My Experience with Confidence In Appearance - Part 5 - Day 365

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This is a Series, here are the others for reference:
My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362
Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363
Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4 – Day 364

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define myself within the experience of myself as confident when I see when looking in the mirror I get a positive energy kick as I see that within my idea of the picture in my mind has been satisfied and I am feeling confident to go out in public and face others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my feeling of who I am through an experience of positive feelings when I see myself in the mirror and am satisfied with what I see and that have the thought that ‘now I can go and feel confident in myself’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my mind that I have to fufill and satisfy before I will go out with others and if I don’t satisfy this picture the feeling of confidence ends and I become insecure proving that this confidence is not in fact real because it depends on other factors rather then a living of it within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my confidence level based on the picture I see in the mirror and feel anxiety and fear when in public if I don’t have a picture that I am satisfied with when I look in the mirror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself worth and confidence within myself based on my picture in the mirror rather then the who I am as a person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the mind when I have the thought ‘now I can go and feel confident in myself’ and so go into public and feel better about myself due to this conclusion that I look my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy of positive feelings as excitement and a comfortableness if I am satisfied with the picture I see in the mirror and then become more comfortable in public situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when looking in the mirror and I am not satisfied with the way I look and accept the thought of ‘man, I look ugly  right now’ and so go into public feeling less comfortable and more anxious around other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat and judge others based on what they look like and compare there look with mine, and so feel confident or not based on the way I compare to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel better about myself through accepting the positive energy as excitement or comfortableness when I see myself as more then others and so get a sense of confidence within myself and become more comfortable with being in public with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better about myself within myself if I am more then others within my mind through judgment of others around me and base my experience of myself on this judgment I have made in feeling more or less then others.

When and as I see I am going into my mind and comparing myself to a mirror image of myself or with another and judging it as good/bad, I stop and breath, and realize this is being enslaved within a polarity of positive and negative that will continue as I separate myself from others and my own living through judgment. I realize I will only be able to live in equality and so true self confidence if I build it through my actions and words based on the actual reality of what is here including and accepting all as myself.

I commit to stop judging and sizing myself up and others in my mind.

I commit to let go of the energy of feeling good or bad about myself and accepting myself in that moment absolutely.

I commit to stop the backchat thoughts of polarity of ugly/beautiful.

I commit myself to build confidence in myself through the way I build myself over time through self responsibility and living in a principled way and following through.

I commit myself to stop judging others.

I commit myself to stop judging myself.

I commit myself to accept myself and push with all people by become comfortable with myself.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

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Superficial – Self Forgiveness and Self Correction to Live – Day 316

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be an image that is seen by others as super, best, desired, and highlighted based on the fact that within and as who I am I have accepted and allowed to see myself as inferior to others image and thus stand to compete rather then be here in who we are for real equal as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as an image only and thus compare and compete against other images in my world not realizing and/or living the fact that all images are illusion of the mind created to separate in to more or less, and thus this is used by the ego to be best while others lose causing abuse. Life here do not abuse as life as self realize that all here is self thus one is only abusing oneself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see images around me, based on desires and emotional attachments as energies of acceptance or feeling good because someone liked my image and thus am limited within the acceptance of others liking me rather then me giving this to myself and creating a real relationship with myself in creating what I enjoy and what I will accept and allow and what not as a self direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only limit myself and my environment to seeing images alone as pictures and emotional attachments in my mind missing the truth of what is real, that life is not images and thus life is not a feeling or emotions, but is simply here living and can be lived in common sense and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with images and desiring to be special within being a ‘super’ ‘face’ rather then seeing what is relevant and thus what needs changing through creating and ensuring the best life for all here on this planet, where images is not relevant as obviously life is more then images.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use distractions such as competition and comparison to get what I want through using this super face as this will only cause self compromise because I am not self willed and self directed, but directed by polarities through energy that will only seek this fulfillment as self interest and not reality based living to make sure the change necessary within me and thus the without of me as this world is sorted and all abuse ends.

When and as I see I am going into a point of desire in wanting my image looked at or changing myself in a point of self compromise for others to accept me, I stop and breath, and I realize that within this I am compromising myself because I am split and thus not self directed and so will easily be swayed by desires and the mind and others acceptance then what is best for life through standing within this point no matter what mind desires or points I face.

I commit myself to stop and investigate each point I go into of self compromise where I am searching for something outside myself like a feeling or a acceptance, and thus stop participating in it until I am satisfied I can stand in this point.

I commit myself to stop the point of self compromising by checking through slowing down my starting point for doing things, and correct it if it's due to a point of acceptance outside myself.

I commit myself to give self care and self nurture through testing and developing this point for myself through becoming gentle with me but steadfast within my discipline to stop going into self interest/self compromise.

