Day 15 - Self Harm as self abuse

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From since I can remember I have always had a point of seeing myself inferior to others specifically that i am not able to handle myself well with other people, I can never to me in my mind get to a point where i can actually just be stable, be humble, be here, though this a form of an idea/belief, equaling not real, cause i see i can breathe, i can be humble, i can be here in the here moment of myself, i can be present, I can stop my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, so it is possible. I am in a point of again walking through resistances of, its the living of it, so when i don't walk the points of self support through walking through the resistance, walking the self forgiveness, and changing myself, this creates self judgment and in this self abuse where i believe and start to spiral into self defeat. 

This just causing more consequence, so it's in a way useless and harmful to all as self as it just takes longer to get through what is here as self's process of self change to align with what is best for all. We all will walk this process, its a matter of the process each one individually will go through based on one's self honesty and sticking to the life principles in one's living, which is common sense. Obviously the longer one takes, the more harm, and in this all have to wait and this creates more pain. Why? I ask myself this a lot, why am i doing this? why can't i stop here now? why can't i see the solutions when it's so obvious? what cause me to fall so much and so often? And I keep moving back to the basics, the application and self will, the more one stick to the basics and continue to change and do what is best for all, the stronger and so stable one will become in the face of what is here and what needs to be walked by self, and in this this is best for all, suffering ends/pain is released.

This is  a test this earth, and life is here, the innocence that exist within and as everything, it's here, yet also is our cross to bear and face our maker which is ourselves, not a pretty sight for myself but there is no point in getting emotional about it, best is to self forgive and keep walking the change that is best for all life. 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for mistakes and failures in my process where i have deliberately abused life and gone into reaction as anger where i did not consider the outflow of my actions and thus created myself in a de-maned state where life as myself and those around me became of pain and suffering and in this i take responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the ills of life where i accept myself to go into nonsense where my life becomes about possessions and falling and failing instead of stopping this and letting go of the addictions to energy highs as if this is what life is.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for falling and failing in addictions in my life when i was to stop and stand, causing consequences i could not for see and were of harm to life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i am weak as an emotional point of inferiority, instead of seeing that weakness in the body as physical is real, though it can always be adjusted and aligned based on what is practical for life and one's environment. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for the harm i have cause by not stopping when i was able to and thus avoid consequences that are were more then i could foresee and thus cause more consequence and harm then was necessary.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself in contempt in the past and not truly forgive myself and let go, and thus never allow and accept such consequences ever again.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the reach of harm that my actions specifically have caused to life in many and all forms through the self interest and deception that my actions participated in and as.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself for my judgment on myself for causing life as innocence to be corrupted and enslaved due to self interest and addictions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being addicted to energy and wanting to harm myself for such abuse that i can see and understand that is going on in this world where the innocence of life is harmed and corrupted because of my ignorance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become ignorant within and as my life and the life that is here, and not care about what was happening but be narrow minded on what i desired and what i believed and thus didn't do the proper self investigation within self honesty and thus allowed innocence to fall as i allowed myself to fall. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall and the innocence of life to fall because i believe i am weak and inferior and thus allowed myself to live this out, where it's i understand and realize not about being strong or weak, but standing in principle and having no morality within the point of doing what is best for all life where life is understood in the degree where no harm is ever allowed and it stops as i stop myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not stopping. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to betray others within my world where i judged them based on ideas and thoughts and in this lost my integrity and innocence within this life as i allowed myself to become de-monic and harmful through addictions and not being self honest. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for betraying myself and life within my actions of addiction and being self dishonest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire the addiction of the energy i was generating and in this become possessed by it through ideas of love and caring when in reality it was about my addictions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who were involved instead of letting go of the judgment, stand in the shoes, and realize i am part of that and thus i must forgive myself for these points and direct it in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as superior and part of something more, when in reality, again it was a desire and hope. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be special and more then, and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire a hope that things would be better. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in hope.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow hope. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow my desires.

I see, realize, and understand hope and desires are part of the mind as separation, when life is here as myself and the actions for a better world is within the actions day to day as my self change and walking into the system and changing it in a way that is best for all through changing myself in the moments and living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, i see, realize, and understand blaming anyone for my reactions within me is harmful and creates more separation and abuse. 

