Showing posts with label #journeytolife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #journeytolife. Show all posts

Friday, November 16, 2018

Back on the Writing Train - Day 570





I haven't written a blog in some time though I enjoy writing, I will continue on writing out my mind process and the self-forgiveness with it so as to support myself and maybe support others in their mental health and so physical well being of their life.

The topic for today is about sadness, I have been sad recently and for me, in my life, I really should not be sad. I have everything I need, I have many opportunities, and lots of people who care about me and give me support. So I have a lot, though this sadness is coming from within me, seems deep, a deep point of sadness I have been experiencing, one I know as I open it up will be challenging though this is what I want to uncover, the shit that challenges me so I can face it once and for all and move on to live more self-direct and self-supportive through understanding and so living the change necessary. So for this sadness, I am seeing it is due to relationships, I am feeling lonely currently and this is due to a desire to have companionship and essentially a partner. This I am more seeing as a program that is coming up, a habitual desire that I have participated in for a lot of my life because when I am alone I need to take more of an effort to be with me, like there is this deep hole within me that I feel some sort of emptiness and within that my life feels dull or boring or more that I am not feeling fulfilled in who and what I am doing.

Though practically speaking I am doing a lot, mostly work these days, I am running a company with my cousin and dad who is soon to retire, and we are very busy. I am understaffed at the moment so I am having to pick up all the little tasks that are needing to get done and no one is there to do them. So I have a lot of work like task work to do every day, this is somewhat fulfilling, though this is more for survival and within this, it does not sit well with me as something that I would like to do and live as my creative pursuit in my life.

Don't get me wrong, I do understand that work of all kind is necessary as stuff has to get done and not everyone can do what they love to do, though I do see a better way and potential for humanity to exist in this world that is not needing to survive to exist. But in the meantime, this is what I am doing, so there is pressure on me to perform and be responsible for all these tasks I do on a daily basis as well as the extra stuff that comes up that needs to get done. So my job for the most part is fine, though within my purpose of why I am doing this job and my plans to support a higher good are always within me, so this pursuit is a point of self-fulfilling I can stand within as walking such a goal is not only supporting myself but lots of others as well. So this in the process and as I walk this and fulfill what I set out to do, I can see a satisfaction being lived out. Patience and flexibility are also needed in such ventures though pushing through challenges and staying disciplined I have found are hallmarks to building the fulfillment of self that I am seeing I am yearning for.

Another point is that I am desiring a partner to settle down with, though I am also seeing that I have a fear here due to not wanting to get into a relationship where the person will not work out or will not suit me well. I find myself to be a bit peculiar in my interests and pursuits though I do see that I will fit in with someone nicely if they do decide to come around. So it seems that this sadness as of late is coming from a desire to have a relationship yet fearing one due to not wanting to get into the wrong one or one that will not work out in the end. I also have this idea coming up that when I am in one and have that desire met it'll lose its lust and I will desire to be single again, and not want to deal with the inner workings and dealings that relationships with others bring.

So I will walk some forgiveness on these points and clear the path for a change I can live with and brings out the best, here it goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a desire to have a specific outcome in my day and life where I know what I am doing, who I will be, and who I will meet and thus fulfill a desire to have a fulfilling conversation or interaction with another to where I feel more valuable or worthy because I did interact with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a desire to interact and have friendly conversations with others in my world because I have created the idea and belief that if I am having friendly conversations with others it means I have value and have something to offer others because they decided to stop and talk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to go into a point of reveling in the energy of being liked, having people to talk to, being seen by others, getting noticed and thus desire to have this and so if I don't have this intereaction believe I then am not these things, not good enough essentially.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if i am not being noticed or talked to by others that I am then not as worthy as when I am being noticed and talked to by others, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on counting and holding the score of who talks to me and when.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the energetic desire of feeling good and happy when i am noticed and people talk to me and thus within my secret mind go into competition and comparison of others where I label and polarize myself and others based on the numbers, and create assumptions of why some are getting more and some aren't, which is not actually standing in physical reality here but lingering in the mind illusions of thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was younger create the decision to see myself as not as good as others based on the experience I got when I was humiliated in front of others and thus saw others kids not having to go through this experience, seeing myself as inferior and less than and from there desire and decided to figure out why I am this way and others are able to bypass such uncomfortable experiences such as these.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on a memory of experiences I went through as a child and thus hold onto the conclusions I made in that time instead of here changing who I am in relation to these memories and experiences within me and redefine who I am in relation to friendship, people on the street, family members, coworkers, and thus give myself a foundation for my stand to thus use as a point of creative movement.

