Dependency - Day 576

I have been seeing within this specific relationship I have in my head toward a particular being that I enjoyed and want to get to know more, but they are not showing signs that they want to get to know me more intimately and deeply. There is a couple points of reaction I am seeing causing this point of compromise within me where I am reacting in anger, jealousy, inferiority, and desire, and through this is based on projections I am having of what could be, what I would want to have happen, fear of lose, and so I am seeing this is all being created because I have allowed this point of dependency on others to define and so give myself direction in my life instead of creating this for myself.

This is stemming from my childhood where my parents always supported me with giving me words to who I was in a positive way, and so taking on this positive outlook of myself and in a way believing that this is all I am. Then others in my reality showed points of negativity where I would then start to question who I was within me due to a belief that I am defined by the words of others and believing that what is said to me is who I am. This obviously causing conflict within me, a desire to be a follower of others who give me positivity, seeking out those who give me this, and so create a dependency on this experience I get within me when someone gives me a compliment or an experience is created from the words or actions shown by another that is making me have feelings of acceptance, cause within myself I am not giving this to myself and directing myself through living words that are best for self and so best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on the words and gestures of others that give me an experience within myself of positivity, where the experience of feelings come up as energy that I follow as a ride I go on, and from there when the energy has diminished within me as energy feeling and so the ride I was on is over, I go into a depression, a sinking, an experience that I am now less because I no longer have the experience within me of feeling something ‘good’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the experience that come up within me as points of energy with thoughts of how another will give me something or gave me something such as a positive loaded comment where I experience myself different from the usual lack of confidence I have experienced myself within due to the lack of positive feedback I have received from my reality and so created this seesaw within me as conflict of feeling less then myself here as a being that is physical and present, and so become dependent on others in my reality to show me who I am and within that, be defined by the energy experiences within me as energy that comes and goes as the fleeting moments in time I participate in, which is participating in the mind consciousness system feeding off the reality I am living in instead of standing one and equal within it and directing who I am based on my living as words and so actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts within my mind of ‘I am not able’ ‘I am not good enough’ ‘I need a partner who will give me a sense of my self as a ‘nice’ person and through this compromise my stand as life here one and equal to all beings here, where I am not dependent on taking from others and within this needing others to support me to live here as a being of worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the words of others within me through energy as positive reinforcement where I have defined myself solely on what others say to me rather then standing as a point of support for myself as myself and walking with reality as me as a stand for life as a pillar within who I am as I live and so from here am able to be an equality and oneness with others in all ways and be interdependent in the sense that I am not in need of others to give me life as energy experiences in me I follow and ride, but I give life to myself as living words as my self honesty in action and so can give life as I equally receive the life of who others are here in return and thus expand and learn about life here in oneness and equality in what is best for all.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed jealousy of the relationships of others that is built on solid ground and are a living example of what this stand as this point and so instead of creating this for myself, I disempower myself through self interest and create jealousy because within myself I am in self diminishment as I am not as of yet walking the path of self forgiveness, self honesty, and so living change to become empowered within myself as I change who I am from dependent on others to standing as an equal and realizing the oneness that does, in fact, exist here and that can be created as this equality is lived through words I redefine and live for myself and so share who I am with others on solid ground as I am grounded in my living here by actually standing within me and without equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger toward others in my reality to have what I want instead of realizing, seeing, and understanding that this has nothing to do with the other beings in my reality, but all to do with my own compromise within myself as I am showing to myself that at this time I am standing as not willing to walk the path of correction, which is a process of realignment in my living to define who I am within and so to the without in self introspection, self forgiveness, and living change and become my own understanding and presence of life as I live the correction process I walked in writing or sounding within self-forgiveness to learn what it’ll take to walk the path and process of self standing, self-empowerment, and self real-i-zation of the reality of self being here in who I am as my words redefine to align and so become one and equal with my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at others in my reality who are standing as this point through and through, not realizing, seeing, and understanding that this anger has nothing to do with beings in my reality, but all to do with my own self anger as I am understanding within me I am compromising myself due to laziness, apathy, and non movement of the path and process that is required for reprogramming who I am in these moments of dependency on others and so creating myself in reality as a real being who speaks words and stands as my own living words as I redefine who I am in writing and sounding forgiveness and directing myself in my reality in total self-responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat hate and spite of others in my reality as I accepted and allowed the experience of self-pity and self inferiority, through this only diminishing myself and my own stand in my reality as a being with integrity and the maturity to do what has to be done and walk the necessary physical steps of change required to walk the path of self creation in self responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not showing me the reality of what is here and so blame others in my world in many ways for not being there for me, when this is actually a gift and doorway to the path of forgiving myself for my miss-takes and living my forgiveness where I change myself to stand on my own two feet grounded in reality and standing as an equal as I redefine who I am as life in words that are supportive and best for me and so will equal and one support others as well.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others in my reality and so diminish within the experience i have created of a belief that i am not as good as others or i am better, creating a lack within me and so a lack in my living where i go into an experience that i need something someone where because within myself i am not giving it to myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create competition to beings in my world that i see that have what i desire, instead of realizing that i am not standing within myself as a being with integrity to walk the actual walk it takes to stand as that beings equal in care, regard, and consideration of what is best for all, and in that spite myself as life and become compromised as life as a diminished version unwilling at that moment to walk the process of change. 

