My Journey to Life

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Day 121- Disappointment Character- Not Enough Femininity

Within this, I see myself as someone who is not good enough within my look and thus within going into any point of potential relationship, I will within the starting point always diminish myself based on this belief I have that I am not good enough compared to others that are out there, and that I will never be able to match up to other females.

This above, is a portion of the blog Day 119-Disappointment Character – Sexual Prowess, where I will be taken each paragraph and writing out self forgiveness on a multi-blog/day platform, enjoy and thanks for reading.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my physical body and features to another females physical body and features, and go into a judgment of not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my physical body and features to another females physical body and features, and go into a judgment that I am better then the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from females within a constant polarity playout of being more or less, and thus missing the reality here of a group of females together here, and thus instead of judgment, walk equal, and so I can really be here to enjoy the physical with and as the other beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link my physical features and body to my sexuality and thus define myself based on how I have defined my physical in comparison to the other potential partners, and thus see myself able to walk with or not able to walk with based on if I have defined my physical body and features in a equal comparison with the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed within myself if I don't match up to the potential partner I desire, and thus go into depression state based on not getting what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within me to get an ideal partner, where in I will automatically create the depression and disappointed state, as ideals within myself are not able to be lived, as life is here, not in the mind in which ideals are held as ideas created by self based on comparisons and judgments of self as life in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create ideals within life and thus go into a judgment towards self in comparison within this ideal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept my mind as ideals instead of living here in fact in who and how the other being lives and thus how I am living one and equal with the other, in terms of potential partners.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression with another potential partner based on fear that I will be rejected because I don’t compare to the other in physical body or features, and thus will define myself as not as good based on comparing myself to other females body and features and seeing myself less then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by another being based on defining myself and who I am based on the being accepting me or not, and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on the acceptance of another instead of realizing and walking the realization that I will only truly be free when I walk and live the acceptance of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I accept myself and thus who I am within all, I can then walk the process as an equal agreement with another without expectation based on the fact that I am here and I walk what is here, so thus no matter what is here, I am here as myself in acceptance and walk what will be best for all in all ways, and thus I decide what path I walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical body as not good enough and thus go into a point of diminishment towards other females based on this self judgment that I am using to go into ego and make another female less then me to feel better about myself. Here, I realize that life is not defined by more or less feminine, but that female is just female in terms of the gender one is, and thus I stop defining females by degrees of more or less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with other females in trying to match up and thus be better then, where in, I believe I will be able to get the guy I desire because I have defined myself as more then other females, thus I win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with other females in terms of a self judgment I have of not being enough, and thus defined life by something that is not real as beliefs and ideas on how someone should look instead of focusing on what really matters the physical equal and one in all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make being a female a competition, in where I try and win, but realizing that there always has to be a loser in such competitions, thus I always will cycle within the polarity of win/loss, where instead I can just be here, and live equal with others as life, walk an effective agreement with a being assessed by living principles and integrity and stop the illusions of desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live into desires in where I desire to have the perfect male in my life, and thus miss the point of who one is as self, where in I am blinded by desire and walk into an agreement based on illusion instead of physical practical considerations for what’s best for myself and life as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base myself on the mind as illusion instead of here as life as what is best for all in the physical.

Self Corrective Statements to follow.

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disappointment, polarity, female, feminine, femininity, sexuality, partner, agreement, compare looks, rejected, expectations, competition, winner, winning, sports, games, desteni, 2012, eqafe, journey to life.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Day 120- Disappointment Character Breakdown- Part 1 – I AM A Failure

I have found very often I will go into disappointment within myself when I realize that I have fallen in my process or have not lived up to the expectations I put on myself to be lived out, and thus will fuel the mind through this polarity of desiring to be successful in my process and becoming disappointed when I fall.

