Inferiority in the Mind and Intellect – Part 4 – Day 373

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Opening Up Inferiority in the Mind – Part 1 – Day 370
Opening Up Inferiority in the Mind – What does it mean in the Mind to be Embarrassed? – Part 2- Day 371

Opening Up Inferiority in the Mind – Knowing When to Stay or Go – Part 3 – Day 372 

I was watching a speech of Norm Chomsky discussing the history of Haiti and the imperial powers it has been strangled by over a century of time from there liberation of French power in the late 1800s. It was quite fascinating to learn about the history of our country as the US, and the importance of understanding it to the extent where we cansee the consequence and be able to implement solutions to create a better world for all. I will continue this discussion on this particular case with Haiti in later blogs, but for now I would like to continue with the inferiority point I have opened up, where when hearing people ask questions, I had a thought come that ‘I would screw that up, I would be so nervous I couldn’t speak’, and this thought is based on an inferiority belief about myself that I am not as articulate and intelligent then Norm Chomsky and he will judge me in a bad way. And this is not in fact the case, the real point behind this is that I judge myself extensively and this is due to thinking that I am stupid and not articulate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own insecurities and judgments that I lack onto others within my world within an undertone notion that they are the cause of the feelings of inadequacy within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the inadequacy that I feel within myself and blames others for making me feel this way due to the experience I am having within myself in there presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief of lack within myself in comparison to another within my mind, where I realize in reality this will not live up to it’s absolute conclusion I have made because these absolute conclusions of what my mind is believing and I am so thinking and following is not real as it’s not based on fact but based on ‘created illusions’ within my mind I have projected onto reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my beliefs within my mind onto reality and thenreact to it in inferiority when in reality I created all of it and am limiting myself through my own fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me based on a point of belief rather then live in reality and build myself each step through the common sense solutions I see I will have to walk to grow and become better in my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the mind reality to direct me of feel good in energy rather then walk the necessary steps to build myself and stand stable not matter what I face through the tools shared of self forgivenessand self correction.

When and as I see I am going into a form of judgment and then blame onto my reality based on a fear within myself, I stop and breath, realizing that I am only limiting me and I am creating this all within myself.

I commit to let go of the beliefs in my mind and walk reality based living.

I commit to slow down myself through breathing until I am stable and so do not react when I see a form of blame or judgment experience within myself is coming up.

I commit to stop judging myself and walk the correction of accepting myself in reality and participating in reality equal and one.

I commit to face myself in writing and in the physical to move beyond inferiority and see myself equal to life and solive life to the fullest potential I can.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
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Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site

Opening Up Inferiority in the Mind – Knowing When to Stay or Go – Part 3 – Day 372

Featured Artist: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Visit more cool art here: Desteni Artists 

Follow this series:

Opening Up Inferiority in the Mind – Part 1 – Day 370
Opening Up Inferiority in the Mind – What does it mean in the Mind to be Embarrassed? – Part 2- Day 371

 

So a point opened up yesterday regarding a party I got invited to and based on being sick, I could not go, but the struggle was within myself of should I go or should I stay home. Some points that come up of why I would do one over the other is based on a point of fearing either the situation I am about to go to so I would not go in an attempt of avoiding facing the situation or a point where I would push myself to go when in reality I did not need to go such as being sick, and so being comfortable with staying home. I see within both scenarios there is the starting point of inferiority through not looking at reality for what it is and holding judgments about myself that I have projected on the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing others in reality based on a judgment I have made about myself that I will be inadequate and make myself lesser appealing then I was to them before I came to the party.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing others due to a judgment I hold that I am being seen by others as a lesser person due to my interruptation over the years of how people associated themselves with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted adna llowed myself to fear people seeing me in a bad way or not being liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to others who I assess as better in look or skill or intelligence and so fear facing these people in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing people in reality based on an assessment that I am less then them.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that reality is not based upon the imprint of what I am thinking in a moment to moment basis, but it is based on the actuality of the reality as truth of what is being lived and so aligning with this and assessing reality directly to so be able to live and direct in my ultimate expression as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the mind within fear and accept my mind to direct me in reality based on pictures, imaginations, beliefs, and ideas of what others ‘might’ be thinking about me or even if they are that I accept and allow that to effect and direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my mind personal and project it onto others to not face the mind and change myself in relationship to it because I fear it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mind and facing who I am as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to change and face all that will come with that in reality.

