Self Forgiveness (Day 6): The Truth behind Desiring to be Alone - Day 584

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be alone and not have to deal with people in general, where I am content with being by myself with my dogs, my family, and my friends that I chose to have in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generally despise people who torture animals, torture people, torture the environment, torture nature, and in general abuse and harm the life that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very picky and choosey with who I will allow in my world and who not, and become arrogant and generally standoffish to those who try to enter my world that I deem not welcome or too much or too needy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become self-righteous in my beliefs of myself that I am ok alone and that I am not any of things I judge of others for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as nasty beings in many different ways and deemed not worthy to spend time with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself where I fear that I will be judged by others and seek out not to face that rejection and humiliation of not being liked or not being seen as acceptable so I push others away first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as not cool or not attractive due to what they do or where or look like because within my own self I equally judge myself in this way, making my reality about comparison, competition and the eventual separation of beings here in secret parts of the mind that manifest eventually in the physical as war and abuse onto life, the very same abuse and war and separation I am despising others for doing to life here equally so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat anger toward others in my world who are showing a desire to get to know me, connect, and build a relationship because within myself I am not clearly directing myself and in fear of hurting others because I am in a belief that I don’t know what to do or say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief in my backchat that I am not able to direct a situation with beings in my world instead of walking the steps of writing and investigating where this point of friction is arising from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to anger and self anger for not direct myself properly to a resolution that is best for all, but be spiteful and blameful toward others who are in no way responsible for these thoughts and behaviors I am participating in that is causing outflows of compromise and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to get close to others for fear of being rejected because I have been rejected in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other peoples rejections and words personal to me instead of working with the information objectively and learning from the experience in a way where I grow and expand to be a better version for myself and others as well.

I commit myself to stand within a point of self support for myself where I learn to let go and take others words and rejections if it happens like the wind blowing in and out as a point of life happening and through that learning to ride the winds as the words and rejection as a point of directing myself in the best way possible to clear and calm waters within through self acceptance and self love as who I am within and without to others.

I commit myself to stand in the shoes of others and consider my words and actions through and through within who I would like to be if I were the receiving end where respect and honor is taken to do what is best for all including what would be best for me in my own self honesty.

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Confidence in the Mind when Alone – Part 7.3 – Day 369

Featured Artist: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Visit more cool art here: Desteni Artists

This is a Series, here are the others for reference:

My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361

Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362

Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363

Opening Up Confidence In the Mind – Before/After Starting to Walk Process – Part 4 – Day 364

My Experience with Confidence In Appearance - Part 5 - Day 365 

Opening Up Confidence within the Mind – Money – Part 6 – Day 366

Confidence in the Mind – In a Group/Alone – Part 7.1 – Day 367
Confidence in Group Dynamics – Part 7.2 – Day 368

Just a point to put into the physical as words and that is that I will be writing everyday for the next year as I realize that it just takes a decision and actually living it, so I have it here, and will live it into life so I can trust my wordswithin myself as I have in fact lived them, build my self discipline, and push self movement to a point of naturalexpression for myself, building a solid foundation within who I am to live from. Thanks for reading and the support.