I commit myself to stand in the words integrity as my internal grit to walk the change necessary to stand as an equal to life as i live what is best for all in regard of all and create myself within  my lviing to be here present as the precense of myself willing and able to create agreements that is best for all and no longer need or particpate in mind games as competition, comparision, or spite as i let go of these experiences within myself as i walk the living change necessary within me and so give myself as life within  my living to create what is best for self and so best for all. 

I realize and understand that I am able through and through and in fact is the only way to walk the change process necessary to create myself as a real being in my physical living that stands as a equal in my words and so is able to be independent of the energy experience I have accepted and allowed through becoming polarized in my reality through energy as emotions and feelings, I commit myself to let go of thoughts through breathing, and live the word independent as a point of reference that I have a process of physical change that is necessary through writing and living words that I can direct myself within and so live that is best for me and so best for all.

I realize that I am whole responsible for myself and the change that is required within to stand as a plus one in the reality as my physical presence to align back in the physical world as an equal walking the breath here in what is best for all through living words of support for self and flowing like water in my reality to change who I am to stand in this regard where it’s about who self is and how self lives here.

I commit myself to walk the dimensions of mind compromise I am existing within that separates me from life here in equality and oneness in what is best for all and so the cross-reference I can use as support is the polarizing within me of energy and the experience of dependency that comes up moving into breath and living words such as independent, self worth, self love, and self responsibility to change self in the moment to let go of energy and physically live the correction to stand as an equal as my living matches my words that is here as me.

I commit myself to let go of the experience of blame onto others as I take responsibility for my own experiences through walking the process of self change to live as an equal to others and so live as a pillar within me that is self sustaining as I walk the process of self purification through self forgiveness and become real as a being that is in physical.

I commit myself to redefine the word dependent to stand as a dependable being who walks the talk of living words that I redefine and live in alignment with all life as so honoring the life within and so without equal and one as a being that is in fact equal and one and not taking from life and not giving as I'd like to receive first and foremost. 

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Day 298 – Self Judgment – Is Comparison the root of all Evil?

What I have realized through excellent support within the series on eqafe, The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination – specifically in regards to walking through the dimensions of self judgment, and how in essence it is based on a point of bullying, punishing, and sabotage oneself through one’s own hand so to speak as thoughts, backchat, imaginations, pictures, and memories one participate in based on comparisons one has made and continues to exist within through out ones days and eventually one’s life. And so, I as self judgment through comparison define myself constantly and continuously through my external world through polarities based on my own self interest desires of wanting to be perfect for others, and so I stay trapped within the mind in abuse as there is no end to this because it’s impossible to fulfill as it is not real, it’s in my mind, and the mind and reality never match up.

Comparison is not a single event that one does and then just leaves from that moment to the next, it stays with you over time and through time, and you define and continue to redefine yourself from this external view of the mind as a comparison over and over and over again, seeming that it is a new scenario cause it is a new environment, but it’s the same pattern repeating in the mind.

Comparison is the root of all evil of self I found based on the nature of who one is within it, this for me has always been me against myself, not being satisfied with who I am in some parts and thus desiring to make these parts better through seeing what it look like and trying to change it to be that. But what is not realized within this on the surface is the amount of self judgment, anger, jealousy, and resentment is built because within the physical aspect I do not like for instance, I can never change, I mean I can’t reconstitute my physical body to be different shaped, different look, different position, it’s impossible, so I am fighting the impossible basically not realizing that this fight is and will continue to go no where. But I continue because there is that time where I am more, I do have a comparison where I am better, so then I feel good again about myself. It’s like an unconscious sleep walking cycle I have been living in, seeing myself powerless to stop this based on not realizing that there was another way, that is where desteni has stepped in and stepped up to show me how to correct these points and stay committed to do this.

