Day 83- 'I am a Tough Female" Character - Part 1

Here walking through the point of considering myself as a tough female and how I have defined myself in relation to males and females in this world in a point of competition and fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as a tough female because within myself I saw myself as weak and thus I overcompensated for the weakness within me with this tough exterior that I would present to others to be seen in a certain way to hide the fear I felt within myself towards others presences. I realize and see within this point of defining myself as weak and thus manifesting myself as strong on the exterior is splitting my expression within who I am thus I will be not able to be stable within it thus shifting back and forth and equality aligned as self here as physical is lost. Within this I realize to stabilize myself I must walk the point of defining myself as weak/strong by letting it go and walking here as breath to align with my physical body and life as one with me through living this within and as physical expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as weak within myself based on taking points personally within how I have been treated by others where they would call me names and I would create an idea within this that I am thus weak and not strong because others are being nasty to me thus I must have something wrong with me to be treated in such a way. I realize within and as this point that one I can not take other peoples words personally as I realize all here are walking the process of self realization and thus all beings are on different levels of process and thus 'do not know what they do' so to speak as many are not as aware of process, mind systems, and who they are in relation to it yet, so thus I walk patience and understanding in equality to life and stop myself from taking others worlds personally.

Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when as a child deliberately abuse and name call others in my world who I defined as weak and thus gave myself the permission to call them out and abuse them because I beLIEved it was ok because I was better then that other based on the definitions I held of being more superior thus I abused life equal and one to how I was abused so thus I could be shown and understand that life is equal in all ways and I will get what I give, so thus here I realize and understand that I must stop abusing others in this world and walk the physical process of understanding and getting to know another through becoming this as myself and stop the abuse as ego to try and be seen as more thus this is to accept myself and see that I am here no need to abuse others in self interest. I realize within this point of showing myself to myself when I diminish another I diminish myself and in return will receive what I give so rather I use my understanding of who I am as all life and live equal and one as how I would want to be treated until this is who I am in every breath. I stop the abuse of life as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within this comparison point as a child found that when I demonstrated that I was tough and was able to compete with boys that I gained respect by the males and thus within myself found that I enjoyed this respect as I saw females in fear due to not seeing myself pretty in relation to them so thus I always saw myself inferior to the females as in school it was much set up within groups and I did not see myself fit into the group of girls that I desired to be with that were the popular ones as I saw them all as prettier to me and thus wasn't able to win here, I had no chance within this competition point.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the children within  my school years as females in particular as unapproachable and in fear based on not seeing myself equal to them within looks and thus judging myself as less then. Within this judgment going into an inFEARior stance towards them and not feeling ok around them, thus I avoided them and went into diminishment within myself when around them. To equalize myself as my ego of desire to be perfect/best/on top, I would within this point of inferior towards them go into the same point I was seeing towards myself towards the other females by seeing then females as weak. I realize within this point that the females as my classmates where no threat to me nor was I inferior to them here as physical beings, but created this in-fear-ior stance towards them based on not accepting myself as who I am as physical life but desiring something more, desiring to be seen as pretty/gain the most attention/be perfect within myself so thus I can within my world be on top, be able to compete with others, and thus be able to survive in my world with others. I realize that I do not need to survive here so I must stop my separation within myself, see myself for who I am, and let go of the judgments and desires to be seen as the best/prettiest/most perfect, and stop the judgment of others and diminishment of others by letting go of my ego and be equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself within and as an inferior stance towards the females in my world based on comparing my picture to their picture and thus not seeing myself equal to their picture but either being more or less, and thus separating myself into ideas of my mind which are not real and thus a trap to enslave so I do not equalize but stay separate from  myself because I realize the other being is more then a picture and I am more then a picture were we are actually one and equal here and thus are not defined by any point but the equality that lives as life here as myself and within all.

Forgiveness to continue....

I commit myself to walk and re-align myself with and as the physical human body as my ground point within this world to life here in oneness and equality through letting go of all polarity play outs and judgments of myself as more or less then any being here that exist as I realize and commit to walk the walk of equality and oneness with all life as myself here as I breath.

I commit myself to walk humbleness with other beings here as well as myself to stop taking words, actions, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, gestures, behaviors, characters, personalities and all separated created entities within and as the mind consciousness system as the human being and thus walk myself here first in equalizing myself to all and thus walk as an example for others to see/show the way to self realization that we are not our minds, and thus simply are defined by nothing thus can and if will be free as life within this way of living.

