Self Forgiveness (Day 1):The Beginning of Self Deprecation - Day 579

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

For most of my life up until I have started to walk the desteni process and realized i have the power to change myself, I was living very much in self-insecurity and self depreciation, which in it's outflow led me to become angry, revengeful, abusive, even physically violent.

A lot of times in my childhood I remember feeling crazy inside myself like there was a person inside me that wanted to just rip out of my skin and scream due to the rage at times that would course through my body. I often was driven to punching and kicking people in my world, becoming a bully towards those who I saw as weaker than me and then creating a huge petrification of those who I deemed more then me. Resulting over time in a unstable person who could barely function in society and just wanted to be away from people, finding indulgences to quench the petrification that was eating away at me, and be calm for a while, then the voices would come back, "what is out there that can harm me, when will i be harmed, will i be able to survive on this planet, will I be strong enough" and so fear became rooted within me.

I did not, in fact, want to fight or be a bully, but I saw no other way out, everyone around me did the same thing, there were very little examples in my world of those who were at peace and lived peace in there lives, cared for others, and took self-responsibility. And I became equal to that survival system, competing with everyone, fearing my survival, and so it came out as bullying, not being patient when people made mistakes, not taking responsibility to do what is best for others, and so creating a fear-based world that was maddening and not what life is supposed to be about.

I see how I have taken on the anger and rage from family history, copying it from many, it's amazing how much we influence others and they us. This is why it is important to walk the process of self-purification, to know thyself and so be able to direct self in what is best to thus direct others to what is best equally so as how you would like. So living out my bully nature, using passive-aggressive force to move people to do what I want, manipulating in fact to get the desired result, and when my expectations are not met become rigid and cold. I see this pattern play out in my responsibilities at work at times stemming from an impatience I have found because there is an ego self-interest point i am defending and that is not to have to do extra work and also believing that I am better at my job than others and so I have the 'right' to say this in this way or do that to get that result, not in full consideration or being my best self. And thus causing ripples to outflow that are harmful and abusive, which is in need of correction and self-forgiveness.

So I am working with both insecurities and self-righteousness as a polarity design playout within this whole programming I just wrote out, balancing out the systems in place of not actually standing within the patience of what is here and the step by step process that must be walked in this physical reality to get the results that are grounded, long lasting, and best for all. I take short cuts and in life, short cuts always catch up with you, the best way to move forward when one has seen living that is not supporting life is to forgive ourselves, write out the corrections, and walk new in life fresh, here, breath by breath, creating a new you. because I see that taking this on will release the self-interest within myself and thus collapses this polarity design I am battling within myself, and do what is best regardless of the scenario.

Self Forgiveness to come on these points shared.

Thanks for reading.

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http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org
http://www.earthhaven.org

Just Take Me Away..... – Day 404

Desiring to escape reality into imagination of an upcoming trip and so use this as a way to cope with reality and just get through to enjoy time in the future that is coming instead of being here within myself living and breathing as the physical being and create what it is that is necessary in physical reality here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to escape the reality I am living in now and so create an imagination of the future that is going to play out so I can escape what I am doing and have good feelings for a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is someone who can not live mundanely and in a routine type of living and that I have to use my mind to escape and make myself feel good because I am existing within an experience of boredom which I have defined as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I am doing and where I am is determining who I will be instead of living within and as my physical equal and one as the environment as well within a self direction to support that which is best and support what can be done to live a life that has integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within my breath by breath living that I need to experience an energy of emotion or feeling to be alive and to feel normal and so desire the experience of fun or excitement as a positive experience within my mind I can create and then within reality see my day to day living as boring and not fun and so create a negative emotion of boredom towards it where I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to living here within each moment in physical reality and instead opt for the instant experience of the mind as excitement energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I have to live for is the experience of excitement through going into imagination and fantasy of going away and having a good time in the future on vacation and so create a desire to go somewhere, when I realize that I am always here and will always be here in my physical body and to desire to go else where in my mind is self compromise as I am separating myself from reality, what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within myself that I am needing an escape from this reality and so believe that who I am in this moment is in a lesser degree then who I can be within the next moments of when I will be relaxed and more at ease through projecting in the future when I will have more excitement or fun instead of creating here as me as self enjoyment if it is relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and so become addicted to the desire to have an experience of being relaxed and at ease because within myself I create the experience of stress through the accumulation of backchat of blaming others for my reality and experience and so then creating a point of resistance to my environment but I realize that this is only creating the resistance and experience of escape from myself and who and how I am living within and as my reality and so create a point of desired escape because I in fact want to escape the responsibilities I have to face and have committed to ensure that what is necessary to be done is in fact done.

