A Lady's Journey to Life: Self Forgiveness Challenge – Competition

Day 4 -

I have found one of the roots to the abuse and turmoil in my life can be flowed from this one point of participation, and that is competition. Competition comes up in relation to many different scenarios and context, but it stems from experience of lack within self. This lack is seeking to be fulfilled through a source outside, and so the competition of oneself and another ensues causing many outflow consequences that are not best for all. To understand competition on a more in depth level it is where within self there is a point one is not wanting to take responsibility for, and through that point of not wanting to take responsibility, competition is created in a race to fulfill a craving to win and be better. Competition can also be seen as a form of distraction, one that is destructive in most cases, to suppress the actual real issue that driving this desire to be better and that is not wanting to face the real issue which is self needs to change in a way that is best for all.

Self forgiveness on this point:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to compete with another person in a way were it’s not causing harm, when I see, realize, and understand the internal energies that is fueling this behavior is one of superiority, ruthlessness, and desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a desire to become more then another and so within that have apparently more power in the relationship, when I see, realize, and understand I am only compromising myself due to the desire to gain something that I don’t believe I can give to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self abdication to the responsibility of changing myself and becoming the solution that is here to support what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to seek my own self gratification over others, where I will deliberately seek out my own self interest and advancement within the understanding that others will not receive and so loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek over others, and so take another’s share in this world, where I have more than needed and another ends up with less.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the equality equation within all movements in my life, where I assess and direct my outflows to be that which is best for all rather than only supporting myself to move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that I am more advanced then another person if I am winning in a competition with them either directly or indirectly in my mind, and create an idea of myself that I am inherently better than the other, looking down upon them and creating a feeling of superiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become ruthless within who I am in competition where I will seek my own self gratification in a moment of instant gratification where another will lose out as I gain more, and so exist within a form of abuse where I take and another loses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately know that I am taking from another and continue to do so due to the addiction of believing I am better and more and so safe from abuse from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the abuser and so create abuse in an escape from my own fear of abuse from others who compete with me, and so perpetuate the competition playout of win and loss over many scenarios and beings in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self abuse where I believe I have to compete to survive and so do it out of fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy as fear as a driving force within me to compete and so create consequences that are not best for all, when I see, realize, and understand that this equation can be lived out and considered in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live in breath here and consider each movement I make in what is best for all, where I take responsibility for myself and actions, and support solutions that will support all.

When and as I see myself go into the desire to win, I stop and breath, and realize this will outflow into a form of abuse either to myself or another.

I commit myself to move into the equality equation of what is best.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my fear and move into a calmness where I can live the word physical here as all are here equal to myself.

I commit myself to find solutions that are best for all and stop the desire to win.

I commit myself to live the word competition in a way of understanding what is best through trail and error, and determining through groups and test what is best for all if not apparently understood, and that which is supportive for all in all moments.