Today I will write on the point of having the experience of confidence within a situation where I am not in a group, but alone within my own doing. This comes up at times when I have done something where I have received some recognition, and this something was done within my own will and action. Through receiving praise for the actions I preformed well, I gain a point of confidence and arrogance over others in a form of seeing that I am more valued and so more worthy in the eyes of those who praised me based on ‘my’ work and those who have received no praise they then are below me. I see that I do not create a point of equality within the environment I am in, where each have there own skills and expressions, but I move often within competition and seeing where it is that I can gain over others and get ahead.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to when I do a project or work on my own, within my mind I have backchat desires to be recognized as the best and the most accomplished based on my desire to make the most money and gain the most prestige.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on how much I make rather then ensuring that who I am is based on principles I can live with into eternity and so within this walk the practical common sense steps to ensure my physical living conditions are functioning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire prestige with others and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on others view of me rather then defining myself in each moment that I am here based on the living of myself in reality, how I contribute to life in the greater as well as within self, and am I worthy of life in the way that I exist in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and annoyed at others around me when I see that they are not working in the same pace as myself, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become reactive and harsh toward these people when I have allowed the energy to accumulate to such an extent that eventually I go into conflict with them and say things that are harmful and abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind in backchat of how others are not doing a good job, and they are slacking, and they are making more money then me, and I should be getting the mostmoney because I am the best here, and so create an illusion of entitlement within myself based on thoughts that are not physical based but only catering to my self interest to be seen and gain feelings of excitement and happinesswhen I am recognized and also competing to become the highest paid due to a belief that I deserve it over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within my own mind believe myself to be the best and deserve the highest pay due to the belief that alone I am excelling over others, but in reality, I don’t know how others work in terms of their capabilities and their production, I am not in there shoes and so I should not and can not judge others for this as I would not want to be judge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within my mind in a desire to be the top paid and be the best in my existence alone in my thoughts, when in reality, I am not alone, I am with groups of people interacting on many different levels and many different connections, and so I am not anymore or any less then others, but have to walk a functional way in reality to ensure all are equally consider and so all are equally able to live in the expression they are in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in my own world within myself and so build this experience of confidence based on the beliefs that I am so much better then others when in reality I am scared to face myself, face others, and be shown that in fact I am not the best, and so I realize that this is showing that I am in fact only existing as a point of ego desiring my own satisfaction in my mind where it gives me stimulation as energy and disregard the reality of the physical where I am effecting and influencing others in a harmful way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a way of ego where I only consider myself and only desire my own satisfaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to stay in my own world so I am not challenged and can continue to pretend I am the best when in reality this is not in fact the case as I abuse others in self interest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that being best within this physical world is living within a point of self direction where I move myself in a point of support and assistance of doing what is best for all as I realize that will equally always do what is best for me, anything else is self interest and so abuse will in fact be created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others due to my desire to be the best and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gain a false sense of confidence within the belief that I am the best when in fact none of this was real because it did not stand in the physical based on the conflict and abuse I have given others within reaction rather then self movement in support in what is best in self trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself in reality and so I stay stimulated within my own mind world in beliefs and ideas and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to separate myself from reality and abuse others due to my desires of self interest where I can hide and escape alone in my own mind world.

When and as I see I am going into a point of existing in my mind world and walking alone in my world creating beliefs and ideas about myself in relation to reality, I stop and breath, and realize that this in fact is not real because I am not walking in the physical with how I am existing within my mind and so it will in the end cause abuse and harm as I have already seen happens within my world in many instances because I am not taking physical reality into consideration and all others into consideration as how I would in fact want to be consider as an equal.

I commit myself to stop the mind reality of beliefs that I am better then others and deserve more then others.

I commit myself to walk the physical steps that are here to be walked to ensure I create the outcomes I have as my goals and not debate it in my mind as this is where I will manipulate myself to gain stimulation as good feelings and so abuse will occur.

I commit myself to move in physical reality by breathing and moving myself when I see I am going into reaction and do what it takes to stop the reactions through the tools shared at desteni.

I commit myself to support others as myself as equals when I have proven I am here and can direct myself into a physical stability and common sense solution, and so have stopped the abuse within a polarity of being more or less.

I commit to build self confidence through actually living the actions to the outcome I have set for myself and stop thinking and reacting to it in my mind through escaping into a mind reality of energy stimulation which is not real and cause abuse to occur due to self interest only being considered.

I commit myself to let go of self interest desire and walk as others in there shoes, and support life as how I would like to be supported in moments where I see I want to react and go into self interest, I stop, breath, and move into support as an equal.

Eqafe Interview Support that I Recommend:

Insecurity: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 148
Insecurity: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 149
Insecurity: Insecurity-Confidence Polarity - Atlanteans - Part 150
Confidence: Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 151
Confidence: Practical Support - Atlanteans - Part 152
Confidence: The End - Atlanteans - Part 153

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Equal Money System - Site

Day 136- Appearance Dimension Self Correction

I commit myself to stop judging my face as a point of self definition of being good, where in I stop all points of comparision to others faces, and thus walk the equality point by stopping the trigger point which would be judging my face as good/bad when I catch a glimpse of it somewhere or look in a mirror.

I commit myself to stop looking at magazines, tv programmes, media where in I see I go into a desire to be like someone or desire to get another, where in I will go into a comparison to see I match up, so stopping the trigger point of looking at the media until I am clear and able to stand within each picture.

I commit myself to stop putting value on my face and thus walk the point of equality as the physical as all physical parts, realizing that all here is physical and so all here is life, the face is just a face and thus need not be separated as a point of definition, so stopping the definition of the face as something more.

I commit myself to stop creating a polarity of perfection within defining life by pictures, as this is only done in self interest for myself to be seen as more and gain attention, so realizing this and stopping going into the thoughts of trying to be perfect and walk the perfection as myself as life.

