Day 5 - Abomination as a human

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become a human that has disrespected and made degusting the life i was given as a gift from life itself, which i see, realize, and understand resides within all here as the physical.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my physical body and living substance in a way to help defile and deform the gift of life as the physical within the equality equation of common sense one plus one equals two. 1+1+2.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek pleasure and glorification of who i believe myself to be in my mind based on the feelings i am generating from thinking about who i think i am as a portal/god type being, instead of breathing in these moments and finding the will to stop my desires, and get into the common sense of the matter that if life is still not being cared for on all levels, as starvation, war, poverty, and my own self insecurities are still rampant.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be two faced as the split i have accepted and allowed myself to become, one in my mind in desires/fears, and one in the physical as my physical body in a way in chaos not realize through abdication of responsibility what is real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not stick to the equality equation as accumulated living steps to the commitments and agreements i set out to live, but instead desired self glorification and pleasure where i am the king/queen, regardless of the state of myself as this world and my life, which is not what is best.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not hold the entire ecosystem of life within me, but the mind's desires, wants, and ideas which when measured with the ecosystem of the natural/physical world i live in, doesn't equate to be balanced.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire the fruits of this life, without standing in the principle of the physics of the living flesh, which is one plus one equals two, and thus create an abomination of a human being, as life is not able to stand within what is best as the best is tainted with evil, equal live backwards, not balanced.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow others due to lack of effort in walking the equality equation of one plus one equals two, but instead desire others to walk for me, and me follow which causes a lack of accountability and responsibility to the direction my life will go as it's now in chaotic flow, rather then what i can do to the best of my ability and will, which is to walk within directive principle as my living word/action and forgive myself when i am seeing this is necessary as well as live the corrective action to stop the evil and abnodation of human being i have become to one that births life from the physical and gives back to myself the breathe of life as me here balanced as my thought, word, and living action.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a belief that i am a good person or i am an evil person, and within that polarity separate myself from the mechnaism which is my physical breathe by breathe living in a way that will support others as has supported me.

I commit myself to stop the experiences of lostness and shame to direct in each moment I am given to support others and myself to see that life is able to be free within the principles lived that is best for all.

I commit myself to stand in the shame of what has happened to show and let others see that not standing in one’s self honesty and self responsibility to be a human being with integrity through the equality equation, you lose a great sense of self understanding and self awareness, and it’s not worth it. 

I commit myself to help myself out of the shame and holes of doubt and fear I have created for myself to again stand and do my best to live in a way that is best for all.

 

Desteni.org 

How to Live the Word Extreme that Service All Life - My Findings - Day 587

Extreme

Continuing with living this word for myself, i wrote some sf and a blog last night on this word and the programming within it, and found it was due to the extremes of energy distractions i have lived into in the positive as indulging in these feelings, being happy, being excited, being curious, being elated, ect. in a way how i physically stand within these points in my body is it's a rush to my head from my solar plexus/stomach area in many cases and warm sensations come over my body and within my head area i am following a line of thoughts, pictures, and im off somewhere in my mind in a way distracting me from the self responsibility I am to face, understand, and change within walking my desteni i process of self forgiveness, self honesty, and living change until it is done.

The polarity of these extremes has been wanting to rebel against the system and those i blame for creating it, underneath that I found deep petrification of survival and death, so still working through these memories, though the realization and change process i am seeing to walk and in a way have redefined this word extreme to be from the outer world as my behaviors through the mind as separation in positive chase for the experience of feeling good for a moment and so balancing it out with the negative experiences of most fear, instead flipping the script and working with the word from the within to the without of self.

I am redefining the word extreme to be an inner fire, passion, that point of life essence that is burning inside of me, pushing, gentle yet in the ultimate strength of never giving up, never giving up on life here in what is best, and using that will as self as my realization and understanding of who i am as life, as the source, as the solution into my expression for all to learn from, be supported by as I have been supported, and creating life here, through the worst, coming through the ashes like a phoenix, that life force that makes it possible to breath and live, that is what extreme i will live, for life, the passion and fire that burns within to use as a force for what is best as my own self will, as my own living word, as who i am in all ways until it is done.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

www.destonians.com

http://www.desteni.org

http://www.earthhaven.org

Self Forgiveness (Day 1):The Beginning of Self Deprecation - Day 579

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

For most of my life up until I have started to walk the desteni process and realized i have the power to change myself, I was living very much in self-insecurity and self depreciation, which in it's outflow led me to become angry, revengeful, abusive, even physically violent.

A lot of times in my childhood I remember feeling crazy inside myself like there was a person inside me that wanted to just rip out of my skin and scream due to the rage at times that would course through my body. I often was driven to punching and kicking people in my world, becoming a bully towards those who I saw as weaker than me and then creating a huge petrification of those who I deemed more then me. Resulting over time in a unstable person who could barely function in society and just wanted to be away from people, finding indulgences to quench the petrification that was eating away at me, and be calm for a while, then the voices would come back, "what is out there that can harm me, when will i be harmed, will i be able to survive on this planet, will I be strong enough" and so fear became rooted within me.