Within the mind of the human, we like to create that which isn’t actually there in reality, but more often then not I define myself and determine who I am based on this conclusion of the results of my mind imaginations, and thus based on desires and not common sense, I search for this impossibility as perfection within the ideal picture I have created in my mind of this. Now I realize that the physical can and will never match up with my mind because the mind doesn’t and can not take physical reality into consideration. The mind is creating itself from memories as thoughts that are stored within the physical body, and uses this database of memories to define self to it’s own optimum outcome not in consideration of me as the self in equality, but in the interest of itself as an energy generator. The mind is after energy, and me as self judgment within the constant dueling of this judgment through comparison through jealousy, superiority, inferiority, and a whole host of other emotions and feelings that are activated within these scenarios in my world are fueling the mind continuously  And so the mind is gaining a lot of energy for it’s own generation of itself within and as the physical body, and all the while I as the life force within the physical body am living in misery and instability.

I realize I am doing this to myself, I am the being within the mind and within my body accepting and allowingto be directed by energy and desires, and thus seeing what I am doing to myself as the abuse to my body mentally and physically, and the abuse to others as anger outburst, jealousy, and arrogance. I am here to take responsibility for this pattern once and for all of comparison and self judgment, and thus use the tool of comparison for what is best for all in practical physical considerations, stopping making it about me, and use it for what it’s purpose is, compare what is here and find what is best.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
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Day 110 – Jealousy Character – Self Commitment Statements

I had forgotten to finish up a blog I had done a few days back, Day 106 – Jealousy Character, this is the one I am referring to for reference. I will continue now with the self commitment statements.

I commit myself to stop this point of comparision with another, and thus live within and as the physical in what is actually happening, and thus express myself with no expectation, but only within the point that will support all equally.

I commit myself to stop the point of jealousy when I see another is ‘stronger’ within a point of expression and thus instead of going into ego as in "I am not that", and cause conflict within myself as jealousy, walk the correction in breathing through the energy, and learn from the being to see I where/how  I can improve my own self expression in a point of learning.

I commit myself to stop the point of sabotaging myself into a point of "I can’t it", when I realize that I am perfectly capable of expressing myself within myself, and thus I commit to practice this point of openly expressing without fears.

I commit myself to make it a focal point in my living to put myself in the shoes of another, and thus gauge a being based on who they are in a more wholesome assessment, and stop the comparison point to myself where in I make it a competition.

I commit myself to stop trusting feelings as I realize feelings aren’t real as they are coming from the mind which is not life but a system to control the life being within the physical, thus I stop trusting feelings and thus practice walking the physical here in my physical body with practical real time happenings and walk self honesty to assist myself and eventually others to do the same, so we can birth life here for real.

I commit myself to stop the jealousy character within and as me by committing myself to stop all points of comparison and thus polarities as better/worse realizing that I am one with all life, and thus all here is a reflection of myself, and walk my own point of self living as I walk the self perfection point to honor all life.

I commit myself to walk the memories of the past within where I become jealousy towards others, so thus I can walk through the necessary self forgiveness and walk the correction as I see it within the writing and to my living, as jealousy is not who I am and is not life.

I commit myself to stop all points of backchat through using the writing tools and self correction in living, as well as letting it go unconditionally when it comes up in all instances that I am mean or degrade another based on my own insecurities and trying to diminish another for me to feel more then, so thus I am here and able to direct myself completely and be able to be trusted with life.

I commit myself to stop the ego from directing me within a polarity game of better/worse, where in my mind I degrade the other and thus diminish them, so thus I commit myself to stop the mind within the backchat in degrading and diminishing another to make myself look/feel better, and walk the correction which is letting it go and accepting all life as I would like to be accepted unconditionally as equals to how I would like to be treated. 

