A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 258 – Does Survival of the Fittest make me a Robot?

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Day 258 – Does Survival of the Fittest make me a Robot?

“I will then calculate in my head within a quick scan of the other to see where i stand, and will then assess if i am able to win against them or not.”

Please reference these blogs for further context:
Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind
Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse
Day 255 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You - Part 1
Day 256 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You – Part 1.2
Day 257 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You 1.2 Continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how much I limit my self expression due to fear, fear of what others will do, say, and/or think of me, and thus I will exist within this fear in my living where I am on the defensive at all times, restricted and guarded around others due to this belief that life is a struggle and I have to compete to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within competition in my world in havingthoughts of sizing up others where in I assess within a moment whether or not I will be able to handle myself with another within a point of coming out on top with the other or feeling inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a fear of not having anything in life, not having any support from others, and thus being alone to fend for myself where I fear not making it and dying, and thus I will limit who I am here and what I will do around others due to this potential of lose and fear that I will be at a lose if I don’t go in prepared to compete and stay on top.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an in house or inner maintenance systemwhere I keep myself in check and also be on alter through scanning and access myself and myself within and around my environment and the people in my environment, where I will only move and express myself if I have assessed that I am more strong or more capable then others due to a calculation of the others look and the way they speak and thus go into a self definition and limitation of either being stronger or weaker according to how I have assessed myself according to the others comparison, and thus live into the role complete of what I assessed creating a separation between us based on assessing and living myself and who I am from a mindreality rather then the real reality of us being equal in fact as life here in this physical existence, here in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my self expression and the expression of my life in this world as my full potential to fear because I and accepting myself only to live form feelings andenergy as these feeling experiences I have created within me rather then letting them go as they are not real, they are not who I am, and thus they do not define me, and walking into reality, real common sense assessment in equal consideration of the other, and finding solutions to what is here that will work and suit both/all that live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my living expression be from a starting point of fear through comparison and thus create a limitation within the potential that can be here in every moment, and thus miss the opportunity for real full expression and creating with another something unique and original.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my mind reality only seeingwhat my mind is telling me and what I am believing to be true rather then live from physical life, what is common between both, and what makes sense to create a solution that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to others through a scan and an assessment based on picture and their mannerism in a few seconds rather then be open and here in my breathin the physical, getting to know the other, who they are within their living, and walking as an equal to understand the other through the realization that we are the same, we are both life and thus live from this starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed comparison and self judgment direct me into a fear reaction with others in believing I have to defend myself to live here, when I realize that this is not the way life has to be, I can stop my fear and thus stop separating myself by living from reality, what is real and what is common, our equal value within all and making sure this world honor real life and I as myself and all life stop living from the mind in our own little bubble worlds, only thinking about our own survival and thus our own self interest, and abusing life the whole time rather then supporting it and enjoying it as equals.