Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:

Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness

When and as I see myself give my power away to my ideas of the word loser and thus see myself at a lose, I stop and breath, realizing that I can only lose power or am at a lost within myself if I give my power away by defining myself by this world through the mind as seeing me subject to it and taking my ideas of me being a loser or inadequate as a real definition of me. I realize I am the one who directs myself and words into meaning and understand, and thus I define who I am alone.

I commit myself to walk the point of not accepting myself to be moved by hearing the sound of the word loser being directed at me or another, through breathing, and realizing that I am not defined by this word as my beliefs and so I walk the commit to let go of the beliefs that I am inadequate within myself when I am called this or another is.

I commit to walk the practical point of directing the word into an understanding for all, stopping the point ofpolarity with it that it creates with worthy/unworthy, but redefine it to be a universal meaning of the word that will fit it’s practical purpose of the word and define nothing but reality here.

When and as I go into a point of feeling inferior or inadequate within myself based on being called this word loser, I stop and breath, and realize that I am the one creating this feeling and belief of inadequacy and inferiority, and thus I realize I have the power to stop this belief and feelings and redirect myself through my living into letting it go and honoring myself and others as equals and live this.

I commit myself to let go of the fear and judgment of myself of seeing myself less then others.

I commit myself to walk as an equal in seeing that life here is equal, and thus I see that learning and growing is what is being walked within all walks of life, we all are in process of learning and growing, and thus I allow myself to walk this for myself, learn, grow, correct, and live and allow all life to walk this unconditional as well in this process of walking into self perfection.

I commit myself to stop the energy movement of fear and dread when I hear this word loser based on seeing that I am defining myself in this way because of the past, I stop the past from being here as the here is what is real, the past is gone.

I commit to walk what is here in breath and stop the past from controlling me, stop living from the past, and move my awareness to breath as life here in the physical.

When and as I see myself being in fear of my environment and people calling me names such as loser, I stop and breath, and realize that these people who call names are only showing their own true natures, this is not defining me nor do I have to take these sayings personal. I realize who I am and that I am not the words or phrases others speak of me, I am who I direct and thus define my own self to be, I am the creator of myself, I empower myself alone.

I commit to let go of this fear of being name called or ridiculed by others.

I commit to breath through this fear and allow people to say what they may, but also I stand within the principles of myself as an equal and support where I see I can and walk direct without taking it personal. It is not personal as life is all that is here and thus I realize what is being walked and what must be walked to see this for real is a process, and so I support life unconditionally.

I commit myself to stop taking all external words, gestures, behaviors personal as I realize I am walking process, life is not yet for real as life, and thus all that is here is in process, this is all me and I realize and commit to take responsibility of and for what is here as myself through my own process of self realization and self perfection and thus as the greater.

When and as I see that I am existing within my own mind as the losers and the winners within my world and reality in judgment and self interest, I stop and breath, realizing that I am not only perpetuating but creating this whole fear within me and thus within others that I desire to stop because I am living from fear. I realize I have to completely let go of the polarities within the mind as some and others or this and that, and walk into direct reality, what is here for real, and what will be the best outcome for all in humbleness in consideration of all that is here as me.

I commit myself to walk the point of letting go of all polarities within me, by embracing the other polarity I am trying to ignore, and thus seeing myself within it, what I am not accepting within myself, and accept it, write about it, self forgive the separation, and correct it into living it as myself in self responsible direction and correction.

I commit to stop using words for my own self interest and walk what is here within the practical purpose of words within a universal understanding of all to live and benefit from words in the best way possible.

I commit to end the abuse of others through changing my living behavior through writing self-forgiveness and self commitment statements of the patterns that need change, and living the change necessary to see this through by actually living it and stopping it in my day to day living. I commit to end abuse as myself in this world.

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Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness

Please reference this blog for further perspective on this post:

Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being called or associated with the word loser due to my ideas of the word defining me as less then others and thus fearing a part of myself being lost where another will gain over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the word loser more power then my own self direction realizing that I can only be defined by a word if I allow my ideas of it control me into fear and self compromise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate lose of myself with the word loser due to fear and my idea of myself seen and thus defined as inadequate if I am called this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be inadequate and thus vulnerable to others calling me a loser and thus suppress myself and fear being associated with this word because I believe this to be real meaning, that I am inadequate and others can see this, thus showing that I am not standing within my own self, but in fear of others harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others harming me and thus suppress myself due to fear of becoming vulnerable especially when hearing or being associated with the word loser as I believe that the labeling of a loser is the lose of my dignity within my environment and surrounding associates.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea and belief of this being true of being less then others if I am called a loser and become known as this by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept ideas within my head and be directed by these ideas within me of polarities and comparisons and thus be lost within this play out with words and ideas in my mind of the idea of me being called a loser and how I am branded now and at a lose, instead of living from the physical and creating universal definitions for words that is it’s actual purpose and thus having directseeing in and as what is real as the physical and direct from here in reality rather then the mind which is illusionary and multi-faceted and not clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually desire to use the word loser within myself and thus I hold onto it’s definition as real to make others inferior to me and me superior to gain more prestige and influence over others and in my surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm others within the ideas I hold of loser and make them feel less then me and when it comes to me in this position, I desire mercy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the message and words of life of give unto others as you would want done unto you, and thus create abuse and harm to others and equally create that for myself based on creating ideas and beliefs of words and live them out to be true rather then living from the physical in universal understanding of what words mean and thus live this in consideration of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word loser and the ideas of inferiority to suit my needs and desire not to be lived within these same standards when I am the one who is now inferior and have now have been labeled in the same vain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself into a split of superiority and inferiority when I realize that all life is one and equal with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distort the word loser to suit me and thus at the same time fear it when I am in the negative polarity idea I have created of it and been labeled as this, and thus I see and realize I must redefine the word loser and live it within it’s actual purpose to be here and thus direct it in common understanding in all’s equal consideration.

Self Commitments and Redefinition to follow, thanks for reading.



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Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words

I listened to Anu’s interview today, and he was discussing on family rivalry and competition, and how within this play out with siblings we easily go into the point of ‘winning’ and ‘losing’ based on the inherent desirewithin us to be strong and thus be the ‘winner’, and so obviously not be ‘weak’ and be the ‘loser’.

So the first step he suggested within looking at this whole point of sibling rivalry, is too re-define the words winning and losing, starting with lose, lost, and/or loser, so I will start with the word – loser. I have a reaction to this word within a resistances and tension, like I don’t want to be associated with this word, it’s like a real negative, horrible experience within myself when I see the word loser. This based on seeing it as I am losing something of myself and will not be able to get that part of me back, such as losing my face for instance with others, my fake face as strength and being a loser means I am not strong and thus will not be able to be a fake face with others because they will see me for who I am, my name associate with me in the peer group, thus branded and a bad brand is not something one want to be associated with as that mean you are outcasted.

Why I want to be a fake face though one may say, and this is based on survival, it’s a learned behavior only done by humans to put on a fake face to impress others one’s abilities and capabilities even if it is false or unfounded, if you can fake it you can make it mentality. This based on humans living within judgment, separation, and abuse towards each other for greed and power. So being a loser is a huge point of fear as I see myself within being associated with this word at a lose, outcasted, abused, and thus not being able to survive with others and get what I desire.

Also, within being called a loser, it’s a point of being degraded and made to feel less then others, and so being called this brings a lot of fear, and so when I see that I may or could be perceived as a loser, I will go into suppression within my expression in fear of being seen as less then others or being called this name. I didn’t want to be seen as different and not part of the group because within being a loser and out casted, you are no one, you are not liked, and thus life because much more difficult and strained, you become the target of abuse because you are now weak. Interesting how I and we as humans, so easily will put another into this position as a loser, claiming it’s not a big deal, it’s just a little poking fun, it’s the way nature is. But it’s not, it’s most certainly is deliberate, a point of putting another in their place, and showing others who you are in relation to them/that other, that I am superior and you are a loser. Human nature does not have to be this way, in abuse and separation towards others; we can be as equals and live ni harmony with others through stopping this behavior. Though within being the one who is being out casted, I know that its not fun and games and jokes, when I am the one being called it’s a real big deal, it’s hurtful, and it cause a lot of stress and anxiety within me.

I will walk self forgiveness in the next blog and redefine this word.

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Day 264 – Enslaving Another – Control and Power – Self Correction to Live

For further context within this blog, check out the following posts:
Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind
Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse
Day 255 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You - Part 1
Day 256 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You – Part 1.2
Day 257 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You 1.2 Continued
Day 258 – Does Survival of the Fittest make me a Robot?
Day 259 – Does Survival of the Fittest Make Me A Robot? Only If I Allow It
Day 260 – Using the Mind in Place of the Physical – Part 1Day 261- Using the Mind in Place of the Physical – Part 1.2

Also reference these blogs specific to this self correction writing:

Day 262 – Using Fear to My Advantage and Enslaving Another– The Problem of this World is Within Me - Part 1
Day 263 – Enslaving Another – Control and Power Self Forgiveness

When and as I go into a form of threatening another based on desire for them to do my will and thus desire to have power over them, I stop and breath, and realize what I am actually doing and so ask myself would I want this for myself? Why am I doing this? And realize that this is the act of separation and evil, not life here inequality as who I speak of myself as. 

