild/natural world on this planet has become brutal. Survival is the functioning mechanism at the moment of our natural world as human's in our quest for consumption have degraded a lot of the natural order and laws of this physical world. This due to the fact that human's haven't realized and thus forgot who we are, part of the natural world, one and equal, and thus do in fact have the ability to live this as ourselves and amongst the natural world in peace and co-habitation simply by living the natural order and law of all of existence - treat all life as how you would like to be treated, give before you receive and thus no want as you will be fulfilled, and all life is one and equal and thus all life is only ever in consideration in what is best for all.

Human beings have lost that connection with ourselves as our life force/source by particpating in the mind consciousness system - thinking and reacting, and thus fell from grace and lost our connection with ourselves as life itself. The key is taking self responsibility for self in this moment, and finding the will within self to understand who one is as the mind/consciousness and your current behavior that is causing harm to yourself and so others, and changing it within self first. Proving that who you are to all life as all life is aware, that you will no longer cause harm and will in fact be part of the solution to the best of your ability, and live that.

So as a human being, the mind as our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are a source point for the mind system machine inside us all and sucking dry the physical life source and thus our physical body until one day we die cause the body could no longer handle the stress and damage the mind was having on it. The body dies in doing it's utmost to live, the being within as the self is in shame and regret and will face oneself to the fullest degree in the afterlife. As Bernard spoke many times, this is our last life and there is consequence. The mind is a programmed system from within the  interdimenionsal existence of ourselves which is our inner worlds, and is being powered by our very act of thinking in our heads, this is not to become afraid, but to understand the circumstances we find ourselves in because there is always solutions to this, the solution has been lived and is being taught through the #desteni networks, #earthhaven, and eqafe.com platforms.

This has been discussed throughout the eqafe and desteni material, through the portal and the participants who have expressed on topics of all parts of life and the mind consciousness system, thousands of videos, writings, and sharings on these points have been expressed over the last 15 years since the portal opened on youtube. There is a process of support and networks all ready to support you on this journey of self discovery and adventure, to eventually embrace the mind as self and use it as it was intended, a tool for self creation. Through the tools of self forgiveness and living the change that is best for all life, we can in fact start to restore the magnificence of self as a life being here and thus once again restore order on our beautiful home and mother earth and make peace with all the co-inhabitants of this earth. Peace is a different state of living and being, it takes many steps based on the state of where each human being is at and the extent of mind programming one has to walk through, though it is possible, as the impossible is simply the initial phase of the self creation process of i am possible.

So do not fear, but start the first step, this is where i started and each being does on there journey to self as life, there are resources and support teams out there to help, so connect with us/me on facebook and lets help/support each other in loving and caring way. It took many years for myself to get into a relatively stable self, I am able to use the tools of desteni as self forgiveness to stabilize myself and get to a baseline grounding point, and it is worth every tear, sweat, and suffering that came about in this journey. We are capable, we are self responsible, we can make this world a place where our children in all walks of life are free. It's time. Enjoy self always and keep a balance of mental rest/relaxation through giving this to your physical self/body. Also, connecting to animals and nature is also great support for self balance, I highly suggest. Take care and big hug.

Check out the weekly chats on destonian.com, they can be every day with the portal, or Monday, Fridays, and Saturday's for sure at 9pm SA time.
Looking forward to meeting you there.

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How to Live the Word Extreme that Service All Life - My Findings - Day 587

Extreme

Continuing with living this word for myself, i wrote some sf and a blog last night on this word and the programming within it, and found it was due to the extremes of energy distractions i have lived into in the positive as indulging in these feelings, being happy, being excited, being curious, being elated, ect. in a way how i physically stand within these points in my body is it's a rush to my head from my solar plexus/stomach area in many cases and warm sensations come over my body and within my head area i am following a line of thoughts, pictures, and im off somewhere in my mind in a way distracting me from the self responsibility I am to face, understand, and change within walking my desteni i process of self forgiveness, self honesty, and living change until it is done.

The polarity of these extremes has been wanting to rebel against the system and those i blame for creating it, underneath that I found deep petrification of survival and death, so still working through these memories, though the realization and change process i am seeing to walk and in a way have redefined this word extreme to be from the outer world as my behaviors through the mind as separation in positive chase for the experience of feeling good for a moment and so balancing it out with the negative experiences of most fear, instead flipping the script and working with the word from the within to the without of self.

