Walking from Desires to Agreements - Day 357

A point came up tonight where I had to really look at the starting point of something that I desired quite strongly, and within myself I saw when I was met with opposition to my desire by another in my world, I went into an immediate point of defense and protection. It’s the same as like putting up a shield of armor and doing battle with an opposing army, that is what the experience and feeling feels like within my body the moment I see I will not be able to fulfill my desires as I had planned and expected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come into a decision point within my life with another in a point of resistance and expectation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be able to do what I want and planned for it to go my way without hearing the others point of view.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use manipulation within myself towards others to get my desires met at any cost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live principled within each breath, but have my self interest come first and do harm onto another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of resistance and defense when I found my desires being questioned and so potentially not being fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the energy of the picture in my mind of me having my desires met with my will of manipulation before even speaking and hearing what the other had to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be right and so have the final say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the desires within my self interest way of living rather then letting it go and standing as an equal with others and hearing them and considering them equal to how I would want them to hear and consider me.

When and as I see I am going into manipulation to get what I want I stop and breath, and realize that this will only in the end cause self compromise cause I am fighting and manipulating against myself, and so will not come to agreements with others because it’s impossible if I don’t see them as me and so treat them as an equal as how I would want them to treat me.

When and as I see I go into the mind into a desire through a picture, scene, or imagination, I stop and breath, and realize that this is going into the mind dimensions and I am not taking the physical reality into consideration as I am not here within the conversation that is being addressed.

I commit myself to breath when I see this playout of imagination or pictures come up and stop participating.

I commit to stop the point of trying to prove my point or manipulate the situation or the others to get my way.

I commit to hear the other and self honestly consider the others words and perspective equal to myself and decide according to all the information gathered on how I will proceed.

I commit to come to agreements with all parties involved where there is an observed consideration by all and all are heard, and so all come to a decision that is agreed upon after deliberation that is best for all.

Through the tools I have been walking with desteni, they have supported me in stopping this point of going into the self centered actions of trying to move reality to favor me through manipulation and passive force, and learned the act of considering others as my equal. Within this point that was brought up tonight, I was able to after a few moments of seeing the desire increase and the potential for reaction towards the other start to accumulate, I stopped myself and looked at the whole playout of what I was doing within myself and what the other was saying and expressing within him, and found I was able to release these desires and actually hear what the other was communicating towards me about the reasons he objected. And so I was able to, say in a quantum moment, look at the consequences of what the different outflow potentials that were able to occur and so I then could see the direction that was best by opening myself to all the factors and deciding and directing myself in the moment based on the principles I am living, one and equal with all beings in my environment. So it’s cool that with a shift in perspective and priorities, opening myself up to more of what reality is showing me, and choosing the direction within myself I will take after consideration of the real time assessment in the moment, I am able to change myself in real time to stop my desires to be selfish and consider another as an equal part of my world and make a decision based on this equality and understanding.

We came to an agreement about the point I desired, and it was done, no emotions where used, we did look at the emotions though and address them, but it was within a point of self correction and not used in a point of manipulation. So I see I am starting to integrate more into a reality based communication with others in taking the desires and emotional experiences out of the daily occurrences that happen in my life, and make effective agreements based on all the information that is gathered with all the people and factors involved through a decision to do this in fact within myself in the moment it is happening. This making for a peaceful transition from self centered desires to a reality based decision, and working with the physical world around me and the people within it as equal contributors to the final agreement that has to be made. Making for less friction and conflict free living environment because all are considered and all had the chance for an equal say. It’s not an easy thing to give up desires at first, but once I have seen the benefit of this through seeing my world becoming more peaceful and efficient, I have to ask myself the question ‘what took me so long?’

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What are the Benefits to Living Practically? – Day 326

What does it mean to live practically? I have been looking at this recently as it has been brought to my attention to really push myself to conduct myself within this way. Being practical is when you do something based on a reason and purpose that makes sense and will be best for everyone in a real context. These can be big points or small points, you can virtually use the living of practicality within all instances in your life because there will always be a practical way to do something if one take the time and consideration to find it.

There is also another dimension to living practically that will be of use to me within walking my process and I am sure will help all who read this as well, and this point is that it takes away the mind distractions such as points of self interest or desires that one will think about and eventually live, which cause hassle and usually unwanted occurrences. To be in the mind will cause abuse in some way or another as the outflow consequence of these actions will hurt someone or cause something to get misused, and so suffering at some level will occur. This is because one is not looking practically within reality but in a form of need in one’s head of what one want only, and so will make decisions not based on the whole of what one is doing, but to quench only the desire or need that one is thinking about. In the mind, we have the ability to imagine anything, and this imagination is not understood in it’s power and effects within our living. Imagination cause one to not see reality here for what it is and what is in fact going on because one is not here and thus miss reality. We know when we do this within ourselves we don’t consider hardly anyone else and if we do it is usually within a point of self interest, which will not create the desired life one was imagining but much unnecessary consequence.