I commit myself to let go of judgment of myself, leave it in the past, and stand up in myself each moment breathe by breathe, forgiving myself for my reactions, and changing myself in my physical day to day by being self disciplined and doing what is best for all in the moment.

I commit myself to stop my self abuse by stopping all addictions, by actually living the change and stopping and so prove it in reality by specific action plans and testing myself such as being in a room of sweets and not indulging.

I commit myself to stop all blame and take responsibility for myself, direct where and how i can to support a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to be gentle and humble with myself even with the mistakes and falls and failures, so i can continue to correct myself and do what is best for all. 

I commit myself to stop my ignorance and embrace all as myself as self acceptance as i am all that is here, i am the system and thus i accept this and so i can change it by not reacting, i forgive myself when i react and reestablish my stand in what is best for all life. 

I commit myself to never betray others or myself, and stand in vulnerability and self honesty to never again allow the enslavement of life as myself and for this to be done enough is enough.

I commit myself to never give up on myself or what is best for all life until it's here for all as self.

I commit myself to restore my innocence through self forgiveness and self change in living what is best for all and thus i can stand one day in humbleness in the innocence of what is here as life.

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Best for all life until it's done.

Dependency - Day 576

I have been seeing within this specific relationship I have in my head toward a particular being that I enjoyed and want to get to know more, but they are not showing signs that they want to get to know me more intimately and deeply. There is a couple points of reaction I am seeing causing this point of compromise within me where I am reacting in anger, jealousy, inferiority, and desire, and through this is based on projections I am having of what could be, what I would want to have happen, fear of lose, and so I am seeing this is all being created because I have allowed this point of dependency on others to define and so give myself direction in my life instead of creating this for myself.

This is stemming from my childhood where my parents always supported me with giving me words to who I was in a positive way, and so taking on this positive outlook of myself and in a way believing that this is all I am. Then others in my reality showed points of negativity where I would then start to question who I was within me due to a belief that I am defined by the words of others and believing that what is said to me is who I am. This obviously causing conflict within me, a desire to be a follower of others who give me positivity, seeking out those who give me this, and so create a dependency on this experience I get within me when someone gives me a compliment or an experience is created from the words or actions shown by another that is making me have feelings of acceptance, cause within myself I am not giving this to myself and directing myself through living words that are best for self and so best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on the words and gestures of others that give me an experience within myself of positivity, where the experience of feelings come up as energy that I follow as a ride I go on, and from there when the energy has diminished within me as energy feeling and so the ride I was on is over, I go into a depression, a sinking, an experience that I am now less because I no longer have the experience within me of feeling something ‘good’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the experience that come up within me as points of energy with thoughts of how another will give me something or gave me something such as a positive loaded comment where I experience myself different from the usual lack of confidence I have experienced myself within due to the lack of positive feedback I have received from my reality and so created this seesaw within me as conflict of feeling less then myself here as a being that is physical and present, and so become dependent on others in my reality to show me who I am and within that, be defined by the energy experiences within me as energy that comes and goes as the fleeting moments in time I participate in, which is participating in the mind consciousness system feeding off the reality I am living in instead of standing one and equal within it and directing who I am based on my living as words and so actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts within my mind of ‘I am not able’ ‘I am not good enough’ ‘I need a partner who will give me a sense of my self as a ‘nice’ person and through this compromise my stand as life here one and equal to all beings here, where I am not dependent on taking from others and within this needing others to support me to live here as a being of worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the words of others within me through energy as positive reinforcement where I have defined myself solely on what others say to me rather then standing as a point of support for myself as myself and walking with reality as me as a stand for life as a pillar within who I am as I live and so from here am able to be an equality and oneness with others in all ways and be interdependent in the sense that I am not in need of others to give me life as energy experiences in me I follow and ride, but I give life to myself as living words as my self honesty in action and so can give life as I equally receive the life of who others are here in return and thus expand and learn about life here in oneness and equality in what is best for all.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed jealousy of the relationships of others that is built on solid ground and are a living example of what this stand as this point and so instead of creating this for myself, I disempower myself through self interest and create jealousy because within myself I am in self diminishment as I am not as of yet walking the path of self forgiveness, self honesty, and so living change to become empowered within myself as I change who I am from dependent on others to standing as an equal and realizing the oneness that does, in fact, exist here and that can be created as this equality is lived through words I redefine and live for myself and so share who I am with others on solid ground as I am grounded in my living here by actually standing within me and without equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger toward others in my reality to have what I want instead of realizing, seeing, and understanding that this has nothing to do with the other beings in my reality, but all to do with my own compromise within myself as I am showing to myself that at this time I am standing as not willing to walk the path of correction, which is a process of realignment in my living to define who I am within and so to the without in self introspection, self forgiveness, and living change and become my own understanding and presence of life as I live the correction process I walked in writing or sounding within self-forgiveness to learn what it’ll take to walk the path and process of self standing, self-empowerment, and self real-i-zation of the reality of self being here in who I am as my words redefine to align and so become one and equal with my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at others in my reality who are standing as this point through and through, not realizing, seeing, and understanding that this anger has nothing to do with beings in my reality, but all to do with my own self anger as I am understanding within me I am compromising myself due to laziness, apathy, and non movement of the path and process that is required for reprogramming who I am in these moments of dependency on others and so creating myself in reality as a real being who speaks words and stands as my own living words as I redefine who I am in writing and sounding forgiveness and directing myself in my reality in total self-responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat hate and spite of others in my reality as I accepted and allowed the experience of self-pity and self inferiority, through this only diminishing myself and my own stand in my reality as a being with integrity and the maturity to do what has to be done and walk the necessary physical steps of change required to walk the path of self creation in self responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not showing me the reality of what is here and so blame others in my world in many ways for not being there for me, when this is actually a gift and doorway to the path of forgiving myself for my miss-takes and living my forgiveness where I change myself to stand on my own two feet grounded in reality and standing as an equal as I redefine who I am as life in words that are supportive and best for me and so will equal and one support others as well.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others in my reality and so diminish within the experience i have created of a belief that i am not as good as others or i am better, creating a lack within me and so a lack in my living where i go into an experience that i need something someone where because within myself i am not giving it to myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create competition to beings in my world that i see that have what i desire, instead of realizing that i am not standing within myself as a being with integrity to walk the actual walk it takes to stand as that beings equal in care, regard, and consideration of what is best for all, and in that spite myself as life and become compromised as life as a diminished version unwilling at that moment to walk the process of change. 

