My Journey to Life: react

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Saturday, January 5, 2013

Day 199 – “Taking things Personal” Personality – Memory Dimension – Self Correction

For Further Perspective, you can check out relevant blogs:
Day 190 – Opening up an Event of Attack within The “Taking Things Personally” Personality
Day 191 – 'Taking things Personal' Personality – Thought Dimension - “She is Wrong”
Day 192 – ‘Taking Things Personal’ Personality– Fear Dimension – No Conflict!
Day 193 – “Taking Things Personal’ Personality – Fear Dimension Self Forgiveness in facing conflict
Day 194 - "Taking Things Personally" - Backchat Dimensions - It's Her Fault!
Day 195 –"Taking Things Personally" - Backchat Dimensions - Self Responsbility
Day 196- “Taking it Personal” Personality – Reaction Dimension – “Rudeness Demon”
Day 197 - Reaction Dimension – In the ‘Taking things personally” Personality

These quoted pieces are from this blog for reference if needed:
Day 198- ‘Taking things Personal’ Personality - Memory dimension

"I found within this emotion of embarrassment, I went into a point of resistance towards the girl at work because I immediately blamed her for this feeling I was having based on the memories that was going on within me that I was unconsciously accessing within the moment of blame."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of resistance towards the worker based on blaming her for the feeling of embarrassment that was coming up within me when she confronted me about being late. I realize and understand that when I allow blame, I am not taking responsibility for the point that I am being faced with, thus I see and understand that memories are coming up that have activated this point of justification for the blame, and so within myself I believe I am justified because I am not seeing my own responsibility within this but only pointing fingers at her.

I commit myself to stop and breath when and as I go into a point of emotion as embarrassment and breath through all the reactions of energy that will persist with this, I push myself to continue to walk the process of stopping my memories and thus my thoughts from directing me into a point of separation with the person/situation I am reacting to and walk the solution that will be best for life.

I commit myself to stop all blame in the moment to thus access my self power to change through equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus fear being exposed as ‘weak’ in front of others, and thus when my ‘character’ was questioned within this point by this worker of being seen as ‘not on top of myself/at my best’, I accessed embarrassment based on this memory I was holding onto of being in the wrong and being caught 'red handed' so to speak with no defense, which made me feel embarrassed.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of allowing a memory to direct me into feeling something about myself within an emotion or feeling, I stop and breath, and let go of the energy attached to this memory as embarrassment and walk the correction through finding a solution not being directed by this feeling and so stopping the mind as energy and living from the physical as my living.

Also, I commit to walk the equality of all within the conflict situation even if it is not being lived within the physical, push myself to find compromise and the best solution that will work for all no matter the resistances I face within me and within my world.

I commit myself to stop my actions as outflows that lead to abuse knowingly as I have now walked a process to see that such as, these memories that have energy attached to them as embarrassment is not supporting me.

I commit to use my breath to walk through the energy waves and stop the reactions, and thus walk the correction in writing and in my living by pushing myself always in my application never giving up.

"I really disliked being embarrassed based on the way it made me feel back in those days of being alone and being seen by others as less then who I wanted to be seen as, so based on defining myself by how others saw me, I was now defining myself based on others reactions towards me."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an opionion about being an emotion such as embarrassment, where I placed a value judgment on embarrassment as if this is something that I don’t or can’t be as this will make me be seen as weak by others.

And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on something in this world based on fear of how others are going to see me. I realize and see that placing value on this judgment I have made of others opinions of me is only limiting myself and so I will always be subject to these judgments as this is how I am defining myself by, always in separation to what is here as good/bad. I realize and see that within this point of separation, I will disempower myself and not have the resolve to walk the change as I am not absolute, but separated with myself and my world which is the mirror of me within, and so separating myself from my own self freedom in oneness and equality in a world that is lived best for all.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of separation with others, I stop and breath, and come to solutions immediately within the realization that I am here and this here is all me, I push what is best for all in my living, so this will have to change within my outer world to align with my inner world. The outer is always a reflection of the inner in all dimensions and thus to see this change as what I realize can be within what is best for all, I simply must do it.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Rozelle de Lange

Check Him out here:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rozelle.delange
Blog: http://rozelledelangeblog.blogspot.com/
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/Rozelledelange

Friday, January 4, 2013

Day 198- ‘Taking things Personal’ Personality - Memory dimension

Looking at this event that I have been walking in previous blogs of being confronted, where I ended up causing unnecessary consequence of making her the problem, and so not facing the fact that I was the cause of the whole point in the first place. So within this through writing out the point in my last blog, I found amemory I was accessing when this emotion would come up of embarrassment that helped fuel my behavior into consequences which was not benefiting anyone.

I found within this emotion of embarrassment, I went into a point of resistance towards the girl at work because I immediately blamed her for this feeling I was having based on the memories that was going on within me that I was unconsciously accessing within the moment of blame.

These memories were based in childhood, and it was being confronted either by a yell or by a ‘negative’ approach towards me from others that would create this emotion of embarrassment within myself, which caused me to feel inadequate and weak.

I really disliked being embarrassed based on the way it made me feel back in those days of being alone and being seen by others as less then who I wanted to be seen as, so based on defining myself by how others saw me, I was now defining myself based on others reactions towards me. The embarrassment feeling within these memories of being called out are loaded with pain and sadness, and these are feelings I suppressed within me based on seeing them as making me weak. I did not want to be seen as weak, and so I suppressed that which I perceived made me weak, which was this feeling of embarrassment. This though never actually changedanything or dealt with the source of why I was seeing myself in this way and being effected so by embarrassment, it was just getting pushed down and thus never dealt with. So it would come back again as it did in this event as it’s still here, I am just pretty much ignoring the effect it has on me and the consequence it has in my life til now.