I commit myself to redefine the word friendship for myself in relation to the relationships in my life and who I will be without comparison or competition, but me as a being meeting myself in another.

This for next blog, thanks for reading.

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Saturday, November 23, 2013

Correcting Embarrassing Actions and Living - Part 1 - Day 356



Recently I was at a fair where I had to interact with people I had never met before and be assertive within myself to get them to hear and pay attention to what I had to say, so it’s a point of selling myself to sell a product. I was in a situation where I was ‘on the spot’ so to speak with an older gentleman, and he asked me to give him an example of what I was showing him. The example that first popped in my mind, I said, but it did not want to come out properly, so I ended up stuttering my words. He then looked at me and said ok, and kind of brushed me aside and walked away. Within myself, man I was feeling like I had screwed that up and was quite embarrassed I had flubbed up like I did.

I did not take into consideration however, that this was the second time I was doing this type of approach and obviously I was not going to be perfect right off the bat, I have to gain experience to specify and remediate my application and so mistakes are to be expected. Though, within myself I took this personal and felt embarrassed and judged myself for this screw up, instead of accepting the mistake I made and changing myself within it, I suppressed my the emotions and kept saying within myself I am fine, I am ok, let me just move on. But all the while having this event effect me not only mentally but on a physical level with feeling shakened up a bit and flushed. So here I will walk as many dimensions as I am able to in relation to this incident in the next blogs to come to support others as well as myself in correcting this experience of embarrassment I am sure we all can relate to. This first dimension I will walk will be on not seeing reality for what it is, a process of mistakes, adjustments, and living the correction to become perfected in any given task or skill one takes on. Thanks for walking with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when i make a mistake or reality does not line up into a perfect outcome or a normal outcome and something happens out of the ordinary, i then feel that i am at a lose and something has changed within me for the worse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by my environment and what happens within it instead of being in the moment and seeing reality for what it is and so support myself in reality by living with and as the environment and doing what is best in common sense and in this case it would be to correct myself when I make a mistake and move on.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to miss myself in reality for real because i am in an emotion of embarrassment when my environment doesn’t turn out how i expected it to and believe that i am at a lose in some way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by emotions such as embarrassment within moments where my reality doesn’t match up to how i expected and i am doing something within a wrong calculation and so feel like i have done something bad.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to for instance in the moment where i screwed up my word within speaking to the old guy about tt that i was inferior because i made a mistake and he did not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for making a mistake or mishap within what i am doing where my reality didn’t go the way my idea of reality was suppose to go and so see me as the problem.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself in my reality not accept and allow myself to make mistakes and mess up in front of others as this is inevitable within living in this physical existence.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that making mistakes and mishaps in a way of self honest application, that this is the only way to learn and so correct myself as i see that the mistakes are showing where i still need work.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to the guy based on believing that because i messed up he was going to think that i am stupid and a joke.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the other guy thought i was stupid and a joke because i messed up in the word i was trying to say when in reality i don’t know what he is thinking and so should focus on myself and who i am in the moment as that is what is real, me within myself and who i am as a living being in each moment and what i do to correct that which i see is not aligned to what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for the fact that i am the one judging myself in my own mind as stupid and a joke for messing up a word and so condemning myself to feel embarrassment as i have accepted this to be who i am, an embarrassment, when in reality i realized i didn’t know the word properly and so it’s showing that i need more practice, which i did and corrected after the incident occurred.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as an embarrassment because i have judged my actions in the moment of messing up my word and so caring what the other man thought of me, and so i forgive myself that i have continued to accept and allow myself to define who i am by others and my own mind as projections of what others think of me, rather than stopping, breathing, slowing down and living through the physical as who i am in my words and actions in common sense in each moment as i walk and live and correct that which needs realignment to what is best.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thoughts that i have of me being an embarrassment and a joke, rather than breathing, correcting myself in the moment, and so walking the practical steps to learn the word in what it takes and so stop the act of self compromise.

When and as i see that i go into a point of judging myself for making a mistake in fear of others thoughts of me, i stop and breath, and realize this is the physical process of learning new things in reality and this process is showing me where i need to look into more to learn and that i am not defined by the external reality, but i define me within who i am in each moment of breath within my living.

I commit myself to stop judging myself when i make a mistake or mishap in reality.

I commit myself to stop defining myself by the actions in the past and so breath here and express myself in each moment.

I commit myself to walk the process of correction and also making mistakes so i can learn and change myself to perfect myself through this learning process of making mistakes.

I commit myself to stand with others in self stability and so walk with rather than in fear of them, I have the ability to move myself in common sense, and so I commit to walk this way of common sense living rather than fear based living.

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Cultural Dissection - TV, Internet, Movies - Our Poisonous Past Time? - Day 320


One of the most common point of cultural influence we all have in common today is television watching, almost all of the households in America own at least one tv.  By the age of 18, these young adults will have watched over 16,000 tv commercials. In an average week for a child, they will have watched over 1,480 minutes of tv, that is over 24 hours of stationary tv viewing. (Source: http://www.statisticbrain.com/television-watching-statistics/) This shows you that tv watching is a big part of in this case the American lifestyle, and within the statistics above show the amount of influence the tv programs has on especially our children. The tv programs for instances are an indirect teacher within how we learn and understand our world around us through what we view on tv. In children's cases, they are learning with no prior reference or context to what they are viewing in many cases, and thus are more easily susceptible to misinformation of easily viewed mature content. Obviously, the child is looking and observing the other humans especially adults in how to live, how to behave, how to do things, ect, so we have a responsibility of course within this to make sure that what is being viewed and thus learned by youngsters is something worthwhile and what will support them to be the best they can be.

Unfortunately though, the majority of the tv, Internet, and movies have had quite the opposite influence on the young, we have created through these mediums more  competition within our kids and our world, more aggression, and more dysfunctional self image. And through repetitive messaging as is constant on the television ads for instance, we program into ourselves someone who are in need, unfulfilled, and flawed. So it’s a constant threat of survival being perpetuated through the media avenues and the only means of survival is through buying it, you will not be anything unless you can buy it. And who are the one’s that profit exponentially off this mania of the human consuming desire for fulfillment? The corporations of course, creating massive gaps between the rich and the poor and the poor is perpetuating the rich due the effectiveness of the media and manipulating the psyche of the human to believe we need things to be happy and fulfilled within ourselves.

Problem:

More and more children are being influenced by media outlets such as tv, video games, video pads, and computers as they are readily available and affordable for so many, Also, there is a paranoia of the parent of letting your child go outside with the conditions of this world being so consequential and dangerous these days, so they put them in front of the tv. Children are more and more using tv to entertain themselves, and what is it that they are viewing on the tv screens and Internet access and movies is nothing short of dumb down garbage, the crude sex, extreme violence, and pointless shows are not suited in a manner of supporting children to the utmost, but where children learned to be out of control and disregard others through constant views of competition and survival. Not to mention the Internet, where a child can find themselves in sites that are not even suitable for adults eyes in a very quick and easy manner.

I am looking at my own experience, as I was introduced to the ‘world’ so to speak through the tv, the sex scenes, the murders, drugs and alcohol, degradation of human life within words and actions, and many other extreme things on a constant and consistent basis on the television programming.  The sex and drugs and alcohol viewing was something that when I realized what it was all about through finally viewing enough tv and movies and speaking to other kids, I had to try it because I had seen it so much and it imprinted within me with emotions and feelings very intensely, that it was now an experience I must do to live it and see what it is like for real. This the effect the tv programming has on the person viewing it as you can even see within the words of how we call it ‘tv’ ‘program’, it is their in the words,  and it’s not that the programming in itself is bad, but it is what is being programmed within the viewer and if they are at will to it or it is in a controlling and manipulative way through the content of what they are showing as submissive or subconsciously integrated such as subliminal messaging in advertisement.

-As children take in multitudes of commercials, they learn to place worth in material possessions. As they grow, this materialism can contribute to discontentment, unhappy relationships and drug or alcohol abuse.

-In 2000, $2 billion was spent on advertising to children in America. By 2008, that figure had increased to $15 billion.

-Huston and colleagues have estimated that the average 18-year-old will have viewed 200,000 acts of violence on television (Huston, A.C., Donnerstein, E., Fairchild, H. et al. Big World, Small Screen: The Role of Television in American Society. Lincoln, NE: University of Nebraska Press, 1992.)

(Source: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/protecting_your_family/advertising-and-kids/statistics.aspx)

So tv and movies and internet allow too much access with no sense of responsibility to the viewer especially within age appropriate ranges without proper context and understanding, and also the point of value within what is being viewed is of a point of what is best, no, there is no sense of value to what we put on screens, it’s whatever will make money will be put on, and this has evolved to disturbing and ridiculous heights such as best selling shows like ‘keeping up with the kardashins’, ’16 and pregnant’, ‘swamppeople’, ‘jackass’, and many others. There are some shows that have quality within them, but still have these same elements of the limitation of our abilities within the human capacity that we can be at our best with direct awareness of what is going on through understanding and teaching these life skills through this medium as the tv or movies, but it does not happen. There shows that are irrelevant and based on human consumption and dysfunction in one way or another in most all the shows I have seen as of yet with degrading women for sex, obsession for sex, alcohol or drug abuse, and/or devolved behavior towards the capacity that we can be for instance. I suppose this is the mind of the human externally being viewed, so can be a gift to show us what needs changing, taken responsibility for, and corrected to live in the best way we as life can live if we dare.

And another huge industry is porn on the internet, where with a click of the mouse a 10 year old boy can view a guy degrading a women through sex in the most horrendous and abusive ways. The porn industry today being more lucrative then the Hollywood movie industry, and thus is evolved to be more raunchy and grotesque as this is what sells.  You can put yourself in the shoes of the child viewing this and see what influence this has on them, how it creates a distorted and warped view of sexual intimacy with another, and the extremely degrading of human as objects rather then the physical live beings they are. And of course it has a massive impact on children and how they view themselves and their relationships with others without any proper education or understanding of what and why these things are being done in these ways, but none the less it is seen over and over again as it easily becomes an addiction, and is imprinted and will form and build the child’s character into eventually an adult, and unfortunately usually a dysfunctional one at that.

Here are some statistics on the influence of children and access to porn on the internet:

· 9 out of 10 children aged between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, in most cases unintentionally (London School of Economics January 2002).

· Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography: 11 years old (Internet Filter Review).

· Largest consumer of Internet pornography: 12 - 17 year-old age group (various sources, as of 2007).

· Adult industry says traffic is 20-30% children (NRC Report 2002, 3.3).

· Youth with significant exposure to sexuality in the media were shown to be significantly more likely to have had intercourse at ages 14 to 16 (Report in Pediatrics, April, 2006).

· "Never before in the history of telecommunications media in the United States has so much indecent (and obscene) material been so easily accessible by so many minors in so many American homes with so few restrictions."
- U.S. Department of Justice, Post Hearing Memorandum of Points and Authorities, at l, ACLU v. Reno, 929 F. Supp. 824 (1996).

(Source: http://www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php)

So there is no real action by the populous of this world to make sure that what is being viewed and learned through a child’s very impressionable primitive years is something of value and will support the child to be the best they can be as an adult. Education is imperative to be implemented especially in the child’s first seven years of their life where they are naturally integrating and learning mostly everything they come into contact with. So it starts at the family level, the parents, and what you will put in front of the child, will it be of value to them and there learning or will it be a point of using these media mediums to have time to yourself and allow the tube to program your child to be ineffective within the potential they can be.

Within this as well, we as a society have a responsibility to create the avenues and the change necessary to make sure that what is being viewed on the tv or internet or in a movie is something anyone can watch and is worthwhile in producing an effective human being, I mean, why do we waste time, money, and especially human potential with worthless things on something so influential as the media outlets we have in this world, when it could be used to educate and expand ourselves through these mediums to be what is best for all. Another point we have to address is our profit driven way of life, and us allowing and accepting it to control and dictate who we are going to be in limitation and inequality, this will take a system change and you can investigate equal money system, the equal life foundation, and the interim solution as the basic income grant for more on this.


Solution:



The solution to this problem of over stimulation of our children with ineffective tv and internet viewing is to first create a human being from childhood with the ability to take responsibility for themselves and correct themselves to care for others as they would like to be cared for as well. So through a process of writing in self honesty, which is found to be most effective, one can change the points where you see you are not effective within doing what is best. You can use this platform to find where you need changing and correction, and write out the self forgiveness to forgive yourself for the faults and then script the correction of yourself to change in your living. So we can become living examples for the children to come and in essence everyone we meet, to start on the path of creating a world where we are responsible and live from a point of caring for others and living to our full capacity within in equality and what is best for all. Investigate Desteni I Process Lite to get started.

From a more global perspective, we as our media and what we deem as entertainment, consumer products, and culture are to change drastically once life start to equalize itself and realize that we are already here and do not need to compete or be fulfilled. The production of things will be based on expression and creativity uninhibited by profit within an integrity of self because we have started on the path of self correction and thus the correction of our world, so the quality of our external living will be that of equal value to the quality of who we are within our internal living, descent, responsible, honorable, and self honest in an equal respect for all the life that live here.


Also, this will clean up all areas culture such as the entertainment and media outlets to be able to be viewed by all and understood by all to the benefit of them and their life, and to expand within what is viewed through creativity and common sense. Understand, it’s not that who we are in this world is bad or wrong, it’s just a point or a shift from dysfunctional living to functional living because the way it is now as dysfunction abuses people, life, and cause consequential outflows that are very serious and severe such as with porn and child sex slavery, rape, or molestation. Sex is a human function and part of the physical body processes, it’s a point of realizing this for oneself, understanding the functionality of it and how to live sexual expression in a way that supports the human as a physical being, and so stopping the mind from taking over and controlling the human completely in obsession and addiction, learning self control through self direction and discipline.

Reward:


The reward for correcting and purifying ourselves to a life of integrity lived within all areas of our life as media, culture, education, internet, social living, and thus taught to the generations to come will create a world of potential we can not imagine at this time. Where our children and ourselves are flourishing within who we are as creative beings and having the support and assistance within everything we encounter in our world and reality here and available for all’s use. Creating a support system within our whole living system here that is best for all and equal within all will create an absolute enjoyable place of paradise where no more fear or paranoia have to exist of survival or unfulfillment, and life can breath a big sigh of relief because we are alive, and can push life’s ability to new heights that we have as of yet not been able to explore, and these heights I am ready to explore, would you not agree?



For Further Support, Please check out Links:
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Equal Life Foundation

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Relationship Paranoia – Part 2 – The Origin of Relationship Desires - Day 318




This is a blog continuation of a series, here is part 1:
Day 312 – Relationship Paranoia – Part 1

So here I will be looking at the origin of this desire within me as a kid of liking a boy, and thus wanting a relationship with him. What within my memory and my living situation as a child oriented me to desire to be with another person? The first boy I remember liking was a boy in my second grade class, he was a boy who was shy, but very cute, so his looks where first on my list that attracted me to him. So I will look at this point first of ‘attraction’, and what within this point that creates a point of desire for another in my life at even the age of 8 or 9 years old.

First, I would say what drew me to attractive guys at that age where movies, the movies I watched always had this point of very cute guy or girl within it, to cater to each sexes desire, and they were always the hero’s within the movies. For instance was the movie free willy, the boy who lead in that movie I really liked based on him being cute. And within me, it was this desire to be like that or be with someone that was very attractive. Now, this point is very encapsulating and has been throughout my life, the desire for beauty, what makes the picture of someone so enthralling and enticing, as I look at it here it moves to sex. The desire to have sex with a beautiful person was already engrained in me even at that age of 8 or 9 years old, I may not have known what sex was, but I did feel a feeling of attraction to move closer to these beautiful pictures, and when I was younger, this desire or feeling again was fueled and grew within watching movies. Dirty dancing was the first movie I saw that I actually knew what was happening within the kissing scenes because my friends would talk about it, and then finally I saw this movie and it clicked, and I was like ok, this feeling is what everyone is talking about.

So this ‘feeling’ that everyone was talking about was a feeling or desire for closeness with another, for sex, but here one must question this because it’s not a self movement within a point of contemplation or decision making, but it’s like a pull, and the pull is magnetized towards another I have found through looks and beauty of another, and then the hope of relationship and then sex with this other. So even within the age of 8 or 9, I was already introduced to sex and relationship, and already was starting to feel the pull towards another, a desire to be with them, and at this stage it was based on this other being ‘cute’.

The Origins of desire in relationships therefore I would conclude based on my experiences as a kid would be one main focus is movies and television, what they show on the screen as sex and relationship, and inducing the experience within self of the feelings of lust and sex towards others. And thus what is imprinted within the human watching these movies or tv shows is that you have to be beautiful and sexy to get your desires fulfilled, to get another beautiful picture to be with you, and so I started on this road to be beautiful. The image of the characters on tv are very specific, they are geared to create desires within the viewer, the desire to be beautiful, and what does this desire create within the world system, consumers, buyers, but also devastation as the human view of themselves is skewed. It’s not about self-empowerment and wholeness of self, but these movies and tv series create a need and unfufillment within self, and a desire to perfect self. I will go into detail with self forgiveness and self correction next blog on these points.

So the paranoia that is created even at a very young age through what one watch on the tv screens, is the paranoia of the perfect look to get the perfect relationship, and then get to have that feeling of lust built up now through all the viewing over time on the tv, to find the perfect guy and have a relationship, sex, and then it will lead to marriage and thus security (I wil go into to this in detail in later blogs). So these expectations now, build up questions within self like, “but can I get him, will he like me, dear god, am I perfect enough? How do I get perfect?” And another problem is that children are never properly educated to discern from fact and fiction, and thus understanding how to create a point of self stability within yourself through these fears and feelings that are now created and being fueled on a day to day basis.

Suggest Read: Day 406: Relationship Paranoia Guidelines

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki
Equal Money System Website
Equal Life Foundation


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Monday, June 3, 2013

Day 312 – Relationship Paranoia – Part 1




I remember ever since I was a child that I desired a relationship with another person, it was a natural point within me of "I like that boy", and I remember it being specific to the looks particularly, this boy was cute and cool and athletic and funny, and so within me I saw all these desires being fulfilled through this picture I am seeing of this ‘boy’ in my mind and then superimposing this picture onto the physical reality of him through the relationship that would hopefully develop with me and this boy across my classroom. Obviously, not taking physical reality into consideration in anyway as it didn’t at all work out the way my mind planned it to be and pictured it to be, and thus the ensuing development of my relationship paranoia began.

But how as a child did I even know about relationships and being with a boy and wanting it to be so specific as to the look, and personality, and acceptability of this boy, and where I so specifically picked ‘him’ because of these desires being fulfilled of how my mind created them to be and thus how I wanted it to go. So what I am looking at is more a point of where does these desires come from, how do they develop, and what are the consequences within myself and thus within the greater of this reality of how we as human beings experience and create relationships within our lives. 

I will be looking at these very points within this coming series called and will be in relation to 'Relationship Paranoia', where in the next post I will be walking this line of my experience as a child of desiring this specific boy in school, the thoughts and memories related to this through finding the origin point of where and when it started, and to then deconstruct all these point through self forgiveness and self correction to live from a point of self stability that is real, which is my living in alignment with the physical reality. The physical is the point where self can stop this constant state of paranoia, such as the relationship ending for instance through understanding what is going on within self and directing this point of your mind activity and rather live from the physical in alignment with the mind as an equal, where the communication, the living interaction, and the process of self stability and self support within and through the relationship itself is the support and stability that is sound because it's really being lived, and thus can be directed through self awareness to self clarity. So self being the starting point always, asking who I am in relation to what is here and walking the process of letting go of the mind attachments as fear and paranoia that is not necessary and very unpleasant.

So the mind is where we have been creating our relationships from, the desires, the fantasies in our imaginations, the ideas and beliefs of how it should be or could be, the energies of emotions and feelings that are infused and regenerate through living these memories, and thus compromising one’s own self stability to have a real relationship, a physical stable relationship based on common sense and practical support of oneself and each other together. And thus why we are continuing to exist within the world as the mind, as memories, as emotions and feelings, and desires, and so our relationships are falling and unstable and always we are in the constant threat of fear of lose, which in turn creates this constant state of paranoia and nervousness within one’s world. Really I am tired of living in this way, the constant up and down emotional rollercoaster rides and the constant state of paranoia of never knowing will I meet my 'soulmate', will I  have love in my life, will this last, what is going to be the thing that makes this relationship fail, and it goes on, it's time to stop this panic state and start getting real. 


So I will do my best to open the Relationship Paranoia point up in as many dimensions as I can and as specific as possible to examine, deconstruct, and reconstruct the correction of the relationship from paranoia of the mind as we exist currently to the self relationship of stability here in physical reality in what is real and true as self stability one and equal with life. Stay tuned.

Suggest Read: Day 406: Relationship Paranoia Guidelines

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki
Equal Money System Website
Equal Life Foundation


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Sunday, November 18, 2012

Day 175- The Denied Demonic Within - Mirror, Who am I?





I judged myself when looked in the mirror, and allowed that to direct me for most of the morning. 

This above post is from yesterday's blog, Day 173 - The Denied Demonic Within, please reference it if you like for more context to this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical appearance when I look into the mirror and find the points within my face that I see and judge as ugly, always looking within each angle in the mirror to see if any point I find out of place or is looking unacceptable. I realize and understand that each time I accept and allow this point of self judgment of my physical look, I am programming myself more into my mind and reinstating that I am my defining myself by this picture image I have created in my mind, separating myself from my physical body and all it’s equal and one functions to keep me alive, and diminishing myself and abusing myself to become less of a version then I could be if I was here and stable.

I commit myself to when and as I desire to judge myself and start to go into the thought pattern of self judgment when looking in the mirror, I stop and breath, and speak, 'no I don’t accept this any longer, I am equal'. And I continue to do what I am doing in the bathroom, and move about my day, not accepting or allowing the thoughts to influence me by stopping them as they arise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ugly and thus create a polarity play out within me of beautiful, where I have created a value in my mind of what is pretty and what is ugly, separating myself from myself, to deny that which I don’t accept and judge as ugly/negative. I realize that I am separating myself from myself when I create value judgments about myself and deny that I am not this which I see as beautiful and am that I am that which I see as ugly. Within this I realize that I will never be stable as I am not directing myself in who I am as life, but being directed as my mind in ideas and beliefs of this picture of what I am not as beauty, when I realize that I am here, I am the physical, I am life, and there is no value judgment in this, no idea or belief that is real, because life is in the physical and the physical is all that is here, thus I am here as I am life, I am physical not beliefs and ideas they are made up in my mind so not real as there not physical.

I commit myself to when and as I go into value judgments about myself, stop and breath, and walk the correction of accepting that which I am denying of myself. Bringing it back to myself, and see what I am not wanting to accept and thus walk the process of accepting it and not being directed by the energy any longer as feeling bad based on a judgement I have created based on my mind idea. Pushing to walk the physical actions, such as washing my hands, so feel the water and my movements in washing them, focus on my living, and stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed throughout the morning of feeling inferiority and self disgust based on believing this feeling is who I am. I realize and understand that feelings and emotions is not who I am, but energy generated in my mind based on my own activation through accepting thoughts that I am ugly and this makes me less then others, and I see and realize that this acceptance of thoughts is allowing the feelings and emotions to be created, and so I live it out because I am creating it within my own participation through my thoughts in my mind.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of thoughts of judgment and being directed by it into feelings of disgust of myself, I stop and breath. Stopping all the thoughts and feelings from directing me by not giving them any attention as I realize they are not real, they are not me, thru breathing through the energy and focusing on my living to be more efficient and disciplined in what it is I am physically actually doing.



For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Day 174- The Denied Demonic Within - The "Pointless" Excuse





Today, I had to take a class for getting three speeding tickets within two years time, so this from the start was a class I resisted and was annoyed at based on the fact that I believed it to be boring and pointless.


This above post is from yesterday's blog, Day 173 - The Denied Demonic Within, please reference it if you like for more context to this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the class that I was required to take as pointless due to my desire to not have to attend this class based on judging it as boring content and something I am not going to care about anyway. I realize that within this desire to not attend the class I am not considering the fact of why I am in the class in the first place as my irresponsibility to slow down when I drive and stop the rush of moving from place to place. This rush putting in harms way others as well as myself as I am more out of control within going fast then I would be at a slower speed.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going into a desire to not do something based on a negative judgment I have placed on it as pointless, I stop and breath, and find the point where I am abdicating my responsibility throughwriting out and applying self forgiveness to see for myself the change needed to do what is best for all and take self responsibility to care for life and stop my self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape the fact of this point of rushing around and being reckless within the way I am driving to blame on the class that I was required to take due to my irresponsibility within driving a car, seeing the class as the problem and judging it as useless, when I realize that I am in the class by my own volition, and I could make the best of it and learn something and gain connections with others. Seeing and understanding that this blame of the class is a red flag for myself to see that I am only being within self interest to get out of my responsibilities and the consequence I will face of my actions.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of blame and judgment of something, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to go into the mind as these points of distractions as blame, bringing it back to myself as the truth of the matter, so I can change myself to realize the consequence of my actions, and stop the action of consequence before it occurs again, through considering what I am doing in as many ways as I can and consider all those I will be effecting to make a decision that will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge driving class as boring and dumb when I realize that within and as me, I can learn and grow in my understanding of rules of the road, and be reminded of the consequences that are out there that is not necessary to occur if I take responsibility for my actions and walk practically considering what I am doing and how I will effect others in my world, to thus walk the correction of slowing down and changing my schedule so I have more time to get to where I need to go.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am judging something as dumb and pointless, to stop and breath, and stop this judgment as this is separating myself from my own responsibility of consequence of why I am there in the first place. Stopping the desire for a certain outcome and making the most of what I am doing to grow and expand my understanding. Also, I commit myself to when and as I consider my day, I discipline myself to take the steps to organize my time schedule to have enough time to get to and from my work with enough time to get everything done and accounted for without putting anyone in harms way and giving myself the best and safest way to move about and direct myself to have the most optimum chance of being in control of what I am doing and do what best for all in my living.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki




driving school, how to get out of class, speeding, ticket, police, fight a charge, face the music, facing consequence, this is pointless, desteni, eqafe, #teamlife #changetheworld, #journeytolife