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

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Heaven's Journey to LIfe
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Desteni Wiki



jealousy, i am jealous, how to stop jealousy, jealous girlfriend, stopping ego, backchat, mind, system, mind system, equal life, desteni, eqafe, 2012, journey to life

Day 106 – Jealousy Character

When looking at the relationships I have towards others, one I tend to go into is the jealousy character, where in a go into a point of spitefulness towards another due to this belief that I can’t have or am not as good as another. Using the Jealousy character to diminish the other beings in my mind, but within reality being nice and pleasant to their face. Obviously, this is a dishonorable way of living, and thus I apply myself within self-forgiveness to stop this character from directing me, and be able to walk as equals with all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the jealousy character within a point of reaction towards my feelings I had towards another where in I made a decision that I can not be as expressive as this being, and thus feeling less then, so thus I feel uncomfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of inferiority towards another being based on defining myself by another’s expression in a moment, and thus seeing myself lacking, where in I am not taking in the full context nor considering the whole being as the other and myself within the decision I made that I am inferior, and thus decide based on a single momentary assessment of another that I am inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions and thus trust feelings within myself as uncomfortableness and feeling less then instead of investigating the starting point to why I am reacting to a being expressing themselves in life in such a way as I realize feelings as reactions are not real as they come form the dimension of the mind which is illusion, and thus base myself and others on the feelings I have towards them and myself which are not real rather not practical nor conducive to create a decision about myself or another on these illusionary feelings such as feeling uncomfortable and less then, but rather investigate the origin and sort it out through writing out and living the corrections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to this being who I created a jealousy towards based on seeing that I am not a being who can freely express and thus using the jealousy CHARACTER to justify myself to go into my mind and create a point of diminishing her because I believe that I can not be this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t be expressive and free within who I am based on holding onto the past, and thus through understanding this origin point as my past, I realize and see that I must walk through the memories that created such a belief of can’t be expressive and openly free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in my head as jealousy and thus use this character to abuse the other whom I superiorized to me, and diminish with such words as ‘they are ugly’ ‘they have family issues’ ‘they can’t get a boyfriend’ points where I find what their ‘weaknesses’ are and use that as ammo for my myself as my mind to make me superior again within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in my mind to make myself superior to others I have judged myself less then by using nasty and degrading thoughts within my mind to make myself feel better because within myself I have created myself as a weak person and thus I can not be helped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use separation and abuse of others to make myself feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse of others in my mind and thus am to cowardly to say these points to their face as I would fear losing them as a friend, but is this real friendship, no as this is a lie, a lie that I only can see and know about, but a lie none the less that is creating separation within myself towards all life, and unnecessary conflict within myself towards other beings just being and walking their own processes, while I gain nice feelings because I became superior again within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach memories to others where in I see someone who is more expressive then me, then I immediately think back in school of how I was not able to express myself with others freely due to being shy and fearful of ridicule, and thus when I see a being who is openly expressive I attach this memory to them and thus allow the jealousy of me not being able to do that direct me to abuse and degrade in the mind towards the expression I would like to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an emotion as unworthiness as depression when I see a being that is more expressive then me and thus immediately go into a heavy feeling where in I slump and have a hard time just being here, and thus blame this depression point on the being whom I am seeing and thus judging as being more then me because they are able to express more openly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use emotions and memories to create a judgment of a being simply expressing in the physical as the physical in what way they are, and thus go into self judgment because I have not let go of this depression of being shy and not able to express myself in class and fear facing this and taking responsibility for myself as this jealousy character and stopping it and changing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame any being based on my own irresponsibility and desires, and thus go into my mind and degrade them for points that I don’t face as myself this fear of expressing and being open with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this memory of me at school not being able to express myself with others due to fear of ridicule or screwing up direct me and still have power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame any being for the way I am creating myself and thus not taking responsibility for my own actions and decisions and thoughts as memories within my own mind and thus become degrading and abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the jealousy of another direct me when I realize this is a point that I don’t want to walk through and face as I am accepting and allowing fear of others ridicule to direct me and thus abusing others because I am being in fear thus causing deliberate abuse which is unacceptable.

Self Correction to Follow


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Support of EQAFE Interviews in Relation to Jealousy:
Reptilians - Relationships as Illusion of Control - Part 24
Earthonites - Jealousy - (Music)


For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

jealousy, not good, competition, separation, creating enemies, losing power, depression, being nasty towards another, character, acting, bully, ridicule, desteni, equal life, eqafe, journeytolife, 2012