This above, is a portion of yesterday’s blog Day 119-Disappointment Character – Sexual Prowess, where I will be taken each paragraph and writing out self forgiveness on a multi-blog/day platform, enjoy and thanks for reading.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of disappointment based on a belief that I have failed in process, and thus see myself as not good enough based on this belief that I am a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a belief that when I fall in process, that I am a failure. and that I am less then who I was a moment before based on not being able to stand in all moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within this belief of an expectation of me to be perfect within each and every moment of my process, I realize that it is unrealistic and not using common sense assessment as this idea of perfection in my mind is an illusion of in a point of ego to try and be seen by others as more, as great, as an achiever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto an expectation of being more then who I am, meaning trying to achieve the impossible of perfection, without walking the process of living to be perfect, so thus walking it from my mind where in I am not in reality, but in hope of being more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live into hope of being more then who I am in each breath and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the desire of hope and thus manifest it’s opposite as disappointment based on me being within desires and wants instead of here in physical reality considering the actual steps and dicispline it will take for me to walk in real time to become a being self realized living in self perfection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel the mind through living in polarity of success/failure and hope/disappointment splitting myself from the solution which is myself taking responsibility for these points, and standing within a point of stability by realizing that I am my own direction and will, and so within this point of going into an expectation realizing that it will cause always a disappointment as I am not living for real, but for something outside myself as a want, and thus missing self in breath and missing my opportunity to live the solution which is here as me.

I commit myself to stop this point of focusing on succeeding in process realizing that it will take a process of all sorts of points and re-alignment within who I am, so to realize I can't expect or desire a certain outcome. Thus I commit myself to walking my process in simplicity with the point that is here, breath by breath, until the points end and I am as life here as the physical.

I commit myself to let go of all beliefs within and as me as I realize that beliefs are not fact and thus are not here as life as the physical is fact, thus I focus on the fact of the matter and stop the assumptions of the mind as beliefs as it’s not supportive of what is best for all because it doesn't consider ALL the facts, but focus on illusion.

I commit myself to stop all points of expectation in a desire to be seen as more then others to make myself feel better, thus I commit to walk through this point of ego as desire to be more so thus I can stand as an equal in fact and be trusted with and as life as I would want from others.

I commit myself to stop the desire to be perfect as it’s not real as it’s in the mind, and walk the only perfection that exist, self perfection as life in oneness and equality in what is best for all in all ways here in living breath by breath.

I commit myself to stop living into hope and thus simultaneously activating the opposite polarity of disappointment where in I live into these points, as the act of desire for hope is not real as it’s within a point of separation to do something in the future, when I realize I am here and thus I live here in every breath in what I can do for what is best for all always. There is no hope needed thus no disappointment created to live here in breath and do what is best for life.

fail, failure, I am a failure, disappointment, parents disapprove, expectation, desire to be perfect, perfect girl, self perfection, success story, life process, desteni, journey to life, 2012, eqafe,

Monday, September 3, 2012

Day 119- Disappointment Character – Sexual Prowess

Here I see that I am playing into the personality suit quite well and sabotaging myself by living into this mind illusional point because within reality disappointment is not real nor beneficial, when I go into disappointment, I go into a point of depression within myself and seeing myself as a failure. But realizing, after discussing this with Bernard, that within life and within process, we will fall multiple times. I mean it’s really common sense, such as riding a bike, you don’t expect to in the first try be able to get on the bike and just ride it, it’ll take practice, hard work, dedication, discipline, and all the points that make one an effective being in a physical task, so same with walking through the mind, I have to start living this realization that I am not going to be perfect, and that this perfection is not beneficial nor even at all realistic, so it’s to walk this within my world, and stop going into the disappointment character when I see that I have fallen within a point.

Looking at this point more specifically because as I was typing I was getting a pain within my leg in the inside, and this is linked to my sexuality as the point of pain was on that tendon that goes right up to the pubic area, so looking at this point of being disappointed within my sexuality and who I am within getting sex. Within this, I see myself as someone who is not good enough within my look and thus within going into any point of potential relationship, I will within the starting point always diminish myself based on this belief I have that I am not good enough compared to others that are out there, and that I will never be able to match up to other females. So being disappointed with myself as a female and within sexual relations with others, I always see myself at a disadvantage, as less then, not good enough, and never being able to live up to this idea that I will be enough for a man, so thus settling for less always then who I am as real life expression here, my full potential.

So this is a primary point within my life that I sabotage myself with, and within this there are memories that I am holding onto, that when a potential partner comes into the picture, I will scan through the memories and remember that I was rejected, I was called names, I was fucked over, and they all have a common denominator, that being that they all revolve around me falling. So whenever I meet someone, I will always use these memories to hold myself in place and not ever just go for it, and be myself in acceptance in not having any expectation, letting myself just enjoy myself with another and just live, but always within these meetings with the opposite sex, there is always an underlying disappointment lingering because I have already failed within my mind, so activating and living into the disappointment and depression that I can never be satisfied, but realizing now as I walk my process, I am doing this to myself.

So In my next post, I will walk self forgiveness and self correction on these points.

disappointment, self delusion, sex, flirt, sexual identity, sexuality, sexy women, relationships, partner, rejection, desteni, equal life, journey to life, change the world, team life, 2012, eqafe

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Day 118- Blame Character Self Commitment Statements

I commit myself to take responsibility for all blame that comes up within me towards, another always bringing it back to myself, and walking the point of correction by facing the reaction in stopping it or directing the point to greater clarity and solution within common sense reasoning.

I commit myself to walk the point of self responsibility when a point of blame comes up within me towards another, by accessing what triggered the reaction of ‘wanting’ to go into blame, and thus direct the point to stop the blame byt not participating in the emotions and breathing through the reactions realizing that it is myself that is creating this reaction thus I am the point of stopping it by stopping the blame.

I commit myself to face myself within the point that brought up a desire to blame as I separated myself from the being and thus seek to regain my standing within ego within my own self interest to be more, thus I stop the point of ego and seeking to be more in self interest, and walk as equals with others in living here in actual equality within others directing myself in the physical instead of separating myself in the mind.

I commit myself to stop all blame on another for the reactions I had which the other triggered within me, thus stopping separation in blame, bringing the point back to myself and seeing what it is that I am not accept of myself and change the point to align with life in equality, I realize I am creating this for myself thus I can stop it.

I commit myself to stop using my mind as a point of self interest where in I will battle with others and make myself the winner, instead I commit to walk the process in the physical, where in I direct the point within myself or with others to resolve what triggered the blame and stop using the mind as the ego to be more.

I commit myself to stop diminishing other’s in my secret mind in blame and anger, and thus walk within the physical to stop the reactions and back chat thoughts, and deal with the situation in common sense.

I commit myself to stop fear of speaking up to others and thus stop taking points personally as this is the mind, and thus I walk what is here as the physical to a point that can be lived by all as self.

I commit myself to stop polarities of seeing myself inferior to others, and walk as an equal, where in I take responsibility for myself and direct myself to what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop the blame character for my own self interest gain to be more and gain a positive feeling as winning, I commit to stop the desire to win and gian positive feelings for myself as I realize feelings are real life and they only separate self from what is here in reality.

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blame, character, play, act, responsibility, deadhead, no direction, no life, secret mind, no integrity, lie, cheat, steal, desteni, eqafe, 2012, equal life,

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Day 117- Blame Character

Here looking at the blame character that I use to justify my actions of abuse and inconsideration for another based on the fact that I can point fingers and name call, which I do within my own mind, to manipulate the situation for myself to be right and thus make the other the problem. In an interview today I listened to by Anu, he was discussing about how that we are never in fact actually are hearing and living in physical reality, but we are perceiving and interpreting physical reality through our own beliefs, ideas, assumptions, emotions, feelings, none being real as it’s not physical in fact, and thus instead of going and discussing the point with another to get the facts, I, as an example, will go into a point of blame on another to not have to face myself and change. Within this, I use the blame character to make it, essentially, easier for myself to stay in self interest, not face myself as the creator of this character and the reactions that fueled this character, and not have to change. So this point of using the mind to become the self righteous one and bloat my ego, I cause physical harm to my body and spin myself more into my mind in delusion and self victimization.

