Day 136- Appearance Dimension Self Correction

I commit myself to stop judging my face as a point of self definition of being good, where in I stop all points of comparision to others faces, and thus walk the equality point by stopping the trigger point which would be judging my face as good/bad when I catch a glimpse of it somewhere or look in a mirror.

I commit myself to stop looking at magazines, tv programmes, media where in I see I go into a desire to be like someone or desire to get another, where in I will go into a comparison to see I match up, so stopping the trigger point of looking at the media until I am clear and able to stand within each picture.

I commit myself to stop putting value on my face and thus walk the point of equality as the physical as all physical parts, realizing that all here is physical and so all here is life, the face is just a face and thus need not be separated as a point of definition, so stopping the definition of the face as something more.

I commit myself to stop creating a polarity of perfection within defining life by pictures, as this is only done in self interest for myself to be seen as more and gain attention, so realizing this and stopping going into the thoughts of trying to be perfect and walk the perfection as myself as life.

I commit myself to stop living in my mind as a polarity of perfection where in I stop judging myself, so thus I commit myself to when I see I go into any point of self judgment or judgment from another, immediately take a breath, and stop, and apply self forgiveness until I see that I don’t have any points of judgment come up, thus pushing myself to walk the physical stopping the mind.

I commit myself to walk the process to equalize my inner and outer world, where I am stable as I stand, by walking the process of sorting out my inner reality to stop the points of separations and reactions of others and myself, and be able to walk as the physical with/as life.

I commit myself to stop the fear of not being like, and walk the process of accepting myself/becoming comfortable with myself, so I am not determined by others, but I decided who I am in each moment which is stable as I accept me here as all life and live the principle of simplicity – which is what is best for all, which will always be what is best for me.

I commit myself to live in the here as breath, stopping my thoughts of judgment as well as my backchat of judgment of life in pictures, stop this until it is gone, moving through the thoughts with self standing, not participating, breathing,  saying stop delete, until it ceases to exist and I am here as life and able to stand without any internal backchat of judgments of any sort.

I commit myself to bring myself back to the physical when I see I go into my mind as idealizing pictures, and walk the physical, stopping the pictures, thoughts, using breath to stabilize and move.

I commit myself to stop the internal conversations within myself of trying to be better, by stopping the internal conversation each breath, moving through it, and breathing one and equal to the physical here by moving as awareness in the physical.

I commit to stop fear of loss, by focusing on my self here in my breath, and walking the physical as myself, realizing that life is here as me, and I am one with it, so I use my physical as me to walk this as life, and stop the directing of the mind to tell me how I am, always I decide in each breath.


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Day 135- Appearance Character - Thought Dimension Self Forgiveness

The thoughts that activate this character are based on thoughts activating attention on my face, as it is not symmetrical, and thus not perfect, so the imperfection that are there, I have defined as less then other human beings because I have allowed this point of perfection to direct me in defining who I am and who others are to me. This is a point that is happening in my internal conversations and backchat, as it’s points that I would never tell anyone or allow anyone in on, as this I would see as a point of vulnerability, which was unacceptable to show as I was competing in thought because I was in compensation for the thoughts of inadequacy I was feeling based on the imperfection and not being able to match up in my appearance with others around me.

Above is from Blog Post, Day 133 – Appearance Character – Thought Dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my face’s physical structure as I have defined it within a point of definition based on this idea that I need to have a perfect looking face, where in I judge my face as good/bad based on this idea that my face has to be good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my face based on pictures I have seen on the tv, in magazines, and through media that is in it’s structure perfect, and thus compare myself to this picture of perfection I have designed now over time to thus separate myself and enslave myself to this idea that perfection within my appearance defines who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define myself by the appearance of my face  and thus separate myself only based on a desire to have the perfect look as the perfect face, where in I subject my body to physical abuse as I go into emotions and feelings as this desire is met and failed through the cycles of living into this illusion that one can have the perfect look in separation of self through comparision with others, where I realize I will come down from the high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not realized and thus lived the fact that life is not based on pictures within an attempt to trying to be perfect, but is here within and as the living of every breath, the thought that I have to be perfect, is not based on any tangible point of support for any life, but for my own self interest in wanting attention and to be seen by others as special, so it’s a point for myself to feel good and fit in with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a sense of perfection within my outer look as a way to compensate for the inner turmoil that exist within me, judging life on the outer and not really working with the point that matters, walk the process to sort out the inner separation, to thus not be influenced or defined by the outer in separation to myself as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others not accepting me and not liking me due to the way I look, and thus create of fear of loss based on the look I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the way I look in my back chat and judge myself towards others in my internal conversations, where in I will go into suppression if I don’t look a certain way that is the perfect picture in my mind.