I commit myself to put myself in the shoes of the other when any point of force or desire to have power over another emerge within, so to be able to see and wake myself up to what I am doing through self awareness of always focusing on the principles of life in equality and oneness, and thus putting myself in the shoes of the other and so stop my abuse.

I commit to stop having force over another and walk with them in understanding that they are my equal and I would like to be treated as an equal as well thus I must treat others in this way to thus gift it to myself, what I give I receive always and I give life as I would like to receive life.

I commit myself to stop all desires of control and force onto another through bringing myself back to the physical with breath and moving into the physical body through moving it physically around until I am here and stable and not in any point of reaction, I move and do not speak until I am clear.

I commit to write out the point of desire that I see is coming up to immediately correct it and not accept it to continue to direct me but give it direction through common sense self correction actions in that moment that is here.

When and as I see I am gaining a point of energy as superior feelings of worthiness and grandeur based onseeing the other fall to my force and abuse of threats, I stop and breath, and realize I am not here as a supportive life being, I am in my mind and causing abuse onto the other life around me. I am in ego and I realize this will cause me to miss the physical and thus not consider the physical equal to myself as I am in mymind in illusion as desire, and so I will deliberately go into superiority to gain nice feelings and abuse that which stand in my way.

I commit myself to stop and breath and move myself away from any situation where I see I desire to control and force my will on another, breath and do not participate in the mind at all and focus on the physical and move it to stay in awareness of myself here.

I commit myself to stop the desires for superiority and the feelings of worthiness through stopping them as they come up through breathing through them and saying ‘no I don’t accept these thoughts any longer, I am not thoughts, I am life and thus I can direct myself as the mind in the physical in common sense in what will be best’.

I commit to immediately see within what is real through putting my self in the others shoes and stopping immediately my path to abusing another for energy gain, stopping following my mind constructs as thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories.

I commit to breath through all energy of desire and release myself from the cycle of superior/inferior byaccepting myself and others through really seeing what others are doing and saying by understanding through communication and hearing what they have to say and coming to solutions through compromise.

When and as I go into a point of desire to enslave another for me to not have to do what is necessary to be done in the physical, I stop and breath, and as I realize that I will in term have to transcend this abusive way of life and walk responsibility of myself and what I require to do here in the physical to walk a world that is best for all and walk my process of equalizing myself with life, I have to become the physical to be real for real.

I commit to let go of the desire to enslave and not have to do work by walking it is I desire another to do each and every time, walk my own process, walk my own walk until I am here and self directed automatically.

I commit myself to walk the physical steps it will take, walking through resistances and transcending all resistances that are here, and forgiving myself for what I have done to life as an enslaver and abuser.

I commit myself to forgive myself to thus give me back to life and allow me to embrace life as myself, so we can move on in this world and correct our faulty living in abuse and self interest.

I commit to stop my desires within and as all that I do and walk practicality in common sense in what is best for all always through walking this within my self process of stopping my mind and walking myself as the physical in what is best in each situation that I live within.

When and as I find myself putting my own interest over what is best for the group, I stop and breath, and realize this will in turn cause separation with me and what is best for all because I am not in consideration with what is best but only what is best for me causing abuse to others and eventually abuse to myself.

I commit myself to stop all self interest and walk in all ways that I can see in self honesty and understand in what is best for all.

I commit to let go of desires for rewards and happiness in self interest, and walk practical solutions to do what will be best for all through walking the process of self forgiveness and self change as well as the equal moneysystem to create happiness and rewards were all enjoy and all benefit equally as one.

When and as I go into a point of jealousy because I am not accepting myself, I stop and breath, and I realize that jealousy leads to abuse and me to force my will on another due to believing I am at a lose.

I commit myself to accept me in all ways and walk the practical steps to build my self through commitment and physical effort in studies and research and practicing living my words and doing what is best in all that I do so I become that which I am not yet, I realize I am capable I have to walk it for real to live it this I understand.

