Stubbornness: How am I creating this within myself? – Day 440

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I listened to the first interview in the Atlantean’s series on the construct of stubbornness that I have placed on the bottom of this blog, it was on the understanding of how stubbornness is created within us, and how it effects our lives within ourselves and with other people. Some insightful take aways that I realized is that to go into stubbornness is a form of serving the mind because I am allowing the experience of ‘I can do things alone’ for instance hinder my opportunity to gain assistance and support from other people in my world. I often go into this experience where I don’t want to be helped or supported by another and use stubbornness to not have to engage with others so I can protect my mind, my fears, and my self belief that I have things under control.

Realizing that within this fear and belief of myself I am compromising my self development as well as potentially harming my physical body by not considering if I really do need help or not, but just become driven by fear and the desire to have things my way. The fear being that I will come to a point with another where I will be challenged, and through that challenge I could potentially fall or fail and so be vulnerable by others to judge me or attack me. I fear this based on the fact that within myself I have judged and attacked others for falling or failing in some way or another. So because I do that within my backchat towards others, I will hold back and shy away from allowing other people into my world to support me and thus expand myself into situations where I will be challenged and tested on who I am, thus stunting and compromising myself.

Stubbornness is the experience within myself I use to continue to exist within this pattern, I have seen it many times come up in my current relationship with my partner, where I do not want to face the fact that I am in fear and so rather then taking responsibility, will attack and go into a form of stubbornness in not having to face myself in the request of my partner to do something I am uncomfortable with.

So this is a cool point to understand for myself and show that when I start to see this point of wanting to be alone, resisting getting support from others, and not walking the tools that are here on a consistent basis to move myself through points that are consequential, I then can move and implement the changes I construct to stop this pattern from taking over and serve myself as life and walk the process to align with life here in the physical as I move myself here in the self correction process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that who I am within and as stubbornness is creating a form of servancy to the mind as the enslavement of life by compromising my potential to expand and grow with other’s support through resisting it and wanting to do things on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that who I am being within myself in these moments where I go into the stubbornness of not wanting to hear or receive support from other’s is someone who is pushing against the grain, pushing and resisting other people and their words, and creating consequence that is harmful and destructive to the opportunity that is here to build relationships with others as a point of living and implementing oneness and equality in who I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this experience of stubbornness go into hiding the fact from myself that I am in fear of facing challenges that I will surely face with others where I don’t know what will come and so what I will need to do or have in place to get through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into sturbbornness and essentially dilude my abilities here to change who I am to become more skilled, learn more, engage more, and so expand more with others because of this fear of failing or being judged by others for messing up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the fear of being judged or failing at something as I realize, see, and understand within falling or failing in something you are given a gift of seeing who you are and how you can change through the miss-take to perfect that point in the trys ahead and so slowly become more specified in my application and push myself beyond my limits and expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in judgment and making fun and rejecting others who have fallen or messed up or failed in something to then make myself feel more important, though realizing this just creates the entrapment within the cycle of fear of movement as I myself will then fear what I have created with others, continuing the cycle of harm and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others when they have taken a miss-take and used there hardship for my gain in self interest to feel good or positive about myself cause I wasn’t the one who failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another being for my personal gain instead of standing equal to another and realizing they are me in another pair of shoes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the form of stubbornness to not have to face myself in real time with challenges and can escape into myself and the comfort of my own habits by myself only answering to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for myself and so for others when I have to face challenges in my life and so use stubbornness to not have to move myself beyond my fears and limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me here in reality and so I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand I have created the now manifesting consequences in the physical, and so I have to walk through and face these consequences once and for all and so stop postponing my process of change and so the process of changing life into a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the experience of stubbornness to postpone the inevitable of facing myself here in reality and changing to be a being of correction of self integrity and creating solutions that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue waiting and postponing for myself and so use stubbornness to hide within and escape for a time period that will end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time and not move beyond my limitations as stubbornness and expand myself in the potential that I see is possible.

When and as I see I am going into a form of postponement or stubbornness within the act of avoiding facing myself, I stop and breath, and realize this will only prolong the inevitable of having to change myself here or in the hereafter, I will face myself, I realize I have all the tools and the will and the ability to walk it here on earth where it counts.

I commit myself to breath when I see the experience of stubbornness comes up to not move myself and physically move myself to go into the physical opportunity that is here to face myself and change.