I forgive myself that I heave accepted and allowed myself to create an escape within my mind as going into the future in projections of what I am going to do in another time and so create another loop of resistance that I will have to move through and so create my process and everyone elses process much longer then if I just stopped the future projections of escape and walked through what it is my reality is showing to me and correct it within and as my process of self direction in my physical body within my physical reality in each moment here.

When and as I see I am going into my mind into a point of escape, I stop and breath, and realize that within this action I need to flag this as I am escaping what it is I have to do in physical reality of responsibilities and commitments I made and also facing myself to change my living in what is best for all.

I commit myself to flag these moments when I go into my mind into imagination or fantasy and create an energy of excitement and fun to escape reality here.

I commit to breath through this energy and bring myself back to my body and what it is I am doing in reality and continue to breath and walk my responsibilities.

Eqafe interview support I recommend:
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Self Image and Imagination - Part 1

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Self Image and Imagination - Part 2

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Equal Life Foundation - Site

How to Live Patience - Day 338

So I have written about patience in the past, and found it throughout my process of changing myself to be able to live what is best for all in all moments has steadily become a point I can support myself with. I would like to be more steadfast within it and more disciplined, but that will come with time and actually living it, so I am not yet satisfied nor at a point where I can say I am living patiences. 

I am going to place the word definition here to look at what the word means in this world:

Patience  - the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

Interesting because I have been looking at anger today as I see this is a main trigger point within me when I go into reaction or conflict with another. It's quite cool though because through practicing patiences within my process and becoming more disciplined within stopping going into thought patterns or reactions, I have been able to see more clearly when I go into anger for instance, it's like an elephant in the room so to speak, it's quite obvious. And I find I still once I react in anger and release it through my words and actions, I go into a point of disappointment within myself like i should have known better and I should have stopped. But here it's important for me to remember that this point of judging myself is only causing a point of inner conflict and so will take longer to move through the point which will inevitable have to be transcended, and so it's quite pointless to keep judging myself for something that happened, and so just move through it and correct it. 

Anyway back to this relationship of anger and patiences, patiences I have found is a stability point for me when the reality is showing me that it garners it, and the mind reaction to this reality has always usually been a point of anger and annoyance as blame and assumption toward whatever it is that was not whatever I approved of or desired to happen or get. So I have found patiences is an application of life, of equality, of unity with others, as you are putting yourself in the others shoes and thus ensuring that the other is or will eventually become equal to you in whatever it is that you are looking at or sharing that the other has to walk a process to learn and/or integrate within themselves. 

But of course within this, one need to be self honest as self honesty is the key, because patiences by itself is not the key to living one and equal with life and all it's gifts, no, it is determined and lived out based on who the being is within the application of living patiently. So it all again goes to who you are, what you are living in each moment, and how you are applying yourself within what is happening in reality. For instance, one can be patient, but do it in a point of harm like in war or conflict, and so it's not simply to be patient in your living that matters, but what matters is who one is within the living patiently, it all is determined by self. 

Another point that just occurred to me with being patient is the desire or need the mind creates within self to move quick, the mind as we can see is always moving very fast, we are thinking in the future one second, then we are in the past the next, then we are thinking about the burn on our leg that is beginning to become irritated with the sweat from the heat, and then we look into the crowds and we are judging another for the way they dressed so 'abnormally' that day, then back in the future to the party that's scheduled for tonight, then over to next friday where I have to work a double shift, then back to the present where that bill is overdue and a fear is immediately created and I accept as me, so we are moving and actually really zooming through our minds in all sorts of direction and all sorts of dimensions creating feelings/emotions and really energy movements, and thus we are constantly wanting to move quick and go fast through our day/life, never being able to sit still, be here, and just simply breath with nothing moving within, it seems impossible.