So when I was confronted within this point of being late and thus reacted in embarrassment because of being in the ‘wrong’ so to speak, I become abusive towards this girl for triggering this feeling and thus triggering the memory of being called out in front of classmates or yelled at by an adult in front of others.

This memory then lead to the energy of embarrassment and anger, and thus I continued to justify my actions within myself of abusive behavior towards her of being rude and quick based on accepting these energymovements as who I am. So accepting and allowing these memories as well as the feelings and emotions to influence and thus direct my behavior causing me to feel and be, in a way, out of control, as the energy is so overbearing and possessive that when I was in it, I found it was very hard to stop it. I remember observing the energy and found it very intoxicating and addicting, like I didn’t want to get out of it, I was now within mymind ‘right’ and justified and so I lived this into the physical and caused more conflict rather then solving the issue right then and there because I was in the right, I was going to win, and it only mattered of my own self interest, which is not ok as this hurt the other and caused conflict that was not necessary at all.

I will walk the self forgiveness and self commitments in my next blog, thanks for reading.

Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Matti Freeman

Check Him out here:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MattiFreeman
Blog: http://www.matterfreeman.com/
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/mattifreeman1
Music: http://www.soundcloud.com/mfm-radio

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Day 197 - Reaction Dimension – In the ‘Taking things personally” Personality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to when being confronted within the point of being late, go into fear and thus inferiority, and within this go into competition, which activated the desire to become superior. I then went into the reaction of anger based on seeing her within a point of competition and thus seeing that I had to defeat her. I realize and understand that when I accept this point of competition and thus go into a point of desiring to win or be superior, I will activate the emotion of anger based on the belief that I have to go into battle.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of reaction of anger, I need to stop and breath, and thus do not accept myself to follow any more thoughts within polarities playouts, but remain stable and breath. Understanding that I have accessed a point of competition, and thus breathing through this desire to go in and create more conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in embarrassment based on this point of being confronted and being seen as doing something bad, and thus react in anger based on blaming the other for this embarrassment that was created when confronted. I realize and see that blame is not taking responsibility for my actions as becoming embarrassed, and thus no solution will be met, but only more conflict and instability within myself.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of embarrassment based on reacting to an external stimuli, I stop and breath, and say nothing until I am stable. Allow the point to settle down within, and do not accept myself to follow any points of reactions as these are what cause the conflict and instability within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being embarrassed to being weak based on holding onto memories of being called out in school, and thus seeing myself as weak because I was called out on this by others. Accepting the embarrassment as a point of self enslavement seeing myself as weak and less then when I experienced this emotion come up as it was usually due to being picked on as a kid.

And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto that memory of being out casted and picked on within that feeling of being embarrassed and thus immediately access anger towards whoever it is that activated that feeling. I realize and see though that it is just a memory stored within my physical of a point that happened in the past that does not define who I am, and so I am not defined nor have to direct myself based on this feeling of embarrassment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed blame towards another through the reaction of become angry towards them and thus cause abuse towards them based on me not wanting to face myself and accept the responsibility to stop participating in these emotions and beliefs as embarrassment makes me weak, and thus stop my self diminishment and self sabotage through accepting it and thus stopping particpation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as weak and thus link this to being embarrassed and so define myself as this now as if this is who I am, which I realize is not me and does not define who I am.

I commit myself to when and as I am faced with this feeling of embarrassment, let go of all the thoughts through breathing and thus become stable within myself before I do anything. I commit to stop all blame and thus all anger when this feeling come up by preventing it from going there through the breath and my self will to have it stop controlling me by stopping my participation in the thoughts and reactions of emotion through accept it as a point I have to face and thus have the ability then to stop it.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Day 196- “Taking it Personal” Personality – Reaction Dimension – “Rudeness Demon”

Day 195 –"Taking Things Personally" - Backchat Dimensions - Self Responsbility

Here looking at the point of the reaction dimension within this point of the conflict situation with my co-worker in which I have been writing about all the different dimensions that opened up within this event in the latest series of blogs. I have found that when I accepted and allowed, the thought dimension and thus thebackchat dimension, and the fear dimensions, I automatically energized the physical reaction stage of my actions within this event that caused rudeness and compromised my relationship with her due to my behavior towards her. The thought dimension was the initial justifications of my reactions of rudeness towards her based on believing the thoughts that I had created in my head, but within this they were not based on reality and thus were not based on fact. So my justifications were invalid and thus only followed through on based on my self interest to be right.

This assumption of what is so and thus me following these assumptions for my own self interest of being right is causing me to be abusive and unstable within myself, and where does that lead me, it compromises my self stability based on the fact that I will create and thus accumulate more conflict based on just trying to win. And when in competition the other will have to lose, which cause instant friction and conflict, and thus cause instability within my world and thus myself

My reaction of rudeness was the outflow result of these different dimensions of fear, backchat to fuel this rudeness and haste within being with her, were I lashed on in anger and deliberately made her feel bad. I find I would have approached the situation different if I had not followed these thoughts, and thus just been here in breath. So will walk the self forgiveness and self commitments to correct this point, and thus stop myself from going into these reactions of abuse through prevention within my own self will.