I commit myself to stop the abuse of myself as others and thus stop the judgment by accepting myself and all life through the realization I see that I am all that is here and thus I must walk this as myself through stopping the abuse as myself. I commit to treat all life in ways I would want to be treated and always put myself in the shoes of another to realize that we are one here until this is done.

I commit myself to let go of the beauty point within myself as I realize that it is an abuse to life, defining life by a point that is a commercial as consumerism that I have allowed to define who I am, thus I commit to walk this definition through letting it go and stopping all reactions within myself through self forgiveness and corrective action until no picture move me and I am here.


I commit myself to stop to judgment of others due to desire to be more thus I commit to stop my ego and thus within this stopping I commit to stop the diminishment of others in my mind so thus I can be more again within myself. I commit to stop abuse by letting go of my desire to be more then others and also seeing myself less then others.
I commit to walk my physical process of self forgiveness, self honesty, self investigation, and self correction to let go of my mind from directing me and thus be equal so life is free to live equal and one as who we are as life.



ego, tough female, athlete, strong women, iron women, men vs. women, bullied, beauty, prettiest girl, model competitions, popular kids, equal life, equality, eqafe, desteni, 2012, journey to life, garbrielle goodroe

Day 79-Men are Strong, Women are Weak Part 1

Looking at this point that came up within speaking my vlog tonight about the point of me and judging myself as not being feminine enough as a women. I see within myself I have created an idea since childhood that women are weak and men are strong, so thus lived into this point of being more masculine/male because I desired to be strong and seen as strong as I was a competitor and wanted to be seen as the best within all I did thus I had to be the best and thus I saw I had to create myself more as a male. Within myself however, I have an inclination to be more masculine in terms of my expression, so I am this within my natural expression, but will not and do not limit myself by any sort of definition of how man and women should be or define ourselves by, but simply live in how we see that we would like to express and be free to express in this way equal and one to all in what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to from my childhood create an idea that men are stronger then women based on the way my parents were within their relationship where I saw my dad was more dominant and was the final say in terms of the decisions of the family, and my mom was more the one who was the care taker and had a say, but not like my dad who was more forceful and dominant then my mom. I realize and see within holding on to this idea of my parents as strong and weak in terms of the layout of their relationship and the dynamics of our family structure that it was based on the structure of the family system in society of how men were seen and pushed to be the strong and heads of the household and thus seen in a more of an authoritative and dominant place within this world/society/family and is not what is real as I realize what is real is that we are equal and have equal responsibility to create whats here in all facets of life to be best for all and not separate ourselves into gender roles as strong/weak based on society standards/traditions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto the idea that because of what my dad was like growing up as dominant/strong/a decisive force in my life I assumed and associated this is what all men were and that they within themselves are the ones who are able to take on more of a leadership role and do the points within the physical that take strength and are challenging, were I identified myself and related to my dad within this because within myself I had the desire to be in this way as well, strong physically and capable physically to handle and do what is necessary to be done to get things moving and solve problems. I related to my dad and thus became more infatuated with him were I saw him as a 'god'head and that he is the one that is the best in my family because he is strong and I saw that he can do anything, he was able to always fix things and answer all my questions that I came up with, and thus grew more of an infinity to him and grew a desire to be like him because of the power I saw he held within the role he played in the family. I realize and understand that my desire to be strong and the best within my world placed judgments on points within my world, where I defined others by this strong weak point based on the idea that those who were strong physically, dominant, and decisive where the ones I wanted to be like, and thus I associated the strong with male as the figure in my life who exemplified this was my father. I realize and see that strength is not defined by what one can do physically or who one is within their sex, but is based on who one is within their living and how they are in regards to life, do they live in equal and one to others and respect others and self in this regard.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto a desire to be like my dad growing up because I desired to be strong and seen as strong by others and thus I push myself to be within this male role and push myself to compete with men so I can be within myself knowing that I am the best because I can beat men and be equal in what I am doing and essentially prove that I am just as strong as men.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself within myself to desire to prove that I am able to compete with me to myself as I held a standard of perfection within myself and I would only see myself as this perfection point if I was able to beat all points within my world and I saw this within beating men as they were the strongest and the competition was always based on sports.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to beat others and define myself as the winner.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto a standard of perfection and push myself to be this winner so thus I could see myself as perfect.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see life within strong weak within physical capabilities and thus define life within this way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see life within a strong/weak polarity based on dominance within the demeanor of the being and always associate and connect this to being male based on the stature and shape of their physical and their role within society as the head of households.