I foegive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into suppression based on comparing myself to a perfect ideal picture in my mind of what I look like at my best and thus missing me here in my living to develop equality with my world as it has no relvence to what looks look like in terms of solutions and wlaking equality with all life, because all the life here is self in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an ideal in my mind instead of living here in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create internal conversations about my look and thus judge others looks to try and win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others in my mind as judging them instead living in integrity here as self as equals as all that is here to create a unity that in fact exist as the physical as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have created fear of loss in terms of others, and realize that I am here in all and thus I can never be lost. 

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2012, alone, appearance, behavior, bernard poolman, best, character, compete, compete to win, desteni, dimension, fear, gladiator, picture perfect, psychology, rejection, survival of the fittest, system, win, equal money system, self change

Day 133 – Appearance Character – Thought Dimension

Looking here at the appearance character, and the thought dimension that activate and thus put me into character as this point of creating myself in such a way that I become possessed by the way I look and how others are seeing me.

The thoughts that activate this character are based on thoughts activating attention on my face, as it is not symmetrical, and thus not perfect, so the imperfection that are there, I have defined as less then other human beings because I have allowed this point of perfection to direct me in defining who I am and who others are to me. This is a point that is happening in my internal conversations and backchat, as it’s points that I would never tell anyone or allow anyone in on, as this I would see as a point of vulnerability, which was unacceptable to show as I was competing in thought because I was in compensation for the thoughts of inadequacy I was feeling based on the imperfection and not being able to match up in my appearance with others around me.

I realize though that I am the one who is creating this within myself, by allowing the thoughts of my face not being the perfect picture I have in my mind, realizing that this has been accentuated and really distorted over time in my head, where when I do not think, and just live, I am fine, I enjoy myself and I see myself as fine. So it’s the thinking that creates the anxiety and the judgment of myself and so towards others that creates the point of weakness within me where I will fall into suppression and limiting my self expression. The thought pattern is based on judging myself usually, and thus with those I see as more then me in their appearance, seeing this point of not being able to compete with them, and thus seeing myself as less then because of this.

This also is within the polarity where I will go into superiority of the same point, where I see that I am seeing myself as more then another based on the way our appearance look. This is initiated within the thoughts of particular points within the appearance look that I have determined as a ‘cool’ way to be, such as the clothes, shoes, hair, the whole look, so it’s like a scan that will happen and from the scan, I will make a general assessment of if I will be able to compete or not, if so, I will gain a high feeling. If I am not matched up, I will suppress myself and thus shut myself down, and if someone makes a comment towards me or I took a point as rude, I will further go into suppression and devolve into myself as a lowly fuck up.

So a key point of the thoughts within initiating the thinking of comparison and judgment of others and self will then bring me into the point of self victimization, where I find that I go into blame towards my body features, such as why do I have to be this way, why can’t I just be the way I like, and allow emotions of anger and irritation towards my physical because I am not happy with the way it is. This is absolute self abdication, as first I am allowing myself to be defined by the picture only of the physical and separate myself from what is here as life as the entirety of the the physical consist of within and as me and also within the world as a whole. Also, separating myself from my responsibility of what is here in terms of my physical body, I have created and thus manifested my body as is based on the way I live. Disease for instance is not created based on the body saying ‘hey man, I am going to fuck with myself here, and give myself a disease because I don’t like the being in this body.’ No, I am the being in the body as well as the physical that is manifested as the body as well as the mind that is infused and merged throughout the physical body, I am the one who is creating and directing the mind which is a parasitic entity within and as the physical as the physical body as myself, and thus through the thoughts, reactions, memories, personalities, that I am continually accepting over the years of the mind eating and storing itself in the physical itself, the disease and misalignments develops and accumulates, it’s a physical consequence that is created and manifested through my participation alone within the mind over time.