I commit to let go of jealousy by letting go of my idea of myself, letting my idea of who I desire to be die, andrebirth as life here in the physical as the physical equal and one with all as I am here as self through the process of self correction through self honesty and self forgiveness.

I commit to embrace others as me and support all to walk self realization and support what is best for all as best I am able to in all times.

I commit to stop taking things personal by embracing others as myself in the moment of this jealousy by seeing what it is I am reacting to and walk a correction to either practice this point of communicate with the other to see how they walked it and physically walk it myself and see where it leads.

When and as I go into an abuse of life and take advantage of others dependency on me, I stop and breath, and realize this is causing the death of myself as the lose of life as I will not give to another but in fact abuse that which has been gifted to me in the expression that lives here within and as all because I only see my mind as my self and what I desire and fear.

I commit to let go of fear as this encapsulates me into the belief and the mind and so I am defined only by that which I fear, I embrace that which I fear and do what is best within this situation and not allow fear to control me through always facing the fear.


I commit to stop abusing life’s gifts as all that live here and walk my correction process into self responsibility within all that I do and all that is here that I am in encounter.

I commit to breath through all energy reactions as I see this is the mind desiring to control, and walk the correction I see is here in what is best, walking into a self integrity that I can only stand within and become stable as this is me.

I commit to walk self integrity through honoring the life within myself and the life within all by stopping fear and stopping all abuse, and changing to help solve these issues through changing myself to be the solution always in what is best for all.

I commit to stop revenge and walk humbleness through letting go of my mind desires, and become nothing within myself and thus walk as a physical being in what ever is necessary to support the honor and equality of all life as I realize this is the perfect honor of myself as life as life itself.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
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Day 263 – Enslaving Another – Control and Power Self Forgiveness

For further context within this blog, check out the following posts:
Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind
Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse
Day 255 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You - Part 1
Day 256 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You – Part 1.2
Day 257 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You 1.2 Continued
Day 258 – Does Survival of the Fittest make me a Robot?
Day 259 – Does Survival of the Fittest Make Me A Robot? Only If I Allow It
Day 260 – Using the Mind in Place of the Physical – Part 1Day 261- Using the Mind in Place of the Physical – Part 1.2
Day 262 – Using Fear to My Advantage and Enslaving Another– The Problem of this World is Within Me - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel emboldened by taking someone’s power away from them and making them do what I want through threats and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire this point of power over others based on seeing myself better, more enlightened, more intelligent then others because I have the power to make another do what I want, but in reality feel threatened and desire to control this other person so I am not abused, though I will do it with no problem to another for my own self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse another through controlling them against their will due to threats of harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use threats of abuse and harm and fear to have another do what I say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear and abuse for my own self interest and not considered the other if it was me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am more worthy then others and that my desires are more important then others and so disregard the other completely because of the greed to get what I want fulfilled through my control over them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use greed as a justification to harm and abuse another into disempowering them through fear and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse another due to my desire to have someone do everything that I didn’t want to do myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another for my own personal use and gain while taking the others dignity away and not allowing them the freedom of their own will by using fear to disempower them and make them under my control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave another for my own personal satisfaction and desire to be lazy and slothful while forcing another to do something that I wouldn’t do myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life like a commodity and degrade others while I had the audacity to believe that I was more worthy and that I could do this with no consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care of another’s well being but only care about fulfilling my own satisfaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am better then others who show a point of perceived ‘weakness’ not realizing or recognizing who they are in their natural expression as gentleness because I was actually jealous of this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the jealous I felt towards the other within myself from seeing it and thus get a release by taking my anger out on this person due to desiring to be gentle as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to commit an evil act that cause the absolute separation and degradation of myself as life by enslaving another in my care and taking advantage of their nature and vulnerability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of another’s vulnerability and dependency on me and use it to my own benefit to make myself feel important and better then them because within I felt inferior and was only seeking self interest as my own happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear and threat of abuse to have power and control over another who depended on me for safety as they were in my care.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself to be not this gentleness and thus take out my anger for lacking this out on the other who had this and I was jealous of, and so I seek revenge and abused them in the physical because I wanted what I didn’t have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed jealousy to direct me into abusing another and taking advantage of who they are in their beingness as gentle.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not gentle and thus blame this person who expressed it naturally for this through abusing them and controlling them through fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek revenge on another who I am jealous of because I don’t want to face the fact that I have to change and practice change which takes effort that I don’t care to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek revenge on another because within myself I feel inferior to others so making others feel inferior makes me feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize nor learn and integrate the reality I see within myself as treating others as I would want to be treated, as I realize when I am abused by another it’s not enjoyable and not what I would want, so the obvious common sense is that it then is not enjoyable for the other and thus obviously unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to integrate and live this common sense of treating others as I would want to be treated and finally ending this cycle of abuse within the apparent polarity of inferior/superior, trying to make myself more but always within this balance making me equally inferior.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
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Day 262 – Using Fear to My Advantage and Enslaving Another– The Problem of this World is Within Me - Part 1

