Thursday, August 16, 2012

Day 106 – Jealousy Character




When looking at the relationships I have towards others, one I tend to go into is the jealousy character, where in a go into a point of spitefulness towards another due to this belief that I can’t have or am not as good as another. Using the Jealousy character to diminish the other beings in my mind, but within reality being nice and pleasant to their face. Obviously, this is a dishonorable way of living, and thus I apply myself within self-forgiveness to stop this character from directing me, and be able to walk as equals with all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the jealousy character within a point of reaction towards my feelings I had towards another where in I made a decision that I can not be as expressive as this being, and thus feeling less then, so thus I feel uncomfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of inferiority towards another being based on defining myself by another’s expression in a moment, and thus seeing myself lacking, where in I am not taking in the full context nor considering the whole being as the other and myself within the decision I made that I am inferior, and thus decide based on a single momentary assessment of another that I am inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions and thus trust feelings within myself as uncomfortableness and feeling less then instead of investigating the starting point to why I am reacting to a being expressing themselves in life in such a way as I realize feelings as reactions are not real as they come form the dimension of the mind which is illusion, and thus base myself and others on the feelings I have towards them and myself which are not real rather not practical nor conducive to create a decision about myself or another on these illusionary feelings such as feeling uncomfortable and less then, but rather investigate the origin and sort it out through writing out and living the corrections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to this being who I created a jealousy towards based on seeing that I am not a being who can freely express and thus using the jealousy CHARACTER to justify myself to go into my mind and create a point of diminishing her because I believe that I can not be this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t be expressive and free within who I am based on holding onto the past, and thus through understanding this origin point as my past, I realize and see that I must walk through the memories that created such a belief of can’t be expressive and openly free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in my head as jealousy and thus use this character to abuse the other whom I superiorized to me, and diminish with such words as ‘they are ugly’ ‘they have family issues’ ‘they can’t get a boyfriend’ points where I find what their ‘weaknesses’ are and use that as ammo for my myself as my mind to make me superior again within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in my mind to make myself superior to others I have judged myself less then by using nasty and degrading thoughts within my mind to make myself feel better because within myself I have created myself as a weak person and thus I can not be helped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use separation and abuse of others to make myself feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse of others in my mind and thus am to cowardly to say these points to their face as I would fear losing them as a friend, but is this real friendship, no as this is a lie, a lie that I only can see and know about, but a lie none the less that is creating separation within myself towards all life, and unnecessary conflict within myself towards other beings just being and walking their own processes, while I gain nice feelings because I became superior again within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach memories to others where in I see someone who is more expressive then me, then I immediately think back in school of how I was not able to express myself with others freely due to being shy and fearful of ridicule, and thus when I see a being who is openly expressive I attach this memory to them and thus allow the jealousy of me not being able to do that direct me to abuse and degrade in the mind towards the expression I would like to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an emotion as unworthiness as depression when I see a being that is more expressive then me and thus immediately go into a heavy feeling where in I slump and have a hard time just being here, and thus blame this depression point on the being whom I am seeing and thus judging as being more then me because they are able to express more openly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use emotions and memories to create a judgment of a being simply expressing in the physical as the physical in what way they are, and thus go into self judgment because I have not let go of this depression of being shy and not able to express myself in class and fear facing this and taking responsibility for myself as this jealousy character and stopping it and changing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame any being based on my own irresponsibility and desires, and thus go into my mind and degrade them for points that I don’t face as myself this fear of expressing and being open with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this memory of me at school not being able to express myself with others due to fear of ridicule or screwing up direct me and still have power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame any being for the way I am creating myself and thus not taking responsibility for my own actions and decisions and thoughts as memories within my own mind and thus become degrading and abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the jealousy of another direct me when I realize this is a point that I don’t want to walk through and face as I am accepting and allowing fear of others ridicule to direct me and thus abusing others because I am being in fear thus causing deliberate abuse which is unacceptable.




jealousy, not good, competition, separation, creating enemies, losing power, depression, being nasty towards another, character, acting, bully, ridicule, desteni, equal life, eqafe, journeytolife, 2012

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