But life, such as the natural world as we see lives patiently, slowly, a plant growing from a seed to a mature tree/flower/bush takes a significant period of space and time, our physical bodies take a significant time to grow from a baby body to a mature adult body, it doesn't happen at the speed of a thought which is quite unnatural as it's movement is so quick, but a tree growing or our physical bodies growing is all real, is all natural, is all physical, and so it takes space and time, and patiences to see it to maturity. 

So this is a cool analogy to realize that what is real, what is natural, what is physically applicable requires patiences, we require patience to live here in the physical and become the life we really are, this taking a process of self purification to really in fact live and become. We have to slow ourselves down and walk the process back to the physical, back to breath awareness, walking one breath at a time, breath by breath, stable, which indeed will require patience to see through to it's completion. This I am currently walking, and this application of slowing down I see has absolutely supported me to walk the change that I have walked so far and I know will support me to walk the rest of the points that are required to be life here as the physical.

Life I have realized is patient through supporting unconditionally within what has to be done no matter how long it will take, and allows adaption and correction when the principles are not being lived in what is best for all, but there is an end point realize, it will not continue as is so don't haste, we must remain self honest and walk the change as is necessary and required. So I will continue to apply patiences with myself until I am satisfied that I live this word as myself. Patiences redefined in it's living expression is a slowing down of self to align with breath in what is here and walk what is necessary in ensuring what is best for all until it is a reality. 

Other Blogs to Follow:
Creation's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Economist's Journey to Life
Activist's Journey to Life

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Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site
Equal Money System - Site

Day 268 – Redefining the Word Loser

Loser

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:
Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness
Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live


This word, loser, will have to be purified within yourself, the memories, the definitions, the beliefs, the fears you hold within it through the self forgiveness and self correction process that I have walked in the last few blogs I have referenced above. I am not completely done purifying this word loser as I still have memories and beliefs coming up within me, so I will continue my writing on this word in writings to come. But for the sake of this blog series, I will redefine it here within a point of how I see it could be walked for all in a universal purpose, what the word actually could be used for to describe and help encapsulate an action within reality.

So for Loser, we can see it as a derivative of the word lost, lost in the context of a competition, and no not the competition of ego in feeling superior over others, but the competition of here in reality to see what is best within the standards we live, and thus can be seen in what we will be walking within the equal money system for instance.

We will through test, trials, and errors walk through many different ways and means, products and services as we recreate this world into the best it could possible be. So within the different testings and trials of these different functions in life that we will use, we will have that which have proven in physical real time living to be best for all, such as a car design that is the most efficient, creative, long lasting, ect., and thus within this testing there will also be the cars that have lost. So within this context one could say ‘this car was the ‘loser’ of the testing arena, and thus car x is the best (or winner)’.

This establishing the practical use of the word ‘loser’ and thus also the word ‘winner’ as it’s not from a point of ego in making one better then the other in one’s mind reality any longer, but the word is the best in a testable, evidentiary, and practical physical reality way, it is what it is actually, there is nothing behind it or nothing anyone can interpret within it's meaning, but in it's realness of the word use it will be the 'loser' as it (place x here) lost in testing and it (place y here) is the winner because it won in testing.

We, within for instance the equal money system processing, will walk from the physical and thus live from the physical only as this is the only reality that is in fact real and able to be tested for real, so thus this is why we are in the process of stopping ourminds and re-birthing ourselves into and as the physical reality, so we are in fact real and can thus live from reality and be in reality. We are now in our minds and thus create all sorts of meanings and definitions in this word loser if you have a look, which create separation and confusion really within society. So living into and as us as physical beings here in physical reality in our presences, words, deeds, and understandings, we all will be equal and one in understanding of what the physical is and what words are in their universal meanings because in essence they will be what they are in it’s actual purpose, the universal meaning to be further discussed, but eventually this will become self evidentiary to a self realized being in the physical.

Another point within redefining the word loser is also as you can see we will redefine the use of competition as well, so within the equal money system for instance we will only create that which is best within life, and this will be agreed upon by all and self evident within all. So creating a number of the same things in different minute or small changes for making artificial competition to make money and profit, will be seen as wasteful and not necessary as it’s not best for all, so thus will be eliminated within the equal money system. Competition as we know it will be gone in our minds in self interest, and the real purpose of competition will emerge, to find what is in fact best for all in all that we do. And thus only that which is best will be created in all we do, which is the highest form of living possible and will create unimaginable results. The practical form of the word ‘loser’ will be necessary and functional as it will be for it’s real purpose, what it does in the physical word reason, create understanding for life in this word, and help life move through the living of words into living it for real within oneself in the best and most efficient way possible, lived for all.

Thanks for reading.
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
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Desteni Wiki

Day 267 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Corrections to Live

Please reference these blogs for further perspective on this post:

Day 265 – What Does Being A Loser Imply? Behind Words
Day 266 – What Does the Word Loser Imply? – Self Forgiveness

When and as I see myself give my power away to my ideas of the word loser and thus see myself at a lose, I stop and breath, realizing that I can only lose power or am at a lost within myself if I give my power away by defining myself by this world through the mind as seeing me subject to it and taking my ideas of me being a loser or inadequate as a real definition of me. I realize I am the one who directs myself and words into meaning and understand, and thus I define who I am alone.

I commit myself to walk the point of not accepting myself to be moved by hearing the sound of the word loser being directed at me or another, through breathing, and realizing that I am not defined by this word as my beliefs and so I walk the commit to let go of the beliefs that I am inadequate within myself when I am called this or another is.

I commit to walk the practical point of directing the word into an understanding for all, stopping the point ofpolarity with it that it creates with worthy/unworthy, but redefine it to be a universal meaning of the word that will fit it’s practical purpose of the word and define nothing but reality here.

When and as I go into a point of feeling inferior or inadequate within myself based on being called this word loser, I stop and breath, and realize that I am the one creating this feeling and belief of inadequacy and inferiority, and thus I realize I have the power to stop this belief and feelings and redirect myself through my living into letting it go and honoring myself and others as equals and live this.

I commit myself to let go of the fear and judgment of myself of seeing myself less then others.

I commit myself to walk as an equal in seeing that life here is equal, and thus I see that learning and growing is what is being walked within all walks of life, we all are in process of learning and growing, and thus I allow myself to walk this for myself, learn, grow, correct, and live and allow all life to walk this unconditional as well in this process of walking into self perfection.

I commit myself to stop the energy movement of fear and dread when I hear this word loser based on seeing that I am defining myself in this way because of the past, I stop the past from being here as the here is what is real, the past is gone.

I commit to walk what is here in breath and stop the past from controlling me, stop living from the past, and move my awareness to breath as life here in the physical.

When and as I see myself being in fear of my environment and people calling me names such as loser, I stop and breath, and realize that these people who call names are only showing their own true natures, this is not defining me nor do I have to take these sayings personal. I realize who I am and that I am not the words or phrases others speak of me, I am who I direct and thus define my own self to be, I am the creator of myself, I empower myself alone.

I commit to let go of this fear of being name called or ridiculed by others.

I commit to breath through this fear and allow people to say what they may, but also I stand within the principles of myself as an equal and support where I see I can and walk direct without taking it personal. It is not personal as life is all that is here and thus I realize what is being walked and what must be walked to see this for real is a process, and so I support life unconditionally.

I commit myself to stop taking all external words, gestures, behaviors personal as I realize I am walking process, life is not yet for real as life, and thus all that is here is in process, this is all me and I realize and commit to take responsibility of and for what is here as myself through my own process of self realization and self perfection and thus as the greater.

When and as I see that I am existing within my own mind as the losers and the winners within my world and reality in judgment and self interest, I stop and breath, realizing that I am not only perpetuating but creating this whole fear within me and thus within others that I desire to stop because I am living from fear. I realize I have to completely let go of the polarities within the mind as some and others or this and that, and walk into direct reality, what is here for real, and what will be the best outcome for all in humbleness in consideration of all that is here as me.