For further context within this blog, check out the following posts:
Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind
Day 254 - "Being Taken Advantage of" to Justify My Abuse
Day 255 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You - Part 1
Day 256 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You – Part 1.2
Day 257 – Being Angry Because I am Offended By You 1.2 Continued
Day 258 – Does Survival of the Fittest make me a Robot?

Day 259 – Does Survival of the Fittest Make Me A Robot? Only If I Allow It

Day 260 – Using the Mind in Place of the Physical – Part 1

Day 261- Using the Mind in Place of the Physical – Part 1.2

I have come to see growing up how we as humans tend to exploit others weaknesses for our own gains, this in the pursuit of survival because if I don’t survive, I’m dead, so my acts are justified because I am just doing it to survive right? But looking really at this statement and thus this way of life, do we really in the way life is on this earth require survival? Is survival the only way of living on this planet? Why has this world come to this way of life where we require surviving on a planet we were born in to? And why do we exploit the lest protected and vulnerable among us? (I will walk these questions in later blogs).

In my experience survival has caused me to be nasty towards others due to the root cause of fear, fear can direct people to not consider what they are doing and what they are treating others, but use fear to justify the atrocious actions and acts we as humanity and thus me as the human do onto our fellow human beings and life forms that reside with us on this planet.

So the problem is fear, and fear that is not investigated and stopped due to rational consideration and applying common sense within it, it will create self interested beings only looking to survive and enjoy as much of the pie as they can to ensure they stay alive and indulged. So thus brings me to the other propagator of what we see today as the human being and our acts of atrocities we commit onto others and ourselves on a daily basis and that is greed.

Greed is indulged within through desire and desire is like a virus within self, like a nagging temptation always there so long as you continue in the desirous thoughts within your mind over and over again until finally you will burst into the living out of these desires in instances where you will take more then your fair share, and within taking more then your fair share leaving others to not have enough, thus you have become greedy. Desire breed greed and greed is lived out through the human will to fulfill their desire. This greediness being fueled by your desire to manifest your fulfillment over the actual life that will be affected by these cravings, and thus not alone causing abuse, but cause an act of enslavement over others to bend to ones will over the equal consideration of all involved.

One really sick and inhumane act that I did and will do self forgiveness on and correction in posts to come was when I was younger, I was in third grade, I was responsible every day to pick up my younger sister who was in kindergarten at her door at the end of the school day and then we would walk out to the car together, I don’t think she knew where to go, so this was an establish routine developed for her to feel ok where she depended on me to make her safe and get her to the car to go home.

So within this dependency on me of my sister, I immediately calculated it as a weakness within her that I could exploit, and in so seeing this, I did exploit it. I would say to her that ‘if you don’t do this for me, I will not pick you up at your door tomorrow’, and within these words I had enslaved her to me because she was very afraid of not being picked up and thus she would then go and do what I said. This going on for months, where I would use fear and threats of harm of her safety (being left alone) and exploit that fear to get what I desired, which was a personal slave to do whatever I wanted. My greed of actually having this power over her and desire to not have to do the things I didn’t want to, created the perfect justification in my mind to do such a thing as enslave my own sister because she was letting me, she is weak and thus why not. She finally couldn’t stand it anymore and told my parents, to which I got in trouble and that was that. I didn’t think twice about it at the time, I for a long time just saw it as I was sorry to get caught not realizing or really caring of the impact and anguish that I put on my sister through each day with threats and fears of abuse of not picking her up as she expected and having her feeling trapped within this.

I see here how I developed this desire based on my greediness to get things quick and free, and enslaving another human being as my means to get my desires met. I mean I was a child, and already at this young age, I had the desire to enslave another and use her for my own greed/self interest. And I not only had this desire, but I lived it out with no remorse or consideration for her and the experience she was going through. I had no care for her well being, but only for my self interest, my own happiness, and my feeling of success through fulfilling my desire of a personal slave to do what I wanted. Does this sound familiar? I am the micro of the macro of this global system, where we abuse and exploit others weakness every day, those who can't stand and voice themselves, those who by a dignity standard should be the most protected and considered in this world, but are used and abused for those who are the supposedly the strong and powerful in this world to benefit, we those who live a life of comfort benefitting off the most weak and vulnerable among us. And it's not that they are inherently weak or vunlnerable, but we have specifically designed such a system to create this, so us as the greedy can get the most for the cheapest and quickest benefit possible, even if it mean the eternal abuse of life on this earth in all it's forms and in all ways imaginable.

