Day 140- Desiring Approval from Family- Self Forgiveness

Wanting approval from my mom, and if given the approval from my mom, my family will usually follow suit, I desire their approval based on not wanting to lose the support/security that is automatically given when I am in good standing with them. Also, I tend to define myself through their approval of me, such as them being the the last say for me, and then will change myself according to their words, beliefs, opinions, ideas, and so change who I am because I placed more value in how they see things rather then how I see and understand things, like they now better then me.

When I don’t get the approval of the family, I will go into anger and spitefulness and I feel like I have lost a part of myself, and so don’t know how to move forward because I have always moved according to the group consensus and not by my own volition. This showing to myself that I am accepting their way of living and seeing things over my own understanding of life as I have walked it and thus diminishing my own self support within living because I am afraid to stand alone and be fully responsible for my words and deeds. I will be writing self forgiveness on letting go of the desire for the families approval and the fear to stand on my own in my own self trust and self support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my mom/families approval because I have always defined who I am and what I am doing through what my mom/families sees and speaks as the right thing to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on another’s words, beliefs, ideas, opinions, and thus change myself according to the approval of them without considering myself and my own self honesty within the living of change I am implementing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I will be without the approval of my mother/family as I have allowed myself to believe that I don’t know who I will be without this outside influence showing/telling me how to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my trust in another over myself because I always believed I am not good enough/capable enough to make the right decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when my family agree on a point, and I stand alone, then I am automatically wrong due to majority rule, even though I realize and see that what I am speaking and seeing is best for all as I walked it within self honest introspection, and thus show myself how it can be mapped out to be best for all, which is a simple point as their is no middle road, it's either best for all or is not, and thus I have to decide to walk the path and live the bath to create this point best for all, it's an individual decision all must make and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not as capable and knowledgeable as my family members, and so diminishing my own self empowerment by creating and living out these beliefs that i am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that if I don’t live within self honesty within myself, I will not be able to really be here, as with being in dishonesty in my living, I am creating backdoors and secret agendas, and so allowing the mind as illusions to direct me into separation, and thus accept and allow the abuse to life here by accepting myself to allow self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly want my family approval so I can live an easy life and not have so much conflict in my world. I realize that when I compromise myself due to fear, I will not be able to stand in what is best for all as I am not standing within myself as the decision of who I am but split within basing myself on others, and thus will waver and not stand when necessary, which is unacceptable as life will only accept what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately accept dishonest behavior because i want to be safe and not have to push myself to face the fears of standing alone, and failing. I realize within standing up part of the process is to fall, so thus understanding this and using it as a learning tool, where I stop taking the fall's personally, and simply breath and walk the correction to thus stand as life again, walk the change i see is relevant and stop the fear from directing me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed fear to direct me in not facing myself and accepting the mind to control me.

Self Correction Commitment Statements to follow.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Matti Freeman

Check Her out here:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MattiFreeman
Blog: http://www.matterfreeman.com/

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/mattifreeman1

Music: http://www.soundcloud.com/mfm-radio

2012, child, childlike, children, co-dependent, desteni, eqafe, equality, i need you, immature, journey to life, family approval, conflict, mother, motherly love, parents, security, relationships,submissive, teamlife