So in a way practical living makes for a more simplistic life and more structured because one can easily assess what one is doing and what one will walk when you look at things practically, what makes sense, and what the reality is showing to you that is possible. For example, when one want to travel to another country, you will have to buy a ticket, but you only have a limited amount of funds and you also have to spend money in the country you travel to, so you have to consider the price of that ticket. Your mind is telling you that you want to sit in the most comfortable seats with the most leg room, but these seats are quite expensive and will leave you with very little money to spend in the country you go to. Your mind justifies this practical assessment with thoughys that you will find money in the new country, you can work and get paid, and these desire comes up very strong through the energy of excitement of wanting to purchase the first class ticket.

Now, here the practical thing to do based on the assessment of reality and the common sense of what is needed to live is to go in the economy seats and have spending money for traveling. But the problem here is the mind and how much the mind can make it seem so nice and so luxurious and so probable to get money when you arrive, though when in reality it makes no sense to go through and get the first class tickets. Firstly, it is not needed to sit in the first class seats as the economy seats are perfectly suitable for traveling and you don’t have the extra cash to sit in these seats. So based on assessing reality for what it really is showing you, you will want to make the practical choice, which is the economy seats, and thus your life will be much easier when you are in the country you are traveling to because you have enough money to spend. If you go the first class route, you will be less likely to have the ability to do what is needed in the country you travel to because the money is not going to be there. And you will not likely find a job easily, so the odds here are not in favor of the easy, simplistic way of living and are counter to what the practical choice should be.

For me, I would like to live the simplistic and thus practical way of living, not being directed by my mind in desires, wants, and needs, and using my imagination for reality assessment rather then a distraction. With practical living, one will take all that is able to be taken into consideration in one’s reality and from this information gathered use this common sense to come to a solution that will suit oneself within reality best. The key to how practical living will benefit you is that you have to consider yourself equal to reality and once this is realized and lived, your life will become more simplistic in the sense that you can direct it as such because you can direct yourself to be practical, and practical is the most sustainable and self affirming way of living one can live.

I will be practicing my practical living within correcting myself when I see I go into my mind in desires, wants or needs, and bring it back to the physical, considering all and myself within reality, and make the decision that will work best. A practical life is actually a gift and what we have missed that is right here if we realize it.

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Relationship Paranoia – Part 2 – The Origin of Relationship Desires - Day 318

This is a blog continuation of a series, here is part 1:

Day 312 – Relationship Paranoia – Part 1

So here I will be looking at the origin of this desire within me as a kid of liking a boy, and thus wanting a relationship with him. What within my memory and my living situation as a child oriented me to desire to be with another person? The first boy I remember liking was a boy in my second grade class, he was a boy who was shy, but very cute, so his looks where first on my list that attracted me to him. So I will look at this point first of ‘attraction’, and what within this point that creates a point of desire for another in my life at even the age of 8 or 9 years old.

First, I would say what drew me to attractive guys at that age where movies, the movies I watched always had this point of very cute guy or girl within it, to cater to each sexes desire, and they were always the hero’s within the movies. For instance was the movie free willy, the boy who lead in that movie I really liked based on him being cute. And within me, it was this desire to be like that or be with someone that was very attractive. Now, this point is very encapsulating and has been throughout my life, the desire for beauty, what makes the picture of someone so enthralling and enticing, as I look at it here it moves to sex. The desire to have sex with a beautiful person was already engrained in me even at that age of 8 or 9 years old, I may not have known what sex was, but I did feel a feeling of attraction to move closer to these beautiful pictures, and when I was younger, this desire or feeling again was fueled and grew within watching movies. Dirty dancing was the first movie I saw that I actually knew what was happening within the kissing scenes because my friends would talk about it, and then finally I saw this movie and it clicked, and I was like ok, this feeling is what everyone is talking about.

So this ‘feeling’ that everyone was talking about was a feeling or desire for closeness with another, for sex, but here one must question this because it’s not a self movement within a point of contemplation or decision making, but it’s like a pull, and the pull is magnetized towards another I have found through looks and beauty of another, and then the hope of relationship and then sex with this other. So even within the age of 8 or 9, I was already introduced to sex and relationship, and already was starting to feel the pull towards another, a desire to be with them, and at this stage it was based on this other being ‘cute’.

