Here looking at the co-dependency I have built specifically towards a mother figure in my world, where in I will allow myself
to fall into a submissive state such as a child learning or waiting for
direction from their parent, usually the mother, as the mother is the one how
spends the most time with the child, where the father usually is out working.
This is the dynamic in which I grew up, so I will be focusing on the mother
figure, in where I became dependent on the direction and instruction of her to
let me know how to live, and what best to do, as this was always available and
given to me when I was stuck or confused within my childhood. I was the younger
ones of six girls, so I had not only my mom to look up to, but also four older
sisters, who I looked at basically in the same way, a person to look up to and
give me direction when needed. I believed myself to be a child, and thus never
questioned their authority or guidance over me, as I assumed with age is
wisdom, and they know best as they have lived longer them me, and thus are more
experienced to know better then I would.
In a way, I have gotten use to this role I play as the child
like adult now, where in I still feel in that same position, that I don’t know
best and there will always be others who will know better then me, and thus I
can learn and understand how to do a certain task or project from them. Never
really in moments where I am unsure, will I take the initiative and really
investigate and find out how to do something, I rely on others around me, who
show traits of motherly nurturing, and gravitate towards them for some good
advice and guidance.
So seeing that I have created this idealized being as the
mother figure, where in I will seek this person out if I don’t know or
understand something that will give me direction and at the same time nurture
me meaning make me feel good and secure as well as showing me the way so to
speak. This creating within me a dependency on this mother figure in my world,
to help me when needed, and is unconditional within this help as I have created
this point of immaturity that I need elders to help me, even though, I am
perfectly capable of helping myself, and walking the steps to learn and walk my
own self sufficiency so thus I am not dependent on any being, and thus using
them for my own gain.
This also, causing a form of laziness as I know that I will
be able to get help somewhere, and thus not have to push myself to become self
sufficient and walk the necessary steps it will take to learn the processes of
life and whatever it is I am doing, and thus stop the dependency on those who exude
that motherly instinct, in which I have idealized as someone to be trusted and
knows best. Abdicating my own understanding and creating this submissive role
that is created when I allow others to have authority over me, even though, I
don’t necessary agree or desire such help, I accept it and compromise myself
because it is easier and I will always have a security point to look for and be
looked after.
This eventually creating consequences as I become submissive and
create a fear of standing on my own, as I have allowed others to walk the walk
for me, and I just step in when the time suits me and I feel secure, but
nothing will move as myself, if I don’t push out of the box, and find out who I
really am on my own, in my own process of self understanding and understanding
of life as we walk here as equals. I can never be equal with all if I have
created a dependency on a mother figure in my world, to keep me secure and
informed because I am afraid to make mistakes and be left in the dusk.
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki
co-dependent, eqafe, mother, motherly love, equality, relationships, i need you, submissive, lazy, child, children, childlike, immature, desteni, teamlife, 2012, journey to life
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