Day 299 – Self Judgment – Comparisons – Money Memories
“my cousins always got really cool nice cars, like the new fancy ones, that I desired for us to have, we always had the old used cars and never anything fancy and new. If we did get one fairly new, it was always a year or two old. I resented my parents for this because they didn’t really care to pay that much for a car, and I wanted one that was new and cool to impress others and show that we had a lot of money.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I was and the people around me and who I interacted with in my environment based on what they had, specifically within this Memory based on what car they had.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the car with the symbol of wealth and status of a person, and one that I have defined as new and cool through the symbol representation on the car, I define the person in this same definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then define and treat the other within the limitationthat I had defined them within as a polarity within myself as either inferior to me or superior to me based on what symbol they rode around in and I had to compete with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of awe with people that had really high status symbols of cars such as mercedes or bmw and thus see these people as more then me, and thus imagine how awesome there life was and how lame mine was cause I was not able to have the money to buy all these nice things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an imagination within my mind about peoples lives based on the material things they had and thus see them as a point of awe and desire to be like them if they had an expensive and high status symbol car or if they had a less expensive and run down, less status car, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others based on what someone drove around in as if this defines a totality of a being and in fact has any relevance to who they are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then create resentment and anger towards my parents because they always bought cars where I could not impress those who I desired to be and thus be around as the more wealthier people, and thus created this point judgment towards my parents because I wanted money to make me happier and buy things I desired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about money and what I could buy as I was addicted to becoming entertained and did not care about much but this.
When and as I see myself go into a point of Comparison and desire for a certain symbol or brand of something, I stop and breath, and realize that I am access a point of ego and self interest, and this is a flag point for me to stop my participation in what I am doing, and check myself to see my starting point. And thus I realize I have to change myself and my starting point to stand for what is best for all and what is real, and stop all the mind points of comparison, judgment, and desire as these are not real and cause separation with the life that is here equal to me.
I commit myself to when I see I go into a point of desire for a material thing, breath and focus on the point of the physical, what I am accepting and change in that moment to live what is best for all involved.
I commit myself to walk the point of seeing the physical for what it is and living within common sense and simplistically in what it is I require to live until an equal money system has been created where life and the system of life is fair and equal for all.
I commit myself to let go of the memories of desires for nice things such as cars and live within a point of self movement, living from the physical in what is practical and something that makes sense, not pushing for afeeling but living from reality.
I commit myself to stop the points of imagination through focusing on my breathing and bringing myself back to awareness through the breath as myself as I move myself within my body. Until I am clear and able to in a moment stop this point of imagination and thinking within self direction.
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