I commit myself to stop defying this point of self care and self acceptance by actually being consistent within it and stopping all the mind attachments within self interest/self compromise, and embrace self within and as all that is here and walking whatever is necessary to make sure I can stand no matter what and not be swayed by emotions or feelings as these are not real and thus I commit to stop participating in them and focus on physical reality, my breath, and living in and with my body as I move.

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Marlen Vargas Del Razo


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Superficial – What’s in a Word – Day 315

So here within this word Superficial I am looking at what the word is saying as it’s purpose, so it’s saying the ‘Super’ ‘Face’ of myself, the image of who I want to be as the ego self, pushing to show face and thus be the super face to get the most attention from others. So here looking at the starting point of this particular point of my image, I have come to realize I am very much into the way my image is presented to others, and making sure before I go anywhere that I am looking the best I can. It has become a paranoia because I create this look I must achieve as the picture in my mind, and thus if I see at anytime, such as a glimpse in a mirror or in a window, and I am not up to par, then I will go into a reaction of fear and anxiety because I have judged myself as very unpleasant looking if I do not have the ‘approved’ look and thus the ‘super’ ‘face’ to present to my environment and thus get acceptance.

Now, for real, this is crazy living and self sabotage to the max as this scenario of trying to look perfect obviously is a point of self interest because who am I trying to look perfect for? Myself? No because when I am alone, I am quite content and ok with the way I am looking and really I don’t even bother with paying attention to it. But once someone else enters the scenario, then my paranoia kicks in of, ‘oh gosh, I must have my ‘super’ ‘face’ on, I must be presentable". This showing that I am only caring about others, what they think, how they perceive me, and this at the end of the day is due to self interest as there is a point I will not let go of, the definition and thus image of looking my best. Why do I have to look in this way? Who am I trying to impress? Obviously I am not accepting myself and thus will always be in fear due to always seeing myself less then, and thus having to become an image for others to be acceptable.

This obviously the product of my mind and what I have accepted and allowed in my mind through comparisons, judgments, and competition, and so live in this self created misery because I want to be something that is not in fact real and can never be achieved. I am chasing something that has no solution and thus why I have existed in my head in polarities for the the whole of my life, missing what is in fact real, missing myself in creating my living into self perfection, missing me understanding and building an equal relationship with me and others in my world, missing the existence for myself that I could create if I just stop the desires to be more, to be special, to be wanted, to be the best, it has to stop and thus it will only stop when I stop existing as the super face and start with the real self, as the face is part of the body which is part of everything here. And thus what is real is here as this world and thus who I am within it equal and one to who I create myself and direct myself as, there is in fact no separation here as all are physical and all are life, this separation in fact is existant only in my mind.

Life is not about being super, it’s about living in what is best for all, this has nothing to do with being special or more or better, but living to the best of my ability in my body in consideration of all equally and this is including myself. 

Will write more next blog with Self forgiveness and self correction.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki
Equal Money System Website
Equal Life Foundation

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Day 67- Walking the Physical: Hair

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my hair as too dry and wavy desiring a certain picture perfect look such as what I see in magazines and on the tube. I realize and understand that hair is hair and it's consistency is based on the accumulation of moisture within my body and if I don't drink enough water and give my body enough nutrients my hair will be how it will be based on physical conditions. I commit myself to eat and drink water and nutrients that support my physical in practical consideration of me as equal to the body and in common sense and stop the judgment of what my hair looks and feels like.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire hair that is straight and flat as I see this is what looks nice and I judge my hair as not nice and hard to handle. I realize and see that I am separating myself from my physical through an idea that I want my hair to be a certain way, I realize and understand that my hair is not to be defined nor desired in a specific way but here as me in what it is within and as the physical as the human body expresses.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a desire to be blond haired as I see that I like this look more then brunette as the people look nice and within this I desire to look nice for others to gain attention. I realize and see that hair color makes no difference to who someone is within and as their living and thus to define myself by my hair is a limitation that is really unacceptable as well as defining myself by the way I look which separate me from what is here into the mind which makes stuff up to use for it's own generation of mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by my hair color as I desire others to notice me, see me as nice looking, and i have a belief that blond haired people get more attention based on this feature of hair color. I realize and understand that this belief is not real and only preoccupying me within and as desires to have attention from others through manipulating by what I look like as an ego drive to be better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give in to this desire to manipulate others based on the way I look instead of being here and standing with others in who we are as equals, when and as I go into this form of trying to be someone I am not I realize and see that this is compromising me and just a form of ego to gain something from the other through in this instance using my hair as manipulation. I stop this form of manipulation and accept me for who I am in all that I am here and then walk the change to become equal with the physical as I realize the mind is self separation and compromise, I remain here as breath as this physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to manipulate people to like me through the way my hair looks and thus gain an energy boost of good feelings as I am getting attention from others when others recognize me for the way I look and this I desire the addiction to others attention on me. I realize and see that this action of manipulation through the way I look will in turn only diminish my self standing as I will not be able to trust myself as I will shape and shift myself to please others because I am accepting and allowing this addiction to others attention on me direct me. I realize and see that it's not a point of others acceptance that matters but my own which will truly give me real power as self empowerment where I will stand within who I am as life and not compromise myself to feelings and emotions based on how others see me, but within this will always know were I stand as I will always be here with who I am one and equal with all life. Thus I stop compromising myself to pictures and stand here as breath with the physical equal and one with all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be addicted to others attention on me based on the fact that I don't see myself good enough and thus am use to using others as reference to define who I am and thus I will use all parts of my body to manipulate others to like me so I can feel better about myself as I am getting the experience I desire as attention and praise from others. I realize and see that this is not real living within and as manipulating others to like me based on the way I look and my body looks so thus I must stop defining myself by my body and the way others see/speak/look at me and thus remain here as breath and walk the physical practical reality as my movements stopping all participation to go into the addictive pattern of self compromise based on no self worth through and as defining myself by pictures and pictures only. I am not pictures, I realize I am everything that exist.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compromise myself based on seeing myself as less than others and thus I have to use my physical body such as my hair to have others see me as worthy and thus completely and entirely self sabotaging myself and  separating myself from my power here where I  in fact am and what is real. I realize my self worth is not in question as who I am is here as life and that all life is worthy no matter what as all life is here, I within my process must stop the definitions of life and stop the judgment of myself and remain here within what is real, what is practical, and walk the acceptance of me here in each and every moment until I am not moved by this point in anyway whatsoever.