So the thoughts that I accept of blame and anger towards the physical body, is only pointing the finger at myself and showing that I am abdicating responsibility for my own self-creation as disease and misalignment in the body. I have to take responsibility for my thoughts, actions, memories, and all the other mind components, to align the physical body to perfection as I perfect my living equal and one to it, so the misalignment is showing me that I am not self perfected within my living and still allowing the mind to direct. For now, I have to walk my consequence and start accepting responsibility of myself for what is here, as a gift as the physical, which gives the path to birth life from it unconditionally even though it’s been abused by self for ages. Quite a point to consider for self, and stop the abuse of the physical for my own self abdication to living in the mind in illusion missing what is here in reality, life. 

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2012, alone, appearance, behavior, bernard poolman, best, character, compete, compete to win, desteni, dimension, fear, gladiator, picture perfect, psychology, rejection, survival of the fittest, system, win, equal money system, self change

Day 132 – Appearance Character – Fear Dimension

Here looking at the fear dimension of the appearance character, where I go into fear based on not being accepted by others as I believe I have to be the ‘best’ within what I look like as my ‘appearance’ to be accepted by the this system, so it’s a form of survival based on defining myself and limiting myself really to the appearance of how I look. Within this fear, it is based on fear of being alone, not having resources to be able to move, and on a process level having to take responsibility of myself completely as I have allowed isolation as a way to escape to not have to face this accept of myself. So will walk some self forgiveness on these aspects of the fear dimension of keeping myself locked and limited into the appearance character as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear of not surviving due to my appearance picture not being accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my appearance character will not be able to compete with other’s so thus I will not be able to survive in this system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to compete in this system if I don’t have my appearance picture being able to compete and thus win against others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself based on survival and thus be directed by the mind as I instruct it to be defined by looks and looking the ‘best’ in picture as physical look, clothes, hair, make up, shoes, and thus define all other beings within these judgments of what is best, I separate myself from life as I have separated myself from myself through allowing the appearance of myself be more valued then life as me and all others around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a separation of myself as ‘I need to look best’ as the appearance character activate within and as me, and thus cause abuse within behavior and words as points such as jealousy and inferiority will activate as well as their polar opposites to thus separate me from life as what the characters of the mind where designed to do, because life is not valued based on what one look like or being the ‘best’ as this is not equality, life is equal and thus valued equal among all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my status as  the winner as within this there is the succulence of the mind energy that when one activate it, is quite addictive as the feelings of power, gaining system rewards such as fame, money, sex, and thus abdicate my right to life based on separating myself from life for these temptations that the system offer, but when one realize the limitations we have set upon ourselves, this process of self honesty and self forgiveness to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into isolation as suppression within myself as I have created the fear of not being the best, and so thus created this as such an extreme within my emotions as feeling disappointed and jealous towards the other who I se as better then me, I will hide and not want to face myself with others, so to escape avoiding the thoughts in my head that I have allowed to direct me in thinking that life is about winning and to be the best in the appearance as self is the ultimate way to get the survival I fear losing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others who I see that are more then me as I have created a fear of abuse from them as I have held onto abuse from the past, and thus defined my future from my past, repeating the same patterns of fear and isolation to not have to face these fears and really change for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change in where I have to face the thoughts that I can’t do this and I can’t be that, and thus walk through them, and live a change that supports me and assist me to be comfortable with myself and come from a starting point of the physical here as breath, stopping the thoughts from directing me as this is the point that is separating me from life here as myself, and really enjoy living, so I see thinking is the activation point, and thus needs to cease to exist by me stopping it from directing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection from others and thus being alone and thus associated this rejection to my appearance, that if I am rejected or perceive that I was rejected that this is automatically based on me not looking ‘my best’ within my appearance and thus will go into the pattern of immediate self sabotage as I will go into thoughts of ‘I am ugly’, ‘I will never attain my desires’, which is self interest as I desire to be the best and gain the power of others attention on me.

Will do self corrective statements, and then follow with the next dimension of thoughts for the appearance character. 

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