To be continued....



2012, desteni, eqafe, equality, father figures, head of household, journey to life, men are from mars, men are strong, men vs. women, women from venus, women weak, family make up, family dynamics, family ties, mother, father roles

Day 73- What Does it mean to be a Female? Is it different from a Male?

So here opening up the dimensions of this point within myself of being a female, what does this imply for myself and how have I existed within my life towards the fact that I am female?

I will start back when I was a child, and my earliest memories of myself was being a young kid were I never identified myself with being female, I remember thinking that it was not fun being a girl because of what toys they were designated to play with and what they did. In terms of being a little girl, the toys that are designated as 'female' are the dolls, tea sets, dressing up, wearing make up, ect. and for me I wanted absolutely none of that. I remember really getting annoyed with my mom in the mornings when she would try and put my hair up in braids or something, and I would say no, I want my hair short and not touched. I didn't like the whole tied up look and the pulling of the hair with the brush, it hurt and was unnecessary as it would just get in my face. So I looked at being a human being as a child in more practical terms based on my desires to not be bothered with looking 'pretty'. (This early years like 5-8 yrs. old)

In terms of play, I didn't identify with any of the girl toys, and always desired to be outside in the woods or in the fields playing sports or climbing trees, going on some sort of adventure with my friends around the neighborhood, but never did I want to sit inside and play dress up and put make up on or play with dolls.

I see within this point for myself that it is fine for a child to play whatever it is the child want to play in terms of their expression, but based on society norms and how the adults for instance pushed to be more girly and be more feminine, I became self conscious of myself in seeing why is it that I am not girly? What is not being girly mean when I am a girl? Was I suppose to be a boy, and I a boy trapped in a girls body? I often thought this because I was much more interested in playing with boys, doing boyish stuff, and be seen equal with the boys based, but within society and with others older then me, I was getting you have to act more girly, you have to wear dresses and tights, and be like your sisters. So who I was within myself was being conficted with the reality of where I was living, and thus within me started to question who I was and why I was the way I was based on this point of being a girl but not 'acting' like one.

I will do self forgiveness on this point of identifying self as male or female, when in reality, there is no separation in terms of what is 'feminine' to do and what is 'masculine' to do. One should be able to be free to do and express in whatever it is they feel they would like to. Obviously, there is points where females and males are more 'naturally' inclined to do and stand within responsibility within this world, but this is not mutually exclusive and never should be. There are exceptions like breast feeding, obviously, that will only be done by females in this existence, but other then this, life should have no gender classification nor gender roles.

When we start putting labels on things, it becomes something different and more complex then what it is here in just walking in each breath and expressing in the moment in what has to be done. For instance, a male is at home with his daughter. The female who is the mother of the child is at work, the male in this role would need to stand in as the nurturer, to support, assist, and care for the child in absolute specificity as the mother is 'naturally' inclined to do so as this has been the 'mothers' role in society forever. But what does that say about the male, does he not have the same capacity and abilities to nurture and support the child in care then the female, but when one ask a person who is the one who take care of the children, 9 out of 10 will say the female. This I can see why this has been pushed in such a way based on the female bearing the child, but to consider that the father is equal and one in the creation of the child and thus should stand equal and one in raising and caring in all facets for the child as either way it must be done, so why put labels on what we do? Thus it's the labels and divides of gender roles that cause unnecessary separation that is based on our ideas, beliefs, and traditions over time and if one investigate - allot of these points stand in place due to mind dimensions such as ego, desires, and fears we as humanity has accepted and allowed and thus has manifested the state of the world today, were we see a gender divide and disrespect. So within the next blogs to come will be looking at the dynamic of men and women and how we have separated ourselves based on these labels we have defined ourselves by based on the difference of our body design, and putting my personal mind dimensions in to it to work with the forgiveness to stop my separations in this matter as well for myself.


male, female, men vs. women, gender roles, gender divide, gender wars, mothers, fathers, equality, equal life, equal money, journey to life, desteni, 2012, garbrielle