I commit myself to stand in the words integrity as my internal grit to walk the change necessary to stand as an equal to life as i live what is best for all in regard of all and create myself within  my lviing to be here present as the precense of myself willing and able to create agreements that is best for all and no longer need or particpate in mind games as competition, comparision, or spite as i let go of these experiences within myself as i walk the living change necessary within me and so give myself as life within  my living to create what is best for self and so best for all. 

I realize and understand that I am able through and through and in fact is the only way to walk the change process necessary to create myself as a real being in my physical living that stands as a equal in my words and so is able to be independent of the energy experience I have accepted and allowed through becoming polarized in my reality through energy as emotions and feelings, I commit myself to let go of thoughts through breathing, and live the word independent as a point of reference that I have a process of physical change that is necessary through writing and living words that I can direct myself within and so live that is best for me and so best for all.

I realize that I am whole responsible for myself and the change that is required within to stand as a plus one in the reality as my physical presence to align back in the physical world as an equal walking the breath here in what is best for all through living words of support for self and flowing like water in my reality to change who I am to stand in this regard where it’s about who self is and how self lives here.

I commit myself to walk the dimensions of mind compromise I am existing within that separates me from life here in equality and oneness in what is best for all and so the cross-reference I can use as support is the polarizing within me of energy and the experience of dependency that comes up moving into breath and living words such as independent, self worth, self love, and self responsibility to change self in the moment to let go of energy and physically live the correction to stand as an equal as my living matches my words that is here as me.

I commit myself to let go of the experience of blame onto others as I take responsibility for my own experiences through walking the process of self change to live as an equal to others and so live as a pillar within me that is self sustaining as I walk the process of self purification through self forgiveness and become real as a being that is in physical.

I commit myself to redefine the word dependent to stand as a dependable being who walks the talk of living words that I redefine and live in alignment with all life as so honoring the life within and so without equal and one as a being that is in fact equal and one and not taking from life and not giving as I'd like to receive first and foremost. 

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How to Create a Presence of Ease - Day 573

I have been looking at this word Reliable, and to me, this word is very sturdy, stable, and within it, it exudes a point of results that put one's reality and self in a state of calmness and ease. How does this work?