I commit myself to stop living in my mind as a polarity of perfection where in I stop judging myself, so thus I commit myself to when I see I go into any point of self judgment or judgment from another, immediately take a breath, and stop, and apply self forgiveness until I see that I don’t have any points of judgment come up, thus pushing myself to walk the physical stopping the mind.

I commit myself to walk the process to equalize my inner and outer world, where I am stable as I stand, by walking the process of sorting out my inner reality to stop the points of separations and reactions of others and myself, and be able to walk as the physical with/as life.

I commit myself to stop the fear of not being like, and walk the process of accepting myself/becoming comfortable with myself, so I am not determined by others, but I decided who I am in each moment which is stable as I accept me here as all life and live the principle of simplicity – which is what is best for all, which will always be what is best for me.

I commit myself to live in the here as breath, stopping my thoughts of judgment as well as my backchat of judgment of life in pictures, stop this until it is gone, moving through the thoughts with self standing, not participating, breathing,  saying stop delete, until it ceases to exist and I am here as life and able to stand without any internal backchat of judgments of any sort.

I commit myself to bring myself back to the physical when I see I go into my mind as idealizing pictures, and walk the physical, stopping the pictures, thoughts, using breath to stabilize and move.

I commit myself to stop the internal conversations within myself of trying to be better, by stopping the internal conversation each breath, moving through it, and breathing one and equal to the physical here by moving as awareness in the physical.

I commit to stop fear of loss, by focusing on my self here in my breath, and walking the physical as myself, realizing that life is here as me, and I am one with it, so I use my physical as me to walk this as life, and stop the directing of the mind to tell me how I am, always I decide in each breath.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

2012, alone, appearance, behavior, bernard poolman, best, character,compete, compete to win, desteni, dimension, equal money system, fear, picture perfect, psychology, rejection, self change, survival, system, win

Day 135- Appearance Character - Thought Dimension Self Forgiveness

The thoughts that activate this character are based on thoughts activating attention on my face, as it is not symmetrical, and thus not perfect, so the imperfection that are there, I have defined as less then other human beings because I have allowed this point of perfection to direct me in defining who I am and who others are to me. This is a point that is happening in my internal conversations and backchat, as it’s points that I would never tell anyone or allow anyone in on, as this I would see as a point of vulnerability, which was unacceptable to show as I was competing in thought because I was in compensation for the thoughts of inadequacy I was feeling based on the imperfection and not being able to match up in my appearance with others around me.

Above is from Blog Post, Day 133 – Appearance Character – Thought Dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my face’s physical structure as I have defined it within a point of definition based on this idea that I need to have a perfect looking face, where in I judge my face as good/bad based on this idea that my face has to be good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my face based on pictures I have seen on the tv, in magazines, and through media that is in it’s structure perfect, and thus compare myself to this picture of perfection I have designed now over time to thus separate myself and enslave myself to this idea that perfection within my appearance defines who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define myself by the appearance of my face  and thus separate myself only based on a desire to have the perfect look as the perfect face, where in I subject my body to physical abuse as I go into emotions and feelings as this desire is met and failed through the cycles of living into this illusion that one can have the perfect look in separation of self through comparision with others, where I realize I will come down from the high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not realized and thus lived the fact that life is not based on pictures within an attempt to trying to be perfect, but is here within and as the living of every breath, the thought that I have to be perfect, is not based on any tangible point of support for any life, but for my own self interest in wanting attention and to be seen by others as special, so it’s a point for myself to feel good and fit in with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a sense of perfection within my outer look as a way to compensate for the inner turmoil that exist within me, judging life on the outer and not really working with the point that matters, walk the process to sort out the inner separation, to thus not be influenced or defined by the outer in separation to myself as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others not accepting me and not liking me due to the way I look, and thus create of fear of loss based on the look I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the way I look in my back chat and judge myself towards others in my internal conversations, where in I will go into suppression if I don’t look a certain way that is the perfect picture in my mind.

I foegive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into suppression based on comparing myself to a perfect ideal picture in my mind of what I look like at my best and thus missing me here in my living to develop equality with my world as it has no relvence to what looks look like in terms of solutions and wlaking equality with all life, because all the life here is self in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an ideal in my mind instead of living here in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create internal conversations about my look and thus judge others looks to try and win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others in my mind as judging them instead living in integrity here as self as equals as all that is here to create a unity that in fact exist as the physical as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have created fear of loss in terms of others, and realize that I am here in all and thus I can never be lost. 

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki




2012, alone, appearance, behavior, bernard poolman, best, character, compete, compete to win, desteni, dimension, fear, gladiator, picture perfect, psychology, rejection, survival of the fittest, system, win, equal money system, self change