When and as I see I am going into fearing facing reality and the mind as myself, I stop and breath, and realize that I must walk in such a way to realize who I have become and so change myself to live in a different way that is aligned with the physical and common sense through my own physical process of actually living it, testing it, and finding the solution.

I commit myself to stop fearing my reality as my mind.

I commit to face the process of the mind as myself in my self will and action daily as I walk the journey to life.

I commit to support myself to change, stand up within myself when I fall, and change myself in the patterns that don’t support life to the patterns of living that due support life and do what is best for all.

I commit to stop projecting myself onto others as fears, note them, walk them in writing and move to the correction in my living.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site

Equal Money System - Site

Opening Up Inferiority in the Mind – What does it mean in the Mind tobe Embarrassed? – Part 2- Day 371

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Featured Artist: Andrew Gable

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Opening Up Inferiority in the Mind – Part 1 – Day 370

Being embarrassed I find is a reaction that is activated due to a starting point within myself of feeling inferior to the people/person I am interacting with that witnessed or was part of the point of me reacting in embarrassment within myself. So embarrassment is an outflow of a construct within my mind of existing within desires of being superior to others and so within this desire create the balancing out effect, which is becoming inferior. If I pursue superiority and the belief of myself that I am this, inferiority will also be created as a belief, neither are true in fact, but I certainly can create it to be real and thus true for me. Hence the way I am experincing myself at the moment, split and in conflict with reality and myself.

So with an embarrassing moment I had, there are already existing beliefs that I am trying to live up to or create in my reality based on them being created in my mind, so for example, a belief that I must never slip on ice and if I slip on ice especially in front of others, I will be seen as an idiot and so become embarrassed. This happen today and this is the thought I had, ‘of course, the mailman had to see that’, and so what creates this point of reaction to something that happen in reality that I had no control to stop in the moment, is the belief that I am inferior to others if I am not at all times living as my mind desires myself to live in - picture perfection. That's not real though and so the conflict in life and fighting this experience of embarrassment is being created, which is counterproductive and creating abuse within and as my physical body as stress and without in the world that I am separating myself from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a starting point in my world of desiring to be able to survive, to be better, to win, to get money, to stay stable, and so create the balancing point of inferiority to exist within me as I see, realize, and understand that when you create an imbalance within living such as desiring one and avoiding another living reality, you will create what you resist because of the mere fact that you are trying to avoid it and it in fact being a part of you to be faced and corrected thus it's impossible to avoid it because its a part of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am trying to avoid myself and not have to face the points within myself that I see as inferior and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for these points within myself that I desire to abdicate to the chance of living in polarity and so create an endless cycle of abuse towards myself and others through projecting reactions such as embarrassment onto others when all the while I see, realize, and understand it’s a point of anger within myself that I am not accepting myself and changing myself to embrace all of who I am here in this reality, change that which is not best for all, and walk through all the points needed to ensure this change in what is best for all is lived into reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself from the responsibility within who I am here as a being of life to correct my relationship to myself and to this world within separation that I have been living as inferior/superior and live what in fact is real and will then create the physical alignment that is required to start moving myself as well as all the life that is here that I will effect/touch in my living to move to the alignment of life as oneness and equality to balance this world into equilibrium and stop the way of life that is destroying who we are here as seperation of Self as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and embrace energy as the mind to direct me and give me instant satisfaction where I don’t have to move in fact in the physical to create self change, but can live in the mind in illusion and be ignorant in bliss to the fact that I am not considering life and how I am effecting it and still 'feeling' something, and so in this relationship of ignorance, abusing and destroying life in many ways that I would not in anyway want for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life and destroy life by allowing ignorance as bliss to overcome me and follow it completely where I don’t push myself to move beyond the mind in the energies of reaction but stay in it and participate in it and so continue to abuse others as I have in my reality and not change in self interest of having my 'own' experience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to move beyond the reactions, energies, and beliefs of the mind and move into physical living completely as breath by breath decisions to ensure I am in self awareness and moving according to common sense and consideration of the environment I am in one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed with inferiority due to not accepting myself as is, and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align to the physical body and live in the physical, breathing, changing my living in self honesty and self forgiveness, and walking the path of life here out of the illusion of polarity, this where I am whole and complete and able to direct myself in self determination and self creation.