Let's look at some word play -

Reliable - Really I am able
                 Real capable
                 Really I am capable

Well for most of my life I have been very anxious and afraid, lots of thoughts have been created and participated in creating unnecessary angst and experience of rushedness and never being satisfied with me. When there is this constant hum of noise as chatter going on in my head about many different things and all the while accumulating energy as fear and anxiety, life becomes rather unstable, chaotic, and not enjoyable most of the time.

For instance, say you are in a house and you have shit everywhere, clothes piling up, dishes piling up, books and papers laid across the counters, tables, and dressers. You are not able to slow yourself down and become calm in your own house because there is so much mess everywhere, causing a sort of chaos within, which causes stress. We all can relate to this experience, this sense of angst and anxiety that clutter and mess make us feel. And then the day comes where you have had enough and you do an hour-long clean or for the messier ones amongst us, a 6-12 hour long clean, and then things become orderly again, your space is simpler, is understood, and you are within yourself feeling more calm, stable, and at ease.

These moments in my past where how I lived my life, in like a rollercoaster ride week by week, never getting down to the actual living words I needed to embody to keep the experience of calm, at ease, and stability a constant in my everyday life. No matter what is here and what I face, like a sink full of dishes or a house that is a mess, there is no need to go into any anxiety because of it. If one has redefined and programmed essentially the tools and so the solution to keep the presence of ease and calm consistent in one's life, then the anxiety will virtually disappear.

The word I have seen that is most supportive in embodying the experience of ease, calm, and stability within and eventually to the without is the word reliability. This word is supported with a structure of discipline of self to bring about a resolution to have order, cleanliness, simplicity, and common sense practical application a constant consistent movement in one's life and living. If one practice and embodies these words and becomes reliable within the application of this step by step action, one can create a presence of calm and ease on a consistent basis in one's life, guaranteed.

Though I realize, there will always be times in our lives where we are caught off guard and things don't go to plan and becoming stressful and chaotic, though if one keeps to this application of being reliable in oneself, building trust in this consistent application of who one is in there best selves, and stay disciplined within the action of embodying this word reliable, the 'really I am capable' our lives will become much easier, simpler, and physical. Trust starts to build as one starts applying who one is as capable, able to do what needs to be done. It's a matter of will to live this and seeing the results for oneself. Working with physical reality is key because the key within the solutions is the doing and who you are within it, asking questions such as what makes sense here? where do things go that makes sense? what is the most efficient way to do this or place this? what is the simplest way to get this done or put away? how best can this task be accomplished? what do I have to do to get this done?

And push oneself through the challenges, to find out your strengths and support yourself in strengthening your weakness. Actions create results, and you can direct how that is going to go. By being reliable within finding a solution in the discipline of sticking to order, simplicity, doing what is best for all, and keeping consistent in the application to find solutions for your life, life becomes more at less stressful and thus calmer and so more content. Stay consistent in this effort within the word reliable of self, and you will embody it as yourself and so create a presence within self of ease naturally and for the long term.

It's a process, enjoy and be grateful for your self pushing through and standing as words of support not only helping you but others as well in your environment.


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The Most Important Point in Life and Why? Garb Shares - Day 567

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The Experience of Being Hurt - My Realizations and Forgiveness - Day 563

Who I am as being hurt by others?

When I am not considered within the point of conversation or interaction, and I take it personal that others are brush with me, quick, overlook what I say or don’t listen at all and go into a reaction, I see the experience of hurt come up within me. Like I have been disregarded, I am not respected, and thus I am alone in my reality. I feel rejected in these times which brings up the experience that I am not able to thrive in the way of my reality that I’d like to, wherein I am able to interact with others, take in what is expressed, and within that be at peace and calm within myself, and express back in a manner that shows a point of maturity that supports and creates life rather then disturbs and destroys.

So I am looking at this experience of acceptance from my reality where if I am not received in a way of getting some sort of positive feedback, I take it personal and become emotional within the experience of hurt. Hurt being the energy experience that feels like a pit opens in my stomach area and my being drops in there feeling lost, my body goes into a slouch and sinking experience, and I become quiet and reserved with others in these states. Tending to go within and shut down not allowing any communication or people to come in until I have recovered and in some area have been uplifted through a positive experience. Leaping from one area to another within myself of being hurt and being happy again through an external stimulus that I have used as addiction to distract me from what I am facing with this hurt experience.