Our current money system is the systematic enslavement of the global living of all, and the human is the creator as the enslaver of life onto each other for greed and fear. But we are equal in life, we are able to be free for real in this principle of equality of all and all being life as one, we are able to walk a process of self forgiveness and correction to again be able to honor life and be worthy of this gift we have been given. I am a living proof as many others are to the ability to walk this journey really every breath I take til I redeem myself and life here as myself until this is done and we are free for real in our directive will.

More to follow in posts to come, thanks for reading.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
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Day 253 – Yelling/Beating Someone Up in My Mind

Here looking at how I go into my mind and express my anger towards another when within my living I had perceived that someone has offended me or created a point of disadvantage for me were I desired something for myself or thought of myself, and I believed that another took that image or object away from me. I will then calculate in my head within a quick scan of the other to see where i stand, and will then assess if i am able to win against them or not. If not, then I will go into my mind imagination and win, by yelling, screaming and even at points physically harming them through my thoughts and imaginations. Usually in these instances were I go into my mind and take my anger out it's because I feel to weak to do it in real life, like I will not be able to contend with the other and made to look like a fool or be harmed in some way by them if i dare try and confront them. I have also within myself have accumulated myself as a weak person and incapable in many instances due to taking others words towards me and gestures as personal rejections of me and thus defined myself as someone who is rejectable, or not cool, or not good enough, or just lousy and not worth hanging out with.

I will though, if I find that I am stonger then the other, this at a younger age in my life, would verablly abuse another, exploit others weakness, and say anything to get on top and become the winner. This I found I had to do because I perceived myself as the strong person, and so i had to prove this or I would then be weak and this created much fear within me because then I was less able to survive with others especially my peers and live the life I wanted to live. Weakness was unacceptable with others because as I did to those I perceived as weak, I was afraid others would exploit this weakness in me, and I would be less advantaged then I already felt within myself, which was quite unstable and vulnerable to attack by others because I did it the same. So it was a play-out of competition, winner takes all, and survival of the fittest, this way of life of complete self interest and not caring for the other I am harming caused eventually an absolute misery within me because of the hate and anger that I had accumulated towards myself and towards others, which made for a lonely living and confusion within what life was about as it was not enjoyable most times. I really had no idea who I was, and so I was listening and defining myself form out there, and out there was doing and living the same way as me defining and finding ourselves in what we wear, in how we look, in how others see us, talk to us, accept us, and how we are accepted and see ourselves, all not from reality, but from the billions of thoughts, pictures, beliefs, ideas, and memories that accumulate and collect over the years of living in such a way. In this causing misery because of the stress of living in such a struggle and ruthlessness, and thus always in fear of losing our survival and losing in life. So abuse and anger and suppression and feeling weak and scared was my living for a long period in my life, til I found desteni, and started the process of taking my power back through taking responsibility of myself, my mind, and my behavior and aligning it with equality and oneness of life here in the physical with what is real, nature, animals, and my physical change in my living to honor this.

So this playout is originated from me as a kid feeling invincible because i saw that this is the only way to get what I wanted and have respect from others around me, but this all fell to pieces like me, breaking into pieces when I was made fun of in school by other kids and I eventually accepted myself to be this weak person after a while of this being named called, and within this accepting of this point of me being someone who was weaker then others and less important/less worthy then other human beings I started to live this in my world. I would succumb to fear based on the feelings and emotions that would come up due to this public humilation, being outcasted in front of others, which if this has ever happened to you is quite horrific especially as a kid because of the dynamics that play out on school yards and such and not really knowing who we are and how to interact and communicate with each other.  So I would use my mind to get even and release this emotional built up of anger, fear, and blame somehow that was building in me as this weakened position become who I was as I was holding myself as this weakened way and believing this was who I was now as I defined myself by others and took everything as a personal attack or insult.