I commit myself to walk the point of letting go of all polarities within me, by embracing the other polarity I am trying to ignore, and thus seeing myself within it, what I am not accepting within myself, and accept it, write about it, self forgive the separation, and correct it into living it as myself in self responsible direction and correction.

I commit to stop using words for my own self interest and walk what is here within the practical purpose of words within a universal understanding of all to live and benefit from words in the best way possible.

I commit to end the abuse of others through changing my living behavior through writing self-forgiveness and self commitment statements of the patterns that need change, and living the change necessary to see this through by actually living it and stopping it in my day to day living. I commit to end abuse as myself in this world.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
DIP Lite Free Course with Buddy Support
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


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Day 127- Letting the Past Go – Self Commitment Statements

Here a continuation with self corrective statements from yesterdays blog, Day 126- Let the Past Go.

I commit myself to let go of the memories as they come up, and direct myself to walk here in the physical, in practically stopping my mind through actually stopping my mind through writing and moving in the physical, and not accepting any reactions with what comes up within me as pictures or thoughts based on the past.

I commit myself to let go of all memories of the past when they are here within a reaction, and thus live from breath, moving myself physically when I find I am going into memories, to thus stabilize myself and not participate in reactions based on the what the memory brings up, so thus stopping the memories from directing me and equalizing myself with what is here.

I commit myself to stop taking others reactions towards me personally, and thus walk what is practical as myself in what I am living to thus stop the distractions as separations I create in separating myself from others as well as myself, and walk here as me and correct the points that are not supporting me/life in self honesty.

I commit myself to direct situations that are here in common sense and what is best for all, making decisions in the best common sense assessments I can and directing myself to solutions and support, and stop the separation based on feelings and emotions.

I commit myself to stop abusing myself by stopping the thoughts of polarity as good/bad, and walk the physical as the physical in practical living.

I commit myself to stop the I am a fuck up character, by realizing and thus living the commitment of walking self integrity and self acceptance in who I am, nad thus not accepting and allowing myself to separate myself due to thoughts that come up based on the past, so thus breath through and support myself in the physical.

I commit myself to let go of the memory of me skiing into a picnic bench and thus stop defining life as myself as weak and others strong based on how I perceive how others see me based on this memory of being perceived as being seen as weak thus stopping this point of defining myself by this, so to walk as the physical in equality and out of the mind in separation.

I commit myself to stop taking things personally by stopping defining myself by feelings and emotions, and stand here within as who we are as equals and direct in the best solution for all.

I commit myself to stop bringing the emotions of less then based on the memory of being made fun of, realizing that it was a point of life in where I learnd who I am in terms of facing this point, and thus walk the correction to support life in all areas as I would want support for myself and treat life in equality as what life is in fact as the physical, stopping the abuse of myself by stopping defining myself from the past.

I commit myself to the reeducation of myself as life in living one and equal with all and stopping all points of separation through the mind, to thus stand as a support for the children/beings to come for them to learn and re-educate on what it means to be a life being here in the physical.

I commit myself to stop the definition of age as more or less then me based on stopping the idea that those who are older hold more wisdom in living, and thus live here in practicality in all aspects that are here that will support life, no matter the age it matters who the being is as life.

I commit myself to stop taking criticism personal from others and realize the gift that is within it, to learn and expand within who I am as it as equal understanding to become a better human being in equality with life.

I commit myself to stop the doubt within me due to comparison with others, so thus I commit myself to stop comparison and walk my process in time of expansion and understanding to thus be stable here and direct  myself no matter what is here as self in what is best for all.

I commit to stop the beliefs that older people are more wise and younger people require learning from them, and just live here in breath with equal with what is here in common sense living.

I commit myself to walk self trust by walking self discipline and application to thus realize within living that I am as capable as any other being in this reality and thus what I require to do is walk my process and support myself as life in all ways I am able to.

I commit myself to walk my expression into a natural expression where I breath and live and stop the mind from directing me within thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and so I can direct myself in the physical and live as such in equality and oneness.

I commit myself to stop self abuse as the separation of the mind to be less then who I am capable of being as life in equality and oneness so thus all abuse will stop eventually as i have stopped it within myself, and life will eventually live to it’s fullest potential in all aspects possible.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki



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