I am redefining the word extreme to be an inner fire, passion, that point of life essence that is burning inside of me, pushing, gentle yet in the ultimate strength of never giving up, never giving up on life here in what is best, and using that will as self as my realization and understanding of who i am as life, as the source, as the solution into my expression for all to learn from, be supported by as I have been supported, and creating life here, through the worst, coming through the ashes like a phoenix, that life force that makes it possible to breath and live, that is what extreme i will live, for life, the passion and fire that burns within to use as a force for what is best as my own self will, as my own living word, as who i am in all ways until it is done.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!

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www.destonians.com

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http://www.earthhaven.org

Self Forgiveness (Day 7): Irrational Fears - Fear of Microwave, Cellphones, Machines, Lightning - Day 585

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

I am going to do a few blogs on things that seem irrational, but in my mind have a lot of subtle and sometimes overt power over me in day to day life, it stems a lot of the time from childhood memories, so I am also pushing self forgiveness on these childhood memories that I still am triggered by in my day to day life. This one is about machines and mechanics we use in everyday life like lights, microwave, and lights for instance.

So a fear I have had for a long time and react to still subtle within myself is the fear that I am going to get sick from cell phones cause I have memories of being told that things mechanical are harmful, such as when my mom told me not to stand in front of the microwave or how aspartame will cause cancer. I have always been afraid of this world and the life within it irrationally due to just reacting to the picture or the sounds of the machine on a resonate physical level than actually understanding how the machine works. I will start walking self forgiveness on my childhood memories that are coming up with this pattern.

I was standing in front of the microwave in our old kitchen, I was looking into the microwave on my knees on the counter, and my mom came around the corner and yelled ‘Garbrielle! Get off the counter, the microwave can cause cancer!’ So I Jumped off and thought to myself ‘holy shit, I don’t want that’, so there was a belief that was created in that moment that I needed to be fearful of the microwave, reacting in like a shock experience when one starts to run.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a huge intense fright when my mom walked in while I was intently focused on the food going around in the microwave, how it spun, and just focused on learning from it, and went into a shock when she yelled at me, allowing me to lose focus and imprint the fear of cancer is caused by machines, tools we use, things that exist in the outer world.

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose focus in that moment due to hearing a loud noise and going into a shock experience where I reacted in anger and blame toward my mom for scaring me like that, and so went into anger and blame emotion in that moment rather than breathing and moving into my physical body as breath to slow down and find what makes sense to live next that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in that moment of yelling at my mom in my backchat, I lost focus and so awareness of my reality, where I allowed a belief of my mothers be passed on to me as I accepted and allowed it and so didn’t follow up in any real time investigation and so solutions that I could live to support me to understand my reality and how it works with more clarity and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be shown the answers in life, to not want to have to do the actual physical labor it takes to understand how something works in all ways, and so within that walk the necessary correction processes it’ll take to perfect the point within me and so within reality eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire answers from my reality, showing me who I am and what works best for me because underneath that desire was a fear of dying and things being over and done with, so gaining knowledge as a way to combat death when in reality this is a belief and non sensical due to the fact that it’s not about death but how this reality works that I must learn and fear is not needed in these living applications.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the death of myself because I have not yet realized and lived the fact that life can not die, that it is eternal, and that when I am in fear it is my own self limitations I am currently accepting and allowing in my world and so the world at large.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death and so waste my time on memories and reacting to that in repetition every time I see a microwave or eat food or hear machines running, I as see realize and understand, I can understand what these machines due with more specificity and find solutions to the points I am uncertain about such as the actual facts of harm on microwave pulses and what radiation is for instance, how is it created, and what causes its effect, what are there as solutions if any are required, and be open to creating the reality in equality and oneness with what I am interacting with rather then fear and separation and thus blame/self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fight for my self-limitations because I fear without those comforts in my life I will not find comfort on the other side of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within myself that I am not able to handle taking full self-responsibility of myself in this life, and so then create a fear of regret at the end of my life because I didn’t push harder. Instead of myself, working with the day to day life and taking my responsibility to work with what is here breath by breath, making it simple and direct, and so doing my best to handle what is here with self honesty and self responsibility when it comes up such as facing fears and being patient to find the solution through understanding.

Self Commitments to Live Change that is Best for all:

I commit myself to learn about where I react on physical levels within or subtle levels or even conscious levels within me to machines, microwaves, cell phones, fluorescent lights, unnatural lights in buildings, food additives, and within this take each one, learning about the physical facts of these points, also get the extra perspective from eqafe and open myself up to solutions that is best for all and so will be best for me to diffuse the fear and live with it in the best way possible or find ways to transmute it so it can be something of value for all here.

I commit myself to stand in self-responsibility in my day to day, breath to breath moments where I see I am able to walk a point of change within myself, and so stand within courage to face self, change, and stand within the responsibility I see I can stand as and do what is best for all life in common sense.

I commit myself to honor myself in this venture by recognizing specifically my triumphs when I do succeed building the self empire of life as who and how I would like to live and so be able to substantiate myself in reality with ‘memories’ of direct living and change that I myself walked, took responsibility for, and lived for myself in honor of all as self.

I commit myself as life to walk the process of learning from my mistakes, being open to all possible outcomes and understandings first before I stand and direct myself to what is best for all within a moment of decision, so working with living the word purposeful patience’s as I walk a process of changing myself in understanding and realizing the resolve to stand as it as I created it within and as myself.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org
http://www.earthhaven.org

Self Forgiveness (Day 6): The Truth behind Desiring to be Alone - Day 584

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be alone and not have to deal with people in general, where I am content with being by myself with my dogs, my family, and my friends that I chose to have in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generally despise people who torture animals, torture people, torture the environment, torture nature, and in general abuse and harm the life that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very picky and choosey with who I will allow in my world and who not, and become arrogant and generally standoffish to those who try to enter my world that I deem not welcome or too much or too needy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become self-righteous in my beliefs of myself that I am ok alone and that I am not any of things I judge of others for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as nasty beings in many different ways and deemed not worthy to spend time with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself where I fear that I will be judged by others and seek out not to face that rejection and humiliation of not being liked or not being seen as acceptable so I push others away first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as not cool or not attractive due to what they do or where or look like because within my own self I equally judge myself in this way, making my reality about comparison, competition and the eventual separation of beings here in secret parts of the mind that manifest eventually in the physical as war and abuse onto life, the very same abuse and war and separation I am despising others for doing to life here equally so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat anger toward others in my world who are showing a desire to get to know me, connect, and build a relationship because within myself I am not clearly directing myself and in fear of hurting others because I am in a belief that I don’t know what to do or say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief in my backchat that I am not able to direct a situation with beings in my world instead of walking the steps of writing and investigating where this point of friction is arising from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to anger and self anger for not direct myself properly to a resolution that is best for all, but be spiteful and blameful toward others who are in no way responsible for these thoughts and behaviors I am participating in that is causing outflows of compromise and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to get close to others for fear of being rejected because I have been rejected in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other peoples rejections and words personal to me instead of working with the information objectively and learning from the experience in a way where I grow and expand to be a better version for myself and others as well.

I commit myself to stand within a point of self support for myself where I learn to let go and take others words and rejections if it happens like the wind blowing in and out as a point of life happening and through that learning to ride the winds as the words and rejection as a point of directing myself in the best way possible to clear and calm waters within through self acceptance and self love as who I am within and without to others.

I commit myself to stand in the shoes of others and consider my words and actions through and through within who I would like to be if I were the receiving end where respect and honor is taken to do what is best for all including what would be best for me in my own self honesty.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

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Self Forgiveness (Day 3): Only Seeing the Worst of Myself - Day 581

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

I am sure we all can relate to this point of only seeing the worst in ourselves in moments of our life, they may be fleeting or they may be the majority of how one see what is here. I have been looking at this point as of late due to understanding why I in fact do this? What causes such an experience to only see what is bad, horrible, fearful, and so the worst that could happen or is here? 

There is a few dimensions that came up for me initially and those were the habitual and automated way I have created myself to see life in fear and realizing this has been patterned and repeated over and over in my life thus far, thirty plus years of viewing life like this. The second is being bombarded as a child to be afraid, the one memory that is coming up for me the strongest is my mom telling me that if anyone comes up to me on the street or when we are out and try to take me, to run and scream and look for a policeman! This obviously made me see that the world is a scary and dark place, even if i didn't realize it so much at the time, it imprinted into me on deep levels, being scared of the world i live in, people are bad, and humans can not be trusted. 

This leading to the experience that i am to be afraid, we have unfortunately created such a world were life is not guaranteed for many and that we can not at this time fully trust each other, so there is some logic in what my mom did, and i do understand she was doing what she thought was right. Though, this is not the only way to live life and through my example, who I am in relation to life here, and how i live I can reverse that paradigm and instead see the best in life nad build the trust that is necessary to ensure life is trustworthy and humans are educated on how and why to live in this way as well.