I blamed alot of people for this state I was in of misery and feeling weak, many people, those that were being abusive towards me calling me names in front of others kids, and those that did nothing to stick up for me or my so called friends that left me due to the stigma I had around me of now being an outcast, loser type person. I also was really angry at myself for being this way, not being able to stick up for myself because within myself i believed i was flawed, I didn't see myself as perfect compared to what others looked like, so I blamed my physical for the flaws that I precieved i had, and thus abused my physical in thought and never accepted myself within my physical because i only based me on if i could compete with others and within my current status at this point it was not happening.

I then would go into my mind and get even with others, get my revenge out, and so within this yelling, screaming, and beating people up, I accumulated allot of energy, but this was not being released, and was stuck within me, in my mind, accumulating more and more each time I thought about it or interacted within the mind playout, I was not directing it into a solution in the physical, so it was stuck in my head. Eventually to be physically exploding of me on to the other person that trigger this reaction due to something I perceived they did to me that wasn’t good.

I was blaming, taking things personal, and abusing in my mind and eventually the physical in trying to become more to get what i wanted in my life without caring how i got there or who I harmed, and allowing these thoughts, blames, fears, and suppressions to accumlate into massive outbursts of conflict and anger with others in my world that wasn't neessary and could be avoided. This could be avoided if I stopped this pattern of going in my mind and stopped it accumulating to physical consequences through directing the conflict in the moment it happen by taking responsibility of my own actions and behaviors, and coming to solutions through understanding, common sense, and equality with the others. 

Will continue in next blogs, thanks.

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Day 252 - The Vengeful Character - Resolving the Abuse Within Me with Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments

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For Further Perspective on the Vengeful Character, check out these Blogs:
Day 244 - How is Vengefulness Created within me? –Vengeful Character
Day 245 - I am An Addict - Opening Up More on Vengefulness
Day 246 - The Family Unit and the Vengeful Character
Day 247 - The Vengeful Character – “Believing I Require Possessing” Self Forgiveness
Day 248 – The Vengeful Character – “Believing I Require Possessing” Self Commitments to Live
Day 249 – The Vengeful Character – Ownership
Day 250 – The Vengeful Character – Ownership – Self Corrections to Live
Day 251 – Why do I want to Hit Someone? – More on the Vengeful Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go within my head and accept backchat thoughts of seeing others at fault and blaming others for taking my things without asking me, and then going into my mind and abusing them within words or actual physical actions of beating them up as imaginations playouts of harming them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to beat up others within my mind and harming them with words in my mind to make myself feel more powerful and feel better about myself because within the situation that was lived with the other in reality I felt weak and scared to face the other in the point of directing the situation with the other because I perceived myself as weaker and so used my mind to become strong again through abusing them and making them weak, but obviously this is not real and empowering my mind more then myself in me physically solving problems in stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind as a tool to abuse others because I am accepting fear to direct me into suppressing my expression in reality rather then stopping the fear and finding out the facts and resolving the situation into solution within this physical real reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed backchat thoughts of this person is so rude and annoying taking my things, they don’t listen to me and don’t respect me, how dare they just take my things, when in reality I don’t know if any of this is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take others actions towards me or my things that I am using at this moment personal and believe I am being accosted or attacked when someone has something of mine, when in reality it is just a point of another using something that I have in my possession for the moment for some reason, as I realize it's just a object and can be shared equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not resolve the issue by directing myself within the physical with the other in the moment it occurred, but rather suppress myself into myself and take my anger out on them in my mind, and then after many of these suppressions of my expressions into the mind of abuse imagination playout, I will eventually accumulate this anger to such an extent where I will blow up on them and yell and scream and may physically harm them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and cause abuse in my mind and then eventually in the physical instead of taking responsibility for my actions, stopping the fear, and directing the situation in what is best for both in the physical with the other in equality and thus into solutions.

When and as I go into a point of back chatting about another about what they have done and what I have assumed the reason this of this being done, I stop and breath, and say no, I do not know if this is true or not, I stop this backchat now, and I direct myself to find the facts from the other.

I commit myself to when I go into a backchat thought of anger in accusing another, I stop and do not participate by seeing that the consequence will be abuse to this person.

I commit to direct myself to communicate with the other and find out what the situation is, what the facts are that they took my object, and see if they really need it and when it will be available again for later use.

I commit myself to let others have things that I am not using.

I commit to let go of things that I feel like are mine and allow myself to be free of it so I can live with or without something, and thus stop the addiction to it.

When and as I go into a point of starting to accumulate anger and beating others in my mind, I flag this and breath ad stop immediately, I am now in the stages of accepting the fear and suppressing myself within abusing in my mind and imagination and I realize this will lead to outbursts in the physical were I will go into anger as abuse and harm another in word or physically.

