A Lady's Journey to Life: Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4

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This is a Series, here are the others for reference:
My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362
Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363

So here I will be starting to open up the confidence/insecurity construct I exist within, it was opened up within the previous post when the horse I was working with on the farm looked into my eyes and I felt exposed due to the depth of how that look touched me. See reference above if you would like to follow along with this series. In general my experience of myself is generally negative, I feel less capable and less fulfilled then the potential that I realize I can be. The main focus of this and why I allow myself to exist in this way is due to the desires and energy movements within me that I have not controlled and not directed, a more main personality I exist in is the belief that I am better then some folks and that some folks are better then me. This ranges in all areas of my life, work, socially, in athletics, I mean, competition is within all that I do. When I compete this is the outcome, there will be a loser and there will be a winner. What I do is I define myself based on this outcome instead of enjoying what is here in each moment, this is what in fact is actually real, things happening and me within it in each breath here.

So I would like to do some self forgiveness to get through and clear this relationship I have with being confident in myself and then creating the polarity opposite of being insecure, first starting with the confidence point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel confident within the way I direct myself even when I see, realize, and understand that I was not speaking within a point of self confidence where I have seen all the outcomes and walked them to a point of living experience, but speak more in reaction and have an idea that I am in the right and believe that I have the more viable story/playout.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ensure within my mind that I know what I am talking about and I am in the right point of view and story line even though I am reacting within myself in an energy of anxiety or anger or frustration towards an external outlet and based on this reaction I accept thoughts of winning, being right, and not budging from my position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gain confidence within the false beliefs in my mind that I have created through an idea that I am smarter then others, I have the right to do what I do, and that I am better at what I do then others when in the face of others I see in areas I am more skilled or more know more I then use that to my advantage to get what I desire in the end which is to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misrepresent myself within this false confidence as genuine when in reality I am not, I am in my mind finding ways and methods to beat out the others and gain the desired outcome I want and use this belief that I am more then others to give me the confidence to push through in the face of opposition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the to believe that I have to compete and face the opposition in the outside world not realizing that I am only facing myself, and that I can’t blame anyone or anything outside myself for the way I am experiencing myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use confidence in a point of getting the upper hand within situations were I have judge others as less then me and so become more confident because I have seen that I am more at an advantage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in windows of time assess a person and size them up with me and base my living off of survival as competition rather then stepping beyond my mind reality as judgment and survival and seeing the greater picture of who I am and who I am in relation to others as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to the way in which I am living and so effect my environment and life around me in a way that cause imbalance and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enthralled with energy as self interest through believed confidence and not realize that I am hurting others and creating consequences that will create rifts in my world and others that are not supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use confidence to push through my world and use ignorance because I use my mind as a shield of beliefs that I am this and that, but in reality I am separating myself from others because I am not here with them as am in competition and fighting for my survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more then others based on my skills or capabilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a right to do what I do to others because I have more of the way I operate at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as better then others due to the way I conduct business affairs and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use confidence in my abilities and myself against others in competition to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete and try and win in what I do in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that we have to survive to live here when in fact this is not true I am already here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my environment in reality based on beliefs in my mind I am living as real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind as thoughts as beliefs rather then be here and live within what is really going on in physical reality moment by moment through breath awareness and self honesty.

When and as I see I am going into a point of competition and survival with my environment, I stop and breath, and realize this creates a separation with my environment and everyone in it within a false reality I am living in that I need to be more or am more which I realize is not in fact true inherently.

I commit myself to let go of the beliefs that I am anything that comes from a thought.

I commit myself to let go of thoughts and live from the physical reality, which will build my self trust and self honesty.

I commit myself to stand in the shoes of others and let go of the desire to win.

I commit to walk with others in equality and let go of the idea that I have to be confident to make it.

I commit myself to let go of the survival of competition in this world and I commit to walk solutions with others that create a point of enhancement and betterment of all involve.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153