Impatiences: Enough is Enough, Steps to Change - Day 464

When I first wake up in the morning, this is a exceptional time to direct myself within the day I will live moving forward, I tend to go into my mind in these times and judge myself, especially when I am in the mirror getting ready. I find this will then lead into my day where I will go into my mind and create scenarios about others and how they are treating me, distracting myself from how I am in fact creating what I am experiencing and so then not taking responsibility for myself to change, which causes this scenario to continue to occur over and over again.

One of the outflow consequences of this I am experiencing within myself and within my world is impatience’s. I am quite astonished at how repetitive my world is and how much I go into blame and distraction toward others, when I have not once until recently looked within myself, taken responsibility for myself, and so change and correct that which does not work. I also find that this impatience towards others creates a lot of strain within the relationships I am involved in which causes stress and anxiety, so allowing this to continue and perpetuate is causing unnecessary strain within myself and so within those I am causing consequence with.

I am going to write out the self forgiveness and self correction here to let go of the scenario I wrote out about, and correct this point to be best for myself and so best for those whom I interact with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the mornings when I wake up go into my mind and criticize the way I look and compare myself to pictures in my mind of what I should look like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in a way that separates me from the existence that is here where we all exist in a form of individuality through our physical though exist as life one and equal within all as the physical that exists within all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind within the belief that I am not attractive and that I have no purpose if I am not perfect within the way I look toward others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unattractive because I have judged my eyes and my face based on memories of boys judging my eyes and face specifically as less then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on memories in my mind through a time within my life where it is not certain what were the specific events and what the boys where going through within themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by external factors where I see myself in a specific way according to what is being done onto me or said onto me, when in reality I am not clear in what is behind what is being said and why as well as can’t really know directly why it is being done to me, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by others and who they are at that time as I see, realize, and understand that others are also walking their process as a mind and don’t consider me as an equal and so can harm me or speak to me in ways that are not best for all and I realize this is not who they are nor myself, and with this awareness I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the energy of emotions and not stand as a support for others to show as an example what it means to stand through emotion and stand as a life support through not accepting what others say or do and so direct self within how one see is best for all and will create a solution for what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into emotion rather then stand within the principle of what is best and walking what is here as self support and self honesty, correcting that which is not best, and standing within the resistance to continue as it is comfortable to stay in and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into emotion and not breath and move through this find solutions for these moments where I stand in the face of challenges and find solutions as I see, realize, and understand I am capable as I am able to walk common sense through stopping the mind from moving fast and falling into the energy that will create distractions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for when I see, realize, and understand I am not standing within my utmost potential and push myself beyond my perceived limitations to walk what is necessary to be walked in the time to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take full responsibility for what I have created here and so blame others and become emotional with others to distract from the fact that I am not standing and moving myself in the way I realize I am able to.

When and as I see I am moving in the morning within a suppression and an energy of self abuse, I stop and breath, and let go of these thoughts by doing self forgiveness and self commitments as I realize these will only create a heaviness within me and a point of self compromise as I accept these thoughts as real and so direct myself from my mind rather then my self living here in self acceptance and self direction in self honesty and common sense.

When and as I see I am going into a point where I am blaming another for something that I am experiencing within myself, I stop and breath, and realize that I am not taking responsibility in that moment to stop what I am creating as separation and abuse, and find the correction process to move into a point of self stability as well as self change that brings about solutions that is best for all.

I commit myself to in the mornings when I wake up, breath and breath until I am here and walk self forgiveness for any points that are cycling.

I commit myself to accept myself in the mirror and do any self forgiveness to any memories or pictures that come up to distract me and take me away from here.

I commit myself to move into self acceptance as well as accepting others for how they are and find solutions that are best in the moment to solve issues rather then reacting and creating emotional issues with others.

I commit myself to apply myself in real time self change to become stable in moments that I see I have a choice to go into the mind or be stable, I commit and move into stability in these moments through pushing myself to be stable and using the tools of self change to remain here, present, and creating solutions for what is here to do what is best for all.

Interview to check out on the topic of impatience:
Impatience - Reptilians - Part 225

Check Out these Awesome supportive sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Impatience: How does Self Abuse Relate? Day 463

Impatience for me has been something that has been with me for a long time, I have always been frustrated with this point within myself and with my life because it seems that there is something off about why I am experiencing myself in such a way and why my reality is also experiencing themselves in this way. Obviously now, I realize it is based on the mind generating energy, though when I was young, I expressed the frustration usually in yelling or violence. I did not realize that stopping my thoughts about something willingly also support with stopping the emotions like impatience, and so makes me more stable and able to solve problems productively rather then creating more and more conflict. This understanding certainly supports with the process of changing this point from controlling me to directing me within it.

I listened to Anu tonight in regards to this point, so I do have some greater perspective on what impatience means within the mind/physical/beingness relationship inside self, so that is a cool foundation point, which I will continue to utilize as I continue to walk this point with more depth and specificity. This a side note : )

So in terms of this interview, what was discussed is how impatience is a form of automation within us that was preprogrammed into the mind to create a separation from self and the physical. So within myself what am I doing in my day to day living that is causing this separation between what I am living here and when I go into impatient? One point I was looking at was the trigger points of some of this impatient reactions I go into with my partner or with people at work, and I see initially there is a thought that comes up that I judge myself, such as I look ugly today or I am not feeling pretty, because in the morning I had a thought that I was looking tired. From here, I came into work with this thought and so when someone would create a movement that I perceived that they were judging me I would go into my mind and react, and then create an impatience with that person not because of anything they did, but because I wanted to distract myself from the fact that I am feeling uncomfortable around them based on my perception of feeling like I am being judged.

When in reality, I judged myself initially in the beginning of the day and created the experience that others are judging me, and then go into a reaction of impatience and create abuse as my outflow with people, when what really happened is that I reacted to my own judgment in the morning, which trigger my experience for the day that I followed of ‘feeling tired, and so ugly’. I am creating this whole scenario myself and blaming/projecting on others something that they are not doing and further, I have no reference to where they are at within themselves. And so creating this scernerio of becoming impatient, annoyed, and the outflow usually quick, frustrated, or rude to others is deliberate and unacceptable as I creating it this way when it doesn’t have to be.

So I am noticing that my outflows of impatience in one dimension is based on self judgments I hold of myself such as ‘I am ugly today’ as a backchat thought, and then any sign of being dismissed or any negative perception I accept within myself of what others are doing/insinuating/saying to me, I use impatience as a defense and protection mechanism to push people away and become the authority of the situation. Here I have power and I squash others before they have the chance to judge me as how I have judge myself, I am afraid of being judged as how I have judged myself. It’s a self perpetuating cycle of self abuse I am creating and so abusing others around me because I am judging myself initially, blaming others for the way I am experiencing myself around them, and then abusing them because I am afraid to face the fact that I am doing this to myself, and so ultimately resisting the change process this will take to stop and live as an equal with others, let go of my self judgments, and stop allowing this cycle of energy addiction to continue.

Well not any longer will I accept and allow this playout to continue, I am going to next write the self forgiveness and correction process to be lived in my next blog and then further open up more dimensions to this point of impatience in later blogs, thanks for reading.

Interview to check out on the topic of impatience:

Impatience - Reptilians - Part 225

Check Out these Awesome supportive sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Have you Ever Felt Awkward? - Day 453

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Looking at this word, I have been noticing this coming up more and more with interactions I am experiencing during my day, it’s more in relation to new people or people I am acquainted with and so it’s in relation to people and how I experience myself around people I don’t really know. I have realized that based on the definition of the word awkward which states “lacking skill or dexterity, lacking grace or ease of movement, lacking social graces or manners”, I can relate to each of these definitions within the fear of being seen in this way and also within the opposite polarity where I desired to have all these things, so from a systematic perspective, I am creating this cycle to feed into one another and keep each alive. These are just purely mind based where I will judge different words or gestures or thoughts I have as truth of who I am and so remember this and judging myself again in similar moments. So it’s really a cycle of abuse because when I slow down and actually become aware of what I am doing/saying, I am more alert and more effective within who I am.

So this is showing me that awkward experience within myself accompanied by an experience of feeling frozen or constricted in my expression, I am showing to myself when I am in a point of desiring to be something in my reality like effective or considerate, but I am not actually living it because if I was expressing myself, I would be alert and moving naturally and so the experience of awkward would not be something I would be experiencing.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this awkward experience inside myself as a judgment against me like I am not good enough in that environment or that I am lacking in some way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief about myself when I go into a room and that everyone within the room will see I am awkward and so judge me as this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as awkward from others and so within this create the experience of awkward within me cause in some way I have judged myself as less then and so create this as the who I am in this moment as that is what I am thinking about, how I am being judged by others as awkward when i am actually doing it to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I experience this emotional experience within me accompanied with the experience of awkwardness as a draining feeling of energy and feeling like I am deflated that this is in fact the acceptance of myself as this belief and as less then and so I am showing to myself in this moment by living it out with this emotional energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within a point of seeing this life of mine as a harsh world and that no one will ever care to stop and understand and get to know me so I will just be awkward and not have to face/deal with others whom I don’t care to get to know either.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in fact not care about others enough to walk with them and support them unconditionally and so I use the word awkward and the experience of myself within that as ‘drab’ ‘low’ and ‘not able to express’ as a way to categorize certain people I don’t want to get to know and use this experience to not have to face others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as less then me or more then me and so not want to face them as well as myself when i accept and allow the awkward experience to take over. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the experience of awkward where I don’t have to move myself beyond my limitations and express myself outside my comfort zone and beyond the experience I am having of feeling low and less then, but can stay in it where i am comfortable as i have done this plenty of times before.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become awkward in the sense of diminishing myself within the environment and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not yet stand within courage as a steadfast within who i am as i practice living this more and more through this desire to be awkward and so hide.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide in fear rather then face the fear as face myself with others and walk the process of expansion and growth of self as i face and learn who i am. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use awkward as a means to not have to face myself with other people I found strange, odd, weird, and not wanting to see where I stand with them because I fear being all these words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as odd, weird, strange, and not facing myself within these experiences to see who I am and where I stand within myself so I can learn and grow to be a better version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself in a way separate to what is here and voice myself in ways that is not supportive in what is best for all and so myself.

I commit myself to move myself beyond my fears of facing myself nad who I am to stand within these moments and find out where I stand so I can learn and expand to be better/best.

I commit myself to see the experience of ‘low’ ‘drabb’ and ‘not expressive’ as a flagg point where I am moving to self compromise and so I commit myself to find the point I am avoiding and not wanting to face.

I commit myself to face myself in fear and what I am not comfortable in and move to solutions with myself and others in the environment so we can know each other and live as equals.

I commit myself to create myself as an equal within living environments to stand as myself in what is best for all.

So a redefinition of awkward process walking is where I desire a push within myself to move beyond the energy experiences and the thoughts of self judgment and find a common ground with my environment and the people in it, and come to a equality within me toward them.

Awkward as a direct definition is where I am requiring adjustment and specificity within my application to facilitate growth and expansion, there is something I am not facing and trying to avoid so I find solutions.

Check Out these Awesome and Life Supporting sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Self Correction - Day 452

Photo By: Marlen Del Vargas Razo

Link to First part of blog series: 
Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Day 445

This also has developed into many forms of reactions within myself towards others in my day to day living, so the feeling of being chased is the experience I am doing to myself of not facing myself in my own reality. Allowing these fears and beliefs about who I am chase me around day in and day out, allowing projections to direct me, allowing energy to overtake me, and not standing within these moments and saying no to here no further, and walking the process to face myself and stop. So I have just been allowing myself to torture myself into this cat and mouse game of waiting for the next judgment, waiting for the next energy burst of emotion, and waiting for the next bout of depression because I believe I am being harmed by others and people are out to get me. When all the while I have been harming myself and chasing myself into a circle of self compromise through judging myself. Time to stop this once and for all, and forgive myself and release myself from this nightmare scenario. 

Looking at the above from my previous blog about being chased in a reoccurring nightmare I have been having over the course of my adult life, and within writing the point out, I found that this was inevitably due to the fact that I am not becoming disciplined within my living application to the potential that I know I am able to be. I have allowed this point of fear of others judging me direct me and distract me from the fact that within my own life, I am sitting and walking the same patterns I am accusing others to do. I am not standing in full self honesty within who I am being within my reality and standing within the potential that I know I am capable of living, which is stopping the reactions to what others are living/acting within my reality and taking what I perceive through my mind as a personal attack or harm done onto me to a point where I am not moved by walking the pattern out in self discipline and self change to direct myself in these moments in what is best.

So in essence I did come to the point above that I can not blame or create a fear of others within a point of becoming a victim to my reality because within myself I am seeing how I am creating it, in my mind, in my thoughts, in my backchat, and in the moments where I allow energy possessions and not stand within myself in a way I am satisfied with that is stable and I am able to direct myself and the situation/environment into solutions in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take responsibility for myself in all ways in all forms I participate within and as, as I realize that living in a form of blaming others for how I am experiencing myself is not real nor fact as I am doing equal to what others are walking that I am accusing them for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the experience within myself because within this I then don’t have to face the fact and myself within my own body and realize that this I am equally responsible if not more so to stop what is being created as energy possessions and stand within myself in ways that is self honest and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat specifically targeting others and their flaws and replay them in my mind so I can use this as a point of distraction for myself in the time that I see where I am able to take responsibility, but not willing to in that moment to stand and walk it into a living application of myself because of not wanting to be disciplined and push myself beyond my accepted limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the limitations of momentary indulgences in points in my reality that is imbalanced and creates a consequence that is not best for all, but in ways is showing who I am within my integrity to not stand as life but stay as a mind system and abuse what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life here and not stand within who I realize and see as my potential to be, but continue to exist in limitations and continue to fall in moments that I see I am able to stand within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself in and through my own mind, my own thoughts, and diminish myself into someone who is not able to stand as life in the potential that I have been gifted in this lifetime as the potential that I see I am able to live with what I have been given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this desire within me to get what I want and be given energy as highs and feeling good and positive within myself is what is real and what I want for myself when I see, realize, and understand it is the mind moving within a survival mode as myself in my physical body desiring to move to a point of dominance and indulgences that is not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose the mind as energy addictions in feelings and emotions instead of disciplining myself to move through the points as I see I am able to and become a support here for life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self interest to supersede what is best for all and this I realize is the path to hell not heaven on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed abuse to life as I have accepted abuse to my self in thought, word, and deed and not moved myself as life here walking what is best for all in all ways.

When and as I see I am able to move myself in a point of self honest movement and I indulge in my self interest/mind, I stop and breath, as I realize, see, and understand that this action is creating hell on this earth as abuse to life and I realize, see, and understand that this doesn’t make sense because life can live in the best possible potential we can create as I create this best possible potential within myself as life aligned to what is best for all.

I commit myself to let go of my desires and fears in the moment I see they are here through committing to take a breath, do self forgiveness in real time, and change myself in these moments to not move into the mind but stand as my own self direction as life.

I commit myself to push this application of real time stopping/correction in my process walking moving forward more and more in real time living.

I commit myself to balance who I am in all I do and stand within the self trust this will develop into as a being that is here and able to direct myself in all areas as I have created myself in all areas equally as balance.

I commit myself to stand within self trust through standing in self discipline and moving myself to correction in the moment that I am aware it is here to be walked.

I commit myself to release myself from energy addictions in all it’s forms through breathing and walking the self  correction process in real time and writing process.

Check Out these Awesome and Life Supporting sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Reoccurring Nightmare: Being Chased – Day 445

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So over my years of being on this planet and especially into my adulthood years I have had a reoccurring themed nightmare of being chased by people, usually like a movie seen, guys with guns or some sort of vengeance out to hurt me, well that is what it feels like anyway. And tonight, I also finished the transcription to the Future of Consciousness recording done on eqafe about Nightmares, and I suggest anyone who wants in in-depth understanding of where nightmares come from and why we have them, to check this one out. So for me, I want to investigate this reoccurring nightmare I have been having, within the dream, I am scared, I am afraid of being caught by these people chasing me and being harmed. So the energy existing within me in the dream is fear and anxiety fueled by people trying to harm me, and me always in a constant state of tension and stress to get away from them. Obviously, these people in my dream want something from me and they'll stop at nothing to get it, and so I have to run and become exhausted to get to a point of safety, though this safety is never permanent because I am always on the look out for these people and always in a state of being ready to run if I need to.

So the energy I am working with is – anxiety, fear, and stress based on being chased and not knowing what will happen in the future. Stress due to the fact of possibly being caught and being harmed, and having beliefs about the people that they will harm me, I am in great danger, and I can not relax in my own space, I am always needing to be on guard and looking out for threats against my life by people out there, the bad people in this world.

I can see this pattern of running from people aligning with the self judgment pattern I have been walking, I have this fear of people that I need to be on the look out, I am always in a state of tension because I believe people are out to harm me, and they will do so at anytime. I am afraid of being harmed by people and so the fear is perpetuated in my external reality because I fear people, I don’t understand them, I don’t really get to know them, I just straight out follow my reaction of fearing them and believing they will harm me. This causes me never really to be able to relax in my own skin because I am always tense and stressed about what others will do to me and this is based on my own self judgments I have created against myself, that I am inferior and people will harm me and take advantage of me due to me not being 100 percent perfect within myself where I judge myself as not as attractive as others and not as intelligent.

This also has developed into many forms of reactions within myself towards others in my day to day living, so the feeling of being chased is the experience I am doing to myself of not facing myself in my own reality. Allowing these fears and beliefs about who I am chase me around day in and day out, allowing projections to direct me, allowing energy to overtake me, and not standing within these moments and saying no to here no further, and walking the process to face myself and stop. So I have just been allowing myself to torture myself into this cat and mouse game of waiting for the next judgment, waiting for the next energy burst of emotion, and waiting for the next bout of depression because I believe I am being harmed by others and people are out to get me. When all the while I have been harming myself and chasing myself into a circle of self compromise through judging myself. Time to stop this once and for all, and forgive myself and release myself from this nightmare scenario. 

More to come in my next blog, thanks for reading.