I did not, in fact, want to fight or be a bully, but I saw no other way out, everyone around me did the same thing, there were very little examples in my world of those who were at peace and lived peace in there lives, cared for others, and took self-responsibility. And I became equal to that survival system, competing with everyone, fearing my survival, and so it came out as bullying, not being patient when people made mistakes, not taking responsibility to do what is best for others, and so creating a fear-based world that was maddening and not what life is supposed to be about.

I see how I have taken on the anger and rage from family history, copying it from many, it's amazing how much we influence others and they us. This is why it is important to walk the process of self-purification, to know thyself and so be able to direct self in what is best to thus direct others to what is best equally so as how you would like. So living out my bully nature, using passive-aggressive force to move people to do what I want, manipulating in fact to get the desired result, and when my expectations are not met become rigid and cold. I see this pattern play out in my responsibilities at work at times stemming from an impatience I have found because there is an ego self-interest point i am defending and that is not to have to do extra work and also believing that I am better at my job than others and so I have the 'right' to say this in this way or do that to get that result, not in full consideration or being my best self. And thus causing ripples to outflow that are harmful and abusive, which is in need of correction and self-forgiveness.

So I am working with both insecurities and self-righteousness as a polarity design playout within this whole programming I just wrote out, balancing out the systems in place of not actually standing within the patience of what is here and the step by step process that must be walked in this physical reality to get the results that are grounded, long lasting, and best for all. I take short cuts and in life, short cuts always catch up with you, the best way to move forward when one has seen living that is not supporting life is to forgive ourselves, write out the corrections, and walk new in life fresh, here, breath by breath, creating a new you. because I see that taking this on will release the self-interest within myself and thus collapses this polarity design I am battling within myself, and do what is best regardless of the scenario.

Self Forgiveness to come on these points shared.

Thanks for reading.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org
http://www.earthhaven.org

Dependency - Day 576

I have been seeing within this specific relationship I have in my head toward a particular being that I enjoyed and want to get to know more, but they are not showing signs that they want to get to know me more intimately and deeply. There is a couple points of reaction I am seeing causing this point of compromise within me where I am reacting in anger, jealousy, inferiority, and desire, and through this is based on projections I am having of what could be, what I would want to have happen, fear of lose, and so I am seeing this is all being created because I have allowed this point of dependency on others to define and so give myself direction in my life instead of creating this for myself.

