Balancing the Yin and the Yang of Self - My Process - Day 593

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For me the expression of the yin and yang is the 'masculine' and 'feminine' expression of ourselves, this most would have a picture pop up of a male human being, maybe in a uniform or a business suit representing the 'masculine' word and for the 'feminine' word represented by a beautiful women in a sultry dress and ready for the town. And for me for many many years, this also was how I saw the words yin/yang, male/female, basic static pictures in my head.

Though once one start the process with self-forgiveness and living change that is best for all in self-honesty, which is the desten-i-process, one eventually will come to realize and see more within and as these natures, expressions, and living words of the masculine and feminine. So for me, I have realized these words are not just words but can be moved into expressions of oneself in a way of living in a new or refreshed way for instance. Like for me, I never much categorized myself as a feminine woman, yes I am a woman, but I did not see me as this picture in my mind of this beautiful, sultry woman and thus I believed then I am not a feminine woman. So it was an idea created in my mind of what I had to do to be a feminine women instead of understanding and realizing that it is not a picture i have to become to be feminine, but a way of existing, being that can incorporate the strengths and expression of the feminine design within this world and existence.

I found the masculine expression is similar to a blueprint or infrastructure, holding the placement for the feminine expression to merge and join in as the movement and flow of the creative expression that colors the blueprint infrastructure with creative ability. Through this with the support of each one holding the balance of who they are within and without, one get a balance of the expressions in a cohesive and ever-expanding way to give life and receive it equal and one.

I found within my own process, I as a female within my reality had to step up within myself in confidence, creative skill, stability, reason, logic, and truth and meet the male counterpart within me and within my reality on a balance equal level, where the male within this equation has to become humble to meet the female on an equal balance level, where he is able to interact and receive the creative expression of the female in her movements and flow.

So there is a meeting in the middle so to speak I have found within my own self as the masculine and feminine within me, the 'ego' of the mind/masculine within and the 'suppressed' expression of my own self worth and self-respect, and redefining and living my own self-expression within these two expressions, I have found I was able to come to a balanced medium within my living reality. Where now I am able to move from one to the other with ease and express or become stable in moments where I see fit to walk as such, so stepping up as the feminine expression within me as my passions, my expressions in living words, my flow as a river of life into the extended lands of the masculine structure and support networks to be creative and see and live with and as my creation in wonder and awe. And be a plus one as the building and leader of the future to come for all in what is best, standing more in the masculine expression as blueprint, planning, and building the 'new' world we would like to live in and have our children live in. The balance of the inner dance of the yin and yang, silenced in-breath and lived in what is best for all through one's self-responsible expression. 

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Day 121- Disappointment Character- Not Enough Femininity

Within this, I see myself as someone who is not good enough within my look and thus within going into any point of potential relationship, I will within the starting point always diminish myself based on this belief I have that I am not good enough compared to others that are out there, and that I will never be able to match up to other females.

This above, is a portion of the blog Day 119-Disappointment Character – Sexual Prowess, where I will be taken each paragraph and writing out self forgiveness on a multi-blog/day platform, enjoy and thanks for reading.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my physical body and features to another females physical body and features, and go into a judgment of not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my physical body and features to another females physical body and features, and go into a judgment that I am better then the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from females within a constant polarity playout of being more or less, and thus missing the reality here of a group of females together here, and thus instead of judgment, walk equal, and so I can really be here to enjoy the physical with and as the other beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link my physical features and body to my sexuality and thus define myself based on how I have defined my physical in comparison to the other potential partners, and thus see myself able to walk with or not able to walk with based on if I have defined my physical body and features in a equal comparison with the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed within myself if I don't match up to the potential partner I desire, and thus go into depression state based on not getting what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within me to get an ideal partner, where in I will automatically create the depression and disappointed state, as ideals within myself are not able to be lived, as life is here, not in the mind in which ideals are held as ideas created by self based on comparisons and judgments of self as life in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create ideals within life and thus go into a judgment towards self in comparison within this ideal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept my mind as ideals instead of living here in fact in who and how the other being lives and thus how I am living one and equal with the other, in terms of potential partners.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression with another potential partner based on fear that I will be rejected because I don’t compare to the other in physical body or features, and thus will define myself as not as good based on comparing myself to other females body and features and seeing myself less then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by another being based on defining myself and who I am based on the being accepting me or not, and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on the acceptance of another instead of realizing and walking the realization that I will only truly be free when I walk and live the acceptance of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I accept myself and thus who I am within all, I can then walk the process as an equal agreement with another without expectation based on the fact that I am here and I walk what is here, so thus no matter what is here, I am here as myself in acceptance and walk what will be best for all in all ways, and thus I decide what path I walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical body as not good enough and thus go into a point of diminishment towards other females based on this self judgment that I am using to go into ego and make another female less then me to feel better about myself. Here, I realize that life is not defined by more or less feminine, but that female is just female in terms of the gender one is, and thus I stop defining females by degrees of more or less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with other females in trying to match up and thus be better then, where in, I believe I will be able to get the guy I desire because I have defined myself as more then other females, thus I win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with other females in terms of a self judgment I have of not being enough, and thus defined life by something that is not real as beliefs and ideas on how someone should look instead of focusing on what really matters the physical equal and one in all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make being a female a competition, in where I try and win, but realizing that there always has to be a loser in such competitions, thus I always will cycle within the polarity of win/loss, where instead I can just be here, and live equal with others as life, walk an effective agreement with a being assessed by living principles and integrity and stop the illusions of desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live into desires in where I desire to have the perfect male in my life, and thus miss the point of who one is as self, where in I am blinded by desire and walk into an agreement based on illusion instead of physical practical considerations for what’s best for myself and life as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base myself on the mind as illusion instead of here as life as what is best for all in the physical. 

Self Corrective Statements to follow.

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disappointment, polarity, female, feminine, femininity, sexuality, partner, agreement, compare looks, rejected, expectations, competition, winner, winning, sports, games, desteni, 2012, eqafe, journey to life.

Day 74- Being a Women

Looking at this point for myself where I have identified myself as a Women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to identify myself as a women and within this identification bring up a picture in my head of a picture of my mom whom I compare myself to as a women. I realize and see that to be a women is not to be a picture of a mother figure as that is not all that I am as a women.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to identify the women in this world only by care taking and having children where they are needed to perform this task and thus need to dedicate their lives to raise kids and take care of the families. I realize and see that women in this world are not exclusively the care takers of the children and realize thus it takes a village to raise a child meaning that all beings within the vicinity of children and in children's day to day living should take responsibility to care and 'guide' the child equal and one to how I would have wanted to be cared and guided during that age and thus regardless of who bore the child it is all life's responsibility to take care of the young and guide them to life in equality and oneness with other life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself define women to only being in the house with the family while the male works to bring in the finances as if this is the only way of living here and thus I have accepted this as who we are as I allow it to continue to exist in this world. I realize and see within equality as principle of life within our system of living there can be created a more equilibrium between child bearing and not compromising the life of the women's expression nor the child's expression, where life will be supported in all facets of the child and women's life and thus the best opportunity for all to be free and also be cared for is sustainable in a system that treats life in equality. Within realizing this point it is for me as a human being to support all life here in ways where life in equality for all can be established by supporting all life in the process of walking and implementing an equal money system.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within defining myself as a women within an idea in my head of what I shall expect myself as a women in this world to be seen as someone who needs to take care of children and be the keeper of the house while a man takes care of all the finances leaving the women in a trap of dependency on a male when this can be taken advantage of and abused by the male. I realize and see that giving the man the power to have all access to finances is not standing equal within the partnership as the children should not be wholey based on the female raising the child but should be done in equality within both parents, and thus within this both stand within bringing finances into the house and taking care of the children until equality is reached as otherwise the financial point can cause abuse for many beings and thus cause the female to be abused in many ways sexually, verbally, and physically.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within defining myself as a female have an idea that I can use this point of being female as a way to getting out of having to stand equal and one to the male and thus become the submissive, fragile point within the partnership where I can use childbearing as an excuse not to push myself within my expression and submit to the life of a taking care of the kids and thus live off of the mans earnings. I realize and see within giving my power away in this instance where I do it willingly as I am not willing to stand equal to the man in this world system in walking the point to stand in all having opportunity for equal expression, thus I will have to stop submitting to the easy way out 'so to speak' and stand equal to the male as the male will stand equal to the female in raising children.

I commit myself to create myself within a way in my partnerships where I am an equal participant and don't use any point to take advantage were I desire to have an easier time or allow myself to be abused, but walk one and equal with the man in whatever I desire in my expression but not submitting to the mind as only ideas of only being a mother or a housewife as labels that this is all I can be once I get married and have a child.

I commit myself to stop the abuse within myself as my partnership where I stand equal and one to making the finances work within the relationship where I share the responsibilities as I also walk with my partner to help share the responsibilities of the care and guidance of the children and stop the roles of 'mothers do this' and 'fathers do that', but I walk as equals with all in in all parts of my world.

I commit to creating a equal money system so thus all can stand equal in fact in all areas of life, where all are able and have the freedom to walk in equilibrium with all within their world, and no restrictions are here in terms of money strain or lack of education, but all stand and walk the path to become equal and one with all life in this world which the equal money system will facilitate and guarantee if all will themselves to see and live the truth of the principles of this system which is living equal and one to all life as self.



motherly care, childbearing, child care, marriage conflicts, partnership, equality, equal money, desteni, journeytolife, blogs

Day 73- What Does it mean to be a Female? Is it different from a Male?

So here opening up the dimensions of this point within myself of being a female, what does this imply for myself and how have I existed within my life towards the fact that I am female?

I will start back when I was a child, and my earliest memories of myself was being a young kid were I never identified myself with being female, I remember thinking that it was not fun being a girl because of what toys they were designated to play with and what they did. In terms of being a little girl, the toys that are designated as 'female' are the dolls, tea sets, dressing up, wearing make up, ect. and for me I wanted absolutely none of that. I remember really getting annoyed with my mom in the mornings when she would try and put my hair up in braids or something, and I would say no, I want my hair short and not touched. I didn't like the whole tied up look and the pulling of the hair with the brush, it hurt and was unnecessary as it would just get in my face. So I looked at being a human being as a child in more practical terms based on my desires to not be bothered with looking 'pretty'. (This early years like 5-8 yrs. old)

In terms of play, I didn't identify with any of the girl toys, and always desired to be outside in the woods or in the fields playing sports or climbing trees, going on some sort of adventure with my friends around the neighborhood, but never did I want to sit inside and play dress up and put make up on or play with dolls.

I see within this point for myself that it is fine for a child to play whatever it is the child want to play in terms of their expression, but based on society norms and how the adults for instance pushed to be more girly and be more feminine, I became self conscious of myself in seeing why is it that I am not girly? What is not being girly mean when I am a girl? Was I suppose to be a boy, and I a boy trapped in a girls body? I often thought this because I was much more interested in playing with boys, doing boyish stuff, and be seen equal with the boys based, but within society and with others older then me, I was getting you have to act more girly, you have to wear dresses and tights, and be like your sisters. So who I was within myself was being conficted with the reality of where I was living, and thus within me started to question who I was and why I was the way I was based on this point of being a girl but not 'acting' like one.

I will do self forgiveness on this point of identifying self as male or female, when in reality, there is no separation in terms of what is 'feminine' to do and what is 'masculine' to do. One should be able to be free to do and express in whatever it is they feel they would like to. Obviously, there is points where females and males are more 'naturally' inclined to do and stand within responsibility within this world, but this is not mutually exclusive and never should be. There are exceptions like breast feeding, obviously, that will only be done by females in this existence, but other then this, life should have no gender classification nor gender roles.

When we start putting labels on things, it becomes something different and more complex then what it is here in just walking in each breath and expressing in the moment in what has to be done. For instance, a male is at home with his daughter. The female who is the mother of the child is at work, the male in this role would need to stand in as the nurturer, to support, assist, and care for the child in absolute specificity as the mother is 'naturally' inclined to do so as this has been the 'mothers' role in society forever. But what does that say about the male, does he not have the same capacity and abilities to nurture and support the child in care then the female, but when one ask a person who is the one who take care of the children, 9 out of 10 will say the female. This I can see why this has been pushed in such a way based on the female bearing the child, but to consider that the father is equal and one in the creation of the child and thus should stand equal and one in raising and caring in all facets for the child as either way it must be done, so why put labels on what we do? Thus it's the labels and divides of gender roles that cause unnecessary separation that is based on our ideas, beliefs, and traditions over time and if one investigate - allot of these points stand in place due to mind dimensions such as ego, desires, and fears we as humanity has accepted and allowed and thus has manifested the state of the world today, were we see a gender divide and disrespect. So within the next blogs to come will be looking at the dynamic of men and women and how we have separated ourselves based on these labels we have defined ourselves by based on the difference of our body design, and putting my personal mind dimensions in to it to work with the forgiveness to stop my separations in this matter as well for myself.


male, female, men vs. women, gender roles, gender divide, gender wars, mothers, fathers, equality, equal life, equal money, journey to life, desteni, 2012, garbrielle