Day 10- The Cycle of Desire/Need and Jealousy - Part 2

Self Forgiveness on Defining Myself as Another through and as Ego-

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by another being in the relationship of seeing myself in comparision to who they are and thus creating a value judgment about the relationship between us within a positive/negative polarity playout.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within polarities as positive/negative playouts to any being within my world as a relationship definition to thus be able to have an expectation where I can gain energy due to the relationship definition I have created to the other being and thus going into the polarity playout of being able to gain energy if they live up to my expectation or not, either way I will be able to have an experience that which I am seeking to define myself by.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to seek out experience to thus define myself by and create more upgraded ideas and beliefs about myself to thus be able to create myself in a more refined way to be better then others and be able to gain good feelings thru my ego being exalted by others as I play the game of the system as win/lose scenario survival relationships.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to seek out these relationships where I am able to have my ego exalted and validated thus trapping another in my ego games as the cycle of positive and negative is lived until it has run it's course and the relationship die or the ego die as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create a form of a 'need' in relationship to another being in my world as I have created this relationship definition and thus to know who I am I now need this other as a comparison point in my world so I can create myself from this, this based on the desire to be on the top of the polarity to gain the 'good' or  'positive' feelings and ignoring the balancing act and thus not using common sense that I will thus live out the negative feelings as well which i don't enjoy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist only in the point of ego to gain energy from others in my world as I compete and compare myself through creating relationships of polarities and thus creating a race against myself to keep these feeling flowing as I sabotage myself with another to keep these relationships of energy continuing even though I realize it's sabotaging me and creating outflows of abuse and self diminishment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use my ego as my god to thus be able to go through my life and find the specific points as other beings who will be 'good' candidates to feed this desire I have to be seen by others as special and gain these feelings this create, but within this I am only using life for my own desires to be more then the other life here so I can exalt my ego and feel 'good' about myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that what life is about is competing and having fun and being 'happy' not realizing and being aware that I am creating these fleeting feelings of fun and happiness through my own ideas of what this entails, and thus is always in the starting point of me being the best which is not real as life is not in separation as polarities but here within oneness. I realize and see that being the best within and as my world will cause me to be last as I don't consider the other equal and one to me thus I will lose myself within this cycle as energy runs out and illusion will die when I as the physical die. I realize I can only live as life if I am of life which is physically here within equality and oneness no mind, no ego, no competition.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use others in my world to get energy and thus abuse them to gain feelings for myself based on me not accept myself as the other and thus living within inferiority so thus I balanced out the cycle by existing within superiority, trying to be special, more, better then the other in relation to me because from the starting point I did not accept mysel fas one with life as who I really am anyway.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compare myself with the others in my world and judge others based on the physical look, based on their intelligence, based on their abilities within physical movements or in any skill we engage in, and thus base my conclusion of the being in relation to me, I will not see the equality, but only see and live out how I can be better or exalt myself when I have seen that I am more within my idea of what is better within the points I just listed or take notes of where I can upgrade to be better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold ideas of what is 'good' and 'bad' in relation to the beings I meet and thus size them up and compare myself and always look for a competition so I can see where i need to upgrade and refine my ego so I can be the winner and stay on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within survival and believing that I have to stay on top and be the winner to be liked and seen as acceptable as I hold this on to others and defined them and accepted them based on these terms of living up to my idea of what is acceptable and what is not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto a definition of life here in separation as a polarity play out of good/bad to be able to define myself here and survive due to the limits I placed on myself by creating ideas and definitions of life on what is acceptable and what is not instead of realizing and understanding that there is no need to put limitations on our expressions as life and there is no need to be acceptable if one accept themselves equal and one to all life as all here is this in fact so it is recognizing and living the truth of who we are here as one and equal with eachother, that is everything that exists.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss the truth of who I am as life by being within the mind as illusions and definitions of ego personality play outs as pictures, ideas, beliefs, and thoughts that I had limited myself to by defining myself by this, so thus I realize to stop this polarity playout I must accept all here as myself and stop separating myself into ideas, beliefs, pictures, and thoughts that come from the mind which I realize is illusion and not real, and live here in breath and just stop participating in these limitations.

When and as this point of defining life and separating myself into good/bad polarity playouts within comparison and competition in my world arises, I stop breath, and push myself to stay within breath, letting go of all forms of mind energy and the energy addiction to gain from the life I am living with, but continue to breath, live in and as the physical, and walk one and equal with the other as me until this is a stable point of understanding in living as I see and realize that competing and comparing myself to other life forms to try and be better is not real as I see and understand as who I am is all that is here, there is no need to compete as I am only competing with myself, and thus be able to build self from this expression in equality to all that exist to thus create a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop judging and comparing myself to other beings in my world and forming relationships with them within the starting point of feeding my ego as energy polarity play outs.