So what I am facing within being hurt by others is the fact that I am seeking acceptance and comfort from them, which is where I get positive feedback and when I don’t receive it I become hurt and end up becoming reactive back. I will go into more detail with the words I live out because there are more. Though focusing on the hurt experience I am having, this will be for example when someone comes at me in a bad mood because something happens in there life and they are not super pleasant, I say something to them and they snap at me. I will experience this hurt experience at this moment and believe that they are being mean, and through this take it personal where my mood will change into being moodier, angered, and resentful. This causing many consequences that are not best for all.

So here I will walk self-forgiveness on this experience of being hurt, and let go of the belief that I need people to give me positive feedback to feel accepted in my environment.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the people in my environment as hurtful when they express their own emotions in a time of weakness, and I take it personal believing that I am to blame or I am being rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as feeling rejected and left out if I am not received within the people in my environment in a positive way where they express themselves in a way that shows that they like me and I am good in there presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of feeling hurt because I have taken it personal in the sense that I have defined myself within the output of others and if someone does not show me pleasantly I believe it’s because they don’t like me and there is something wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself fully with the flaws and the points I have changed into the best, where I realize I am in a process of growth and rebirth changing myself daily to the best of my ability and pushing my will to give it my all this life, and thus this is something that I have created within me and so within this I have proven that I am for real and that I can be proud of that fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek acceptance outside myself instead of living this word within me as I create a home as my temple within and as myself as my physical body, giving myself care, positive feedback, and acceptance for who I am and releasing the idea that I am not enough, I am not good, and I need to do something to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need words of encouragement by others to feel fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I am not enough, when I see, realize, and understand that everything is here, I am enough as I am life fully, and I am able to walk the process as I see is here to become aligned to life one and equal.

I commit myself to create the moments in my day where I give myself care, self-care within myself of words of encouragement, gratefulness for who I have become, and recognizing the perseverance I have consistently shown to myself through difficult times and challenges to pull through and find solutions that support not only myself but others as well.

I commit myself to redefine the word home where I create a space within of comfort, safety, and relaxation as harmony in the understanding that this is a place of warmth to be at ease and know it’ll always be here as I am always here, it is within me thus home is here as me always I just have to breathe and create the space for myself.

I commit myself to give this care and warmth I will commit to live to myself to others unconditionally where I don’t seek anything in return, but practice my self fulfillment through living different ways and words that support me to take care and be self supported.

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Living the Word Freedom - Redefined - Day 555

Freedom

Current Allocation:

Freedom is something i desire but believe it’s out of reach for my life in this world. There is a yearning for freedom, like i know it’s there, it’s somewhere, it’s possible, yet it does not seem as if it ever will be reached without great effort and inner and outer change. Freedom also is represented in my mind through flags and fireworks and parades, where it’s symbolized based on holiday parties and festivities ingrained over my life time in my country that my family and friends very much participated in and some in the patriotism of it. I myself felt uncomfortable with the country’s freedom as i know that to get this so called freedom, war was involved thus to me showing that this is not real freedom, and that we will always be enslaved to this mindset that there is some enemy out there and we need to dominate or win to become free. Yet this same dominance and winning status is always under threat and always able to be destroyed through conflict, abuse, and thus suffering. Suffering and freedom to me were counter-intuitive thus counter-productive and essentially made no sense, so my relationship with the word freedom is as if it is a catch phrase, not real, and that those who follow this are insane or just brainwashed and not able to see clearly what makes sense and what doesn’t. I am also seeing anger within me towards the holiday of supposed freedom we celebrate and those who don’t question, yet, i see that this is my own reaction within me of a desire to want to be free for real right now. Though i see it is not yet possible and so i go and blame everyone else when i see, realize, and understand I was equally within that group to such a possessed degree due to culture and it’ll take a process of understanding, support, self forgiveness, and self correction to change the way the world as self lives freedom within and without.

Dictionary Definition:

free·dom

ˈfrēdəm/Submit

noun

1) the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

"we do have some freedom of choice"

2) absence of subjection to foreign domination or despotic government.