When and as I see I am going into survival and going into the polarity of desiring the superior stances in my world such as beauty attention, status, praise, prestige, reward, pleasure as my experience, I stop and breath, and realize that I am separating myself from reality and so will create separation in my world such as inferiority and embarrassment with the outflow consequence being abuse to others and myself. I realize these outflows of separation are not in fact real livinv as who we really are as life beings in awareness, but it’s the mind working as it does in it’s design creating energy to control self and so to have complete control of the physical reality.

I commit myself to move beyond the polarity of superior/inferior and direct myself in the moment in alignment with the physical necessary step to take, take a breath and assess the physical, and move within the assessment made in consideration of the physical environment I am in equal and one, and live.

I commit myself to let go of anger and the outflow of embarrassment within myself and towards my world.

I commit to embrace myself and accept myself in moments where I see I want to go into judgment, I breath, and bring myself back to the physical as who I am as life and step beyond the moment to a new moment that is here, fresh and stable.

I commit to let go of the past and walk breath by breath in each moment new here.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site

Equal Money System - Site

Why Try When I Can Live - Day 336

So a lot of times I speak of 'oh, I will try to do this' or oh 'I will try to do that' and my partner pointed out to me one day that what are you trying to do, why not just do it? And I hadn't really ever considered that point before because I would say 'try' so automatically, just like how it is, I will 'try' and thus that's all I can do, like a point of self defeatism before I even walk whatever it is I am 'trying' to walk. 

I found that within this statement that I make, it gives room in the back of my mind to escape, to not actually live the words, to not have to give it my all, but I can say 'oh I tried, so that is good enough' never living extra-ordinarily, never giving everything of me, never giving it 100%, and it's like why have I never considered this, why am I not giving it everything of myself, why am I not living 100%, and this goes for all of us humans, what is it that cause us to be a weakened version of ourselves when in reality we can be exceptional, the capabilities we each have in our own individual ways each and everyone that breaths on this planet is beyond the mind's comprehension, and can make for a world that is nothing as it is now, something that is truly extra-ordinary.

I mean why do we not live in such a way, I have found for myself that it's a belief system, a thought or a pattern of thoughts in my mind that I can't do it, saying things such as 'it's too tough', 'I am not smart enough', 'I am not good enough', 'I just can't', but what I have learned and what is shared through the desteni research is that the mind in how we think about things and believe in is not real, it's not physical meaning it's not who we really are.

We are in fact physical beings, we exist here in reality in our physical bodies, that is why we as destonians are walking a 'process', we are walking back into the physical, merging again with our physical bodies, point by point deconstructing it, understanding it through writing and introspection, forgiving ourselves to release us from the mind attachments and illusions, and changing our living in the physical to what is real, being here as the physical and with the physical through our physical bodies in each moment here, considering all others equal to ourselves, and doing what is best for al. Because have a look these are all real things, we are equals as the physical and so we all have a right to life, we all require what is best to live a life of worth, and so once we live this as who we are we will create the foundation for the extraordinary life that we all want to live and create, right? I mean come on we all have had enough of the strife, the struggle, the suffering, the destruction of the home we live on, we can all live in this world and create a systems of equality for all, we are equals and this is the truth and reality of what is here beyond the mind, beyond the illusions, beyond the self interest, beyond the desires, beyond the fears, life is here and it has always been here. 