I commit to stop separating myself into polarities and walk one and equal by accepting myself for who I am and seeing myself within and as each one I come in contact with and thus I commit to walk this until I am here equal and one as the physical.

I commit to stop comparing myself to others and stop the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that there is a goal I have to reach, but remain here in the physical in the within practical solution of walking as equals so we can stop the separation of ourselves as I stop this within myself.

I commit to accept me here with all life and stop all separation until it no longer moves me.

I commit to stop the addiction to energy and live here in physical reality as what is real is here in physical reality and who I am is here as physical as my body is made of the source of life as physical living substance, and I walk to equalize myself and align with the physical substance of life that I realize and am aware I am.


Self Forgiveness on Jealousy

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within the energy as emotion of jealousy accepting and allowing this to be real for me as I have separated myself from life and thus created this emotion as jealousy to compensate for the lack and inferiority I feel of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting jealousy to direct me in moments where I have accepted and created the idea that I need to diminish and take down life around me as I am only seeing through my minds eyes as ego personality competing and thus defining myself by comparisons.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting me to compare and thus go into competition with the life that is here as I realize that I am only competing with my own mind and thus it will only stop when i stop my mind as separations and bring myself here as breath in the physical reality of where life is in fact.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go into jealousy when I believe I have been treated unfairly and thus am not getting treated within a way I expect from another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take what others do/say/act towards me personally and thus define myself within expectations of who and how beings should act and be towards me so I can have control over what is going to happen.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire control over what is going to happen with the people I am with and thus when it doesn't work out the way I desired I go into jealousy and blame towards others based on me holding onto an idea that I should always get what I want and then blaming someone and becoming resentful towards them based on idea of only having my own self interest in mind when their is a whole world of considerations and to be in ego is just an illusion I am accepting and allowing to limit me into diminishment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life within creating jealousy when I see another is not doing what I expect of them and thus within my backchat go into demonizing them and degrading them so I can be on top and have myself be the winner, even if it is only in my own mind. Here I realize I am only creating myself as the de-man as I devalued myself as life by separating myself from myself and then blaming another for my own creation and consequence of who I had created myself to be, abdicating responsibility and thus I abdicated my chance at being life in equality as I wouldn't give it to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create backchat as ego and jealousy to diminish others in separation because I am not accept myself here and thus not allowing life to live one and equal with what is here as physical. I realize and see to stop this cycle of desire / expectation and jealousy I must breath here and walk within the physical, become physical, and stop my thoughts that manifest the emotions/feelings/ideas/beliefs that separate me from the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept myself here and thus go into ego as wanting control and my desires met and when reality does not match up to this I go into resentfulness and become jealousy towards others, which cause abuse in my thoughts as I desire to take them down and diminish them any way I can.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be possessed by a certain person and thus go into jealousy when any other point come in and take the energy away from me that I was gaining from that relationship and thus go into sabotage mode to sabotage any chance they have with the other as my desire for this person overrides common sense and equality with all as I am existing in survival to continue the energy I am addicted to of my ego being exalted through becoming the best in my world as I see it through my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to sabotage myself based on not accept life here as is and needing validation and praise form others so I can feel good about myself and see that i am ok.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire validation from others as I see myself less then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see life more then me and thus go into the energy playout of desiring to be more and thus allowing jealousy to playout as I am competing with everyone around me and having the energy of good feelings as praise become an addiction and when I don't get it I go into jealousy as envy as I see others get it and I want it so I abuse to thus get them on my level and then be able to compete again and have a chance at the good feelings again, only living from my mind as energy consumption as an ego personality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to become addicted to energy as good feelings and thus also become addicted to the polarity of that as bad feelings as they both give me a rush and I have accepted this as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to limit myself within who I am here within energy rushes and so I see I must stop participating in the energies by getting real, stop existing in polarities in separation, and become humble as the physical as who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life in separation to try and survive as I have not allowed myself to really live as i am not really living but existing within the mind as energy playouts. I realize I am not energy, life is not energy, and thus I must stop the participation in the energy as the mind as I stop the participation in the mind as I see and realize i ma life and life is eternally here, it's always been here, I have missed it as I have not been here but in my mind in illusional alternate realities I created as ego personalities. I don't accept myself to abuse life in self interest, so I walk in humbleness and slowly disengage my ego and stop the separation of myself as life here in the physical by accepting each and all parts as me step by step, breath by breath.