"he was a champion of Irish freedom"

synonyms: independence, self-government, self-determination, self-rule, home rule,

3) sovereignty, nonalignment, autonomy; democracy

"revolution was the only path to freedom”

4) the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

Etymology:

freedom (n.) Look up freedom at Dictionary.com

Old English freodom "power of self-determination, state of free will; emancipation from slavery, deliverance;" see free (adj.) + -dom. Meaning "exemption from arbitrary or despotic control, civil liberty" is from late 14c. Meaning "possession of particular privileges" is from 1570s. Similar formation in Old Frisian fridom, Dutch vrijdom, Middle Low German vridom. Freedom-rider recorded 1961 in reference to civil rights activists in U.S. trying to integrate bus lines.

It has been said by some physicians, that life is a forced state. The same may be said of freedom. It requires efforts, it presupposes mental and moral qualities of a high order to be generally diffused in the society where it exists. [John C. Calhoun, speech, U.S. House of Representatives, Jan. 31, 1816]

Freedom fighter attested by 1903 (originally with reference to Cuba). Freedom-loving (adj.) is from 1841.

Word Play:

Free-dumb, free-doom, free-dome, free = fear removed

Negative Placement:

Here i see that within myself there is a long path to become free and also a free world where life is able to co-exist and sustain itself as each one individual sustains themselves. So there is a fear here, fear of not having it, and thus more and more being removed from creating it as fear is not free, but the restriction of freedom. So bringing through a degree of stress, anxiety, and claustrophobia within the thought of if ever real freedom will be lived and what comes up within me is this world system, the enslavement of man over everything and everyone into destruction.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear that freedom is inaccessible within myself and this world as i go into the idea that freedom is impossible to reach.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look for freedom out in the world system, outside of myself, where i need to attain or reach something to become or get freedom.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe freedom is impossible to live within and as my self and so this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the living word of freedom within myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project freedom onto the way our system is set up at the moment and believe that it’s never going to be doable with all the abuse as enslavement that is existing here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world system and the people in the world system as the fault to why freedom is not able to be lived instead of bringing the point back to myself and seeing where in fact i am enslaving and limiting myself within my own self imposed ideas, beliefs, and judgments.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge and create ideas and beliefs about the way in which this world and within myself need to live instead of moving within the freedom of my own expression and through this working with what is here as it is here within the creative mobility that exist within any given moment as i create myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place freedom as an idea within my mind rather then a living word to be physically lived and created and so in this idea move into disempowerment within myself because it seems unattainable.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the function of myself and this world in this moment is not how it will always be and thus potential for growth and change is always here.

I commit myself to release the ideas, beliefs, and judgments of my expression in a moment and allow the expression of what is here as myself become free from limitations and expand within and through who i am as i create myself with what is here.

I commit myself to go into releasing the separation between who i am as the living word freedom moving into a flow of myself in any given moment taking responsibility for who i am and expanding through the support of this word as i move out of the dome of my limitations and exist here free as my fear is removed and i breath and live with and as reality.

Postitive Placement:

On the positive feeling side, I am seeing the word free is very light and electric feeling, like the potential for the best of life is possible within this world and it makes me feel airy and nice inside. There is an inkling of possibility, oh yes like a hope, and here i can see the complacency that settles into my mind and thus my physical where there is no real action of changing self and becoming self responsible through words and living. Thus the idea is nice to think about and ponder in my imagination of how great it’ll be or could be, yet all the while not actually really creating freedom within myself by living as it and so freedom does not yet actually exist cause it stops at the thinking stage because the energy fades and then I get hit with reality and it’s too much work/effort.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to move into a point of self desire as a dream state of what freedom would look like or feel like as i go imagining in my mind what this will look like or feel like, never actually making significant change to who i am in the physical as my words and living.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a hope of freedom coming one day if this and this and this works out and if i do this and this and this thing in the future soon to come, yet within my actual physical movement there is no significant change as i am spending my time dreaming about freedom and what i could and will be doing instead of actually living it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become complacent within myself with the imaginations of life in a free world and how awesome that would be tailoring it up with different technology and how humans will co-exist with animals and within this waste time and resources on mind generation and not self creation.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to my addictions as positive energy such as lust for a place of peace and freedom, or excitement in the thought of what a world would look and feel like, or the happiness feeling when i see in my mind’s eye all the animals and humans getting along, and within that be fulfilled as the energy releases and i stop actually moving in the physical and changing myself because i have accepted and allowed myself to get off on energy addiction in these imagination feelings that get created thus disempowering me to move myself and limiting my potential to live and become substantial and so do nothing of real value which supports all life.