Self forgiveness on this childhood memory:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the sound and intensity of my mom's facial expressions in the moment of her telling me to be careful and scream and run if anyone trys to take me out in public.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take on the idea from that moment on that the world and people are dangerous and people will harm me if i am not aware and careful of my surroundings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people are bad and that they will do the worst of what can be done onto others and this includes myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all people in the world are not to be trusted and could and will do harm onto me if i am not careful and aware of what the people i interact with are like.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take inventory and judgments of other people as indicators if they were trustworthy or not based on if they were friendly, the way they looked, the way they acted, and judge if i would like them or not and fear them, if these boxes were checked or not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become distrustful of people around me in those moments of imagining a person taking me to harm me as my mom told me how to get away.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into petrification in that moment and see people as harmful instead of seeing people within the moment and allow the relationship to develop through time to get to know the person rather than just making quick sight judgments and defining someone to the worst of life in my mind and write them off as untrustworthy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the worst in life only where i see people as threats and judge people as unapproachable, making myself isolated and justifying this as this is how life is supposed to because people are fuck ups and i don't want to be around them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see the bad in people and thus only see the bad within myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see the judgments of not good enough, not making the mark, not being friendly enough, not being cool enough unto myself as i do in my quick sight judgments of others based on fear and distrust instead of seeing the best in others and standing as this as myself until it is proven otherwise and the being needs to walk a process without me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mom for imprinting this fear of people onto me based on her way of showing help to me as a child with potentially getting kidnapped instead of seeing that she was doing her best and she also was imprinted with this fear and distrust of people.

I see, realize, and understand that the relationship i would like to create with others and my world is one were the best is the starting point of who i am in my interactions and within myself, and i see that common sense must be applied in case to case basis if it is realistically something to consider based on what is transpiring in physical reality.

I commit myself to live the word best where i stand within the moment as best possible to see what is best within myself or another when the moment comes to fear and go into distrust.

I commit myself to get to know the being and my self by opening communication and find out what is best about the moment or being and see what comes through.

I commit myself to use common sense and the ability of myself to create the best of what is here through perseverance and living it as myself.

I commit myself to be my best self in each moment that is here so i can stand and recognize it within others, so what is best is created in this life instead of the worst of self.

Thanks for reading.


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Garb Shares - One of my most Impactful Moments of My Life - Day 565

I invite you to share your most impactful moment that shifted your life!

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The Experience of Being Hurt - My Realizations and Forgiveness - Day 563

Who I am as being hurt by others?

When I am not considered within the point of conversation or interaction, and I take it personal that others are brush with me, quick, overlook what I say or don’t listen at all and go into a reaction, I see the experience of hurt come up within me. Like I have been disregarded, I am not respected, and thus I am alone in my reality. I feel rejected in these times which brings up the experience that I am not able to thrive in the way of my reality that I’d like to, wherein I am able to interact with others, take in what is expressed, and within that be at peace and calm within myself, and express back in a manner that shows a point of maturity that supports and creates life rather then disturbs and destroys.

So I am looking at this experience of acceptance from my reality where if I am not received in a way of getting some sort of positive feedback, I take it personal and become emotional within the experience of hurt. Hurt being the energy experience that feels like a pit opens in my stomach area and my being drops in there feeling lost, my body goes into a slouch and sinking experience, and I become quiet and reserved with others in these states. Tending to go within and shut down not allowing any communication or people to come in until I have recovered and in some area have been uplifted through a positive experience. Leaping from one area to another within myself of being hurt and being happy again through an external stimulus that I have used as addiction to distract me from what I am facing with this hurt experience.

So what I am facing within being hurt by others is the fact that I am seeking acceptance and comfort from them, which is where I get positive feedback and when I don’t receive it I become hurt and end up becoming reactive back. I will go into more detail with the words I live out because there are more. Though focusing on the hurt experience I am having, this will be for example when someone comes at me in a bad mood because something happens in there life and they are not super pleasant, I say something to them and they snap at me. I will experience this hurt experience at this moment and believe that they are being mean, and through this take it personal where my mood will change into being moodier, angered, and resentful. This causing many consequences that are not best for all.

So here I will walk self-forgiveness on this experience of being hurt, and let go of the belief that I need people to give me positive feedback to feel accepted in my environment.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the people in my environment as hurtful when they express their own emotions in a time of weakness, and I take it personal believing that I am to blame or I am being rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as feeling rejected and left out if I am not received within the people in my environment in a positive way where they express themselves in a way that shows that they like me and I am good in there presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of feeling hurt because I have taken it personal in the sense that I have defined myself within the output of others and if someone does not show me pleasantly I believe it’s because they don’t like me and there is something wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself fully with the flaws and the points I have changed into the best, where I realize I am in a process of growth and rebirth changing myself daily to the best of my ability and pushing my will to give it my all this life, and thus this is something that I have created within me and so within this I have proven that I am for real and that I can be proud of that fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek acceptance outside myself instead of living this word within me as I create a home as my temple within and as myself as my physical body, giving myself care, positive feedback, and acceptance for who I am and releasing the idea that I am not enough, I am not good, and I need to do something to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need words of encouragement by others to feel fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I am not enough, when I see, realize, and understand that everything is here, I am enough as I am life fully, and I am able to walk the process as I see is here to become aligned to life one and equal.

I commit myself to create the moments in my day where I give myself care, self-care within myself of words of encouragement, gratefulness for who I have become, and recognizing the perseverance I have consistently shown to myself through difficult times and challenges to pull through and find solutions that support not only myself but others as well.

I commit myself to redefine the word home where I create a space within of comfort, safety, and relaxation as harmony in the understanding that this is a place of warmth to be at ease and know it’ll always be here as I am always here, it is within me thus home is here as me always I just have to breathe and create the space for myself.

I commit myself to give this care and warmth I will commit to live to myself to others unconditionally where I don’t seek anything in return, but practice my self fulfillment through living different ways and words that support me to take care and be self supported.

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Living the Word Freedom - Redefined - Day 555

Freedom

Current Allocation:

Freedom is something i desire but believe it’s out of reach for my life in this world. There is a yearning for freedom, like i know it’s there, it’s somewhere, it’s possible, yet it does not seem as if it ever will be reached without great effort and inner and outer change. Freedom also is represented in my mind through flags and fireworks and parades, where it’s symbolized based on holiday parties and festivities ingrained over my life time in my country that my family and friends very much participated in and some in the patriotism of it. I myself felt uncomfortable with the country’s freedom as i know that to get this so called freedom, war was involved thus to me showing that this is not real freedom, and that we will always be enslaved to this mindset that there is some enemy out there and we need to dominate or win to become free. Yet this same dominance and winning status is always under threat and always able to be destroyed through conflict, abuse, and thus suffering. Suffering and freedom to me were counter-intuitive thus counter-productive and essentially made no sense, so my relationship with the word freedom is as if it is a catch phrase, not real, and that those who follow this are insane or just brainwashed and not able to see clearly what makes sense and what doesn’t. I am also seeing anger within me towards the holiday of supposed freedom we celebrate and those who don’t question, yet, i see that this is my own reaction within me of a desire to want to be free for real right now. Though i see it is not yet possible and so i go and blame everyone else when i see, realize, and understand I was equally within that group to such a possessed degree due to culture and it’ll take a process of understanding, support, self forgiveness, and self correction to change the way the world as self lives freedom within and without.

Dictionary Definition:

free·dom

ˈfrēdəm/Submit

noun

1) the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

"we do have some freedom of choice"

2) absence of subjection to foreign domination or despotic government.

"he was a champion of Irish freedom"

synonyms: independence, self-government, self-determination, self-rule, home rule,

3) sovereignty, nonalignment, autonomy; democracy

"revolution was the only path to freedom”

4) the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

Etymology:

freedom (n.) Look up freedom at Dictionary.com

Old English freodom "power of self-determination, state of free will; emancipation from slavery, deliverance;" see free (adj.) + -dom. Meaning "exemption from arbitrary or despotic control, civil liberty" is from late 14c. Meaning "possession of particular privileges" is from 1570s. Similar formation in Old Frisian fridom, Dutch vrijdom, Middle Low German vridom. Freedom-rider recorded 1961 in reference to civil rights activists in U.S. trying to integrate bus lines.

It has been said by some physicians, that life is a forced state. The same may be said of freedom. It requires efforts, it presupposes mental and moral qualities of a high order to be generally diffused in the society where it exists. [John C. Calhoun, speech, U.S. House of Representatives, Jan. 31, 1816]

Freedom fighter attested by 1903 (originally with reference to Cuba). Freedom-loving (adj.) is from 1841.

Word Play:

Free-dumb, free-doom, free-dome, free = fear removed

Negative Placement:

Here i see that within myself there is a long path to become free and also a free world where life is able to co-exist and sustain itself as each one individual sustains themselves. So there is a fear here, fear of not having it, and thus more and more being removed from creating it as fear is not free, but the restriction of freedom. So bringing through a degree of stress, anxiety, and claustrophobia within the thought of if ever real freedom will be lived and what comes up within me is this world system, the enslavement of man over everything and everyone into destruction.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear that freedom is inaccessible within myself and this world as i go into the idea that freedom is impossible to reach.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look for freedom out in the world system, outside of myself, where i need to attain or reach something to become or get freedom.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe freedom is impossible to live within and as my self and so this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the living word of freedom within myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project freedom onto the way our system is set up at the moment and believe that it’s never going to be doable with all the abuse as enslavement that is existing here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world system and the people in the world system as the fault to why freedom is not able to be lived instead of bringing the point back to myself and seeing where in fact i am enslaving and limiting myself within my own self imposed ideas, beliefs, and judgments.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge and create ideas and beliefs about the way in which this world and within myself need to live instead of moving within the freedom of my own expression and through this working with what is here as it is here within the creative mobility that exist within any given moment as i create myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place freedom as an idea within my mind rather then a living word to be physically lived and created and so in this idea move into disempowerment within myself because it seems unattainable.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the function of myself and this world in this moment is not how it will always be and thus potential for growth and change is always here.

I commit myself to release the ideas, beliefs, and judgments of my expression in a moment and allow the expression of what is here as myself become free from limitations and expand within and through who i am as i create myself with what is here.

I commit myself to go into releasing the separation between who i am as the living word freedom moving into a flow of myself in any given moment taking responsibility for who i am and expanding through the support of this word as i move out of the dome of my limitations and exist here free as my fear is removed and i breath and live with and as reality.

Postitive Placement:

On the positive feeling side, I am seeing the word free is very light and electric feeling, like the potential for the best of life is possible within this world and it makes me feel airy and nice inside. There is an inkling of possibility, oh yes like a hope, and here i can see the complacency that settles into my mind and thus my physical where there is no real action of changing self and becoming self responsible through words and living. Thus the idea is nice to think about and ponder in my imagination of how great it’ll be or could be, yet all the while not actually really creating freedom within myself by living as it and so freedom does not yet actually exist cause it stops at the thinking stage because the energy fades and then I get hit with reality and it’s too much work/effort.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to move into a point of self desire as a dream state of what freedom would look like or feel like as i go imagining in my mind what this will look like or feel like, never actually making significant change to who i am in the physical as my words and living.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a hope of freedom coming one day if this and this and this works out and if i do this and this and this thing in the future soon to come, yet within my actual physical movement there is no significant change as i am spending my time dreaming about freedom and what i could and will be doing instead of actually living it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become complacent within myself with the imaginations of life in a free world and how awesome that would be tailoring it up with different technology and how humans will co-exist with animals and within this waste time and resources on mind generation and not self creation.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to my addictions as positive energy such as lust for a place of peace and freedom, or excitement in the thought of what a world would look and feel like, or the happiness feeling when i see in my mind’s eye all the animals and humans getting along, and within that be fulfilled as the energy releases and i stop actually moving in the physical and changing myself because i have accepted and allowed myself to get off on energy addiction in these imagination feelings that get created thus disempowering me to move myself and limiting my potential to live and become substantial and so do nothing of real value which supports all life.

I commit myself to move into the living words ‘i matter’ as i ground myself into the physical letting go of the imagination thoughts and create myself as matter within how i live in every moment to create real value as i move myself in the physical in what will be best for all life.

I commit myself to live words such as self creation and consistency as i move from my mind illusions into my physical living and letting go of the complacent addiction to go into hope and desire thus not actual do anything to change what is here within and without.

I commit myself to life the word freedom as i release myself from the addictive thought patterns of positive feelings and move into the solidity of my physical living, expanding myself through my limited beliefs and ideas and imaginations and creating myself in a real substantial way that will eventually create all life to be free to express here as the will themselves as all align as i live for myself in what is best for all life.

Re-Defining the Word Freedom:

The direct definition I see for the word freedom is to become free from the dome that is my mind as the limitations within fear i have accepted and allowed to hold me back from living as my creative expression in every moment. Freedom is the removal of fear as i will myself to be free beyond my limitations that is currently existing as my mind consciousness system programs and constructs holding me back from being me and who i am in any given moment as a self created being in what’s best. Freedom is what is beyond the limitations of self imposed mind systems and self live free from fear here.

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