I commit myself to face my fears and move myself in physical reality beyond my limitations and boundaries through breath.

I commit myself to use the tools as much as I am able to to ensure I walk all the points necessary and continue to move forward in my process of self creation.

I commit myself to stop allowing abdication of my responsibility through hiding in stubbornness by taking on more projects with others and becoming more social.

I commit myself to push my communication with others and push through the experience to do things on my own and go into my comfort zone.

I commit myself to stop escaping reality into my mind as comfort zones and always push myself into the uncomfortableness of reality as myself as I realize this is where change is for the best.

Interview Support on the topic of Stubbornness:
Stubbornness: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 154
Stubbornness: Overcoming - Atlanteans - Part 155
Stubbornness: Practical Application - Atlanteans - Part 156
Stubbornness: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 157
Stubbornness: Redesigning - Atlanteans - Part 158
Physical Sound - Atlanteans - Part 159
The Consequences of Speaking - Atlanteans - Part 160
Stubbornness: Independence, Dependence, Interdependence - Atlanteans - Part 161


Check Out these Awesome and Life Supporting sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Day 9- The Cycle of Desire/Need and Jealousy - Part 1

Within growing up I have always played into this play out of desiring a person in my world to hang with, be around, and thus give me feedback in terms of who I am and what I am doing. Within this the starting point was always ego as it wasn't about me growing and expanding within my equality and oneness with the other in living expression, but it was to see how they make me feel, if they can see how 'special' I am, and so I can compare myself to these people and give myself a gauge to where I am in terms of creating myself as the best. So I look for points such as, do I match up to this person? Am I better skilled? am I better looking? am I smarter? Within this relationship play out over my whole life basically it has been about me in comparison and competition, to fulfill my self interest desires to be seen as special and the best to thus be able to exalt my ego as my mind in stimulation for these 'good' feelings.  This causing not an enjoyable stable life, but a life of turmoil and uncertainty as these relationships are always fleeting and no real trust is ever built as their is no trust ever built with self and nurtured into maturity due to the constant living into the mind dimensions of want, need, and getting 'good' feelings.

This then within being with other beings I created a need within me that I had to always have to have this being see me as the best, to be seen as special, to be seen as better, as I have now become addicted to the elixir of 'good' feelings that this generate when I am being exalted by another as my ego just eats this right up. So I built up this need for relationships with every point and person in my world, every being I meet it was in the starting point of gaining some 'good' feelings for myself as these feelings had become my reason for being, to be the best and to find those that will play into this game, so I can live in this great feeling forever. Just like a parasitic organism, which is not pretty as it sucks the life out of other living beings, but when I look in self honesty at the relationships we live in this world, it's nothing to do with 'love', 'union', joy with another, but about ego and who we can gain our energy fixes as we live on this energy to define and know who we are at all costs even if it's the harm and enslavement of other beings.

Within this play out of energy as good feelings we get with another in a relationship, we all know, what goes up must come down, all those who have played into the point of energy as good/bad feelings, and living out the chase to get the good feelings more and more, this we know will never last, the good feelings always run out, leaving us feeling empty and unfulfilled. The interesting thing about relationships is it can be played both ways, where each get there dose of good feelings, but always it will be brought with the oppositie polarity of bad feelings as you look within competition and comparison for your time to shine, missing self here within the other and thus fights' and jealousy games get fed. This is the game where we exist in fighting, then making 'love', then fighting, then love, and it goes back and forth, back and forth, but never being stable within ourselves with the other, because I as the being is on a roller coaster ride in my mind as I ride the energy of desires for more good feelings while coping with the 'bad' feelings that will follow as this cycle plays out.

Also, another point that plays out that I have found within relationships is the need to have someone always with me, here I realize this is so the energy can be continuously fed through having someone in my world who will play the game with me and give me the necessary energy I require as 'good' feelings to hold my belief that I am the best, special, and beautiful, all desires I have from a ego perspective to be better then others. Also, I see a point of fearing being alone as when I am alone I am forced to face myself and see that I have only been existing in my mind through desires and feelings, being miserable as this never lasts, and being all over the place as it literally is like a ride I am on that is too addictively pleasurable to get off, but I realize sooner or later it's going to die out and I am going to fall off the tracks, but not caring because for now, I am good. This the reasoning of the mind as it always stays alive as we continue to feed it as it contiues to feed off our life force using/abusing our human physical bodies as we lived day in and day out. (Suggest you go to Desteni or Eqafe and gain some understanding through videos/articles for more on this perspective of mind/physical relationship and who we are within it as life source/substance.)

