My Journey to Life: self defeat

Showing posts with label self defeat. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Why Try When I Can Live - Day 336

So a lot of times I speak of 'oh, I will try to do this' or oh 'I will try to do that' and my partner pointed out to me one day that what are you trying to do, why not just do it? And I hadn't really ever considered that point before because I would say 'try' so automatically, just like how it is, I will 'try' and thus that's all I can do, like a point of self defeatism before I even walk whatever it is I am 'trying' to walk.

I found that within this statement that I make, it gives room in the back of my mind to escape, to not actually live the words, to not have to give it my all, but I can say 'oh I tried, so that is good enough' never living extra-ordinarily, never giving everything of me, never giving it 100%, and it's like why have I never considered this, why am I not giving it everything of myself, why am I not living 100%, and this goes for all of us humans, what is it that cause us to be a weakened version of ourselves when in reality we can be exceptional, the capabilities we each have in our own individual ways each and everyone that breaths on this planet is beyond the mind's comprehension, and can make for a world that is nothing as it is now, something that is truly extra-ordinary.

I mean why do we not live in such a way, I have found for myself that it's a belief system, a thought or a pattern of thoughts in my mind that I can't do it, saying things such as 'it's too tough', 'I am not smart enough', 'I am not good enough', 'I just can't', but what I have learned and what is shared through the desteni research is that the mind in how we think about things and believe in is not real, it's not physical meaning it's not who we really are.

We are in fact physical beings, we exist here in reality in our physical bodies, that is why we as destonians are walking a 'process', we are walking back into the physical, merging again with our physical bodies, point by point deconstructing it, understanding it through writing and introspection, forgiving ourselves to release us from the mind attachments and illusions, and changing our living in the physical to what is real, being here as the physical and with the physical through our physical bodies in each moment here, considering all others equal to ourselves, and doing what is best for al. Because have a look these are all real things, we are equals as the physical and so we all have a right to life, we all require what is best to live a life of worth, and so once we live this as who we are we will create the foundation for the extraordinary life that we all want to live and create, right? I mean come on we all have had enough of the strife, the struggle, the suffering, the destruction of the home we live on, we can all live in this world and create a systems of equality for all, we are equals and this is the truth and reality of what is here beyond the mind, beyond the illusions, beyond the self interest, beyond the desires, beyond the fears, life is here and it has always been here.

So it's interesting because I never before really considered how self compromising and self limiting I lived my life as well as how often in this specific case of self limitation I used the word 'try' to manipulate myself into not having to actually move myself for real and give it everything I have. This, to get out of my responsibilities and not face the person I had created myself to be, in fear, inferior, less then who I really am as life, and so I stand and walk the process to correction. This is what I learned from Berarnd Poolman, he taught me and all others he met to not accept and allow a limited version of ourselves, we are in fact life, we have the potential of life within and as who we are, this life is what allows us breath, is what gives us breath, is the self empowerment that exist here within principled living, but we are not yet here as life because we are in our minds seeking energy in self interest.

If you look at the physical, we are all just flesh and bones, made up of the same organic matter, everything else that is not physical organic matter here in reality is made up in our minds, is not real, the beliefs, the ideas, the religions, the self definitions, the fantasies and imaginations, and so we have to question and understand why we pretend, why we create illusion, why we limit ourselves to a life of hell as beliefs and self definitions, these answers and more are found in the Desteni Research involving the mind. So I will stop trying to live, but actually live for real through physical movement and action as myself, this is my commitment to life, I will live here and bring life within and through me until it is in fact all that exists, life here one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the desire to escape my responsibilities and use words half haphazardly to pretend I am doing what I say I will do when in reality I am just escaping having to face my fears and face myself, and really change my living to be something that is of worth and will stand within and as this physical reality as truth.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use words as a point of hiding my true intentions of not wanting to face myself and thus accept fear to direct me by continuing in my trap of self sabotage and existing as the mind in energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can lie to myself in believing that if I say I will 'try' then that is good enough, that I put in some effort and that my intention was good, but never actually committing to giving it everything of myself, living fully with all of me in each moment I breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from fear only and exist within fear of living instead of giving myself the chance and opportunity to break free from this fear and live within the commitment of really doing it and use breath to walk the points through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself due to fear of others and fearing what will come of this if I face myself in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing feelings that will come up and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within who I am to fears, emotions, and feelings when I realize and see that these are illusions created in my mind, what is real is the physical and what is to be lived to create equality and do what is best for all through self honesty is within and through the physical as me as my physical body as breath.

