A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse

"when within my living I had perceived that someone has offended me or created a point of disadvantage for me were I desired something for myself or thought of myself, and I believed that another took that image or object away from me. "

Please reference this blog for further context:
Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe another can bring me to a disadvantage when I realize within myself that I am capable of directing myself to clearly state what it is that are my intentions as well as support myself with others to direct and help create the best scenario that can be created through taking responsibility of myself and stop putting it on others to do for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have more advantage then others where I get to reap all the rewards of something even though I don’t deserve all the rewards as others would then lose out on their equal share of the reward of what is here if I take more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inherently believe that I deserve more then others because within my mind I have created myself in a false way of being more then others through valuing myself and what I do or what I have over what other peoples do and what they have where I have defined the 'other' as always and inherently less valuable then me because I will always be the 'best'/'right'. But realize this is done in self interest as really all I want is the most of the reward I can get and so easliy create assumptions and false truths and live this as if it is the actual truth of what is in reality and how I am within it, but it's not, it was made up in my mind and never tested in reality in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind create false images of myself as more worthy based on false assumptions of who I am and who others are not living these assumptions in the truth of reality within testing it as myself and see if they for real live up, but think about it and then act on these thoughts of self interest and greed for more as if they are true so I can take what I 'believe' and thus have falsely created as what I deserve more then my fair share based on greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become greedy within my beingness due to my addiction to what something gives me such as a feeling or an experience of importance, and so I will create lies and cheat to get more of the feeling of this experience that I am addicted to if I am not getting access to what I desire, which is more then others, the most of this feeling/experience form an object for instance and so blame others for taking what it is that is not even mine in the first place as I am taking anyways more then my fair share.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to actually face the light of reality and look at myself in how I really behave and what I really deserve within my living conditions, and test in reality if I live up to the thoughts I have of myself of grandeur and exceptional living abilities over others, and not actually live this in fact, but change it to be more advantageous for myself to thus be able to have more power from others and get more access and freedom to get what i want.

And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live form my mind as imagination in making myself seem more worthy then others to get more of what i desire when in reality I am equal to all and deserve no more then what is my fair share. If I require more for some reason then I can direct myself with others to receive this in equality, but taking and lying to get what i want is unacceptable as it's abusive and cause false reality to be lived and bred from which creates separation not unity.

When and as I go into my mind and start creating false beliefs and images of myself to be more then others to gain more then my fair share and justify this taking more then my fair share through lies, I stop and breath, and realize that this is simply false and made up in my mind, I will not be able to live these claims in fact, and so I am causing abusive consequences within my false claims by taking what is not mine and creating separation with others deliberately.

I commit myself to not accept myself to create false images and beliefs of myself by not participating in them when they come up through stopping engaging in them unconditionally and embrace who I am here in the physical, all of me, and work on correcting who I am in my real life, my real self, as my physical living action.

I commit to stop justifying my abusive behavior of taking more then my fair share by not allowing myself to take more then what is due to me, equaling giving to others what is here, and directing myself in equality with others so all benefit equally always in a compromise.

I commit myself to live from the physical facts of myself and how I am as life with others and perfecting this point into the real life living by stopping living from my mind and false talk and belief/thoughts.

I commit to direct myself with others in coming to compromise and finding ways to all be satisfied within what it is that i am doing and others are doing/needing.

I commit to stop my desire for more by giving to others what i have unconditionally, sharing and giving as I realize that this is giving to myself equally.