I commit myself to move into the living words ‘i matter’ as i ground myself into the physical letting go of the imagination thoughts and create myself as matter within how i live in every moment to create real value as i move myself in the physical in what will be best for all life.

I commit myself to live words such as self creation and consistency as i move from my mind illusions into my physical living and letting go of the complacent addiction to go into hope and desire thus not actual do anything to change what is here within and without.

I commit myself to life the word freedom as i release myself from the addictive thought patterns of positive feelings and move into the solidity of my physical living, expanding myself through my limited beliefs and ideas and imaginations and creating myself in a real substantial way that will eventually create all life to be free to express here as the will themselves as all align as i live for myself in what is best for all life.

Re-Defining the Word Freedom:

The direct definition I see for the word freedom is to become free from the dome that is my mind as the limitations within fear i have accepted and allowed to hold me back from living as my creative expression in every moment. Freedom is the removal of fear as i will myself to be free beyond my limitations that is currently existing as my mind consciousness system programs and constructs holding me back from being me and who i am in any given moment as a self created being in what’s best. Freedom is what is beyond the limitations of self imposed mind systems and self live free from fear here.

For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Living Words Process and Support:
https://www.facebook.com/schoolofultimateliving/

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Self Supportive Material -
www.Eqafe.com

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Eqafe Hangout: Dealing with Difficult People - Day 550

Many thanks to Michelle for particpating and sharing her perspectives!

Find this interview here:

Dealing with Difficult People - Eqafe Recording

Interview Synopsis: 

"What does it tell you about yourself when there is someone in your life who you experience as being very difficult to be around?

How can you support yourself and the other person to step out of the destructive relationship dynamics?

Why is walking away from this person not the solution?" 

Here my guest and I will be giving perspective on our realizations and experiences within listening to the above interview and how it relates to our lives. Also, what we are doing to support ourselves to change this experience to be something of support for not only ourselves but all life in our environments. 

These hangouts are in support of creating a better world for all through education and self responsibility to become stewards of the earth and take care of each other in the best way of our abilities. 

Thanks for watching! 

Links to Check Out for More Support: 

A Chat with Sunette Spies: The Interdimensional Portal from Eqafe 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGp9D... 

Eqafe Site 

http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course - 

http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support: 

http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki: 

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page: 

https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Eqafe Hangout: The Consequences of Deceiving Self Honesty - Day 547

Many thanks to Gian Robberts for sharing his perspectives and

experiences on this topic. 

Gian's Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/gian.robberts

Interview discussed on Eqafe: 

https://eqafe.com/p/consequences-of-d...

Gian and I will be discussing this fascinating interview on a being walking his realizations in his life review through portal at eqafe on what he faced when he found himself deceiving his own self honesty within his life in relation to having a child. We will share our perspectives about the information that came through, and how it is supporting us in our processes through the mind into self creation. This to stand as a steward of the earth and support the creation of a world that is best for all life. 

Interview Synopsis:

"How can a few words spoken in one moment change the course of an entire life?

Why is self-honesty absolutely critical when making long term life choices?

Why can the price be quite high when we make choices that are not in fact self-honest?

A being shares how, in one moment their entire life changed, and how they had to re-assess who they were and how their life will unfold."

Links to Check Out for More Support:

A Chat with Sunette Spies: The Interdimensional Portal from Eqafe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGp9D...

Eqafe Site

http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -

http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support: 

http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:

https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DIPLit

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -

Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004

More on Living the Word PEACE - Day 546

Living the word Peace, which I have defined as a reference to be peace - p = patiences, e= emerging, ace = grace. So here it’s peace = patiences emerging as grace. Patiences I have redefined to be paying attention to the essence of life that always exist here in equality and oneness, and grace i have redefined to be grateful pace, which is complimentary to both the words patiences and peace as this grateful pace as grace is a slow, awareness of self, where i become aware of my breath, my movements in my body, and the movements of my world and within this live in an appreciation of the intricacy and majestic nature that is life itself living. Here i have also found that patiences is key because to become aware of what is here and get a point of understanding others and self within it all it takes a patiences of self. I have been practicing this because there is a lot to learn in a way, a lot to practice, a lot to substantiate within self, though this all can be done with a grace and a peace. So this balance of these practices in living words has been a supportive platform to live in more self awareness and awareness of my enviroment becoming integrated in realizing everything that is here is self.