This is stemming from my childhood where my parents always supported me with giving me words to who I was in a positive way, and so taking on this positive outlook of myself and in a way believing that this is all I am. Then others in my reality showed points of negativity where I would then start to question who I was within me due to a belief that I am defined by the words of others and believing that what is said to me is who I am. This obviously causing conflict within me, a desire to be a follower of others who give me positivity, seeking out those who give me this, and so create a dependency on this experience I get within me when someone gives me a compliment or an experience is created from the words or actions shown by another that is making me have feelings of acceptance, cause within myself I am not giving this to myself and directing myself through living words that are best for self and so best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on the words and gestures of others that give me an experience within myself of positivity, where the experience of feelings come up as energy that I follow as a ride I go on, and from there when the energy has diminished within me as energy feeling and so the ride I was on is over, I go into a depression, a sinking, an experience that I am now less because I no longer have the experience within me of feeling something ‘good’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the experience that come up within me as points of energy with thoughts of how another will give me something or gave me something such as a positive loaded comment where I experience myself different from the usual lack of confidence I have experienced myself within due to the lack of positive feedback I have received from my reality and so created this seesaw within me as conflict of feeling less then myself here as a being that is physical and present, and so become dependent on others in my reality to show me who I am and within that, be defined by the energy experiences within me as energy that comes and goes as the fleeting moments in time I participate in, which is participating in the mind consciousness system feeding off the reality I am living in instead of standing one and equal within it and directing who I am based on my living as words and so actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts within my mind of ‘I am not able’ ‘I am not good enough’ ‘I need a partner who will give me a sense of my self as a ‘nice’ person and through this compromise my stand as life here one and equal to all beings here, where I am not dependent on taking from others and within this needing others to support me to live here as a being of worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the words of others within me through energy as positive reinforcement where I have defined myself solely on what others say to me rather then standing as a point of support for myself as myself and walking with reality as me as a stand for life as a pillar within who I am as I live and so from here am able to be an equality and oneness with others in all ways and be interdependent in the sense that I am not in need of others to give me life as energy experiences in me I follow and ride, but I give life to myself as living words as my self honesty in action and so can give life as I equally receive the life of who others are here in return and thus expand and learn about life here in oneness and equality in what is best for all.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed jealousy of the relationships of others that is built on solid ground and are a living example of what this stand as this point and so instead of creating this for myself, I disempower myself through self interest and create jealousy because within myself I am in self diminishment as I am not as of yet walking the path of self forgiveness, self honesty, and so living change to become empowered within myself as I change who I am from dependent on others to standing as an equal and realizing the oneness that does, in fact, exist here and that can be created as this equality is lived through words I redefine and live for myself and so share who I am with others on solid ground as I am grounded in my living here by actually standing within me and without equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger toward others in my reality to have what I want instead of realizing, seeing, and understanding that this has nothing to do with the other beings in my reality, but all to do with my own compromise within myself as I am showing to myself that at this time I am standing as not willing to walk the path of correction, which is a process of realignment in my living to define who I am within and so to the without in self introspection, self forgiveness, and living change and become my own understanding and presence of life as I live the correction process I walked in writing or sounding within self-forgiveness to learn what it’ll take to walk the path and process of self standing, self-empowerment, and self real-i-zation of the reality of self being here in who I am as my words redefine to align and so become one and equal with my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at others in my reality who are standing as this point through and through, not realizing, seeing, and understanding that this anger has nothing to do with beings in my reality, but all to do with my own self anger as I am understanding within me I am compromising myself due to laziness, apathy, and non movement of the path and process that is required for reprogramming who I am in these moments of dependency on others and so creating myself in reality as a real being who speaks words and stands as my own living words as I redefine who I am in writing and sounding forgiveness and directing myself in my reality in total self-responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat hate and spite of others in my reality as I accepted and allowed the experience of self-pity and self inferiority, through this only diminishing myself and my own stand in my reality as a being with integrity and the maturity to do what has to be done and walk the necessary physical steps of change required to walk the path of self creation in self responsibility in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not showing me the reality of what is here and so blame others in my world in many ways for not being there for me, when this is actually a gift and doorway to the path of forgiving myself for my miss-takes and living my forgiveness where I change myself to stand on my own two feet grounded in reality and standing as an equal as I redefine who I am as life in words that are supportive and best for me and so will equal and one support others as well.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others in my reality and so diminish within the experience i have created of a belief that i am not as good as others or i am better, creating a lack within me and so a lack in my living where i go into an experience that i need something someone where because within myself i am not giving it to myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create competition to beings in my world that i see that have what i desire, instead of realizing that i am not standing within myself as a being with integrity to walk the actual walk it takes to stand as that beings equal in care, regard, and consideration of what is best for all, and in that spite myself as life and become compromised as life as a diminished version unwilling at that moment to walk the process of change. 

I commit myself to stand in the words integrity as my internal grit to walk the change necessary to stand as an equal to life as i live what is best for all in regard of all and create myself within  my lviing to be here present as the precense of myself willing and able to create agreements that is best for all and no longer need or particpate in mind games as competition, comparision, or spite as i let go of these experiences within myself as i walk the living change necessary within me and so give myself as life within  my living to create what is best for self and so best for all. 

I realize and understand that I am able through and through and in fact is the only way to walk the change process necessary to create myself as a real being in my physical living that stands as a equal in my words and so is able to be independent of the energy experience I have accepted and allowed through becoming polarized in my reality through energy as emotions and feelings, I commit myself to let go of thoughts through breathing, and live the word independent as a point of reference that I have a process of physical change that is necessary through writing and living words that I can direct myself within and so live that is best for me and so best for all.

I realize that I am whole responsible for myself and the change that is required within to stand as a plus one in the reality as my physical presence to align back in the physical world as an equal walking the breath here in what is best for all through living words of support for self and flowing like water in my reality to change who I am to stand in this regard where it’s about who self is and how self lives here.

I commit myself to walk the dimensions of mind compromise I am existing within that separates me from life here in equality and oneness in what is best for all and so the cross-reference I can use as support is the polarizing within me of energy and the experience of dependency that comes up moving into breath and living words such as independent, self worth, self love, and self responsibility to change self in the moment to let go of energy and physically live the correction to stand as an equal as my living matches my words that is here as me.

I commit myself to let go of the experience of blame onto others as I take responsibility for my own experiences through walking the process of self change to live as an equal to others and so live as a pillar within me that is self sustaining as I walk the process of self purification through self forgiveness and become real as a being that is in physical.

I commit myself to redefine the word dependent to stand as a dependable being who walks the talk of living words that I redefine and live in alignment with all life as so honoring the life within and so without equal and one as a being that is in fact equal and one and not taking from life and not giving as I'd like to receive first and foremost. 