I commit myself to stop defining myself by my hair as I see and understand hair is what it is as physical expression of the physical here, and thus it does not define who I am it is me here one and equal as all other life.

I commit to stop manipulating life here within and as the way I use my body and make my body look as I see and understand that this is self compromise and who I am is life not just a picture.

I commit to stop judging myself within definitions of how I should be and accept myself for who I am, walk the process of correction through self writing as self forgiveness, self honesty and thus practical living through self correction, and allow myself to breath here as the physical as who I am and what is real, stopping the addiction to energy and picture stimulation.

self compromise, looks, beauty queen, hair, hairspray, looks, body makeup, hairdesign, equality, eqafe, equal life, journey to life, desteni, 2012, garbriellegoodrow, 

Day 66- Walking the Physical: The Face

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge my facial structure were I see my jaws being to big. I realize and see that the structure of the face is based on the dna design from the physicals of my parents and thus is a physical consequence of this and something that allows my face to have form and my body to breath air to live.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my mouth as big and my lower lip as too much hanging out. I realize and understand this judgment is based on a desire for a certain outcome. Here I see and understand the mouth is for the processing of food and grinding it down to nourish my human physical body and to communicate with life as life thus I stop the desire for a certain outcome as that is diminishing  my capability to live in equality with my physical as I am separating myself into an experience for my own self interest while the physical suffer with limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my ears as too small as I overheard someone saying that people with small ears were born with a deformity or not fully developed so I always judged myself as incomplete and not someone who is at full capacity which I resented my mom for. I see and realize that this rumor was just that a rumor as I can hear fine out of my ears and I am able to hear and understand the direction of life and thus am grateful to be able to hear out of my hears so I can function and live in this world through hearing and understanding.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my nose as too big as I desire to have a small and straight nose as I have seen my sister have and always desired to have a nose like that. I realize and see that judging nose and desiring a certain nose type is chasing a feeling of experience to get what I desire within and as my own happiness where I can use my face in such a way to attract a man and be happy within being with the man of my dreams. I realize and see that this is all made up bullshit as it is not manifesting any point of support for myself or life here but feeding the mind as desires and keeping me distracted into desires, diminishing myself by judging my physical when my physical has always been here in support unconditionally supporting me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes and ugly and not normal looking where I have created such a picture in my mind I have attached the eyes with experience from the past where I was teased and thus blaming my eyes for the pain I felt in that moment. Not realize and seeing that I myself am the one who created the experience of being made fun of as I existed as such equal and one to others where I was the abuser and abuse life to make myself feel good/better then others. I realize and see that judging and blame the physical doesn't make sense and thus diminish me into a lesser version of myself then I have in the potential of who I can be in equality. Thus I commit myself to stand eyes realizing that they are here in unconditional support to help me see the world around me and be able to live and giving me the opportunity to birth myself as life. I stop judging the physical face as it is equal and one to me and here as physical practical purposes to live and allow life to live.

I commit myself to stop judging my eyes, mouth, lips, ears, nose and myself based on desires and ideas, I let go of all ideas and desires I hold to be more and walk as breath to equalize myself with life.

I commit myself to walk as breath in practical common sense with my physical face as well as body and take care of it and nourish it so it can function at its optimal potential and it can live and express here.

I commit to understand and walk with my physical to walk through the indications of pain and release them to thus walk through the systems causing the pain and bring life as the physical in alignment with the physical equal and one and stop the suffering of the physical forevermore.