So it's interesting because I never before really considered how self compromising and self limiting I lived my life as well as how often in this specific case of self limitation I used the word 'try' to manipulate myself into not having to actually move myself for real and give it everything I have. This, to get out of my responsibilities and not face the person I had created myself to be, in fear, inferior, less then who I really am as life, and so I stand and walk the process to correction. This is what I learned from Berarnd Poolman, he taught me and all others he met to not accept and allow a limited version of ourselves, we are in fact life, we have the potential of life within and as who we are, this life is what allows us breath, is what gives us breath, is the self empowerment that exist here within principled living, but we are not yet here as life because we are in our minds seeking energy in self interest.

If you look at the physical, we are all just flesh and bones, made up of the same organic matter, everything else that is not physical organic matter here in reality is made up in our minds, is not real, the beliefs, the ideas, the religions, the self definitions, the fantasies and imaginations, and so we have to question and understand why we pretend, why we create illusion, why we limit ourselves to a life of hell as beliefs and self definitions, these answers and more are found in the Desteni Research involving the mind. So I will stop trying to live, but actually live for real through physical movement and action as myself, this is my commitment to life, I will live here and bring life within and through me until it is in fact all that exists, life here one and equal. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the desire to escape my responsibilities and use words half haphazardly to pretend I am doing what I say I will do when in reality I am just escaping having to face my fears and face myself, and really change my living to be something that is of worth and will stand within and as this physical reality as truth. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use words as a point of hiding my true intentions of not wanting to face myself and thus accept fear to direct me by continuing in my trap of self sabotage and existing as the mind in energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can lie to myself in believing that if I say I will 'try' then that is good enough, that I put in some effort and that my intention was good, but never actually committing to giving it everything of myself, living fully with all of me in each moment I breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from fear only and exist within fear of living instead of giving myself the chance and opportunity to break free from this fear and live within the commitment of really doing it and use breath to walk the points through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself due to fear of others and fearing what will come of this if I face myself in the physical. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing feelings that will come up and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within who I am to fears, emotions, and feelings when I realize and see that these are illusions created in my mind, what is real is the physical and what is to be lived to create equality and do what is best for all through self honesty is within and through the physical as me as my physical body as breath.

When and as I see that I am using the word 'try', I stop and breath, and I realize that this is a point of self abdication to not have to face who I am and change in reality and stay in illusion as the mind. 

I commit myself to correct myself in making definitive statements of who I am and who I will be in each moment that are direct and clear.

When and as I see I go into fear and desire to escape myself and my responsibilities, I stop and breath, and realize that this is limiting my living and wasting time.

I commit myself to let go of the fear when I see it comes up as it's not reality based, and find the solution that is relevant to come to a point of stability and walking what is best for all considering and living within the physical reality. 

I commit myself to consider all before myself in seeing that I am part of a whole and it's not just me.

I commit myself to always consider my responsibility here and how life has to change, to be best for all through the living of this through me and thus live as an example for all others who can see and hear as I have seen and heard.

I commit myself to stand as an example of life here in the physical and stop the mind as illusion as thoughts, feelings/emotions, imaginations are not who I am, and thus I commit to direct the mind in my will as who I am as life one and equal to all that exist in the physical as what is real as this is life.

Other Blogs to Follow:
Creation's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Economist's Journey to Life
Activist's Journey to Life

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Day 313 - What the Hell am I doing?

So I am here on the desteni farm, and just being here for a few days, I am already seeing much support and thus much change within myself. One of the main changes I am focusing on is stopping the backchat about judging myself. I have now gone through quite a process of writing to get to this point of being ready to physically walk this change, of course, it just takes a decision and sticking to this decision in every moment of breath, but for a long while, I realized that I used my backchat to stay within my accepted and allowed limitation of trying to be seen as someone who is more then others because i judged myself as inferior. This in a subtle way, like desiring people to think I am cool, wanting to be around me, and thus obviously within myself I am creating these same expectations of others immediately causing a polarity separation with me and my environment meaning there is a conflict of interest as the interest always should be what is best for all, but with this split, I am only looking what will be best for me causing the mind fuck I have been in for now way too long.

While being here for the past few days and sitting in some interviews with the portal, which will be coming out soon, I finally asked myself, ‘really, what the hell am I doing?’ I finally am seeing the change necessary to stop this point of self sabotage, it’s been a journey because it takes education to understand what you are doing and what you are creating within you each moment you think or backchat, I found this series, The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination  extremely supportive in stopping self judgment specifically. Another supportive thing was Bernard said to me, “you are the only one creating what is going on in your head, no one else but you”, and this is so true, I am creating all sorts of assumptions and thoughts and memory imprints of moments in time, where I am using to judge myself and degrade myself as well as make myself more and better then others because of the constant cycle play out of seeing myself inferior and using others to make myself feel superior. So it’s the cycle of competition and trying to win, but in the meantime it’s having quite an effect on my self stability and how I see myself in reality because the focus is squewed, it’s never been about me and who I am within myself, how I am standing, but about what others think, how others see me or treat me, and thus only from these assumptions within myself I live my life thus creating much self compromise.

And so the backchat is always geared towards preying on the ‘weak’ around me, who I can find that is not as strong as others and then go ok, here I am ‘better’ then this one, so I can get a bit of energy to last me for a while until a new occurrence happens where I have judged myself and go back into negative energy feelings as bad, sad, you know those emotions, and then I will search for that positive energy again. So it’s like seriously, what the fuck am I doing, what kind of person am I creating within myself with these types of thought patterns, this type of nasty back chatting of abuse and scheming I am participating in, a nasty person who is completely self compromised because all this cause within me is paranoia and conflict within myself and thus in my world making me lost. I am not able really to discern and direct myself in a way that is functional and effective as I could have with my mind clear, my mind here, my mind focused on what is real and practical, but allow my mind to go haywire and all over the place with these constant comparisons and mind assumption story line patterns repeating themselves over and over again searching for positive energy in the way od self compromise and abuse to others as well as myself.

So I have started to really force breath awareness and stopping every pattern thought that comes through, all patterns of judgment or comparison in my mind seeing them as the realization that they are purely assumption and thus not something to follow, and breath through all reactions that come up of emotion or feeling, and continue what I am doing in the physical. If I do react, I note it and continue to walk by letting it go, stop focusing on it, and allow it to dissipate through time to end it’s connection to me as a memory. It is not something that has to define me I have realized, yes, I may have reacted and made a mistake or said something dumb or something like that, but I don’t have to terrorize myself, but can simply let it go and continue practicing breath, living from the physical, and moving myself in the principles I realize are true and best for all which is best for me, life is one in all walks that are here and we are equal within this fact. I simply have to continue on this process of accepting myself, letting go of the mind components of self compromise, and stick to breath, focusing on what is real as the physical and my living within it to become the most effective I can be through clearing and focusing my mind on what is real, aligning it with the physical reality equal and one to life which is in the end equal and one to me if I dare.

This the true path to freedom and total self awareness and becoming the utmost I can be because I am in the reality where this is done, here in the physical, in my mind it’s there and it’ can get very messy with the judgments, desires, backchat, emotions, feelings, so I stick to breath, stick to here as what I am doing physically, and walk the process to change self in this manner with self forgiveness and self correction in living. Also, a cool point has been developing since i started walking this and it's a self appreciation because I am really seeing me from a point of equality with my environment and thus in my body, this for the first time really within a point of self decision probably in my whole life, and it's like a weight has lifted off my back essentially because I don't have the pressure of trying to be someone or do something to show I am this or that, but simply be me and live and enjoy what is here, it's really that simple.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki
Equal Money System Website
Equal Life Foundation


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Day 9- The Cycle of Desire/Need and Jealousy - Part 1

Within growing up I have always played into this play out of desiring a person in my world to hang with, be around, and thus give me feedback in terms of who I am and what I am doing. Within this the starting point was always ego as it wasn't about me growing and expanding within my equality and oneness with the other in living expression, but it was to see how they make me feel, if they can see how 'special' I am, and so I can compare myself to these people and give myself a gauge to where I am in terms of creating myself as the best. So I look for points such as, do I match up to this person? Am I better skilled? am I better looking? am I smarter? Within this relationship play out over my whole life basically it has been about me in comparison and competition, to fulfill my self interest desires to be seen as special and the best to thus be able to exalt my ego as my mind in stimulation for these 'good' feelings.  This causing not an enjoyable stable life, but a life of turmoil and uncertainty as these relationships are always fleeting and no real trust is ever built as their is no trust ever built with self and nurtured into maturity due to the constant living into the mind dimensions of want, need, and getting 'good' feelings.

This then within being with other beings I created a need within me that I had to always have to have this being see me as the best, to be seen as special, to be seen as better, as I have now become addicted to the elixir of 'good' feelings that this generate when I am being exalted by another as my ego just eats this right up. So I built up this need for relationships with every point and person in my world, every being I meet it was in the starting point of gaining some 'good' feelings for myself as these feelings had become my reason for being, to be the best and to find those that will play into this game, so I can live in this great feeling forever. Just like a parasitic organism, which is not pretty as it sucks the life out of other living beings, but when I look in self honesty at the relationships we live in this world, it's nothing to do with 'love', 'union', joy with another, but about ego and who we can gain our energy fixes as we live on this energy to define and know who we are at all costs even if it's the harm and enslavement of other beings.

Within this play out of energy as good feelings we get with another in a relationship, we all know, what goes up must come down, all those who have played into the point of energy as good/bad feelings, and living out the chase to get the good feelings more and more, this we know will never last, the good feelings always run out, leaving us feeling empty and unfulfilled. The interesting thing about relationships is it can be played both ways, where each get there dose of good feelings, but always it will be brought with the oppositie polarity of bad feelings as you look within competition and comparison for your time to shine, missing self here within the other and thus fights' and jealousy games get fed. This is the game where we exist in fighting, then making 'love', then fighting, then love, and it goes back and forth, back and forth, but never being stable within ourselves with the other, because I as the being is on a roller coaster ride in my mind as I ride the energy of desires for more good feelings while coping with the 'bad' feelings that will follow as this cycle plays out.

Also, another point that plays out that I have found within relationships is the need to have someone always with me, here I realize this is so the energy can be continuously fed through having someone in my world who will play the game with me and give me the necessary energy I require as 'good' feelings to hold my belief that I am the best, special, and beautiful, all desires I have from a ego perspective to be better then others. Also, I see a point of fearing being alone as when I am alone I am forced to face myself and see that I have only been existing in my mind through desires and feelings, being miserable as this never lasts, and being all over the place as it literally is like a ride I am on that is too addictively pleasurable to get off, but I realize sooner or later it's going to die out and I am going to fall off the tracks, but not caring because for now, I am good. This the reasoning of the mind as it always stays alive as we continue to feed it as it contiues to feed off our life force using/abusing our human physical bodies as we lived day in and day out. (Suggest you go to Desteni or Eqafe and gain some understanding through videos/articles for more on this perspective of mind/physical relationship and who we are within it as life source/substance.)