I commit myself to see the point of fear and suppression, and not accept myself any longer doing to go into to this and allow it to direct me into not speaking up and finding the facts, but suppress myself. I direct myself to the point that I am fearing and trying to suppress, by doing what it is I fear and showing to myself that I am capable and I can move myself when necessary.

I commit myself to always push myself when this fear come up to see myself less then others and suppress myself, and direct myself to speak to that other realizing that we are equal in fact and we are both life, we both breath the same air, and that we both can communicate in stability.

I commit myself to come to solutions with the other within a point of understanding and acceptance and find solutions that will work for both through understanding the other and what the facts are to thus direct according to the best case for both as i have no self interest in usage and find what will work.

I commit myself to never again allow myself to accumulate anger in my mind, through not accepting these thoughts and image playouts any longer, and pushing myself in the physical to walk and move in the physical and stay here as breath when these moments of fear come up to suppress myself and use my mind as a punching bag for another. I stop this abusive playout in my mind and eventually into the physical.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life 
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Day 251 – Why do I want to Hit Someone? – More on the Vengeful Character

Photo Source

For Further Perspective on the Vengeful Character, check out these Blogs:
Day 244 - How is Vengefulness Created within me? –Vengeful Character
Day 245 - I am An Addict - Opening Up More on Vengefulness
Day 246 - The Family Unit and the Vengeful Character
Day 247 - The Vengeful Character – “Believing I Require Possessing” Self Forgiveness
Day 248 – The Vengeful Character – “Believing I Require Possessing” Self Commitments to Live
Day 249 – The Vengeful Character – Ownership
Day 250 – The Vengeful Character – Ownership – Self Corrections to Live


For a lot of my life I would suppress myself within my head, often times I would take out my anger and irritation on others within my head, calling them names, seeing them as less important then me, and even beating them up if I was mad enough all inside my mind and imagination. Eventually, though, this would come to a head usually with just a word or a gesture towards me, and I would explode like a missile to destroy. I also realized that I often accumulated within me judgments and name calling I was doing in my head towards others for most of my days, I often was participating within this, and then when I was around others, I was often fearful and on edge to see what I was experiencing within me would come out within them towards me, the anger, the irritation, the bad mouthing, and the physical violence, it was like ‘are they thinking the same as I am, do they like me, am I gong to be accepted”.

I would be easily set off based on the built up of pressure of anger and fear, getting angry at others for my own self interested reasons like not getting my way or another was saying/doing something in a voice that aggravated me, but eventually the pressure would be so much, I would explode on whoever was the one to trigger that pressure explosion that I became. I have a memory here of my sister outside, we were fighting for some reason, and in the middle of it she called me a ‘dike’, this word triggered within me this pressure release because I took it as a personal attack. I didn’t want to be called this or associated as this based on the stigma I knew with this name as a manly female, and I played hockey, so I was conscious of this within me. So right then as she finished saying this to me and I got a rush of anger throughout my body due to taking this personal, I wound up and punched her.

I didn’t realize that this was able to be controlled at this time, this anger, the rush of this energy, I just always assumed its who I am, but is it? I just always existed in this way, anger at others and irritation because I didn’t get what I wanted or was not able to live in relaxation, and then I would take my anger as revenge out onto others me living in such a volatile and unstable state to whoever was the unlucky person to set the fuse of the explosion of anger. Obviously in the instance above, I took what my sister said to me as an attack on my standing within our environment,, our world, and our family and friends, and thus I was going to fall into a point of being weak among the group as this word as dike is seen within a negative connotation as a female who is manly within that current time, so it was unacceptable within me to be called that and thus I saw it as a deliberate and personal attack on me as a person in the group. So I sought to seek revenge within this case, and based on the explosion point I let her have it with physical abuse, and did not have any holding back within my words and within my self.

The revenge was instant and the action was then immediate and it was induced based on a reaction of a rush of embarrassment, anger, and fear energy as theses emotions, and thus with these emotional combinations, I went into a mode of protection to protect my own self as my self image and defend my honor within my environment to survive and remain strong. Weakness within myself and being seen as a weaker person was out of the question, and based on living within this polarity, I used violence and abuse towards others to become empowered when I was down within my group. And for me getting these emotions of negativity to go back to good feelings, back to the positivity, I had to get myself back to the top no matter what and I used mymind to get there rather then the reality that I was facing as me.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki