Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Day 137- “I Need You”

Here looking at the co-dependency I have built specifically towards a mother figure in my world, where in I will allow myself to fall into a submissive state such as a child learning or waiting for direction from their parent, usually the mother, as the mother is the one how spends the most time with the child, where the father usually is out working. This is the dynamic in which I grew up, so I will be focusing on the mother figure, in where I became dependent on the direction and instruction of her to let me know how to live, and what best to do, as this was always available and given to me when I was stuck or confused within my childhood. I was the younger ones of six girls, so I had not only my mom to look up to, but also four older sisters, who I looked at basically in the same way, a person to look up to and give me direction when needed. I believed myself to be a child, and thus never questioned their authority or guidance over me, as I assumed with age is wisdom, and they know best as they have lived longer them me, and thus are more experienced to know better then I would.

In a way, I have gotten use to this role I play as the child like adult now, where in I still feel in that same position, that I don’t know best and there will always be others who will know better then me, and thus I can learn and understand how to do a certain task or project from them. Never really in moments where I am unsure, will I take the initiative and really investigate and find out how to do something, I rely on others around me, who show traits of motherly nurturing, and gravitate towards them for some good advice and guidance.

So seeing that I have created this idealized being as the mother figure, where in I will seek this person out if I don’t know or understand something that will give me direction and at the same time nurture me meaning make me feel good and secure as well as showing me the way so to speak. This creating within me a dependency on this mother figure in my world, to help me when needed, and is unconditional within this help as I have created this point of immaturity that I need elders to help me, even though, I am perfectly capable of helping myself, and walking the steps to learn and walk my own self sufficiency so thus I am not dependent on any being, and thus using them for my own gain.

This also, causing a form of laziness as I know that I will be able to get help somewhere, and thus not have to push myself to become self sufficient and walk the necessary steps it will take to learn the processes of life and whatever it is I am doing, and thus stop the dependency on those who exude that motherly instinct, in which I have idealized as someone to be trusted and knows best. Abdicating my own understanding and creating this submissive role that is created when I allow others to have authority over me, even though, I don’t necessary agree or desire such help, I accept it and compromise myself because it is easier and I will always have a security point to look for and be looked after. 

This eventually creating consequences as I become submissive and create a fear of standing on my own, as I have allowed others to walk the walk for me, and I just step in when the time suits me and I feel secure, but nothing will move as myself, if I don’t push out of the box, and find out who I really am on my own, in my own process of self understanding and understanding of life as we walk here as equals. I can never be equal with all if I have created a dependency on a mother figure in my world, to keep me secure and informed because I am afraid to make mistakes and be left in the dusk.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

co-dependent, eqafe, mother, motherly love, equality, relationships, i need you, submissive, lazy, child, children, childlike, immature, desteni, teamlife, 2012, journey to life

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