When this relationship's energy starts to die out, I will have a new emotion and physical experience come up where I am jealous of any and all beings that get to that postion as equal to me with that specific being that I was gaining good feelings from, and I have been 'replaced' in my mind where I perceive as an idea  that I am no longer 'good' and 'special' within this relationship play out otherwise why would I be 'replaced', so the jealousy grows and gets fed through my anger and rage of losing that source of good feelings to another one who was in my mind is 'better', thus I allow anger and fuel my jealousy because I am not seen as good anymore feeding the ego as energy polarities going from good/bad as it plays out as we chase feelings as experiences in our world, a primary point this is played in is the relationship scenario as sex is an ultimate point of this good feeling generation.

So in this jealousy, I start the attack on the being that I perceive to have 'replaced' me or I perceive is gaining more energy from the being that I desire to have for myself. So also a point of possession comes in where I am possessed/obsessed with this being and exalt them as the 'best' because to be with me as in a relationship, to be my friend, you have to be the best because I only seek out the best within my idea of perfection I am seeking for and trying to live out within my world, so I seek for those that fit that picture to again feed my ego and make me feel special, good, because I am with my perceived perfection as a comparison to a picture in my head that I can then live up to and use as a gauge for myself as my mind. I go into this possessive point to try and hold onto the being, so within my backchat and within my physical actions I will diminish the other being who is now in the process of taking my 'place' where I perceive I will lose my energy source. Within these perceptions it then fuels my jealousy of this 'other' person who is gaining energy from my 'special' relationship and here I will go into manipulation to make them seem less then/inferior to me, I will diminish them at any chance I get as I see them as the enemy, we are at war and I am going to win. Jealousy fuels wars as it is in it's very nature has a potency to divide and conquer, this is what one want to do when you allow jealousy to direct you, it makes you nasty and it is an abuse to life as we seek to destroy that we see is in our way to source of ourselves as 'good' energy so thus we will abuse as we be'lie've this is the only way of life.

So points I realize within observing myself within this behavior and pattern personality play out is that it is a 'nasty' cycle as the relationship will never be real physical communication and intimacy with another because I am not here with the being, I am in my mind scheming, looking, pushing, forcing myself onto the other to gain energy as 'good' feelings as the being feeds them to me to get what they desire or want out of the relationship and I do the same to get my needs/desires met, so it's an addiction to energy game we play within relationships with the beings in this world fueled and continued to re-generate and exist through the jealousy polarity pole, to seek for a new source of relationship energy feeding or destroy the being who stand in my way.

These types of scenarios as relationships are not real and will never be real as I am not living within equality and oneness as life here within physical reality, I am in my mind in separation trying to live up to ideas, beliefs, and pictures to thus validate myself as I don't accept who I am as I am continuously in comparison with others and competing to be the best, which is impossible to be sustained as it's only energy that by definition will never last, it can't, as it is generated, where it's generated in our physical as the mind. In this play out as relationship I have written here, we see it is only for the mind as ego to gain energy as good feelings. It's an addiction to good feelings, believing that this limited feeling of good/bad play outs within competition and comparison is the only thing that exist for me here as I only exist within the mind reality, which is very limited compared to who we are for real, as one and equal with all of existence.

All the while missing myself as life, as life is here like in breathing, I am not here as I have no awareness of even the very breathes I am breathing when I am running around in all these scenarios in my mind beliefs, ideas, comparisons, competition that goes with relationships. I have realized the mind (link is perspective on the mind consciousness system which is inter-dimensionally placed system by the beings who created us) it is very limited, as it was never real, it was all an illusion, now when one realize this, what does that say about humanity/me? It says that we have been lost for a long while, but here is a process we are walking to realize ourselves as the mind and again walk ourselves into life, one and equal with the physical, it's cool to write this out and see the play out that is created within my participation as the mind, and thus from here I can write out the correction to thus be able to correct myself when I face these points again. This to create a world best for all life.

To be continued - Part 2 will include Self forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements..thanks for reading!



jealousy, relationships, competition, fighting, making love, boyfriend trouble, girlfriend, desire, need, obsession with another, possessed, demons, inner demon, mind reality, equality, self solution, cycles, desteni, wiki, eqafe, equal money, 2012