When and as I see that I am using the word 'try', I stop and breath, and I realize that this is a point of self abdication to not have to face who I am and change in reality and stay in illusion as the mind.

I commit myself to correct myself in making definitive statements of who I am and who I will be in each moment that are direct and clear.

When and as I see I go into fear and desire to escape myself and my responsibilities, I stop and breath, and realize that this is limiting my living and wasting time.

I commit myself to let go of the fear when I see it comes up as it's not reality based, and find the solution that is relevant to come to a point of stability and walking what is best for all considering and living within the physical reality.

I commit myself to consider all before myself in seeing that I am part of a whole and it's not just me.

I commit myself to always consider my responsibility here and how life has to change, to be best for all through the living of this through me and thus live as an example for all others who can see and hear as I have seen and heard.

I commit myself to stand as an example of life here in the physical and stop the mind as illusion as thoughts, feelings/emotions, imaginations are not who I am, and thus I commit to direct the mind in my will as who I am as life one and equal to all that exist in the physical as what is real as this is life.

Other Blogs to Follow:
Creation's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Economist's Journey to Life
Activist's Journey to Life

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Saturday, August 17, 2013

What Does it Mean to Walk Process and Never Give Up? - Day 333

I have found in my process a resolved strength within me based on my decision to never give up because I know through this decision that no matter what happens and what I face I will walk through it and find a solution. Now this doesn't mean that my process or the points I had faced or will face will be any easier, it simply means that I have a clarity within me and thus a simpler way of walking my process because I already know the decision I will take in all instances that may or might occur, and that is that I will never give up on myself and see it through to a solution or stability. Through this decision and living it for some time now, I have gained trust in myself because I have proven to myself that I can live this by actually living it and walking through some tough points.

I am not done of course, I have much to walk, but this stand within myself has supported me immensely to see each point I face through and not allow myself to get sucked into the mind in self pity or self defeatism. I have found this decision to be solid within me because of the respect I have of life and truth I see as self evident in the principles of life in who we are as one and equal to each other as the flesh, and the obvious creation this will bring forth if/when we as a group as humanity live this with each other and for each other never giving up on ourselves until all is one and equal as life. This takes a dedication within self and this application of never giving up is the living out of this dedication to in the face of the untruth which is our world of abuse and dishonor of life, to continue in the resolve that one day the truth of who we are as one and equal will be the natural order of how we live and I as life have changed to be a person that respect and honor life one and equal to how I would want to be respected and honored.

This application of never giving up I have decided upon ensures within me the inevitability of change, and I have already seen and witnessed this within my process because over time eventually change occurs. And I have fallen many times in many points this is how it is, but the point is that I always continue on and never give up. So when you find yourself at a point that you feel like you just can't go on, it's too much, you can't do this anymore, this is where the decision of this application to never give up will be useful especially because even when it does get tough, the direction forward is clear, you will not give up, ok done, I know what I have to do, I continue, I use the tools, I forgive myself, I see the change that is needed, and I move on.

Another helpful application I have applied in my process within points that seem tough or I fall in is the application of not judging myself for the fall and simply continue to move on, this also applicable to the decision to never give up because within this you will fall and you will see it is very difficult at times to get back up, but it's important to learn and accept yourself when this point of falling because it will happen many times, it's part of learning and change. And once the point has moved meaning I have found a stability again after the fall through breathing and when the energy release, I go 'ok, what happened there, why did I fall?' And then I find the points that I fell on or was dishonest within, and I walk the tools of self forgiveness, and I give myself the understanding to walk it through to correction and eventually it sticks, and I have changed.

So along with living self honestly, breathing as a stability, writing in self forgiveness and self introspection, and changing my living, my decision to never give up on myself and life here in what is best for all that I/we are walking remains here always within me and as me as I continue walking my process to life. And so never giving up on myself essentially has been a solid support for me to know that this process in a sense is already done, I just have to keep walking until I/we get there, when that is is irrelevant because it will be, so that's ok, I am ok, and I just keep walking because I realize I will never give up on myself and so I will be who I am as this statement until it is done.