I will walk self forgiveness here on the blame character, here I go…..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I point a finger and go into blame towards another being, this instantly is a red flag to take note of and not participate in, as I realize and see that I am here within all that I am creating thus I must take responsibility for myself and change the point of blame to be a point of understanding where in I go into the facts of the matter by discussion or seeing what is here, to resolve the issue that caused the reaction in the first place and stop the separation as this is causing abuse to life that is not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I go into a point of blame I only access my mind where in I want to be right and make another wrong to make myself be more then this being I am blaming, because within me I had reacted to the being in a way where I felt threatened or uncomfortable, so thus I react in fear instead of self honesty in stopping the reactions from directing me through bringing the point that I reacted to back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I go into blame towards another I am not within the physical reality of what is here in fact, but go into my mind dimension of interpretation and thus self interest, as blame indict that I desire to have my self interest validated, and thus I will use others to achieve this goal so I don’t have to change, but validating my ego in trying to be seen as more and thus diminishing my self integrity as I am not here as life in integrity, but only diminishing myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for myself when I see the reactions come up of another and go into the mind and blame them for the reactions that I felt, but within this I realize that I am the one who is having the reactions thus I am the one creating these reactions, so I must stop these reactions from directing me so thus I can take responsibility for them and direct them within a point of stopping them and going into the physical within the situation to come to a resolution for real with others rather then foster it and accumulate it in my mind within my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mind as a personal battle field where in I will go to battle with those that I am blaming as such were in I will yell and take out my anger in a mind reality as my secret mind and always making them the person who is ‘wrong’ to thus get out my frustration and anger for not speaking up and changing the abuse towards me or confronting it, but instead diminished the other because I wanted to be the winner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish another that I am blaming within my mind so I can be the winner and have the power back based on me being always the winner within these mind battles, where I use illusion as assumptions and rough estimations of what I ‘think’ happened and why, instead of stopping the mind, and walking within the physical by stopping the reactions, to see what is really here as the facts, and sort out the situation in common sense and what will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up in front of others and facing other within conflict as I see that I allow fear to direct me, and within that I don’t stop the abuse towards me or I take it personally, in where I will react, and not direct the situation in common sense and to a resolution that will be able to be lived with by all, stopping taking thins personally and stopping fear is what I realized I must walk to correct this point of facing conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others within a point of blame to make myself feel better and more then because within that moment that I went into blame towards another I judged myself as being less then form a point of polarity that I defined myself by and saw another judged me as, but within reality not understanding or seeing the full scope or perspective of another in fact nor realized all the facts, so thus realizing to stop the mind as me from directing the point as blame to stop and face the situation and direct it as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within a polarity of points where in I am one but not the other, and thus see myself as either good or bad, where I cause a complete separation of me here within my physical body, thus I stop as I realize that thought as good or bad is not real, I am real here as the physical and thus walking here as the physical is all that matters in equality with others, using common sense as a basis for solution and conflict resolution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself from this point of separation as seeking the positivity, I will dishonor and degrade another within my mind and eventually in living as, what you think – you are, and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the blame character to not take responsibility for this action of thought and eventual deed to gain a self interested positive feeling for myself while abusing another based on assumptions and illusionary reactions, so it’s to stop the thoughts as reactions, and walk through them to thus see what is here as the physical beyond the mind, and breath, and do what best for the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life for my own self interest and accepted and allowed the blame character to direct me within this life as myself where in I am not here in fact, but in the mind as the separation that exist within and without, and so I realize to correct this point I must change my living as starting point where in I live from the physical as fact, and breath through the moments that I face reaction realizing seeing and understanding this is the mind as energy and thus I must let them go by stopping the participation in them.

Self commitment statements for the Blame Character to follow tomorrow….thanks.

blame, blaming you, it wasn't me, no responsibility, assumptions, reactions, emotions, feelings, anger, fear, wrongly accused, equal life, desteni, eqafe, 2012, journey to life,