The Origins of desire in relationships therefore I would conclude based on my experiences as a kid would be one main focus is movies and television, what they show on the screen as sex and relationship, and inducing the experience within self of the feelings of lust and sex towards others. And thus what is imprinted within the human watching these movies or tv shows is that you have to be beautiful and sexy to get your desires fulfilled, to get another beautiful picture to be with you, and so I started on this road to be beautiful. The image of the characters on tv are very specific, they are geared to create desires within the viewer, the desire to be beautiful, and what does this desire create within the world system, consumers, buyers, but also devastation as the human view of themselves is skewed. It’s not about self-empowerment and wholeness of self, but these movies and tv series create a need and unfufillment within self, and a desire to perfect self. I will go into detail with self forgiveness and self correction next blog on these points.

So the paranoia that is created even at a very young age through what one watch on the tv screens, is the paranoia of the perfect look to get the perfect relationship, and then get to have that feeling of lust built up now through all the viewing over time on the tv, to find the perfect guy and have a relationship, sex, and then it will lead to marriage and thus security (I wil go into to this in detail in later blogs). So these expectations now, build up questions within self like, “but can I get him, will he like me, dear god, am I perfect enough? How do I get perfect?” And another problem is that children are never properly educated to discern from fact and fiction, and thus understanding how to create a point of self stability within yourself through these fears and feelings that are now created and being fueled on a day to day basis.

Suggest Read: Day 406: Relationship Paranoia Guidelines

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Day 312 – Relationship Paranoia – Part 1

I remember ever since I was a child that I desired a relationship with another person, it was a natural point within me of "I like that boy", and I remember it being specific to the looks particularly, this boy was cute and cool and athletic and funny, and so within me I saw all these desires being fulfilled through this picture I am seeing of this ‘boy’ in my mind and then superimposing this picture onto the physical reality of him through the relationship that would hopefully develop with me and this boy across my classroom. Obviously, not taking physical reality into consideration in anyway as it didn’t at all work out the way my mind planned it to be and pictured it to be, and thus the ensuing development of my relationship paranoia began.

But how as a child did I even know about relationships and being with a boy and wanting it to be so specific as to the look, and personality, and acceptability of this boy, and where I so specifically picked ‘him’ because of these desires being fulfilled of how my mind created them to be and thus how I wanted it to go. So what I am looking at is more a point of where does these desires come from, how do they develop, and what are the consequences within myself and thus within the greater of this reality of how we as human beings experience and create relationships within our lives. 

I will be looking at these very points within this coming series called and will be in relation to 'Relationship Paranoia', where in the next post I will be walking this line of my experience as a child of desiring this specific boy in school, the thoughts and memories related to this through finding the origin point of where and when it started, and to then deconstruct all these point through self forgiveness and self correction to live from a point of self stability that is real, which is my living in alignment with the physical reality. The physical is the point where self can stop this constant state of paranoia, such as the relationship ending for instance through understanding what is going on within self and directing this point of your mind activity and rather live from the physical in alignment with the mind as an equal, where the communication, the living interaction, and the process of self stability and self support within and through the relationship itself is the support and stability that is sound because it's really being lived, and thus can be directed through self awareness to self clarity. So self being the starting point always, asking who I am in relation to what is here and walking the process of letting go of the mind attachments as fear and paranoia that is not necessary and very unpleasant.

So the mind is where we have been creating our relationships from, the desires, the fantasies in our imaginations, the ideas and beliefs of how it should be or could be, the energies of emotions and feelings that are infused and regenerate through living these memories, and thus compromising one’s own self stability to have a real relationship, a physical stable relationship based on common sense and practical support of oneself and each other together. And thus why we are continuing to exist within the world as the mind, as memories, as emotions and feelings, and desires, and so our relationships are falling and unstable and always we are in the constant threat of fear of lose, which in turn creates this constant state of paranoia and nervousness within one’s world. Really I am tired of living in this way, the constant up and down emotional rollercoaster rides and the constant state of paranoia of never knowing will I meet my 'soulmate', will I  have love in my life, will this last, what is going to be the thing that makes this relationship fail, and it goes on, it's time to stop this panic state and start getting real. 

So I will do my best to open the Relationship Paranoia point up in as many dimensions as I can and as specific as possible to examine, deconstruct, and reconstruct the correction of the relationship from paranoia of the mind as we exist currently to the self relationship of stability here in physical reality in what is real and true as self stability one and equal with life. Stay tuned.

Suggest Read: Day 406: Relationship Paranoia Guidelines

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
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Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
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Heaven's Journey to Life
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Equal Life Foundation


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