When this relationship's energy starts to die out, I will have a new emotion and physical experience come up where I am jealous of any and all beings that get to that postion as equal to me with that specific being that I was gaining good feelings from, and I have been 'replaced' in my mind where I perceive as an idea  that I am no longer 'good' and 'special' within this relationship play out otherwise why would I be 'replaced', so the jealousy grows and gets fed through my anger and rage of losing that source of good feelings to another one who was in my mind is 'better', thus I allow anger and fuel my jealousy because I am not seen as good anymore feeding the ego as energy polarities going from good/bad as it plays out as we chase feelings as experiences in our world, a primary point this is played in is the relationship scenario as sex is an ultimate point of this good feeling generation.

So in this jealousy, I start the attack on the being that I perceive to have 'replaced' me or I perceive is gaining more energy from the being that I desire to have for myself. So also a point of possession comes in where I am possessed/obsessed with this being and exalt them as the 'best' because to be with me as in a relationship, to be my friend, you have to be the best because I only seek out the best within my idea of perfection I am seeking for and trying to live out within my world, so I seek for those that fit that picture to again feed my ego and make me feel special, good, because I am with my perceived perfection as a comparison to a picture in my head that I can then live up to and use as a gauge for myself as my mind. I go into this possessive point to try and hold onto the being, so within my backchat and within my physical actions I will diminish the other being who is now in the process of taking my 'place' where I perceive I will lose my energy source. Within these perceptions it then fuels my jealousy of this 'other' person who is gaining energy from my 'special' relationship and here I will go into manipulation to make them seem less then/inferior to me, I will diminish them at any chance I get as I see them as the enemy, we are at war and I am going to win. Jealousy fuels wars as it is in it's very nature has a potency to divide and conquer, this is what one want to do when you allow jealousy to direct you, it makes you nasty and it is an abuse to life as we seek to destroy that we see is in our way to source of ourselves as 'good' energy so thus we will abuse as we be'lie've this is the only way of life.

So points I realize within observing myself within this behavior and pattern personality play out is that it is a 'nasty' cycle as the relationship will never be real physical communication and intimacy with another because I am not here with the being, I am in my mind scheming, looking, pushing, forcing myself onto the other to gain energy as 'good' feelings as the being feeds them to me to get what they desire or want out of the relationship and I do the same to get my needs/desires met, so it's an addiction to energy game we play within relationships with the beings in this world fueled and continued to re-generate and exist through the jealousy polarity pole, to seek for a new source of relationship energy feeding or destroy the being who stand in my way.

These types of scenarios as relationships are not real and will never be real as I am not living within equality and oneness as life here within physical reality, I am in my mind in separation trying to live up to ideas, beliefs, and pictures to thus validate myself as I don't accept who I am as I am continuously in comparison with others and competing to be the best, which is impossible to be sustained as it's only energy that by definition will never last, it can't, as it is generated, where it's generated in our physical as the mind. In this play out as relationship I have written here, we see it is only for the mind as ego to gain energy as good feelings. It's an addiction to good feelings, believing that this limited feeling of good/bad play outs within competition and comparison is the only thing that exist for me here as I only exist within the mind reality, which is very limited compared to who we are for real, as one and equal with all of existence.

All the while missing myself as life, as life is here like in breathing, I am not here as I have no awareness of even the very breathes I am breathing when I am running around in all these scenarios in my mind beliefs, ideas, comparisons, competition that goes with relationships. I have realized the mind (link is perspective on the mind consciousness system which is inter-dimensionally placed system by the beings who created us) it is very limited, as it was never real, it was all an illusion, now when one realize this, what does that say about humanity/me? It says that we have been lost for a long while, but here is a process we are walking to realize ourselves as the mind and again walk ourselves into life, one and equal with the physical, it's cool to write this out and see the play out that is created within my participation as the mind, and thus from here I can write out the correction to thus be able to correct myself when I face these points again. This to create a world best for all life.

To be continued - Part 2 will include Self forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements..thanks for reading!



jealousy, relationships, competition, fighting, making love, boyfriend trouble, girlfriend, desire, need, obsession with another, possessed, demons, inner demon, mind reality, equality, self solution, cycles, desteni, wiki, eqafe, equal money, 2012