Here it has been fascinating because I am starting to open myself up more to my enviroment, what can i learn about myself and what can i create and live to support others equally as how i would want to be supported, where I am taking notice more of the small, the simple, yet complex and always learning and growing within it as my self. And these principles are also foundational for me in my living, I always have these principles of equality and oneness and what is best for all at the forefront of everything I do as a reminder and a stamp so to speak of how I will live, how I will create, and who I will be as i move myself in my reality. This as a reminder until I am naturally living it as myself, and over time as I practice, these principles and living start to imprint and I start to live it more and more naturally. Though, my mind as the separation that I have accepted and allowed of myself is always here in a sense where I am still walking my process of self honesty, self forgiveness, and self change. I am seeing that within myself that specific words are also supportive to stand through challenge times or overwhelming times where i want to give into emotions or an experience and live out my separation. So in living the word peace i have found in a way I have more and more started to live in this state within myself as I understand myself and more importantly as i correct myself in my living.

But the moments my mind does come in with thoughts where i could be energized by say anger energy and impatiences, living the words peace where it is a solution point of what I want to create for myself instead of the anger, I also am seeing as I transition to this state of being as peace as my solution, I am having to in this moment of the trigger and my decision to either live a word of support or go into the energy and potential for abuse, I have to stand within living words such as integrity, commitment, and honor of life, so these are like reminder words or words I focus on in that moment of decision where I am triggered, am I going to go into it or can i live these words I have put in place to remind me of who I am, where I stand within myself, and what I want to create for myself and this is what i live.

I have also redefined these specific words as well, integrity being my internal grit, where when I live this word I check my inner core and I pull all my muscles tight and I stand up within this core of myself, like a directive decision to stand up straighter inside myself, and I make the decision to let go of the thoughts, state within myself who I am as life, as honor, as integrity, as my commitment to what is best for all life, and I decide to live the word peace, which is where I become patient with myself and others in my world and release the energy hold with a breath. When i release, I see what can i do to support the others and myself to find solutions in this moment and there is solutions that’ll come up automatically as there is always solutions for problems/issues if you are looking for them or you in fact just create them in that moment with using common sense and practical problem solving skills we all have.

So living the word peace has been in a way a stand within myself that I am directing myself to live and move as me as I face challenging moments in my life where i have that decision to decide who I am. I find speaking within myself that I do not accept and allow this thought to direct me, I live integrity here and I live peace, and this will create the movement of being at peace and moving in integrity because I have indeed lived with integrity walking what is best for all rather then giving into my mind and creating abuse in moments and the gift with living in such a way is a state of living in peace cause I created it for myself in real time.


For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Self Supportive Material -
www.Eqafe.com

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004

Eqafe Hangout - Reptilians and Parallel Timelines - Day 545

Many thanks to my guest Tormod Giedrem

Tormod's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tormod.hvidstengjedrem

Interview discussed on Eqafe:

https://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-parall...

Tormod and I will be discussing this fascinating interview on parallel timelines from Anu through the portal at eqafe. We will share our perspectives about the information that came through, and how it is supporting us in our processes through the mind into self creation. This to stand as a steward of the earth and support the creation of a world that is best for all life. 

Interview Synopsis: "How much do we really know about the history of our existence on this planet? As new archaeological evidence comes forward and contradicts the stories we have accepted thus far, how do we reconcile the difference between the history we were taught and the history that is now emerging? Have there been other civilizations and other earths parallel to ours that have bled through into our own? In this exclusive interview Anu sheds light on these questions and provides an entirely new perspective on time, history, and the untold story of heaven and earth." 

History of Mankind Series from Desteni on Youtube: (It's spoken in English, with Spanish subtitles) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqBjC... 

Links to Check Out for More Support: 

A Chat with Sunette Spies: The Interdimensional Portal from Eqafe 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGp9D...

Eqafe Site http://www.Eqafe.com 

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course - http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Eqafe series mentioned in video: Journeys into the Afterlife - https://eqafe.com/series/5-journeys-i... 

Channelling Support: http://wiki.destonians.com/Channels/M... 

Forum support: http://forum.desteni.org 

Desteni Wiki: http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page 

Eqafe Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136... 

7 year journey to life Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ... 

DIP Lite on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite