I have been looking at self acceptance for a while now, and
have not had a satisfactory point within myself of seeing myself in this way.
So I have been observing myself throughout the day to see where it is that I am
not allowing myself to just live, be and accept who I am in each moment. The
biggest point I am seeing is the point of accepting my physical appearance,
seeing it within a point of judgment, and seeing this backchat thought of ‘what
if I was looking like this, how my world would open up more.” “If only I had
that feature or that look then I would really be able to do what I want”, and
so this continues throughout the day, this accumulation of anger and
disappointment because I want to look better then what I see in the mirror. I
have always had this point within me through the desire to this belief system,
that ‘if I was looking this way, then I would be so much more happy and
appreciated, and loved”, and so it’s a constant point of self sabotage I am
engaging within based on this very physical point that I can not change
anything about my physical body in terms of it’s appearance. It is what it is
and I have to accept it as such.
So this point that I am missing out on life due to the way I
look and act within society is purely based on my own acceptances and allowances
of judging myself and others and continuously comparing myself to my world
around me, thus not applying myself in the physical in changing and stopping
this pattern once and for all. Because obviously, I can not change my physical
and I see how really selfish and self centered I am being due to fear of loss,
but it is a point that I can change and correct within the relationship to
myself so I can start to nurture and care for myself as a living being, the physical
being who is here within this world and body and make something of myself then
just a point of self sabotage and lost potential.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
go into a point of belief that I am missing out on life due to not being the
best looking female that I know.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
see myself as less then other females who I compare to myself as more feminine
and womanly, and thus see me as not womanly and feminine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
see myself less womanly then other women when I realize that I am not defined
nor is anyone else defined due to their gender and that where integrity is born
from is who we are within the way we live and treat others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
see myself as unworthy as a women compared to other women I see, and believe
because I am not the top of the notch women look that I am thus less then
others because I don’t have the same style as other females do and can’t pull
off the looks other females can.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define myself and limit myself to styles and looks of what the picture
presentation and expression of other women are conveying and comparing myself
to that as seeing myself less then them, and then suppress my own expression
due to a belief that I am just not stylish and beautiful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
have a desire to be beautiful and stylish based on my desire to only define
people based on what they look like and how they move instead of seeing people
as different expressions that are unique unto themselves and not compare and
judge, but live equal to it all because this is how I would like to be treated
as well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
continue to exist in comparison and judgment towards my world instead of
pushing my application of breathing here and remaining stable in letting go of
these desires and walking the path of realizing and living equal with all
beings I meet.
When and as I see I go into a point of desiring to be more
then who I am here within my flesh, I stop and breath, and speak ‘no I am here,
I accept me as who I am in this moment’ and breath through all the physical
reactions of anxiety and tightness within the stomach, and move through the
reaction with breathing until it is subsided and thus focus on what is being
said/physical interaction rather then the picture.
I commit myself to walk this statement of when the desire
comes up to compare or go into self sabotage, breath, and speak I accept me for
who I am.
I commit to breath through the reactions of anxiety and fear
of loss through continuing to state the who I am statement no matter what points
come up within me to go into reaction.
I commit to embrace the other within who they are and walk
the point of acceptance of myself in equality to the other through seeing that
we are both life in the physical and focus on the physical and letting go of the
attachment within my mind.
I commit to practice communicating with others and moving
through these triggers of backchat thoughts through breath awareness and
stopping all points of judgment of myself or others through practicing seeing
direct, what is here, in the physical and as the physical.
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