When and as these points of jealousy and desires for control of another come up, I stop and breath, and let go of the energy addiction, allow it to go through me through breathing continually and stopping the thoughts as they come, walking within acceptance of myself as all here. I stop taking things personally as I realize that we are all walking our processes and I can direct myself to walk in the physical which is equal and one, when I become offended by another I stop and do not allow the emotions of jealousy to be activated and lived out. I walk within and as acceptance of all here as myself and live as an example to show who we really are as life and that we are not limited to the mind as energies as I walk this process out of my mind and birth myself as the physical.

I commit to stop jealousy in all its forms, walk and continue to stop the jealousy within backchat and stop the acting out of it into the act of abusing another.

I stop separating myself into ideas and desires as expectations of others and walk as the physical equal and one to all as all here is me as life, this is how I would want to be treated thus I give this to another as I may receive it as myself.

I commit to stopping the abuse of life as myself as ego in competition and so I commit to accept myself as all life and walk in oneness with all as I realize life is a gift and I have to accept it as myself to live it for real.

I stop seeing myself inferior to life and thus I stop and commit to stop the polarity play out of competition through seeing life in this inferior/superior playout in comparison with me. I commit to stop comparing myself with others breathing here, and walking the correction of equality with all life as myself.

Day 9- The Cycle of Desire/Need and Jealousy - Part 1

Within growing up I have always played into this play out of desiring a person in my world to hang with, be around, and thus give me feedback in terms of who I am and what I am doing. Within this the starting point was always ego as it wasn't about me growing and expanding within my equality and oneness with the other in living expression, but it was to see how they make me feel, if they can see how 'special' I am, and so I can compare myself to these people and give myself a gauge to where I am in terms of creating myself as the best. So I look for points such as, do I match up to this person? Am I better skilled? am I better looking? am I smarter? Within this relationship play out over my whole life basically it has been about me in comparison and competition, to fulfill my self interest desires to be seen as special and the best to thus be able to exalt my ego as my mind in stimulation for these 'good' feelings.  This causing not an enjoyable stable life, but a life of turmoil and uncertainty as these relationships are always fleeting and no real trust is ever built as their is no trust ever built with self and nurtured into maturity due to the constant living into the mind dimensions of want, need, and getting 'good' feelings.

This then within being with other beings I created a need within me that I had to always have to have this being see me as the best, to be seen as special, to be seen as better, as I have now become addicted to the elixir of 'good' feelings that this generate when I am being exalted by another as my ego just eats this right up. So I built up this need for relationships with every point and person in my world, every being I meet it was in the starting point of gaining some 'good' feelings for myself as these feelings had become my reason for being, to be the best and to find those that will play into this game, so I can live in this great feeling forever. Just like a parasitic organism, which is not pretty as it sucks the life out of other living beings, but when I look in self honesty at the relationships we live in this world, it's nothing to do with 'love', 'union', joy with another, but about ego and who we can gain our energy fixes as we live on this energy to define and know who we are at all costs even if it's the harm and enslavement of other beings.

Within this play out of energy as good feelings we get with another in a relationship, we all know, what goes up must come down, all those who have played into the point of energy as good/bad feelings, and living out the chase to get the good feelings more and more, this we know will never last, the good feelings always run out, leaving us feeling empty and unfulfilled. The interesting thing about relationships is it can be played both ways, where each get there dose of good feelings, but always it will be brought with the oppositie polarity of bad feelings as you look within competition and comparison for your time to shine, missing self here within the other and thus fights' and jealousy games get fed. This is the game where we exist in fighting, then making 'love', then fighting, then love, and it goes back and forth, back and forth, but never being stable within ourselves with the other, because I as the being is on a roller coaster ride in my mind as I ride the energy of desires for more good feelings while coping with the 'bad' feelings that will follow as this cycle plays out.

Also, another point that plays out that I have found within relationships is the need to have someone always with me, here I realize this is so the energy can be continuously fed through having someone in my world who will play the game with me and give me the necessary energy I require as 'good' feelings to hold my belief that I am the best, special, and beautiful, all desires I have from a ego perspective to be better then others. Also, I see a point of fearing being alone as when I am alone I am forced to face myself and see that I have only been existing in my mind through desires and feelings, being miserable as this never lasts, and being all over the place as it literally is like a ride I am on that is too addictively pleasurable to get off, but I realize sooner or later it's going to die out and I am going to fall off the tracks, but not caring because for now, I am good. This the reasoning of the mind as it always stays alive as we continue to feed it as it contiues to feed off our life force using/abusing our human physical bodies as we lived day in and day out. (Suggest you go to Desteni or Eqafe and gain some understanding through videos/articles for more on this perspective of mind/physical relationship and who we are within it as life source/substance.)

