The thoughts that activate this character are based on thoughts activating attention on my face, as it is not symmetrical, and thus not perfect, so the imperfection that are there, I have defined as less then other human beings because I have allowed this point of perfection to direct me in defining who I am and who others are to me. This is a point that is happening in my internal conversations and backchat, as it’s points that I would never tell anyone or allow anyone in on, as this I would see as a point of vulnerability, which was unacceptable to show as I was competing in thought because I was in compensation for the thoughts of inadequacy I was feeling based on the imperfection and not being able to match up in my appearance with others around me.
Above is from Blog Post, Day 133 – Appearance Character – Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my face’s physical structure as I have defined it within a point of definition based on this idea that I need to have a perfect looking face, where in I judge my face as good/bad based on this idea that my face has to be good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my face based on pictures I have seen on the tv, in magazines, and through media that is in it’s structure perfect, and thus compare myself to this picture of perfection I have designed now over time to thus separate myself and enslave myself to this idea that perfection within my appearance defines who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define myself by the appearance of my face and thus separate myself only based on a desire to have the perfect look as the perfect face, where in I subject my body to physical abuse as I go into emotions and feelings as this desire is met and failed through the cycles of living into this illusion that one can have the perfect look in separation of self through comparision with others, where I realize I will come down from the high.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not realized and thus lived the fact that life is not based on pictures within an attempt to trying to be perfect, but is here within and as the living of every breath, the thought that I have to be perfect, is not based on any tangible point of support for any life, but for my own self interest in wanting attention and to be seen by others as special, so it’s a point for myself to feel good and fit in with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a sense of perfection within my outer look as a way to compensate for the inner turmoil that exist within me, judging life on the outer and not really working with the point that matters, walk the process to sort out the inner separation, to thus not be influenced or defined by the outer in separation to myself as it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others not accepting me and not liking me due to the way I look, and thus create of fear of loss based on the look I have created for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the way I look in my back chat and judge myself towards others in my internal conversations, where in I will go into suppression if I don’t look a certain way that is the perfect picture in my mind.
I foegive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into suppression based on comparing myself to a perfect ideal picture in my mind of what I look like at my best and thus missing me here in my living to develop equality with my world as it has no relvence to what looks look like in terms of solutions and wlaking equality with all life, because all the life here is self in fact.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an ideal in my mind instead of living here in physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create internal conversations about my look and thus judge others looks to try and win.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others in my mind as judging them instead living in integrity here as self as equals as all that is here to create a unity that in fact exist as the physical as self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have created fear of loss in terms of others, and realize that I am here in all and thus I can never be lost.
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