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org
http://www.earthhaven.org

Some More on My Journey with Self Honesty and DIP - Day 574

Photo Source

"2. The Principle of Self-Honesty

Reflecting on myself and seeing every part of me (the good, bad, and ugly) without bias or judgment so that I can take responsibility to change that which I no longer accept and allow."
http://desteni.org/about-us/desteni-principles

So in past blogs I shared on different aspects of self honesty and how I have lived these words for myself, though this process is a journey I have found, it is not something that I can see ending. This is because self-honesty always challenges you, always pushes you to your outer limits and then pushes beyond that, so it's like an expanding (as I see it) adventure we are on. The adventure is the process one walks as you touch depths that have been untouched for eons of time within self, we have through alignments being made and lived, finally got an understanding of who we are and how we relate to the mind consciousness system. This is explained immensely in eqafe.com and all topics of human and all life.

This process of self-honesty also requires real humility and understanding as one face the most intense parts about this world and about self within it all. One point I have found that has been solid throughout my ten years of walking this process with self honesty is the fact that whatever opens up and is here to be introspected and considered in my honesty, I find the moment it opens up I realize and have a trust within me that I will see it through, that I can handle it, that I must walk this path and see it through to realize who I am within it. I find this point of adventure is lined within this process of self honesty because one is always pushing the edge of one's existence, though it also is a simplistic process in terms of the repetition of tools that are used and support you throughout, they are often referred to as 'The Basics'.

The self honest path of life brings you to question yourself and ask yourself who will you be in the face of your own abuse, the worst of yourself, the pain, the suffering you caused others, and deciding in moments how to direct oneself through all the accumulated consequence that has been accrued. This task seems scary at times and at times it is, though through these moments one can and does empower oneself if lived in self honest consideration and live the solution that is best for all. I have fallen hundreds of times, but that does not stop me as it is said it doesn't matter how many times you fall, what matters is that you get up and make a change for the better. This is what matters, the life that is being created through these realizations of self in one's own inner self honest moments one is going to face and decide on.

There is always support, one must though align with one's self honesty and live this as who one is to access these parts of self that have always been here, waiting to be 'found' and 'discovered' yet it is just an illusion, we have always been here walking with everything, self honesty brings what is real into awareness for us to face and live as a redefinition to keep walking the path of self creation in what is best for all.

Enjoy.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org
http://www.earthhaven.org

When is Enough, Enough? - Day 559

I have been exploring and applying this concept of having enough with something and changing direction within myself for the purpose of bettering my life and having a positive impact on the world around me. Though, I often thought of this concept or idea in a way of feeling good about it, wanting to access and achieve this goal, feeling like i am a hero if i indeed say enough is enough and so live it. What usually happens in such cases where i just start imagining living the statement enough is enough and thinking about it, is that I would eventually fall because I didn’t in fact do anything physically to live out the change. Fascinating how we can trick ourselves in the secrets of our minds. You can also test this, start thinking about a pattern you want to stop, go into the experiences of how it will be when you do stop, and from there in the next hour or the next day go and implement the imaginations you saw for yourself to stop and get to your goal. You will find that it is very difficult if not impossible to implement such change with such swiftness as the mind did in your thinking. That is because physical reality is real and takes actual creation, actual movement, and this requires ones self will to in fact do change self and remain consistent in it day in and day out. It's an actual doing rather then just sitting back and letting the mind do all the work with thinking.

So what I started to realize about this idea of ‘when is enough, enough?’ is that I was making it into a personality, making me feel a specific way such as powerful, important, superior, yet this did not in any way help or will me to actually live the change out in physical reality. What do I mean by creating a personality or a persona? It is like creating a character in a movie, pretending to be the hero in the film, saying all the right things, moving in all the right ways, and moving around the stage in the choreographed way to save the distressed person, but all the while it was never real as it was make believe, not being who one really is because when one actually go to reality and try and stop it becomes like climbing a mountain thousands of feet tall not enough of self is in the actual physical reality to be able to climb such a feat. The mountain being seen as impossible, when it's not that it is impossible, one has to only build the resolve and stamina, build the self, and live the change necessary to see it through. This can only be done through physical effort and movement otherwise it goes into the mind and off into image-land where it's easily let go of, given up on, and forgotten because it was never real, self was not here living it, and so it is not done for real.

These dimensions I had to work with for myself to in fact become a person who was no longer desiring fake persona’s, but working with the actual reality of myself and through that finding a way to will myself to change to in fact live the statement enough is enough. This is where the real journey starts because I had to investigate and understand myself within the patterns I was working with to stop, I had to forgive myself and stick to the corrective process of change I saw that would indeed support the change needed to stop and live differently. Also within this underlying the whole point the entire time one is applying this phrase is the unconditional nature of consistency that is embedded within living the statement enough is enough. One in fact has to become absolute within the consistency of the principle of what is being lived or rather the why you are doing what you are doing and also through that I realized that I also have to be flexible. 

There are in moments new dimensions of learning that can come into view in any given moment as one has stopped a particular point one no longer see is best, and so this new information or knowledge so to speak has to be considered, applied, and see if it is best. Thus potentially dropping the old and embracing the new, what matters is not the flow of the journey, but who one is within it and how one lives self honesty in doing what is best for all as this will always be best for self. This will take time, patiences, and a level of self willingness to be challenged and be courageous to stop one's addictions and live the statement enough is enough, I will change so all have the ability to change, and this world can change to be best for all. This is the more difficult path because one is going against the grain of what has always been comfortable and easy for oneself, though this journey is most rewarding as it builds a empowered practical being that has a willingness and proven ability to change self when it is understood to do so.

The purpose I am walking within myself in the statement of enough is enough is absolute in the sense that I am willing myself to stop all abuses within me, in my thoughts, in my words, and in my actions to become a being that is self responsible and able to be trusted with life, and this is a decision and purpose I have to keep assessing, keeping in my focus, and applying in my everyday life. As again it is not the usual path or the easy path. My function is no longer to be of service to myself alone, but to be of service to all life because this world indeed needs to change, and if i can’t change myself how will the world ever change. Only self can determine the hows and the whys of the statement enough is enough for one’s life, but putting it into practice makes for a powerful being, best to walk what is best as this will always in turn be best for self and create a world that is best for all. We need more empowered beings in this world that stand up to stop all abuse and say enough is enough, I will stop and I will change to be the best I can be in service of all life, let's stand together as plus ones in the statement of enough is enough of the abuse to life, til here no further I stop, I change, I live what is best for all.For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.


Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Living Words Process and Support:
https://www.facebook.com/schoolofultimateliving/


Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004


Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com


Self Supportive Material -
www.Eqafe.com


Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org


Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page


Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...


7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Kind - Redefining the word to Live - Day 552

Kind

Artist: Andrew Gable 

Andrewgableart.com

Allocation point:

I desire to be a kind person, someone who is supportive for others and gives a solid effort to make others feel secure and it being a genuine interaction. So there is a desire to be kind but in myself i don’t feel kind, i feel off, bad, not good enough, like i am a fraud and i feel like i can never be kind, good, and best.

Dictionary Definition:

noun:

a group of people or things having similar characteristics.

"all kinds of music"

synonyms: sort, type, variety, style, form, class, category, genre; More

character; nature.

"the trials were different in kind from any that preceded them"

synonyms: character, nature, essence, quality, disposition, makeup; More

each of the elements (bread and wine) of the Eucharist.

"communion in both kinds”


adjective:

adjective: kind; comparative adjective: kinder; superlative adjective: kindest

having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature.

"she was a good, kind woman"

synonyms: kindly, good-natured, kindhearted, warmhearted, caring, affectionate, loving, warm; More

antonyms: inconsiderate, mean

Etymology:

kind (adj.) Look up kind at Dictionary.com

"friendly, deliberately doing good to others," Middle English kinde, from Old English (ge)cynde "natural, native, innate," originally "with the feeling of relatives for each other," from Proto-Germanic *kundi- "natural, native," from *kunjam "family" (see kin), with collective or generalizing prefix *ga- and abstract suffix *-iz. The word rarely appeared in Old English without the prefix, but Old English also had it as a word-forming element -cund "born of, of a particular nature" (see kind (n.)). Sense development probably is from "with natural feelings," to "well-disposed" (c. 1300), "benign, compassionate, loving, full of tenderness" (c. 1300).

kind (n.) Look up kind at Dictionary.com

"class, sort, variety," from Old English gecynd "kind, nature, race," related to cynn "family" (see kin), from Proto-Germanic *kundjaz "family, race," from PIE root *gene- "give birth, beget," with derivatives referring to procreation and familial and tribal groups.


Word Play:

know thy (i) mind, kin find, know the line, know i’m fine


Negative placement:

I see that i desire this thus believe that i am not this, and thus there is a slight belief that i can not be this as i believe that i am inherently not kind but evil

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be evil and not good and thus when i want to live the word kind it’s false as i am not this inherently.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am inherently not a good person or an evil person and thus believe that i can not be then kind when i see, realize, and understand it’s not about what i think of myself, but who and how i in fact live in the moment here in what i can create as myself instead of moving into a form of self hatred and self sabotage.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my efforts within my living, believing myself to be not good enough or evil and so within the mistakes i have made in my life, hold that against myself forever more so i never actually truly forgive myself, but hold onto the energy that i am not good enough.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thoughts that i am bad and evil, when in reality, i am ok and decent as i do move myself in the physical to correct myself and learn from myself and so in the moment i do my best to learn and grow which is being kind to myself and others as i become better.


Positive Placement:

The positive of this word is where i am kind and make others feel good, and within that gain compliments from them and thus use this as a way to boost myself and my ego of experiencing myself as more then, superior, and thus become enlightened in a way feeling lighter then i did a moment before as i have been lifted by the comment and thus associate kind with getting something positive out of it like a comment or a nice gesture back.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be kind to others based on a desire to get something in return as i have become addicted to the positive feelings of comfort and belonging and supported and within this create a experience of myself as being included and through that fuel that polarity of being excluded and thus a loser and when i am included feel good, popular and secure.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen by others as included, popular and thus do acts of kindness to get this stand within my peer group or those i am with to be able to stand on good terms with them and thus have more of an ability to be secure and safe in my enviroment because i have deemed the world is unsafe and will fuck me up if i don’t have security.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into fearing the world and the instability in the world as i have accepted and allowed myself to fear it within myself, and so ignore it, judge it as bad, and suppress it and use positivity as good feelings to distract myself from what is actually real within me as the hell that i have been living within but ignoring as well as the hell that is in this world that i have been living within but ignoring with positive things such as family, compliments, and ego as group popularity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go a step further within this design of fear and protection where i have deemed others who are not in this group as popular or cool based on specific looks and behaviors as bad, not good people, ignorant, and losers when in reality i am fearing to be placed in that group and thus fear the abuse i have received equally so as i am doing to those that are not in the popular/cool group and thus perpetuate the separation of myself within myself through fearing being there and thus running away from it and separating myself from others by labeling them and comparing myself to them, and using experiences such as a feeling of being cool and popular through using kindness as a way to get in and so i can be secure and safe from these judgments and abuses that i have done onto others and so equally done onto myself and thus fear and separate myself from so it doesn't happen to me and i can ignore it as if it doesn't exist, this only fucking myself and all life as it's not real and consequential very much so.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the word kind as a way to keep my limitations in place as fear of people and fear of abuse, and so please people with kindness so i am secure with them and leave behind all those who don’t fit in this cool group or are kind and allow abuse and harm to be done onto them because i myself accept and allow it within my world and myself as i fear it and thus create it and keep it in place by doing nothing to stop it, understand it, and thus find solutions for it.

I commit myself to use the word kind as a way to check in with myself and see who i am within my mind, am i accepting and allowing separation as this fear of judgment and abuse or am i facing myself, my fears, understanding them beyond the energy, and finding solutions that are best for all.

i commit myself to release this fear through living the word here, understanding as i get to the root of what is here as the issue/problem within self and so within others and walk solutions that will be best for all.

i commit myself to live the word inclusion where i stand to include all as self as i walk here seeing all as life and within that the potential of the best that can be lived as i practice living this inclusion equally with myself.

I commit myself to live the word physical as i see all as substance, life, and stand within myself as this realizing i am walking a process of correction and realignment within myself as my mind from separation into the physical equal and one and this is a process, yet what remains is life here and is equal and one within all as self.

I commit myself to live my words within and without until i am here and it is done.

Re-definition of the word Kind:

Kind - i have redefined as a know thy (i) self as the mind - where i within myself understand who i am within the actions i walk as a being in this world, and through that understanding, alignment to what is best through self forgiveness, and living my correction through living words that are supportive of what is best, that process being walked will create a being that is kind as i know myself, my mind, and thus am able to support others in this process of understanding, correction, and alignment back to life through living words, which is what real kindness is, bringing life back to life as and through self’s living example in what is best for all.

For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Living Words Process and Support:

https://www.facebook.com/schoolofultimateliving/

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Self Supportive Material -
www.Eqafe.com

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004

The Sorrow of the Human Being: Who is I - Part 2 - Day 549

Photo Source

Within this point of looking at the current state of the human being, I will bring this point back to myself, back to the personal, back to who I am as the state of myself as a human being, and through this share my self and my experiences and realizations of how I have understood and so came to be who I am here today.

For many years, most of my life, I have been in a way feeling as if i am a shell of a person, the experience of myself internally was sort of like a self contained prison in a way, and this prison was constantly moving and changing, though always existing in the same way, like patterns that would repeat. I would get some pleasure once and a while, but this pleasure was distorted and confusing as I learned that pleasuring myself and pleasure in general was not the norm, and there was certain types of pleasures that were bad and not to be openly discussed and enjoyed, such as the pleasure of exploring my physical body or enjoying a piece of cake, it was always filled with a threat of some sort of harm being done on to me either with a stigma attached to self or a consequence that was unpleasant and looked down upon by others.

So I never actually truly enjoyed myself as pleasure, but was in sort of like a fog and constant fear of having these memories I had in my mind of the worst case scenarios keep popping up, haunting me in a way while investigating and exploring this part of myself as i was growing up. This also then formed into the imaginations and fantasies of creating pleasure in my mind, what i could do or where i could go and how i could live all in the confines of my own mind, but again this was never actually materialized thus it was a constant loop system with no tangible value created in the physical, that when i did get a chance to experience something pleasurable in reality it becomes an extreme, something i desired, something i craved, and then an addiction would be formed. An addiction is another prison as a point of self propulsion to something that i wasn't in control of because i didn't know why i was creating it and thus it became very difficult to stop it, seemingly impossible actually.

And here is where the consequences of such interaction with myself, my enviroment, and my internal world as my mind became prison like, this was due to the emotional experiences that i let infiltrate my being and take me on a ride that all who can relate, would really like to get off of. Yet, we can not, it’s a ride that continues, and continues, and continues, and every where we go and every one we meet are all on this same ride though we do not have any clue how to get off because we have no clue what we are in fact doing and we do not have the full capacity to know as it was designed to be this way. We are caged to our own internal selves, some cope well with this in society as society has been designed in such a way to cater to the enslavement of the beings that accept and allow it.

This we have all done and all participated in over eons of time, though on this planet it has become physical, we are here within a prison in our own selves, our own making, and we can even see the physical manifestations we have created to show to ourselves who we are as actual physical prisons we send ourselves to. And I can attest to this as i have lived it as i am sure we all can relate to this, and this anguish is energy in motion, it’s this ride, it’s the ups and downs, the explosions and the regrets, the fear and the remorse, the beliefs and the bullied, and so much more, we are seeking the good, the positive and avoiding, resisting, and running away from the negative. I am running away from myself, this inner turmoil, this cage, this prison, and within this running I am running straight towards it. What a vicious game you may say? It depends what your starting point is and always realize there is solutions, we are always capable of living and creating solutions that is a fact, though by the will of self it will be done.

What i haven’t understood for most of my life and the principles that govern life, and this life I speak of is the eternal life that has always existed, the life that resides within all, the life that is our physical world and the breath of life of each one. What i haven't understood was who i am, i never actually looked at this question, and within that i never believed that i could do anything to change my life. Though what i did know and could understand within me was there was a fire, be it small, yet it was here and it was burning in side of me. It was like an inner calling of my insides, something deep inside me, and this is the quest i have been seeking solutions for and so i started asking questions - the QUEST to Solutions. And this is when i found my saving grace, I found myself, and my self's ability to stand up within myself and change for the better. This has changed everything for me and everything about me, I am humbled by the understanding and also passionate about the change that is taking place internally and thus externally in my world because as within self so without. This is a principle of life.

As is said in the above eqafe interview quotation, ‘equality and oneness and what is best for all can become the saving grace of humanity’, so the solution is here, life is here, and self is here, the human being though has a process to walk to align back to life as we have de-manned ourselves through abdication of ourselves as a responsible being to ourselves and so to all life.  We must face our consequences, each and every one yet all equally and build again, stand before all life in humbleness and humility, and walk again in a structure and flow that never again allows what has been lived and existed in this earth as the horror and abuse. It is the time to stand for life within self and so within all that we are honorable and we honor ourselves and so prove this within our lives, our living, and in our world. The time is here and living solutions is at our fingertips, we just have to take action and this we is me.

For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Self Supportive Material -
www.Eqafe.com

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004

The Sorrow of the Human Being: Who is I - Part 1 - Day 548

Here i am looking at a dimension of vulnerability that I have noticed and has more and more been opening up for me, and this dimension is the absolute sorrow of being a human being in this world. I am noticing throughout my living day to day through different movies, shows, people i meet, people walking around, and most especially myself because i am with myself all the time, there is this sorrow within me and i can see this sorrow in the depths of myself and also in people walking around and it’s like a horror in a way. We have become so lost in our everyday lives because of the state and condition we have participated in and created in this world. This sorrow within me that i have sensed and noticed within all humans, is deep, it feels like its coming from the depths of our souls so to speak, where i just want to scream, shout, and stop everything that is going on around me and within me to just have it all stop. Though it never does, this world continues, the abuse continues, this sorrow within me continues, and it just continues on. There is also deep regret as well and i have found this leads also to extreme amounts of rage and destruction due to the fact that it feels like there is nothing we can do about this energy, about our living experience, and about this world of horror that we are seeing play out everywhere. Some may deny this, some may brush it off, some may call me a downer or negative, but every single human being knows exactly what i speak of. It is unnamed, it is gripping, and it is fierce this force that i speak of.

What i have realized is that one of the core reasons and originating points of this rage, sorrow, and destruction we have exhibited in our living world is based on the response and experiences of our childhood. Where we are born into this world and as a child that is vulnerable, innocent, and helpless in many ways, we in a way ‘hope’ that we will be treated with care, real naturing care and understanding by the adults of this world. We though receive waves of powerful energies that make our bodies churn and twist and restrict in the most horrific and uncomfortable ways imaginable, some of us are physically abused, some of us are mentally abuse, some of us are sexually abused, and some are all of the abuses in this world. We have all been abused since childhood and then we grow up and do exactly as the adults in this world we learned from, become destructive, abusive, and horrific in our behavior toward each other. You may not do this directly, though if someone is abused it is equal and one to you as the abused and the abuser, we are both as we are accepting and allowing it to exist in our world, we are this world.

We as adults have become so accustomed to the abuse of children, not even realizing as adults that it is abuse because we as adults have become so brainwashed and programmed to believe that abuse, reactions, and destruction is a natural pattern of life in this world, we forget about the innocence we once were as babies, as children, and so we put it out of our minds, become distracted with survival, and so we repeat the same mistakes and abuses we hope would just stop as children. We as adults become numb, hard, and ruthless in the face of a ruthless and heartless world. And this we see everywhere, the absolute horror and disregard for life as the innocence even unto the most vulnerable among us in all species and forms. We are a race that has programmed ourselves through forgetfulness to abuse, ignore, distract, and destroy ourselves as our world and we pretend that we don’t know any better. We pretend that we are good, we pretend that we are righteous, and we pretend that we are not responsible. Though this is real life, this is our reality, this is actually happening to all on deep levels as we are all interconnected and equal in this reality. Nothing of mind illusion is real, no one is better then another, that simply does not exist….you hurt another being it hurts just the same as if you did it to yourself.

This i found is within myself what has caused such rage, such sorrow, such anger, and it is from the depths of myself, the abdication I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and to allow such a world to exist as, abuse and destruction. The torment and destructive nature that we have gotten to within our world and the amount of abuse we see accumulating, this is a point of madness we are experiencing within ourselves because we all realize and understand that it could be completely different, something of a place like heaven on earth. And even to those words, we scoff and say ‘no, that is impossible’. Though we miss the obvious most often because we are not living the obvious, but the complicated as the multi-dimensional reality of illusion we have created as our mind consciousness system. As we see even in the word impossible, what does it read? I am possible. We are possible.

So words i have found have been a key saving grace for humanity as we have indeed forgotten ourselves, who we are, where we came from, and what we have within us as our own directive principle - a life force that connects all and is equal within all. Thankfully to those who came before and are here still, walking what is best for all life, walking the principles of who we are as oneness and equality, standing in full responsibility of self to stand as the solution and create it, I honor life, I honor those who walk with and as life, and so this honor is mine within who i am as my words, how i live within and without, and what i am sharing is that there is a way to forgive self, correct self, and so correct this world. We are much more then the beliefs that we/i have created for ourselves, there is great potential, though each one has to find, develop and live this within self. And this is where desteni has come in, not only shaping and shifting my life for ever, but many others who are equally as committed, dedicated, and steadfast in changing self to stand in full responsibility, correct that which is not best, and forgive self for the mistakes and blame perpetuated. This desteni of the universe as the process of birthing self as life is here for all and all are welcome. It’s a journey of self purification and in a way self discovery and life is here to support, though self must always walk through the door. We are the solution and i am in deed possible, so investigate, understand, realize self responsibility to the whole, and thus see that the physical is the solution, we are here on the earth as the physical, thus we are the solution - each and everyone.

Thanks for reading, part two to continue my understandings and realizations as I walk my journey to life.

This supported me today in understanding who we are as life and the power we do have in self responsibility through self change:

"Totality - Tow-tally-ty - tallying up and towing the load, the practical process of taking responsibility for ALL of /as self, where self through writing and self forgiveness walk through one's entire mind consciousness system and this physical existence in detail - walking self-introspection within, finding (tallying) all the parts of self of self-separation as consciousness/mind, transforming self's relationship with self to an agreement with all in equality and oneness, and within doing this 'towing the load' as walking one's physical-consequence as the physical-world creation that self created as consciousness/mind and within facing consequence: simultaneously develop/find/implement solutions to the future of self of all, to not again recreate the same process of humpty-dumpty's great fall, having to pick up your own pieces and put yourself back together again which is quite a lengthy process, but to be able to eternally stand firmly rooted/grounded into/as this existence that FALL will never again exist in this existence, as we STAND eternally." - Bernard Poolman

For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Self Supportive Material -
www.Eqafe.com

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...


Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004

Eqafe Hangout: The Consequences of Deceiving Self Honesty - Day 547

Many thanks to Gian Robberts for sharing his perspectives and

experiences on this topic. 

Gian's Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/gian.robberts

Interview discussed on Eqafe: 

https://eqafe.com/p/consequences-of-d...

Gian and I will be discussing this fascinating interview on a being walking his realizations in his life review through portal at eqafe on what he faced when he found himself deceiving his own self honesty within his life in relation to having a child. We will share our perspectives about the information that came through, and how it is supporting us in our processes through the mind into self creation. This to stand as a steward of the earth and support the creation of a world that is best for all life. 

Interview Synopsis:

"How can a few words spoken in one moment change the course of an entire life?

Why is self-honesty absolutely critical when making long term life choices?

Why can the price be quite high when we make choices that are not in fact self-honest?

A being shares how, in one moment their entire life changed, and how they had to re-assess who they were and how their life will unfold."

Links to Check Out for More Support:

A Chat with Sunette Spies: The Interdimensional Portal from Eqafe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGp9D...

Eqafe Site

http://www.Eqafe.com

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course -

http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Forum support: 

http://forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:

http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:

https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DIPLit

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -

Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4404004