When this relationship's energy starts to die out, I will have a new emotion and physical experience come up where I am jealous of any and all beings that get to that postion as equal to me with that specific being that I was gaining good feelings from, and I have been 'replaced' in my mind where I perceive as an idea  that I am no longer 'good' and 'special' within this relationship play out otherwise why would I be 'replaced', so the jealousy grows and gets fed through my anger and rage of losing that source of good feelings to another one who was in my mind is 'better', thus I allow anger and fuel my jealousy because I am not seen as good anymore feeding the ego as energy polarities going from good/bad as it plays out as we chase feelings as experiences in our world, a primary point this is played in is the relationship scenario as sex is an ultimate point of this good feeling generation.

So in this jealousy, I start the attack on the being that I perceive to have 'replaced' me or I perceive is gaining more energy from the being that I desire to have for myself. So also a point of possession comes in where I am possessed/obsessed with this being and exalt them as the 'best' because to be with me as in a relationship, to be my friend, you have to be the best because I only seek out the best within my idea of perfection I am seeking for and trying to live out within my world, so I seek for those that fit that picture to again feed my ego and make me feel special, good, because I am with my perceived perfection as a comparison to a picture in my head that I can then live up to and use as a gauge for myself as my mind. I go into this possessive point to try and hold onto the being, so within my backchat and within my physical actions I will diminish the other being who is now in the process of taking my 'place' where I perceive I will lose my energy source. Within these perceptions it then fuels my jealousy of this 'other' person who is gaining energy from my 'special' relationship and here I will go into manipulation to make them seem less then/inferior to me, I will diminish them at any chance I get as I see them as the enemy, we are at war and I am going to win. Jealousy fuels wars as it is in it's very nature has a potency to divide and conquer, this is what one want to do when you allow jealousy to direct you, it makes you nasty and it is an abuse to life as we seek to destroy that we see is in our way to source of ourselves as 'good' energy so thus we will abuse as we be'lie've this is the only way of life.

So points I realize within observing myself within this behavior and pattern personality play out is that it is a 'nasty' cycle as the relationship will never be real physical communication and intimacy with another because I am not here with the being, I am in my mind scheming, looking, pushing, forcing myself onto the other to gain energy as 'good' feelings as the being feeds them to me to get what they desire or want out of the relationship and I do the same to get my needs/desires met, so it's an addiction to energy game we play within relationships with the beings in this world fueled and continued to re-generate and exist through the jealousy polarity pole, to seek for a new source of relationship energy feeding or destroy the being who stand in my way.

These types of scenarios as relationships are not real and will never be real as I am not living within equality and oneness as life here within physical reality, I am in my mind in separation trying to live up to ideas, beliefs, and pictures to thus validate myself as I don't accept who I am as I am continuously in comparison with others and competing to be the best, which is impossible to be sustained as it's only energy that by definition will never last, it can't, as it is generated, where it's generated in our physical as the mind. In this play out as relationship I have written here, we see it is only for the mind as ego to gain energy as good feelings. It's an addiction to good feelings, believing that this limited feeling of good/bad play outs within competition and comparison is the only thing that exist for me here as I only exist within the mind reality, which is very limited compared to who we are for real, as one and equal with all of existence.

All the while missing myself as life, as life is here like in breathing, I am not here as I have no awareness of even the very breathes I am breathing when I am running around in all these scenarios in my mind beliefs, ideas, comparisons, competition that goes with relationships. I have realized the mind (link is perspective on the mind consciousness system which is inter-dimensionally placed system by the beings who created us) it is very limited, as it was never real, it was all an illusion, now when one realize this, what does that say about humanity/me? It says that we have been lost for a long while, but here is a process we are walking to realize ourselves as the mind and again walk ourselves into life, one and equal with the physical, it's cool to write this out and see the play out that is created within my participation as the mind, and thus from here I can write out the correction to thus be able to correct myself when I face these points again. This to create a world best for all life.

To be continued - Part 2 will include Self forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements..thanks for reading!



jealousy, relationships, competition, fighting, making love, boyfriend trouble, girlfriend, desire, need, obsession with another, possessed, demons, inner demon, mind reality, equality, self solution, cycles, desteni, wiki, eqafe, equal money, 2012